Tag: Mind

Journey 006 ~Pancakes To B Feared~

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Last week, I wanted a burger. Today, I want pancakes. Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom can cook. I microwave. But I’ve been so afraid I can barely eat, and V? Like father, like son. B, my little Pancake, is brave. Pancakes to B Feared

Monday, July 7, 2025

Journey 006 ~Pancakes To B Feared~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… What? Huh? Pancakes? Who said somethin’ bout pancakes, b*tch. You cookin’? Pancakes? Yes, I know, Dad. “Language, young man!”

Young? Daddy, I was fifteen. And I’m sorry I couldn’t give you twenty. “Look, you wake up one day, and your legs, they just give.” Oh, I’m Michael De Santa now? You know me, Dad. Food. Forgetful? Not even with my age. And FEAR! The three pillars of your life…

At least these days. And I’m proud that you decided to read about food this morning… Pancakes, to be specific. Do you really need to read more about fallen fur children? I’m your child, your son, the same as my little brother Virgil. Think of me sitting in your lap right now as you stroke my head, and you tell me about my nickname. Pancake.

That was always one of my favorites. And yours, too.

Comedy comes in threes. When I was a puppy, you took me walking for the first time, and you said I was getting stronger. I was strong enough to jump on the bed and eat a plateful of waffles. The sausage? I swear, Daddy, the thing you humans eat sometimes. But the next morning, you had pancakes, and you placed them high so I couldn’t reach. And Grandma said, “You must love pancakes.” And then you’d tell me, “I love you like pancakes, but…” Then would come some WARNING. “Son, FEAR is the heart of love.” Dad, when we would watch The Walking Dead, you would say this. You remember:

“When you were, uh, pouring the Bisquick, were you trying to make pancakes?”
Abraham Ford

You said I couldn’t be more your son if you had made me yourself, Daddy.

Uh, what you showed me and V’s potential stepmom, M Anime, from Sunday. Um Eww.

You know, I walked up and down those stairs. And so does Virgil. Anyway, the third reason I got my name is because I would sit on your head, and you knew it was morning. I would curl up into your lap, and you would say I was just one warm pancake. Safe and Happy.

It looks like I’m still doing my job. I know you feel far from Safe and Happy. Daddy, you’re never happy. And yesterday was very hard for you. Talk about FEAR. You had to watch Freddy Krueger to calm down. My Daddy’s “Sicker, Faster, Bigger, Badder.” Virgil knows. M Anime. Me. Pancakes To B Feared

“Higher Further Faster”
Captain Marvel

“Call up your courage again. Dismiss your grief and fear. A joy it will be one day, perhaps, to remember even this.”
― The Aeneid

1618 Days Without B III, Day 1059 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 001 ~Heavy “B’s Music, Virgil~

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“Takin’ care of business and working overtime, workout.” This food mayn’t be so heavy in my hand, trying to feed Virgil. My heart wouldn’t be heavy mourning his big brother Virgil. My bank account would be fatter. No. “Heavy “B’s Music, Virgil.”

Wednesday, July 2, 2025

Journey 001 ~Heavy “B’s Music, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… In essence, I’m too stupid to leave and too stuck to move. Nope! I haven’t read “Beautiful Creatures.”

Why? Am I too lazy, Inspector Echo? Well, seeing as how I asked AI what to call this new year.

But things are getting heavy. Not “Heavy D & The Boyz” heavy. Was their music heavy at all? My playlist is heavier with Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom M Anime.

“Waiting for Tonight,” M Anime sings to me by way of JLO. She’s waiting for her PTO, Inspector. But what about me? I’m waiting to fatten my boy up. My firstborn son, Braxton, weighed practically nothing when he started “The Long Walk” to his water bowl, the car, and finally along The Rainbow Bridge. And I won’t let Virgil follow his big brother, Inspector. “Heavy In Your Arms,” you ask. Well, I’m hand-feeding Virgil Vivi.

“For no particular reason, I just kept on going.”
Tom Hanks as Forrest Gump (1994)

I want his belly full and his head and heart not so heavy. But even if he gets up to follow me, where am I leading us? The first day of a new Journey. “Put One Foot in Front of the Other,” as Fred Astaire says. I have no choice in the matter, do I? I’ve got half a piece of chicken left along with half a biscuit. How did things get this bad, Inspector? How about I ask myself how I’m going to fix it, especially if M Anime and I are sharing nightmares.

