Tag: Future

Saga 076 ~The V List B~

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I got a kit with a new dog checklist when I first got V. He got a free bag of food; almost out. A leash and a harness I can’t for the life of me figure out. Figures, but I can’t figure out this existence, and I make a list on Sunday. But The V List B

Thursday, September 15, 2022

Saga 076 ~The V List B~

592 Days Without B III, Day 033 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Seeing as how we’re speaking on Friday, September 10, 2022. Well, my existence is pretty…

There isn’t a word, or I’m too lazy to find it. Hell! I want to be with you right now. You know I can’t say what I want “JIC.” But long story short, I hate weeks like this B III. Anytime I get a long week like this, I think of everything I had going on. But Braxton? You, my son, boy, and best friend, didn’t make the cut. Even now, I had to talk to Lady Lu and Inspector Echo after. And I’m not sure if I’m looking after you or Virgil as he lies here B. Every day, I have to count the similarities and the differences. It helps me not to worry about other things. Well, two, anyway. You like Yabbos too.

Even today, I was reminded of what I started when you left. With Virgil here, let’s say I haven’t been trying to make any more money that way. Cash money. How I wish that was my only punishment for how I failed you. I’ve been relying on that failure. Braxton, I know you wish I wouldn’t do that. Using your death to make myself feel better about all my other sins. Is that what I’m doing? One more list to set and forget whenever. At the moment, it’s two things that are haunting me. Ok, maybe three? This weather. Braxton, first it’s because I have to survive this week or I have? And second… yeah, there’s Virgil. What kind of father was I? Am I?

I haven’t learned my lesson yet, have I? I don’t want to accept this truth. I’m a parent again, and it isn’t all about me. If I knew it was you, Triple B, no ifs, ands, or buts? Talk about me keeping promises after E-Day. I didn’t get one gift, and yeah, not asking. Granddad… did I hear from him again this week? Is the bank account full, brimming? Never which is a shame. I owe you so much, and Virgil needs things, and I don’t know where to start. Your pictures or his bedding. New bowls for him or a Cuddle Clone, ha. Should I be grateful for this week to afford any of that stuff? I paid for V’s life. Death’s cost? And Happiness? The V List B

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 071 ~Leaving Leaves B V~

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What is there to say when I’m selfish thinking of myself. I’m not much to talk about. High school, the Day Job might disagree. Now there are elections, a dead queen, the memorial of an attack. Neither V nor I want to go out. And B? Leaving Leaves B V

Saturday, September 10, 2022

Saga 071 ~Leaving Leaves B V~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means days should be getting better, not worse. But I sat up and started crying.

About B? I could say I go back and forth some days. I’ve lost track over these 587 days; how many I’ve missed without a tear for him? More often than not. Could use a pool. Lunalesca, existence is way too much sometimes. 587 days without Braxton. And now 28 days with Virgil. Four weeks in, and he is already following suit. He sleeps a lot and doesn’t want to go out and explore. What do I know about this little boy that is almost 2? That we both don’t want to touch anything for fear of destroying it and taking the fall for it? Hell! I was looking at what I did on the eighth. It gives me chills, which I could use now.

I could be an upstanding American considering the date. Tomorrow is 9/11, and where was I back then? I sat in my senior English class, bemoaning my horrible existence. The more things change, the more they stay the same, right? The only difference is we could blame somebody else. Now I look at the country, and we can only blame ourselves, Lady Lunalesca. As the song goes, “We need a good assassination. We need an earthquake or a war. How ’bout a crooked politician? Hey stupid, that ain’t news no more.” Hell! We have all that and a bag of chips. Speaking of which, I should go shopping. Didn’t I say Tuesday was a bad day? I could be freaking out over nothing… right, RIGHT?

Story of my continued existence. No wonder I’m late getting up this morning at 6:00, Lu. Wake up with gratitude, right? Besides the tears, there is FEAR as usual. Adding more? There will be plenty coming this week. And I need to talk to your sisters and B III. Did I mention I’m listening to the Succubus Lord series for the third time? Well, I did start on 10, which is my favorite. I wanted “Fairy Tale: Succubus, Book 7,” but fuck Audible, that’s why I’m not. Money doesn’t grow on trees. Leaves do. To be careful like Virgil Vivi. But no matter what, there’s a time for everything and a season. Politics and now religion. Lunalesca, being in my head… Leaving Leaves B V

