Tag: Fifteen Million Merits

Tale 284 ~Virgil, Addictions Can B~

WillLeave a comment

I canceled the Balance App. It doesn’t mean I’m being kept from one of my addictions, sleep. And I’m being more of a slimeball today. Seeing how far into the future I’m writing. A week? If only writing was my addiction. Virgil, Addictions Can B.

Wednesday, April 10, 2024

Tale 284 ~Virgil, Addictions Can B~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. More than likely, I’ll face a police interrogation or a manager before my Olds, holy rollers, or doctors.

Would it help if I spoke poorly about B III? You know I’m one to pine away about my son. Braxton had three loves in his life. Should I call them addictions? Food, “my” bloodline. And like father like son, certain assets when it came to any company “invited” over. That’s a mouthful to say. Braxton liked girls. In particular, his aunt. Special K? Nah. Inspector, that was more for me. And trust me, we’ll get to women today. Unfortunately

But today is All About You. Is that what you’re telling me, Inspector? What’s today? Tuesday, April 2, 2024. And the second day of Camp NaNoWriMo. What have I done?

I’ve only dreamed of Braxton sleeping by my feet; as I said, writing is life.

I told him I was addicted to the idea of making a better life for us. Only what beat me?

In no particular order, Inspector:

  1. Excella Gionne ― Resident Evil 5
  2. Scarlet ― Final Fantasy VII
  3. Lady Alcina Dimitrescu ― Resident Evil Village
  4. Boa Hancock ― One Piece (Jahara Jayde Cosplay)
  5. Lulu ― Final Fantasy X

Honorable Mentions:
Tifa Lockhart ― Final Fantasy VII
Aerith Gainsborough ― Final Fantasy VII

A few days ago, Cherry asked me, “Is “Relations” all you think about?” Indeed, Inspector Echo. And don’t ask me how long it will be, “slightly older” women in formal attire, between reading about fancy Golds in Golden Son and then Jahara Jayde in cosplay.

Then, my usual book genre.

But even this is not my greatest addiction. What’s My Age Again? I’m nearly forty!!!
(Indiscernible verbal struggles.) Anyway, Inspector, this pathetic old man’s sleeping!

Today, like every other day, next to having Braxton back, I want to go back to bed. As if I ever left. And then I look at Virgil, who’s always sleeping. Following in my footsteps. Please! I don’t want Virgil getting sick all over the floor again. That’s me walking.

Inspector, I’m addicted to my grief, laziness, and genuine stupidity. But the worst of it? FEAR! Which is why I’m reading a book about courage? I hope I’ve finished, Inspector.

Failure is quite addicting as well. Like the touch of Braxton’s fur, the female form. Silence! Virgil, Addictions Can B

1165 Days Without B III, Day 606 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 277 ~Framing Virgil For Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

As I said last week, I hope I canceled Balance. I can’t blame Virgil if I lose $70.00, like I didn’t blame him for losing money to Audible. Now getting a bath at PetSmart… I’m a “good dad…” Yeah, ask Braxton about that one. Framing Virgil For Braxton

Wednesday, April 3, 2024

Tale 277 ~Framing Virgil For Braxton~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. I wonder if this week started any better than the one now. Time Travel, Wednesday, March 27, 2024.

At least today, the humiliation has been mine alone. Um? If anybody read our conversation. Now, I’ll share with you one of my lesser sins. Bet Virgil doesn’t think so.

My firstborn son, my soul dog, my Braxton, has been gone three long years. Nobody at PetSmart would remember his grooming sessions. But how many has Virgil had of late?

I don’t think of Virgil much, which is a crime in and of itself. But as I sat in the parking lot waiting for them to call, I thought this. “If they hurt Virgil, I’ll burn the whole place down.”

Inspector, the love… not quite yet. Instead, the courage, duty, and honor to protect Virgil. But the only heat Monday of last week was my embarrassment with my eagerness to see him Safe and Sound. At least, that’s what I want to say. My McDonald’s food was getting cold in the car. How selfish can I be, Inspector? Oh, we’ll get there, don’t you worry.

