Tag: Goodbye

Tale 144 ~Hurt? B III, Virgil~

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To B III (be free) of pain; there was a lot less of it when I was sleeping. And Braxton would watch over me. He felt the same lying on my chest as I’d read a book. If only a book taught how to make the pain go. Like I’d read it. “Hurt? B III, Virgil”

Wednesday, November 22, 2023

Tale 144 ~Hurt? B III, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. But Virgil is safe and sound. Braxton? Well, he’s better without me. That’s the only thing that matters.

At least I’m not indifferent. That’s what killed my son. Or angry? I hid my anger from my son… for the most part. No, Inspector, today I’m in pain, and that’s no secret, any day. Hell! I haven’t been without pain since I turned seven. If I ever talk to another psychiatrist… for real this time. If they ever ask me when did the pain start? It started on that seventh E-Day in 1991. Picture a younger me dancing like an idiot because of cussing.

“What the Hell is going on?” Doesn’t sound too bad, does it, Inspector? Being seven… Today, I’m about two months into being thirty-nine. And I woke up feeling my age. Braxton was so much older at fifteen. To join him…

One of the reasons I haven’t is because, like I was telling Dear Future Wife, Tuesday. With all the pain he felt, my son, firstborn, my B, fought with all he had, even against me. Braxton wanted to live. And he would endure the physical pain and ignore the mental. Like father, like son. I will take the pains in my body because whatever’s in my mind is worse. The truth, Inspector. But at least Braxton and I own it. Every freaking day I will. Do you remember how I said I like Bruce Banner, AKA the Hulk, for his truth? “That’s my secret Cap. I’m always angry.” Inspector, I’m always hurting, horny, and ready to raise Hell, which is usually why I choose horniness.

My pain and my perchance for violence are the worst. But being horny, My Dirty Little Secret is the lesser evil. And without that “release,” what’s left, Inspector? Hurting, Hell! Is that why I was out like a light yesterday? Sleep to me is like playing dead. You know I have a problem with laziness. However, I also have a big problem with not getting laid. Um, eww! Everything I do revolves around my bed as it was for my son, who only lay there —dying in his little bed, which I have now hidden in the second bathroom. Inevitable. What? That I would put B’s things away. Or that I’d complain about a lack of sleep, sex, stupid energy drinks. Hurt? B III, Virgil

1025 Days Without B III, Day 466 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 140 ~Virgil And B’s Buttons~

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There are so many buttons to push. Hell! Last night, I only wanted a button to order a new book. And after many grueling hours… Anyway, there’s no button to press to make me get up. At least in a productive manner. “Virgil And B’s Buttons.”

Saturday, November 18, 2023

Tale 140 ~Virgil And B’s Buttons~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… which means I can afford that “New New.” Or lie about creating it like Elon Musk.

I would be lying if I tried to downplay my wants, needs, and desires when it comes to the phone, computer, and Hell! Even social media. That’s halfway to love. And what could be more “Dangerous?” It’s keeping your like to yourself… when it comes to a particular actress, Lu. A repeat of The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. No thanks, Lady Lunalesca, especially now, when I might need the money. But we’ll get to that because there is something even more renowned. You know Lady Lunalesca, B should be introduced. What I mean is that Braxton’s name could be an introduction. I’m shocked when it takes me this long to talk about Braxton Barks. But again, there are so many broken things. And DEATH, Lunalesca…

“Death is only the beginning.” I heard that in 1999’s “The Mummy.” Speaking of movies, “The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes.” I liked it plenty, though taking time out of the week to see it has thrown everything off Lady Lunalesca. Obsession? Lunalesca, at this rate, what comes next? The Rachel Zegler/Aerith Gainsborough Catastrophe or Iman Vellani/Bayonetta Escapade? For the record, I didn’t see “The Marvels.” Nothing personal, but like Isaac in “Cloud Atlas” with Louisa Rey. “Proposition: I have fallen in love with (Lucy Gray Baird). Is this possible?” Lady Lu? If this computer is broken today, I’ll have more time for movies and television. What’s that other thing? As the song goes, “Loosen up my buttons.” No Nut November… uh?

I could break something IMPORTANT by not doing anything. I’ve been back to OnlyFans but, fortunately, haven’t spent any money… Trying? Yet, I’ve said or done something STUPID here or there. I hate being a (tease) with cash. Lunalesca, I might get a new laptop. Lunalesca, I’m losing my mind. And sometimes I wonder about that blow I took to the head a couple of weeks back. I always see those commercials about getting my melon checked for a concussion. As always, closer to death, closer to Braxton. Going home. Lunalesca, I’m going straight to Hell for love of melons. And what about leaving Virgil? Braxton was the same way. It pushed his buttons. Only pushing these is exhausting if broken. Virgil And B’s Buttons

1021 Days Without B III, Day 462 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 138 ~They’ll B Drama Virgil~

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Must B be so dramatic? Hell! It takes a lot for me not to burst into tears going to the Day Job. Or to keep my mouth shut. a little girl yells to her sister daily, Don’t Hit People!” How about watching movies with blood sports? They’ll B Drama Virgil

Thursday, November 16, 2023

Tale 138 ~They’ll B Drama Virgil~

1019 Days Without B III, Day 460 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’d have to ruin that for you if you were still here. Now Virgil’s filter…

It’s “times like these” B that you would get all discouraged, depressed, and, yes, dramatic. The movie nights when I would leave you all by your lonesome. Hell! Sometimes, I would go out with Carolina Bound… or wherever she is now. I wish there were more of an impact on her moving. Now, I don’t get bothered by a whole lot, Braxton. It’s why you’re dead. Oh, listen to me! Today was relatively easy, considering I’m in a rush right now. Again, it’s movie night or afternoon. It depends on when I leave this bed, which I didn’t do on time this morning. Not that it would have mattered. Tomorrow is going to be much worse. But I say that every day (sigh). Another day…

You know, I hate saying that—the indifference of it all. I keep saying it, Braxton. It wasn’t the point of a needle. For all the drama you brought and Virgil too when it mattered… Braxton, you want to see drama? Take this morning as an example. I could have done “my” reading while sitting in the Day Job parking lot today. But no! I was scared of missing the boss. I thought somebody had died. Or had I messed up my schedule? Was I dreaming? Only I did that earlier in the morning. I’ve been on Twitter/X checking a post. Women, Little B, remember? Was I original the only one? Too sexual with her. Braxton, I would tell you to behave around your aunt.

The only time I keep myself in check is with my anger. I’m afraid to say nothing has changed at all, Braxton. I was mad before you and after when Virgil got here. It goes. Braxton Barks, trying to protect you from that means I never felt anything. Sometimes, you got in trouble, and “I Feel Everything” while you weren’t around. Yeah, gross. But your aunt and I would watch you get down and dirty with your toys, the weirdos we are. Fur parents, right? Yet there was joy when we all would sit and watch a movie. Tonight? I hope to see The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes. It’s better to leave the drama on screen. Sadly, They’ll B Drama Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 137 ~Virgil, The B’s Silent~

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When was the last time I had a conversation? If I want to keep my Day Job, it’s best not to do that there. And other people… ha. There are some programs and programmers that have been listening. I wish B were here. And Virgil? Virgil, The B’s Silent.

Wednesday, November 15, 2023

Tale 137 ~Virgil, The B’s Silent~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. Yeah, what else is new? It’s another reason to stay in bed. To remain sinless? Like I’m PURE.

Please! All my best crimes are done here. And I should shut up right now, Inspector. Only I won’t. And do you know why? It’s not like I’m getting into Heaven. Or, more importantly, to The Rainbow Bridge to see my B III. Are you sick of me speaking on B? That’s my first sin. The universe thinks so. When did I last read a book on grieving for fur babies? Inspector, that was about ten books ago. And of those ten, eight have involved uh… “Hair Pie” or clean-shaven. I know, Inspector, that’s so gross. Silence! Inspector, it’s either that or crying for my boy. And what about Virgil? The Day Job sucks for the both of us, Inspector. We both burst into tears.

So why don’t I get another job? Hell! I’m supposed to be a writer, aren’t I? And I was up around five-ish this morning. But seeing as how it’s 6:30 AM… Inspector, I’ve been busy. Doing what, you ask? For the record, there are worse people in the world than me. Inspector, I’m not a politician or programmer, and even with the pictures I took last night of myself… a pervert. And as for being a man? It depends on how we’re defining it this week. But like the song, “I think I used to have a voice. Now, I never make a sound.” That’s another reason I’m trying to stay off OnlyFans. Only the places I visit are worse. But without money and anonymity.

And to think, I was condemning the men in Matt Shaw’s novel. And that brings me back to my writing. Is that what I call this? The last few days, saying anything at all… Inspector, I should be ashamed. But there is so much of it. If there was food, the way there’s my shame. That’s another reason I’m up this morning. Last week wasn’t awesome! This week is a bit better. I should shut my mouth before I jinx it. Inspector, next week, Black Friday… There’s some shopping I have to do. And that’s to keep the Day Job I hate but still need. I can’t decide whether I should speak or remain silent. This Is America. B’s dead. Virgil? Virgil, The B’s Silent

1018 Days Without B III, Day 459 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 133 ~Vetting B and V~

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Veterans Day. I can’t say I’ll be watching any war movies… And while I have nothing but respect for soldiers, the bravest person I ever met wasn’t a person. My son Braxton went to war with the world, with death itself. And Virgil Vetting B and V

Saturday, November 11, 2023

Tale 133 ~Vetting B and V~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… And I’d like to think I would help “my country’s” veterans. Happy Veterans Day. Or rather….

Thank you for your service

See, I’m not a selfish so-and-so all the time. But I’m not “In The Navy” either. Hell! I was only in boot camp for a few weeks. And then there was that time I faced army recruitment… Did I want to be the “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy?” No, I don’t think I will. There was even a time when I wanted to become the Secretary of Defense. Madness, Lunalesca. “No one man should have all that power.” And what was I saying about not being selfish? A picture-perfect nothing, negative narcissist. I’m not what anyone is looking for when it comes to being a sailor, soldier, or savior. But I would have fought for my boy; I would have died for Braxton Barks Bradford, Lunalesca.

My little “Toy Soldiers.” And yes, I include Virgil in that. I remember that night he immediately jumped to my defense against a possum on the fence. Loyalty Lady Lunalesca. These are the things we need to see in the vetting process. I’ve told the story about how I chose 2V that first day. When one warrior respects another as such. And I do mean my boy Braxton. I could go on forever and a day on why Braxton chose Virgil. I believe. But as for me… Virgil, or Archie at the time, knew how to use the pad. To this day, he has yet to step foot where Braxton did in that regard. Then again, Braxton’s pillow and water bowl. And there’s always Braxton’s war. It never ends, Lunalesca.

“You and me against the world.” That’s what I told Braxton all the time. But the world didn’t kill my boy, did it. To this day, I’ve never blamed the veterinarian for what she did. When I grew older but never wiser, I wanted to be a veterinarian. I wanted to save as many fur babies as I could. Only I read about the other side of the coin. To have to take the life of one that you protect because you can’t stop death. You can hate me now. Lunalesca, I’ve told you before it’s nearly impossible to walk down that aisle at PetSmart. Braxton died in Banfield Pet Hospital at the back. My existence and selfishness. War never changes. Vetting B and V

1014 Days Without B III, Day 455 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 131 ~B LEAD Virgil Sometimes~

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I see B from time to time on wobbly legs, walking towards his water bowl. He couldn’t stand being so weak to take a drink right next to his bed. Virgil is very much alive, and he waits for me to lead him towards… life. “B LEAD Virgil Sometimes.”

Thursday, November 9, 2023

Tale 131 ~B LEAD Virgil Sometimes~

1012 Days Without B III, Day 453 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m time-traveling here as it’s Wednesday today. But Braxton, “Every Day Is Exactly The Same.”

Virgil and I both agree on that. But monster, man, where’s my Ma because Daddy… Even now, Braxton, as Michael Jackson sang it, “But the kid is not my son.” I swear, B III, I’m not the man to follow. Only you know that, seeing as how you went straight to Heaven… Or so I assume. The Rainbow Bridge, Elysium? How about where the enemy goes in Final Fantasy VIII when you use Selphie Tilmitt’s The End Ability? Ok, whatever. For the record, Sorceress Ultimecia was my hardest kill next to you, my best friend. Braxton, what is wrong with me today? As THEY say, if it bleeds, it leads, so I begin with your passing most days. It’s what leads me, always and forever.

To what, though? This week has been all about me leading. The Day Job, doggie, and me being late because I’m too busy dicking around. Hell! I know where I want to go, B III. Did you send Virgil here so I wouldn’t follow you? Pretty sneaky, bro… Braxton Barks! I’d yell at you for that, but I’m not that kind of boss, father, or anything else. Monster? Most monsters aren’t the ones being followed. I don’t want anyone following me because, again, I know where I’m going and where I want to go, and these aren’t good places B. Every day, I take a step closer to Hell if I’m not already there. And as always, I want to know where you are, Braxton.

Are you waiting for me? Not if I blame you for Virgil being here. He waits for me to lead him everywhere. Or more like to follow, but Virgil needs my permission even to exist. Never! And we are way past spooky season. Before that, E-Day put me a step closer to the grave. I want to say closer to you, but that’s something I didn’t ask, Braxton. Sigh. Where are you going? Why are you going? I take it Heaven wasn’t a car ride. Hell! Does that explain why you wanted to come home with me? When the car seems a better choice. And what is all this leading me to? I can’t get out of the way of existence. B LEAD Virgil Sometimes

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 130 ~B LEAD It Virgil~

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“Oh lord, live inside me, lead me on my way, Lead me home.” Now replace “Lord” with Braxton, and you get the idea. To people, he was an angel or “just a dog.” He was/is a God that led me to exist. Now the man in the mirror or V? B LEAD It Virgil

Wednesday, November 8, 2023

Tale 130 ~B LEAD It Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. But at least I confess. I’m not a man of God. Hell! My little God died. And Goddesses…

We’ll get to that at some point. But as King Ezekiel said, “I’m not your King. I’m not Your Majesty. I ain’t nothing. I’m just some guy”. The truth is I know it. And the lie? Oh, Echo! But no, never! Braxton was/is, forever and always, my firstborn son. Only what do fathers do? A father provides, protects, preaches, and teaches his son how to be a man. A man provides, and I still don’t think of myself as much of one. And yet fatherhood, as I’ve said. Fatherhood is pivotal to manhood, though you can reverse that. I was B III’s leader. Inspector, it was him, though, following Braxton from the beginning to the end. Braxton was the first time I was not led by fear alone. I swear

And now I fear being a leader, a father, and a man again. But what about little Virgil Vivi? At the time, I felt my son’s spirit was leading me —such faith. But now I’m stuck, Dear Echo. I’m not giving up on Virgil. If anything, he keeps me from giving up existing. This leads me to the Day Job. How did I become the leader of a billion men? Or women, Ha-Ha. Don’t they say it’s better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven? Tell me, Inspector. Better yet, All-mighty, “Lord heavens above. I’m only human, after all.” I’ll bend the knee if you can lead me to my boy. Lead, Follow, or get out of the way!

Inspector Echo, if I am to lead you, know exactly who, what, when, where, and why I would want to. But it’s the how that always gets in the way. Yeah, that or “my” courage. Why do I read so much on Jacob Ralston, Grayson Price, and Eddie Hill? I could go on Inspector. Sometimes I wish I could be wholesome being thirty-nine… E-Day continues to haunt me in November. Anyway, I want to be a husband and father. Inspector, I want to lead a family, but I fear that time has come and gone. And B, my son? We would’ve been like Dennis and Domino Hof. I’d own a brothel, have a big studio, and write books. I’d lead someday. B LEAD It Virgil

1011 Days Without B III, Day 452 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 126 ~A Do B Virgil~

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“We gonna get you high.” Was Cypress Hill in my dream or an angel reminding me of how I felt when Braxton was here? Was it the new toys in the mail? The thought of some young lady. For once, I wasn’t just getting up. So, not a work day? A Do B Virgil

Saturday, November 4, 2023

Tale 126 ~A Do B Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Hell! If I Had A Million Dollars… But no, Lady Lunalesca, I’m just… I don’t know.

I’m up at 4:00 AM, well, 5:45 AM now. Could it be the endorphins, serotonin? Dopamine before the start of a horrible week? As Marvin Gaye sang “Sexual Healing.” The things you learn while looking up a nurse… Eri Harada. Just don’t look, Lunalesca. That’s what I tell myself when the alarm clock’s blaring when I’m bored or missing Braxton. I’m beginning to understand those people in the movie “Don’t Look Up.” Though it’s a lesson that bears repeating. AHEM, Ignorance Is Bliss. And again, I know next week, Lu. There will be Humiliations Galore, there will be, uh… hurt. I’m a horn dog, Lunalesca. But at this particular moment, as Balance says, I’m safe. But I’m also up, and why is that Lady Lunalesca?

If I had a dollar for every bad thing… I could avoid the worst thing. I can’t believe I was about to say the Day Job. No, the worst thing is losing Braxton. I wouldn’t have been at the Day Job if I had enough money. I wouldn’t have been Down With The Sickness.” And I would have noticed Braxton sooner. He’d survive. “Such mad hope, but there it is…” There is so much wrong with that statement. It’s stolen, and dog parents think it. Lunalesca, I’m determined to bring myself down. “I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad.” And even that is not meant to last. Yet why I feel this way is also a question, so what now, Lu? Do I want more of it or less, My Lady?

The last time I was drunk, Braxton was still alive. And I confessed about having no “relations” in this house. That wasn’t Braxton’s fault; he loved Yabbos. And getting high? “What’s My Age Again?” Nobody likes you when you’re 23… or 39. There’s always V? Only he woke up in Braxton’s Room because I’m not the person anyone should be around. Is that it? I didn’t go out yesterday, but I did Thursday. Still, I spent the majority of this week alone. And even then, I’ve had bad days. Less sugar, Lady Lunalesca? I’m not spending much on food. But what about new toys? Does it matter, Lunalesca? Being high? One always comes down. But Heaven? A Do B Virgil

1,007 Days Without B III, Day 448 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 124 ~B Pushing Virgil’s Buttons~

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People want a reset button. I don’t. I’ll wait for someone to push the wrong one, as I’m too lazy to play the game. And This Is America where even doors are an issue, Mr. Cruz. I try not to push people’s buttons, but B, V. B Pushing Virgil’s Buttons.

Thursday, November 2, 2023

Tale 124 ~B Pushing Virgil’s Buttons~

1005 Days Without B III, Day 446 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s only been seven hours, and I’m already counting today as a loss. Nothing new.

Speaking of which, “my” bank account. Not that we talked about that much, Little B. Every day, you had a roof over your head, a collar around your neck, food in your bowl, and… Ain’t that what you’re supposed to do? I’m your child. You had me. I didn’t ask to be here. Whatever happened to that video, Braxton? Were you even here during that? The things I need to give up. But no worries, B III, it will never be Virgil Vivi. He’s here. Still collarless… May I remind you how you’d sometimes get your nail stuck in yours? And with all the button pushing, getting your collar off was just the worst. Did I finally find something I would not like to repeat?

Hell! To me, that’s called breathing. This is one more reason this week’s been horrible. All the time in the world, Braxton. And what have I done with it? I just push a button, son. And as the song goes, “What A Heavenly Way To Die.” Or at least I can pretend a lot B. “When we pretend that we’re dead.” That is not a game Virgil likes to play. Then again, I’m at the dining room table while his pillow is in the wash. Vomiting. Not this again, B. Especially with how next week will be. Fear, Pain? I’ll never forget the one when you left me here all alone. Didn’t I say Virgil’s here… How do I forgive myself? Just push a button.

But not one of these buttons has the word LIVE on the front. And even if one did B III… There’s always the one that sends me right back to sleep. We’re approaching 9:00 AM. Before I try lying away, you know what begins in November. NaNoWriMo? Um, No F… And I already screwed that up. I should wear pants with buttons more often. Only, it’s never a good thing anytime I leave the house, except for running with your Aunt Carolina. I hope you’re checking in on her and the doctors. There are so many buttons to push I could never be one. Only I’m not much of a writer either. Because existing Braxton, without your button nose, really sucks. B Pushing Virgil’s Buttons

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 123 ~Getting A B, Virgil~

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If I’d earned a few… a lot of A’s, I’d have a grade A existence. Schools don’t have scholarships for zombie tales or HaremLit. And while I love my boy and took Virgil in, I hate Math. So much for my plans to be a vet. A writer? “Getting A B, Virgil.”

Wednesday, November 1, 2023

Tale 123 ~Getting A B, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. It’s not like I’m fooling anyone into believing I’m a righteous man. How about a writer or reader?

Today is the first day of NaNoWriMo, which WAS usually hard on Braxton and me. Usually, it means another unpublished book. And with two months out from E-Day. So, ten months away from being forty? I swear I thought I was afraid before Inspector Echo. Halloween was yesterday. And what spooky things did I do with the night, dear Echo? Well, I read Satan’s Sorority Girls 3. And wanted to break with Grayson and Julia. Frightening? Inspector Echo, you know November is the month guys say NO to specific activities. But yeah, I watched Halloween Havoc for the following reason. Say it with me, Inspector. YABBOS! I should have listened to Braxton. The best legs, breasts, and thighs come from a bucket of chicken, Inspector.

Then maybe, just maybe, I would have more energy to write. And more time, Inspector. Hell! I could have a new subject to write about. I get F’s in everything else. That is if I let people peruse it, got it published, and didn’t use it as a punishment device. Writing poetry and prose meant so much more once upon a time. Once I got out of school, that is. Was it only 2020 2021 that I figured it was the way out for Braxton and me to live? Ha-Ha! Braxton found his way out, but what about me? Selfish much? It is inevitable, Inspector. Indifference killed my boy because I had to keep my anger at the Day Job far away from him, always.

Then there was my stupidity. I bought some Halloween “cool devices” from a particular company this week. Did I mention how my monster of choice has always been the Dead?

And now I’m reading a bill on zombie toys. Doesn’t Virgil need more stuff, Inspector? And I could be looking up ideas for stories, but would they be published somehow? Inspector, if I want a good horror story, I could look at The Day Job. And all the things I need to sign up for to continue to be one of The Walking Dead. For V’s sake, sigh. And last night, I got a message from M Anime assuring me, “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone.” Not surprising. But my boys? Getting A B, Virgil.

1004 Days Without B III, Day 445 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will