Tag: Hell

Saga 339 ~Fire Burns Brighter In Darkness~

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“When you’re lost in the darkness, look for the light.” That was B stepping on my head most mornings. It was when dark words were lit up by my fingers… how I wish. Burning money like there’s no tomorrow… The light now? Fire Burns Brighter In Darkness

Monday, June 5, 2023

Saga 339 ~Fire Burns Brighter In Darkness~

Two-Hundred and Ninety-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. So am I loved, or do I love more? Am I livid? Indeed, I’m more lustful… dammit!

I do hope that I’ll be a husband someday. A daddy… of two-legged kids. But as I’ve been thinking for the longest time now. I ain’t looking for it. Hell! If only Braxton were here. How I would sing “Teen Idle” to him… “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone!” Talk about the darkness. But as long as he was here… then not being here. For all my grief, my tears. Nothing has snuffed him out yet. That’s the power of love. Fire, flames, fiery, forever. Madam, I don’t know if it’s good or bad. The way I obsess over him at 855 days. What I do know is this. I wish I had someone love me the way I love. Pushing Virgil Vivi away sometimes…

But I’m not livid at him. Let me be clear. Virgil has done nothing wrong. But this is Hell, Madam. I wake up in Hell every single solitary sinful day. Is this how Republicans feel? When I open my eyes, I’m immediately mad at a black person (me). The environment’s a mess. V does whatever is his nature, but do I care? And I hate everyone that’s not me; how I miss my son (sigh). You don’t know how easy it is to let the darkness overwhelm, consume, and devour me. While at Jack’s a few days ago, my foot slipped off the brakes, Madam. The car started to roll, and the cashier “got smart” with me. The rest of the day, I raged, Madam.

But is lust any better? What have I been doing every night? There is all the work I should be doing. And if one could earn a degree in porn… Hell! I’d be Doctor Longstroke. Pornography is my sin of choice. People drink to warm up, as it were. There’s violence, Madam. Being an American, I know what that means… Guns, guns, GUNS! But me. Madam, I prefer warm bodies. No! Hot as Hell! Burning desires, my pornographic passions. And once they have been sated? The cold, like this morning. What tits got me off? Now this mind is blank and dark. And what will light my way, Madam? FEAR! Light up, my dark soul. My boy, hope, but sin… Fire Burns Brighter In Darkness

855 Days Without B III, Day 296 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 335 ~The B Picture Virgil~

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If I could make any type of movie I wanted. I wish I could say it would involve zombies. What was the last horror movie I watched? What have I been looking at today? My supervillain origin story? And V’s been here almost a year. The B Picture Virgil.

Thursday, June 1, 2023

Saga 335 ~The B Picture Virgil~

851 Days Without B III, Day 292 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You can see what time it is. So how was my day? Well, I’m disgusted.

I could also say, Depressed, Disappointed, or, one of my favorites, DISCOMBOLATED. B, there’s also bereft of dollars. One more reason I’m late talking to you. Out at the movies? As if I have money to see something in theaters anyway. And there’s greatness, Braxton. Instead, you know why I feel so disgusting, dirty, and depraved. Oh, the ABCs, B. But I can’t say I’ve been reading much. I’ve started Vampire Academy by Richelle Mead. So that’s a discussion for Lady Sophia. But I don’t want to talk about you or me, not this second. And what about Virgil? Have I watched any movies with him ever? I don’t know. But what I do know is that it’s been all about (sigh). “The Pic Phenomenon.”

I swear! I need to put the days I eff up in the phone. I’m sure your last day is in there for sure. It’s like effing dominos, you know. If you hadn’t left… There wouldn’t have been The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. So The Cherry Collision wouldn’t exist either. Braxton, I’m not blaming you at all. Only anytime I’m awake, I’m thinking about you. “Crime, it’s the way I fly to you,” as the song goes. I killed my best friend. So any others? Hell! I am so ashamed. It’s like that reporter in “Hotel Rwanda.” Wow! What a jump, huh, Braxton? I do miss watching movies with you and your Aunt. The world made sense. I was wholesome as I could be. Now?

Again, you saw me this morning. Even Virgil was hiding in your room —criminal ideas. Of course, I had them when you were here, no doubt. Only back then it was; B needs me today. And speaking of today, it would be punishment for what I have done to you. There’s everyone else… What do you want a list? Despite what they said back in school, I never made one of “those” lists, B III. And even today, it was only a dollar or bitcoin. Yeah. I remember saying if you’re going into Bitcoin and making temporary emails B III. I’m not being a Law Abiding Citizen. That’s three movies, three crimes, and my existence. Tragedy, comedy. Us, a love story. The B Picture Virgil.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 334 ~B Bucks Tradition, V~

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Braxton didn’t love much. Me, of course. “My” bloodline. The Aunt adopted. We both liked her boobs. But others were waiting… Yeah, right! I’m a horn dog, and for B, there were bits of food, the bucks I spent on him, and the bed. B Bucks Tradition, V

Wednesday, May 31, 2023

Saga 334 ~B Bucks Tradition, V~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but as the song goes, “Money can’t buy me love.” Can’t say I’m looking for it.

And Virgil… As I told Braxton’s Aunt, “JSS,” Just Survive Somehow. There’s also “Endure and Survive” if you’re more for The Last of Us. Aut Viam Inveniam Aut Faciam or in English AHEM, I shall either find a way or make one. “So that you understand how serious I am… I’m going to say this in English.” “English, Motherf*cker, Do You Speak It?!” Excuse me for being a Pop Culture Whore. Indeed, I’m much worse, Echo. That is what brings us together today, not marriage. Kill Bill, Pulp Fiction, The Princess Bride, Inspector Echo. I’m getting my movies right but not my money on this Sunday, May 28, 2023, sigh. I’m trying not to waste any more cash or… bitcoin. What am I? Smooth Criminal?

Hell! If I were, we wouldn’t be talking right now. I’ve heard sirens in the background. And while I am guilty of killing my best friend… I’ll never forget my firstborn son, my B III. How much did that cost me again? I don’t want to go upstairs, Inspector. Paperwork. Effing has me in tears. I’d be effing crying if my last deal went through. Don’t tell MILF Dos, but I cried the first time I saw her naked. So Hott! Over $300.00 some dollars. Inspector, that was some of the best cash I’ve ever spent. Player, Pimp, Pervert… Please! Now I’m an F-Boy. And if you think I was done with the Pop Culture jargon, “Oh God, I’m gonna die alone.” Teen Idle, MARINA

Cherry and I like the same song. A twenty-something poetic virgin. And the thirty-eight-year-old asshole who tried to get her to take her clothes off. I have effed up, Inspector. Again I’ve barely spoken to Braxton’s Aunt, and then there’s M Anime. The money flies. Which is why I haven’t been on OnlyFans lately. I’m tired of being the bullshit man… uh, bullshit artist. That is, if you’ve considered the people I’ve been trying to work with these days. All because of one thing? I could go a few places with that Virgil’s not around.

So anyway, love… I’ve talked about the dream I’d have. The Nuclear Family, of course. Braxton would be there. Now? Existence, Existence, never changes. Eff Tradition. B Bucks Tradition, V

“Maybe there is love out there, but it’s running from me. I can’t keep chasing it.” Jackson Smith, The Brothers

850 Days Without B III, Day 291 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 333 ~You Rib B, Virgil~

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I was raised having many a BBQ. But never invited. I was raised in the AME Church. I can appreciate a story here or there. But I didn’t want to go. And there was a time I even wanted to be a comedian. Not anymore. Just Kidding… You Rib B, Virgil

Tuesday, May 30, 2023

Saga 333 ~You Rib B, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But it’s not so funny anymore. Whether it’s true or false. I ain’t laughing. I’m trying.

What? Not to laugh? And I ain’t gonna lie. It’s been 849 days without my firstborn. And I have laughed my ass off at times. Well, what ass I do have. And I do like my ass? But don’t get those ideas… Got enough troubles with things inside… Mind, memories, madness. Weirdly, my rage has full reign, sigh. And yet my heart is in a cage, my love. Hell, it’s in a box on the nightstand labeled Braxton. But no! I can tell you the day I retrieved it. Wednesday, February 10, 2021. The day I saw what had become of my boy. It wasn’t a joke. He wasn’t hiding in his house, huffing at the food I made, heading under the bed as usual.

I know you’re asking what brought this on. Well, you’re my rib, after all. Religion? (Laughing). I lost whatever remained of that when Braxton died. I killed him, I know. Baby girl, it could be the fact that I’m hungry. And I know there are ribs in the fridge. Ha. Though if you could cook like Tineke Younger… I’m kidding… Jokes that might hurt feelings. I was never one for that. But feelings, isn’t that why we’re here today? Hmm. Would you rather I sing “Had a bad day again. (He) said I would not understand.” Today has been a pretty bad one. And if I told you why, besides Braxton or boobs. Who can get mad at either, I ask you? I have… did.

And I don’t know what I should do about it. I’m no bully. But I haven’t been saying Virgil’s name often. I guide him, usually with a pat on the ribs. I don’t abuse animals! Or anyone else, for that matter. It feels like my heart is trying to beat out of my chest. The meditation I’ve been doing says, “Open your chest.” That is about all I remember for sure. A few days ago, it was with the victory I had over my ear. I didn’t need your help, love. Not with that. But I need you. That’s no joke. Neither is missing my boy more than ever before. The fear “All Of Me” might end up in a cage… You Rib B, Virgil

849 Days Without B III, Day 290 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 332 ~ Don’t Demand Likes, Loyalty, Love~

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When was the last time I demanded anything? Other than giving me “my” money back. To like me, to be loyal, and so much love. Hell! B denied he was dying forever and a day. I wish I had something like that besides… “Don’t Demand Likes, Loyalty, Love.”

Monday, May 29, 2023

Saga 332 ~ Don’t Demand Likes, Loyalty, Love~

Two-Hundred and Ninety-Third Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. And like most, I only want one thing… Money! I’ve had worse days, to be honest, Madam.

Like (Cali Girl Voice), money gets you so much. Then there’s my B. Always Braxton. Madam, I’ve said I’ve had worse days, but it’s only 5:30 in the morning. I’m not crying yet, so that’s something. All out of liking, loyalty, and love. That was me and B III, Madam. I want to say I have such “nobility” these days. Bucks, Boobs, and Balls. Pants-wise. Having cash in the wallet. Boobies on my phone or as Wheeler Walker, Jr. illustrates. “Pictures On My Phone.” He’s classier than me. And then there’s the courage I lack. Madam, I wish I liked myself. No! I’m somebody I’d like to punch in the face on any given day. “I got soul, but I’m not a soldier,” Madam Justice.

Loyal to no one. Today is Memorial Day. To those that died serving this country. Thank you. There was a time I thought I could do such things. Being a sailor? It wasn’t for me. Neither was being a son. You would think I’d show some loyalty to my Olds. But again, I would destroy their creation… me, even if I cared to exist. What could I do for them? How about being a loyal suitor? The way I would like to… I would have to be a billionaire. At best, I adore women. I lust, crave, and desire. But there is a word, Obsession. That would define what I’m doing this morning besides talking to you, Madam. Loyal to my dick. The Pic Phenomenon.

“Love Don’t Cost a Thing.” As I was telling someone yesterday. I ain’t looking for it anymore. Am I lying? I could cuddle up beside Virgil right now if I wanted. Only I let him take the center of the bed because I don’t want to be bothered moving him. I’ll keep him safe, but as Tina Turner put it, “What’s Love Got to Do with It.” My dear Madam. Today if I were to tell you all my thoughts on love. Well, who has that kind of time? Hmm. I could sum up such feelings as a Christian might. God is love. Always and forever. Braxton is love. Liked/likes me, was/is loyal, and love… Never demanded, deserved. But daddy. Don’t Demand Likes, Loyalty, Love

848 Days Without B III, Day 289 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 328 ~Troubles To B, Virgil~

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I should go to confession. I’m not as bad as the Catholics. Who am I to judge? I’ve got all my sins, which B would hear about. The worse would be in my sleep. If I do talk in my sleep. But awake and scared now. “Troubles To B, Virgil.”

