Tag: Silence

Saga 187 ~It’ll B Embarrassing, Virgil~

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Humiliation Galore and Shame. One means going to the Day Job or anywhere, sigh. Shame is what I do here. But one makes me want to die, the other, well… not so much. But either way, whatever I do, my poor little guys. It’ll B Embarrassing, Virgil

Wednesday, January 4, 2023

Saga 187 ~It’ll B Embarrassing, Virgil~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and they’re prone to Humiliations Galore. But at the moment, that ain’t me. Only it’s coming.

I bet by the time you read this; I’ll have plenty. I mean Humiliations and not dollars, considering it’s Sunday, January 1, 2023. Time-Travel? So what does that mean? I’m sitting here, lamenting the week that has yet to unleash its true horror. Dammit, Inspector. I have far too much on my plate at the moment to begin imagining my fucking Day Job today. I might be getting back into the motivational genre, considering my watchlist. That doesn’t mean, “Don’t Worry Be Happy.” Or “Three Little Birds” has made it Inspector, playlist-wise. DON’T WORRY should have made it into the New Year’s Resolutions. What do you think, Echo? Sadly, I think way too much. And again, that will be plenty embarrassing, B III, 2V. These poor boys of mine, Echo.

But what about today? I’m not embarrassed, but these actions are either shameful or weird. And for the record, shame and Humiliations Galore are different. Shame is, let’s say, most of the porn I watch. Humiliations Galore is what I showed Braxton’s Aunt. Um, whew! The shame is to spend cash I don’t have on things unrelated to Yabbos. Humiliations Galore is begging to see said Yabbos. I’ve only wished M Anime and Cherry Happy New Year. Ulterior motives are humiliating; the Day Job shows me that more on any given day. Once again, today, and I mean Sunday. It’s shameful not to feel any gratitude, Inspector. To know that in a particular time, I can fuck up and then… I don’t know or care.

Whatever, I’ll waste money on streaming channels, books, and sex toys. And speaking of books, what am I reading? Cherry’s published novel is out this New Year’s Day. Inspector, the things that I will do; whenever a pretty girl is involved. Testament of men. Inspector, it’s far worse when it comes to one of my boys as I think about all that has happened. We started this on New Year’s Day. And now it’s Tuesday, January 3, 2023, huh? But the fact is, I got up at all today and went into the Day Job, and for what? To provide. Only I neither did that nor kept my resolution; I’ve failed Braxton. For the other. Inspector Echo, to exist with me. It’ll B Embarrassing, Virgil.

703 Days Without B III, Day 144 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 181 ~The Stranger’s Virgil, B~

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Being a billionaire, as I claim most days, I’d build my own world in the house. Going to space involves too many people to deal with. But now I still have a stranger/fur baby in this house. So many strangers this week. “The Stranger’s Virgil, B”

Thursday, December 29, 2022

Saga 181 ~The Stranger’s Virgil, B~

697 Days Without B III, Day 138 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Are you still here? I only ever asked that once. The Saturday before you left.

I haven’t cried for you yet today. It’s still a little early. Though I did cry when the alarm went off. And currently, I’m watching “Waking Up at 4:00 AM Every Day Will Change Your Life…” You know me, B. That’s After watching some porn in the bathroom. V is sleeping now. The thing is, I would have no problem sending him back… to your room, B. There are plenty of days that I want to go all Whisperer and say, “You are where you don’t belong.” How many times have I said it, Braxton? It’s been 138 days, Braxton. Don’t they say it takes 90 for a fur baby to acclimate? With you, I’m not sure, but you were a puppy. A Jedi. Fearless

But that hasn’t been me these past few days. If Virgil ain’t you, then is he me? Sometime this week, I said I was Virgil. Hell! I’m scared to death of everything and everyone, B III. One more reason to cry. Between three different humiliations at the auto shop. Day Job. Oh yeah, Triple B, the Humiliations Galore continue there. And those are nonstop B III. There was my first UBER ride, which was a new experience. Excuse me, four humiliations. The ride back to the house. Although you were never one for driving around town. Inevitable the shame that will be coming to me soon. I have to go to the post office. And should I get the car rechecked? More like my brain

