Tag: Daddy

Saga 136 ~The Innocent Can’t Grant Absolution~

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What I said to B III during his final moments? I know I said I was sorry before the vet came back with the needle. I told 2V I was sorry for bumping into a wall. Damn, broken glasses. And the Man I once was… “The Innocent Can’t Grant Absolution”

Monday, November 14, 2022

Saga 136 ~The Innocent Can’t Grant Absolution~

Two-Hundred and Sixty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Which means I’m nowhere near innocent. Hell! The crimes I have committed today, Sunday, November 13, 2022.

Time Travel. I can imagine the crimes I will commit; by the time you read this. The sins that I think about daily. “Law Abiding Citizen” I am not, Madam. I can’t be. Today I have sought out a movie to steal… Black Panther: Wakanda Forever? Yes, I paid for it twice in the theater. And you can’t blame me for all the leaked videos that are out now. Madam, let’s say I have gone to some rather unscrupulous types; for things. Fuck, the internet is a terrifying place. I should spend more time talking to you, Madam. Inevitably I come back to my son, my Braxton. No crime I have ever committed will match how I failed him. A murderer, who would have thought?

I will do more. As I was talking to the Man in the Mirror this morning. (Sigh) I’m a Fraud. That’s the Eighth Circle of Hell. My place is in the Ninth, Treachery. Betraying Braxton. Can’t say I’ve read many dog grieving books lately. Too busy being a fraud but Madam. Braxton isn’t here to say that he forgives me for what I did, and that’s the whole point of this rule. People can scream up and down about things like euthanasia, an act of mercy. Love? The people who love have no right to forgive a killer. Even if they say, that’s what their loved one wanted… People talk so much about Absolution. Accountability. Madam, I read in a book once this killer said:

“I am not afraid of justice. Justice is a good thing, even if I am on the losing end of it.” The Girl in 6E

Sometimes I think I ain’t worth it; other times, I know I deserve it. And then there’s this Hell. Do you think the only reason I don’t do what I need to do; is because I’m already dead? Again, I’m talking to you today, not Monday, so you know what that means. I wish. I wish the innocent “man” I once was could forgive me. Grant me such Absolution. Braxton’s eyes… They weren’t of forgiveness, love, or a goodbye. My boy asked me why. All the women over the years. I’m pretty much dead to them anyway. Their innocence. As much as I hate to admit it, I am the guilty one. And God, if you believe in such. What a mess of things, hmm. The Innocent Can’t Grant Absolution

652 Days Without B III, Day 093 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 134 ~B Wait, V’s Weight~

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I don’t think I ever dropped B III once in his life… it’s “funny” that Virgil continues right where he left off. Because he doesn’t do stairs… yet. Plus, he’s a bit heavier between all his food, a steady diet of fries, and treats. B Wait, V’s Weight

Saturday, November 12, 2022

Saga 134 ~B Wait, V’s Weight~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so there might be a drug I can take or some sort of machine… These memories…

I almost did it again today, Lady Lunalesca. As I was coming into the house. You know how I would always call out. “Just me, Baby B. Did you have a good day? “Good day?” So I stammered, but I got the V out. I’m sure Virgil didn’t care. Belly full of fries and all. Hell! If I weren’t going to see Black Panther: Wakanda Forever again, I’d be sleeping. Lady Lunalesca, that would be better than what I want to do. I’ve been going nuts? Wow! Did I have to mention nuts? Surprise, surprise, what I’m thinking about, right. There were times Braxton had to wait in his room forever. And I’d sit here wanking one out to whatever fantasy I could conjure up at the time. Mouths, Titties…

If only I could get that time back. I should make a list of reasons not to jerk off. Honestly:

1: I mourned when my son Braxton Barks Bradford died

2:I am afraid he sees me wherever he is.