Inspector, I swear that woman has my fingers light as a feather and my “Enormous Pen*s” stiff as a board or an iron rod. Iron Will, but going nowhere. SIGH.

I’m no knight in shining armor. “I ain’t much on Casanova. Me and Romeo ain’t never been friends,” either. But I have an angel coming down to me. And if M Anime becomes the stepmom to my boys, look at the stone around my castle? Ahem! I mean my Olds castle. I don’t own this castle. And I have no gold or jewels to speak of. Heaven help me if she goes Beyonce, put a ring on it. Heaven, “Dear Heaven,” Braxton’s weight is crushing.

I was barely keeping him up but with everything, Norton Antivirus, nothing in my accounts, and my negativity towards my “Lazy Ass,” thanks Brooms. I did my workouts in Pokémon gyms. Carry my cross, listening to Heavy “B’s Music, Virgil.

1613 Days Without B III, Day 1054 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 364 ~I’ll B Back, Dad~

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All I wanted was a burger. It wasn’t like I could eat it. My stomach was doing flip-flops because I was so scared. Scared of what? A T-1000 is coming for me and Virgil. I haven’t felt safe about technology lately. If B III were here. I’ll B Back, Dad

Monday, June 30, 2025

Meditation 364 ~I’ll B Back, Dad~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… It’s not like I ever left you… Ok, alright, the food here is fantastic, so let me indulge some.

It’s not McDonald’s fries, which is why I’m here a day early. And the bad place you have to go to when you wake up. But I get to see it, ok, because I will be with you always, Dad.

“The Force will be with you, always.”
A New Hope

Star Wars? Jedi? You and I were always more like Sith Lords when it came to those movies. But as I sat beside Virgil this Sunday afternoon, he was so scared. And you were, too, Daddy. I mean, as frightened as I usually was when you took me for car rides. The benefits of being dead. I know that’s not funny. Do you want to call me a Force Ghost? Do you know what I really felt like? It was more Terminator 2: Judgment Day.

A T-800, Model 101, was sent to protect you. And yes, I know a machine reference is the last thing you want to hear; between Norton Antivirus and your nerves, you would always tell me I’m getting on. Only now, it isn’t me. It’s every noise from the glow boxes.

And the numbers. You keep telling my little brother, 2-V, that soon you’ll have nothing.

You want peace. And you have love, always for me. But Virgil, too. And how about my Favorite Girl? And now you have a girl of your own, Dad. V and I’s potential stepmom, M Anime. For her, you need wisdom and power. But right now, Dad, you need courage.

Do you remember my courage? I took “The Long Walk.”

Yes, I was scared, and I know you’re scared too. But I want you to remember who we are, Dad. I want you to remember the Dad you were whenever somebody tried messing with us. The Dad you were when the assistant store manager tried to insult my memory, Dad.

Be the man who found a way for me and my Favorite Girl to get along. You remember she and I didn’t always. But like father, like son. I liked comfy spots. She had yabbos.

Speaking of those, have the courage to make it until you can finally meet M Anime. Who knows… You’ll have the courage to love… She, my little brother, and some two-legged siblings that I’ll watch over. I’ll B Back, Dad.

“He’d never love anything more than getting obliterated.”
― Seven Days in June, Tia Williams

“Through chances various, through all vicissitudes, we make our way…”
From ― Virgil, The Aeneid

1611 Days Without B III, Day 1052 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 359 ~B’s Are Helpful, Virgil~

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I can’t say I’m another worker bee in the hive. Despite working on a book, taking care of Braxton’s little brother, Virgil, or basically getting out of bed. But there’s a beautiful girl; I want to honor B. If I keep buzzing… “B’s Are Helpful, Virgil”

Wednesday, June 25, 2025

Meditation 359 ~B’s Are Helpful, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… But is it helpful to be reminded of that today and every Sunday? The things I should do…

I should call Norton for one. I should be protecting myself. There are other jobs, Inspector. But instead, I’ll pop some painkillers. I could go all Lester Burman and say, “I was whacking off! That’s right, I was choking the bishop, chafing the carrot, you know, saying ‘hi’ to my monster!” to some American Beauty. Choking the chicken to a Puerto Rican goddess. That would be Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. As long as Puerto Rico is still part of the U.S.A. Eff MAGA and FDT! I could also take a nap, Inspector Echo. However, the fact is that none of this would be helpful. I mourn Braxton.

Hell! I was editing Braxton’s book today, but how does that help? Bleeding, broken, broke.

