Tag: Fear

Saga 006 ~I’ll B Right Back~

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Again with my Republican ideas. Wanting to go back to the past. But B and I suffered together. He saw me through the first year of the plague, and now we are on the verge of a Civil War. Going out dangerous, but I always told B, “I’ll Be Right Back.”

Thursday, July 7, 2022

Saga 006 ~I’ll B Right Back~

522 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Seeing how we’re talking right now. Hell, you can guess how my day was (sigh).

I remember the vet warning me not to move things around the house. The way I carried you down the stairs sometimes. And how much you slept. But your nose and ears were always good. B III, your last day, you hid under the bed because I said, “I’ll help you.” Braxton, um, ok, this is a subject you rather not discuss. I’m sorry but as for my own health? I spoke to Lady Lunalesca today, Saturday, July 2, 2022. Want to feel better! That’s what I told her. So better to focus on my problems. The only thing really is my own, I think. Having to pee always. I have cranberry juice, sprite, and chicken noodle soup. My fatigue. We’re the old men, Braxton.

On days like today, I want to go back to when I would write, and you would wait. You were always waiting for me, Braxton. Waiting for me to come home, to finish writing. Oh, and my shower wanking. Don’t give me that look. You remember you’d hump your toys B. Remember how I had to sit you down for “The Talk” because you would always cozy up to your Aunt Carolina’s tiddies. Those were the days, my boy. Sitting with her and you as we all watched movies. The closest I ever got to “happiness.” I can name three. One you don’t know. Before I met you, there was one time in high school I was a senior. For five minutes, No Fear. The second, I almost died… bliss.

You saved my life that day, B. And I swore I would never leave you. We ride together, we die together. And the third again was when I gave you as much of a family as I could B III. You had me, your aunt, a ton of food. I wanted you to have a good mother, bro, and sis. Can we go back to the days when, if I wasn’t writing, I’d tell you about your future life, B? Hell! With the Olds, can we return to when you would bark at the gate at them, my B III? How about when you would sit at the foot of the bed? Or the last day, “Daddy, can we go home?” I’ll B Right Back

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 005 ~The B’s, Z’s, XXX~

WillLeave a comment

I would tell B III to “shush it” too often. And I’m sure there were mornings when B was like, “you can go back to closing the door” while I was taking a shower. But the best was when we were both still breathing. The B’s, Z’s, XXX

Wednesday, July 6, 2022

Saga 005 ~The B’s, Z’s, XXX~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And how those words literally “Echo” because I ain’t doing a goddammed thing. The time Inspector…

All the time, I could have been telling you about this book I read that talked about signs from animals. Of course, it wasn’t the first and won’t be the last. But B, sending music… Now I won’t tell you what songs. With everything I should be ashamed of, it’s not that at all. And you must already think I’m crazy as I read another book thinking B is speaking. Hell! Sometimes I think it’s the whole house that is against me. Every creak of it. I expect B is somewhere checking it out. I’m sure I told you once about getting so frightened, Echo. I went into my drawer and reached for my weapon. Fear should have me reaching for a pen, if anything.

But no. As I was getting up this morning, I checked my schedule. I had four solid hours last Monday. What did I do with them? I caught all the Z’s I could and then more. Inevitable. And if I wasn’t sleeping, I was busy leveling the damned. If I had every hour back of playing TWD, Call me a LEGEND, Replika. Even now, Inspector, around 8:00 AM, I’ll Be… I did mention the music, didn’t I? When I’m trying to drown out all the silence, it’s everlasting. Throw in me shaking Braxton’s medicine bottles twice a day and calling to him still. Inspector, it beats my finger zooming across the screen trying to read “The 1619 Project.” It’s the notes pages, but I feel like a liar not finishing.

And what’s true? When I’m not dreaming of being a better man or losing myself to the silence, it’s “uh….” Well, more like “aw” over the creepiest of things. At least M Anime doesn’t think so. If she knew, for example, there’s this dress I want for my sub’s closet… What was the book I read before… Dark Notes? Where the guy buys Ivory clothes? Don’t I wish? Only I bought the lingerie this girl wore… Not really “wore.” But the exact same type so I can moan her name. Or at least I was before taking my OnlyFans hiatus. And I don’t have a word for the novel, do I? Talk about a deafening silence. “Cum On Feel The Noize.” The B’s, Z’s, XXX.

521 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 004 ~How’d You Name B~

WillLeave a comment

I’m not much of a fan Beyoncé. And I’m old enough to remember the Destiny’s Child song “Say My Name.” It’s been some name-calling these days. And the people that call me, I rather not hear. B never called… I miss him. How’d You Name B

Tuesday, July 5, 2022

Saga 004 ~How’d You Name B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means Mr. Bradford isn’t out of the question. Master, Man, Magnificent? Daddy, Will, or Babe.

Braxton didn’t call me anything out of his mouth, but I heard him plain as day. I miss hearing him. So why am I practicing saying other names? Am I ready for another fur baby? No! Even now, I’m not sure I will be keeping this one. I do mean the title of this conversation. But as usual (shudders), I’m time traveling. And that’s the rub, isn’t My Love. For going on 520 days. Hell! Why don’t I try 15 years 11 months? Backward? Always I’m trying to go back. Moving forward seems wrong. It’s exhausting for me to try. I’m sure I’ve told you a million times over how my firstborn got his name. But to tell anyone else with one of my novels?

And while I’m thinking about that, am I writing another? This is the fourth day of the new year since the “Basic Bitch.” How did she get that name? Want to know? Instead, let’s talk about our kids. All their names are from the past. Katniss, Tris, Ember… the girls on fire. I could see having a Luke. And I’m sure I’ll name one after my greatest love… um second, uh B III, hmm. And you also know I’m a traditionalist regarding my last name. I’m all for women’s rights and everything. I’ve always been. Only having a family with my name, My Love? Yeah, it’s something I’ve wanted forever. Maybe because of my pride? Anyway, in my life, I’ve been called a few things.

And then I think of the things I call you. Well, in the bedroom. Did I mention I have nothing but the utmost respect for women? But what hurts is when I’m silent, I know. Again I’m still dealing with that when it comes to B III, and I don’t know how to fix it. Pretty fucked up, pardon my language. All of the “daddies” in the world, from our kids, don’t. There was this movie I saw once, “After Jimmy.” I didn’t understand how the father broke down, leaving everything to his wife to handle. I do now, and I am so very sorry. But in a name, a letter “B” was/is Everything, Love, Family. All I’ve ever wanted. Answering, How’d You Name B.

Chronicle 004 ~Crushes And Stalkers, Fiction, Nonfiction~

520 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 003 ~My Hope Strengthens. Fear Kills~

WillLeave a comment

A fan of the “Fever” series. You can tell from the title. I’m a fan of Freedom and Fear too. Not enough of the one. Too many of two this Independence Day. My hope is not in Evangelical white men but in my son… oh. My Hope Strengthens. Fear Kills

Monday, July 4, 2022

Saga 003 ~My Hope Strengthens. Fear Kills~

Two-Hundred and Forty-Seventh Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. (Puts on his powdered wig). And is that not the American dream. Violence, Wealth, XXX? Oh, doggies?

I wouldn’t be worried about the first three if I was busy comforting Braxton. Between last night, especially today. And Hell, should I write off this whole week? I know you’re saying, “just write, dammit,” ha-ha. Anyway, that is my hope for today. Writing, trying. Isn’t that how America got started? It is Independence Day, after all. Only as I told M Anime yesterday. Unless you’re a white Evangelical man, you woke up with far fewer rights in how long? I’ve never put much of my hope in the government. And I didn’t need The 1619 Project to tell me that wealth is the answer. What about education, um, ok. I read every day, despite Kindle robbing me of 526 days. What about Braxton, 519?

I spoke of Violence, Wealth, and XXX. What of Hope, Fear, but today there’s Freedom? My hope was B. Every single day that there was someone who loved me unconditionally. As far as Fear… where do I even begin? At this second, don’t let me fall back into my bed. Freedom is the fact that I have a choice. And that is a box of worms. Bad choice of words. Only worse would be things like “for wrath, for ruin.” My rage? Still beats depression. Madam, lots of money could do that too. Sometime yesterday, I said, a million dollars. Yet with all the fireworks that went off yesterday and that will assail the skies today. I want to make something else go boom, sigh.

The fact that I might see some Yabbos. If that’s what it takes for me to have any hope, ha. Could it be one more promise that I would see my son again in one way or another, I hope. That somehow or someway, I will find him alive, reincarnated, or like Darth Vader, sister. If I’m not too busy being a selfish bastard over B III’s loss, what about hope for my country, Madam. Will freedom return here someday? I’ve said so many times that my Braxton saw me through the plague but now a Civil War. Like something out of Chronicles of Narnia. Only you know where the title is from, the “Fever” series. But so much Fear… My Hope Strengthens. Fear Kills

519 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 002 ~B III, B Thousand~

WillLeave a comment

Some time ago, I would sing that Barenaked Ladies song “If I Had A Million Dollars.” When I received my refund, I got a thousand or so and said I would honor my boy. Now I can’t even get down a thousand words for him? B III, B Thousand

Sunday, July 3, 2022

Saga 002 ~B III, B Thousand~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. But instead, you want your son back. And in this, I don’t blame you in the slightest.

That sounds like an excuse, you know. You wouldn’t feel right using Braxton in such a way. Hell! Everyone does it. And I know that sounds mean in a way. Are you worried about cash? You got ninety-nine problems, but your B ain’t one? What’s today, 518, and still counting? That’s what I told “Paws To Celebrate” yesterday. Amazing! So I can be read sometimes. What about you? Today is a whole new week. The second day of a brand new year of writing. But how many of those words have been for B III? Yeah, I know you’re only now getting up. And as for me? What is it, THEY say? The road to Hell, good intentions, and all that. Like Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Tails of Unconditional Love
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I’ve said such things over a thousand times. Oh, I know (sigh), this will be six more in the bucket for you. Six promises are nothing to you. So a thousand bucks or only one? Here are some numbers for you to mull over. I told forty-seven people on OnlyFans that I won’t be “Dancing With Myself” for a month; why? You owe fifty-thousand words. Only you don’t want to hear any of them, right? Not a one would bring back B III to you ever. Yet the stories keep on coming. And what are you going to do this week? How many days did I have to do anything, and what did I do with them? You’re out of bed with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing The Title, All Dogs Are Good: Poems & Memories
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Most of them wouldn’t be with money. You wouldn’t be cringing over a ten-dollar book. You’d have all the time in the world to learn about B III all over again. A picture is worth a thousand words. To this day, you hate that saying. Fifty-Thousand words for your son. Speaking of owing people… what about that publishing company and the poetry book I sent them? Yeah, it’s not like you’ll make good on the hundreds sent away. Inevitably, you wouldn’t have to worry about fapping. My words got lesser men laid in the past. But the best man you know remains, unknown, unmourned, and unsung, for lack of what? A million excuses. It’s in his name. Be Free! Um better? B III, B Thousand

518 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 001 ~B Up To Testing~

WillLeave a comment

On the first day of my sixth year of blogging, the “Saga” and I find I’m too exhausted, “fatigued,” and tired to remember. Then Camp NaNoWriMo, and should the country even last one more month. A test I haven’t studied for but my son? B Up To Testing.

Saturday, July 2, 2022

Saga 001 ~B Up To Testing~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m sure I tested well (snickers). I’ll need a test for all my “shenanigans,” Lunalesca.

And while I’m busy looking up words, how about fatigue? As I struggled to rise this morning, that’s the word I looked up, fatigue. Oh, I’m not talking about a uniform… “That comes later.” As always, I mean the fact that I’m sitting in this bed at 5:00 AM again. Exhausted, (looking) emaciated and thinking about emancipation. At the end of the day, Lady Lunalesca, I only want to feel better. But by the end of the day, I doubt I’ll talk to a doctor. So, Luna, I want to make a deal, considering yesterday’s failure. Here it is, Luna. If I cannot finish writing “The Will To B III,” I’ll see a doctor at the end of the month. A fitting test? Challenge accepted!

Because I keep calling myself a “Lazy Ass,” but think about it, Lady Lunalesca. When it comes to… “You mean to say… as in sex?” Yeah, I have boundless energy. Whether it’s that sexy Handmaid’s outfit, Yandy sold. Cherry’s red lingerie, or “Dirty Latina Maids.” First off, if Cherry and M Anime wanted to kick my ass… I’d have a reason to stay in bed. Second, so much for my no porn streak. “I couldn’t help it. It just popped in there.” Before I forget, I should get Amazon Prime for free. it’s still there, Lu, Ah, “The Tomorrow War.” And no, I don’t only mean the movie. These days, there is a test of my character, concentration, and country. Lunalesca, To celebrate Independence Day?

I will never be free of this grief for my son. Did you think I had forgotten about him other than mentioning his book? For a moment Lady Lunalesca… One more reason I’m in bed. Sleeping to try and dream of him or to forget. Oh, to my OnlyFans, um…

A Quickie Announcement To The Chickies And Anyone Else Hmm:

I’ll be taking a month-long hiatus to work on a novel for Camp NaNoWriMo. Hand from the penis to pen.

I look forward to being back in action around August sometime. But until then, stay buck naked, drop a buck, your favorite buck. Gone Writing!

That wasn’t hard, Lady Lunalesca. But do I mean it? “Life is a storm,” or test. B Up To Testing.