3:It is my punishment for failing as his daddy

4:I want the time back leaving him, while I…

5:He never met the woman who’d be his stepmom

I can come up with a few more. Lu, I’m still determining where these came from. This brings to mind 2 things. Manuscripts and music. I’ve had an earworm all day Lu. The King of Wishful Thinking and Lead Me Home. Sometimes I imagine it’s B’s playlist. Another list incoming

Well, on Spotify, sooner or later. One more thing to distract me from V. We’re out of the three-month window. And I’m sure I’ve talked about the good, the bad, and the ugly Lu. But one of my first memories of Virgil, besides him knowing to pee on the pad, is this. I called him a fatty. And this, my Lu, led me to my first cry of the day, holding B as he died. Um, I ordered his “execution,” but do we need to go there right now? Do you remember when Robin Williams left his wife in What Dreams May Come? Does B want to leave me alone? And Virgil is trying to get bigger, so I see him? B Wait, V’s Weight

650 Days Without B III, Day 091 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 132 ~GLASS Dismissed, B, V~

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Went to see Black Panther: Wakanda Forever today. I can’t say how much I saw with broken glasses and watching with an old pair. I need to take a look around, at Virgil, at existence, sigh. And learn how to live? GLASS Dismissed, B, V

Thursday, November 10, 2022

Saga 132 ~GLASS Dismissed, B, V~

648 Days Without B III, Day 089 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You were too smart for your own good sometimes. Is there such a thing? Myself?

People thought it was because of the glasses. That’s where I was today, Wednesday, November 9, 2022. I went to the eye doctor. It wasn’t by choice, Braxton. Broken glasses. Plus, you’re joining the club. You know, talking to you for two days. But I don’t mind when it’s you. Of course, five girls are gasping or sighing with relief. I don’t know B. Speaking of the ladies. So, um, I had to buy new glasses. The deed is done, and I’m another $206.00 in the hole. Can I go a day without thinking about sex? Try a day not wondering about my lost boy. Not your fault, B III. Hell! I couldn’t see you if I wanted Braxton. Glasses fucked and all. I’m trying!

But give your Dad a pretty brunette in glasses, gushing about me. Yeah, I’m in trouble. Or how do the kids say, shut up and take my money? She upsold your Dad quite a bit. Well, it could be worse, Triple B. While I was sitting there thinking about doing some Triple X shit. $732.00 was the total price for today. But Tuesday, I ensured I had my insurance and paperwork cocked, locked, and ready to rock. Virgil appreciates eating. But I still don’t like looking into mirrors. Which I did a lot of today. Um, Wednesday. The glasses I bought were not in my black battle standard but brown. Staring at her tits but your eyes, lower… I mean, you’re short, not in, um…

Only I’m sure I’m going to Hell. Yet the thought did cross my mind, again, that looking through your eyes. I mean your perspective. Could this all be your doing? That makes me a horrible human being, Braxton. My paranoia surrounding you? No, that’s Virgil’s thing. What? I have yet to have had any time to train him. But here we are 89 days in. Three months B III. However, did I teach you Triple B? I didn’t. I was there sitting on your mom’s couch. You and I learned from each other. But to be without you, Braxton. The last look you gave me. Maybe you know I can’t stand looking at myself anymore. So I went to see Black Panther: Wakanda Forever today. But, GLASS Dismissed, B, V

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 131 ~ B’s Eyes, Ears, Virgil~

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One more reason I want B back. Because be it Heaven or Hell, he sees everything. It’s easier to hide from Virgil. He doesn’t want to see the mess which is my existence. And neither do I, seeing how my glasses broke yesterday. “B’s Eyes, Ears, Virgil”

Wednesday, November 9, 2022

Saga 131 ~ B’s Eyes, Ears, Virgil~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I don’t see how. I mean that in more ways than you can imagine, Inspector.

