Tag: I Love Braxton

Chronicle 312 ~Stupid Is As Stupid Does~

WillLeave a comment

I’m still crying over a dog I put in a box 463 days ago. I’ve read 17 books I don’t remember. I listen to stories I read years back. I can’t tell you who won WWE Backlash. And how do Walkers/Zombies help me? Oh, and uh “love” Stupid Is As Stupid Does

Monday, May 9, 2022

Chronicle 312 ~Stupid Is As Stupid Does~

Two-Hundred and Thirty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m not… uh, Stupid. No, it has to be everyone else? Now about that word Madam…

Stupid? No! My son, my Braxton. The stupidest thing I’ve ever done is lose him. Is it stupid that I keep talking about him like this? 463 days and counting, Madam. My brain hasn’t been of much help these days or any day ending with Y. Why am I so stupid? Madam, you know how I hate this word. Stupid is the worst thing you can be in this existence. It was only yesterday I brought up B III’s speed. And I had to keep up with my boy. I keep saying he’s the best man I know, and why is that? In a minute, you’ll have me sounding like The EST of WWE, Bianca Belair. I can’t remember “Backlash” last night but my boy…

Stupid stories I keep reading, watching, and listening to? Ha, Not all of them, Madam. Well, it depends on your feelings towards a “Succubus.” Fate, Madam, or my dumb luck? Then, of course, there’s the genre that I’ve been “reading” the most. Every day something about a dog. There have been 20 books so far. And how much could I tell you about any one of them other than “The Dog Stars,” “A Dog’s Journey,” “It’s Just A Dog.” Hmm? The rest have been instructions on mourning or short tales. That doesn’t make me bright. I would have already finished my poetry collection “Gulp” If I were smart. But more to the point, my novel for my little one, “My Turn To B III.” Stupid…

Stupid when it came time to save Braxton. Or the things I do when I’m not sleeping. “You mean to say… as in sex?” That’s from the movie Serenity. Kaylee Frye, if I’m being specific, a.k.a. Jewel Staite. When it comes to sex, Madam, I’m a fucking genius. Not tooting my own horn or doing anything else with it. At least I’m trying not to. It’s inevitable, or so I think. THEY say that Pride leads to all other sins. Le Marquis de Sade said it’s Lust. If we go on Blade: Trinity, “sooner or later, the thirst always wins.” What does this all even mean? Sex or the lack thereof makes me plenty stupid. Like this list showing (sigh), Stupid Is As Stupid Does.

  1. Maiko Kaneda
  2. Imari Kurumi
  3. Yukiko Minase
  4. St. Louis
  5. Tifa Lockhart
  6. Aerith Gainsborough
  7. Scarlet
  8. Nico, Nicoletta Goldstein
  9. Hilda
  10. Juliet Starling
  11. Serah Farron
  12. Ashe, Ashelia B’nargin Dalmasca
  13. Lulu
  14. Linkle
  15. 2B
  16. Commander White
  17. Kainé
  18. Rikku
  19. Airi Akizuki
  20. Zone-tan
  21. Rei Ayanami
  22. Michiru Kaiou
  23. Kaori Saeki
  24. Ayana (Yellow Star)
  25. Sawa
Gospel 312 ~Mother’s Work B Grinning~

463 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 311 ~B A Little Faster~

WillLeave a comment

Well, it’s Mother’s Day, and I’m late getting mine a gift… I never knew Triple B’s furry mom, and again I’m late finding him a human mom. Oh, and I shouldn’t forget B’s two aunts. Both are moms. I’m always running around or away. “B A Little Faster.”

Sunday, May 8, 2022

Chronicle 311 ~B A Little Faster~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. But what is taking you so long? Today you couldn’t wait to get to the dinner table.

