Tag: Daddy

Saga 255 ~Desperation Can Make Anyone Dangerous~

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Desperate times, desperate measures? I’m desperate. If I had my way, I’d be with my boy. But I’m desperate enough to keep existing. Working a Day Job, which I hate. Watching dirty things, dealing with my Olds. “Desperation Can Make Anyone Dangerous.”

Monday, March 13, 2023

Saga 255 ~Desperation Can Make Anyone Dangerous~

Two-Hundred and Eighty-Third Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. That means I will never be desperate again. (Snorts Loudly). Have you seen most billionaires these days?

Hell! It’s like me trying to save my B III’s life again. Yes, I’m crying again. And I’m sure a tear or two is about him now… Time Travel, Madam. Those meds for his appetite… Desperate, like when Cherry was pulling off her famous red lingerie. What I would give to see her put whip cream on her nips. The way she took the treat in her mouth. Oh, fuck! I was desperate. It’s like that time I went to summer school. All I wanted was a D-average so my father wouldn’t beat my ass. He said it wasn’t even the money but the time. Fucking time. Again it’s Saturday, March 11, 2023, and what was I doing before two? Wasting time fucking… well, masturbating.

Other than prayers for B, crying for him. The way this heart shattered that day… Do you remember how I said I’d burn the world down if I blamed anybody? Other than myself? A monster, a murderer, I’m just a “man.” And is there worse? Um, The Last of Us… Madam. I mean that the show teaches that it’s not the Infected that are the monsters but mankind itself. I should know, right? Once again, what I want more than B III alive beside me… A woman, women? I want to be Dennis Hof or Hugh Hefner. Dark things. Like revenge, Madam? And I’m not trying to sound like some Incel freak. You know who I would punish. Um, me, the man in the mirror.

And yet I am desperate enough to try and save my existence. It’s why I still have the Day Job, isn’t it? I ignored Braxton because I thought he needed the money more than me. Madam. Every day I bawl up my fists and smash them into bathroom walls. Lockers? Hoping nobody in the breakroom can hear me. Such is my rage. At everything, everyone. I’ve given up trying to be a hero because hoping for something. Debated myself before. Sadness, Fear, Hatred vs. Hope. Rules four and five. I can’t die until Braxton’s book… This is why I’m desperate enough to ignore everything. A little bit for this conversation. Good Luck! Because I am always desperate enough to sin. Desperation Can Make Anyone Dangerous.

771 Days Without B III, Day 212 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 253 ~To B Forgetful Virgil~

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I look to Braxton’s bowl, not Virgil’s. There’s the corner of the counter where there are B’s meds. In the fridge, there’s a bag of Braxton’s food. It’s a few years old. But yeah, I got Virgil. And what else is on my plate? To B Forgetful Virgil

Saturday, March 11, 2023

Saga 253 ~To B Forgetful Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. That doesn’t buy… “just one peaceful night… a clean conscience.” Choosing to remember or forget, Lunalesca?

Dog food? I still have a bag of Braxton’s sitting in the fridge. Meanwhile, I’ll probably have to Doordash more for Virgil. Sad to say, it’s not that I’m lazy or that I even forgot. No, Lady Lunalesca. It’s that I just don’t care. Well, I’m not letting him starve, am I? But you know how people were all WWJD. “What Would Jesus Do?” Whatever happened to that Lady Lunalesca? Fucking GQP! And what’s that new group that’s out, “HeGetsUs.” Anyway, as I say BLM, Braxton’s Life Matters. WDBN or What Does Braxton Need, Lu. With V, it could be I’m a selfish bastard. Or a terrified one. I got more of the prescription deodorant. I’m sure nobody’s forgotten my Humiliation at my granddaddy’s funeral.

