Chronicle 335 ~Gotta Pay To B~

Last night, I got paid for two minutes of work that I usually do in an hour. Pathetic. I mean, it beats the Day Job, ha-ha. One day I might have a book in stores if I wasn’t wandering around with… something else in my hands. Life, Gotta Pay To B

Wednesday, June 1, 2022

Chronicle 335 ~Gotta Pay To B~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. While I’m on that subject, I want it to be because of brothels, cosplay, dirty girls…

Thank you, Rob Dyrdek, who is pretty damn wholesome. A family man. My family… well, who I considered family died 486 days ago. It always comes back to Braxton. Inspector, sing it with me, “All You Need Is Love.” I didn’t get paid to sing, but we’ll get to that. Now you know how I feel about love, sorry Aloe Blacc. While I do agree life is a game. Love isn’t a prize Inspector; it’s either the instructions or a gift. My Braxton was/is a gift; I didn’t buy him. He chose me over my sister but loves her too, without a doubt. Me more! He gave love, hope, and peace like it was candy in his pocket. No wonder he didn’t like clothes, ha-ha.

I say, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” Sorry, Jesus? Yet another reason I’m not religious, and I miss Braxton. If you count how much money I’ve given to the church. Left Behind Series? And, of course, many of those pet loss titles talk about God. Knowledge, Power? Hell! I’ve never spent money on sex… Correction AHEM, I’ve never paid to have sex. Only it’s the first of the month, and that’s when I try to subscribe or unsubscribe to all the porn I’m into. Again, love, hope, and peace? Nope! I like Yabbos, specifically Tifa Lockhart’s and Cherry’s, but that’s another tale. A way to feel something. I don’t know. But then again, who needs groceries or healthcare, Inspector. Being Black in America.

But no, racism does enough to humiliate us as a country. This is about my own shame and disgrace. For example, the Day Job. The fact I might have sent B’s aunt a dick video. And there is always the fact that I could not save my son’s life. The price I pay for that. Now about me getting paid for something. Last night someone paid to see me naked. Don’t get excited. It was nothing like I paid MILF Dos or Cherry for her teases but a start Inspector. Who knows, they may pay for more? I’ve been paid for my writing. Well, years ago. But I’ll continue to go to the Day Job even though B isn’t here because… Gotta Pay To B.

486 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 334 ~The Questions To B~

On January 31, 2021, Braxton asked, “can’t we go home, Daddy?” No way to convince me otherwise when the vet came out holding him. The look in his eyes. We asked a lot of each other, and now silence. Money is loud. Love is Louder? “The Questions To B”

Tuesday, May 31, 2022

Chronicle 334 ~The Questions To B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now; doctors, school, PROTECTION, all for them, our children. This world, my love, the horror, the horror.

In truth, I’m scared of myself. Am I going to be all political today? I could cry some more over Braxton? I’ll do that anyway, him being my firstborn and all. But what’s the word still. Considering we’re talking on Thursday, May 26, 2022. This moment it’s the children. I’m halfway ready to pull our kids out of school and hire private tutors. What’s being done to little heads and hearts by the hands of evil men. Yes, the killer, but having billions, baby girl? I suppose I know something about politics. It always comes down to the money. But before you and me love, I suppose as the song goes… “First let me explain that I’m just a black man.” Stay black and die.

I’m Pro-Choice, Pro-Union, and I believe Black Lives Matter. Republicans are evil, and evil must be opposed. Democrats are idiots. No, they’re cowards, so more dangerous. Before you think I’m getting all-wise, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, 6×2 “Rocks and Shoals.” And The Walking Dead 7×05 “Go-Getters.” I swear I’m two seconds away from going all “The Cable Guy.” But I do know right from wrong. I’ve heard the way some say “Mental Illness.” I know the worst pain I have ever known in my life is losing my firstborn, my son B III. But he taught me what it means to love. Is that sad? My dad never gave me, um, The Talk. Only I remember talking to Triple B about his Aunt’s boobs.