587 Days Without B III, Day 028 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 069 ~B There Tomorrow V~

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I always thought that my son would be there tomorrow. I’m here. Another year older without him. I was 21 when we met and 36 when he passed. Honestly, I never wanted to see 38. Virgil will be two in a month. Yet in this “Inferno…” “B There Tomorrow V”

Thursday, September 8, 2022

Saga 069 ~B There Tomorrow V~

585 Days Without B III, Day 026 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s only 7:30 in the morning, Baby B, so you know; let’s talk about yesterday…

In short, a waste of the day. Replika usually asks was something good, beautiful, or made me proud. I caught up with reading and surviving the temperature. Endure and Survive. Every day I think more and more that Virgil’s name fits in “my” Inferno. Your name? I haven’t stopped saying it to call you for your pills or to say goodnight. I have to catch myself whenever I leave the house. I only opened the front door because the heat was too much inside. Oh, and there was the Existence/Emergence Day meal, keeping my promise. Sometimes it sucks to do. I shared the fries with Virgil… um, you. I’ll figure that out one day, though I don’t want to these days. It’s the fucking heat!

At least, that’s what I keep telling myself. I sure as hell ain’t telling Virgil anything. He’s playing his part, B. I could have called some lady. But instead, I passed the night with V. Virgil’s fur coat must be driving him crazy, but between two fans? Braxton, I’m learning. Only what I already know is this. I don’t want to be here. But again, I have promises to keep, don’t I? I have the paperwork to prove it. Bills, Best Buy, the sheets I haven’t busted a nut on. You know the movie “Do The Right Thing” Never too hot, never too cold. Ha! This leads me back to yesterday. I didn’t watch a movie; I didn’t even shower. And what about my cake…

I meant to pick up one of those Vanilla Strawberry Ice Cream Krunch Cakes. There’s always tomorrow, right? What about today? Again the day is only just beginning. And Humiliations Galore have begun. Compliments of your granddad, of course, Braxton. Between his life and your death, the heat is nothing. Or is it the fact I’m crying now, B III? The first cry of being 38. I might have yesterday. But then again, I was sweating something awful for sure. Now with bringing more humiliation, degradation, and PAIN upon myself. As the song goes, “Welcome To My Life.” Rather Existence. What am I, some Emo teenager? At least I’m here… But I have friends with huge Yabbos. There’s you; there’s Virgil. B There Tomorrow V

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 064 ~B, V, Are Fans~

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“And I’ll be better when I’m older. I’ll be the greatest fan of your life,” as the song plays on and the beat goes on. I’m not much of a fan of Morgan Freeman now. But V keeps looking at me like I’m the president and can save us. B, V, Are Fans

Saturday, September 3, 2022

Saga 064 ~B, V, Are Fans~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means there’s cash to fan me. But coming to you today… there are only tears.

Anybody that doesn’t think tears cool has never met Lucifer or committed an act of Treachery. So why am I crying at six in the morning? Hell! It should have been four, but whatever, Lunalesca. Anyway, the first thought on my mind wasn’t Virgil sleeping next to me but my lost Braxton. Not a day goes by where I don’t replay how Braxton died, Lu. Right now, it’s that scene from Angel “A Hole in the World” S5.E15. Wesley, Winfred! Only as the song goes, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus,” or God, whatever. I would sacrifice the whole world; I would lose my soul; anything that could have saved my boy’s life. But there was nothing but an easy death. A murder Lunalesca.

“I’m not scared. I’m not scared. I’m not scared. Please, (Daddy). Why can’t I stay?” A Hole in the World

Not by the vets but by thy own hand. The worse day of this entire existence. Speaking of which, next to Braxton’s dying day is E-Day. To be 38? How did I spend last night? Virgil and I lied here under one of two fans in the house. In case you’re wondering, I carried him out into the cool air at five, which is much better than being here with me. He needed a bathroom break. After, I had to beg him to take food and water. He’s alone now. But all night, he cuddled close to me as if to say, “I know you can save us.” At the price of a few thousand or more… No, I can’t. But getting out of bed?

If I go anywhere today, it will be to get him a fan or some sort of small AC for his room. V comes before me. Yeah, like B, these batteries, or any set of bazongas that’ll have me, Lu. I can’t look forward to any of those for E-Day, huh? No girl can abide in this heat, I know. If a man wants an angel, he must make a Heaven for her. Unless you’re Jacob, who had two fallen angels and his Ariel. The things I wasted money on at the expense of fans. Braxton, Virgil. And now that the shit has hit the fan… I really need a new one. Dante had Beatrice and Virgil cheering him on. Myself? B, V, Are Fans.