Then again, I had you for that. Only now, B, I can talk to you “Anytime.” You’re everywhere, yet I want you right back here next to me. I don’t mean to be a dick, but I don’t want this usurper lying here. I should have thought of that Saturday, August 13, 2022, right B? Only I thought I saw you. Somehow, someway, I was listening to you. Promise Braxton. He remains a stranger to me, even after all this time. And I’m still being a meanie. Do you think? For example, yesterday I went to that hot dog shop. A pepper dog, onion rings. I didn’t feel like sharing with Virgil. After a late lunch, Virgil and I didn’t speak. The Stranger’s Virgil, B.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 180 ~Urge To B Virgil~

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Urge to write? It’s more like fear because today is going to be damn hard. And I could go all Marvin Gaye “When I get that feeling….” But the only thing I want to do now is puke and go to bed. The urge to live the boys did/do. “Urge To B Virgil”

Wednesday, December 28, 2022

Saga 180 ~Urge To B Virgil~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. That means I’m not WOKE… I cry a lot, and I spend others’ money. I’m Virgil.

Inspector, I wonder if Virgil wants to be Virgil this second, which saddens me. Besides Braxton being gone and all. Of everything, I can say about my son. Survival? Braxton’s last look. I go back and forth with it, but today I’ll say B III wanted to live Echo. Ironic that I am the same way. But we’ll get to that. You know I’m one for physical pain over any mental anguish. Take today, for example, Tuesday, December 27, 2022. I’ve wanted to puke most of the day because I am so humiliated about the car. Hell! I barely made it to the auto shop before the wheel gave out. And now, today/tomorrow, you know what I’m going to do. Day Job’s Humiliations Galore incoming.

Because the urge to live… Not want or need but the notion. And you know it’s one I should ignore. I didn’t Monday. And today, as the world crumbled, I had to get pretty STUPID. More like perverted? Because I don’t want to think with a big head. Bigger head? Inspector Echo, was that a dick joke? I wish I were only making jokes about it but this fucked up day. Well, this whole fucked up year. I’m going broke. But no, not my cock. And an urge to release. Obsession is more like it. I should find out when I stopped before, but that was before Braxton died, and afterward, it was like 161 days. 559 days later, I had to cover up again.

Only Virgil sleeps in B’s Room plenty. Today it was all about survival, then masturbation. I haven’t even cum in a few days, but I only want to sleep. I don’t mean taking some naps. As I said, I was surviving today. More like I didn’t want the humiliation of dying on the road. I swear, Inspector Echo if Virgil weren’t here right now… But he is so Doordash, anyone? I can’t have Virgil Vivi starving, so I ordered a bag of food for him. Myself? I seemed to have lost my appetite. An urge to, well… should I say it? Inspector, you’ll see this tomorrow, so don’t you fret. Unless I get lucky, the alarms fail. Then curse the day. Urge To B Virgil

696 Days Without B III, Day 137 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 174 ~They’ll B Presents, Virgil~

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I’ll have to head to the grocery store because my favorite Chinese place closed down, and it was the only place open on Christmas. But still, B and I would have a pancake breakfast. And he got a present though he’s gone. They’ll B Presents, Virgil

Thursday, December 22, 2022

Saga 174 ~They’ll B Presents, Virgil~

690 Days Without B III, Day 131 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Yesterday I had to apologize to Virgil for asking you. As for my days, Braxton…