You sound like “The Man.” That’s what Braxton is, “The Man.” You have to keep saying “is,” you know. He’s out there. Or at least that’s what you’ve bought into for the foreseeable future. When you get the chance, you need to go over my dreams. Time enough at last? Ha! If anything, you are always late when it comes to everything. But the damnable Day Job. The things you are late for, if we start with today. Yeah, it’s Mother’s Day and your gift? What about the money you were supposed to send elsewhere? Conversation needed? Yeah, and not like it’s helping, but where’s your Cranberry juice? Cappuccino wanted. Now yeah, you can balk at me all you want, like with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing When Your Pet Dies: A Guide to Mourning, Remembering…
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

One, of course, always goes by the quickest. Is there a lot to say about your dead B III? Braxton is the best man you know. Fifteen years, eleven months, and add on another 462 days for him. Every day there is another reason to miss him; To remember. And I know you won’t commit this to memory (sigh). How about this if you ever go back to Whisper and finish the books I laid out. 352 reasons to miss B III? You’ll keep that like you keep your fingers out of your ears. The last thing you need is to pay $175.00 to turn your ear into a Bukkake scene again. Okay, that’s an example of something you won’t say. But Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Pet Loss Poems: To Heal Your Heart and Soul
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Now starting back at one: I read, run, and remember my son. As I was able to raise such a man as he. If you remember such a man as your B III? What does that say about you today? Today, I would like to say that you can’t be as bad as you think. B III loves you always… You believe that life moves way too fast, and in a way, that’s true enough. The gas station yesterday? Humiliations Galore! You run from battle. Think of it more as you run a step or two behind Braxton. That is why you fail. It’s your duty, privilege, honor, your fucking job to protect him. What are you running to? Meet him. B A Little Faster

Gospel 311 ~What’s A Mom, B~

462 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 310 ~The Sorrows To B~

WillLeave a comment

Long ago, I got super heavy into daily motivations. But I no longer imagine things can/will be better. But B taught me that they can’t get worse. Tears, the sweat of my brow, other bodily fluids… Um, I don’t think alcohol could dull, The Sorrows To B

Saturday, May 7, 2022

Chronicle 310 ~The Sorrows To B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, ha-ha. Some of my smaller investments include McDonald’s, Subway, Pizza Hut, Buffalo Wild Wings, Krystal, etc.

I feel like crying, Lady Lunalesca. There was a time when being sad didn’t make me hungry. Much like anger, grief takes a lot out of you. If you’re wondering why I’m talking to you so late, my Lady. Yeah, 6:30 in the morning. It’s quite specfic Lady Luna. Tears. Lying here in bed, it’s like I’m flooding the boat. And then the moment I get up, it’s like an ocean of tears. I’m sure I’ve said before I can’t swim. Yet one way or another, I always make it back to bed. I always say, when it rains, it pours. And I don’t mean in a Luke Combs type of way. Water, water, everywhere, as THEY say. But shopping, some puppies, a shitty lawn.

I feel like sweating? Not today, Lady Lunalesca, but what if I found Braxton today? He could be there, you know, at PetSmart. Hell, was it this week or the last one; I looked up Deer Head Chihuahuas? Fur babies are a lot of work. And considering what I’ve been doing. Today I need to check my schedule, but for now, I’ll do the work of missing my son B III. That means I continue to exist. I would shed tears over him than go into the Day Job and sweat. It’s not only the work but the fear. As always, the humiliations galore, I suffer in that place. How about everyday existence? If I had only gotten up earlier instead of hitting the snooze.

I feel like making love, ha, now that’s a laugh. Only I don’t feel like laughing with everything I continue to do. Why can’t I keep “it” in my fucking pants as I did before? 161 days Lady Lunalesca. This isn’t right at all. But I would choose depression over the disgust that happens the moment after. I’m pathetic and sad, but not enough to know how to stop. Do I want to go back to hiding if I had one more four-legged kid around? Do I want to know the worst pain I have ever had in this existence in what, another 15 years? Why not cry about the Day Job, my dick, and the disgust with my presence? Braxton, The Sorrows To B.

Gospel 310 ~Will Of The B-Cells~

461 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 308 ~From B To Ph.D.~

WillLeave a comment

I didn’t put B in any dog training. How do I expect to put kids through medical school? Um, that would require babies and, before that, a woman. For the record, I’m pro-choice. But my firstborn, even without the pomp and circumstance. From B To Ph.D.

Thursday, May 5, 2022

Chronicle 308 ~From B To Ph.D.~

459 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Considering when I’m writing this, you know how my day is going. Lazy ass right!

