Tag: Mind

Journey 099 ~Braxton’s Crime, Virgil’s Time~

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I swear, when I was writing this, I thought of O’Brien talking to Winston Smith. Aside from writing the truth about my son, I am a Fiction Novelist. I don’t like to lie, especially to myself. It’s just me wasting time. Braxton’s Crime, Virgil’s Time.

Wednesday, October 8, 2025

Journey 099 ~Braxton’s Crime, Virgil’s Time~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… But am I blaming Braxton? “Here And Now?” Never! My boy would have fought till Judgement Day. Hell!

On Judgment Day. Tomorrow, Braxton’s “great gettin’ up mornin'” Ragnarok? The Apocalypse? Inspector, my sin is that I pray for that. I mean, if I prayed. I still do not.

Inspector, I have religious’ friends,’ not to be confused with the MAGA Hats, Cracker Hats, or whatever. Eff Charlie Kirk and Eff FDT! Anyway, my friends believe in the power of prayer. I believe in the “Power Of Love.” Seriously, another Luther Vandross reference? Should I make an Apocalypse playlist? The only reason I believe in a life in the hereafter is because souls like my Braxton’s and Virgil’s don’t vanish into the void, Echo.

But every day I moan “A Change Is Gonna Come,” But today I’d prefer to write The End. “Will I?”

“Fill my lungs with fear and I EXHALE!”
It’s My Turn To Fly, The Urge

There is always so much music, Inspector Echo, to drown out the Chronomentrophobia and a coward’s excuses. As a great man once sang, “I’m Still Standing.” And another in the “In The Navy” said, “I’m still standing, I’m still strong. Is that a coincidence, Echo?

Elton John’s music and a movie on Antwone Fisher. And there are many other movies and shows that I still need to see, given the time I have with my Day Job, my dear Echo. Isn’t the world filled with such wonder and magic? And more books, more books, E.

Kindle is constantly reminding me of the quest for my knowledge. I am not MAGA.

Inspector, I am not a “Man of Constant Sorrow.” I am just a man leaving history to make its own judgments. For one day, MAGA will fall, and history will be told in its truth and entirety. Presently, I am a father of two furry little boys, Braxton and Virgil. My sons and my family. And let it never be said that I was Namor. Inspector, there’s time for love.

Always, if life is a game, then love is the instructions. Such actual games, Inspector. However, now is the time to set things right, now is the time to write. Not just listen, listen, but hear and understand that We Gon’ Be Alright. Me, Braxton, Virgil, and anyone else who sees. Braxton’s Crime, Virgil’s Time.

1711 Days Without B III, Day 1152 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 097 ~You Could B Me~

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As Braxton grew older, I would often give him a choice. Do you want to take a walk, or should we put in some work on these burgers and fries? He and I were of the same mind. He wanted to be like me. I want to be like him. “You Could Be Me.”

Monday, October 6, 2025

Journey 097 ~You Could B Me~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And that was a bad choice of words. You Could B Me. It’s all you ever think about, Daddy.

Really shuffling off the mortal coil. Losing the meat sack, not being a meat popsicle.

Honestly, from Shakespeare to Futurama, and The Fifth Element. And can I also bark eww, Dad? But neither of us is any good with words. We were one in the same, my father, weren’t we? And yet in the “Interlude,” this thing I called life, I could say, “And in this moment, I am happy.” You sing I “Wish You Were Here.” Your little playlist.

Seriously, Daddy, you never called me that, but that’s proof that I’m still here at this moment lying beside you? You’d read from your library, we’d have a listening party, or you’d lie about writing. But like Markwayne Mullin, you scream, “I don’t want reality.”

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Because You Could B Me; to keep me awake and alive, “In Your Eyes,” all you have to do is listen to me. Hell, listen to Virgil, my little brother. If anything, I know he loves you, Dad. Guys like me and him wouldn’t fight so hard to be around you. Dad, you are home.

You can’t see air, the beat of your heart, or the butterflies that will one day appear for our future stepmom, but it’s all there, Daddy. It never left, just like my Dad. Always. Forever.