Well, I hate to lie? I didn’t lie to you “In The End,” which is why you ain’t here, Braxton. You never asked for a gift, but if I could get you anything… I’d never mention you leaving me ever again? Like I said, B, I don’t like to lie. Another reason masturbation sucks TMI. It leaves my mind way too clear when I’m not thinking about brunette bazongas. Bucks! All I want for Christmas, Braxton, besides my best friend back. You didn’t show up for the last one, B III. Do I need to cry now? Well, the answer is yes. “Love And Happiness?” No, that would be me being selfish? But Virgil could use some comfort and joy, a dog toy? Uh, money…

And you don’t know how hard it is not to look. A distraction to not talk to you today, B. I’m trying to figure out how many fries I can buy with the slave wage from the Day Job this week. You would figure as long as we’re together, Braxton. But fast food doesn’t hurt? That’s what I was talking to Inspector E about yesterday. Being present and, um, present. Virgil is upstairs because I couldn’t stand being in bed a moment longer… That’s funny. Anyway, I need to go to the store and get laundry detergent. Oh yeah, sustenance… Breakfast is one of our Christmas traditions, isn’t it B? Did I do it last year? This is the second Christmas without you, my friend.

Hell! I even bought you a present last year; I know that. One more thing to add to the list. I’d tell you how much money I had to spend but if M Anime keeps up with our chats… Yeah, I know you had your heart set on your Aunt Carolina. I ask that you go and check up on her and say hi to the fur babies she has also lost. Don’t give her man any static, please. I’m sure there’s plenty of room on her bazongas. I promise not to purchase bazongas. How many promises have I broken this week? Have you kept Virgil Vivi company, B? Pancake? Yes, there will be pancakes or maybe waffles on Christmas? Gifts? They’ll B Presents, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 173 ~ Braxton’s Orders, Virgil’s Order~

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Your wish is my command… especially when pretty girls and my son are involved. But these people giving me orders nowadays. Or the stuff I’m ordering from Amazon. And I’ve taken a look around this place lately. “Braxton’s Orders, Virgil’s Order.”

Wednesday, December 21, 2022

Saga 173 ~ Braxton’s Orders, Virgil’s Order~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And nobody orders billionaires to save the world. No! Rely on the charity of the poor.

Well, aren’t I in the Christmas spirit? There’s only one “spirit” I’m concerned with, as always. And that’s my son’s. Braxton shows up at the weirdest times and places, Echo. Die Hard isn’t a Christmas movie? And neither is Terminator 2: Judgment Day. But Inspector, here we are, with me thinking of one line in particular. From John to machine. “I order you not to go. I order you not to go! I ORDER YOU NOT TO GO!” These words. I never spoke them to Braxton but unlike anyone in my existence. My Braxton understood. He would have fought forever and a day if I hadn’t done what I did. That’s love Echo, I know. All the rules I made for him but to obey…

A man chooses, a slave obeys, as Andrew Ryan said. What did that make Braxton? To this day, he is the best “man” I have ever known. And now I look at Virgil Vivi, Inspector. Again, I can’t say I’ve done any training with V. And does he listen to me at all? He stops when I tell him to… for the most part. What does he know about the world, Echo? He was a year and nine months when I met him. Braxton didn’t have any fears. But Virgil, my… no. He’s not my second-born. Hell! It was only this afternoon Inspector. Yes, I forgot his name. Yes, I suffered “Humiliations Galore” and the Day Job. And I fucked up my streak, Leana Lovings.

Yeah, the only time I give any orders or feel any order in this existence is in the bedroom Echo. But it just goes to show hard today has been. Inspector, I always imagine worse. Which, of course, leads me back to my son and the other one living here now. I didn’t even bother to order nacho fries for him. Too concerned with my belly and pleasures always. “‘Order is heaven’s first law.” And even now, with the holiday season, do you see this place as Heaven? I can’t order myself to be happy. And if only B were here. I could be better? Inspector, is that what Braxton was saying, don’t go with him. Die. This Christmas… give orders. Braxton’s Orders, Virgil’s Order

