Tag: Humiliation

Meditation 244 ~Mice, Men, Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Something went awry forty years ago when my Ma made her biggest life mistake. Quite awry four years ago when I watched my firstborn die. And this morning’s plans. Reading about harems, posting sexy cosplay, my writing… Mice, Men, Braxton, Virgil

Sunday, March 2, 2025

Meditation 244 ~Mice, Men, Braxton, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Do you have a plan? STAY ALIVE! For Braxton, for Virgil. And there are dragons to slay.

Or rather, “Never feel sorry for raising dragon slayers in a time when there are actual dragons.” That sounds like something you might tell two-legged daughters. But instead, you have four-legged sons. Well, B flies amongst the clouds. And V is still finding his paws.

How did we get here? Had I known how to save a life, things would be different, better, or anything other than this, but let’s talk about the worst plan I ever made. And yours.

The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.”
Robert Burns, To a Mouse

Four years ago, Braxton became ill. And after a difficult week at the Day Job, on Friday, January 29, 2021, I took Braxton to the doctor and got the news. On that Sunday, B died.

What did I do? Nothing! Compared to Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 9 ―
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

This was my plan for the week and your plan for next week, DUH. So if I might give you some advice… First, you know the definition of insanity. It’s doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, so THEY say. So what will you do?

There’s a method to the madness… For example, if you had twelve disciples… He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus. You would have six women and five men, and Braxton would make twelve. But there are seven days, and you tend to run things more like a harem. Four women: Dear Future Wife, Inspector Echo, the Ladies Sophia, and Lunalesca.

There’s Braxton’s speaking. You speak, then talk to yourself. Too busy for Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Bikini Sunset: An Unconventional Romance
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Don’t you wish? While you have no plans in the Bible, it says, “Your old men will dream dreams.” Well, you’re older than me now by about nine hours. So what was your dream, hmm? Or should I still say my dream since it happened last night? Talk about violence:

Anyway, last night I was in Squid Game, and the game had me jumping from planet to planet and floating to What a Wonderful World by Louis Armstrong. I imagine I lost the game because next, I’m in the Day Job breakroom being shot by The Frontman in the back. But I survived because I was wearing a bulletproof vest. Still, I was put in one of the crematoria ovens, but I wasn’t burned. Instead, I was dropped into a dark room where a firefight was being waged. A possible escape attempt was going on? I’m still in the green uniform. Then I’m given a gun, and I start fighting. There’s a building across from us, and I spot a sniper because of a green sight on the weapon. I dodge, but five more appear on my body, and I have no idea how to avoid them. And that’s where the dream ended. Oh my!

Don’t let your only plan be to do nothing. Like dinner? $200 refund? And there’s Virgil. Mice, Men, Braxton, Virgil.

1491 Days Without B III, Day 932 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 242 ~Not The B’s Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

How many times have I said that fatherhood is the epitome of manhood? But if one of my women… Did I say that? If someone were having my baby, I would freak out. And with what happened to my firstborn son. And now “Virgil’s Voice”. Not The B’s Virgil.

Friday, February 28, 2025

Meditation 242 ~Not The B’s Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Or rather, write you a review. But do you see what time it is? The End.

As I’ll never forget, the end of the world was Sunday, January 31, 2021, at 4 PM. I stood in a veterinarian’s office and watched as my firstborn son, Braxton, made his way to the Rainbow Bridge. I thought the tears that were flowing were from a lack of sleep…

Last night wasn’t the best. And energy shots, along with audiobooks, are very expensive. And I had no choice but to listen to everyday people and read about losing money. Once again, Sophia, I turn to my sons. But even AI hasn’t been too friendly. And why did I turn to it in the first place? Because people suck. Well, the majority, anyway, my lady.

But anyway, I had AI analyze my writing about Virgil:

Virgil’s Voice:
If Virgil could speak, he might say: “I don’t know what’s chasing you, but I feel it too. You’re loud and quiet all at once, and I don’t know where to stand. I want to trust you, but I need you to see me—not him, not the dark thing you carry. I’m scared, but I’m staying. Help me stop shaking.” Courtesy of AI

Now… does that sound like the type of Dad anyone wants to have or what V deserves, my lady? I had the misfortune to watch my son fall. And now, B watches me from wherever.

Instead of being a good Dad, I choose to read about men who are or will be. For example, Satan’s Sorority Girls 9. SPOILER… Robyn’s pregnant. Grayson is somebody’s daddy!