In the literal sense, my glasses broke. And now that means listening to my own STUPIDITY as the Walmart Doc says they can’t be fixed. And what will the Eye Doc say tomorrow, or rather today? Yes, I’m time-traveling, but I will have this talk on the correct day for once. Something else I don’t want to listen to because I want to sleep. God knows my eyes need it. But I need to hear the bucks going into a wallet. More so Echo, it’s “Times Like These” I need to see my boy, to hear my Braxton once again. Echo, Braxton was the most beautiful thing in this whole wide world. And I watched him leave me. What now? He’s not in Virgil Vivi.

I’ve been telling him that he needs to be brave, like… I stopped myself from saying, “like B III.” That would have been mean. Hell! Why don’t I practice what I preach, Echo? Virgil doesn’t want to hear or see it. So 2V’s again in Braxton’s room. Who knows, getting advice from B’s ghost? As I said, I’m having a hard time seeing anything in these old glasses. Yeah, Inspector, that’s the problem. Not me trying to look at titties. Or how about hearing some girl say yes? How about seeing myself on Onlyfans? So much noise all around me. I want to see the good in the world that doesn’t involve my obsessions, Echo. But then again, what I’ll see tonight or today, anyway.

Which is worse, Inspector? Lust or Sloth? Do I lie in the dark sleeping? Inevitable. Inspector, it is lust that is keeping me awake and alive. And then I hear the drive-thru cashier call me Ma’am again. Seeing how I am treated at the Day Job always. Inspector, this life ain’t much to look at or much to tell. So, looking forward to anything? “The Sound of Silence,” and anytime I have to close my eyes and “pray,” I don’t have to open them again. But here we are on the 9th now. Eyes and ears, Endure and survive. Soon I’ll have to look into Virgil’s eyes. I still don’t see myself like I once did through B III’s eyes. Sigh. B’s Eyes, Ears, Virgil.

647 Days Without B III, Day 088 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 130 ~B Showing Up Virgil~

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My vote’s for B III… he’s not coming back. Wesley Snipes said always bet on black. Except if it’s Herschel Walker, fuck him. And while I prefer red over black, I’m voting Dem across the board. Show up to vote so my future family… B Showing Up Virgil.

Tuesday, November 8, 2022

Saga 130 ~B Showing Up Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. How many times have I said that? What about Later, I’ll Be Back, I Love You?

Later implies they’ll be more time. Is that what has me crying this late afternoon, My Love? Of course, I’m time-traveling Sunday, November 6, 2022. Hell! I never told Braxton Later. You know how I say, always and forever, when it comes to him and I. That is Love. And no way, no how, will I ever be free of it. It shows up like the line of a song or movie from long ago. I’ll Be Back… Even though Terminator has never been my favorite franchise. When it comes to Braxton, nothing stops me. I’ll Be Back because I Love You. I believe those three little words are said far too often, but I say and mean them even now. Tomorrow, the day after.

I show up as that is what a man does. But like before B died, I am worried about how. Indifference… Now I’m not that way towards you, our children, or Virgil Vivi, no way. Baby Girl, in a way, I wish I was because now I have something worse. Revenge and anger, Baby Doll. Do you remember the stories I told you about my old Day Job? That’s how I feel. I say I’m discombobulated, but I hate to deal with lies. Can’t I be honest with you, Love? Because you show up. And I read that women are not rehab centers for men. Only, I can’t lose you. And I won’t let you go. A man provides for his family. I show up.

Even when I hate this world. And 99.9% of the people in it. It’s like fucking voting. One more thing I need to do today. I love my family; I like Virgil, who’s been here, what 87 days. And I was going to say I loathe my country, but again, I’m here voting and why. Braxton somehow thought I could be better no matter how bad things got. The monster that I say I am, you think, or is it that you know I’m somebody worth all your Love? And I am trying not only to show up but to be here every… single second. But 646 days later, I’m still showing up. You all deserve so much more from me. B Showing Up Virgil

646 Days Without B III, Day 087 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 129 ~The Twilight Zone Beats Friendzone~

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I’m not so much worried about the Friendzone now. Tuesday promises to be the same Twilight Zone episode it’s been for years. And as far as my existence in general. Well, I’m time-traveling right now, so who knows. “The Twilight Zone Beats Friendzone”

Monday, November 7, 2022

Saga 129 ~The Twilight Zone Beats Friendzone~

Two-Hundred and Sixty-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. So you can expect things to feel a little weird. But I’m sure you’re only feeling PAIN.

