Tag: Breathe

Meditation 061 ~Soon, Virgil, Imma B~

WillLeave a comment

Will I be busy today? I should have been busy for forty years. I never wanted to see twenty-one. But then, for fifteen years, I was Braxton’s father… Can I not talk about my son? Anything beats worrying about the next seven days. Soon, Virgil, Imma B

Saturday, August 31, 2024

Meditation 061 ~Soon, Virgil, Imma B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Or I’m gonna be. Now… I’ve been saying that (ish) going on thirty-nine years, Lady Lunalesca.

But in seven days, I’ll be going through a transitional period. I’ll be evolving, Lunalesca.

I’ll be leveling up. I’ll be better when I’m older… No. I won’t be the greatest fan of my son’s life. Not today, sorry, Braxton. And not for the rest of the week, Dear Lunalesca.

Because, come this time next week… I’ll be forty. Lunalesca, I shouldn’t be forty. Or? To be honest with myself, I shouldn’t be awake and alive. But Luna, I’m a be existing. How terribly sad.

The second worst decision I ever made. The first is B’s Euthanasia. Was that bad? Again, this isn’t about my son this week. I can’t help myself. I miss B, and for some inane reason, I keep breathing. Forty years of breaths. What a waste!

Since I was thirty-six, most of them have been with the thought,… I’ll join Braxton. Lunalesca, can I not keep my son’s name out of my mouth? And what about Virgil? I swear I got into an argument with the veterinarian the other day. When it came to ordering Virgil’s medication, I asked for Braxton’s first. Uh! Not that he needs meds. My Ma, though.

She could have popped some pills, and I wouldn’t be here. But as I blame myself for Braxton’s “passing.” I blame myself for my existence. I’m a be here Lunalesca.

Inevitably? Immortality? Insanity? Maybe I’ll tell you how I would spend the perfect E-Day this time next week. Um, Lu, it would, of course, be bathed in all my Immorality.

Am I still going on about Madoka Araki’s “Maid Scene?” And thinking about an incredible set of “Melons” from across the pond. I’ll be making a mess at this rate.

Lunalesca, you have to know I hate talking about myself… Did I really say that? Lunalesca, it’s only that I’m an old man. It’s too late to say or ask what I will be someday.

Please, no motivational speeches today, Lady Lunalesca. What am I going to be this coming week if my Olds don’t call and I don’t go to join Braxton, Lunalesca? Waiting…

Sunday, I should talk about endings. What will be my “last” rule on Monday? Tuesday and Wednesday are done. Thursday is for Braxton. Friday, books. Busy? Soon, Virgil, Imma B

1308 Days Without B III, Day 749 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 055 ~STAY Braxton, Virgil’s ALIVE~

WillLeave a comment

Sunday, August 25, 2024

Meditation 055 ~STAY Braxton, Virgil’s ALIVE~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And before I get into the minutiae of your existence, remember this above all else. STAY ALIVE!

You have two weeks starting today. And no, this is not about your little sister. But if you’re still here for her birthday… How will you feel? Again, it doesn’t matter if you STAY ALIVE!

I worried about the little things yesterday. Cleaning the toilets and clocking some names. And, of course, your sons, Braxton and Virgil. And what about Braxton’s Aunt and her Gabe… If there is a silver lining about this “Time of the Season,” it’s this. For once, as the song goes, “Today is all about you.” It will be for these next two weeks. You’ll remember…

“Make them REMEMBER WHAT FEAR TASTES LIKE!” Freddy vs. Jason

You’re always afraid, and it will grow like your excuses for abdicating Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Bikini Dawn By Michael Dalton
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Are you becoming like Cherry and using your “test-worthy” words? Don’t get started on her. But comedy comes in 3’s. And this morning, it’s been Araki Madoka, Jasmine Teaa. And now Cherry. If anything, “adult fodder” is unlimited. Add Kaneda Maiko to the mix. Giggty!

The big things, as in Yabbos. Don’t you wish the love you should have for yourself was as GIGANTIC as those ladies’ Yabbos? At this rate, the last thing on your mind will be some girl. Tyrion Lannister had it right about being 80. And you’re halfway there, friend. Ha-Ha!