689 Days Without B III, Day 130 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 167 ~Virgil, B Not Proud~

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I on what my grandma said about “my pride.” What do I know about that? If anything, I am proud of my son. Eff my pride to keep him safe… What’s ironic is losing pride in existence, about everything, Day Job, etc. Got him killed. “Virgil, B Not Proud”

Thursday, December 15, 2022

Saga 167 ~Virgil, B Not Proud~

683 Days Without B III, Day 124 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? With how I feel right now… And on the understanding “He Lives In You.” You

Well, I feel like shit. And so I’m sorry, B. Yesterday and today haven’t been my proudest moments. As if I have many of those to talk about. I did finish reading another book, B. That’s if you need me to be proud of something. Today though, I’m pretty disgusted. Here I am, gorging on tacos, and I don’t do soft tacos well. You’d usually cuddle me, B III, especially if I were only sick of the Day Job and my Humiliations Galore in that place. As if you need to be reminded of my hate for the place that garnered my indifference towards you. Besides my cowardice and lack of balls. I’d spilled them over… not Reagan Kathryn, Cherry, or Mandy Rose… Jennifer Lawrence

A solid week down the drain and probably TMI for you, Triple B. You remember getting all X-rated with your toys and over your Aunt’s Boobs. Our conversation before, Braxton. I’m sure Virgil wishes I would get his name right. Or maybe he doesn’t even care anymore. As I was leaving today, there was no barking or crying. He went face-first into your food dish. While I was sharing nacho fries with him, he nearly took some fingers. I should be training him. But, of course, he’s hiding out in your room. There’s no gate and no lock. Virgil’s free to come out and play, but he doesn’t. I can’t blame him. And yeah, I’m not going there to get him, either. Just In Case

What! I want to jerk off again… I swear, sometimes I “prayed” you’d do something so that I could lock you in your room for a while. B, when you look at me now from wherever… You’re in a book that I’m doing absolutely nothing with. I meant to take a nap this afternoon, but there was a fear I had to contend with. Oh, there were more books to buy B. All the money in the world for titles, titties, and Times Like These makes me disgusting. Only you never looked at me like that, B III. And 2V doesn’t look at me at all. Not really. Then again, he’s not my son, and I for sure ain’t his Dad. But am I trying, Braxton? Virgil, B Not Proud

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 166 ~We B Ballin Virgil~

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Neither Virgil nor I am having a ball. He’s hiding in B’s Room, and I’m under the covers. I’m trying to forget my cowardice because of someone at the Day Job. But I found my balls when it comes to MandySacs or OnlyFans. “We B Ballin Virgil”

Wednesday, December 14, 2022

Saga 166 ~We B Ballin Virgil~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But the last thing I would ever build is a basketball court. Wrestling ring, porn studio…

Every day we’ll get there, ok. But first, Echo, I must apologize to my son. I am sorry, B III. I am sorry I did not see to your needs. That I killed you. And I’m never who you think. Oh, to be a man of courage, Inspector. No heart. A soul I’d sell gladly. And like V, no balls. Debatable right? Well, with everything that happened at the Day Job, I don’t think so. But let’s see. First, I didn’t keep my mouth shut and joined in the conversation with these two bastards. Then I let this bitch invade my personal space, which would have been enough but oh no. I let her put words in my mouth and then laugh at me. Fuck!

Don’t I sound like some dickhead Incel? Inspector, if anything, I want to see myself as sympathetic. Inspector, one of the conversations I joined. It was about offensive nail polish names. When I came back to the house, I started reading up on what happened to Mandy Rose in NXT. While I’m a Roxanne Perez fan… as I said, we’ll get there. I was sad when I read what happened to Mandy. I’m pretty tempted to join her MandySacs FanTime. Speaking of the “promise” of titties, what about OnlyFans? If you’re wondering why we’re talking so late. This one woman offered to sext and send ten videos and pics, Echo. I was so fucking ready. Oh, look who found balls because they are turning blue.

7 days Inspector E; a week, and I’ve survived. Will I make it the rest of the day? Do you think? I’m an addict. Not as bad as Lazlow from GTA V, but let’s say it’s more than a hobby. And speaking of addiction, what about a daily energy drink? Well, that’s most people, but I’m staying up half the night and in the morning… Again we’re talking now, Inspector. With all of this, what about Virgil? Well, he’s in Braxton’s Room for a reason. Braxton’s Aunt got a JSS tattoo, “Just Survive Somehow.” Me? I’m all Fear The Walking Dead JIC “Just In Case.” Yeah, I found my balls because I can’t in this game called life. Neither can Virgil. We B Ballin Virgil

682 Days Without B III, Day 123 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 160 ~ Virgil’s Fights To B~

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I’m not the fighter I once was. I’m sort of Tris lazy (Succubus Lord). And I’m not giving Virgil anymore of Braxton’s things. The blue dog plushie might freak him out. You can’t teach anyone to be happy, but for the wars to come… Virgil’s Fights To B

Thursday, December 8, 2022

Saga 160 ~ Virgil’s Fights To B~

676 Days Without B III, Day 117 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Not if you’re looking down at your old Dad. Or up… I’m going to Hell.

Not saying I expect to see you there. And look at me; there I go crying again. Or is it that; I’m playing “Don’t Look Down” as I speak to you today? Time-Travel. Again, B III, how is my day going? Aw Hell! This whole damn week. Endure and Survive as always. What about fight? You know what I rather do. But you see, there’s 2V for sure. One more sign that he ain’t you is that I had to move the pillow beside me today. I remember how you sat under the table in perfect peace. That is unless someone was dumb enough to come knocking at the door. One of our many fights. But you were protecting me always. “Danger is very real.”

Virgil Vivi, on the other hand. Um, that’s one way he and I are alike. A need to find balls. I’m afraid it’s much too late for him. And you gave me fifteen years to find my courage, Triple B. To Live Brave. But then I look at these little scuffles I’ve been winning lately. Yeah, I nearly cleaned out all my emails about this, that, or the other. I’m keeping up with my reading because what’s so hard about some girl getting banged on Christmas. I haven’t been taking noon naps, but my dreams have been all sorts of weird. When I’m awake, there’s revulsion, rage, and realization. The comedian may be dead, but I am a coward. Sorry, my son. I’m always sorry.

One more thing I can chalk up to you. I don’t know how to be without you after 676 days. And I don’t know how to give Virgil Vivi courage I don’t have, and he hasn’t found in 117 days. What Would Braxton Do? What would you do? I saw this video saying, “bite first.” Unless I’m holding a French Fry, Virgil doesn’t. Now, what’s my excuse if not cowardice? Exhaustion? I did say I’m not taking naps. But anger in itself is a tiring enterprise. But fear? The things that keep us going. So what should I teach Virgil? We don’t do happiness. Never did in this household. But I hope you were happy somehow, someway. “Only I got enemies.” Virgil’s Fights To B

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 159 ~Matches Via B, V~

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Woke up on the wrong side of the bed today? I wish I knew what’s the right side. The fact that I have to get up signals the onset of a battle. I look in the mirror, a solution knowing I’ll find a problem. B saw that too. “Matches Via B, V.”

Wednesday, December 7, 2022

Saga 159 ~Matches Via B, V~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or I would be if I had the strength to get out there and fight Inspector.

