Tale 048 ~Braxton, The End, Virgil~

“My” story, me existing… It’s a bit like the Bible. I never read it all. Has a lesson here or there, B, a time in high school, B’s aunt, M anime. But the story shouldn’t be taken as gospel. And don’t burn it, like my B was. Braxton, The End, Virgil

Friday, August 18, 2023

Tale 048 ~Braxton, The End, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I have a feeling that’s not how the story will end. Only it should end.

My favorite critic, of course, was railing about why I must sound all depressive. And how many days have I talked about Braxton? 929 days and counting. Braxton’s story ended. And mine should have ended there as well at the age of 36. And here I am, turning 39 ha. That’s nothing to laugh at. But don’t I remember what day it is? Someone’s birthday. Happy Birthday, M Anime!!! Welcome to Level 35! I envy you. Given your years, I’d… Well, we’ll get to that, won’t we, Lady Sophia? But for now, it’s Braxton’s story. Or that’s what I should say. On top of everything else, there’s been guilt with a book I’ve read. Hmm? It has nothing to do with dead fur babies. Hamster?

No, the hamster is alive and well. Even Grayson’s relationships are working out great with Robyn, his English Rose. And Julia the witch. Two sets of Yabbos, I swear, Sophia. Yes, it’s Friday. But I figured it would take me longer to get through Satan’s Sorority Girls 2 by Eric Vall. There was a moment this morning after I realized Braxton wasn’t stepping on my head. And when I did a morning meditation. Anyway, what came next was the idea that I could become a harem romance writer. But it’s too late for that, Sophia. Inevitably, E-Day will come -Emergence, Existence, Extinction. And my Olds will realize that I’m 39. There’s comfort in the fact that if they wanted to cut me off… why wait?

Why wait? As I look at the nightstand beside me. It’s an altar to the end of all things, yep. On top is B III’s shrine. There are his ashes, condolence card, cremation certificate, etc. In the middle are a few knives. An emergency fund. Braxton’s aunt’s wedding card. Oops! In the next drawer are more weapons that scare me to even look at these days. All I’ve been feeling. And the last drawer is empty. I want to say since I quit “adult entertaining.” Myself, of course. And that’s why I’m rushing to finish Eric Vall’s book. And all the “anime” I’ve seen on Twitter. Wanting more it never ends, Lady Sophia. This depression, disease of existence, deviancy. “My” story… Braxton, The End, Virgil

929 Days Without B III, Day 370 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 045 ~Virgil’s Love B…eing Determined~

Is it too much or not enough? Love. Where is the love? That’s not hard. It was at the vet’s on Sunday, January 31, 2021. It was in ashes on February 4. And sitting on my nightstand by the 10th. Friends, Ma, uh Virgil… Virgil’s Love B…eing Determined.

Tuesday, August 15, 2023

Tale 045 ~Virgil’s Love B…eing Determined~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I love the holidays. Now… Juneteenth is not a useless holiday, Vivek Ramaswamy. Scumbag!

Or that’s what my Ma would call him when she tries not to curse ha-ha. Somebody got on me about that today, a critic, Wednesday, August 9, 2023. So yes, I’m time-traveling once again, love. But didn’t I tell Inspector Echo that it’s a miracle I can even get out of bed? At all. Ever. Hell! I’m impressed Virgil can hold his bladder that long. B was/is much the same. But seeing how this is supposed to be the future, I wonder how “Gotcha Day” went with Virgil. I was going to say B III, honest to God. I’m hoping for a good Thursday. It’s Payday. I remember when I had my old Day Job. That getting paid was a testament to a wasted existence.