Inspector, speaking of humiliation, I remember Braxton running to me after getting groomed. Yes. He’d be mad, but I was his dad, and He’s My Son. And there was love.

Inspector, Virgil looked at me as if he didn’t know me at all. And I had to pretend I had all those fatherly feelings when I picked him up. There’s no loyalty, love… um, like?

Dante’s Inferno? Do you think Dante and Virgil were friends? What have I done, Echo?

That same ole question. Right?

I asked it that hot, sunny day in August as I first sat Virgil Vivi down in the car. I asked it when I picked up what was left of B III some afternoon in February. I asked it again on Sunday, January 31, 2021, when he was dying. But he wanted to come home with me. And I failed.

Where is my boy? Why, he’s right here in years’ worth of pictures to show that I’m a “good father.” I’m waiting to pick him up so I can ignore the flood that destroyed the floor Braxton walked on. The back fence that Braxton defended always. And the foolish one who is guilty of so many crimes that I get embarrassed by anything and everything.

Criminal! Framing Virgil For Braxton.

1158 Days Without B III, Day 599 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 270 ~V’s For Void, Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

I’m going to have to cancel Balance this week. And why not cancel gravity and fly straight to Heaven. I’m going to miss that Off to Neverland stratagem. And I should stop watching Helldivers 2. Anything to fill the void of time. V’s For Void, Braxton

Wednesday, March 27, 2024

Tale 270 ~V’s For Void, Braxton~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. And my latest, my greatest inspiration for sin is leaving my boy, my son, Braxton, devoid of life.

Hmm. That’s one more way of saying unaliving or committing the unthinkable, dear Inspector. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about doing that to myself. I swear.

There’s this motivational video I like to listen to called “Waking Up at 4:00 AM Every Day Will Change Your Life.” But by 5:00 AM, I was asleep and hoping I could be with B.

That’s what I call “it.” Because of censorship, critics, and Virgil lying on the covers. Anytime. It’s the desirable action of wanting to fill the void left by Braxton’s absence.

Inspector, that’s what I was reading about when I wasn’t wasting time… Uh! Let’s say… I was researching a UK slang term for “Relations.” Then I needed a nap… Then

Time Has Come Today, Ha-Ha!

Next to my heart, the biggest void in this existence is time. And I fill that with three things. My son, sleep, and things that have me squirming in bed slug-like Inspector. You know how…

I know, Eww! If I’m going to talk about that, I should write a story about it. Like somebody famous? But as I’ve been talking about Echo, I’ve been reading Healing Hearts and Golden Son. After that, I will return to reading Eric Vall and Logan Jacobs. How I do enjoy filling my head and my sweatpants with such nonsense. But you can look at the world, my dear Echo.

Space Junk seems more fitting than staying here another day. Into the blackness, to B.

Earth and water are indeed no prize. Oh, the ways I have tried to fill the void, Echo. Take, for example, the Alphabet. A for Archie, which was Virgil’s name before he came here. There is nothing between B and V. That’s Braxton and Virgil. And then W for writing.

When it comes to Earth, I’ve been watching a lot of Helldivers 2. I watch soldiers fight for “Super Earth” and gaming territories. While I struggle for real, trying to hold up the back fence.

How many times have I cried this week? How many times have I bothered to shower, Inspector? Then there’s the sweat when Virgil isn’t around, and AI tells me stories.

Existence should be null and void. V’s For Void, Braxton

1151 Days Without B III, Day 592 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 263 ~Virgil Won’t B Silent~

WillLeave a comment

What are the dead trying to say? I can see and hear Braxton everywhere. Meanwhile, Virgil… Well, I know he needs to go outside. But he won’t make a sound. The things we choose to hear. I listen to dead men, me and my boys. Virgil Won’t B Silent.

Wednesday, March 20, 2024

Tale 263 ~Virgil Won’t B Silent~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. Do I have time to make a list? It’s only 7:30 AM. Braxton’s gone, I’m afraid, The Matrix…

As the song goes, “First let me explain that I’m just a black man.” Nearly forty at that, Inspector. I’m getting old in the world, so I don’t hear so well. “When You Were Young?” Yeah, yeah, I hear you, Inspector. What I didn’t hear was Trinity from “The Matrix.”