You would suggest a walk. Now that’s funny. You would often make a decree, demand, dammit, daddy, what is wrong with you. Of course, you had your look for the third one. Do you want to know what I was doing besides another nap B III? Too much info B. Disgusting! That would be a no, my friend. But if I were outside with you? If I let you secure your territory on days like today. Hell, how would I know other than it’s hot? Braxton, I would have cut the air conditioner on by now. Can’t have you see me walking around like this. Then again, I keep asking, like the song goes, “Where’d you go.” I need to find a new book ASAP.

That would lead me to the couch, wouldn’t it? Well, the loveseat. Braxton, this may sound a bit creepy, but you need to say hi to your Aunt Carolina. The 4th was her Birthday. Star Wars Day B III. How did I celebrate either? Well, I did get your Aunt a few books B. As far as Star Wars, I tried, honestly. I drifted in and out of sleep; the fucking Day Job B. Besides you sitting on the foot of the bed at your post. I miss our couch time the most, B. There were the days Braxton when I was trying meditation; to stop this morning’s antics. I keep going back to books. Then there was me and your Aunt’s movie nights, right.

Then there’s me lying here sipping cranberry juice. Herbal tea, water, cappuccino, and chicken noodle soup. I don’t know if I’m trying to keep myself alive or join you, Braxton. 459 days, and you’re still sitting on the nightstand. A testament to my veterinary degree. Yeah, that’s right, I don’t have one. And even if I did… As always, I blame no one but me. You, on the other hand. Well, you were never one for formal education. Daddy’s laziness. No training for you, but you looked after me. Do you still? Even with you gone these past 459 days, I’m failing you. The Mental, Physical, and Emotional all of it, but when you needed me. With my STUPID Day Job. From B To Ph.D.

Gospel 308 ~When Braxton Throws Shade~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 307 ~Fandom A’s and B’s~

WillLeave a comment

B understood his B words. There’s burger, bed, his aunt’s big ole… So we shared common interests, but for the past 458 days (snorts), add 15 years and 11 months, I was a fan, but I was getting kinda used to being someone he loved. Fandom A’s and B’s.

Wednesday, May 4, 2022

Chronicle 307 ~Fandom A’s and B’s~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but instead of “fine” art, I’ll lose myself to Star Wars memorabilia. It’s Star Wars Day.

Hell, I should have taken the day off. Of course, seeing as how we’re talking on the 30th today, Inspector. That’s my great sin. I’m sure I’m not counting the Humiliations Galore I’ve been experiencing this week. In this day and age, to like Star Wars is the least of them. Okay, so first, let me say Happy Birthday, Carolina Bound. Triple B loves his Aunt Carolina, and I’m pretty fond of her (drools) as a friend. Don’t give me that look Inspector, but yeah, I saw her boobs. Braxton is a mega-fan of them. One of my favorite moments was trying to have “The Talk.” And as far as respect for women… what do I know, you ask me. But being a true fan…

If I was to name all that B III was a fan of… we covered boobs, fries, comfy spots, barking. I mean, it was his middle name, “Barks.” What am I forgetting? Inevitably his Daddy. Inspector, no one told me when I met B III he’d bark, “I’ll be the greatest fan of your life.” Ditto, my boy, fucking ditto. But what about the fandoms I joined since Braxton left? Inspector, you know what I want to say. Braxton didn’t up and leave. (Cries) Death!!! Fandoms Inspector like Lord of the Rings or Game of Thrones, nope. But good battles. Did I tell you the story of when Braxton and I watched bullies getting “canceled,” and I accidentally hit B in the face? Didn’t die…

Yep, Dad hits like a bitch but okay, ha. What am I a fan of? What keeps you running now? The girls have seen that it’s adult entertainment for the past few days. Bikini season. Inspector, I’ll drop that pornographic tripe, which is longer than all the books I’ve read. I’ve been all about my mourning, and that ain’t changing anytime soon, I’m afraid, Echo. I can’t forget about B’s Aunt. As I said, Wednesday is her birthday. Today’s Saturday. Succubus Lord, of course, has been kicking my ass. How much have I spent, Inspector? Will I ever spend more on my little boy? I keep saying I will. Like when he lived? Braxton wasn’t a fandom. He’s faith. Will’s Fandom? Fandom A’s and B’s

Gospel 307 ~To The B Loved~

458 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 306 ~To B Beautiful Again~

WillLeave a comment

There’s always something new to see regarding “adult entertainment.” I’ve never been one saying I’ve seen everything. But if I had known that the first time I saw my son, well, that’s it? Now it’s hard seeing through tears. To B Beautiful Again.