I then fall back on my son’s death as the worst thing I’ve ever done. Talk about emotional support. And what about the fact that I haven’t changed his picture in months, Lady Lunalesca? Don’t I miss him? And do I want Virgil to join him? I need medication. But so does Virgil. I was talking to Lady Sophia yesterday about Virgil lying here. Annoyed? You bet I am. When I wake up, I want to forget who he is and imagine he’s B III. That’s something else I can’t forget. Every morning, realizing I haven’t joined B wherever he is. Did I forget that I’m not going to Heaven? Condemning Braxton to Hell, Lunalesca? Hell! I forgot how to live when I turned seven.

“What in tarhooties” became “what the hell?” And now, “What The Fuck” am I doing? Well, other than wanting to fuck. I have three rubber bands on my wrist Lunalesca. Comedy comes in threes, so say they. But in all honesty, I wear two because of my bandanna. In the time of COVID and I needed to make it back to Braxton no matter what. Only with The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. And The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. Dammit! I’m sick. Drugs, Disease, Death? Lunalesca, the third rubber band, reminds me of all the tits I ain’t seeing. I got videos; Cherry, Starlets… I wish I had more of Somebody That I Used To Know. To B Forgetful Virgil

769 Days Without B III, Day 210 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 251 ~Smile Virgil, Fangs B~

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Dumb Ways to Die. Let Virgil take a few fingers eating fries… (B III knows better). Get a smile stuck on my face at the Day Job, then smash my head Humiliations Galore, etc. But whenever I wake up, surprise then disappointment. Smile Virgil, Fangs B

Thursday, March 9, 2023

Saga 251 ~Smile Virgil, Fangs B~

767 Days Without B III, Day 208 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? What time is it? FUCK! It is only a half-day, and I’ve already wasted $40.00

Well, if it made you happy. I should have bought you fries that Wednesday. It would have been the last day you could enjoy them. Am I right? But you know how I was. One more hard week down and Humiliations galore. And I had to do it while smiling. Braxton, I woke up this afternoon, and it was like something out of King of the Hill. You know when Hank shook Bush’s hand. Surprise, then disappointment. That’s being alive. Existence. I shouldn’t look down on it, should I? I want to say you’d be happier lying by my side than the freeloader. One day I won’t call V that. Um, cut to my disappointment. That’s how I was this afternoon waking up after lunch.

V biting me doesn’t scare me at all. With all the med stuff I still have going on. My bad. What do I know about doctors and things? It’s not like they told me I’ll die. A shock B III. No! It was such fear when they told me that you were dying. The face I must have made way back then. Did I say that? It’s only been two years. And what do I have to show for it? It is much too early to start thinking about E-Day. Emergence, Existence, Extinction B III. Or is that the only day I eat well? If it wasn’t for the rain today. Was I afraid, Braxton? That’s the worse look on my face. I look STUPID.

Only it could be worse… Well no. When it comes to my face, shall I perform Heaven’s Light for you? “No face as hideous as my face. Was ever meant for Heaven’s light.” B III. You had such a cute face. To this day, Braxton, you are the most beautiful thing that I have ever seen. Okay, the most handsome. The last time I was all mushy with you… (sigh). Yeah, it was in the vet’s office when we had to say goodbye. How many times have I cried writing this? At least I ain’t moaning in another sort of way. Clothes on, Virgil sleeping. Sharing fries with him, he nearly took some fingers. To bleed to death… and join you. Smile Virgil, Fangs B.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 250 ~Old Lady, Braxton, Virgil~

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B III and I are two peas when it comes to women. Nothing against Baby Got Back, but we’re trying to be the breast men we can… excuse me? I’m trying to be The Best Man I Can Be. Ha! But I did hope he’d have a mom. And Virgil? Old Lady, Braxton, Virgil

Wednesday, March 8, 2023

Saga 250 ~Old Lady, Braxton, Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now but not a single father. At least not again… not yet. Isn’t Braxton still here? Spirit.