Not funny. None of this is. And yet, 1302 days ago, you asked Braxton to stay for you. For this? Another year older, a week failing at Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 13 Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

But right now, you are alive, trying to avoid doing something STUPID. Virgil is right here, so that means you can look but don’t touch… And if you weren’t right here, what would happen to him? You live more for one boy’s memory than another boy’s next breath. The difference between Braxton and Virgil. Much like dreaming last night. Eww!

Last night’s nightmares, I swear. For the record, those secrets I feared sharing… While I may have a particular interest in Nerotare. Futanari is a “Hard Limit.” Last night… Weird.

These next two weeks will be filled with horror because next to Braxton’s last breath, your next breath is the worst thing. So why am I asking you to STAY ALIVE? STAY Braxton, Virgil’s ALIVE.

1302 Days Without B III, Day 743 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 054 ~Good Night, B, V~

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A Nightmare On Elm Street, Invasion of the Body Snatchers, and Captiva… Uh… Don’t look up Captiva. But, the idea is not to sleep. I think about B III all day, and if I sleep, I have nightmares and then wake up to another day. “Good Night, B, V.”

Saturday, August 24, 2024

Meditation 054 ~Good Night, B, V~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… And what do billionaires dream about? Instead, what resides in their nightmares? Losing, Less, Level money…

We don’t all lose Ducketts the same way Lady Luna. We don’t all give “The D” to the same woman… (Snickers). I still have my thing for brunettes and dark-haired ladies. And you remember there was a time when I was really into Asian women. There’s this one nowadays… Okay, I need to shut up. I’m well aware we don’t all dream the same way.

Lunalesca, we don’t all lose a dog the same way. My son Braxton. His Aunt is mourning her son Gabe. For her, the nightmare has just begun. But for me? I live my Braxton’s loss.

So last night, Braxton did not appear in “my” nightmares. The worst day in existence.

Dear Lunalesca, instead, I dreamed of “The Horror, The Horror.”

What “My” Mind Finds Scary:

First, there were the sirens somewhere in the night. I dreamt the police were looking for me. Or rather, a podcast that must have had all my confessions of evil. If you want to see what a sinner I am, how skeevy and sick, check my X/Twitter page. Which leads me to my second nightmare. Looking up “stuff & thangs at the Day Job. I’ve never done that, Lunalesca. But I did get my Ma in trouble once at her job… Third, was losing ladies…

https://twitter.com/@WillsWants

There was losing Special K, “The Maid.” And there was this mom who once modeled for me. But of course, she’s a “good woman.” My last nightmare was about secrets. So many in forty years…

And that’s the thing, Lady Lunalesca. I’m turning forty soon. The thought of it now brings tears to my eyes. I could be crying over my Braxton. Can I spare a tear for Virgil? Hmm.

Braxton’s Aunt lost her furry son. But no. I’m selfish, scared, and slumming my existence. And as I told Braxton’s Aunt last night. I’m either up all night zoned out. And then I find out it’s 1:30 AM. So when I cut out the lights, I sleep. But I don’t rest, Lunalesca. I can’t, Lu. To put it simply, I’m consumed by fear and anxiety.

And I wish that, at the very least, next week would be a time of rest and relaxation. Rutting? Lunalesca.

I won’t be. Fear over the phone. My Olds. Other things… Good Night, B, V.

1301 Days Without B III, Day 742 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 048 ~Braxton Plans Vigils Virgil~

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So what are my plans? I didn’t plan on sitting at the Dining Room table, but I am. I didn’t plan on finding an episode of an “anime.” But I did. I never planned on B III passing. Then there’s M Anime’s birthday. My E-Day… Braxton Plans Vigils Virgil.

Sunday, August 18, 2024

Meditation 048 ~Braxton Plans Vigils Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And despite having no physical ailments at the moment other than being “aroused.” You’re not looking good.

Wow! What a way to start off such A Beautiful Morning friend. At least it’s not raining, so Virgil can go out. And hopefully, he won’t leave a mess in the house. I didn’t prepare you for that, sorry. What, buying more shrimp and some baby back ribs wasn’t enough? Probably not. And again, you have this ball of white fluff sleeping beside you. Sigh.

That only gives you more time to grapple with the loss of Braxton. Oh! And say Happy Birthday to M Anime. You wonder how old she is today. She’s somewhere in her late thirties. So, no wonder I’ve been into the “motherly collection” of adult entertainment lately. Seriously, big Yabbos!