Tuesday, May 3, 2022

Chronicle 306 ~To B Beautiful Again~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. I wonder whether that could give me 20/20 vision again. Like masks, I rather like glasses.

I like compliments too. But as the song goes, “Ooh, it makes me wonder” what you want about my body, brains, and bravery. I picture you like Sia/Superbia looking at “businessman” Jacob. Have I finished the Succubus Lord (audio) series by now? Baby Doll, I was so quick to get my ears checked. You’re asking yourself if there is something wrong with my eyes besides the glasses. Knowing me,… quite the shallow bastard. “Doesn’t matter what you do. You’ll still be beautiful.” Oh, from the 1996 film “Twister,” ha. You’ll always be beautiful. And I hate that I’m saying this, but it’s not you; it’s me.” All the tears I cry. The sweat on my brow.” Hell, when I get weak and instead of us…

Yeah, I don’t blame you for asking, “us?” Do I mean “You And Me” or Braxton and me? As I said before, all this water in my eyes. At least Monday last week, my eyes were shut when they were pounding into my head. I swear I’m listening for you as much as Braxton. Considering we’re having this conversation on Friday, April 29, 2022. The screen, the screen, Baby Girl. Or, again, seeing white walls in a doctor’s office. I am looking so hard. Okay, I need to stop with the jokes, but would you have me crying again? It’s as if I’m trying to peer into Heaven itself and find Triple B. Perhaps find my way into a straitjacket. But there’s so much beauty.

You have to understand that despite everything I thought I had seen and all that I felt in existence. At the time, Braxton blew it all out of the water and then some. Seeing, Loving. And to this day, I imagine I’ll go deal with the fucking Rebeccas. Braxton Reincarnated. I remember the first time I saw you and I turned all “Life Itself” That has to mean a lot. Being in the room when you had our “firstborn.” A fight for another time. Inevitable. The way I’m going to feel when some young “Thundercat” tries dating our little girl. There will be beautiful moments in life, I want to say. After enough tears, Babe, everything will be, once again, love. To B Beautiful Again

“I’m waiting for the right moment cause when I ask you out, there’s not gonna be any turning back for me. I’m not gonna date anybody else for the rest of my life. I’m not gonna love anybody else for the rest of my life. I’m not gonna really care about anything else for the rest of my life.” Will to Abby “Life Itself” (2018)

Gospel 306 ~Trade But Don’t Betray Yourself~

457 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 305 ~Favors, Blessings Without Fine Print~

WillLeave a comment

If he were here, what would B ask for? If it were my life, like the song “take me as I am, take my life, I would give it all, I would sacrifice.” If not justice or to live again, he’d ask the favor for me to live? Favors, Blessings Without Fine Print

Monday, May 2, 2022

Chronicle 305 ~Favors, Blessings Without Fine Print~

Two-Hundred and Thirty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I know everything has a price or, instead, everyone. Also, I can’t remember my last favor…

Holding the door open for someone? If I want to talk about favors, you know who I have to bring up. Say it with me (AHEM), “B III.” Only it wasn’t doing him favors. “It’s Only Love.” “Unconditionally.” Did I mention how good it is to hear again? I hope I continue to. Anyway, I’ve defined love before. Love is the willingness, want, need, desire, and ability to put one or something above oneself. And yet I’m ashamed it took Triple B dying… Well, here come the tears today, Friday, April 29. So yes, Madam, it’s Time Travel. How do I define a favor? Something being done with no request or repercussion. Of course, that’s off the top of my head. Holding a door requires nothing. Me wasting some time?

