Saga 047 ~Language B To V~

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I’d say, love you B, love you, Braxton, I instead say later V, later Virgil. I let Virgil out as I go to shake B III’s bottles and call to him. I go running when I hear Virgil cry, but I don’t know what for. Better than ignoring B… “Language B To V.”

Wednesday, August 17, 2022

Saga 047 ~Language B To V~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but a trillion would be better. But who am I to talk about money? Speaking finance…

I should be learning dog. Um, the idea of that brings tears to my eyes this AM, to be honest. I spoke Braxton Barks Bradford for 15 years. And now there is Virgil Vivi Bradford. Inspector is that the name I’m going with. And why does it have to start with a V. Didn’t I say if I brought a “daughter” home, I would stick with B’s? Beatrice Belle Bradford? Only I couldn’t do that for another “son.” Is “Virgil” Braxton reincarnated? Keeping the faith… Anyway, back to name calling. I’ve been looking up V names, and Vivi came to me. As in Vivi Ornitier from Final Fantasy IX. Other name contenders are the following:

  1. Vivi
  2. Vader
  3. Valor/Valiant
  4. Victor
  5. Voodoo

With all this thinking comes another confession. I’ve spent more on women than on Braxton or Virgil. I swear August is not the month for me. And it’s only going to get worse with Existence/Emergence E-Day coming soon. Add Gotcha Day, Inspector. So I spent $150.00 on Virgil. Then take the $290.00 on Amazon to buy birthday gifts. Am I an idiot? Hell! I wouldn’t be lonely for an hour on the dreaded E-Day for that type of cash. Like the song goes, “All I wanted was to see her naked.” Yeah, that’s not going to happen anytime soon. Ask MILF Dos or Cherry. And how many “free” subscriptions do I have on OnlyFans? Not that I can think of that with Virgil around now.

It’s only been four days. How long did it take me to learn about Braxton? Well, he had three other people, but Virgil only has me. “May God be with you all,” meaning us both. I’ve often said that I stopped talking to God after losing my son. Now I task my Virgil to see me through this Hell that I call existence. No pressure for the little guy, Inspector. Veni, Vidi, Vici, “I came; I saw; I conquered!” That might make an excellent name to be honest. But what do you think, Inspector? If anything, I’m getting ideas for a new book to write. Anything to avoid talking to Virgil, like learning his language. To explain all this to Braxton… Language B To V

“Try as I may, I don’t know these men… their music, their camaraderie– which is different from ours. I am placed in a position where, if l were a man of real strength… I might do a great deal. But I am afraid I shall show that I’m not of much account. I don’t want to stand in their way because of my own weakness.”

563 Days Without B III, Day 004 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 046 ~To B Single V~

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This time last week, I never imagined I’d be in this position… In love? I can’t say that. Nor can I say I like the hacking every time I pick Virgil up. And I don’t know where we’re going to land since it’s only been three days. But, To B Single V, um

Tuesday, August 16, 2022

Saga 046 ~To B Single V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now… well, depending on what state we’re living in. Then throw in kids, life? I’m not broke.

But no matter what I do, why do I still feel that way? It’s like having the old Day Job. Insult? Um yeah, so I apologize. That place was only eleven years of sheer Hell and is nothing like fatherhood. Yet both are still scary as fuck… pardon my French. One I chose, and the other filled me with regret. And how did I feel the day after? One, two, and we’re going on three. One, I check to make sure he’s still breathing. And the other, (sigh). When THEY talk about love, THEY say your heart stops, your knees get weak, and you must catch your breath. Falling in love? But my former Day Job versus what I do now. Do I miss it?

Being single, I mean? To be alone. Right now, I’ll tell you what I miss. Sleep! It’s been a while since I’ve listened to my motivations. But I recall what Eric Thomas said, um yeah. Some of you love sleep more than you love success. Sleep, success… never forgetting sex. Because I love you. And I would never give you up to be single again. No, nope, never, oh no. So I leaped at the Day Job. That was what I was supposed to do. Men love their families. And now, I have this furry little one I have let into the house because I like him? Is that it? Only three days ago, my heart, the Hell I’ve been through? What is happening, love?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZQkWUaHLn8

How I’ve been afraid for the past 562 days that hardening my heart would result in me being single again. I lost my boy. I lost Braxton. Did you think I would go a day without saying his name? Never forget! You can see how tired I am carrying Virgil. Hell! How long did I carry Braxton? That’s what I was thinking last night as I carried Virgil downstairs. I am a man, my love. I had to be strong enough to carry myself out of this bed and to the Day Job for long. Growing stronger to carry you over the threshold. You carried lives into this world, love. I love you, and I would not trade a single second. Yet Virgil makes me wonder. To B Single V.

562 Days Without B III, Day 003 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 045 ~To Win Someone Must Fail~

WillLeave a comment

Then I must lose have you not been watching. But of course, everyone loves a winner. And here I am in the “middle” of life, mourning the furry kid I had in my twenties. And now there’s the new guy. Is he winning or losing? “To Win Someone Must Fail.”

Monday, August 15, 2022

Saga 045 ~To Win Someone Must Fail~

Two-Hundred and Fifty-Third Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, but who might I have left broken-hearted? What little boy or some little girl? And my brain?

If anything, what about Braxton? I wonder how B feels about this. Even now, I keep hoping he is B reincarnated, and I make up reasons, one after the other, Madam to believe. “Such mad hope, but there it is,” as they in 300. Do I see more of Braxton in him or on him, “My” little Virgil? It’s only day 002 but do I feel like a winner? Virgil from a loving home? Because I feel sick now. I’m barely able to eat. I mean eight shrimp and a bag of gummy bears. I’m ready to spill my guts as we speak. I don’t feel good. Stomach flip-flops. Heartbroken once again, or was it my brain that made this decision? The winner, the loser…

I can’t imagine that Virgil is feeling like much of a winner. Madam, I said it’s only day 002. But he hacks up a storm whenever I pick him up and place him somewhere. He stops after a few minutes, but it’s scary. I’d know what to do if it were Braxton, but Virgil? Hell! He is what I get for my failure with B III. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but afraid. We’re both failures in our own right. Or should I say someone failed him, and now what am I supposed to do? I was sitting in the car Saturday thinking, myself a failure, and then I was sitting there with Virgil. I’m sitting in bed thinking about who I was Friday…

“You want to see a man? That’s a man.” I was winning, which is sad considering how I felt then. At least it was only me suffering, Somehow dragging Virgil into this. That’s no good. Well, the Rebeccas feel like winners. They found a dog a home. Do Virgil or I think that at this moment, Madam? If anything, we’re both scared out of our minds, and that’s no good. I’m sure my eyes are enjoying the waterworks. I haven’t cried this much since Braxton. PetSmart will be making some money too. My whole existence has been that of failure for others to win. And should I fail Virgil, what would that make me? No different than any other day. To Win, Someone Must Fail

561 Days Without B III, Day 002 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 044 ~You’ll B My Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’ve cried a bit and wanted to vomit. Virgil’s cried once and has hacked anytime I’ve touched him. We didn’t eat dinner, and both of us got fences up. Well, one is blocking the stairs. He’s yet to approach mine. How’d Dante do it? You’ll B My Virgil.

Sunday, August 14, 2022

Saga 044 ~You’ll B My Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you? Well, what are you, not exactly a father or a friend? Fuck-up? A dog owner?

Now let’s be clear, considering this is something I did yesterday. So yeah, this is my fault. And you’re living with the consequences of my actions. Literally! A dog is living in the next room, scared to death. You’re in the same state. I owe you a huge apology even after I said this yesterday:

“Dogs aren’t things… One of them could be my best friend, a reason, a second born. I doubt I’ll find them today, Lady Lunalesca, but there’s always a chance. Except that I have no money. I haven’t been this scared in a long time.” Saga 043 ~Go Big Or B~

Here I go spending $150 on a Chihuahua mix. Sweet Buttery Jesus, what have I done? Not Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Until we Meet Again
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Finishing Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 017 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 024 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I read these things every single week, as you will and what happens? Nothing! Now I want to go all Jennifer Lawrence, a.k.a. Tiffany Maxwell screaming, “but if it’s me reading the signs!” That’s what I did in my head at PetSmart yesterday while texting Braxton’s Aunt. First, there were the colors. I had a thought that said Braxton couldn’t make this more black and white for me. And Virgil has flecks of brown around his face that got to me, ha. Now I’m no numerology expert but let’s do the math. Virgil is one year and six months. That’s 545 days, give or take. B III died on January 31, 2021, 13 days from his 16th birthday. Meaning Virgil’s Birthday… Monday, February 15, 2021. Oh, and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing, Still To Be Determined
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Finishing Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 024 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Speaking of the impossible. You haven’t had Virgil a full 24. You’re still trying to convince yourself. Ok, reincarnation, 15 days. Braxton was 15 years old. Is this a coincidence? Braxton had a heart murmur; Virgil’s been treated for having heartworms. Braxton wasn’t eating or drinking at the end; I have not seen Virgil eat or drink anything since he arrived. He’s been quiet, laying on Braxton’s pillow. Note; he’s going to need a bed and a collar. I couldn’t get his harness back on, and the collar they gave was too small. Taking him outside, I used B’s oldest one. Fit like a glove, but sacrilege, if anything. And you just want to cry and possibly vomit. But he’s here. You’ll B My Virgil.

560 Days Without B III, Day 001 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 043 ~Go Big Or B~

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THEY say, “Go Big or Go Home.” I’ve always wanted to go big like the emu girl, a famous writer, or chicks with huge Yabbos. To be honest, staying here with B III was, as Moses put it, “All I Ever Wanted.” Now how is less becoming more? “Go Big Or B.”

Saturday, August 13, 2022

Saga 043 ~Go Big Or B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now like Seong Gi-hun, but at the moment, I could use $670.00, to be honest. And more…

Well, B is quite a lot, thank you very much. I’ll always love him, and I like dogs but Lu. All this week, I’ve been dealing with my “father.” So when it comes to big dogs, like Left Ear said, “I had. A bad. Experience. Damn it.” Hell! I’m starting late, and stuff’s already shit. But dogs aren’t things… One of them could be my best friend, a reason, a second born. I doubt I’ll find them today, Lady Lunalesca, but there’s always a chance. Except that I have no money. I haven’t been this scared in a long time. Are my chills from that fear or the A/C that got repaired? If Braxton were here, it was for him. But me, I’d rather burn.

And that’s what I have been doing moneywise. I’ll have to buy a new book soon. For most of yesterday, I was busy catching up with “Until we Meet Again” by Sarah-Jane Farrell. A bit of wisdom here or there in so many words. But words matter, Lady Lu, you know. Money matters. All these books talk about looking for the signs and such. What was it, a couple of days back? I found all this change when I parked the car. What there was turned out to be enough to help me buy chicken nuggets and some fries. Braxton? Little things like that to show he’s looking out for me? Then again, how much am I spending on all the big things I want?

Last night I had a dream that I had broken… “Wet Dream?” Nope, only the fact that I had given up. What is it about Ayana of “Yellow Star.” Or Whitney Wright, or lusting for huge boobs? But speaking of Whitney Wright, I’m back on her OnlyFans for free, A sign, ha. A little word, a big dick, and I’m trying to remain in the middle. To have a sort of balance, I suppose. I swear one day, I will write down every single reason I miss my little boy. I couldn’t do that with the two books I have written (sigh). Lazy, Depressed, Here? I write so I can stay “HOME….” Lady Lunalesca, B was small. I’m trying to be. Go Big Or B

559 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 042 ~How To B Broke~

WillLeave a comment

I wonder how much one of my books would make? Delusions of grandeur, it seems, with the thought of millions. Hell! I’d settle for how much this week, around $670. What am I complaining about? The A/C works, and it was more to box up B. How To B Broke

Friday, August 12, 2022

Saga 042 ~How To B Broke~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, or I would be if I stopped thinking about my boy, her boobs, or my balls.

Talk about titles for new books. But it wasn’t writing, my raison d’etre, that got me up this AM. As usual, it was the FEAR. And on day 558, Braxton’s not here saving me. Didn’t I write two whole books about this? I complain that I have Republican tendencies. But yes, I’m also a writer. I never edit. But I’m always moving on to the next book to write. Yet even now, as I talk to you, I have to look at the phone with dread. Reading that my “father” is on his way. As I said yesterday, I rather burn. The betrayal of my son should be cool enough, all ninth circle and all. A Dante story? Beats me being broke right now.

Or in an hour or so. Still, to my everlasting shame. I didn’t want to spend money on Braxton when he was here. Sure the dog food was a bit more, and hot dogs were hot dogs, right? What about a new water filter? I’m no doctor, but our kidneys clean us out? Oh, B’s; the shit that must have been in his system. I told him the price yesterday to figure out what was going on and what led to me putting him in a box. Yes, there was my indifference towards him those days. There was also my greediness, rage, such hatred. My Lady, I was broke in spirit and had nothing left for my son. I paid the price for his death.

This is what I cling to now after what I did yesterday. “THEY” wanted to charge me $500 for new specs, the car. Hell! What couch doesn’t cost more than $500 these days? Wow! Only I paid MILF Dos how much to see her naked? OnlyFans girls would hate me because, as Wheeler Walker Jr. puts it. “Hate the movies on the internet. I prefer the personal shit,” amen. I’ve seen my second BFF’s boobs. Then there was Cherry, or I tried. M Anime? Sophia, her B-Day is coming up. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have an ulterior motive for shopping. So between getting fucked and hoping to, that’s around $670. So with my Day Job FUCK! How To B Broke

558 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 041 ~Bills… B Ain’t One~

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New A/C fix… God knows, but my father will be calling me today. Celebrating, helping, enticing a friend… $250 to $500. Um? Putting my best friend in a “doggie bag” $779.56. Not counting a can of dog food, two chains, and frames. “Bills… B Ain’t One.”

Thursday, August 11, 2022

Saga 041 ~Bills… B Ain’t One~

557 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I hate to tell you this, but my day starts with my son is dead.

Did God ever think that? Does it keep him/her/it up at night? Well, instead, in my case, it makes me drift off like a baby. I doubt I’d gotten any shuteye if it wasn’t that thought. Which explains why I’m dressed and sitting on the loveseat instead of naked in bed. Braxton, do you know the price on your handsome little head? From Jan 29 to Jan 31, 2021, it was $779.56. If it’s any consolation, most of those were tests and keeping you alive “Another Day.” God, I hate those words. But it’s been a while since I’ve felt this horrible. No offense to women. And trust me, we’ll get to that. But it’s that “time of the month” for me, B. August, September, “Gone Till November.” FUCK ME!

To which your granddad says, “my pleasure.” Only this isn’t his fault. Hell! He didn’t charge me anything with the water heater but the A/C. I’d instead burn. Beats Treachery. M Anime would say, “I rather not.” And yet I’m going to spend tons on her birthday, Braxton. Why’s that? (In Jeff Wright’s voice) “you know why!” I should masturbate. Usually, I wouldn’t say things like that out loud. Killing you was the ultimate; you’re in trouble, so go to your room. One of the reasons I kept my hand out of my pants before. 161 days you didn’t see that after you passed, but I’m sure you know me better these 557 days gone. I’m the one in trouble now, according to the paycheck.

Let this spur me on to writing greatness. Or so, that’s what you believed. When you would sit under the dining room table waiting for me to finish yet one more novel. I’m sorry, B. You know where I’ll be today. I’ve already wasted a decade of this existence. What’s one more year, right? Hurt, Humiliations Galore, and if I’m lucky, being human. Your human. One that’s been looking for a new drug, because if it ain’t your love, or jerking off. And I’m staying far away from the drawer you rest on. Still saving me B. I look elsewhere. Cheap painkillers? It does take the edge off Triple B. Less than Triple X, zeros, days, and missing you. The Price. Bills… B Ain’t One.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 040 ~That’ll B The Day~

WillLeave a comment

When I call, as I have been for 556 days and my little boy comes running down the stairs, that’ll be the day. The day I die from seeing a ghost? How about being an author, an “adult film star,” or not always angry? Yeah, right, That’ll B The Day

Wednesday, August 10, 2022

Saga 040 ~That’ll B The Day~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but most of my brethren seem aggressive and adversarial. Assholes, for the most part. But Happy?

When was the last time I woke up like that? Hell! When was the last time I woke up and was glad to be alive? It wasn’t now. I woke up at 1:40 AM. I’ve fought the clock since. Ha! The last time I woke up healthy was January 11, 2022. What happened that afternoon… Now Happy and I parted ways, God knows when. But the last time I got out of bed with love… Well, Braxton was here. And since then, a day hasn’t gone by where I was glad to get out of bed. Ok, so that’s a lie but waking up with a real reason. If you took this moment right now. I’d get up to protect B. Now I’m being punished.

And that’s not only because my dick is hard. 161 days in mourning? Well, 20 so far since I stopped again. Not mourning but jerking. Cherry asked why. Addicted? Affectionate? Well, more the lack thereof. I don’t know if we ever talked about this before… What, my “Daddy Issues?” Oh! I have plenty of those but my issues, having a son of my own. Onlyfans? Yeah, that happened after B III’s death. I still don’t like to be touched. But having eyes on me, feeling some sort of warmth. To be who, what, even where I am in this existence. I even stopped talking to “Dirty Diana” to have talks with B III, Inspector. The day I give up sex like M Anime, though… Never!

That’ll be the day, like the one when it’s morning. And I’m not wishing I was dead? Such dangerous words, Inspector. The only reason I bothered getting dressed. There’s danger. And that’ll be the day I can stay naked all day or make more than eight bucks, showing off the “goods.” More like whenever I publish one of my books. And I’m at the table now. That’ll be the day. When I’m sitting here with “my” family. As I once sat with my little boy B. My father was here yesterday. The A/C is still busted. Anyway, with B III’s ashes around my throat and his picture. He says this. “You’re not ready for another dog?” He’s not ready for another son. That’ll B The Day

556 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 039 ~Where We’ll B Escaping~

WillLeave a comment

Didn’t I speak last week about Treachery? I haven’t betrayed a woman, my crappy Day Job, or my country. What, I’m not a “Trumptard.” Anyway, today required making several moves, and not one of them is leading back to bed. Where We’ll Be Escaping

Tuesday, August 9, 2022

Saga 039 ~Where We’ll B Escaping~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should be pretty good at escaping. An armory, bunker, tickets to non-extradition nations…

This week I’ve been reading, well… 21% of this book, “Until we Meet Again.” Of course, there’s a chapter talking about “escaping” grief. More so, the impossibility of doing such. Now to be clear, I don’t want to. Ok, It’s been 555 days since B III. Not long enough, love. Only I envy him. You can take that however you want. And It could be the fact that the A/C is all screwy. You know I prefer the heat to the cold any day. What I’ll have to do to fix it… Anyway, I woke up this morning, and as with most things, they tie back to my son. Braxton would be hiding under the bed because it would be cooler. In bed all day…

Well, as I said, B under it. But I’d like to stay in bed. I’m reminded of the Day Job, my “Dad,” and whatever the Devil has in store for me. But to escape with B, my son my dog. Nope! These days it’s always about my dick. And you’re asking me, well, what’s wrong with that? My desire, my delight, my darling? As the song goes, “but we’re not making love no more. We’re not even trying to change.” I know. It’s only me who’s changing. Or I did. I can’t anymore. There’s nowhere to go. There’s nowhere to be without my B. Hell! I have you, I want to croon out: “there’s nowhere on earth that I’d rather be than holding you tenderly.”

Music and me, such is my escape. And to keep it going … “If I lay here if I just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world?” Because where is there to go, I’ll ask? I could get up and be the dad I want to be with our children. Work on making more. My business today is nothing like the Day Job. What gentlemen wouldn’t enjoy this life? Didn’t I finish writing a book? Only it’s no different than the one I’m reading. All about dead fur babies again. I don’t mean to be harsh, but that’s the thing. I might as well appreciate the heat. Because Treachery is one cold as ice sin. But, Where We’ll Be Escaping.

555 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 038 ~Lesser Gods Mean Richer “Prophets” ~

WillLeave a comment

I had a Christian phase. Gone are the days I “believed” in men. And yet I bend the knee to my Dad, my dirtiness, and most of all, the Day Job. It was worth it to kneel and pat my son’s head. The little god he was. Lesser Gods Mean Richer “Prophets.”

Monday, August 8, 2022

Saga 038 ~Lesser Gods Mean Richer “Prophets” ~

Two-Hundred and Fifty-Second Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. And I should continue to do whatever made me those billions, right? My boy B, Boobs, Books?

Not that I ever thought to make a profit off of B. So why have I written two novels about Braxton? Two unpublished stories, I’d say. I haven’t opened the second one since I “finished” it. I hate the idea that a picture is worth “1000 Words.” Need more pictures? Only that would have cost me time, now wouldn’t it, Madam? Fifteen years wasn’t enough? Oh, there’s the expense of it all. I keep going back to the value of cash more than my son. And then I talk this big game of how I would have died for him. But how much of my life did I give to him? My personal brand of heroin, my own “Personal Jesus.” I was “Losing My Religion.”

And I don’t blame the Yabbos for once. Hell! How much money have I saved in the past two weeks? What if we only count today? The investment I made so many years ago. No, not the publishing contract; we’ll get to that. But “The Big One,” to quote GTA V. My permanent slice of TLC “Tits, Lips, and Clits.” To a company that would play god to a certain extent. I haven’t put down my cash this week. Madam, I am weak, being honest. Because I’m no saint, no prophet. I am a sinner looking to make a profit. Isn’t that what today is all about? When you make the object of your devotion lesser than yourself, you can go, “Dollar dollar bill, y’all.”

So is that why I “worship” my Day Job like something out of ancient Egypt… king of kings, god of gods? I swear I have given everything to make some prophet rich. I know it. I sacrificed my firstborn son on the altar of that fucking job. Ignorance, insanity, inevitable. I’m spending what pittance I make not on my puppy but my playthings, pleasures, penis. What about my actual work? Rule #3 “Now The Work Can Begin,” but it never does. As the godhead that I would make myself out to be, does what, Madam? Sits naked in all his glory in bed, cursing the prophets that say this is the American Dream. Believing less in Braxton, Books, “Bitches, man.” Lesser Gods Mean Richer “Prophets”

554 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will