“The Oracle told me that I would fall in love and that that man… the man that I loved would be The One.” The Matrix

I swear! I heard her say I would fall in love with a dead man. When it comes to my son, my Braxton. I have. He’s been gone 1144 days, and I haven’t stopped. Always and forever, Inspector. Please stop me before I go looking up every song about love. But if you want to know today’s song, it’s “Anyone Who Knows What Love Is.” You know, 15 Million Merits.

Love didn’t wake me up.

No, my dearest Inspector. It was fear—and not the fear of Virgil being sick again. My dream instead was simple. I was outside with Virgil, and this black cat I’d seen prowling around came at him. And I was paralyzed. Yet I quaked with fear for his young life.

Was it love when I heard him cry out to be saved? I’m surprised I heard him yelp at all.

That brings me to today. I may have heard Virgil’s call, but I always listen for B III. Well… except for when he needed me most. His voice, like my love, has only grown.

Madness! “Am I Wrong?” I hear Braxton in music. I see what he’d say in manuscripts. Dreaming on this mattress…

But I’ve never dreamt about Virgil until today when I was supposed to wake up…

Inspector, it could be so much worse. I dream about girls “laid” in all these books. The loaded-up binder and folder I once had of pinups and centerfolds. Girls lying on screen, ha-ha. Now they’re all on a flash drive or some hidden file. Because one living that wants me…

It’s better to have visions. There are many voracious fantasies online. Or let’s live to be victims of some zombie apocalypse so I can find one. Fewer options prove successful…

But not for V. I was dead when I found him, and now he dies. Not like that Echo, geez!

Both of us breathing, Inspector. Because Virgil Won’t B Silent.

1144 Days Without B III, Day 585 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 204 ~Same Ole B, V~

WillLeave a comment

Same time next year? I haven’t changed since the moment I watched my son die. I washed the hoody I would always wear… Damn, Root Beer! But B’s bed and a pair of his pillows are in the closet. And his favorite toy. He’d be 19, but the “Same Ole B, V.”

Sunday, January 21, 2024

Tale 204 ~Same Ole B, V~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror. And let’s consider the fact that you can face me as a win. That’s you being positive.

You won’t be having many more days like this. Oh, you’ll do plenty of time travelling in preparation of next week. Even now, I’ve spoken to Lady Sophia and Madam Justice. I’m speaking to you from Friday, January 19, 2024. Because yeah, Sunday sucks. Sunday hasn’t been the same since Braxton. Or any day that ends with the letter Y.

Saturday, January 20, 2024
“Every Day Is Exactly The Same,” as the song goes. I swear, yesterday, I was sitting right here. A bit later in the day, sure. There was a lie weighing on my conscience. But for now… I’ve started reading a new book. And as much as it pains me, I have admitted the lie, or I will with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 4, Eric Vall
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 017, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I’m gonna make a change… It’s more like I need to make a change. That is what I leave to you every Sunday. I’ll change the bedsheets before then. Or so I hope this afternoon. The changes that happen to me aren’t things I choose. Such filthy and disgusting things.

No, I don’t mean that. But for the record, the girl that broke me, “HK.” You’re a dirty old man. Hell! I could say the same thing about Braxton and his Aunt’s big boobs, remember?

Anyway, when I say filthy now… The very floor Braxton once walked has changed. Sigh.

His bed still rests in its place. Virgil has learned to avoid it. Three years without its original owner. And these same Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined… Epiphany, Imogen Linn?
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

At this time… three years ago, I was still quaking in my boots with fear. Gospel 204 ~Will Looks Past Tit~. One of the last times I would talk to Dirty Diana. Dirty old man. Ridiculous! I didn’t know real fear until I was watching my firstborn son die. Hmm.

Saga 204 ~Spelling Virgil Without B~. Last year, I was no better. But that’s when you come in. It looks like I’m putting a lot of pressure on you. Uh! You’ll be the version of me that will have to talk to the murderer. After your week comes the worst day in all of existence. Think about it like Braxton changing. For better or worse? I can’t ask you to be… Same Ole B, V.

1085 Days Without B III, Day 526 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 197 ~Virgil, That’s Sick B~

WillLeave a comment

It’s sick when I’m actually sick. A real excuse? So I do what? I go to the Day Job because I’m an American*. I saw The Book of Clarence because I’m a Black American. And I forget meds because I’m surrounded by zombies. Virgil, That’s Sick B

Sunday, January 14, 2024

Tale 197 ~Virgil, That’s Sick B~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror. And I take full responsibility for you being… well, you. I swear I went shopping yesterday. And…

As far as being positive… You are still alive. And I’m talking about people being all over the place at the drugstore and Walmart. When you’re around other zombies, it’s hard to tell that you’re dead. Or at least I was playing the role well. You are The Walking Dead.

Yet, if you still feel this way tomorrow morning… You’re doing what Braxton did… “When we pretend that we’re dead?” You know when Braxton became silent? And then you knew he was sick. But then he pretended to need sleep. Plenty. Ended up with him sleeping forever. No medication could have saved B. Or so I was told. Sigh. Financially, I could have gotten you something, though. But now, sitting here with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Dog Love ― An Unbreakable Bond
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 011, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 017 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Are you as shocked as I am that you’re still hanging with number four? Seriously? The only sign that you’re getting better. Why else are some vices considered actual sicknesses? Between the ten bucks I wasted on OnlyFans… Bro, it was more that I liked breathing than some English lady’s “top shelf.” Cherry’s though? What A Heavenly Way To Die. Then there’s the fact that I fixed the computer. Okay, I changed versions, but dirty AI… And then there are reminders of all the “filing” needed in adult entertainment-wise. Ha!

That’s sick, bro. I mean, if you’re a certain kind of bro. And the two “men” I would consider my bros… Braxton’s my son. And Virgil Vivi wants to go back to bed. Who can blame him? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 4, Eric Vall
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 017, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

I should have added talking to someone… for real. If I had my pick, it would be B III, my son always and forever. And who better to know your predicament than your best bro?

But since you’re doing your best impression of Leonardo DiCaprio’s (Richard) “No, I Will Not Die Today!” You could go and see a doctor? There’s your congestion, burning nose, and aches and pains all around. My last few visits could have been better. Docs, Reapers…

“And though you fight to stay alive, your body starts to shiver.” Thank you, Michael. Anyway, Thriller won’t be on your morning routine playlist. For now, that’s Fifteen Million Merits and The Book of Clarence. Is Heaven better, Braxton? Virgil’s napping. Virgil, That’s Sick B

1078 Days Without B III, Day 519 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 191 ~Life Attracts Death, Vice Versa~

WillLeave a comment

Don’t Fear The Reaper, indeed. At this rate, I would use him as a matchmaker. Or as the finder of lost children. Geez! Now that’s dark. But I’ve been looking for my son going on 1072 days now. The box on the nightstand? Meanwhile, what’s on TV? Life Attracts Death, Vice Versa

Monday, January 8, 2024

Tale 191 ~Life Attracts Death, Vice Versa~

Three-Hundredth And Twenty-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice
Rules Are Made To Be Broken… (Shakes his head and shoulders vigorously and mutters “positivity.” Plays Fifteen Million Merits “I Have A Dream…”

You know me, okay? I have an utter obsession, fascination, and infatuation with the dead. Let’s leave the creepy factors out of this… Positivity. Now, first, I would say zombies. Madam, that was replaced on Sunday, January 31, 2021, with the death of my firstborn. After Braxton died, I thought of finding his reincarnation. Yeah, I’m still not speaking to “God.” But I’m not talking to Braxton through Virgil, either. He’s his own furry, ha-ha.

But after that. I would say, zombies. Being amongst the living helps me in noticing the dead. They’re my kind of people. That doesn’t sound very positive but look at it this way. If I couldn’t find my son in death, I’d like to come back as a virus, Madam.