And mine is gone. Now I’m crying again. It was good while it lasted. Angry, Antsy, and Always thinking about Braxton Barks. But I wasn’t crying until this moment. Inevitable. When I think about LOVE, I think about my son. Nothing more, nothing less, Inspector. Now LUST? Because I can’t think of falling in love. Not right now. Great Expectations. And fuck I had a lot of those Tuesday. Such was my great sin. Well, other than my boy B. It always goes back to that. But if it wasn’t B’s murder. I have so many other regrets as well. For example, I wanted to find him a Ma. He had my sister. Or did he ever? My B III. And his aunt… um, boobs?

So um yeah, ok, Tuesday. First and foremost, what the fuck is wrong with me talking to Cherry like that? Um, yep, I keep up with Triple B’s absence. 766 days. V’s arrival, 207 days. But how long can I keep my dick in my pants? The fuck if I know. Only how long can I keep from cumming… I should rephrase that. When was the last time I had a release? Apps can be fantastic… It’s been 68 days. When B III died, I went for exactly 161 days, Echo. Anyway, yesterday, while losing my fucking mind, I started talking on Onlyfans. Uh yep. It’s the usual mess, needing help with a bill, half-off for your assistance, etc. Inspector. Fucking moron… That’s me. Right?

Anyway, I paid. And again, I tried talking to Cherry like a skeevy, perverted, deviant. Inspector, it doesn’t help. Well, I start looking up Milf Dos, and I send the OnlyFans girl some dick pics. I told her what I wanted, ok. And surprise, surprise, can you guess what, hmm? I would have been better off saving up for a new sex toy. Thursday, February 16, 2023, The Cherry Collision. Today I do feel as though I’m healing without medication. Inspector, I was out Sunday. No woman looking after me… My Ma paying my bills… International Women’s Day and all. “I’ll Always Love My Mama. Besides her, it’s been Gabbie Carter, Momokun, Day Job lady. But being in love, a meeting? Old Lady, Braxton, Virgil

766 Days Without B III, Day 207 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 249 ~Virgil Loves That B~

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So when did I know… love? When I told him to get in the car? Standing between me and my father, fangs ready to protect me. His guard post on the corner of the bed. And how did he know? With his aunt, he knew he loved her easily. “Virgil Loves That B”

Tuesday, March 7, 2023

Saga 249 ~Virgil Loves That B~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But my love, at the end of the day, “It’s my heart, and it’s broken.” Still?

No! You would never be so cruel to think it. But to love is to understand. Or at least try. Right now trying to understand why the tears are falling from my eyes. Time travel? Today’s Monday, March 6, 2023. It’s day 765 without B III. You know where I am… There’s no leaving Sunday, January 31, 2021. And yet I couldn’t tell you the day I met my firstborn. There’s no telling the day that it became Braxton and me against the world. Hmm. We could even debate his birthday. But I go with Sunday, February 13, 2005. The day Braxton died, though. I’m like Finnegan Bell from 1998’s Great Expectations, heart and all. Only from all the books I actually read. Well, love…

I’ve been trying to figure out how Braxton knows love. Again I can’t remember the happy days. Yet I remember when Triple B fell in love with his Aunt Carolina. It involved him going all Triple X, X-rated… whoa not that far. Ha-ha. She let him climb all over her. The next thing I knew, he was in love. Or he really liked her boobs. My son the dog; like father like son, ha-ha. I can’t recall when he fell for fries. Particularly McDonald’s. “Sorry, Blame It On Me.” Especially when he started getting older. And he always had that choice of going for a walk or waiting for fries. It could have been that he only wanted to be near me, always and forever.

Working the old Day Job… well, that was fucked up. Hell! I think Virgil understands how I “felt” about that place. Virgil understands? But what about love? Let’s try stairs. Anyway, Braxton didn’t love saying goodbye. Yes, more tears. To think he has that in common with Virgil. Now even with Braxton’s last day. He didn’t want to say goodbye. Those mornings imagining the former Day Job, Virgil will howl and cry for a while. Honestly, my love. Me and those boys, we don’t say goodbyes too well. Nope. Never. Only how do we say hello? I suppose I could crawl all over you. B III, and I know boobs. I could stop running away. We could sit here together, love. Virgil Loves That B

765 Days Without B III, Day 206 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 248 ~Living Reasons Are Dying Reasons~

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I’m not fit to live, and yet I survive. Virgil is not Braxton, but so that B can live always… I could publish a damn book. And pornographic passions are always evolving. And at the Day Job. Who’s pissing me off now? “Living Reasons Are Dying Reasons”

Monday, March 6, 2023

Saga 248 ~Living Reasons Are Dying Reasons~

Two-Hundred and Eighty-Second Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, but unlike the assholes in the GOP, I have studied “my” history, black history like MLK Jr.

Rover… Oh no, I’m not comparing any person or persons to beasts. Republican dickheads. No, I’m thinking about a Dr. King quote, “A man who does not have something for which he is willing to die is not fit to live.” You know what that was/is for me. Braxton. Can I not publish his two books already? Ensuring he’ll live forever, and then I am free to die. I sort of feel like doing that right now, time-traveling. And seeing to the… um, Virgil. For certain, though, if I could have given my life for Braxton’s… In a heartbeat, no questions asked. The things I survived because my boy needed me. Only, I couldn’t give him the life he deserved. And why, Madam? Strokin’, Rutting

Rut before when I was dead to the world. But rutting? And yes, I did look up the meaning of the word. Again that book “Mesmerizing Caroline.” Pornographic passions, language. Hell! Madam, if there is a hint of titties. I’m going to be a fanboy. Ask Cherry one day, ok. Next to my Braxton, women are the most beautiful things on the planet. Getting up? Madam, I promised Braxton I would find him a mom or a stepmom… fucking stop. Anyway, isn’t that the purpose of people? There isn’t one person on the planet. Not this moment I would give my existence for. But if B could find a way to love me well… A woman learning to value my life; maybe I can too.

Revenge ha? Or should I say, Justice Madam? I live to hurt myself. Only not in any traditional way. Thursday, February 16, 2023, The Cherry Collision. The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. Fuck! All the time, I spend wanking instead of writing. Even right now, geez. Sitting here on a Sunday afternoon, I’ve been looking up Lucy Tyler and Kiara Gold. Onlyfans will never net a profit (cough) $12.00 (cough). But with the money? Madam, I mean much more than that. I would go all The Count of Monte Cristo on the world. But who specifically… Careful right? Other than Braxton’s passing. My fault. Remember rules four and five. Hate will keep you alive. Love is worth dying for. Are those Living Reasons Are Dying Reasons?

764 Days Without B III, Day 205 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 246 ~Virgil, To Be Delivered~

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The last thing at the door… the “worst” Buffalo Wild Wings I’ve ever had. What happens when I stop singing Aceyalone’s “I Can Get It Myself?” If I had my way, the whole damn world would be delivered. “Love and Happiness?” Virgil, To Be Delivered

Saturday, March 4, 2023

Saga 246 ~Virgil, To Be Delivered~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but like the song, “I don’t care too much for money. Money can’t buy me love.”

If you considered last night… $36.00 for subpar food. Now, didn’t I write off Arby’s and Jack’s? Add Buffalo Wild Wings to that list. Braxton wouldn’t care. His dining habits. That’s yet another regret I have when it comes to his death. That Sunday, I should have let the vet dose him and let him eat everything he wanted: fries. But no, Lady Lunalesca. I took my son straight to Heaven, the Rainbow Bridge, or wherever. He’s always stayed. Considering how I continue to mourn day 762. I don’t seek salvation for my crime. Lunalesca, if there is one thing I know. Triple B wants to be wherever I am. To quote Eminem, “I’m goin’ to hell, Who’s comin’ with me?” Nobody else, Lunalesca, hmm?