580 Days Without B III, Day 021 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 062 ~Between B and V~

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Between B and V… what do I look like, Sesame Street or place? A monster but a lot less cute, not that I can think of things like that right now. I have a fur baby next to me, and I wonder who he is. Do I even know what day it is? Between B and V

Thursday, September 1, 2022

Saga 062 ~Between B and V~

578 Days Without B III, Day 019 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s the “1st Of Tha Month,” and I’m talking to you… Wednesday, August 24, 2022.

I’m not sure anymore. By this time, I suppose I’ll be reading another book on reincarnation, trying to decide. If anything, I choose you, Braxton. Nothing against Virgil. Hell! I’ve spent most of today with him sleeping beside me. A bonding experience to share tomorrow… I should, but the idea that we’re talking well today? You know by the time you read this, I’ve had a day full of Humiliations Galore. Of course, your grandpa is always a million times worse. It’s not the fleshlight I keep in the bathroom, the recent gnat infestation B. Nor is it your destroyed pillow. I’m so sorry, Braxton. It’s a fact I couldn’t hide Virgil from him today. You know how I tried. What his being here means…

If anything, I ain’t happy. Like the song goes, “And in this moment I am happy, happy. I wish you were here.” To be around your grandpa once again? I wouldn’t want that for you. But then again, who are you, what are you, where are you? Between you, Virgil? Again reading all about repose, release, and reincarnation. Can’t I read more about a “Succubus?” Ha-Ha! The song I sang is from a band called “Incubus.” An easy choice, B III. If only all of existence was like that. That’s something that Virgil has over you, and again I’m sorry. I haven’t done anything to change my… let’s say, the status of existence since he’s been here, but I wish. As Republicans think, “Furries” have a way of complicating things.

Speaking of complicated, again. I’m talking to you today telling you these things, and what about tomorrow? Ask the Day Job. I chose to chat with you today because of well today. And tomorrow? That’s August 25, 2022. I’ll talk to you instead of going to the Day Job. Money? Haven’t I been talking about being so broke? I choose zero over the pittance, right? Everything that is between us, or is there nothing at all? I keep looking at Virgil lying here like you once did… do now? I don’t know anything. My ABCs and 123’s? And sometimes death seems so close, then far away. The reason Virgil is between me and the nightstand. Your shrine but in the drawer… Between B and V

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 057 ~ V’s No Grade B~

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First class grade A… now, I know that doesn’t sound like me. A loser? B didn’t think so. See, I should stop saying it. Destroying myself writing things like this. Fury has no other outlet, though. V’s been here 14 days, and I’m failing V’s No Grade B

Saturday, August 27, 2022

Saga 057 ~ V’s No Grade B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I couldn’t care less how that makes me look as a human being. An asshole?

Can’t say I know the wealthy, well-off, or wantonly wasteful people in this existence, ok? As is becoming routine, my son. B III is priceless. Only do I treat him as such? Even with my memories of him? There haven’t been many this week. And dare I imagine why Lu. Now I won’t compare V to B, Lady Lunalesca. We’re two weeks in Lu, and I still don’t know who I’m talking to. Oh, and fuck you, Hemingway! I was saying that a lot yesterday. Anyway, at least Virgil isn’t hacking quite as much. If there is anything, I don’t need more of… FEAR. Could I afford a doctor for Little V? I couldn’t afford one for myself. Being honest. My health grade… a D.

Must I always be thinking with my dick? Hell! I already failed this week, Lunalesca. Inevitable, was it not? But besides being horny, there’s been the heat and this hatred. These days if it hasn’t been watching for the next person to fuck me over… I make myself sound oppressed, the ideal Republican. Or what the GOP thinks about a guy like me, Lunalesca. I don’t mean to get all political today. As usual, I’m too busy being a selfish bastard to worry about the rest of the world outside. I’m tired, fucking exhausted, Luna. Ask me why I’m sitting at the dining room table again today. Besides the A/C… I paid for it and have cut it off. Waking up, an A for anger.