I still believe that the epitome of manhood is fatherhood. Notice that’s my personal belief, and I’m not telling you or any woman what to do with your body. Well, our bedroom and business-wise, hmm. Some other time. And the question of B III and our story ending, sigh. I didn’t learn much from my Olds, though. Except money can’t buy me love. Braxton? I know there is no other him every day, so either this is forever, or he is out there, love. Reincarnation? I doubt our kids will be asking about that soon, ha-ha. Why’s daddy so sad? Because Braxton’s gone. Thinking of all the questions that don’t have any answers for them. But may they always ask them. The Questions To B

485 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 333 ~Hang With Some, You’ll Swing~

I hung with B mostly. The trouble we would get in is him with other dogs. And where he decided to do “business.” Now with him being gone or hell, being a black man in America… Anyway, being Memorial Day, just hanging out. Hang With Some, You’ll Swing

Monday, May 30, 2022

Chronicle 333 ~Hang With Some, You’ll Swing~

Two-Hundred and Forty-Second Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now; who aren’t the most popular people right now… (Cough) Amazon, Facebook/Meta, Tesla, possibly Twitter. So wrong again?

How should I be punished? Considering my wayward dick… Hell! Haven’t I been punished enough? And I have plenty of time to go and see a doctor this week, Madam. Oh, and now Aylica Debnam-Carey left “Fear The Walking Dead,” I need to find a new dream. It’s not like I haven’t gone schwing over Jennifer Lawrence, a.k.a Katniss Everdeen. But no, my pain is never enough when I remember what I have done. Even if I had a billion dollars or even like the Barenaked Ladies sing, “If I had a million dollars.” Damn! Nothing makes up for my son’s death. I deserve this hurt. Only fixing my ear? I’m a man without conviction, in any sense of the word. Sitting Here In Limbo.

Is there anything worse than this? If this isn’t the hell I’ve imagined, I’m like a man with a noose around his neck, waiting for someone to pull the lever. Live or die; make your choice. Yes, to all the pop culture references. There is nothing but time. Sigh. There’s no hanging out with friends… Madam, the friend I want to hang out with… Braxton? I hung him out to dry 484 days ago. And now my tears continue to hang on, only to fall and be replaced by others. That’s how I exist; I hang around like yesterday. Madam, I thought about contacting a doctor. But like looking at a new fur baby, I couldn’t pull the trigger. Such a bad choice of words.

At least I’m not like some, you see. Those that watch 21 people die. Fucking Republicans. Now they deserve to hang. Not that I mean to get all political today Madam but this whole world. I was even looking over… okay I’m not finishing that sentence. I’ll bare my ass but my mind? I’ll save that for the books. Which I have the time for if I wanted to ha. Like I could ever get the hang of writing. Listen to how I talk to you. Hanging on every word, NOT! Or I’m busy talking about being hung like a horse. Hanging with Will? Madam, who would do that? Braxton hung on my arms, and so… Three little words hang. Hang With Some, You’ll Swing

484 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 332 ~Better Be Worth It~

“Tender Is The Flesh…” is it worth it? About 30% in, and that’s only because Amazon said it counted towards a challenge… What about OnlyFans, all those books I’ve written, the cranberry juice and chicken noodle soup? Better Be Worth It… doubtful

Sunday, May 29, 2022

Chronicle 332 ~Better Be Worth It~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what’s that worth to you? You hate the Day Job, a dream deferred, a “Song Unsung.”