Solanum, Wildfire, Rage? Some type of zombie virus. Hell! There are all kinds of death cults running around. One big one was on January 6th. But I’m not that desperate.

“People pontificate suicide is a coward’s act. Couldn’t be further from the truth. Suicide takes tremendous courage.” ― Cloud Atlas.

What I mean by this. To put it simply, I lack such courage. Yeah, and water sure is wet, too.

Now being the pop culture whore I am, I want to bring to your attention (sigh) the things I’ve been watching. The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes, The Mill, and Fifteen Million Merits. Or namely, the characters Coriolanus, Joe, and Bingham. Here, you have three living men who do what they must for love and lose the life they believe they want for what? They die, or a part of them does.

“My old self. I killed him so I could come with you.” ― The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes.

I don’t know if I’m trying to live or die. Really. You see, I don’t particularly appreciate saying the word “live” because I only exist. Here’s some more Pop Culture for you: JSS Survive Somehow. Or Endure and Survive. My obsession with death is overwhelming and overflowing. No wonder I seek out life like the Grim Reaper or a zombie seeking out FLESH. That’s, without a doubt, one of my Twitter lives. And the other? Save the country. Then there are all the lives I write about that don’t live. They’re going unpublished. Today, I talked to Braxton’s aunt about my ghost dog and being Virgil’s friend. Father? No, Braxton’s Daddy died along with his little boy. Without a doubt. Life Attracts Death, Vice Versa

1072 Days Without B III, Day 513 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 190 ~Tick Tock, B, V~

WillLeave a comment

Sometimes, I think B gave me his ears. One of the reasons I love headphones and earphones… damn Day Job. If I listened to the clock more, I could listen to THEM less or never again. But no, I’m listening to music, movies, the mirror. Tick Tock, B, V.

Sunday, January 7, 2024

Tale 190 ~Tick Tock, B, V~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror. So much to say after the first week of the new year. I’m glad you found time.

Well… no, considering we were supposed to be talking at 1:00 PM, not 1:47 PM. Yesterday’s steak must not have been so good. Hmm? If you’re lucky, you can find some chicken remnants. I’m sorry. You’re on this new thing about being positive. Or neutral. Let’s not say indifferent. That will bring up how Braxton died and Virgil’s treatment. Ha. That would all be my fault because this is time travel. Truth be told. You haven’t even been “born” yet per se. And you know what I really want to say about that but positive. Happy New Year! So how’s it going? How many did you get? I swear The Mill keeps bouncing around in my, well, your head. 15,000,000 Merits? And Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Naughty List, Ellie Mae MacGregor
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 004, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 011 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Oh, not those, but that song that was in the episode. The “I Have A Dream” song has been driving me bonkers. And if you were lucky enough to forget in about 10 hours… congratulations, you now have an earworm. But I had a revelation, an epiphany, if you will. While I was watching the clock, I thought about this. You’ve never heard this song until 15,000,000 Merits. And 15 is your favorite number. Braxton’s age before passing. Anyway, think about the chorus, “I believe in angels, something good in everything I see.” That’s what I’m doing, and you will as well. Braxton is the angel. And you’re trying to be positive. “I have a dream…” B’s dead. You’re asleep. So dreaming, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Dog Love ― An Unbreakable Bond
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 011, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Hell! Like finishing our conversation in under an hour? Tick Tock MotherEffer, am I right? What else can I be right about on a Saturday? Should we bring up Virgil, who also has a dream now? So, going back to The Mill and 15,000,000 Merits. Two black men are working towards a dead end, yet good things transpire. Bingham got off the bike and ended up in an apartment. Alone but flushed with merits? Hulu’s The Mill saw Joe Stevens speak to his wife and soon-to-be-born child. And he got promoted, though he threatened his job. And what about me soon to be you today? You dream The Impossible Dream. Hear the clock ticking? Towards what this week? I don’t know. Tick Tock, B, V

1071 Days Without B III, Day 512 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will