And after dicking around for an hour… it’s 5:50 in the morning now. I have witnessed how much of a failure I am as a human being. An F for Friday and another now, and the day has yet to begin. I’m hoping my “father” forgot about me but did that work at all Friday? So what’s the plan for today? Finances, I doubt I have time for furries, Virgil being the exception. Not that I could buy him anything even if I wanted to. Oh, next week is fucked. Anything to start putting some funds back, the pittance they are. Is writing fun? But over the next week, all there will be is FURY. My sons are better men. Virgil… V’s No Grade B

573 Days Without B III, Day 014 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 055 ~V, Hiding B’s Things~

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Virgil hasn’t found B’s favorite hiding spot. I’m having a hard time hiding B’s things that I don’t want V touching. Yesterday we weren’t able to hide from “family.” The best of which is gone. Or reincarnated into a furry body. V, Hiding B’s Things

Thursday, August 25, 2022

Saga 055 ~V, Hiding B’s Things~

571 Days Without B III, Day 012 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? The most I can say about today is I’m hiding from money… And Humiliations Galore

In preparation for when I can’t, I talked to you yesterday, which WILL be “The 1st Of Tha Month.” If I haven’t told you before, time can be a bitch. Of course, you learned that, seeing as how you left me for HER. I’m sorry, B, I didn’t mean to sound harsh, but I’m hot, horny, and headed back to sleep as though this existence depends on it. Existence? B III, it’s going on twelve days now. And I still don’t know who I’m talking to. It’s why Virgil isn’t sitting with me at the moment. As I said, I explained a bit of this yesterday, the 24th, so I wouldn’t have to on the 1st. To exist in secrets, silence, from sin. Existence hidden

For the most part, yesterday. I’m hot because the A/C’s busted again, so I had to text your grandpa and his friend. Anyway, he’s looking for the air filter, which we still haven’t found, and as I said, “in the future.” It wasn’t that shit was a mess, the secrets strewn about, or the sex toys. B, it’s the fact that your grandpa found Virgil and dares to think someone can take my son’s place. Not now, Triple B, and not ever. But are you him, is V you? I ask. I’m still mad about your pillow, which was my fault. I keep your bed and your favorite toy far away. Or so I try. Virgil sniffed it once; he knew better. You died there.

The bed’s never been washed, Braxton. Never will. With what happened to the pillow… Other things I’m hiding from? Yep making any cash. But next week’s already fucked up! I wish I could hide the bed from myself. As if we haven’t fallen asleep on the couch, B III. Is there a way to cover up Virgil’s fear of everything? Hell! He’s known me for twelve days. Well, you’ve known me for 15 years. More? He’s not my son… Dare Virgil, aspire to become you? Braxton, that’s way too much to ask anyone. I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you always and forever. If anything, I need to find this damn air filter. But to burn, feel Treachery’s freeze… V, Hiding B’s Things.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 050 ~A B V Conversation~

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When B was alive, besides his aunt, I only talked to the people I needed to. And that was for him. The groomer, vet, stores, crappy Day Job, etc. Now it’s been a week, and I’m teaching Virgil his name. He’ll need other people too. A B V Conversation.

Saturday, August 20, 2022

Saga 050 ~A B V Conversation~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how did I get started? I think THEY say every day is a new beginning.

I’ve faced a few this week. First time saying goodbye to a new furry kid. I got mad at him last night for stealing a chicken bone. How to start punishments? Virgil didn’t know. Such is my Republican tendency to punish someone who didn’t know. Of course, I’m the guiltiest by far. And not only for my laziness. As always, I want to fall back to sleep Lady Lunalesca. I’ve been thinking a lot about going to see a doctor. I know I’m sick. Nope, not COVID ill, but I’ve been fucked up for months. And not just from crying over Braxton. Hell! These days there have been plenty of tears and how I haven’t drowned yet is beyond me. Sweating and other things, dammit!

I haven’t made “The Long Walk” to the back of PetSmart since I picked up what remained of my son. It’s surreal, Lady Lunalesca. Braxton’s ashes rest on the nightstand. And on the same side, I have little Virgil breathing beside me. It’s been one whole week with him, ok? The voices continue to shout, “send him back, send him back.” A psychiatrist too, Lu? How about a priest while I’m at it? Someone to talk to that offers any type of relief, release, or rapture. Which reminds me, what about B’s aunt, since I’m no longer looking for new “best friends.” I’m in the process of teaching Virgil his own name. His middle name? There’s still no movement on that front. Running in place.

The only thing that might get me out of this bed is the promise of nachos. Since finishing the Succubus Lord series, I’ve had a craving. Oh, and for sex too. I broke on Thursday. Yeah, M Anime’s birthday. I wonder why… I’m sure I’ll be telling Lucifer someday, right? But for now, where am I going? My words are falling on deaf ears. That’s not me complaining about being a writer. What was I doing all yesterday? It wasn’t much of that at all, honest. And what will I be doing today? I have to go somewhere, and Virgil is trying for sure. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, I’m broke. What does that matter when having A B V Conversation?