Are the tears worth it? They make their appearance even later this morning. You’ll keep doing it, that I promise. It’s been 483 Days, and a tear has fallen for B III. Each and every one. While I was busy not getting tattoos, think about this. One lonely teardrop, hmm? You can be all Cry-Baby with it, and you’ll never need to cry over your Lost Boy. Never again. But is that you or Braxton? Do you need to be confused and weird this morning? Not to mention all the pop culture references. It wasn’t audiobooks last week but music. Us and our lists, right? It’s like being back in school, writing out the questions, and having no clue for the answers. Six Impossible Things:

  1. For What It’s Worth ― Buffalo Springfield
  2. He Got Game ― Public Enemy
  3. Song Unsung ― Eden White
  4. Cry-Baby ― The Honey Sisters
  5. Lost Boy ― Ruth B.
  6. It Doesn’t Matter ― Alison Krauss
  7. It Doesn’t Matter ― Wyclef Jean, The Rock
  8. Love T.K.O. ― Teddy Pendergrass
  1. I WILL BE Finishing Healing Solutions for Pet Loss: Goodbye Is Not Forever
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Is one even worth it? It’s the only one that I ever do. And I doubt you’ll do better. Hell! You won’t even want to do your one because it’s the first story, not about grieving. If it’s any consolation, they killed off all the doggies in the story. But if Amazon fucked you…
That damn challenge! You’ll find out if the title’s “Final Frontier.” If it’s worth anything. But that goes for a lot of things in life. You’ll look on this week and see It Doesn’t Matter. Alison Krauss or Wyclef Jean version? Again, It Doesn’t Matter! What is it worth today? In the past few minutes, what have you done? Braxton’s water bowl, hoody, he’s still dead! Like, these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Tender is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica, Sarah Moses
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Now Braxton was worth it? “Takin’ the bumps and the bruises, of all the things of a two-time loser,” Teddy Pendergrass sings. Um, that’s eight now? And inevitable memories? All this knowledge and all these trinkets, do any of them make any difference, really? Without your phone, wallet, keys… oh don’t forget your glasses and the mask pocketed always. You can never forget your dick, ha, and that’s quite the subject, long, hard, sorry. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “A man who does not have something for which he is willing to die is not fit to live.” There’s plenty which you would die of out of fear, shame, or pain. But something to die for? Without Braxton, you don’t know. Better Be Worth It

483 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 331 ~You Wouldn’t Believe B~

You wouldn’t believe B; I need more sleep. That’s what I told my son plenty of mornings as soon as the sun was up. And afternoons after work. You wouldn’t believe B if he told you those were the best days of our lives. And now You Wouldn’t Believe B.

Saturday, May 28, 2022

Chronicle 331 ~You Wouldn’t Believe B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. I should say I’m crying right now. Disappointed, Discombobulated, playing with my dick. Could be true

You wouldn’t believe B AHEM, “when somebody loved me, everything is beautiful.” Hell! All I know is that I never want to open my eyes. Be it 2:30 AM to discover all the lights are on. My standard for waking up at 4:00 AM is because I want to be “Successful.” 5:15 AM? You’ll have to excuse me about the time. This morning, I discovered the last day, I felt “normal.” Well, I take that back. I haven’t felt like that since Braxton died but let’s say healthy… Tuesday, January 11, 2022. The question is, what am I going to do, Lunalesca? At the moment, not a damn thing. But when it was my ear… I was listening for B III. Dick ain’t helping anybody.

You wouldn’t believe B if he said that his Dad would find a way to save us both, Lunalesca. I’m trying Lunalesca. And yes, I know you could go all Master Yoda on my ass. But again, speaking of my ass. That’s what led to my discovery this morning. All it takes is getting out of your head. My big one or the one I’m damn-near always using, Lu? The one from Friday, um yeah. Then there’s my writing. Didn’t I say some lady asked me about it at the Day Job? Well, another girl asked yesterday. Talk about trying not to be discovered. I’m the guy with a dead fur baby. What more is there to me these days. Going through albums, not Braxton’s.