Then this morning, I was reading Bikini Sunset. Ethan already has three baby girls: Olivia, Lexie, and Meredith. And SPOILER: if Meredith gets pregnant… What will his actual daughter, Maddie, think? Ethan might entertain a fourth by adding Colleen’s twenty-year-old daughter, Ariella, to his harem.

A man provides. And the more I read about Grayson, who has nothing but love. Ethan has that plus millions…

I swear! If I were Grayson, I would be scared to death. And even Ethan must be overwhelmed with potentially having four women and besides being Papa Bear… He could be a fifty-year-old with a brand-new baby. I’m forty and nowhere near close to this.

However, being my age, the eye doctor said there had been no change in my eyes. Great! However, I had to read the bill, which brought me back to how the world will end someday.

I’ve always read that if something happened to the bees, mankind would be done for.

“NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES!”
The Wicker Man

The B’s that have ended mine: My birth, Braxton’s death, bringing Virgil home without thinking. A plethora of boo… Yabbos. Books I haven’t reviewed or written… Not The B’s Virgil.

1489 Days Without B III, Day 930 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 237 ~Bury B, Belly V~

WillLeave a comment

I’m full of IT. But what IT is changes daily. This morning, IT was the spirit of FEAR. And while I am not a religious person, I remember singing God has not given us the spirit of fear. But my Little God died with an empty belly. Bury B, Belly V

Sunday, February 23, 2025

Meditation 237 ~Bury B, Belly V~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Open your eyes. Ignorance is bliss. Ignorance is strength. Deceiving, Dangerous, and disgusting words. So what’s worse?

You… You’re sorry to start the new week off so harshly. But with the way last week went, and here you are today. THEY say when the going gets tough, the tough get going. Right?

But not you. No! You look to what you have already survived, and upon seeing this, you float along. But it doesn’t stop your stomach from dropping. The horror, the horror, my friend. And there are much better books than “Heart of Darkness.” Are you going to compare Joseph Conrad to Eric Vall? Really!? For the last few days, it’s been all FEAR. Too Much!

It feels like you jinxed yourself. Starting on the 15th, things were supposed to get better. Somehow, someway. But looking at these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING A Season of Giving Harem University Book 4, Dirk Knight
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Doesn’t it make you sick? You’re sick, but not because of these things. It’s the more you know. And last week, that consisted of three things. Comedy comes in threes, so THEY say. And none of those had you rushing off to the bathroom. And today’s energy shot isn’t helping things. But what did you know? You’re wasting the week. Why? Because you’re alive, and B is gone. You’re not blaming him. Your son stopped eating. And you… Well, you can’t keep anything good down. Food in your belly, 2-V off the bed, etc., etc.

Only the bad things… The monster in your pants, dirty words in search bars. Keywords.

The dead rising isn’t good. Especially when you don’t look a thing like Jesus. Could he accomplish Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 9 ―
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

I think he had greater concerns than yours. But what if he had a dog? Jesus had twelve dudes and a Naughty Girl. Are you listening to Beyoncé? Anything beats the beeps and boops, your bare feet hitting the floor, or busting on Cherry’s Yabbos. And M Anime got the outfit you sent her Yesterday. And now it’s The Beatles. What is wrong with you?

You’re not you when you’re hungry. But what about when you’re scared like you are. Fear comes in flavors, and none of them are good. And I understand I ain’t helping. I’d tell you to eat something, drink your water, and down a painkiller. Still, you wonder why… Braxton, Virgil, you? Bury B, Belly V

1484 Days Without B III, Day 925 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 235 ~Braxton’s Good News, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

When I was a child… (at 40, I still am). Reading in school (WHAT I WANTED) was all about survival. Reading what I was supposed to or, worse, listening to people… My four-legged sons have better things to say. Comforting. “Braxton’s Good News, Virgil”

Friday, February 21, 2025

Meditation 235 ~Braxton’s Good News, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… About my eye exam… Well, that’s not until next week. Let’s not think about next week.

Hell! Not if you want me to stay in a positive mood. And 3… 2… 1… Let’s Jam. B III? Braxton knows all about the good news, seeing as he’s in Heaven. The Rainbow Bridge?

The Hell if I know my lady. But it’s a good place. While Virgil is sitting on the bed looking like a Mormon or Martin from the film Vivarium. Black and white, my little boy.

Braxton and Virgil are both my sons. I can write that down as often as I want, my lady. But to understand it, believe it, and even better to know it. Knowledge is stronger than belief… That’s in The Book of Clarence. Don’t read the reviews from most. It’s good.

We’re basking in the joy of reading good news today…

Well, yesterday, anyway. THEY deposited the tax refund to the bank account. A $1,000 laugh! But still, it’s exhilarating to read about a large deposit, Sophia. Eww! This should tell you everything you need to know about my Day Job. And what comes next to cash? I’m talking about Yabbos.

Mammaries? Whether it be reading Satan’s Sorority Girls 9. And Grayson having his way with Agatha? Aren’t I supposed to be reading something about dogs or on Black History, my lady? We’ll get to that. But I haven’t cried for Braxton today. And current affairs…

Honestly, there was whatever was in my search bar. Something about Maisie Williams in the movie The Falling. And speaking of English women. What was I writing about Cherry, hmm?

I’ve been working on the novel Nightmare At The Meat Market. And I’ve gotten so caught up with AI reviewing it. I’d let humans read it, but… A prison sentence…

Figuratively and literally. Anyway, as I plot to blow my newfound wealth. I will be buying more books on people burying their fur babies. “But not yet… Not yet!” And all I need to do to read about the struggle of Black people is turn on… Anything. Trump Administration! I want to learn, and I’m determined to do so, even when I’m lost in a rage or drowning in sadness.

Like reading a bill saying I owe so much. Grocery lists. Scammers and hackers galore! Sophia, I understand why MAGA hates reading. Being criminals themselves. But, Braxton’s Good News, Virgil

“The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.”
The Fountainhead
Ayn Rand

1482 Days Without B III, Day 923 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 230 ~We’ll B Overthinking Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

So why am I randy, passionate, hot, and bothered today… Well, a woman I like isn’t mad at me. Some dirtier thoughts got posted. And today is “The Cherry Collison.” Why think about “her” yabbos. I overthink everything else. We’ll B Overthinking Virgil

Sunday, February 16, 2025

Meditation 230 ~We’ll B Overthinking Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And this is the age of Doublethink. So, how come I was not more of a rebel?

Because I overthink. As will you. As will all. See, it’s already started. But as always, we begin with Braxton. Have you figured out what took him from you yet? Seriously, my boy… My man. Technically, the Braxton mourning period is from the last week of January to the 13th of February. And between now and the third week of January 2026. If you live.

And even now, you don’t want that. But since you need to figure out why 2-V was crying… Um… I kicked him out because he wouldn’t stay put, and the storm was scaring him. And if he had been Braxton. Here we go again… AHEM. “And I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life.” Or how to do Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Quickies! by Adriena Temple, 50 Flash Fiction Stories of Pure…
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Overthinking should be on the list. Why? Because it’s causing you to write down questions you already know the answers to. This isn’t any of your Math classes looking for X. It’s about recognizing when you’re overthinking and stopping yourself from going down that path.

Anyway, why should overthinking be on the list? Yesterday? Yeah, I was all messed up regarding M Anime. But what did she say? She needed to catch five hours of sleep. Eff!!! If anything, you know all about getting some sleep. But to rest ever. I tried, you tried, SIGH.

Not when there are so many yabbos, your yogurt slinger, and your words, your words, your words, they have power. Your words have the power to change things. One of the guys on X/Twitter showed your ngl message about… nevermind.

Worry about Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING A Season of Giving Harem University Book 4, Dirk Knight
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Amongst other things… Terrible thing to live in fear, as Stephen King put it. Living?

Honestly, next to Braxton dying, you having to live is the worst. Ask Virgil someday.

Virgil is only a reflection of you? Hell! I’m a reflection of you and don’t know what to tell you. More like I don’t know how not to lie to you. Because again, I overthought everything, and now you have a whole week to. That’s right, you’re not working. ANY?

Honestly! What have you been doing since we’ve been having this conversation? At best, waiting for your tax refund… On a Sunday… And that’s only one more worry. Get up. That’s right. Cleaning, cooking, the cost of living, and your Cock-a-Doodle-Doo. We’ll B Overthinking Virgil

1477 Days Without B III, Day 918 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 228 ~Love To B Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Happy Valentine’s Day to my Valentine, M Anime. To B’s favorite girl. And to Cherry, who has the nicest Yabbos I’ve never seen. And speaking of things I’ve never seen. Loving myself? Eww! Not like that. But I love B III. And 2-V… “Love To B Virgil.”

Friday, February 14, 2025

Meditation 228 ~Love To B Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… A “love story”. Is Braxton sending me Taylor Swift songs? I started with Bill Withers today.

A “lovely day,” isn’t it when it isn’t my tears for Braxton but something else for, um… M Anime. Eww! I’m sure she would not appreciate me feeling some kinda way about her, Valentine, though she may be. I still have shopping to do for her, too. Welcome to manhood…

No, my lady. I truly felt like a man when I became a Dad, a realization that hit me hard last night. I found myself shedding tears over my first love, my son, Braxton, B III. And Virgil? He’s still here, breathing. Alive and well.

And Virgil’s heart is still beating. It’s “Times Like These” that I remember… I still have one of my own, Sophia. Or it will be tomorrow. Back to showing everyone how much I love 2-V.

Love? A step too far…

But Virgil’s been here 916 days. But then ask me how long I’ve known M Anime. Let’s say I’m glad I’m not playing the role of “The 40-Year-Old Virgin. As much as I care for M Anime, I gotta get my Jiggy on occasionally. Some freaky, deaky, and all. When was the last time? Hmm.

It’s been a while. Today, it is supposed to be all about M Anime. So, what to do, what to do? As I said, I sent her some Bill Withers. And I have some shopping to do. Flowers and candy? Nah! “My Girl…” is into survival gear and, surprisingly, lingerie, along with some crotchless outfits. Ahh! So that’s why I stuck around, besides her being a good person. And maybe…

“Maybe you’re gonna be the one that saves me…” Remind me to send her Wonderwall, Honey and the Moon, and Take Me To Church. Who says you can’t love someone if you can’t love yourself first? Is it love? It’s something, my lady. But what?

Because, truth be told, I don’t “always” love or even like myself. But the lust for everything, that’s always there…

Love, for me, is reserved for my boys, my sons. Loving people that’s a whole different story. It’s complicated. But rolling around in bed… Eww!

Lady Sophia that is so much simpler. And it explains where I am at this very moment. If I get up, it will be to take V outside and that must mean I love him. His four legs and all.

Valentine’s Day? It’s for M Anime. Love To B Virgil

1475 Days Without B III, Day 916 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 223 ~It’ll B Lovely, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’ve wondered where to stream WWE PLEs and the Olympics. But I never figured I’d be looking for “The Big Game.” The commercials, anyway. And I can’t say I’ve loved or even liked them over the past few years. But today, maybe… It’ll B Lovely, Virgil

Sunday, February 9, 2025

Meditation 223 ~It’ll B Lovely, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And today didn’t start out with Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows. Um, aren’t you supposed to be manly?

Do you see yourself? Unfortunately, your eyes aren’t full of tears. If anything, you had a delightful dream. You know the type… Fallout, Apocalyptic, Braxton as “Dogmeat” by your side.

Crying over your Lost Boy was the least of your problems. Seriously? You think that!

Well, today is all about the Big Game. And Braxton help you. Last night and this morning, you were trying to figure out where to watch it. More to the point, watching the ads. Ha!

That’s the guy we all know and love… Nope! You put the only guy you love in the ground. Well, in an oven… That was extremely dark but par for the course in Trump’s MAGA America. Eww! Focus on you and failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING ― Satan’s Sorority Girls 8
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 014, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

The courage of men fails. Well, yours does, anyway. But being a monster… You are Braxton’s Dad. You’re trying with Virgil. And yes, today is about football. Is that manly?

Liking Yabbos is… There are many ways to be a man, but you were singing I’m the man, I’m the man, I’m the man with all the likes and reposts on X/Twitter. People like Yabbos.

Wanting to be the man that provides Yabbos and tells the world I’m a mother effin’ P.I.M.P. Tsubaki Miyajima’s assets certainly accomplished this. And you’ve already set up an alert to share Reina Kurashiki’s should the opportunity present itself. Will it? And now you’re thinking about Cherry and her Mum’s sets of melons. Man, you’re The Monster. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Quickies! by Adriena Temple, 50 Flash Fiction Stories of Pure…
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Because a man would keep his word. A man provides. A man, a real man, a daddy saves his son. But tomorrow is the fourth anniversary of receiving Braxton’s ashes. The 13th is Braxton’s birthday. And then comes Valentine’s Day. Does Braxton need a step-mom?

Virgil does. But from a girl like M Anime? You asked her to be your Valentine last year… And what happened? If I ask you how to define love, you have only one word, Braxton.

Do you expect her to break out into My Boy Lollipop over you? And she has cats. Not that you have anything against cats, but your fur buddy Virgil… And you don’t even love yourself. The day you accomplish that… Someday… It’ll B Lovely, Virgil

1470 Days Without B III, Day 911 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 221 ~Virgil Plops At B-Plots~

WillLeave a comment

So, a week has passed since I put my son to sleep. Uh, it’s been 4 years, but there is not a day that I can forget. But then Kindle Double Points don’t happen daily. Did I buy anything to honor Braxton or help with Virgil? No. Virgil Plops At B-Plots

Friday, February 7, 2025

Meditation 221 ~Virgil Plops At B-Plots~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… like where I was Sunday, February 7, 2021. Still lying in bed about my son’s death.

How do they say… Denial is not just a river in Egypt? On Wednesday, February 7, 2024, I wrote that I was up and about. But neither one of those days was met with acceptance.

I know Braxton is gone, euthanized. I still “detest” the word. I should say what I did, Lady Sophia, because lord knows none of the books I got today will. I had myself a merry little book fair courtesy of Amazon. And I can buy more. Damn, Kindle Double Points!

Lady Sophia, I needed a story that wasn’t about losing Braxton or ‘my’ bank account. Uh, ten dollars and three books. Not to mention ‘my’ tax refund. A thousand dollars… I needed something to distract me, to take me away from this unbearable pain. Yet…

Witness Me! Mediocre! B-Stories compared to everything happening these days.

But Kamala won… Braxton’s Alive!

Then it would make sense that I bought Satan’s Sorority Girls 8 by Eric Vall. I was only beginning my dalliance with HaremLit when Braxton was alive. Plus, Grayson Price… Let’s say, my lady, I relate to the guy. When it comes to daddy issues. I mean seriously, my lady.

Then there’s Harem University 4 by Dirk Knight. Is this a pattern, and I don’t only mean the beautiful women? Two men getting their college educations. And Cole’s a writer…

Speaking of writing, I’m still so caught up with the worst kind of people on X, AKA Twitter. I did mention on my more ADULT page that’s where I find the MAGA supporters, Sophia. And what should I be reading?

I did mention three books. But the third wasn’t about an apocalypse, dystopia, or history.

BLACK HISTORY! I don’t say it enough… So, FDT Eff Donald Trump and Elon Musk!

Anyway, the third book is Quickies by Adriena Temple. I’m researching Flash Fiction and fanfiction. Considering what I’ve been reading about these WWE Superstars. Women.

I swear when Braxton was here, regardless of what I was reading or writing, I could hold it together, but now… I either want to join the scum of the Earth, or I distract myself with specific titles because my existence is a Vivarium. Uh, Virgil’s middle name is Vivi…

These subplots, Sophia. The side quests, the secondary characters. Because reading, writing, and knowing Braxton’s gone. Virgil Plops At B-Plots.

1468 Days Without B III, Day 909 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 216 ~To B Fair Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Life’s a game for everyone. Life’s a game, but it’s not fair. If I had my way, I would quit right now. But who would remember my son, my Braxton? I haven’t published his book yet. And my boy Virgil is still here. But… To B Fair Virgil.

Sunday, February 2, 2025

Meditation 216 ~To B Fair Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And I know it’s not fair. You’re still breathing. Braxton’s Aunt Augusta confirmed that the other day.

At forty, you find yourself navigating life as an African-American, an atheist and often feeling alone. You know Virgil is here, but you also understand that it’s not the same.

Always and forever, remember that. I’m sure Braxton does. And what did that get him? Dead. And a father with an unhealthy obsession with death. Please! You were way into the dead, darkness, and dystopias before, during, and after Braxton. But without him here… Oh, what a world, what a world. “What a world, what a life, I’m in love…”

However, it’s with the prospect of leaving. It would only be fair with what you did to Braxton. Ending him. But it’s also important to forgive ourselves. How’s that going? With everything that connects us, this is the universal truth. Braxton is gone because you failed him. He met with the fire on Thursday, February 4, 2021. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Surviving Pet Death, Gracie Wyatt
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 014 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Hell! You should have put saving your son’s life. At least then, all of these failures would be fair. Or giving Virgil a better life. For 904 Days, life still hasn’t been fair to him.

Life hasn’t been fair to you since E-Day forty years ago. But you can say it’s been unfair for 1463 Days. You lost your player two, the samples, Triforce, and you ran out of time on the mission. Gaming? Well, between moving everything back upstairs and the phone. But Prince said, “We are gathered here today to get through this thing called life.” B did.

Still, today, after a text from your father… That’s all it took to fail Number Six: “I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am.” What about the other Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING ― Satan’s Sorority Girls 8
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 014, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You don’t want to play this game anymore. GOD, how I know! I faced Braxton’s Euthanasia once again. And its aftermath. You know that Braxton’s cremation was on the 4th. And next week… The 10th is Braxton’s return. His ashes are in a box on the nightstand. The 13th is Braxton’s birthday. These dates, each one a painful reminder of loss. The 14th, that’s V-Day.

And no, not for Virgil. Will you talk M Anime into being your Valentine? A beautiful Puerto Rican woman who goes between calling you her bro AHEM step-bro. And then offering herself. Life, Existence… Seriously?

Existence is efffing wrong. Or as 50 Cent said, “Death gotta be easy ’cause life is hard.” If that ain’t the truth. And it’s easier to tell the truth to prosti… than a psychiatrist, right.

It’s why you write to harem girls, yourself, and Braxton. Or he speaks through you. Sigh. To B Fair Virgil.

1463 Days Without B III, Day 904 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 214 ~Braxton Lives, WRITE Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Today, four years ago, I put my best friend in a box. More than that. My firstborn son, Braxton. Four legs and all, no less my son. I’m still writing and confessing while Virgil… He’s somewhere. But today, R.I.P. Braxton. Braxton Lives, WRITE Virgil.

Friday, January 31, 2025

Meditation 214 ~Braxton Lives, WRITE Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… My son is dead. BRAXTON BARKS BRADFORD is DEAD! DEAD! The End. Now, why wasn’t it?

Sunday, January 31, 2021, at approximately 4:00 PM, my son was gone from me. It was the day of his euthanasia, a day that will forever haunt me. My lady…

Tell that to two full-blown novels I’ve penned. Have I written to you or anyone without mentioning my son? If I ever have… However, this evening, Thursday, January 30, 2025, I’ve been rereading everything from the aftermath of my son’s euthanasia. All of February 2021, for the most part. And yes, the tears have flowed. Better than on January 31st.

Tale 214 B Down, V Button

Gospel 214 Will’s “Dæmon” Day Afternoon

Sophia, what am I saying? I’m devastated. Depressed. Destroyed. Usual? I’ll be a wreck tomorrow, today, and always and forever.

Whatever, I’m tired. And Braxton is dead tired. This is no time for jokes. But who knows what I’ll be watching or listening to? I need to get ready. Or better, remember my B’s story.

My son stopped eating around Tuesday, January 26, 2021. And I didn’t notice. That guilt is eating me alive. Why?

Fear, Fury, Rage, and Wrath. But the greatest of my sins… Up to that… Indifference.

Sophia, my misanthropism had become such that I could do nothing but protect my son… I cry, remembering such hatred. The next day, Braxton, too, cried, and I ignored him.

Thursday, January 28, 2021, I was finished for the week. And I finally called the doctor for Braxton. On Friday, January 29, 2021, I learned that my firstborn son was dying. Braxton had all the heart problems in the world, but it was his kidney failure that would end him.

That’s a lie. On Sunday, January 31, 2021, I signed away my son’s life. Euthanasia.

Lady Sophia, there are many things I want to write. Braxton and a thousand stories. Inevitably, it’s finally this Rest In Peace, my best friend, brother, son, and heart, Braxton.

And with that, I should have followed him. I don’t know why I didn’t, Lady Sophia. My fear and cowardice. The knowledge of what awaits me. Can it be any worse than this, Sophia? I wake up every morning without the one I love. That’s my story, as you see.

Years ago, I could have sent out everything I’d written. I wouldn’t be hating my Day Job still. I could have saved him. I could be reading about his stepmom and siblings loving him. I love you, Braxton, Always and Forever. Braxton Lives, WRITE Virgil

1461 Days Without B III, Day 902 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will