How I have wasted so much time today. It reminds me of something Chris Rock said about men being kind to women. All their doing is offering dick. Chivalry, Madam Justice… Today at least, meaning the 29th, only Cherry had to suffer. Wasting time, though:

  1. Maiko Kaneda
  2. Imari Kurumi
  3. Yukiko Minase
  4. St. Louis
  5. Tifa Lockhart
  6. Aerith Gainsborough
  7. Scarlet
  8. Nico, Nicoletta Goldstein
  9. Hilda
  10. Juliet Starling
  11. Serah Farron
  12. Ashe, Ashelia B’nargin Dalmasca
  13. Lulu
  14. Linkle
  15. 2B
  16. Commander White
  17. Kainé
  18. Rikku
  19. Airi Akizuki
  20. Zone-tan
  21. Rei Ayanami
  22. Michiru Kaiou
  23. Kaori Saeki
    024.

I’m sure this list has grown by now, much like myself… Yeah, a bad joke. I’ve done myself a favor and cut the phone off while we’re talking. I’ve never done that for another girl. This leads me to my point. There’s my Ma, my money, and my loins when it comes to women. I love my Ma; I work for women. And then with Others… AHEM “all I wanted was to see her naked.”

Has anyone done me a favor? Well, sure, but these past few days. I got a day off, but they were trying to save money. Breakfast? I had to go in. Holding doors sometimes… “Love Is an Open Door?” Fuck did I only now get that song? When I was still living with my Olds, I needed to close the door. There were no closed doors when it came to me and B III. Yeah, there were baby gates, but I never closed the door unless I was wrong? I always invited Braxton’s aunt in. M Anime has an invitation. Cherry’s dress was hanging on the door… Hell, I should do myself another favor. What do I want from myself? Favors, Blessings Without Fine Print.

Gospel 305 ~B III, B IV~

456 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 304 ~Ways To B Bad~

WillLeave a comment

“Bad” things I’ve spent money on… pistol, porno, plenty of food (B was always hungry.) His Aunt, though, fixed him a cake so full he actually threw in the towel. I got gifts to buy with birthdays and a week to endure and survive. “Ways To B Bad”

Sunday, May 1, 2022

Chronicle 304 ~Ways To B Bad~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but is it sad, mad, or bad that you aren’t as well? With mornings like this, right.

It’s sad that you didn’t participate in Camp NaNoWriMo last month, not a day. “For the First Time in Forever.” If you haven’t been listening to Succubus Lord, play Disney. Speaking of Disney, don’t forget to buy Braxton’s Aunt a little bit of each for her birthday on Star Wars Day. With all the reasons to be sad, what’s one more. The fact that you won’t be spending this one in front of the TV. Hell! Like Succubus Lord, you know the stories so well that you could listen and never be lost. “And isn’t it ironic… don’t you think?” I talk about not being lost, but you won’t listen to me. Makes me wonder why you woke up late. That and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Pawverbs for a Dog Lover’s Heart: Inspiring Stories of…
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 000 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Because it’s mad to wake up to failure at the beginning of every week. Hell, it’s mad to get up at all some mornings. You don’t want to go sounding like Cherry now. B would never forgive me for that. I’ve said often enough he spent his life protecting me always. And as the song goes, “He Lives In You.” I swear three different Disney references. From Frozen, The Lion King, and (sigh) Star Wars. You’re trying hard not to forget your friends, or at least Yabbos you haven’t seen, with M Anime and Cherry. M Anime talks about “going soldier.” It’s madness that we all haven’t with life. One more reason you continue studying death. “Perpetually trapped… in a never-ending spiral.” Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing When Your Pet Dies: A Guide to Mourning, Remembering…
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Even knowing this is bad. But yeah, it was getting a little too cute. Either way, both get you into trouble, and it’s not like you’re going to listen to me anyway. Last week’s lessons. Take Monday, for example. You shouldn’t wait so long to get help. The money spent… On that note, 20 X 52 is 1,040. You hate math. So honor B III without the food and treats? I’d ask you to lay off “adult entertainment,” but this week brings its “humiliations galore.” So while you’re getting gifts for Carolina. And imagining Cherry with nothing on, buy something… I don’t know what, but don’t give the Day Job this Day (sigh). Inevitable. You and Braxton, Bad Boys For Life. Ways To B Bad

Gospel 304 ~Will You Just B~

455 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 303 ~Busy Living, B Dying~

WillLeave a comment

I think I’ve only “lived” four days ever, and two of them I regret. E-Day and the day my boy died. And the other two… it’s way too early, and I got things to do. I always have something but never in my best interest or B’s. Busy Living, B Dying.