Thursday, May 25, 2023

Saga 328 ~Troubles To B, Virgil~

844 Days Without B III, Day 285 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I have been awake all day. Both the Day Job and Time Travel. Why Daddy?

That was the last question you ever asked me. I know it’s stolen from Angel “A Hole In The World.” And can we not talk about stealing today? I was so close to paying. Criminality? Even now, I can see the look you would give me. That “Are you serious, Dad” vibe. As serious as when I watched you die. And I heard you, “Please, Daddy. Why can’t I stay?” Anytime I get sick to my stomach over the crimes I commit. I remember you. “I killed you.” Either nobody believes me, or they don’t give a damn. As Coriolanus Snow put it, “At the moment, anonymity was a condition greatly to be desired.” That explains why I’m here today. Hoping I can hide, Braxton…

More to the point, my troubles couldn’t find me as I lay here as the song goes. “Would you lie with me and just forget the world?” No! Braxton, you had guard duty. My prince. And would that make me a fearful king? You’ll hate me for saying this, Braxton. “No, never!” I can hear you, Braxton. Your words, ha-ha, go in and out, but I am trying B III. Anyway, AHEM, short of your death and my birth, my greatest crime is… surprise, FEAR. When I was but a boy, I was sent to juvenile detention. Humans suck B, but you know that. There are more walls, bars, and guards every day of existence. For me or others, Braxton. “All Eyez on Me,” hmm?

But I’m not Tupac. And, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” The two of us were trying to play each other’s savior. To think about the weeks leading to your death, I thought, “I’m so screwed.” You know. I remember to take notes when being “REAL STUPID. “That’s how you know you fucked up.” Add Thursday, May 18, 2023, to the list. I haven’t even given it a name yet. But yet again, it involves sticking this dick in crazy. Hell! I wonder if I will be here. Always fearful. Anything else? Well, I thought the air conditioner had fucked up again. The damn filter. You know what your granddad would say, more like do. I deserve it, but not over that, I know. Sinful Stupidity. That’s my new genre. Troubles To B, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 327 ~Braxton’s Fine Print Virgil~

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I’m not being the person B thinks I am. And he was/is my best friend. But what about “friends,” influencers, and the “Girl All the Bad Guys Want?” I should read up on copyrights, complaints, and charges… “Gulp.” Braxton’s Fine Print Virgil.

Wednesday, May 24, 2023

Saga 327 ~Braxton’s Fine Print Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Which means I can talk my way out of contracts. The Terms and Conditions. Basic Morality.

So when did I sign up to be a father? No! Not only a Dad but Braxton’s. Being B’s Daddy. I still think of myself as that… “Sorry, Virgil?” Only that means I take everything that comes with it. And I keep saying it, Inspector, despite you and my “Lost Boy.” It is my truth. As the song goes, “I don’t wanna be a murderer.” I have, though, Inspector Echo. Hell! While I’m busy busting out the Rhianna, “Every time I walk out the door. I see him die a little more inside.” Now that would be Virgil. With him, there came actual paperwork. But I never saw anything about “Love and Happiness.” Inspector, seriously. It’s my effing ear, which is why there’s music galore.

Not music that I have stolen, mind you. But I’ve done that too. Today that’s the least of my problems. As I’m not MJ or the GOP. A smooth criminal. No, I’m an internet fiend. Calling me a troll is more appropriate. What about an F-Boy? Effing fiend sounds better. And all because I didn’t read the fine print. Inspector, I’m thinking of my stupidity. Horniness makes men stupid. And I dare to call myself a man. Inspector Echo, please! Now I could go into the political aspect of this, but I’m not confused at all. I’m a Heterosexual African American male. Yeah, make it easy on Law Enforcement, Inspector. Although I’m sure, all those I’ve hurt would wish death upon me. Die, just die!

Yes, I sound like Whitley’s mother from A Different World. And isn’t that what this is now? Friend? Are you my friend Inspector Echo? Because if you were, I could tell. Confess! Is there no fine print between us? Effing is ha! I’m sure it is somewhere, Inspector. Now speaking of the blog. How much was there to read, getting someone fixing it, Inspector? There will be more if I go to the doctor’s office to get my ear cleared out; I know it. Bukkake of the ear! More like what my dick’s been doing after “The Pic Phenomenon.” That’s what I’m still worrying about. Thursday, May 18, 2023. Not even a whole week. I am reading the fine print of existence. You’re effed, Will. “JSS” Braxton’s Fine Print Virgil

843 Days Without B III, Day 284 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 326 ~Trust Me V… Braxton~

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Have I ever been cheated on… uh? Have I ever cheated? Flirted. The only thing that has cheated someone out of all of me? The goodest boy, my grief, giving people a reason not to trust me. Am I Aladdin, Jesus, or the government? “Trust Me V… Braxton.”

Tuesday, May 23, 2023

Saga 326 ~Trust Me V… Braxton~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now but what about the other stuff? Mind, body, and soul… This should be a given, hmm?

As a friend, father, effing buddy for life… Isn’t that called being a husband? Family? Braxton’s my only reliable reference. And he won’t be saying much out loud, my love. What about Virgil? He’s been here 283 days. I know where his problem lies. TRUST. Virgil is right? Since “The Pic Phenomenon,” I can’t say I trust myself. Did I ever? If it ain’t music, it’s movies, so allow me my Nic Cage as Cameron Poe moment… “There’s only two men I trust. One of them’s me. The other’s not you.” The other guy… B III. Braxton knows everything about me. Well, now he does, wherever he is now. I’m sorry. Love, I trust you now. Again, “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.”

You would have figured I’d learn my lesson. My son couldn’t trust me to save his life, love. I effing tried! And here come the waterworks. He trusted me, and I failed my boy. Every single day I fail myself. I wake up, hit the alarm, and WHAM! One more day failed, and so to all the rest… “You cannot hurt me,” I want to scream! Of course, anyone can; trust. And who am I in the grand scheme of things? How badly I want anonymity. This is the very thing I took. Though I meant no animosity. But for this anomaly in my moral code. Desire is desire. But would I break our trust for it? I did his, theirs, and as always mine.

How dare I ask you to trust me again, and with what? That “Whenever you call me, I’ll be there.” When I’m not thinking about Thursday, May 18, 2023? Let’s say Sunday, August 13, 2023. Virgil’s “Gotcha Day.” How many days I’ve believed my last? Happiness? Do you trust me to find my happiness? The love? I haven’t had that since a birthday I had. And I was pretty young. “What the Hell is going on?” I’m sure people will ask, “With all these things that I’ve done.” Did I feel good doing them? Yes. Am I guilty, my love? Yes. Gross? Sure. Being a “man.” But for you, our younglings… Yo Braxton, you there? And even Virgil and them. Trying! Trust Me V… Braxton

842 Days Without B III, Day 283 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 325 ~Guilt Before Action Is Morality~

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I’m not with the GOP. Hurting someone? I won’t lie and pretend. I have my interests at heart or below that. But with B. I knew he was dying. The Guilt I felt before, after, and now? And with what I’ve done, now… “Guilt Before Action Is Morality”

Monday, May 22, 2023

Saga 325 ~Guilt Before Action Is Morality~

Two-Hundred and Ninety-Second Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. Which means I can afford to be a “man.” An effing ton of mammaries. Hell! Morality’s free.

And I have had an effing ton of that since Thursday, May 18, 2023. I’ll come up with a name for that soon enough. Let me also state, “for the record.” I’m not coming down on female billionaires. Did I say… coming? Effing today. That’s the last thing I need. Tomorrow? Madam, as always, I would instead focus on 841 days ago. Braxton, always and forever. “Brother to brother, yours in life and death,” they said in First Knight. Sometimes I feel that Braxton leads me to the lines. Dog on a leash? Here’s another Madam, “Only a fool wants what he cannot have.” What? I wanted my son to live forever. Outlive me, Madam. It should have been me—no Morality in this mortality.

“Be not so long to speak; I long to die,” as was said in Romeo + Juliet. Or is that me in the mirror? As I tell Braxton, while he keeps me here? How about all those I have wronged? For I have harmed plenty. And it’s one thing when I don’t give a damn. Only I’ve always been of the mind, “You always hurt the (ones) you (love).” And to know what I’m doing. I’m always incredibly effing STUPID! Even now, I have to look up Guilt and Morality. Again with Braxton… Did I “feel” guilty? Always have and always will, “sorry” to say. That’s another word I should look up. What does it mean to be sorry? Um, not getting off, for starters.

I’m a sadist. But B III’s pain was nothing but this heartbreaking. My punishment. Hell! Now “The Pic Phenomenon…” See, I told you I’d find a name for it. I have a better one, but the Guilt I feel saying it? And that’s the thing, ain’t it? Now I have decided to have some morals. And will I stop, well, anything? It’s like that scene from Liberal Arts (2012). When Jesse is deciding whether to sleep with Zibby. Finally decides against it… No! I’m worse. It’s like Lester deciding whether to sleep with Angela. Uh, eww… Spacey. But in the end. Both have… TRUST. Jesse and Lester stop short. But I’m not that bad. What I’ve done, though… Breaking TRUST! Guilt Before Action Is Morality.

841 Days Without B III, Day 282 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 321 ~Virgil, Will, Can’t B…~

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A bad day… um, evening to today. Over 12 hours. Not in a Daniel Porter sort of way. Think Fuel Bad Day meets Jennifer Lawrence “The Hanging Tree.” Without my B, the world is a sadder, more maddening, and “bad” place. Or it’s me? Virgil, Will, Can’t B

Thursday, May 18, 2023

Saga 321 ~Virgil, Will, Can’t B…~

837 Days Without B III, Day 278 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I don’t feel right from last night to now, Braxton. (Sigh). Existence is a bitch.

It’s sad above all else Triple B. Nowhere near Life unless we’re talking about that song “New Day.” Something you and your grandma have in common… “I want to take this time to thank you. Even though I’m doing Life.” Death appears luxurious, my friend. What the eff do I know, right? I took your Life from you. Uh, there’s V and so much more. There are books, bank accounts, boobs, and this blog. And there’s always you, Braxton Barks. You and me always and forever. But I was close to joining you. Effing books. There’s no telling what set me off in “The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes.” I haven’t read all of it, but I am trying. Honest, I don’t want to anymore.

And I’m mad about it. I mean, not about the book. But I am getting those “Stroke of Midnight” and “Blackout: A Thriller” vibes. You were here for the former. One more thing to be mad about. The only thing. You’re not here, and that’s my fault. I failed you. Braxton, what else is there to be mad about? I should focus more on you than on books. You’re not Lady Sophia, I know. But your Dad is always trying to figure out how I effed up. And, as I said, I was… Well, indifferent all day yesterday. Then, “The Hanging Tree” was on repeat for hours. “They strung up a man, they say, who murdered three.” You, me, and whoever I could be. Being a Father not included anymore…

Because I’m bad. And not in a Michael Jackson sort of way. I’m a dog-murdering scumbag. That’s harsh of me. Your grandma used that term after her sister, my aunt, was killed. But that’s neither here nor there. What? Braxton, I’m thinking of your great-granddaddy. Everything that went wrong with ME that day. Hell! What about last night? I’m late. Braxton, it’s because I was talking to your could-be stepmom. Have you seen Mr. Shadow B? M Anime lost her cat, and what did I do in my infinite wisdom? I’m ashamed of myself, Mr. B. If Virgil weren’t here, I swear. If I didn’t believe “He Lives In You.” You being you, B III. Virgil deserves to live. I can’t be dead… Sad, mad, bad? Virgil, Will, Can’t B…

Always and Forever,
Your Dad