Hell! One more reason for me to stay alive. Like when I’d be asleep, and B III would watch over me. Then we’d sit in the den, and it would be my turn to look after him. And now what? I wish I could say I delivered on my promise to wake up early, Lunalesca. Billionaires wake up when again? I didn’t get out of bed until 5:00. But I can’t say I’ve been productive. Destiny Cuban, Lucy Tyler, and Sabrina Carpenter wearing lingerie. Lunalesca, give me some credit. At least I’m not paying for porn. I was doing the math all of yesterday, besides paying for Wi-Fi. Deliver us from evil? I wish, but I’ll have to go outside today. I want Pepper Dogs.

I want a world where money is delivered to a bank account. And I don’t have to do something I hate. So why aren’t I writing? I hate to say it. Kanye was right, Lunalesca? Slavery is a choice… At least when it comes to my Day Job. Deliverance, Destruction? Yesterday I did throw away some things related to The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. And The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. Lunalesca, I wish I could have drugs delivered. Two more days to see me healing… There’s also the tax refund. Everything I need to get for Braxton and the freeloader. Lunalesca, his name is Virgil. I bought/adopted a dog. What about women? My soul? Perhaps, Virgil, To Be Delivered.

762 Days Without B III, Day 203 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 244 ~Gonna B Alright Virgil~

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I thought the silence would kill me. But the noise filling the void now? It’s like “Wanted,” I want to scream at the Day Job, “SHUT THE F*CK UP!” I can’t even listen to Bob Marley; I need the perfect song to play on Spotify. “Gonna B Alright Virgil.”

Thursday, March 2, 2023

Saga 244 ~Gonna B Alright Virgil~

760 Days Without B III, Day 201 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I asked that every day. But did I listen? I hope you hear me now.

My anger. And as the song goes, “I feel stupid.” Hell! I am stupid. And I wish I could have told you that. The Wednesday you came crying to me. If I didn’t hear you… Braxton, I should have let you help. That’s one more thing making me angry today. Selfishness. Because even now, I want to make this about me. I thought I was protecting you, in a way, from my rage and wrath. But it was the indifference. I didn’t care enough, Braxton. We went on until Friday. “I sang ‘Cause every little thing, gonna be all right.” But it won’t be ever again. And not only because you’re gone, Braxton Barks. Madness. To paraphrase from the character Howard Beale “I’m fucking mad as Hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!”

And I’m scared of what that means, Triple B. What if it doesn’t mean a damn thing? It didn’t back when you were with me. I would still be sitting here, head of the table. Braxton, that’s what I was scared of. I wouldn’t be able to put food on our table ever again. Don’t I have those concerns about Virgil Vivi? That’s another thing that frightens me… I don’t. You see, it’s been 201 days. That’s about six months and change. Any fear, Braxton? Only I don’t want to see him suffer in the rain. And there was that time he sniffed your bed. I don’t fear at all that he’ll take your place.

I’m sad that I would rather join you. A lot more these days, B III. Thanks to the Day Job. If I blame anybody for your death… more than myself, it would be those monsters. Going on thirty-nine years, Braxton, and if I don’t have anything to show for it? It was a sad idea. Better to give in to depression than anger. A mind is a terrible thing to waste. And according to the Day Job, I don’t have one. So what should go into my head? At the moment, it’s what this reactor said about Anger, Fear, and Sadness. Triggering emotions. Lust is not the greatest. Eww! And things like hope, love… Hell! But telling Virgil and me, It’s Gonna B Alright Virgil.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 243 ~ Braxton’s Time Frightens Virgil~

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What time is it? I exist by ticks and tocks. Yet as the song goes, “Every Day Is Exactly The Same.” It’s not a good time. Only slightly less than the worst day. But today, aww, Hell! Braxton might understand. Virgil… “Braxton’s Time Frightens Virgil”

Wednesday, March 1, 2023

Saga 243 ~Braxton’s Time Frightens Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I’m a dumbass. Well, unless I’m stealing from people. Stealing from myself, for example…