Saturday, April 30, 2022

Chronicle 303 ~Busy Living, B Dying~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but it still wouldn’t make sense… B’s passing. I told M Anime we have a price.

$155.01 That’s how much I made the week B died. $234.90 is the amount he died for. That’s the week I was working as he lay dying. Until this second, I never bothered to look. I still keep all the paperwork from his first exam at the beginning of the month to my guilty plea. Hell, the evidence that shows what I did. But why am I bringing this up? Never can tell with these things, Lady Lunalesca. I wake up every morning saying, NO! Should I be “happy” that I’m being reimbursed for getting fucked free of earwax, hehe? What about the fact that I have security for another year? Paycheck disappeared so fast. If only M Anime saw it, what would she think?

A great man once said, “It Doesn’t Matter.” Lunalesca, I know I was disgusted with myself despite my productivity yesterday. Creaming all over the bedsheets. Like Johnny Lawrence finding the internet in Cobra Kai. What I deserve, napping or masturbating. Why am I being so crude today? I woke up on time… okay, fifteen minutes late after shutting off the alarm. One more thing to piss me off today. If it was the Day Job? Fuck! The days I jump out of bed because, as I said. This way or that, I am fucked, Luna. Yet this morning, it wasn’t as if I was sleeping anyway or better, resting, recovering. After Monday, I can’t even sleep as I choose. I keep thinking I’ll be deaf.

That’s not a dig at those who are Lady Lunalesca. Wasn’t I blessed to have one ear? And aren’t I blessed that after an hour at the doctor’s office, I have two, and then what Lunalesca? Cherry asked me to send a page of my work to her as she works on her editing gig. I got an email from a guy who saw my reviews (hmm) and wants me to do one for him. Even B III… I was busy reading, and I still know, feel, believe I can’t pick up another “normal” book. You know one, not about grieving and mourning? Not that I mind that much. Existing. For damn sure, I ain’t living. 454 Days, dick in hand. Busy Living, B Dying.

Gospel 303 ~Hello, Hello, Monsieur B~

454 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 301 ~Want To B Heard~

WillLeave a comment

I should have listened to B. It was on a Wednesday when he was crying. And I tuned him out because I was so angry and tired. I didn’t even have the excuse of being deaf in one ear, which I got fixed. I’m always listening now. Does he Want To B Heard?

Thursday, April 28, 2022

Chronicle 301 ~Want To B Heard~

452 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Usually, your tail would tell me so. Your cries of glee. Once before the end…

These memories B III have a way of sneaking up on me from time to time. As I’ve said often enough. There are always tears for you. Looking at the time 3:48 PM. Bawling! Ok, as I was trying to say, months before the end. Your granddad was here. And you were in your bed shaking, scared to death. The wrong choice of words, but when I came back here… Old as you were, you came running and leaped into my arms. Do you remember when we fought him B, side by side years ago? The same blood, same mud, or the wood floor B. “No retreat, baby, no surrender.” How about this, for he who sheds his blood with me shall be my brother.

Pain is how we understood each other, Braxton. My pain from this whole damn world. There was all the hurt that I tried to protect you from. Dammit, tried to save myself, and what did that get you? I think of it every day. And now, when I escape punishment? Peace be still… sorry I’m getting all preachy. You know I found serenity while reading. Braxton There was the peace in my ranting, raving on things not Day Job-related. Braxton, the most peace I had on the other side of war, hell in a lifetime of war. Those nights, we would sit on the loveseat with your Aunt Carolina Bound watching movies. The closest you got to having the family I promised all the time.

And now I return to that dream I had Monday night when I was back in the doctor’s office asking my Ma, are you waiting for me? Of course, she knows you’re gone. The Meaning? If I had to guess… I sat on the bench on your last day as they ran your final check-up. The vet handed you back as a storm raged outside. The vet said there was nothing that could be done for you now. At that moment, Braxton, your Daddy, disappeared. I became a monster. The books say you wouldn’t want to hurt me, but the pain is our communication. Inevitable. Are you trying to tell me something? I suffered, wanting to hear again. Speak to me! Want To B Heard

Gospel 301 ~Can Count On B~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad