Tag: Last Day

Meditation 231 ~Press B For Strength~

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I feel his hand on my brain, Tupac said of God. My little God, my Braxton… Ahem, I feel his butt on my head, so I get up and go out and let B do his thang. So I got up to batter the keys and not the bed. Am I better? Stronger? ‘Press B For Strength.”

Monday, February 17, 2025

Meditation 231 ~Press B For Strength~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Birthday Cake… I know it’s not your favorite subject. But as long as we’re talking about me. Not you.

And isn’t that why I’m here? While I’ll always be here. Warming up your legs… Because it can’t only be the cold. It’s a bad habit, Dad, to lie in bed all day. Though I know, I agree with you. It was “Almost Heaven, West Virginia…” Stick to barking. Right?

That’s one more thing that would get you out of bed. Why do you imagine my paradise waiting for you beside the Rainbow Bridge is one big bed surrounded by my favorite foods on all sides? Especially with the way I left you. I couldn’t eat at all. Sorry, Daddy.

Today, you imagine me as your Ee’char from one of those shows we’d watch in the “glow box” sometimes. Remember those times, Daddy? And what happened to him? Don’t cry.

You said a few days ago that you write down questions you’ve answered. Broken record…

But if I need to repeat it, okay. It’s not your fault. What you did to my still beating heart… I understand, Daddy. I know.

“Cast in the name of God, Ye not Guilty” ―

There are so many things from the “glow boxes” today, aren’t there? Anyway, dear father.

What is it I’m trying to say? With these hands, your hands, the hands of he who will forever be my best friend, brother, a believer of a better world. Father, Dad, and my protector. You are neither a murderer nor an executioner. So, who are you? That’s yet another question, and here is my answer, Dad. You are better than this always and forever.

The hands that went to battle for me when we faced the ‘Hounds of Hell,’ i.e., other humans’ fur buddies, can build a whole new world. It’ll be Virgil’s, Daddy. Virgil, my little brother, is my legacy and your responsibility. However long it may take, I ask that you don’t take too long with him. Virgil Vivi Bradford is my little brother, and he is your son. Daddy, I ask you to be kind, please.

Don’t be troubled by all the bucks you would tell me about. Or the two B’s in Yabbos that would have you sending me away and on your belly. Or the bites of food that remain in that cold box, which I could feel in the food place sometimes. Be good. Press B For Strength

“We who send you the signs know you very well. We understand you. We love you. We always have. We always will.” ―
Kate McGahan Jack McAfghan
Pawprints from Heaven

“No day shall erase you from the memory of time.”
― Virgil
Publius Vergilius Maro

1478 Days Without B III, Day 919 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 227 ~Braxton’s Heart, Virgil’s Lungs~

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What hurts the most, E-Day or B’s Birthday? I’m too old. And the odds that Braxton could make it to twenty… But it was my plan. And how did I spend the day? B’s future stepmom may be my Valentine. Speaking of hearts… “Braxton’s Heart, Virgil’s Lungs”

Thursday, February 13, 2025

Meditation 227 ~Braxton’s Heart, Virgil’s Lungs~

1474 Days Without B III, Day 915 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? For a second, I figured I was gonna have (takes a breath) a Lovely Day.

After all, it is your birthday. Happy Birthday, Braxton Barks Bradford, B III, my son. Twenty is a big number, my beloved son. Should I say that I prefer fifteen? That’s how old you were when you left. But I was twenty when I met you, B. Then there’s money. The money needed for your heart condition. But in the end, it was your kidneys. Must we talk about this now? The fact that I didn’t buy your traditional birthday lunch. And with everything I’m going to spend between today and tomorrow. The fifteenth Braxton…

Will I stop crying over you? It’s been four years. And speaking of crying, I need to talk to your aunt. She has her tears. There’s Cherry and M Anime…

Cherry has a set of lungs on her, amongst other things… Seriously, Braxton, I should have gotten you one of those vests to be my emotional support pet. Would they let you in a gentlemen’s club then? You like women’s assets as much as I do. But what about Virgil?

That boy sure can howl. I don’t think he and I were crying about the same thing, though. I cry because you left. And if you had made it to twenty… I would have stuffed your belly with all-you-can-eat. I remember you had a bottomless stomach until your aunt made a cake. It was that good to you. I’d never seen you happier… Sadder. A decent memory. What about me? Selfish as always, but Braxton…

I did ask M Anime to be my Valentine. I get another chance at that. Do you remember how last year went down…? In flames. And again, how about the previous four years, B III.

You’re My Latest, My Greatest Inspiration. I hear you, Braxton; save it for M Anime. Today and tomorrow, I’ll be lucky if I hear anything at all with Virgil’s barking. Don’t forget why I was so rushed to get back today. I forgot all about our annual birthday pic. I need to get on that, but I was busy getting on Reika Kurashiki. I’m scum.

Braxton, did somebody call me? A part of me, anyway. Heart, mind, and soul are my gifts to you. Happy Birthday. Braxton’s Heart, Virgil’s Lungs.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 224 ~On B’s Being Popular~

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After all the likes I got, I’ve been a busy bee with videos of the queen… queens. But what of my son? Four years ago, I got him back in a box. And how do I choose to remember him? How does he remember me? And all these people… “On B’s Being Popular.”

Monday, February 10, 2025

Meditation 224 ~On B’s Being Popular~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… I have a question. And, of course, I start with food. When was the last time we had honey?

You see honey buns at the bad place all the time. You know, the place that always took you away from me. The reason you were so tired and mad whenever you came back home.

Home? I know you don’t like that word. And even now, you’re crying because today… Four years ago, you got a call that I was ready to be returned to you… That I was prepared to come home. It wasn’t on my own four legs. A box. A baggie. Brother.

Inevitable, wasn’t it, brother, my brother? My Dad. You said it yourself, twenty years, Dad. I got fifteen. And I wish those were the years you would see. 20/20 vision. Do you see what I did there? Pesky eye doctors.

But the world didn’t end on Thursday, December 31st 2020. It didn’t end on Sunday, January 31st 2021. And as much as you wish for it. Daddy, it didn’t end with E-Day either, and you know why that is. You were meant to be my Daddy. I became your son. Always and forever. Neither one of us becoming the Cool Kids, though you promised. Remember.

You would be like Dennis Hof, and I would be your Domino. Will Bradford and Braxton Bradford. Which explains what you were working on this morning. Being cool with people…

“Popular! You’re gonna be popular!” But for what? It didn’t matter why or when, Dad. We had each other. And with me, your sonny, the money, and the right honey…

Didn’t M Anime come a-calling yesterday? Daddy, will you ask her to be your Valentine?

Again, you were working at the glow box this morning because everyone was as excited as I was whenever my favorite girl came around. She had great big “mountains,” Daddy.

GokuSen? Is that a buried memory? The two of us watched that together. Good times.

That’s my roundabout way of saying this, Dad. Bees aren’t remembered for their sting or the pain they may inflict. But for what they produce. The honey. They say if bees die, then people don’t have long. Daddy, you’re my person, and like Black Panther…

Daddy, I never yielded, and as you can see, I’m not dead. I’m B, Celebrate that! On B’s Being Popular

“You think you’re good? Who is left that you love? Who do you fight for?”
― Morning Star, Pierce Brown

“Let me rage before I die.”
― Virgil, The Aeneid

1471 Days Without B III, Day 912 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 220 ~My Grade, B, Virgil~

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I NEARLY failed “Math In Society.” It is the easiest math class in school. Oh, and how much was “my” tax refund… Virgil is learning how to be quiet. Braxton has a Master’s in that, seeing as I sent him to the Rainbow Bridge. My Grade, B, Virgil.

Thursday, February 6, 2025

Meditation 220 ~My Grade, B, Virgil~

1467 Days Without B III, Day 908 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? If you were still teaching me to live and love… We aren’t much for laughter.

It’s not that we don’t laugh. You were here with your aunt and I. Movie nights, I laugh plenty. But laughter hurts more than tears, so I’ve been crying for two weeks straight, B III.

So I should laugh… Because I ENDED you B III. Euthanasia isn’t funny. I’m just a sucker for pain. Hmm.

I was back in school, though I had no choice being a kid. And now, at forty, I’m studying Live, Laugh, Love vs. Eat, Pray, Love. Eating, praying, laughing. No! You’re gone. And what money?

You weren’t one to teach me finances. Do you remember how much your dying cost? Braxton, I know that’s a sore subject. But I’ve studied that day for four years. Why’d you have to go?