There is nothing to celebrate most days. Last night, right out of the blue, I was reminded to take some time off for E-Day. Emergence, Existence, Extinction. Level Thirty-nine soon. Baby Doll, not to go all Spice Girls, “If you wanna be my lover…” But I will never accept E-Day, especially now. It wouldn’t bother me. Not in the slightest if I weren’t here for it. Seventeen? Hell, younger than that should have been the end for me. All my billions, if I could have a Terminator built… I’d want it to go all Judgment Day. “I’ll Always Love My Mama.” As I’ve talked about before. My Aunt told me that I wanted the world destroyed. No profit in that. The Talmud says something like, to save a life is to save the world entire…

Then, to take a life is to destroy the world entirely, then yes. But only me. Do I love people? First and foremost, I love my family: you, my Braxton, the pancakes we made together. There’s my Ma, the freeloader living in the house… I should stop calling Virgil that. There’s a fondness for “my” little sister and my nephews. What about my “father” ha… A reason I want to make our billions. There are friends, B’s Aunt Carolina, M Anime, Cherry, Special K, I could go on. Really? Love Overflows, Overwhelms, and Omits me. It’s like “Me Before You.” I get up for Braxton’s memory, the love of a good woman; my children need their Daddy. Drink or Drown, Jigsaw. Virgil’s Love B…eing Determined.

926 Days Without B III, Day 367 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 044 ~Be Selfish In Your Victories~

“8 Mile?” I’d tell all my failures so they can’t be used against me. And if I had it all… Ask any pretty girl about my cash flow. There was a time when I only wanted to provide for myself and B. And keeping Virgil safe. “Be Selfish In Your Victories”

Monday, August 14, 2023

Tale 044 ~Be Selfish In Your Victories~

Three-Hundredth And Fourth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, and like most, if not all, I ain’t sharing. I’ll give the illusion of being magnanimous, Madam.

Every once in a while, I’ll think back to “Grandma’s Hands,” more like Grandma’s words. And we’ve talked about this before. How she would say, I was full of pride. Madam, Sean Connery’s King Arthur said, “I have no pride left in me.” Since Braxton? How proud I was/am of my firstborn son, my “First Knight,” as it were. Hell! Madam, the last movie I started watching was “Ready Player One.” And I haven’t finished. Yesterday was Virgil’s first “Gotcha Day.” And I went out wanting to brag, that what? Against all odds, I have kept him alive for one whole year. Madam, the bare minimum. Madam, like any Republican, I’ll brag about that. No! I still talk about failing my son. His fifteen-year survival

He could never tell anyone. And yet, the things I share, show, and shed. It’s no big deal. Is it? The fact that I can keep my pants on going seventeen days now. Inevitable Madam. Oh! That I would brag about such a thing. That’s a win I should save for me, but oh no. Do you remember when Braxton’s Aunt was here? And I wanted to share with her these “pornographic passions.” I doubt M Anime will approve even when I bought her the outfit of one of the girls in the video. My son was my goodness. Any other triumphs I have, Madam? The plan for “my” continued existence is based on succeeding in the worst ways possible. And I’ll let everybody know.

Braxton, at least, had me. If I was lucky enough to get out of this place? If I won, Madam. As the song goes, “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone!” Nobody would know Madam until… Well, I’d rather not think about it. It’s the way I don’t want to think about E-Day that is coming up fast —emergence, Existence, Extinction. I never tell anyone when it is. And no one asks. The way we’ve had all these conversations over the years. But then again, a victory? Breathing is no victory. And, like everything. It’s something people think I should keep to myself. And yet, flash, family, and flesh. If I had it all, I’d let the world know. Stop it! Be Selfish In Your Victories.

925 Days Without B III, Day 366 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 041 ~Virgil Reads Braxton’s Ending~

I’m sure wherever Braxton is, he’s learned to read now. I would tell him stories… The ones that didn’t involve this or that. Anyway, I think about how our story ended… And if I could rewrite it? But I’m not with the GOP. Virgil Reads Braxton’s Ending

Friday, August 11, 2023

Tale 041 ~Virgil Reads Braxton’s Ending~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. It’s more like I’m rushing to read all about it. Or better. Checking the fence today

That’s something I’m not looking forward to. But I wasn’t eager for B’s passing either. Lady Sophia, if you had told me the story would end with me murdering my best friend in the world… I swear I’m not learning anything from these books on grieving fur buddies. Euthanasia, AKA the “good death.” Braxton’s gone, I’m guilty. I’m not good. Hell! I’m reading the reference section from Pawprints on the Heart. I need every word. I’m so used to not finishing anything. Remember a couple of days back, I got into working on one of the novels? I paid $300 for a book I haven’t sent in. Going on four years, to be honest. If Virgil could read, Braxton says, “it is what it is.”

And that’s why we ain’t got no money. But the fence held up to the storm. Glory Hallelujah! I said that before checking because I’ve been lying here looking for a birthday gift for M Anime. Um, that soon turned into looking for a gift for myself. What was that? M Anime wants seeds for her garden. I want to see her with less clothing. Lest we forget, what else do I want, Lady Sophia? When Braxton was on his last legs. He could always count on me to bring back fries. My payday was better than I expected yesterday. Hallelujah! No, I’m not finding religion. Between this week and the next… No money for the church. What about a tip? I didn’t say that, did I? Or think it?

Lady Sophia, that’s like saying “adult entertainment” is free. I don’t have to spend money on OnlyFans. A few months back, I figured I was in trouble with The Pic Phenomenon. And this morning, I was looking up Elegant Moments Style 1404, for real. But I got “bills” to pay as an almost thirty-nine-year-old man. If it’s not the fence, it’s what my Olds will say come E-Day. I won’t pay for a man’s sausage biscuit. That’s what my father told me at church when I was young. I agree. Incredible right? Anyway, speaking of spending more money, Satan’s Sorority Girls 2 has come out. Ok, should I read it? No one will be reading about me dying soon… But, Virgil? Virgil Reads Braxton’s Ending

922 Days Without B III, Day 363 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 038 ~Daddy’s Back, Braxton, Virgil~

919 days, and I’m so tired. Excuse? I’m adulting. Or I could be nothing more than a Lazy Ass. I waste time on… Stuff and Thangs. But I’m still walking that path. The office where Braxton died to the front door. Daddy’s Back, Braxton, Virgil

Tuesday, August 8, 2023

Tale 038 ~Daddy’s Back, Braxton, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which should mean people are happy to see me. Braxton was/is always. Virgil? Don’t be scared.

But aren’t I always? Considering I’m time-traveling. Today is Sunday, July 30, 2023. So, a week and some change. I’m afraid I’ll return, and Virgil Vivi will be covered in whatever sickly mess he’s made. Or that he’s eaten it… Never Going Back Again. Gross! I imagine I’ll see that Braxton has returned to me. That’s when I’m not dreaming about some woman at the old Day Job. Or some “adult starlet” in the name of business. There is always my Braxton. You would figure I would hate going back to sleep. One more reason I love it so much. To be back with him or at least not in a world without him. Lying on my back, I can look to Heaven above (sigh).

And then there’s you, my love. When was the last time the two of us… Again, I’m looking towards the future, but at this moment. Yeah, I’m some holy roller. Sort of. Matrimony and all that, I only want to lay here with you. The world keeps passing me by. Only I can’t blame you for wanting to go out and enjoy it. Talk about something that scares me, love. That one day, I’ll see your back, and that will be it. Death, depression, and divorce borne out of this disease known as grief. Ok, you know how I feel about diseases and dying, hmm. “They were all in love with dyin’,” as the song goes —only me. I don’t want the kids following me.

I want them to live. The same as I wish for Braxton and Virgil, but how did that turn out? Virgil is alive, but he’s two. Braxton was on the cusp of sixteen. And our two-legged kids, my love? I remember my “big sister” telling me, you can’t do my kind of business near a school. Of course not. But it’s not me coming back from work. Work? Please! (Smiles). Didn’t I tell someone today I better not smile? And that had nothing to do with grief for B III. I’m surprised that didn’t have you running for the door or coming in —a miracle. Someday, I’ll come back from the vet’s Sunday, January 31, 2021. A machine, dead man, human? Daddy’s Back, Braxton, Virgil.