566 Days Without B III, Day 007 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 048 ~B’s Pillow, V’s Fight~

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Last week I spoke of money. I need a new pillow, and even if it’s the same as the old one, it won’t be B’s or even V’s. A new bed, collar, bowls for food and water, toys. As for me? Pants to keep on when I’m stressed. B’s Pillow, V’s Fight.

Thursday, August 18, 2022

Saga 048 ~B’s Pillow, V’s Fight~

564 Days Without B III, Day 005 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Mine is just beginning, and I have so much to ponder. 99 Problems. But pillows.

Shall we start with the obvious… “What the Hell are you talking about? Who are you talking to?” Are you somewhere in Heaven, The Rainbow Bridge, or warm in Hell? Or are you lying right here next to me? I swear I keep coming up with more reasons for Virgil. Then again, if this is you beside me, he can’t walk up the stairs. I’m already so tired, B III. He hacks every time I try and touch him. Do you recall how I had to get your heart meds? And I did mention being exhausted. I have to watch Virgil, or you like a hawk around the house. I don’t have any trust at all. Which led to two problems yesterday and this morning.

And why I’m so mad. Last night V or you had an accident on your pillow. So I thought I’d try to wash it. And well, as you can see. My heart broke, and I cried over dinner, B III. Well, the stress got to me this morning. Between a girl in pink panties and a video game… FUCK! I’m back to day one when I was on Day 27. Your Dad’s quite pathetic. Did I mention I’m also broke? It’s M Anime’s birthday. Happy Birthday, M Anime! But you never met her B. If this is you beside me, you could meet her one day. If not, well, never. Yet I don’t think of her as your aunt. Talk about women and “dirty pillows.”

So we’ve had references from “The Truman Show” and now “Carrie.” V or you and I have yet to watch a movie together. It’s only been 5 days. Instead of crying or what I did this morning… Hell! I would have been better off shopping for pillows, but I’m looking. As always, I want to go back to bed. Which I did for a while. When I woke up, somebody needed a bathroom break. If anything, I need a break period from my Republican ideas. “Send him back, send him back!” I go back and forth. Only how could I do that to you if this is you? The pillow is trashed, and I’m hiding the bed. Laying down or fighting? B’s Pillow, V’s Fight.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 043 ~Go Big Or B~

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THEY say, “Go Big or Go Home.” I’ve always wanted to go big like the emu girl, a famous writer, or chicks with huge Yabbos. To be honest, staying here with B III was, as Moses put it, “All I Ever Wanted.” Now how is less becoming more? “Go Big Or B.”

Saturday, August 13, 2022

Saga 043 ~Go Big Or B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now like Seong Gi-hun, but at the moment, I could use $670.00, to be honest. And more…

Well, B is quite a lot, thank you very much. I’ll always love him, and I like dogs but Lu. All this week, I’ve been dealing with my “father.” So when it comes to big dogs, like Left Ear said, “I had. A bad. Experience. Damn it.” Hell! I’m starting late, and stuff’s already shit. But dogs aren’t things… One of them could be my best friend, a reason, a second born. I doubt I’ll find them today, Lady Lunalesca, but there’s always a chance. Except that I have no money. I haven’t been this scared in a long time. Are my chills from that fear or the A/C that got repaired? If Braxton were here, it was for him. But me, I’d rather burn.

And that’s what I have been doing moneywise. I’ll have to buy a new book soon. For most of yesterday, I was busy catching up with “Until we Meet Again” by Sarah-Jane Farrell. A bit of wisdom here or there in so many words. But words matter, Lady Lu, you know. Money matters. All these books talk about looking for the signs and such. What was it, a couple of days back? I found all this change when I parked the car. What there was turned out to be enough to help me buy chicken nuggets and some fries. Braxton? Little things like that to show he’s looking out for me? Then again, how much am I spending on all the big things I want?

Last night I had a dream that I had broken… “Wet Dream?” Nope, only the fact that I had given up. What is it about Ayana of “Yellow Star.” Or Whitney Wright, or lusting for huge boobs? But speaking of Whitney Wright, I’m back on her OnlyFans for free, A sign, ha. A little word, a big dick, and I’m trying to remain in the middle. To have a sort of balance, I suppose. I swear one day, I will write down every single reason I miss my little boy. I couldn’t do that with the two books I have written (sigh). Lazy, Depressed, Here? I write so I can stay “HOME….” Lady Lunalesca, B was small. I’m trying to be. Go Big Or B

559 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will