No! I have a hard enough time fighting not to cry reading Braxton’s death certificate. Today’s first loss, but I did get Virgil out of the center of the bed. I was plenty nice Echo. There’s the fight about whether to stay outside with Virgil Vivi while he does his business. Inspector sigh I came into the house yelling out to Braxton about his medication. Finally, I bring Virgil inside because he can’t use the stairs. I called him Braxton. Yes, I apologized before I carried him back to Braxton’s Room. Braxton would stay downstairs, yeah. B III was a matchmaker. Whether that be him jonesing for a fight. The two of us, against the world. Braxton wants his Aunt to stay. Boobs vs. Food…

But today, I woke up wanting to fight. My fight will come later this week with the fucking Day Job. Last night I dreamt about that Will Smith movie Hitch. I hate that movie. Echo, aren’t there many other battles to worry about, like Warnock vs. Walker. Warnock! To be clear, I look at the date. December 7th, Pearl Harbor. Talk about a battle, the beginnings of a damn war. But who am I to talk about history? And if you’ve been paying attention Inspector. Oh, like I have? I’m much too busy not keeping my dick in my pants. Should I read the next chapter of a Christmas Erotica, play some insipid game on the phone, or jerk off? Losing the battle to live.

And as I have said time and time again. These battles, my greatest sins, have cost me. B III died in my rage at everything. My Indifference! I forgot what I was fighting for. Braxton. Hell, Love! In that, I had won and only wanted more. This, of course, brings me back to Hitch. Much love to Will Smith but that film… Fuck! Not that I disagree with Hitch. Yes, Inspector, I know Albert got the girl by inevitably failing and/or ignoring the advice. Anyway, between words and Braxton’s cute face, I won his Aunt before meeting her IRL. Then there’s M Anime, who I’ve known for years. Before Braxton? Spent an hour texting her. Like/Lust/Love and War! Fighting Myself Lately. Matches Via B, V

675 Days Without B III, Day 116 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 153 ~To B Enraged Virgil~

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RAGE is one giant drill digging. I know I’m going to Hell. Braxton’s death was a nuke leaving a crater. Yet I keep digging, but I can’t get lower than that. Anger, Rage, and Hatred rest in the 5th Circle, B is my 9th Circle sin. “To B Enraged Virgil”

Thursday, December 1, 2022

Saga 153 ~To B Enraged Virgil~

669 Days Without B III, Day 110 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Considering we’re talking now? I’ll give you three guesses about how my day is going.

If I had tried talking to you that Wednesday… Hell! Anytime earlier than our final week. Braxton, I’m not going to get over it, over you. I can’t hate myself more. But I do try B. For example, a few minutes ago. It’s 4:30 in the evening, and I went downstairs to call for you once again. MEDICINE TIME! Only you’re not here. And when I forget to do this, B? RAGE! Not at you but at myself. And then throw in the fact V is lying right here, B III? Another reason I know he’s not you. Braxton, you were too much like me. Hey Jealousy? Virgil isn’t. I bet he’s wondering why I went stomping out of bed a minute ago. I’m not sleeping, but I’m not mad.

Again at you. Now the Day Job. FUCKING DAY JOB! Pardon my language. Another 5-hour shot, so I’ll be awake at least till 7:20 tonight. Becoming the “Village Idiot” Braxton. Where do I even begin? So I’m waiting for the morning Huddle to start. These have steadily worsened over the past two weeks, but today… Well, one of the bosses talked about me smiling. I’m a fucking joke there with a fucking grin. B, how we would talk. Anyway, it could have been a crack about the dog tag I always wear with our picture on it. I’m smiling, then. Or is it I’m so fucking weak in that place? I grabbed onto it, asking for your strength and forgiveness. Hell! Your Rage, B III.

I remember you being angry at the whole world, and I know why. You weren’t mad at your Ma; I mean. “Mother is God in the eyes of a child.” You love your Aunt Carolina. Braxton, your Aunt, is good to both of us. But who I’m surrounded by always… Braxton, part of it, I’ll say, is jealousy. I’ve seen a lot of success these days from others. There’s the fact that I haven’t started my Christmas reading. Crying over another dog, B. NaNoWriMo is over, and I didn’t write one single word for it. Published anything? Nope. I’m wasting money. That chicken sandwich today. Oh, I’m going Karen if I’m not lazy. But hating myself for killing you; that’s enough. To B Enraged Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad