Tag: Man

Saga 077 ~Fan Of B, V~

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I’m a fan of Mia Goth now. That’s from X and Pearl alone. And now MaXXXine? I’m not quite the fan of Virgil yet… I would tell my son, “Love ya B, Love ya Braxton. Replace Love with Later and switch the name. But V barks when I come back. Fan Of B, V.

Friday, September 16, 2022

Saga 077 ~Fan Of B, V~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or I’m doing my “best” to get there. At least, it’s what I told Virgil yesterday.

My “best” wasn’t enough to save Braxton. My first cry of today coming up. As you can see by the time, I’m pretty late. Yeah, unless it’s someplace, I don’t want to be and movies. Hell! I was gone most of the week that B III lay dying. And I even left him that Saturday because I was “hungry….” I didn’t think for a second that he would die while I wasn’t around. No, I’m not some asshole who would leave his son to die alone or amongst strangers Lady Sophia. But I am the douche that would leave my… um, Virgil in this heat. Honestly, I wanted to see that new movie “Pearl” starring Mia Goth. I’m becoming a fan, without a doubt (drools).

But to become a fan of anything or anyone these days. It’s horrible to think about, but can I go back to Monday, February 1, 2021? Let me be obsessed, addicted, and hopelessly devoted to my son’s memory. It beats how I’m living. Depressive, hopeless, clarity. Knowing the way down, you know. And I keep saying it. This place feels like Hell anyway, Lady Sophia. At least, Treachery is the coldest circle of Hell. Freezing, darkness. I wake up every morning pissed off that I’m not there. Three fans are blasting in my ears, and again I tell Virgil. I’m trying my “best.” Is it that I’m not quite a fan of his yet, going on what, 34 days? And I’m burning money, watching movies.

I’m burning at the Day Job in my anger. My Humiliations Galore reach incredible heights. There’s the next dog book I’m reading; I’m burning through pages. Not the GOP way. Yes, My Lady, I should text back M Anime. Um, she and Cherry get me all kinds of hot too. But that’s the thing; I’m a fan of the wrong things. So I keep blowing hot air and nothing else. Even my “father” is wondering why he isn’t getting a thank you from me anymore. Do you remember when I tried to make a deal with the devil? Losing blood. Hell! I’m losing everything, which happens when I’m not a fan of life. So adopting? I don’t deserve to be a Fan Of B, V.

593 Days Without B III, Day 034 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 075 ~I’d B Lying V~

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What will today bring? I am not a prophet but Humiliations Galore. A ton of anxiety and rage. And I’ll be so exhausted if I see the end of the day that “the dreams in which I’m dying” will be the best I ever had. Because being happy? “I’d B Lying V.”

Wednesday, September 14, 2022

Saga 075 ~I’d B Lying V~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but reread the title Inspector; I’d B Lying. And I can’t stand bullshit, bullies, and blowhards.

Inspector, I should also say something about Time Travel. Considering it’s Saturday, September 10, 2022. Sigh. You know what that means, Inspector. Today already sucks, ha! How do I know, right? Braxton wouldn’t share that sentiment, even while he lay dying. The second time I’ve cried today. But I doubt I’ll be going out today. How many Saturdays did it take me to find Virgil again? I’m supposed to talk about Wednesday and what I haven’t seen yet. Where will I be Inspector come the time you read this? Ever? Paranoia, Worries, Anxiety, etc. It’s all bullshit, isn’t it? The lies I tell. Again I can’t stand myself or anyone lying. But as always, I have my Republican tendencies, saving my ass and telling Virgil?

What? That I’m better than whoever had him in the first place? I think that’s what I’ve seen in his eyes for 32 days. Yeah, I’m the big bad bully. Hell! He got his name for the man who guided Dante through the Inferno. And the boy that could harness the fire and all the black magic, Vivi. But I’d be lying if I said I’m what’s best for Virgil Vivi, Inspector. I mean, when have I ever thought about being guided “through” Hell? It’s practically home. Got the temperature and everything unless you ask my “father” (sigh). Talk about being a bully. Oh, what am I complaining about? He offered to intercede. Inspector, my soul, ain’t worth air conditioning. This existence! What bullies do…

The blowhards. Cock sucking, dick-riding for Jesus, fucking you up, making you a bitch, and such. Pardon my language Inspector Echo. One more reason “I Need Some Sleep,” isn’t it? I’d be lying if I said it would help. There’s always the truth Inspector Echo. I’ve said before that the words I love you are used too often. The same with hate or kill. And it all comes out as nothing more but noise. Hot air! Inspector, I’m burning! Inspector, I am guilty, but not for all of it. The part that fears you will never read this, ever. What don’t I fear? What don’t I lie about? I love my firstborn, my Braxton. I don’t say love you, Virgil, yet… I’d B Lying V

591 Days Without B III, Day 032 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 074 ~To B Relaxed V~

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To wake up saying no, screaming, or all sexy. And when I’m awake, I look over my shoulder, wait for a surprise, or skulk around even when I’m alone. There ain’t no rest for the wicked, peace or happiness. Imagining things? “To B Relaxed V.”

Tuesday, September 13, 2022

Saga 074 ~To B Relaxed V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means we can afford a vacation. How about some good drugs? Settle for a snack?

Hell! Nothing beats sleep but everything. If there’s anything, I’ll give this E-Day come and gone. Getting a goodnight’s sleep. Now that’s a miracle. Oh, but I still wasted the day. Yep, I know, ok. That’s no good with us being parents, though sleep is in short supply. Especially rest. Love, I know that I haven’t rested since the 8th. Is that how many kids I want? With my Republican tendencies, I’m more of a traditionalist. You know, the Nuclear Family. 2.5 kids? And how many do we have now, plus V, who’s been here what a month and some change? But we’re not the type of family the GOP wants, except financially speaking, tokens. Being a black man’s hard. And a guilty one, Love.

One and the same? This is taking a different tone than I intended. But you never know what you’ll get when this man wakes up. I was speaking to you “In Dreams” and then… That’s the thing. Why do you think I have so many alarms on the phone? I need to know where I will be every moment of the day. Even if the reason’s passed away. Braxton remains on my phone. And now there are the fears I had before I knew the truth of what was happening. Could I share those with you, since I share everything else about my boy? To give voice to all these things… I don’t think you would be able to rest here with me. You’d leave…

I value your peace. Yours, the children, as Virgil lies here this Friday afternoon. Another reason I’m not relaxing is that I know what this Tuesday will bring. It could be so much worse. It’s my Old Man calling me about wrecking his tranquility by not allowing him to destroy mine. I’ve said it how many times now? I rather burn. And I fear I will. I’ve deserved it for a long time. But I still lie in fear of it. My emergence into Hell. E-Day, of course, when I had to talk to my Ma. Love, if I had my way… Being born here? There’s my rage at the world. All the humiliations to consider. Peace? For someone like me? To B Relaxed V.

590 Days Without B III, Day 031 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 073 ~ Don’t Be Nosy Be Mindful~

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Ignorance is bliss? If only I had adopted that last Thursday. How about before I took the Day Job that has made me STUPID for over a decade. A doggy has been trying to get to know me for a month. When will we learn? Don’t Be Nosy Be Mindful

Monday, September 12, 2022

Saga 073 ~ Don’t Be Nosy Be Mindful~

Two-Hundred and Fifty-Seventh Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I must know everything. Like Finnick Odair, right? What is money to information, secrets… paranoia.

Like today, Friday, September 9, 2022. I’ll be a lot worse if you’re reading this Monday. There’s been many a day I’ve been at the Day Job, and everyone disappears. Or there is a phone call a manager has to respond to. Hell! People, in general. Being all around me. As the song goes, “Is there anyone out there? ‘Cause it’s gettin’ harder and harder to breathe.” Follow your nose, or rather I should shut my mouth. When it comes to all my secrets. But that’s the thing, J. The things that go on inside my head. Sick! Scary! Suffering! Oh, there’s plenty of that, which is why I slept hard after talking to Lady Sophia. It’s exhausting, excruciating, and evil to think one minute.

No wonder Braxton couldn’t take it. You didn’t think I would forget about him, now did you? The angel on my shoulder. I think the lady at Best Buy noticed him, but I don’t want to talk about last Tuesday. What about little Virgil? He’s busy running towards me. Nope. I could talk about all the people at the Day Job. You know there’s a difference between laughing with and being laughed at. They don’t want to know me but about me. Oh no, Madam. And my Olds? Fuck! Your kid tried to take their life on how many occasions? And they never tried to stop me once. And anything I tell them is called STUPID or more Humiliations Galore. I called myself emo before…

Yes, I’m embracing my teenage years again now that E-Day has come and gone (whew). The only person that cares who I am now or was way back then is Braxton’s Aunt, to be sure. I can share almost anything with her. And yes, Brandy, to exist like this almost counts for quite a lot. Only that’s what’s scaring me. Like all my edging, the point of no return (sigh). The things I find… And then wanting more. Greed isn’t a sin I deal with on the regular. Sure I want money, but I’m much more of a hoarder. That explains my porno collection plenty. My fears, insecurities, my troubles. Sticking my nose everywhere to alleviate fear and gaining more. Don’t Be Nosy Be Mindful.

589 Days Without B III, Day 030 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 072 ~Better B’s Advice V~

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King Ezekiel was just “Some Guy” in The Walking Dead. And let’s not forget “Sum Dum Goy” in “The Last Dragon.” And speaking of remembering, Tuesday, September 11, 2001, “9/11.” Yet if I could give myself any advice on existence… “Better B’s Advice V”

Sunday, September 11, 2022

Saga 072 ~Better B’s Advice V~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you wouldn’t listen to a preacher anyway. A motivational speaker? Your father? You’d be dead already.

Well, that’s one thing that isn’t going away at the start of the week. The memory as to why either. Drinking, doing drugs, or your dick sucked wouldn’t help the overall problem, so why bother? You’re being STUPID! Hell! You’ll get only peer pressure in the mirror and Virgil Vivi’s eyes. No, you’re not there with him yet. Looking into his eyes and seeing who you want to be, ha. Funny that a long time ago… What? Braxton’s been gone 588 days. Virgil’s first month. Anyway, I made a list of things I learned from Triple B and then lost it. The only man worth listening to, and you don’t have his words anymore. What can Virgil say with nearly 30 days; Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing The Title The Dog Under The Bed, DJ Cowdall
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing A Shopping Trip To Help Virgil Vivi Stay Cool
    Completed
  3. I WILL BE Making An Attempt At Getting Anything Published To Make Some Cash
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VIGILANT For Sexual Endeavors, For E-Day, Somehow, Someway
    Failed
  5. I WILL BE VALUED If Only To Myself By Finding A Prize E-Day
    Completed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT, So I Maybe The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Is it honest to say I did three of these things? If anything, you’re as confused as Virgil is right now. And getting as scared again. As V’s coughing fits have returned, so what now? I know last week was all about not learning from the past. A year of advice, experience, and learning for what? To be 38 and sound more and more like some emo teen every day. If you had your way, you’d go back to the day when you read the Basic Bitch’s words. Eek! What did I talk about earlier this week? A list of the worst days? Another list

  1. Braxton’s Death
  2. E- Day
  3. Tifa’s Mature Dress/Zoe Colletti, January 11, 2022
  4. Lesson 001 July 2, 2017

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Dog Under The Bed 2 by DJ Cowdall
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp My Poetry Book… SOON
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 005 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

While we’re on the subject of bad days and things you won’t be doing, like being a better American… Tuesday, September 11, 2001. Twin Towers, The Pentagon, Senior Year, yep. What about being a better friend? We could talk about Virgil being in his own room at the moment. Because being around you… Talk about seeing anxiety. V’s learned much. What can I tell you to do? I know what I want to say, but it involves closing your eyes. You could always go back to sleep. I finished a week of blogging because this week is going to suck. You could catch your breath after your toes curl or why bother at all, hmm? Breathing is so overrated. But Virgil? Better B’s Advice V

588 Days Without B III, Day 029 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 071 ~Leaving Leaves B V~

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What is there to say when I’m selfish thinking of myself. I’m not much to talk about. High school, the Day Job might disagree. Now there are elections, a dead queen, the memorial of an attack. Neither V nor I want to go out. And B? Leaving Leaves B V

Saturday, September 10, 2022

Saga 071 ~Leaving Leaves B V~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means days should be getting better, not worse. But I sat up and started crying.

About B? I could say I go back and forth some days. I’ve lost track over these 587 days; how many I’ve missed without a tear for him? More often than not. Could use a pool. Lunalesca, existence is way too much sometimes. 587 days without Braxton. And now 28 days with Virgil. Four weeks in, and he is already following suit. He sleeps a lot and doesn’t want to go out and explore. What do I know about this little boy that is almost 2? That we both don’t want to touch anything for fear of destroying it and taking the fall for it? Hell! I was looking at what I did on the eighth. It gives me chills, which I could use now.

I could be an upstanding American considering the date. Tomorrow is 9/11, and where was I back then? I sat in my senior English class, bemoaning my horrible existence. The more things change, the more they stay the same, right? The only difference is we could blame somebody else. Now I look at the country, and we can only blame ourselves, Lady Lunalesca. As the song goes, “We need a good assassination. We need an earthquake or a war. How ’bout a crooked politician? Hey stupid, that ain’t news no more.” Hell! We have all that and a bag of chips. Speaking of which, I should go shopping. Didn’t I say Tuesday was a bad day? I could be freaking out over nothing… right, RIGHT?

Story of my continued existence. No wonder I’m late getting up this morning at 6:00, Lu. Wake up with gratitude, right? Besides the tears, there is FEAR as usual. Adding more? There will be plenty coming this week. And I need to talk to your sisters and B III. Did I mention I’m listening to the Succubus Lord series for the third time? Well, I did start on 10, which is my favorite. I wanted “Fairy Tale: Succubus, Book 7,” but fuck Audible, that’s why I’m not. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Leaves do. To be careful like Virgil Vivi. But no matter what, there’s a time for everything and a season. Politics and now religion. Lunalesca, being in my head… Leaving Leaves B V

587 Days Without B III, Day 028 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 070 ~ Virgil’s Story Begins B~

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Reading about dogs dying or hiding under beds… Virgil hasn’t discovered he could do that… yet. I should read the adoption kit that he came with. But then I read all these bills and the scary stuff online. My own story? “Virgil’s Story Begins B.”

Friday, September 9, 2022

Saga 070 ~ Virgil’s Story Begins B~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and that begins with the first dollar made. Being worried about money at “Times Like These.”

You know how I am; I have to replace one problem with a bigger one. Virgil isn’t a problem, Lady Sophia… Tell that to all the air I was taking in almost four weeks ago. Sophia, I’m still thinking about the air conditioner and how hot it is here. The humiliation with my old man. And how he could have forgotten about me, which isn’t too hard to do on any occasion. Even in this heat, though, I break down. Yet again, I find myself at day one, my Lady. What? I already had my clothes off, and Virgil was in his room, not hacking. Hell! Braxton would always be here as I looked up… Well, whatever. Let’s say the Uncharted series isn’t helping me.