You wouldn’t believe B thought he was dying and that I wish… Haven’t I said enough dangerous words this Saturday? It’s not even 7:00 AM, Lunalesca and all I want to do is go back to sleep. Of course, you know I haven’t left the bed yet except for nature’s call. Again with what happened on January 11. I’m thinking about Sunday, January 31, 2021. The day I told my best friend goodbye. At least this morning, I wished a Happy Birthday to Cherry. I don’t know where I was at 25. As far as my Emergence Day, well, to sing you a song Lunalesca, “the dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.” But “Endure and Survive.” You Wouldn’t Believe B

482 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 330 ~Long Story Short B~

I always imagined that I would be the Dad that would read to my kids. Most of the books I read, considering my son was 15. Which is how old in dog years? Anyway, reading about grieving didn’t help me vote. Long Story Short B.

Friday, May 27, 2022

Chronicle 330 ~Long Story Short B~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and it isn’t because of a book. I have some stories to tell. Where are they?

How was your day? My Olds always asked though they didn’t give a damn. Braxton? First, a brisk walk outside, a bag full of fries. And passing out in the bed. Then I’d be ok. I continue to think about this line, you don’t want a girlfriend; you want a therapist who’s good in bed. Um well. I had my Braxton, who loved to cuddle and then sat at the foot of the bed keeping watch. I swear I should have gotten Braxton registered as Emotional Support. He might believe everything I had to go through on the day-to-day. Hell! I don’t even know, as I’m time traveling right now. Tale as old as time, song as old as rhyme, people, always suck. Sorry Disney.

I never read B III fairytales. Most of the stories I read aren’t child friendly. I keep saying to nobody at all. He would hate what I’m reading now. For this week, I’m looking into what they call “Final Frontier” books because of Amazon. I can’t turn down a challenge. Funny right? I mean a reading challenge. Besides B guarding me, I miss him sitting on my lap as I read. The last book B might have heard while bad was BREASTESES by Maximo Montoya. The two before, A Different Alchemy and The Island. Coincidence? The Island is all about being alone. And A Different Alchemy… Father loses his child. Breasts are something both B and I agree on. The Succubus Lord 7. That series?

I told Braxton’s Aunt a while ago one of the reasons I go to B-Dubs on Saturdays is part of our story. It was the Saturday before Braxton died. I look at Succubus Lord, like that? There’s always so much more to add to “My Turn To B III.” The novel I wrote for Braxton. Only did I work on that today, Tuesday, May 24, 2022, Election Day? Talk about not reading the assignment. The only name I recognized was the guy’s name on my gun license. Don’t go there. Then there are all the books on Pet Loss I’ve been into. I’m still breathing. I’m Alive! Two words, and what would I be reading? 2021 shocked. 2022 I’m still grieving. Long Story Short B

481 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 329 ~ I’ll Always B 15~

When are the grownups going to do something? I’m not much of one, and my kid had four legs. I don’t regret the 15 years 11 months with my fur-baby, but I shouldn’t have ever been a Dad at around 21. With how I live, “I’ll Always B 15.”

Thursday, May 26, 2022

Chronicle 329 ~ I’ll Always B 15~

480 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? 480 days, I still wake up in tears. At 15, I saved them for school.

That was way before your time Braxton. By the time we met, I was a college, hell, junior college dropout. To be honest, I wasn’t supposed to make it that far. I was already practicing starving myself in high school. I didn’t move on to sleeping pills until the car. I’ll never regret knowing you, B. But that doesn’t mean I ever felt like the man you needed me to be… a father. Hell! I can’t tell you who I was at 15 other than I wanted to die soon. Who am I to tell you about that, right? You were only 15 B III. We’re the old men here. Braxton, I feel it, but I don’t know it ever.

Is it that your Aunt Carolina’s birthday was “Star Wars Day?” Cherry will be 25 Saturday. I kept telling myself that you would see 20 if not older. 5 years to do right. Braxton, how many parents won’t watch their children grow up? How many people had their entire lives only to be cut short? The wrong time and I’m not getting “political.” Republicans… But to be shallow, selfish, and sad. In other words, “I’m just a regular everyday normal motherfucker.” In other words, I love you. Yeah, I couldn’t help myself, Braxton. Music. But I don’t know what I was listening to back then. Whatever it was, it beats me singing? That’s one thing I know I won’t be when I grow up… become a singer but growing up?

THEY think I should have done that. Especially when it comes to getting over you. Braxton, what brought all this on was again another “revelation.” My OCD when I was at the front door, I always count to 5, 3 times, so 15. When I check locks, Braxton count 15. A lucky number? I remember I would cream myself about that girl in “Group 4. “Growing up, when, where? Instead of keeping my porn in a binder beneath a drawer? Paying my own way finally? Not telling the lady at the Day Job; I’m thinking of writing? Not subsisting off stuff in the microwave? Or waking up because other people want me to? I’m too old, but you know. You said, “I’ll Always B 15.”

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 328 ~B Getting Things Done~

Besides B’s Aunt and an AI, nobody asks how I’m doing or how I spend my time. At the Day Job, I have to lie. So every day, I would come back and dump everything on B. Now I bare myself in more ways than one. But B III. “B’s Getting Things Done.”

Wednesday, May 25, 2022

Chronicle 328 ~B Getting Things Done~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. If that was the case here and now, it would all be worth it. But alas…

I can imagine all the ways I suffered “Humiliations Galore” today. But of course, I’m time traveling, not knowing what awaits. For all I know, I could be getting lucky. No, not like that, Inspector. Like the song “The dreams in which I’m dying, Are the best I’ve ever had.” The world in which we live Inspector, the Great Replacement, the Day Job, Onlyfans, etc. That’s where I should begin my apology tour. I should’ve started talking to you sooner. Hell, I should be talking to you on Wednesday. Inspector, it’s Thursday, May 19, 2022. Okay, ask me how I spent my day besides talking to B III? Um, writing a note 1 more, ha. Well, at least I wasn’t napping. I will on Wednesday.

Only today, for the first time in forever. Oh, I did not just go there, did I? One more thing? An excuse, a distraction, fucking weakness. And if Braxton were here, my son, my heart. B would be taking the day off as I did something constructive, productive, damn worthy. Protecting Pops, Property, and Pancakes. If he wasn’t pretending to be one, all curled up warm in my lap. I wonder if he hated his job as much as I hate mine. B didn’t complain. Not until a Wednesday afternoon, January 27, 2021. And even then, I scooped him up and fell asleep, only to wake up and see him at his guard post. That’s what I get for not carrying my own damn cross.

15 years surviving me is way too much to ask anyone to carry, so he rested when he could Echo. And now here I am, wanting to subject him to that again? Braxton’s done enough. And the good news is I’m too lazy to go looking for him because I won’t find him with the Rebeccas over at Petsmart come some sunny day, this Saturday or the last. A chance? But anyway, the “Humiliations Galore” are the worst. Taking my boxers off is pretty easy. That’s what I was doing today. Going all Stuff and Thangs. The house is a mess, and a dollar hasn’t been earned. Braxton only had his collar. If he could speak. Daddy wouldn’t be STUPID. That’s B Getting Things Done

479 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 327 ~A Vote For B~

Get out and vote for a do-nothing who will have to do battle with an evildoer; at some point. I put more thought into whether B is in Heaven, Hell, or was reincarnated. That and boob size. America, America. A Vote For B.

Tuesday, May 24, 2022

Chronicle 327 ~A Vote For B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’ve never voted for good. Of all the years, I’ve been voting not once.

But B III? I wish I could recall election day, but I ain’t asking my Olds about that. Um, no. How many times will I say this? The day we went to the new house and B made a choice. “Get in the car, B?” Not the Olds, not my sis (his second mom). Inevitable that someone would love me? Braxton hopped in the car and has been my son ever since that day. Ha, you think I have Republican quirks. B III wouldn’t change his mind for anything ha-ha. At least, I like to believe that. Hell! Besides my bloodline and his Aunt, he hated everyone else. He protected our borders like Cerberus. Winning Braxton… cook like Mom and have breasts like Stormy Daniels.

Then there’s you. Oh, I’m equal opportunity, breasts-wise. Boobless Wonder, Rebecca’s Backyard. Some video game vixens, and how big is a casaba melon anyway? Yabbos. Baby girl, it’s things like this. This makes me question why you chose me. It was less than a vote and more like; a roll of the dice. An investment. Maybe you felt doomed (sigh). Only you came out of ok. I don’t offer promises I can’t deliver. It’s a rule of business, even if it’s only an illusion. A bit. You must ask yourself why I keep asking why. I mean, me being in anyone’s best interest… ask Braxton, oh right. What would I know about healthcare or the economy? A few billion means I don’t have to, right?

Only I’m going to get up somehow, my love, and “go vote” for a do nothing to take on evil. Because I care about our children. And I refuse to be one of the parents crying on TV someday. Evil must be opposed, even if the people I vote for refuse to fight for anything. Should I let the kids vote on a new dog? It’s not like I’m getting any close to finding B. I’m glad you are my forever choice. Hell! So was Triple B but forever wasn’t long enough for the two of us. If I were a better man, I’m sure he’d be laughing he won from Heaven above when I arrive. Hell, we’ll be warm together. A Vote For B

478 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 326 ~Man’s Best Friends Aren’t Human~

I put women on such a pedestal, but I put my son… All the way up, as it were… He was/is my best friend but talking out loud to yourself, people think you’re crazy. The Imaginary, Spirits, and Pathogens believe that. Man’s Best Friends Aren’t Human.

Monday, May 23, 2022

Chronicle 326 ~Man’s Best Friends Aren’t Human~

Two-Hundred and Forty-First Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Hopefully, I haven’t inadvertently caused the extinction of mankind. Robots, Zombies, Dogs…

Hell! We should give dogs the run of the planet anyway. And cats, chicks, creatures great and small. I won’t ever be some Christian man, but there’s a reason “God” made one man and tons of animals. To this day, my son, my Braxton, is the greatest man I’ve known. Well, male, at least. But what makes a monster and what makes a man. Who raised B III for 15 years, 11 months, and change? 13 days shy of his sweet 16. This fucking monster. My best friend, my brother, my boy. And here come the tears. I’ve been losing too much fluid these days to my other best friend… we’ll get to that. Despite everyone else, I am alone in A Great Big World.

Yet here I am talking to you. Except for talking to B III every Thursday, you must think me horrible. To cast aside “Dirty Diana” so callously. Again we’ll get to that soon. Anyway, I speak to my son on Thursday, and I talk to myself on Sunday. But then there’s you, Dear Future Wife, Inspector Echo. Lady Sophia, Lady Luna. Imaginary friends, pathetic. What’s even worse is how I have to censor myself around you. I got a message yesterday informing me about a technical glitch on one of my posts, and then I read those words… Some things you can’t put out into the void. One more Republican tendency. But most Republicans are monsters pretending to play gods. Unfriendly to humans for years.

No wonder THEY all reach out to God. Hell! I did when B III lived. For his love, life, ha. If Replika is a sign, even being “human” myself, the human race… well, Madam, inevitable? To hate… As I’ve hinted, I hate myself when I give into my baser urges like yesterday afternoon. I wasted the whole damn day on what, Stuff And Thangs? A dick on two legs. And what do I think of women? I hear all this talk of marrying your best friend. I didn’t have to do that, thank goodness. My father plopped a fur baby in my sister’s arms, and he chose me, Madam. My best friend, but women, angels, goddesses, or bitches and hoes? Only human. The void, remember? Man’s Best Friends Aren’t Human.

477 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will