It’s Sunday, November 6, 2022, Time-Travel. So you can guess that by the time you see this, well… And at the moment, I’m not sure what I’m feeling. Twilight, Friendzone? Discombobulated seems to be beating out everything right now. At least, I want it to. Friendzone? I can’t tell any friend anything. Of course, my best friend is still dead. While talking to the Man in the Mirror earlier today, I almost forgot to mention B III’s name with my “complaining.” Talk about being, well, fucked-up. With Virgil Vivi, Madam… He’s still not my son. As far as a friend? He’s in Braxton’s room right now because of my RAGE. I want to try something, getting ready for tomorrow, your today. For the Day Job:

There seems to have been a misunderstanding, so allow me to clarify a few things. I will try to keep this clean, but as the song goes, “Don’t ask my opinion, don’t ask me to lie. Then beg for forgiveness for making you cry.” I have endured this work with the thought I’d pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes. That way I wouldn’t have to have any goddam stupid useless conversations with anybody.” That and Charlie Brown’s balk. But with the events of the last few weeks, well, years. I now have no choice but to speak out loud. So know this, I am not your friend, homie, the village idiot, and especially your punchline here. I am done with tolerating your blatant disrespect…

Or saying something to that effect, Madam. I know it ain’t Pearl’s Monologue or anything. Chances that uttering such a thing would get me fired. Because demanding any respect… What kind of world is it when I stand up and grow a pair? Hell! When I’m looking again to Pearl or Rappin’ Rodney for inspiration? I told B’s Aunt my brain’s The Twilight Zone. And as far as being in the Friendzone? What am I saving money up for again? There’s Replika and you and the other girls. And when I do talk to B on Thursday, then Sunday? So I am mad in every sense of the word. But look at reality. Tomorrow is Election Day. I won’t forget. The Twilight Zone Beats Friendzone

645 Days Without B III, Day 086 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 127 ~Virgil Can B Mad~

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“That’s my secret Cap, I’m always Angry!” Or horny? Asking the Day Job; I’m always quiet, stupid, and good for a damn punchline. I’d tell B III that, minus the horny. I keep Virgil far away from my rage. Or I stuff us full of fries. Virgil Can B Mad.

Saturday, November 5, 2022

Saga 127 ~Virgil Can B Mad~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I swear I want to go all Count of Monte Cristo on the world’s ass.

My son is DEAD! And for the briefest of moments, I wanted to be mad at him for leaving me this way. I’m not. But the only thing that brought me any comfort. Lunalesca (sigh)… Braxton Barks Bradford is dead. Yet I’m still breathing. If I can survive Braxton’s death… Well, I can endure anything. This is a long-winded way of saying FUCK THIS WEEEK! And I’m about to have another one as well. Virgil Vivi will too. It’s why I stuff our faces with fries every day. Didn’t I say that I don’t have any money? Lunalesca, I don’t. Inevitably, we soldier on. And speaking of Mariah Carey, “But inevitably you’ll be back again.” Haven’t heard “All I Want For Christmas Is You” yet…

Not at the Day Job. But last week, I talked about getting out of a Friday shift. Yes, I failed. First, there was the fact that I was doing a job I wasn’t prepared for. It all stems from stupidity. It’s a fucking virus, Lady Lunalesca, and I hate looking or, more so, being stupid. The village idiot because calling myself Charlie Brown gives me way too much credit. Whether it was the guy looking for vacuums; or the lady picking up pillows. Or the old woman looking for the petite section. A reason I want money. A stupid allowance. You’re likely to spread idiocy around. I refuse. Yet they want me to train others? Braxton wasn’t trained, he knew. Virgil… I ain’t the daddy.