As a matter of fact, it’s why I believe I’m in trouble. Do you remember how I was a week or so before Braxton passed? Not the rage at work or the indifference towards him, but the paranoia. As I said, “Times Like These,” when I’m more “Somebody’s Watching Me.” Who the hell am I in comparison to my sister or the Queen of England? Quite the jump, don’t you think? My sister’s birthday is right behind E-Day. And the Queen died yesterday. Who has time for me? I bet law enforcement. As the song goes, “First let me explain that I’m just a black man. And I come from the dark side, so I’m having a hard time stayin’ on track, man.” It’s madness.

I’m in the same place I was when B III came into the world. And then he left me. Only now will I be downstairs today, writing a book with Virgil on his pillow. Nope. I’m only up on time right now because, like most days with the Day Job. There’s only fear. Will I get to see Virgil through four weeks and then even more? There’s so much he needs, but where is the money? Oh yeah, at the Day Job. And one of my greatest fears in that place despite all the Humiliations Galore. Outside embarrassments. Another reason I’m not writing books today. So what about reading? Unfinished books irk me something awful. But “my” story and Virgil Vivi’s? Virgil’s Story Begins B

586 Days Without B III, Day 027 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 068 ~B My Age V~

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Today is the second worse day of existence, E-Day. The first is the day B died. The third involves “Tifa Lockhart’s dress.” The fourth is starting the Day Job. But let’s focus on today or not. To not have to emerge or exist today being 38. B My Age V

Wednesday, September 7, 2022

Saga 068 ~B My Age V~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, at the age of 38. If that were true, then Happy E-Day. Of course, I’m not.

I should preface this because I’m writing on Sunday, September 4, 2022. You know I don’t want to do a damn thing on E-Day. Except that it vanishes. Hell! I need a break now, Inspector. But if I have any chance to … FUCK survive! The one thing I can’t fail at Inspector Echo. I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I have to do something today. Air conditioning? The money I don’t have to help Virgil be more comfortable. And as for myself? Existence? Inspector, if I wanted to die, I could block my Olds’ numbers. Inevitable what’s coming. It’s only going to get worse. And without Braxton but with Virgil here. I should have thought about that. I’m amazed I rise every day.

Who knows, I might get lucky. We’re still dealing with the real-world Inspector Echo. Now that being said. As I spoke to my Future Wife, what do I want for E-Day, the 38th ha? The song says, “The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.” Inspector, to DIE. Simple and plain. I wake up on fire anyway, trying to comfort a puppy, don’t I? Speaking of a drooling dog, how about a drooling me? I’ve seen Braxton’s aunt Carolina naked, sure. Or at least her Yabbos. Either way, she won’t say anything about E-Day out of respect or forgetfulness. Then, of course, there’s Cherry and M Anime. Ha-Ha, that’s so funny. Cherry doesn’t know. M Anime… “Not That Kind” of girl.

Ok, that goes for both of them, to be honest. The other girls I know… or could pay for, um? Did I mention I’m right here with the door open to get air and help V with the heat? Yep. No money. But if I work today, I can get out of the house and find a fan or something. Echo, what will I do come the actual day? What about in the future as I do Endure and Survive? I looked up where I was last year. There were 37 things on that list, and not one was finished. Chronicle 068 ~B III The Emergence~. Lying, I did get a new battery. At my age, what have I done? To B My Age V

Chronicle 068 ~B III The Emergence~

584 Days Without B III, Day 025 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 067 ~B, V, E, GTD~

WillLeave a comment

To have B back. To be able to save Virgil from this heat. Hell! Getting in some girl’s draws. At this rate, I couldn’t buy myself a pair, honest. Trying to fix the AC, the day-to-day. And E-Day? “Emergence” and “Existence” was a mistake. B, V, E, GTD

Tuesday, September 6, 2022

Saga 067 ~B, V, E, GTD~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should want for nothing. Hell! With that much money, I found my reason.