I was actually up on time today. An hour before the first alarm went off… Earlier Inspector? Considering Thursday, February 16, 2023, The Cherry Collision. Remember? Not to take care of my son, I’m afraid. Not even to honor him because I wasted an hour. Remembrance wouldn’t have been a waste. Rage? Echo, we’ll get to that, no doubt, soon. Reading? Don’t I wish? There was an hour of time. What did I accomplish, Inspector? Rutting! Or at least trying not to. Something needed to feel good, Inspector. With today… Hell! If only Braxton were here, I would have been working as he slept. Now with the freeloader. I know, stop it. Did I mention I’m in a rage? I wouldn’t hurt him. But people…

That’s why my Braxton is dead. There’s all the rage out there in the world. There is nothing left but my hatred. How can I hate the man that Braxton loved so dear? Mirror, anyone? That’s why Virgil is safe in Braxton’s Room. I, on the other hand. Safety assured? Inspector, excuse me, (ahem) “my safety not assured.” Thank you very much, The Walking Dead: World Beyond. What I wouldn’t give for zombies, infected, tentacles… Inspector, the things we remember. And I have been through the gamut today. Fuck me! No! I want to feel this rage and anchor. The shame and disappointment; everything Echo. Because, again, not feeling got my son killed. And there hasn’t been a time for me to stop grieving that.

But okay, what happened at the Day Job? For two days straight, I’ve been corrected, chastised, and coerced into being a bitch for two managers. I can’t do anything right. Second, as for that coercion, I wonder who the hell am I? I can’t speak as I ought to ever. I cower, cry, and can’t stand up and be a damn man. But when B III was here, Echo… And now I’m existing by the clock. That hasn’t changed, to be honest. But when you’re thinking with your cock. Counting how many times I wish I were… um. Anyway behaving like a coward. And yet it’s 2V who’s afraid. It’s the only thing he and I have in common now. Chronomentrophobia. Braxton’s Time Frightens Virgil

759 Days Without B III, Day 200 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 242 ~To B Healthy Virgil~

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Black History. I’m a black man, and “This Is America.” Thinking I can make a change. A family of my own? I don’t know my nephews. Or two half-brothers. And I was the best man I could be for Braxton. But some doggie or woman… To B Healthy Virgil.

Tuesday, February 28, 2023

Saga 242 ~To B Healthy Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Which means annual checkups, insurance, and staying the fuck out of Florida. But then again, Disney.

I may not have a healthy relationship with my Olds. But tradition. I want to take our kids to Disney World, Universal… Uh, what else is there again? I don’t want to think about it. Isn’t that the thing, love? I always told myself there would be time for Braxton. Living for my son; when he was the one living for me. Because what have I done for 758 Days? Existing. And yes, this is something I should be sharing with a therapist. Doggie, Wife? I should dig my hole a bit deeper. If I dare compare you, the love of my life, with Braxton. Love, my love. If it wasn’t for my firstborn, I don’t know if I could ever say I know love.

Because I didn’t go to the doctor yesterday for me. I still wake up every day not wanting to. I close my eyes with dreams to never open them again. Something else to discuss, right? Instead, I told the Doc what was going on. And she said that no, that’s not it. My sore ass. They shot me up with some antibiotics. And I got a prescription for the drugs I took after The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. A week’s worth for The Cherry Collision. I’m upset about that. What! That I got a week’s supply. Or the fact that I cared to get well. Being a husband, a father, and having the freeloader to feed. I swear I’ll stop calling Virgil Vivi that at some point. But today, love…

It’s not killing him. Been there and done that with Braxton. As for myself. Breathing. Yesterday the Doc said I need to drink more water, and I’m trying to keep it up for the week. Until I run through my course of meds anyway. B wouldn’t want this, I know. People in Hell want ice water but isn’t the Ninth Circle all ice? Treachery, Betrayal? Braxton, again, he kept me alive so that I could find you. So that I could give the love I should have been giving him to you, our family, even saving little V. But indifference? It’s what killed Braxton, and I could understand it killing me as well, for sure. It’s what I deserve. Existing living? To B Healthy Virgil

758 Days Without B III, Day 199 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will