I can read all about how if the bees go extinct, humanity is done. But what can I do, Echo?

I could have made B’s in school rather than D’s and F’s. Would my “life” be any better, Inspector? Could I have saved my Braxton? Or provide a better life for Little Virgil lying here. And what about any two-legged children that came along? Again, I think about M Anime. A woman who wants me, and I can’t even stand myself. My head hurts, Echo.

Braxton always had a way to make things better. At least less scary, Dear Inspector.

Didn’t I say FEAR is helpful? Currently, it’s overwhelming unless it’s going to take me to my boy. Death doesn’t scare me. But creating life.

M Anime called me a Demiurge yesterday. I always pictured myself more of a Necromancer type. But the knowledge that makes me feel good is a rarity. These days, most of what I know scares me. And then with the unknown, bullies, bills, bucks. But then there’s Boobs/yabbos, beauty, and always bed. These B’s are everywhere. Just like my boys

But then again, there’s no B in HELP, FEAR, or EXISTENCE because I failed, Inspector.

Life is “Bloodsport,” Inspector. But I’m not buff. “Where Is My Mind?” My brain. And again, the greatest B of them all. My son, my Braxton. This isn’t helpful, Inspector.

Breathing and buzzing. Yet hoping to sting M Anime her first time. Um, you know, me. B’s Are Helpful, Virgil.

1606 Days Without B III, Day 1047 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 357 ~Braxton’s Card, Papers, Deportation…~

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Who am I? Me or my father. I feel older with all of my FEARS, the fight to get out of bed. Have I found my boys a stepmom? I’ve seen photos of my future. Things that have frightened me. But finding peace. Not with Braxton’s Card, Papers, Deportation…

Monday, June 23, 2025

Meditation 357 ~Braxton’s Card, Papers, Deportation…~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… When people asked how old I was, it was because they wanted me to make cute little puppies like me. When I had cataracts…

Maybe or maybe not. You humans and your words. Not that it mattered much, Daddy.

You would always read to me anyway. Age-appropriate things you said. Bro, and yes, I just say ‘bro,’ Dad. I was older way before I turned 15. Way before I went away. But my father?

If that were the case, then who are you talking to right now? You’re old enough to consume alcohol. But you don’t usually. Old enough to be worried about credit and criminal activity; thanks, Norton. (Gives them one of my looks). You’re old enough to feel like you’re going Crazy. Yeah, if you’re going Crazy, it’s over me and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime, in an Aerosmith kind of way. Give me some credit, Daddy.

She finds good music, and so do I. And if it ain’t credit, it’s your paper books, bucks, and bunches of papers that you bring in from outside that scare you. Even more than the paper in my potty spot in my room. You would say the same bad S-word about that. Don’t worry, I won’t say it. You have been saying a lot of bad words for both of us. Right? Even my “future” stepmom said something like that. It’s why she wants to come and see you, Dad.

“Friend. Lover. Victor. Enemy. Fiancee. Target. Mutt. Neighbor. Hunter. Tribute. Ally. I’ll add it to the list of words I use to try to figure you out. The problem is, I can’t tell what’s real anymore and what’s made up.”
Peeta ― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

I know there are things you and she can do together that can’t match. Eww! And even V is whining about it, too. But when she’s no longer on paper. When she’s with you, Dad?

“Your love is king
Crown you in my heart.”
Sade

“You are a king.”
Elijah to Clarence, from the movie The Book of Clarence (2023)

“You’re a good man with a good heart. And it’s hard for a good man to be king.”
Black Panther

You dream of “Dear Heaven.” Is there a heaven? And is anybody there? Yes, Dad, I’m here, and I know who and what I am. You would answer, my everything. I’m your Elijah to your Clarence. Hell! I was your Barabbas sometimes. I’m your “Brother My Brother.” I’m your bodyguard, your ride-or-die, your best friend, your inspiration for two novels, and every blog post since Sunday, January 31, 2021. The day I “left,” I’m your prince, the angel on your shoulder. And always and forever, forever and always. Dad, I am your son, Braxton, B.

So, who are you to think about “Deporting” yourself to Heaven? Hell? I’d follow Daddy.

“Who Are You?” “Who Made Who?” Wisdom, Courage, Power, and Love. Braxton’s Card, Papers, Deportation…

“If you loved someone, you loved him, and when you had nothing else to give, you still gave him love.”
― George Orwell, 1984 (Novel)

“A joy it will be one day, perhaps, to remember even this.”
― Virgil, Aeneid

1604 Days Without B III, Day 1045 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 352 ~Addicts Up, B, V~

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I’ve been addicted to many things in “my” life. My mattress, my mutts (Braxton Barks was purebred). Anyway, there are also melons. But what am I moaning about today? What am I addicted to? FEAR. So my boys rise. Ante Up. “Addicts Up, B, V.”

Wednesday, June 18, 2025

Meditation 352 ~Addicts Up, B, V~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I called my boys “addicts,” as in druggies. If Braxton and Virgil are addicted to anything, it’s life.

Then why did B III have heart medication when he needed something for his kidneys?

Who knew? It took around $500 for the vets to figure that out. And on Sunday, January 31, 2021, my firstborn son was dead. Addicted to the misery, ain’t I, Inspector. And don’t even get me started on the money. My boys are priceless. But yes, I have been worried about money lately. My fault. But I was talking to B and V’s potential stepmom.

We spoke about feelings, and as always, the one that dominates me when I “Step Into A World” is FEAR. Maybe listening to KRS-One will stop me from screaming, Inspector.

My boy, my Braxton, is dead, euthanized. And then there’s Virgil puking up his meds.

What was it I said yesterday? As Blessid Union of Souls put it, “I Believe” love is the answer. My boys, the beauties in my life, and dammit, will I finish a book! I’m sleepy.

Inspector, I miss energy shots, but I’m still reeling from my last binge. I was taking one a day, and do I really need skull-splitting headaches, the soreness in every part of my body, and the sin of wasting time? Hell! The money would have me quit, Cold Turkey. SIGH.

Inspector, again, that has my stomach doing flip-flops. But while I’m FEARFUL of what’s going on inside my body, what about some online shenanigans. M Anime, she’s the potential stepmom, is worried about Google. Then there’s Norton, ISPs, and updates.

I don’t want to be awake to worry about any of this. I love sleep more than I love success, and that’s why I’m here. Sitting in bed naked because the only thing I succeed in is getting an erection. Ew. “Addicted To Love.” If you want to call it that, Inspector Echo. To her?

M Anime. You’re Goddamn Right! But someone said it doesn’t matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home. So while I’m locked in… “Hopelessly Devoted.”

Between thinking of M Anime and Cherry together… Jane from SeeJaneGoTV showcases her incredible melons. And Jahara Jayde cosplaying as Rikku. I’m a “Creep” Inspector.

Addicted to my boys’ lives, life-givers, and would-be Milfs. My life? Addicts Up, B, V.

1599 Days Without B III, Day 1040 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 350 ~B, The Poster Boy~

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Something I miss most about my son, B, is his eyes. When he looked at me, it was like he believed in the man I wanted to be. I see that in his Favorite Girl’s eyes. And now I possibly have a girl, and I see it in her text. But me? “B, The Poster Boy”

Monday, June 16, 2025

Meditation 350 ~B, The Poster Boy~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And you will always be more than “Just A Man.” You will always and forever be my father. Dad?

What? There’s a few things to unpack there, I guess. First, did you think my and Virgil’s potential stepmom, “M Anime, aka Julia 1984,” is the only one that knows good music? I mean, you did make her a playlist called “The Red Sash.” It gives her even more potential.

And yes, Dad, we need to talk about her. You were talking to my Favorite Girl the other day. So why can’t we talk about a girl you like. Daddy, you talking to my stepmom…

Didn’t you say once upon a time that this was my big fear? You and a girl. I know, Dad.

No one will take my place. But what did you say to Virgil on Saturday? My little brother… Love you?

“You taught me using any technique that works, never to limit myself to one style, to keep an open mind.”
― Frank Dux, Bloodsport (1988)

And you and I both know, Dad, that there is more than one way to love. We were brothers-in-arms. I was a prince to a king. A son to a father. “I’m your back, you’re mine.” I considered our life together to be Heaven… Yes, not always, but I served in Heaven so you could reign in what you considered Hell. “I have served. I will be of service.” Movies?

Daddy, you don’t think I remember all those movie nights with you and my Favorite Girl, yes, my favorite. “My job, my score, get your own!” Movies, Manuscripts, and all that Movement when you would watch any of the glow boxes. We are best friends, we do everything together. But when you look at yourself…

Sometimes, my Dad. And others more like my Big Brother. And you hate him. Always.

That’s why I’m not playing O’Brien to your Winston. Let M Anime be your Julia.

Seriously, Daddy, Ew! But I am happy for you. But this is what you need to understand, my father. You have let others plaster you all over, and you feel that’s what you are, Dad.

“Big Brother is watching you.”
From George Orwell ― 1984

And the image of you as I shut my eyes is what you are. “No Fate But What We Make. Dad, we are both men and artists. One a little furrier, that’s all. And if you want to paint the picture or as you sing “Everyday I Write The Book,” Remember, I see you, I love… B, The Poster Boy

“All he wanted was to get home quickly and then sit down and be quiet”
From George Orwell ― 1984

“Here is the toil of that house, and the inextricable wandering”
― from The Aeneid

1597 Days Without B III, Day 1038 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 345 ~Don’t B Wasteful Virgil~

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Would I rather have… *Olivier Martinez Impression* 100 MILLION DOLLARS! Or my Braxton alive and well. Virgil’s happiness. And all the promises of their stepmom? How about Jane? What about all the time I’ve wasted in life back? Don’t B Wasteful Virgil

Wednesday, June 11, 2025

Meditation 345 ~Don’t B Wasteful Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Since the critic wants me to be clearer. In English… I ended Braxton, joined MAGA, and wasted time.

Well, not so much the joining MAGA bit. But we’ll get to that Inspector. It’s still effed up that every time I FEAR everything is breaking away, I have to ask, where is my son.

Braxton’s on the Rainbow Bridge, paradise, a box on the nightstand, and some of his ashes are in an urn pendant. I hope some of him is left in his bed. Have we discovered cloning?

No! Because I’m wasting time, and that leads me to MAGA. Do you remember when Elon Musk, the DOGE effers, and the MAGA asshats were asking for workers to share five accomplishments for the week? I’m not a government employee. Though I identify as a Sith. And, at times, share the Empire’s ideals. Dark Side.

But this isn’t Star Wars; this is real life. My life at forty, and what am I doing, my Inspector?

  1. Mourned my Braxton’s passing.
  2. Seen to Virgil’s needs
  3. Texted B, V’s Stepmom
  4. Blogged and “written” daily
  5. Read two harem novels

When you look at it, it doesn’t sound so bad. Side Note: “I fixed” the laptop’s audio, or so I hope. Anyway, what makes me a horrible human being is that none of the things on this list made me a dime. And that’s what I need more than anything. Not love, lust, a life.

“For The Love Of Money.” Excuse me, Inspector, I got a bit distracted by Jane from “See Jane Go TV. Talk about cannons, melons, yabbos…

And don’t I have my own woman for that? Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. See, that’s the other thing that makes me a “Bad Man.” Geez, Inspector, I’m not R. Kelly evil! And nowhere near Trump! And as always, “FDT.” What’s evil, Inspector?

Honestly, what’s done in the love of others is not a waste of time. It depends in a way, hm.

I love my furry boys. Virgil? Again, I consider him Braxton’s Bro. Virgil keeps breathing.

And M Anime? As The Spinners sang “Could It Be I’m Falling In Love.” No moment with her is ever wasted. You ask me, “Could You Be Loved.” By my boys, my Boricua (M Anime), and my books for some bucks. Don’t B Wasteful Virgil

1592 Days Without B III, Day 1033 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 343 ~Anatomy 101 By Braxton~

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Last night, as I held 2-V, I pointed to his little heart free of worms. V’s guts. I gave him his meds, and he spilled some of those on the bed. Balls? The docs took them before we met. Braxton had balls. B was badass. But me? “Anatomy 101 By Braxton”

Monday, June 9, 2025

Meditation 343 ~Anatomy 101 By Braxton~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… As obvious as “Head, Shoulders, Knees, And Toes.” Or as you were with Virgil HEART, Guts And… oh, right.

I was never anyone’s father. I’m your son always and forever, forever and always, Dad.

And Virgil is my little brother and your son. Remember? Now that you’re sure I haven’t reincarnated. Not as another four-legged ball of fluff, anyway. Which is why I’m here.

“Can you hear? Can you read? Are you receiving the signal? Do you copy me? No, Dad, I don’t sound like Theresa Walker. And I’m not Dead Air. Well, not quite. Kidney failure, and the whole Euthanasia thing. (Bristles). Yeah, I don’t like that word either. But I need you to hear me on this. I know you’re afraid. FEAR feels like it’s taken the very HEART of you, my father. Or it’s broken, there’s no room, it’s given away.

But my HEART didn’t take me, and do you know why? Because I gave it to you. I wasn’t afraid when death smiled at me. For the briefest of seconds, when I couldn’t see you.

“I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me”
The Return of the King

Daddy, I smiled right back at death. I bared my fangs, and I asked, “What took you so long?” Do you know the guts that took? This leads us to our subsequent realization, my father.

Do you have it? GUTS! You and Virgil both. Daddy, you are the bravest man I know. You and I together could face anything. We were not afraid. I’d offer mine, but the fire pretty much took care of that. Okay, that wasn’t funny. My death, MAGA, FDT, Republicans, etc.

At least you’re not crying.

Because you have balls? And Virgil won’t be regrowing his. But you can help him.

Purpose. It is not your purpose to be scared of the backyard fence, the bad place you would go for hours leaving me alone, the beeps and boobs of several glow boxes, those bad words you would say that I didn’t understand. MAGA, Norton, Money, there were so many things. But you would call my name, and everything vanished. Courage.

Honestly, Dad, it was far more than that. “FEAR is the HEART of love.” What I ask is, “Be Not So Fearful. For M Anime, me and Virgil’s potential stepmom, she’ll follow you. “I Will Follow You Into The Dark.” Family. Your woman, more siblings. Dad! Anatomy 101 By Braxton.

“A man trusts the counsel of his best friend.”
Vector

“Ah, merciless Love, is there any length to which you cannot force the human heart to go?”
― The Aeneid

1590 Days Without B III, Day 1031 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 338 ~Virgil’s Manifestations On B’s~

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I had the best son ever in B, and then… A heart murmur? Is he blind? He’s getting old. Have you thought about Euthanasia? I said he’d see 20. Nope. I have known a woman for decades, and she’s I’m “All Yours.” I wonder. Virgil’s Manifestations On B’s.

Wednesday, June 4, 2025

Meditation 338 ~Virgil’s Manifestations On B’s~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… I haven’t done anything to protect the bees. How long would humanity last without them? Are we screwed?

As per usual, I’m only thinking about one “B” in particular, my firstborn, my Braxton.

Well, that would be three B’s, Braxton Barks Bradford, a.k.a. B III. Even before his kidney failure diagnosis, I thought about what LIFE would be without him. And I was perfectly prepared to drag him to twenty and beyond. Sunday, January 31, 2021. He’d be twenty now, but he didn’t see his sixteenth birthday, which would have been February 13th.

Inspector, I was preparing for the worse way back then like some effing death curse.

Virgil? How do you think my second-born got his name? The one who guided Dante through Hell. I should have posted above the door after Virgil was rescued and adopted.

“Abandon Hope All Ye Who Enter Here”
― Divine Comedy

What’s LIFE brought to him?

The Secret? Rhonda Byrne wrote about manifesting dreams or something. It’s been years since I read that book. And since I can manifest a nightmare, what about my dream lover.

“I’m staring at a goddess. She’s telling me she wants me. I’m not going to waste one more minute wondering how I’ve gotten this lucky. She smells like angels ought to smell, the perfect woman… the Goddess. Goldie. She says her name is Goldie.”
Marv

Or M Anime. Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom. A Boricua Queen. It took me forty years, Inspector, and what can I tell her? I’ve been “Waiting for a Girl Like You.” Every time I think I’ve driven her away, she comes back. The things she says. I swear to God!

And Inspector, I’ll never be a religious man. But I’m going right to Hell for my B III’s loss. And for the LIFE me and M Anime might have together. Those we could create, hmm.

But Braxton went to the “Rainbow Bridge.” M’s an angel.

So, if I can be blessed to have two such lives. A furry little boy I sent to Heaven. And a woman who is saying, “Fly Me To The Moon,” “Take my body to the moon, watch me glow up,” Take me “To the stars.” I must think very highly of her ha-ha. Black hair, brown eyes (I think), and an incredible body. “But I’m love-stoned, and I could swear that she knows, I think that she knows.” Seriously, Inspector, how many songs was that? The things the two of us send each other. Pictures sans clothing, (pumping) tunes, pornography…

“Make this night what it should be.
Please? Show me the stars.”
Our Mrs. Reynolds

“Perfect.” So why can’t I manifest such things for the rest of my LIFE? Short answer: I don’t remember how. What? Virgil’s Manifestations On B’s.

1585 Days Without B III, Day 1026 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will