But with Virgil here, you climbed out of bed and cried over Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Morning Star By Pierce Brown… Please Effing, Finish The Story!!!
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Well, that is a lie. A little after 7:00 AM, you were grappling with your upcoming E-Day. God, Forty! You need to make arrangements and plans. A dream would help. But Where Is My Mind?

Last night, I dreamed about a bag of luggage, a symbol of the baggage we carry… in life. Perhaps. You were halfway tempted to check the closet downstairs for the exact bag. Yeah, this morning hasn’t started off too well for you. Do they ever?

You wonder how Braxton did it. Like father, like son, B lived in “perpetual mourning.” That’s why his happiness, horn-dog attitude, and helpfulness were more… pronounced. I couldn’t take that from him, nor would I ever try. But I would walk in, and Braxton’s day?

Ruined? Again, that’s another lie. Like doing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Bikini Dawn By Michael Dalton
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

B mourned, but he made me better. He made the world a better place. He would bark out that the world better watch out for me. And for you? What is your plan this week?

Inevitable. Point, Blank, Period. Endure And Survive… You Are The Walking Dead. I’m sure Cherry asked herself why I went on a rant about Vampires and Zombies. And the Infected versus the Undead. Anyway, you make plans for a future you will never see. Braxton…

Braxton, your zombie apocalypse partner, is gone. And you can’t see past your next E-Day. Hell, you can’t see past Tsubaki Miyajima’s Yabbos. Or Jasmine Teaa’s, M Anime’s, or Cherry’s… You break, bury, and get better. Braxton believed you’d get better. Braxton Plans Vigils Virgil.

1295 Days Without B III, Day 736 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 047 ~Obsession Without B, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

What do you call someone obsessed with sleep? Clinomania, Hypersomnia, Orthosomnia? And how about someone who is so in love with dying… Well, I’m not saying that word. Obsessed with Yabbos. Days of research. Obsession Without B, Virgil

Saturday, August 17, 2024

Meditation 047 ~Obsession Without B, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… So, “If I fall short. If I don’t make the grade…” Is that today’s song, Lunalesca?

Yesterday, it was “Love me when I’m gone.” Only the one who would do that has already passed. My son Braxton. “You always hurt the one you love,” right? Again, Braxton is in a box on the nightstand. But what about Virgil? Hell! What about me? I’m being a meanie. I’m consumed by guilt. Always…

How so? Again, it was yesterday. I was working with the Visual Lady. And while I’m ashamed of what I’ll do for a pretty face and a fantastic set of Yabbos, Melons, Milkers… I swear we’re going to get to those Lunalesca. Anyway, she wasn’t enough to make me risk my existence. But then I thought about my son. Falling and dying? I join B.

So I stood on those shelves at the Day Job hanging up the new signs, and ta-da … I LIVED!

Luna, I am not obsessed with life but with death. I need only wait until my fortieth E-Day, and I’m sure my Olds will oblige. Talk about my obsession with my approaching E-Day? No, this is more of a worry.

I’m obsessed with my son, sleep, and slumming it, says the “man” in the house his Olds paid for. I have yet to see the plethora of bills and the sins I indulge in Lunalesca.

Obsession? “I’m just a sucker for pain.” And let us remember the music, Lady Lunalesca. Only that has taken a backseat to everything else going on. Besides missing my boy and breaking a shelf, which would have sealed my doom, What about writing a book? I haven’t worked on Sofía’s Nightmare. In a traditional sense…

Copious Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights!

I swear Lunalesca, B reminds me of the strangest things. My son was/is a good man, but that didn’t stop him from cuddling up with his Aunt’s Yabbos. I’m sure he and Gabe have found some angels with nice pairs to cuddle up with and sleep. B III, watching today… I feel his absence keenly.

I hope he hasn’t been watching me for several days with what I’ve been up to lately… An Author’s Inspiration:

  1. Tomoko from Hajimete no Hitozuma: A Mother’s Love
  2. Saimin Seishidou The Case of Miyajima Tsubaki
  3. Alcina Dimitrescu Resident Evil
  4. Reina, Reika

What am I supposed to be obsessed with? Virgil wants to be a good boy? Braxton? Obsession Without B, Virgil.

1294 Days Without B III, Day 735 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 041 ~Braxton and Virgil’s Line~

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Braxton would hold the line against anyone and everyone to keep me safe. Even Virgil was ready to fight a possum once in my defense. As for me… I get scared waiting in the drive-thru. And my day-to-day dealings are iffy. Braxton and Virgil’s Line

Sunday, August 11, 2024

Meditation 041 ~Braxton and Virgil’s Line~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And what is today’s line? Your theme, motto, or even a piece of advice. Silence works, too.

But today always starts with Braxton. That’s the truth always with parents and children.

Even when you’re not a father anymore. So where is Virgil again? He broke his streak. What? He only made a “mess” once. It’s not like he crossed the line or anything… That’s what brings us together today. White Lines? As if you can afford “cocaine.” However, you need something to take the edge off. Sleeping under Braxton’s protection is enough.

Of all the memories of your son, it’s B III sitting at the foot of the bed on the corner. Nothing would cross Braxton’s line. That’s the doorway between the bedroom and the world. But every day, you go too far or need to be farther. Take Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Morning Star By Pierce Brown Or The Call, Matt Shaw
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I can’t say the week ended or is starting for you with thoughts of these things. In my case, it was horror and being a meanie. I spoke of not reading certain books in exchange for “The Call.” That was a big mistake. I do have lines I won’t cross. Oh, that book. My God.

Somehow, someway, I feel a million times better about the book you should be writing.

But how did you begin your morning… It’s 5:30 AM. After a line or two of tears for B, you went to X/Twitter and didn’t have to type any disgusting lines to search for. That’s because Carlie Jo was already bare, though she covered that sweet “line” of hers. Yeah.

So, um, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Morning Star By Pierce Brown… Please Effing, Finish The Story!!!
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You’re struggling with your emotions. That’s clear. Cherry would definitely say you have crossed the line with this, my dude. Braxton’s Aunt? Sigh. You don’t have any lines for her. And I’ve sent her pictures she took with her beloved Gabe. So far… When does one cross the line between comfort and coo-coo? You’re not over B. How do you mourn someone else’s fur buddy?

It’s concerning that M Anime has yet to speak, but that’s her standard wait time. I can’t say I helped you out there, friend. She isn’t Carlie Jo. M Anime’s birthday is coming. And do you still owe B’s aunt?

Your finances are in the red. What line can I say to help you out? There’s a line into Hell… And you’re still at the end? Braxton and Virgil’s Line

1288 Days Without B III, Day 729 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 040 ~Braxton, Language! Virgil, Uh…~

WillLeave a comment

I turned into Hank Hill last night, asking, “Are you Chinese or Japanese?” It was in my dream… I swear, with the “anime” I watch, “I’m turning Japanese.” Wow! I was never good at talking to people. Neither was my B III. Braxton, Language! Virgil, Uh…

Saturday, August 10, 2024

Meditation 040 ~Braxton, Language! Virgil, Uh…~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… So I could buy an island, create a country, and write my own language… Silence Lunalesca.

I ache to talk to my son. If there’s anything that made me truly ‘special,’ it’s the bond we shared. I miss speaking Braxton fluently. But that dream I had last night… I can’t shake the feeling of loss. Who was that talking to me?

Am I losing my mind? I need to eat something substantial, not just fast food. But it can’t be more shrimp and pasta. Virgil can’t handle that. It’s like the only way he can communicate with me is through his pain. It makes me feel like a terrible person. He’s sniffling or sick. How long it’s been without a mess…

Lunalesca, he’s alive. I show that every day. A picture is worth a thousand words.

You’re lucky if you get a dozen out of me daily. Let’s say ten because that’s a round number. Or fifteen because that’s my lucky number… It’s how old B III was before… he passed.

Euthanasia? I still don’t like that word. I understand how Braxton died. By his hand! Lunalesca. It was by my hand signing the paperwork and a vet, showing him mercy.

Every day, I speak a language of grief. And ‘Nobody Knows’ it but me. Not even Braxton’s Aunt. I care for her, but she’s dealing with her own losses. One in particular? The loss of her fur buddy, Gabriel (Gabe). So, who’s left to understand?

I’m either bawling, quoting some book, or singing beats? My modes of communication and language…

I was going to say are “weird,” but nobody wants to be that. I’ll say I’m woke or wicked if anything. And being both? Is that what my dream was trying to explain last night?.

I don’t want to know myself. Honestly, I was done by seven… That’s when Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze came out… I never expected to see seventeen. And now I’m approaching forty. I want to join Braxton more than ever.

Lunalesca, it’s either that or look at some Yabbos. I swear some moaning masochistic mistress… Did I mention I don’t talk to women well? Too much effing on the brain.

Lunalesca, I don’t share that with my boys or female friends. Uh, yeah… I’ll shut up. Braxton, Language! Virgil, Uh…

1287 Days Without B III, Day 728 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 034 ~Virgil, They’ll B Blood~

WillLeave a comment

To be as smart as John Kramer/Jigsaw. I see my friends fighting desperately. As for myself… If I could join Braxton without any fuss, I would gladly. However, with everything going on. And what can I do? Other than being here? Virgil, They’ll B Blood

Sunday, August 4, 2024

Meditation 034 ~Virgil, They’ll B Blood~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And nothing is creepier than that. You’re “Creepin'” to the mirror for one more day of what?

Pain, Fear, Blood? As much as you believe yourself a “Master” of Sadism… Yeah right! You are but a child of Hedonism. You’re sitting in bed. You situated, satisfied, simpleton!

It’s a constant battle, isn’t it? You’re still grappling with Braxton’s absence and the pain his Aunt is enduring. Then there’s Virgil, whom you must let back in after your morning shenanigans. It’s no wonder the day’s song is from Mr. Luther Vandross—a classic.

Remember The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident? It was quite a rollercoaster. And now, you’re dealing with Creepin, LoveWolfVids, Netorare… The critics aren’t pleased, and you’re left wondering about Braxton and Virgil. If only you could be a father to Braxton again? What about Virgil? It’s like facing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Morning Star By Pierce Brown Or Randomize By Andy Weir
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

If you want to focus on the Impossible, What About Your Friends? What about the rest of us? That’s what you are walking into this week. So you have nothing to complain about? B III’s new friend on the Rainbow Bridge. Yes, that’s the old poem about the afterlife for pets. Braxton’s Aunt? M Anime?

Saturday, I was talking to B’s Aunt, and she is literally living the story of Job from the Bible. I can only imagine what she is going through. And again, what are you doing, hmm?

What could you do even if you were there with her right now? What kind of a man are you? You’re the man who couldn’t save your son and kicked another out because… you’re gross.

You’re not one for Christ clearly or Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Morning Star By Pierce Brown Or Something smaller… Lazy Ass
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

But today being Sunday… Sigh. When I was young, a woman told me I would become a preacher someday. And besides the fact that Braxton Barks died on a Sunday…

Thinking about your friends, do you remember John 15:13? Hmm.

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”

It is so much easier to die for your friends than to live and help them. You would have died for Braxton. And the fact that you would even consider it for his Aunt? M Anime? Even Cherry or Virgil… Must you be so creepy today? While you were watching LoveWolfVids. Why even bother thinking about Halloween? Survive E-Day First?

Braxton’s Aunt knows JSS… Just Survive Somehow. What about you? Still so selfish right now. And what will that lead to? Virgil, They’ll B Blood.

1281 Days Without B III, Day 722 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 033 ~Braxton, Virgil Burial Furs~

WillLeave a comment

Everything happens for a reason. NOT? Like me reading about the Howlers and one of Darrow’s best friends dying. Uh, spoiler alert… My best friend is gone, and now my second best friend is mourning her fur baby “Gabe.” Braxton, Virgil Burial Furs

Saturday, August 3, 2024

Meditation 033 ~Braxton, Virgil Burial Furs~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… But that doesn’t make me miss my boy, my son, Braxton, any less. If cryogenically frozen…

But I’ve been lost in fiction for this week, Lady Lunalesca. The cosmos’s coldness? Yes, I’m still reading “Morning Star.” We’ll get to that. There’s “my” unnamed title, “Sofía’s Nightmare.” Sofía, in a bunny costume from The Blackmail II: The Animation, is with the CEO. He’s saying, “Let’s Get It On”. There’s a random book I bought, too. Burning cash. It’s my way of finding comfort in these trying times.

Lunalesca, what am I forgetting? Got To Be Real, right? Braxton’s on a seventies kick. Wherever he is? Again, he’s not cryogenically frozen. B died. And now he has company.

Yesterday, right after speaking with Lady Sophia, I got the word from Braxton’s Aunt. Her fur baby, Gabriel Michael, joined Braxton with the “Spirit In The Sky.” August 2, 2024

Braxton’s Aunt’s son passed away.

If I didn’t make that clear, Lady Lunalesca, may his little soul rest in peace. She has to make decisions as I did when Braxton met his end. But Gabe tried to spare his mom. He died on his own and can say I did it “My Way.” That’s Frank Sinatra in 1969. Sixties and seventies music? I wonder. How will Gabriel talk to his mom? I’m trying as well.

Lunalesca, I’m at a loss. I have a record of what I did when Braxton fell, but I don’t know what to tell his Aunt. Who have I ever buried before… That I loved? Really, Luna. Two-legged family… I swear.

Braxton is in a box on the nightstand and a pendant I wear. Burial details are something new to me.

But I know she’s getting Gabe back as well. Braxton was cremated on February 4th, and he was “home” on February 10th. As for a ceremony? That I lacked Lunalesca.

This leads me back to reading. I showed Braxton’s Aunt as many books on grieving as I could—and there are even more. But how did I spend the rest of my night as she grieved?

I’m burying myself deeper with M Anime and her troubles as well. She’s the “Girl All The Bad Guys Want.” Why she deals with me, I’ll never know. Grieving, Groaning. I feel like I’m drowning in it all. Depression, Depravity.

Lunalesca, I’m doing one or the other. Or reading Cherry’s writing. There’s the Day Job humiliations. But Thursday pales in comparison to Friday’s news. Poor Gabe. Braxton, Virgil Burial Furs

1280 Days Without B III, Day 721 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 027 ~Braxton Lies Well Virgil~

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What has become my favorite lie? It’s a toss-up. Braxton isn’t gone when I hear Virgil doing whatever, but I can’t see him. And then there’s. Tomorrow will be better. Did you see my schedule this week? But I’ll survive. Braxton Lies Well Virgil.

Sunday, July 28, 2024

Meditation 027 ~Braxton Lies Well Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Do you know why you can’t stand me? Because I open my mouth? Glasses? Getting myself o…

I think you’ll stick to being the MAN that took Braxton’s life. Your son, your best friend, the world. Are you done being sorry for feeling this way after it’s been 1674 days since his trip to the Rainbow Bridge?

And to think Braxton filled me with such courage before bed last night. I was reading Morning Star before turning out the lights. Coincidence? B hasn’t sent music but words:

And as we pretend to be brave, we become so.

Unless you want to die here, sack up and get moving.

Quiet, unremembered moments of cruelty.

Pain’s the universal language.

Pity is not forgiveness, nor is gratitude absolution.

How much better does he understand life than I do? (Morning Star)

You could go on. Braxton knows what you should hear. But me? I’m left again with these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Refraction of Mr. Saturn…?
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 007 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Braxton was or is easier to talk to. And Virgil? If anything, I’m amazed he lies so well. Do you mean he’s still lying at the foot of the bed? It’s one of the reasons you’re up now. No time for Hana Dorei (Flower Slave), a.k.a Slaves to Passion or Love Wolf Vids. Again, it’s because Virgil is lying here pretending to be someone else.

Braxton? He is his father’s son. Yesterday, as I was spending money I don’t have at the drive-thru, I thought. I’m a terrible liar. But B did it so well. Some of B III’s whoppers:

Daddy, I’m fine

I’m not hungry

We gon’ be alright

Ah! There’s the song for today. And Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Morning Star By Pierce Brown Or Something smaller… Lazy Ass
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

For years, Braxton sat at the feet of the Master, his friend, his father… you fool—and he learned to lie. This reminds me somewhat of Emperor Palpatine from Star Wars. Did you ever hear the Tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise? Seriously? We’re doing this. Okay, buckle up. We talk about the truth saving us, right? But the truth when it comes to us…

Well, B didn’t want to hear the truth. And why not? Uh… Sickness, Euthanasia, Dying. Today, you sit here not wanting to hear the truth. Why not? Laziness, Inconvenience, Depression. Yeah, I was REALLY depressed last night. What because Virgil was here, and I had to read of space battles instead of artists having dirty… Anyway. Braxton Lies Well, Virgil

1274 Days Without B III, Day 715 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will