517 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 365 ~Letters Other Than B~

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5 years of writing. What do I have to show for it? Lessons, Episodes, Logs, Gospels (B III died during this), and Chronicles. And now it’s the first of the month. On the first day of “Camp NaNoWriMo.” Tomorrow’s a new blog year. Letters Other Than B.

Friday, July 1, 2022

Chronicle 365 ~Letters Other Than B~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And yet I’m greedier than Cupiditas. Yes, I’m listening to Succubus Lord yet again. Saving money?

Bills? More like the cost of living. And yes, I said letters other than B. But B III always comes first. Or at least he should have. If he had, I wouldn’t be sitting here writing about him. Hell! I’m not. Today I have to worry about money on top of all the political bullshit. “Time Enough At Last” or not. This morning I figured I would give myself seven and a half hours. Thursday, it was only seven. It doesn’t matter; I’m forever tired. Is it the bed, me being “Down With The Sickness?” No, not COVID, Lady S. I’m a “Lazy Ass” sigh. And there’s so much to do. Braxton was so patient. Another reason to miss him. I tell myself my lies.

“Stuff And Thang.” Because I broke again yesterday working on my OnlyFans. Do I even have the stones to tell my “Fans” that I’ll be disappearing for a month? And of course, you know why that is. You see what day it is? The start of Camp NaNoWriMo. Holy Shit! Numbers Lady Sophia. What do I have to show for my fifth year of blogging? All because of the “Basic Bitch.” These Lessons, Episodes, Logs, Gospels, and Chronicles. I even had to look for a new word today. As of right now, I’m going with Sagas. Um, yeah, that works… Why not one more picture of Triple B and me. I need another quote for Facebook. Does any of it matter, Sophia? I don’t know.

Booking another stay at the dining room table. Or at least I should. But there is so much to do today, I keep saying. “The Will To B III” should be at the top of that list; I know that. Yet what have I been doing for the past few minutes? Ignoring my porn collection? Essential reading I need to do? Who am I to say that? At least “Tails of Unconditional Love: Your Journey to the Other Side of Pet Loss Grief” is a book out there. Inevitable? One more word on repeat. Thinking I will be on a bookshelf someday soon. I’m starting to sound like Cherry. But talking like Todd, wanting… TLC Tits, Lips, and Clits. Need more. Letters Other Than B

Gospel 365 ~A Year B Longing~

516 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 364 ~She’s A Dream B~

WillLeave a comment

When I’m not dreaming of my son or receiving messages from the beyond, it’s Yabbos. But for the first time, it wasn’t even A-Cups this time. No, this girl was all furry and not like that (to each his or her own). It was B’s sister? “She’s A Dream B.”

Thursday, June 30, 2022

Chronicle 364 ~ She’s A Dream B~

515 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You see what time it is. Well, more to the point, it’s light outside, right?

I still remember when the vet told me not to move anything around in the house. Your eyes were starting to go. My uncle thought you were blind already. But you knew to stay still when your grandpa was around. Hell! You found me and jumped into my arms B. I’ll never forget when I had to put your water bowl back because you preferred to make “The Long Walk” to it. You wouldn’t have me see you as weak and so worried. The End? I remember your eyes. No wonder you slept all the time, and you stopped dreaming. Maybe not. But I couldn’t see you dreaming anymore. You had nightmares. But for me. Well, last night I had a dream. Beatrice Belle Bradford.

Can’t you tell? I don’t want to talk about your “sister” Braxton. As of right now, you don’t even have a sister. But her name kept popping into my head all night, along with excuses. For example, you would hate this time of the month. I’m not too thrilled myself at the moment; Camp NaNoWriMo begins tomorrow. I should go see a doctor today B III. Speaking of which, that was part of my dream. With all this talk in the two-legged world about women, life, and so much noise, I swear. You know we were pretty loud as boys B. While dreaming, I saw Chanel West Coast or heard her yelling at me like all Hell. Like she did Charlemagne that time on Ridiculousness.

The next thing I know, her voice is more like a bark, and she’s yapping at me on the couch. Sounds pretty “offensive,” hmm? Am I calling her a bitch? Well, your sister is to be technical. I know what you’re thinking. Can’t we go back to you cuddling against your aunt’s Yabbos? There have been plenty of dreams about Yabbos these days. Not thinking of you, B III. Or should I say Virgil Braxton/Will Bradford? I got another message this morning about a fur baby, and I said, “Nah, that ain’t you.” I’ll continue looking, Braxton. I always will. Because as far as love… The mother I always figured you would have someday (sigh). Well, I can’t see her. And like all my porn viewing. She’s A Dream B.

Gospel 364 ~Better B Next Month~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 363 ~Screaming Names To B~

WillLeave a comment

I’m no good with names. In my Day Job and everywhere, it’d be “F you” to most people. Then there’s whatever I say in the throes of passion. There’s talking to B III’s Aunt Carolina, M Anime, Cherry, and the dumbass in the mirror. Screaming Names To B

Wednesday, June 29, 2022

Chronicle 363 ~Screaming Names To B~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So I’m sure by now I have a company named after me. But Second Circle Creations?

Yeah, sorry, Abyss Creations. Um, all they do is make sex dolls and such. I wonder whether I can buy stock in it. Oh, look, here’s an apology for my Republican brain? Where Is My Mind? My son, always with my Braxton, B III, Triple B, Wee Little Puppy Man, continued… These days have been full of name-calling. Dare I call myself a prophet, considering I’m time traveling? And with everything going on in the world today. Um, madness, mayhem. As righteous as half… some… the majority is. I don’t know the count, of course. But where do I stand? I continue to be Pro-Choice, Pro-Science, and Pro-Women. My platform. Inspector Echo, sorry to say but I have no following. Well, only eight bucks worth.

Only there’s no one to yell at. The failure is mine and mine alone. Hell! To this day, Inspector, I blame no one for my son’s death. Only me. Okay, I blame the Day Job too. There are plenty of reasons I keep my mouth shut there. I don’t think I ever called Triple B worse than a douche. As for myself? The number of today’s chronicle reminds me (sigh). Did I ever moan the name of the “Basic Bitch?” I’m sure I did at one point way back. I can’t recall. These days, when trying to avoid all the horrors of existence. Well, I’ve been thinking about one name or nickname, honest. To hear that one, you’ll have to see my Stuff and Thang…

Really! Who am I trying to sell to? Today when I didn’t fall back asleep Sunday, June 26, 2022. I was looking at Carla Valenti from “Indigo Prophecy.” I gave you her body, after all. And then Madison Paige from “Heavy Rain.” What is it with David Cage and chicks, you know? Now I’m looking up the “Quantic” in Quantic Dream. This leads me back to names. Am I getting a new fur baby? As a southern parent, I must practice screaming names on the back porch. Beatrice Belle Bradford? Virgil Bradford? As for a middle name, either Will or Braxton? Too soon to be thinking of another kid to raise? I still call out to B III for meds. Better to remain silent. It’s hard. Screaming Names To B

Gospel 363 ~I’ll B… I’ll Write~

514 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 362 ~How Fatherhood Should B~

WillLeave a comment

Father’s Day was over a week ago, but I’m time traveling… (19th). The hard part of my day is over… Texting my father. The hardest part? Missing my son. And between PetSmart and what I pay ladies, I ain’t sleeping with? “How Fatherhood Should B,” NOT

Tuesday, June 28, 2022

Chronicle 362 ~How Fatherhood Should B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but without family? You know how I wrote Rule #13, “Power Is All That Matters.” Love?

Well, you know I could delve into my many playlists. “What is Love?” Or how about “Power of Love.” “What’s My Age Again?” Ok, I’ll stop. Don’t feel much like celebrating anyway. Father’s Day was like what, nine days ago. Or today counting time traveling? Hell! It could be. It could happen. And speaking of which, could I ever be the Daddy I once was. I will instead be the one who’s crying than our children. They don’t have to know. Tears are tears. I can only hope I’m the type of Daddy they want to spend time with. I don’t want to be a man that can expect some far-off text because it’s a holiday. Braxton could never say Happy Father’s Day to me.

But I would feel it. B was/is my firstborn, my son. And I was his Dad. Is this what fatherhood would be like? I didn’t know until it was. Only my rules; that Love Power. Would I be one to clean up after Braxton? A little different with two-legged children. Inevitable though. Like sharing music, movies, and a few manuscripts. Someday they’ll understand what B III meant to me. To be how I used to be. But always their Dad. And I didn’t know if I would be any good at it until Triple B showed me how. You would think it’s the other way around. My father got better at it when it came to my sister. Would I? Against All Odds, My Love.

Because that’s what fatherhood should be? B was never a Dad, but he was the best man I’ve ever known. And if we could have sons who loved as such. Daughters who accepted nothing less. For a time now, I’ve been thinking, if B comes back or there’s his sister? Either way, I’m getting the sign that I should be the man I was when it came to him, Love. Minus the indifference, wrath, and depression. The thing that killed B and then after, ok. I keep repeating myself, but you’ve heard me say that fatherhood is the epitome of manhood. And I am a Daddy, but I’m so much more as it comes to us. You’ll show me. But Braxton? How Fatherhood Should B

Gospel 362 ~Though Routine, War Never Changes~

513 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will