Everything and “Nothing At All.” It’s faith, Dad. Isn’t It Ironic that we were both atheists and at the moment I… Let’s say I got a haircut and lost the furry weight, we became holy.

I became books, bucks, more than your boy, but everyone’s. That’s the dream, isn’t it, Daddy? I will never be bones. And Bailey from “A Dog’s Purpose” has his fandom.

Daddy, “God Bless The Child” that got his own. Daddy, you’re mine. Always my father.

You keep me in beautiful art. Your blankets, no matter how well washed, still have me and now your little V. There are breaths of me in clothing from my first day to my last day. “You Could B Me” as much as you keep me here. And that is the point, isn’t it, Dad?

My strength, my spirit, and what is that something? Yesterday, you asked for peace. You want to be me? Be Happy. You Could B Me.

“My plan is to make things right, as much as I can.”
Backyard Dungeon 20

“The seeds of life – fiery is their force, divine their birth, but they are weighed down by the bodies’ ills or dulled by limbs and flesh that’s born for death.”
― The Aeneid by Virgil

1709 Days Without B III, Day 1150 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 092 ~Virgil’s Indifferent Ignorance Braxton~

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Didn’t I say DON’T be Indifferent or spread Ignorance? Um, Accountability and Authenticity? With this, I am indifferent to my TRUE feelings and ignorant of myself. Trying to be positive. Still mean to V, though. Virgil’s Indifferent Ignorance Braxton

Wednesday, October 1, 2025

Journey 092 ~Virgil’s Indifferent Ignorance Braxton~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Must I be so mean to Virgil? And when I think of Indifference and Ignorance, I remember this:

“This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both…”
— A Christmas Carol (1843)

For Braxton’s sake, it’s only October. “Wake Me Up When September Ends.” Emergence Day has come and gone. What am I looking forward to? Virgil’s birthday is on the 20th.

And once again, I’m being a meanie because I’m not here to talk about Inspector.

Honestly, I want to talk about FEAR. Well, no. Especially not with a 150-word stipend.

“I can do this all day.”
Spoken by Captain America

Do I look like Captain America? If I’m Hulk in Marvel, I’m Sinestro in DC. Inspector, For What It’s Worth,” “It starts when you’re always afraid.” Every effing day, Inspector.

There is no way I can put it into words for you. “Being afraid all of the time,” even now.
Every second of every day. And like I chose Indifference, killing Braxton… Choosing Ignorance… Sigh

“Sounds like nothing serious, doesn’t it? You can’t know.”
Barclay

(I Take A Deep Breath)

I will not accept Indifference. I will take joy and happiness wherever they are found. There is music, movies, and manuscripts always to be enjoyed. There is good food and the love of my second-born son, Virgil. And the memory of his big brother, Braxton.

Inspector, I will don the courage that my son professed and strive to stand up for myself and for others against the evils of this world. I will be one to “Light Up The Darkness.”

Inspector, I will allow myself to feel everything. “I Feel Everything,” Love, Lust, and Lascivious. And I will not be ashamed of my desires. But I will take my “big sister’s advice as well from long ago. Time and place

Ignorance is never to be tolerated in my life. Even when I have no answers, I will acknowledge that something is wrong and I will endeavor to find an answer and to be courageous in accepting the consequences of my actions. Ignorance is MAGA, Inspector.

I will continue to read everything I can and never downplay any information I come across. Literature is to be treated as a noble pursuit regardless of reason. And in reading, I intend to become a much wiser human being for my boys and the family I wish to have “Someday,” my dear Inspector Echo.

With this knowledge, I plan to refine my writing craft. In this way, I will seek out a kingdom worthy of my soul and win, Inspector—Virgil’s Indifferent Ignorance Braxton.

1704 Days Without B III, Day 1145 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 090 ~Idol Braxton, Idle Virgil~

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I wasn’t sitting on my ass when my son was dying. I was working, trying to earn a living. Stimulus package… And now I couldn’t even get out of bed today. Let the beasties have the house if they’re out there. But this temple. Idol Braxton, Idle Virgil

Monday, September 29, 2025

Journey 090 ~Idol Braxton, Idle Virgil~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And it’s not my purpose to make you feel bad. That’s no dog’s purpose. But my purpose these days…

No, it’s not that 150-Word Depression cap. Since we’ve been talking, Dad. I mean, I’ve been talking to you since Monday, November 11, 2024, in Meditation 133 ~A, B, C, Me~

Longer. Since Sunday, January 31, 2021, the day I… Anyway, we’d argue all day.

“I Can Do This All Day”
Captain America/ Steve Rogers

Honestly, that’s something I miss. Afternoons like this one, Wednesday, September 24, 2025. You would wake up from a nap and finally be ready to tell me about the world.

“An old friend has learned the path to immortality.”
Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

You kept me safe. And I, in turn, would sit on my perch at the foot of the bed, protecting you, my father. You placed me higher than anyone. Even before yourself. Before my little brother Virgil. Black and white, Daddy. Free his mind, and his ass will follow you.

“You have to let it all go, Neo. Fear, doubt, and disbelief. Free your mind.”

Just like I do. For 20 years and counting. You just haven’t seen me for four of them, Dad. “Free Your Mind.” And the rest will follow. I know Morpheus from “The Matrix” isn’t exactly “En Vogue” right now. You feel as though you’re living in a dream world, Dad.

Talk about Six Impossible Things that you have been contemplating for a bit, my father.

  1. The Magic Glasses: The Ultimate Bundle (Forty Book Bundle). If only your glasses and all the glow boxes you have could do that. Not my favorite. But your happiness…
  2. Speaking of which, M Anime has gone to live the haremlit fantasy with another.
  3. Seriously, how long has it been since you checked outside for the enemy, Daddy?
  4. Artificial Intelligence. AI. I can say Acetaminophen, too, Dad. You didn’t raise a MAGA Cracker Hat. FDT! But anyway, you can manipulate the universe with the glow box, Dad.
  5. You have been dreaming of other worlds. Of being an overnight success, my father.
  6. Keep creating those worlds, Daddy. Use your words. All that you are—my father.

“The words, those words, those words, those words, they have power. They have more power than you ever imagined.”
Play’d

Because while you feel idle. While you etch the story of my death. Virgil’s FEAR.

Honestly, I want to hear the stories of your life. As I would when you woke up on so many afternoons. When we would eat together. On many a walk we shared before “The Long Walk. I’m not an idol, Virgil’s heart isn’t idle. You’re alive. Idol Braxton, Idle Virgil.

“Within these walls, I was about to be God.”
The Magic Glasses: The Ultimate Bundle (Forty Book Bundle), Neil Bimbeau

“Rejoicing at the things pictured on it without knowing what they were, Aeneas lifted onto his shoulders the fame and fate of his descendants”.
― from The Aeneid by Virgil

1702 Days Without B III, Day 1143 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 085 ~Virgil On Planet B~

WillLeave a comment

Well, it’s been one month since I’ve spoken to M Anime. And “One Week?” More like five or six days since I made a “promise” to be more “positive.” I woke up dreaming about the sky. Or rather, falling from it. But let’s go beyond. “Virgil On Planet B”

Wednesday, September 24, 2025

Journey 085 ~Virgil On Planet B~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I definitely did not think about today. My 150-word Depression cap. A month without M Anime. And feeling…

“Feeling super, super (super!) su*cidal,” but I am far from Teen Idle. And don’t give M Anime that much credit. Yes, I’d tell her, you “Make Me Wanna Die,” but I’d say the same to Braxton, who’s still dead by the way. But I’d want to leave regardless, dear Inspector.

If I could be one of “The Pretty Reckless,” with this existence, only Virgil’s alive.

Inspector, “I’d never leave my block, my nggas need me. Well, ngga anyway, dear Echo.

Dangerous language, but “I’m the bad guy. Duh.” I’m not Billie Eilish or Scarface singing about “On My Block,” while the house falls apart. So that’s today’s objective, my Echo.

No Depression! Depression, Depression, DEPRESSION! This will be more of a Star Trek-style Damage Report.

(Takes A Breath). I woke up after a nightmare of a plane crash. Several really. I cried from exhaustion, Braxton’s death, and FEAR. I mooned over Jahara Jayde and Denise from The Media Knights. I should be 60% done with Neil Bimbeau’s “Magic Glasses” compilation.