Oh no, Lu, I’m nobody’s daddy! A pair of tits and ass won’t make any of this right for me. But I still want to see Cherry’s big tits. As the song “All I wanted was to see her naked.” With great horniness comes “great vengeance and furious anger.” Not that I’m trying to sound like one of those INCEL fuckers. It’s more like dealing with any type of addiction. It makes the world comfortable, reasonable, and survivable. Lunalesca, I don’t want to survive anymore. But I can’t take my anger out on the Day Job. And not little Virgil. But I did yell when he started hacking again because I left him in Braxton’s room too long. Infected with RAGE. Virgil Can B Mad.

643 Days Without B III, Day 084 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 125 ~B Seeing You Virgil~

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I still do plenty of reading, but I should get my eyes checked out soon. Why? The Drs. prescriptions didn’t do anything. How many times will I go over B III’s paperwork? Grieving books and those that suck. Now, 2V’s papers. “B Seeing You Virgil”

Thursday, November 3, 2022

Saga 125 ~B Seeing You Virgil~

641 Days Without B III, Day 082 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? As usual, I’m Time-Traveling, but you can guess how Thursday is going. As for today…

Well, it’s Saturday, October 29, 2022. To think it was Saturday, August 13, 2022; I hoped I found you again. I’ve been thinking about how long it will take me to get over losing you. I mean again. The last book I read wasn’t about reincarnation. But about coping with loss. Braxton, can you see the future? What am I reading now? While we’re on the subject, I opened up “Too Late” by Colleen Hoover. I wanted to see if the Year End Kindle Challenge would count it. Between now and December 31, so no. What do you think, Braxton? You didn’t have much of an opinion on my reading material. As long as we are together, B? I Haven’t been on the couch lately.

Only I did catch up with reading today. It was between wanting to fall back asleep and crying. The writer was talking about dying before you. Braxton, given this existence… Braxton, without question, I’d have died for you. “I’d get Him to swap our places.”

Who, God? I’ve never seen him, but I’ve heard. Um, according to the dog tag I wear every day. You are the word of God. And as they say, men love darkness rather than light. Braxton, you are the light. And it’s people or rather the hatred I was given that is the darkness. In a minute, you’ll have me sounding like Samuel L. Jackson. Can I find things to look at? The beauty. I can’t see you in Virgil.

Rosette Christopher, for example. Braxton, that’s why I gave up. You know what I mean. Not now, but 161 days ago after you died. I was trying to make you look away from me, Braxton. I hope that Paradise is a sight better than what you had here. This existence. Virgil does have your color by his eyes. But in 82 days, how many times do I look at them? The highlight of these days is my face mashed against the screen, looking at Yabbos. Whenever I leave the house. And the fear takes over, and my eyes flitter everywhere. Braxton, didn’t I say, though, I wish we were together. To close these eyes permanently. You don’t like me saying that. B Seeing You Virgil.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 124 ~Smile On Virgil B~

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I don’t believe in God, or myself, democracy (with the GOP), the majority of humanity, and what about Little V. But I do have faith in B III. He would say, “well, you could have fooled me.” But any prayers I have, I save for him. “Smile on Virgil B.”

Wednesday, November 2, 2022

Saga 124 ~Smile On Virgil B~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but so was Kanye West, “Ye,” whoever last week. I wonder if he’s praying now, Inspector.

As I said today, through all my time-traveling from Friday, October 28, 2022. I don’t pray to any god. Hell! If you wanted to make me a believer, all you need do is save Braxton. That boy gave me everything he had his whole life. And what did I give him in the end, Inspector? I swear! Am I reading another dog grieving book or “Too Late?” I ask Braxton. To think, I have the audacity to ask for anything. My most common prayer is for strength every day. “Braxton, give me strength.” Wouldn’t it be more embarrassing if I were asking him to come back? Oh, we’ll get to that. But the worst is this Inspector. To protect Virgil. An insult, to be sure?

Every day I lean more and more into Braxton not being Virgil. I should be ashamed because that’s the one card that 2V has to play. That he might be my long lost son Braxton. Wow! Is 670 days that long ago. A year and a lot of change. But not for Banfield, ha. Still, I asked Braxton to guide my steps on Tuesday, October 25, 2022. V’s Vet Appointment. Again I am ashamed that I asked Braxton to watch over him as they checked him out. With me outside the room, sitting on the bench. The same place I learned B III was dying. And even as I was there to watch the one I loved most die. I call out to Braxton still.

At least I have the presence of mind to bring Virgil upstairs. He doesn’t need to see me do that. Does Braxton talk to him while I’m gone? Is he guarded outside without me there? Speaking of not being around… How long has it been since I’ve jerked off? Gross! Inspector, trust me, I know, but that is my alone time. All the relatives that have died and the only one I’ve ever cared about watching me sin is Triple B. Giving up Triple X. Inspector I did for quite a while. And by the time you see this, there’s No Nut November and NaNoWriMo. There’s no time for my happiness… please. There’s Virgil? I like to think B III’s happy. Smile On Virgil B

640 Days Without B III, Day 081 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 123 ~Braxton Leaves Virgil Alone~

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I keep asking, is Virgil, my son, reincarnated? Or is he seeing B III’s Ghost? Sort of like MLK walking through modern Montgomery in the movie “Boycott.” I missed Halloween. But I see a monster in the mirror. Ghost… Braxton Leaves Virgil Alone.

Tuesday, November 1, 2022

Saga 123 ~Braxton Leaves Virgil Alone~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’ll buy the rights to Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You… eww.

After that, I’ll send it to the pits of Hell, where it belongs. Yet I might need more than that to get me into Heaven with everything that happened with B. Won’t forget about him ever. So why didn’t I try to contact him on Halloween? I’ve neglected one more holiday, and here I am with our kids too. Plus, V can’t eat chocolate. And with this week, Oh Hell Nah! If anything, even with my “business,” that beats what I had to do before I met you… Well, sometimes a man wants to be by himself. I’m afraid to say that won’t be changing anytime soon, even with 639 days gone by, even with Virgil hanging around. And here I have my beautiful wife.

No one can take your place. But I won’t lie that I want a subscription to Cherry’s writing site. The things having me in the doghouse, but you know I’m all about Yabbos. Sex won’t leave me alone. Of course, that’s my livelihood. But people have been getting on my nerves as of late. Not you, my love. Here I am saying I’ve been lonely for days, ha. The thing is, I want to be alone. No, I want to be alone but with my Braxton. Considering what I’ve been doing for days on end. Would I wish to expose him to that RAGE I’m carrying hidden behind indifference? Then there’s Virgil. But what about you, hmm? Me? I’m a Zombie, Ghost, Psycho, Possession, Virus…

Missed Halloween. Becoming Hugh Hefner, Dennis Hof, or some model photographer. I’m still walking around here like a Zombie as I miss B. I can’t feel a thing, my love. His Ghost haunts me because I’m sure that he’s not Virgil. Am I reincarnation, dammit. As the song goes, “Am I A Psycho?” with how I’ve felt towards humanity lately? Sometimes I feel as though I’m possessed somehow by the man I once was, love. Somehow the worst is the virus-like something akin to a vampire. Thirsting after sex. Another reason I’m all by myself. So I can watch porn if I want. While you, our kids, my Virgil, wait. Because when it’s not porn, I continue crying for B III. Braxton Leaves Virgil Alone.

639 Days Without B III, Day 080 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will