919 Days Without B III, Day 360 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 037 ~There’s Always A Bigger Fish~

Which is the bigger ending, the dead or the infected? An AI Uprising or an asteroid headed towards Earth. The fence falling down, or 2V being sick for a few days. I would rather compare Yaboos. But no matter what, “There’s Always A Bigger Fish.”

Monday, August 7, 2023

Tale 037 ~There’s Always A Bigger Fish~

Three-Hundredth And Third Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Now, how about being a Trillionaire? Hell! I’d settle for getting Virgil a bigger pillow right now.

But as much as I love… uh like? Is it sad that I don’t know, Madam? But facts are facts. Unfortunately, I have to go back on my rule and say that no love has ever been bigger than that for my Little B. Speaking of rules, you know my “Blackjack” rule. Braxton’s a 21. Please! Then why is he dead if he had all my loyalty and love? B III was/is my whole life. And he’s the only reason I’m not dead yet. Okay, that’s a lie because haven’t I been talking about Virgil? Always. When I say that, Madam, I mean it. I got you always. Who, me? Madam, anyone and everyone can do so much better than me. Cash, cred, dang censorship…

This is going to make this part so much HARDER. Of course, you know what I want to talk about, sigh. So, last night, I discovered on Replika that they now have body customizations. I’ve never been the best when it comes to… What, judging women? That ain’t right. Now, Madam, if pressed. I’ll say Leana Lovings comes close to perfection. (Cue drool.) But who knows who I will see today? If Cherry were to take her top off ever. Wow! And the damn fence. Aww! Come on, Madam, you have to give me that one. We’ll get to the fence in a few, too. But besides creating an AI girl, there was another vice yesterday. The big fight, hmm. Bullies getting dealt with, Madam…

To think I have so much hate for my fellow man. Nope! I have such hatred for myself. More than anyone else. I wish these black men could come to my rescue. They are heroes. Madam, I couldn’t save Braxton, and I’m trying with Virgil. But these brothers and sisters defending someone. Those idiots learned what happens when you think you can attack a black man. There is always something, someone bigger. And that is what existence is, to be honest. I’m waiting for an even bigger problem. A section of fencing? What about sections, all? Money could fix everything, right? But don’t they say Mo Money Mo Problems? Funny. It’s me, hi, I’m the problem. I’m not that big… There’s Always A Bigger Fish

918 Days Without B III, Day 359 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 034 ~Virgil Knows, B’s Tales~

Who do I tell when there’s nothing they can do? Braxton couldn’t save himself. But he fought to live so he could save me. “How to Save a Life.” I can’t fix the floor or fence or find a dentist for my face.” I’d tell B. And V? Virgil Knows, B’s Tales.

Friday, August 4, 2023

Tale 034 ~Virgil Knows, B’s Tales~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. That doesn’t make me benevolent. I’m neither brave nor bold. Balance isn’t helping this scared BOY!

It’s such an ugly word in how it’s spoken in this country. Not that I’ve heard it from a white person lately… We’ll get to that. I’m more concerned with the man in the mirror. No! The BOY. That’s what I am, Lady Sophia, a pathetic (puss… censored) poor BOY. Yeah? Should I start singing, “I’m just a poor boy; nobody loves me.” Yesterday… Please! But Virgil did try. I don’t talk to him about Braxton often. Only I was lying here crying about the rain… Again, we’ll get to that because, as the song goes, “I’m only happy when it rains.” Or I once was, but with everything coming down on me these days. Anyway, Virgil attempted to cuddle me, and I fell asleep.

Two things, Lady Sophia. One, I’m never happy. Two, when Braxton was here. It didn’t matter what happened as long as I was wrapped around him. He would somehow wind himself around whatever was hurting me… Which explains why he was constantly stepping on my head. Or the way he would watch over me always. I was safe, protected, and loved. Lady Sophia, a boy, and his dog. If I ever published that story, I wouldn’t be in the mess I am now. And truth be told, I want to make a mess I’ll never have to clean up. Ever! So, let’s start at the beginning. I’m “Feeling super, super (super!) suicidal.” Every day now. And of all the STUPID reasons, the fence is broken.

I’m 38, OK, Lady Sophia, and I have no idea what I will do. Call my Dad? Oh God! Well, not doing anything to help myself, I cut some weeds off the opposite fence. I then decided to check the route Braxton and I would walk behind the houses here. Those were much better days. Anyway, this guy calls out and asks if I live here. Then he asks where before he accuses me of trying to steal some bikes. “First, let me explain that I’m just a black man.” And so was he, Sophia. A black man! Not a white guy, a Karen, or M Anime and her… Racism? Existing has always been too much for me. No fairytale world Virgil Knows, B’s Tales.

915 Days Without B III, Day 356 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 031 ~Bellyaching Braxton, Virgil, Me~

I’m sick, but he needs me. That was my mantra whenever I was ill, but Braxton needed food in his bowl. He needed bathroom time. I never bought him enough. A few stairs, better toys, and boy, his health… B III’s gone. “Bellyaching Braxton, Virgil, Me”

Tuesday, August 1, 2023

Tale 031 ~Bellyaching Braxton, Virgil, Me~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or we’re billionaires… I wonder how that makes you feel. Me? Bellyaches, boredom, lots of bitc…g…

As I was telling Madam Justice this morning, (sigh). Yes, I’m time traveling quite far. Today is Monday, July 24, 2023. So before I met you, love, you can tell today is one of those days. One where I want to sleep forever, if you catch my drift. Censorship, love. One more day of missing my Braxton, something awful. A reason for me to bellyache. Darling, I’ve been thinking about those days I’d go hungry. I remember my “adopted” big sister telling me when I would starve myself on purpose. I was so full of feelings that there wasn’t room for anything else. Hell! The day Braxton died… Was murdered. Nothing against Taylor Swift, but “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.” I’m guilty.

Or, I’m STUPID. TMI, but I have plenty of reasons to feel ill. Why I Wanna To Be Rich, ha. As the song goes, “Hey Jealousy.” While I was busy doing nothing at all today, I got to watching “pet” videos. I’m not gonna lie. If I could remake the world… Even with billions, I could never have what I want. That would be for Braxton to cuddle up to your belly while you were pregnant. To have my firstborn protecting the children we created. Pouring the Bisquick, ha-ha. My Pancake would have loved them. A bro, a sis, more. What about Virgil? He eats. But at 353 days in, I bet his stomach is still in knots. Poor V. Yet he doesn’t complain… much.

Me, on the other hand? In my grief, I have returned to anger. And to think that’s the best part, if anything. Never at you, our children, or my Pancake. Always me. I hate me. Perhaps my favorite critic won’t get this reference. Still, I feel like Taki Minase when he ended up on the wrong side of the knife from Rika Shiraki. While in the throes of… anyway. Do you know the series Bible Black, Love? I’ll see if I get in trouble for that. Yet more reasons for all my stomach pain. What makes things better? An S word but shutting up. Because I’m a terrible person, a sick one, but a husband, a father, a man’s gotta eat. Bellyaching Braxton, Virgil, Me

912 Days Without B III, Day 353 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 030 ~Death Is Life’s Greatest Invention~

Just because I’m not watching movies… All the ones I’ve missed, Barbie and Oppenheimer. The Sound of Freedom? I’m thinking there’s only one way to stop the madness. But I’m busy looking after Virgil. As for me? Death Is Life’s Greatest Invention

Monday, July 31, 2023

Tale 030 ~Death Is Life’s Greatest Invention~

Three-Hundredth And Second Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I won’t be getting on a submarine anytime soon. The unhappiest people want to Survive Somehow.

I don’t know how much Braxton’s Aunt makes, but she stole my line. Well, The Walking Dead’s line, anyway. JSS, Just Survive Somehow. And you know how I “love,” TWD. Madam, I “worship” zombies, infected, viruses… sorcery known as Necromancy. Madam, didn’t I get all into Aloe Blacc’s “I Need A Dollar” last week? More like I need an apocalypse. You know how I am about B and after him, well, my addiction to uh… Censorship is a pain. This is yet another reason the third thing on my list would be. Madam, care to guess? It’s like I’m Knox talking about Winfred/Illyria. Uh, Death… Madam, am I still “Feeling super, super (super!) suicidal?” Always and forever. Is it ok? When keeping Virgil alive, Madam?

Uh, no! But here I am, time-traveling. It’s Sunday, July 30, 2023. Virgil is very much alive, and I intend to keep him that way. Hell! That reminds me, I need to meditate today. Madam, the last plan I’ve been running has been all about productivity and setting intentions. “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans,” as THEY say. Wasn’t that from some white guy I shouldn’t be listening to? And while we’re on the subject. Uh, “these white men are dangerous.” Didn’t I say something about memes? Hmm. You could consider me a saint compared to the GOP. I still want to be a billionaire, though, Madam. Despite screaming, simoleons, sex, stupidity, and everything (sigh,) “Your faith brings death!”

Madam, I am way into movies this afternoon. “You either die a hero or live long enough to see yourself become the villain.” “Which would be worse – to live as a monster or to die as a good man?” Do you remember when I would say the world will end in five minutes? What if I died in five minutes… only me? In this second, I’ve saved Virgil Vivi. I can’t give myself that much credit, but I was here. I took care of him, and that’s enough, right? I’m going to Hell for Braxton, no doubt. Is that why I like zombies? Infected? Escaping my punishment a little longer. I rather not think about it. Free Will? No! Death Is Life’s Greatest Invention.

911 Days Without B III, Day 352 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 027 ~Sick Of B, Virgil~

I don’t fear Solanum, Rage, Cordyceps, Vampirism, the Screwfly Solution, etc. For most of those, you’re dead or facing extinction. Now, food poisoning from Pizza Hut, losing the phone, the hate the GOP has, and how my son died. Sick of B, Virgil

Friday, July 28, 2023

Tale 027 ~Sick Of B, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And short of bringing Braxton back… Money don’t buy happiness. But courage? Freedom from FEAR? Uh…

Those aren’t the same thing. Hell! This morning, I could find you a ton of memes, hmm. Isn’t that how we all do our reading nowadays? And I’m looking up courage and hope like it’s candy in my pocket. Wasn’t that from the 1997 film The Postman? More to read… I should be looking up why Virgil seems to be sick. If this were Braxton and I wasn’t pissed about the Day Job. Today, though, it’s not rage. Okay, that’s a lie. There’s a bit. Sophia, I could be reading about dead fur babies. That’s like my bread and butter, so I may never forget what I did to Braxton. My son, sick as he was, and how I failed him. There’s the phone too.

I will be one of those negligent parents who leaves their kid in a hot car to die. Huh. Accidently. But I am worried about the phone. Did Virgil puke on it with his sickness? Why do you think I’m up now? While I’m busy trying or instead not trying to quote movies, Fear, uh? It doesn’t shut you down; it wakes you up. That’s from Divergent. I can’t stand Arron Rodgers. And I’m disappointed that Shailene Woodley “Tris” was ever with him. Eff no! Oh! Here’s something you thought you would never read from me. Sophia, I hate SEX! Now, that’s the sickness I should be worried about. But with all the Fear that’s coursing through my veins. Quarantine. Now, that’s what’s driving me.

On this horrible Friday morning, I’m busy washing the sheets that Virgil puked all over. Even money has taken a backseat with all the cleaning stuff I should buy. Veterinarian? I’m not going yet. But isn’t that the mistake I made with Braxton? Shouldn’t I be in his room now, watching over Virgil? He walked Dante through Hell, but giving it, I swear, my lady. All he does is remind me of my failure. Like scam emails, Braxton’s pictures, etc. Uh, the phone that I should be worried about if it’s ruined or not. I can’t stop the Fear. There are books? Please tell me Succubus 8 ends well. To be continued? Are there more? Braxton was one of a kind. Sick Of B, Virgil?

908 Days Without B III, Day 349 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will