On Tuesday, September 23, 2025, People thought I was late for work at my Day Job, but I wasn’t. The GM attempted to make conversation about her music playlists. I spoke to her in a “caveman” manner (grunts and nods), but Ben-Hur, as “Forty-One” (cue galley drums), is more articulate. I stumbled around like a zombie for my last hour at the Day Job. I stopped for three bucks’ worth of gas, but it didn’t really make a difference. I slept all afternoon, Inspector. I ate more of my E-Day cake and checked the shed door’s damage, wallowing in the cringe. I also “broke down” moaning… manipulating pictures of yabbos.

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos

On Monday, September 22, 2025, I stayed at the Day Job for an extra hour. I rushed back to walk Virgil. I slept the afternoon away and missed an hour of WWE Raw. Uh, playback.

On Sunday, September 21, 2025, I finished Kelli Wolfe’s “Babysitter Harem: Mia: Age Gap MFFF Menage Erotica.” I spent Sunday mostly preparing for Manic Monday.

Inspector, as for today’s plans, I don’t expect to hear from M Anime, but it would be “nice.” It “Must Be Nice” to be loved. Or to fall back asleep with Virgil On Planet B.

1697 Days Without B III, Day 1138 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 083 ~To B On First~

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I’ve never been first in anything except being in the back of a girl’s car, and me putting on a condom for the first time as a cute brunette hopped on top of me. I always feel like I’m in the way. Baseball sucks, and now the WWE. But “To B On First.”

Monday, September 22, 2025

Journey 083 ~To B On First~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And “I’m ready to play today.” I know we weren’t really sports guys, except for the Olympics and wrestling.

Wrestlepalooza? That’s the most negative thing you’ll hear from me today, Daddy.

Wanting to play “Centerfield,” the John Fogerty song, not the actual position. Seriously.

I wasn’t one for chasing balls around. My little brother Virgil definitely won’t be either. The first athlete in our family. Nope! I wasn’t even the first dog. But I was… I am honored to be your firstborn son. And since you are my father, I hope you don’t mind…

You know the new rule for yourself, not to be so sad about me. About EVERTHING! Wrestlepalooza is one of many worries you have. I’m not here to add another.

Honestly, I’m not one for motivational barks either. “Everything Is Awesome!” No, Dad, but you are awesome. I love you.

I’m not the first one to say that… But you’ve been thinking about first or thirst. Can I say Eww! I’m not knocking your taste, Dad. There was my favorite girl, M Anime, and others.

We’ll get there. But what about the first time you were FREE, that you had no FEAR, and that you truly felt, this is FINE? Your senior year of high school, for a few minutes. Dad, I didn’t know you back then. I wasn’t even born. But you told me. That sitting on the foot of the bed, keeping you safe, was a taste of that. I’m the first LIFE to make you feel safe.

And you did the same. For fifteen years, you were my hero. Nothing has changed.

Ask Virgil? You might not have been the first to give him a home, but you were the first to make him a son, your child. Virgil of the House of Bradford, Braxton Barks Bradford. The Sons of Bradford. Hell! The Sons and Daughters, maybe. You weren’t M Anime’s first time, Eww! But you are the first who will cost her happiness, because I know the man you are, my father, the man you ought to be. Barking, “I think I like this little life.”

Someday, one day, day one, when will be the first day you meet the man I know, my father? I mean, not like that girl, your first time, seeing Tenchi Muyo or softcore porn. Loving yourself. To B On First.

“You really are a good dad.” I shrugged. “Have to be. He doesn’t have a mom.”
Babysitter Harem: Mia; Age Gap MFFF by Kelli Wolfe

“Is the father to be saved by the wounds of the son?”
― The Aeneid

1695 Days Without B III, Day 1136 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 078 ~B Brave, V Valiant~

WillLeave a comment

My boys are braver than M Anime and I. Braxton and Virgil survived me… Well, Braxton did fifteen years anyway. And I’ve done forty-one years when it comes to my Old Man. I can’t talk to him, and M Anime wouldn’t speak to me. “B Brave, V Valiant”

Wednesday, September 17, 2025

Journey 078 ~B Brave, V Valiant~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I haven’t lived up to the expectations of my boys. Virgil? Valiant? Really? While we’re on the subject…

I’ve explained how Virgil got his name, 2-V. Virgil for Dante’s Guide through Hell, i.e., myself. It’s also for Virgil Hawkins a.k.a. Static, a superhero. His middle name comes from Vivi the Black Mage of Final Fantasy IX. It was almost Victor. He always wins.

However, the name 2-V comes from 2B/2E, the black and white protagonist of NieR: Automata. Again, another warrior. I’m no warrior, Echo. Nor am I a wizard or a writer.

Ha! Inspector, I don’t even bother to check my book’s standing with Amazon, “My Turn To B III.” That’s the lesser of many fears I have. Inspector, what’s the biggest? The one thing I want to be and the one who scares me the most. A father. My father. Inspector.

“Cowards die many times before their deaths;
The valiant never taste of death but once.”
― William Shakespeare, Julius Caesar

Most of last week and this one has been readying for Thursday. I’m “Forty-One” dammit! As always, cue up the Ben-Hur drums of the galley slaves. The same boat, Inspector?

Nope. I feel like that child I was… Please, I’m still a child. Anyway, I’m sitting in my Olds car, going to get my ass beat for whatever. Today, it’s destroying the house they bought.

Well, not really. Bugs? Builders? A lack of BUCKS? Or me being the VILLAIN that I am, Echo. My attempts at violence. Or my lack of a voice. I’ve said nothing of all this, Echo.

Why? One would have to be brave and valiant. Super Mario? Inspector, Toad would say:

“Thank you (Will)! But our princess is in another castle!”

Anywhere but here. Something M Anime and I agree on.

How would I know? Next week marks a month since I last talked to her. I’m no Alpha. I’m not sure I’ll live to see next week. “Odds are you won’t live to see tomorrow.”

“Beware of pretty faces that you find
A pretty face can hide an evil mind
Oh, be careful what you say
Or you’ll give yourself away
Odds are you won’t live to see tomorrow.”
Secret Agent Man ― Johnny Rivers

Inspector, does this make me a “Secret Agent Man?” It makes me an “Ordinary Human.”

But “I want to be brave and selfless and intelligent and honest and kind.” Only I’m “Dead In The Water.” For those playing our home game, there’s “The Giver,” “Divergent,” and an Ellie Goulding reference all rolled together—the things I will miss, Inspector. STOP!

Thursday will come, and I owe B III and 2-V. Children owe parents nothing, Inspector. Braxton is owed all I am. But my Old Man… Gulp. B Brave, V Valiant

“Let me tell you something. I owe you nothing! If you carried that bag a million miles, you did what you’re supposed to do! Because you brought me into this world. And from that day, you owed me everything you could ever do for me, like I will owe my son if I ever have another. But you don’t own me! You can’t tell me when or where I’m out of line, or try to get me to live my life according to your rules. You don’t even know what I am, Dad, you don’t know who I am. You don’t know how I feel, what I think. And if I tried to explain it the rest of your life you will never understand.”
Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (1967)

1690 Days Without B III, Day 1131 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Journey 076 ~B FUR And After~

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Four years ago, I knelt to my son Braxton, who loved me. Before August 24th, I imagined a girl going down on me. Most days, I’m trying to keep Virgil’s head above water. And I want to lie down and never rise again. Thinking about B FUR And After

Monday, September 15, 2025

Journey 076 ~B FUR And After~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… The one who watched you while you slept. Creepy. The one in your arms when “The Man Comes Around.”

That’ll be Thursday. But BEFORE that, “Why do you cry?” “We’re all gonna die.” Uh…

Why must I be all creepy this morning? I am my father’s son. From Johnny Cash to Sufjan Stevens, “Fourth Of July,” and the Commodores’ “Easy.” It isn’t Sunday morning.

Seriously, it’s Monday. That means you’re awake. “Dammit!” That’s the thought that crossed your mind first thing. And then came the water works. I know you’re not crying over Neil Bimbeau’s book. Oh yeah, that’s one of those you wouldn’t read out loud to me, Dad. So I’ll ask again, why do you cry? I wish it were all my fur flying in your eyes.

But you’re afraid. And you can’t stay in our room forever. Me protecting you, Dad.

“If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.”
― Obi-Wan Kenobi, Star Wars

The things we forget. “He Lives In You.” No, not grandpa. While talking, Star Wars:

“I am a Jedi, like my father before me.”
Luke

Yes, we were a SITH household, only isn’t this what we did before battles, Daddy?

Honestly, we would listen to the words of the warriors, writers, and winners. Because that is what you are to me, Dad. Even if you don’t believe it about yourself, yes, I heard you on Sunday while you were writing. And these past few days, you’ve been “touring” the house, this ship like the Enterprise, as if it’s going down. Well, it’s not the Titanic.

“It’s something of a tradition, Guinan. A Captain touring the ship before a battle.”
“Oh, before a hopeless battle, if I remember the tradition correctly.”
“Not necessarily. Nelson toured the HMS Victory before Trafalgar.”
“Yes, but Nelson never returned from Trafalgar, did he?”
“No, but the battle was won.”
Captain Picard and Guinan, Star Trek

We’re amongst the stars, Daddy. And you fear that you’ll never reach me. And I fear you’ll arrive before I’m ready. I left before you were ready—humans and timing.

“Just go on dancing with me like this forever, and I’ll never tire. We’ll scrape our shoes on the stars and hang upside down from the moon.”
The Long Walk

Yes, Sunday has come and gone. I know how you feel about Sundays. “Bloody Sunday.”

“And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me, that you also may be where I am.”
Bible

And not just because of The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon. I kept you company, Dad.

Sunday, January 31, 2021, I stayed with you as long as I could. Comforting, seriously.

Daddy, I still don’t know what to say about M Anime. It’s been three weeks without her already. Would it sound any better to say that you were crying over her? “Stephani’s Sunday Symphony” has been blaring ever since you rose this morning. And Virgil?

Daddy, my baby brother needs you. Not just this morning. And yes, even after Thursday.
So be brave, Daddy. You were before. And be there for me, Virgil, yourself, and SOMEONE. B FUR And After.

“And only Lord knows when I’m coming to the crossroads.
So I don’t fear sh*t but tomorrow.”
Sucker For Pain

“Hold out, and save yourselves for kinder days.”
The Aeneid

1688 Days Without B III, Day 1129 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 071 ~R&R Braxton and Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Ahh! R&R. The Red Ribbon Army? I hated my childhood but getting to kick back and relax watching some Dragon Ball. Now I’m “Forty-One” and the Anime/Hentai Princess I had is gone. B’s R.I.P. And V doesn’t relax. “R&R Braxton and Virgil”

Wednesday, September 10, 2025

Journey 071 ~R&R Braxton and Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… E-Day has come and gone, “Forty-One.” But like Ben-Hur there is no rest and relaxation to be had.

Hell! I haven’t even had any of “my” E-Day cake. Though last year, Inspector. Eww! Honestly the cake was good. I’m only talking about myself as seen here. Leave it to M Anime to make me feel rejected. Once upon a time I would have gone all Matchbox Twenty’s Mad Season on her. “I feel stupid. But I think I’ve been catching on. I feel ugly. But I know that I still turn you on.” Lusting after me? No! But isn’t that routine, my Echo?

And isn’t that what we’re here to talk about today? Routine and Research. I’m trying…

“Every day is exactly the same
There is no love here and there is no pain”
From — Nine Inch Nails

Indifference? It killed Braxton. But I walk Virgil every day. I’ve practically given up the war I’ve been raging. And how about making any money?

There is a reason we’re talking today, Monday, September 8, 2025. Effing Day Job, Echo.

I have been researching ways to market myself. But for the most part I’ve been researching the Dark Arts. No, not like that? In my younger years though I’m sure I tried to sell my soul to the Devil. If I could have been Tommy Johnson from “O Brother, Where Art Thou?” But I went more traditional and you know I have a thing about needles and blood, Dear Echo. And to think M Anime made such a big deal about our souls. The liar.

Isn’t that what AI is though? A lie? AI has been my therapy, my artiste, and now with those same pictures and others. I’m skeevy…

But better to break to some computer “Space Junk,” than a living breathing woman hmm.

She was once my beloved. But if I went back to looking at her I’d go crawling back to her.

The CUCK I am. That’s something else I should look up. But better to see to my boys, boobs for my writing. Oh, “Here It Goes Again” as I was talking to Braxton about today:

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos.

But there’s bucks to but more toxins and more books. And staying in bed all-day! Echo I did sit at the Dining Room table today to keep an eye out. How did Morgan Freeman say:

“Prison life consists of routine, and then more routine. Every so often, (Will) would show up with fresh bruises. The (people) kept at him – sometimes he was able to fight ’em off, sometimes not. And that’s how it went for (Will) – that was his routine.”
The Shawshank Redemption

Done “Forty-One” years. Braxton’s death? Not man enough for M? “Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked.” R&R Braxton and Virgil

1683 Days Without B III, Day 1124 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Willn’t No Rest for the Wicked.” R&R Braxton and Virgil

Journey 069 ~Braxton, Braxton Everywhere, And…~

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I did a lot of cleaning up after B when he was young (Emergence) and when he got old (Extinction). Existence was a gas. Now I have his brother V. The last thing my boys wanted was a b*tch. Just their b*tch ass Dad. “Braxton, Braxton Everywhere, And…”

Monday, September 8, 2025

Journey 069 ~Braxton, Braxton Everywhere, And…~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Or at least I think so. Do you remember that time I tried drinking hot chocolate and burned myself?

Humans are strange. All yesterday evening, (sigh) E-Day, you were drinking something that was burning you. Only you didn’t stop until half the bottle was gone. And now your head, stomach, and everything else hurt. Can’t we stay in bed just like yesterday and “Make the World Go Away?” Tears, Terro, and other toxins. I can understand why you would look to drown yourself in anything else. And were any of those tears for me?

Daddy, that’s one screwed up way to look at a silver lining when it comes to E-Day. You cried more for yourself than you did for me. Even M Anime made an appearance. No, not really, but you thought of her while drowning yourself in that red stuff. Seeing colors?

“I Think I Can.” It’s why “The Pillows” look so damn inviting. Language! I know, Dad, I’m sorry. But your head feels like Naota’s from “FLCL” with everything ripping out.

And let’s not talk about your stomach. Instead, let’s talk about Virgil’s and French Fries.

I’m glad you shared with him. You’re keeping up traditions with my little brother, Dad. And speaking of tradition, tradition, tradition! Virgil, salivating over food. Just like old times. I remember sitting in the Den sometimes waiting for you after you got me my fries.

But “You Wanted More” in a “Tonic” sort of way. Mainly, you spent some time drooling over her yesterday afternoon. This is the third week you haven’t spoken to her, after what she did, Daddy.

“There’s nothing hotter than watching someone you love get fucked right in front of you.”
Neil Bimbeau ― The Magic Glasses: The Ultimate Bundle (Forty Book Bundle)

Suicide’s Note By Langston Hughes (1926)
“The calm, Cool face of the river. Asked me for a kiss.”

Dangerous words, Dad. The kind you wouldn’t read to me, when I was with you. Existence is all that matters. You would tell me, “whatever floats your boat and finds your remote.” And now you’re wishing you had M Anime’s life preservers to keep you afloat. So that’s what we’re calling those things now, Dad. Eww! Your new go-to phrase:

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos.

Anyway, what else did I see on E-Day yesterday? “Forty-One?” (Cue Ben-Hur Rowing of the Galley Slaves drumbeat). Emergence, Existence, Extinction, Evolution, Effing. Well, you and Virgil ate plenty, which is one more reason you feel sick. But the thought of leaving the bed or the couch with everything. The Floor is Lava, there’s too much poison outside, sweat, blood, tears. Braxton, Braxton Everywhere, And…

“I knew I loved you when I couldn’t hate you.”
Unknown

“I hope, I pray, if the just gods still have any power, wrecked on the rocks mid-sea you’ll drink your bowl of pain to the dregs, crying out the name of Dido over and over”.
― Virgil, The Aeneid

1681 Days Without B III, Day 1122 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son