Well, a new one, anyway. Only nothing can replace Braxton. So we’re on the eve of E-Day, and all I can think is, thank God it isn’t Sunday, January 31, 2021. The worst day ever. Braxton might still be alive. And instead, I chose the day I killed my greatest love… up to that point. But if I had decided to join him… I can’t remember all my attempts. Plenty. Love, I was going to bring up January 11, 2022, the Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart “Mature Dress” Incident. But then again, what day was it my “father” called, August 26, 2022? Yeah, I was screaming into a pillow and then went into my nightstand… To think I bought THAT to protect Braxton and me. Now V…

If there was one thing I was not asking for on E-Day, it’s another fur baby. If he weren’t here… Virgil is already showing his worth; all I can think about is failing him. If I were to wish for anything at all, it would be for him. Wow, a billionaire that shares. Again, with that much cash, I’d wish for as the song goes. “I want a lover I don’t have to love. I want a girl who’s too sad to give a fuck.” I’m going to be sad come tomorrow Love. And you? Why do you think we’re talking right now? It seems fitting that E-Day falls on the day of my sins. I was one big fucking sin. Virgil’s E-Day, October 20.

You have no idea how that broke my heart again. A list of why I think Braxton is Virgil or Virgil is Virgil. Either way, my wish would be this. Whoever he is to have happiness. Only I’m never happy. All the money. I have you as my missus. And mammaries galore. However, the question becomes, what do I want on this E-Day? Braxton awake and alive. If I’m going to burn in this heat, why fuck around with it? If I’m going to Hell, why not do it EXPEDITIOUSLY? My family needs me. You need me. Then explain to Virgil what I’m doing. As I was talking to M Anime the other day saying GTD. Got The Draws, now, the 6th, E-Day? Keeping our love. B, V, E, GTD

583 Days Without B III, Day 024 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 066 ~Stupidity And Humor Are Different~

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I’m not one to watch movies, for stupidity’s sake. And the comedians we see… some tell the truth, and we laugh. I wake up to the bad joke, which is existence. Telling the same jokes on a Friday, I can on a Monday. “Stupidity And Humor Are Different.”

Monday, September 5, 2022

Saga 066 ~Stupidity And Humor Are Different~

Two-Hundred and Fifty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Should I laugh or cry? At least I’m not dumb. I feel stupid, but Madam, I know.

The truth is what matters. Today Madam, is Friday, September 2, 2022; when we’re talking, I’m sorry, that’s the truth. Sorry because this is going to be a bad week. Worse than last? It’s inevitable. Sorry that my son is still dead. Um, I don’t know; I’m looking at Virgil Vivi, and what do I see? Well, he’s not my son yet, hmm? Was I stupid for thinking as such? A solid three weeks so far. 582 Days without my boy and 23 with Virgil. Well, that’s if he hasn’t decided to run away because of the heat. One more reason I’m up and talking to you today besides failure. I tend to do that, but today I’m a man of courage, learning the truth.

It would have been stupid to live in fear. Hell! What am I talking about? If anything, I will always live in fear. Anyway, so I texted some other repairmen about the AC being broken. Wasn’t I angry about it working this time last week? Now anger makes us stupid. It’s why we have clowns (see the featured picture). At the same time, I can replace that face with my own. Do you understand why I hate fucking clowns? No party for me, no thank you. Who the Hell parties in well… Hell? I should think about the loss of Braxton to keep cool. Only the day he died is colder than the day I should have passed. E-Day approaches. What will I do, Madam?

At least I’m keeping the last of the money in my pocket because I went around my “father’s” stupidity and friends. It’s not like any of them know I exist, but the one that does won’t take me for another dime. I don’t have enough of them to save V and me from this heat. I was too busy burning time with sleep, sex, and silent words not being read. Silly me, complaining again? No, as I said, I know the truth. But what will I do about it, hmm? Put the phone down and do something. I’ve said before, Madam, that the comedian is dead. My entire existence has been one bad joke. Yet I continue laughing but know, Stupidity And Humor Are Different.

582 Days Without B III, Day 023 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will