There was so much more for you to teach. And as I said, live and love. I’m failing at both.

Virgil Vivi is a testament to that. He’s been here around two years and some change, and he has no idea how to be a dog. I remember being tasked with teaching you how to be a dog. Yeah, Braxton, you didn’t take to that too well. So then I raised you as my son, and in that, I succeeded. How’s that? Braxton, you’re a better man. Take a look at me now… B III?

Seriously, how can I teach Virgil anything between pop culture, i.e., living in a “Vivarium.” And how you talk to me through music. Even now, Joe Public’s “Live and Learn.”

Not that I blame you, Braxton. Ignorance is Bliss, or Ignorance is Strength. I’m learning…

Well, nothing at all. And I can’t say I want to. That is why I’m listening to Eric Vall again. I read books on pet loss. They all tell me what I should know. It’s not your fault… Me, you?

That the fact that I exist is worse. Next to nothing. According to the federal government, it’s $1,069. Does that sound like a man who provides for his family, Braxton? Virgil eats every day, but that’s about it. He eats, sleeps, and cries whenever I leave the house. B III?

I’ve taught him that. I find it kind of funny; I find it kind of sad. My Grade, B, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 217 ~Will You B III~

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“The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had,” I had one of those last night. But for 15 years, I had my son. And over a year later, I promised another fur buddy I’d look out for him. But being brave, blessed, and better. Will You B III.

Monday, February 3, 2025

Meditation 217 ~Will You B III~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Braxton Barks Bradford. Daddy, you’ve eulogized, prayed, and remembered me for a week, months, four years. 1464 Days Later…

And your first thought of me is not of my passing but of my might. Why can’t every day be like this? No. You would prefer to think that “Everyday Will Be Like a Holiday.” Moments where a song like “Something Just Like This” doesn’t make you cringe or cower.

Again, when you “Woke Up This Morning,” it was not cowardice, death, or embarrassment that you wanted. No, it was courage, Daddy; enough for today.

Courageous. Thou art courageous, my father. Not only for today. Or the next few hours.

Always and forever, as you taught me. All the times, I cried but not on my last day. I didn’t. I lived bravely. I live bravely. I live in you, always, forever, your Golden Son.

How would I know such things if I were not still with you? I was there when you began reading Pierce Brown’s books. I was there as you read Satan’s Sorority Girls 8… Don’t worry, Daddy, I was asleep on your chest as usual… Why do you think Virgil moved?

“Make Room! Make Room!” But speaking of books, Daddy, what about the Bible? The Beatitudes. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Is that what we’re doing here, Daddy? We are not men of faith. Didn’t you call yourself an atheist too?

But then you would tell anybody and everybody that a soul like mine couldn’t vanish.

Daddy is always right because I didn’t. I’m with you, the Jung-bae to your Gi-hun.

I need you to believe in better, not only in your bravery and courage, or that you will be blessed. I need you to believe that you will make it through. Well, everything… You’re Dad.

Yes, it is Grandpa that has you all up in arms. As if I don’t remember. Literally! Grandpa would stop by when you weren’t here, and maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t so brave, Dad, ha.

But you would walk in, and I’d leap into your arms, and I knew you would protect me, Dad. Because that’s what Dads do. Such a thought… And you do that now, always and forever, by being who you’ve always been, even if you don’t believe it. Brave, blessed, and better. Will You B III

“My son, my daughter, now that you bleed, you shall know no fear, no defeat, only victory. Your cowardice seeps from you. Your rage burns bright. Rise, warrior of Gold, and take with you your Color’s might.”
― Golden Son

“Death twitches my ear;
‘Live,’ he says…
‘I’m coming.”
Virgil

1464 Days Without B III, Day 905 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 213 ~No Plan B, Virgil~

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R.I.P. Braxton. No, that would be tomorrow, the 31st. Four years ago, no food was in the house, and Braxton wasn’t eating his. Why did I even go out? I should have starved myself with him because without him… There’s No Plan B, Virgil.

Thursday, January 30, 2025

Meditation 213 ~No Plan B, Virgil~

1460 Days Without B III, Day 901 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Can we pretend it’s another day I don’t want to talk about for a while?

The day BEFORE you died. I wasn’t planning on it. Ha, neither were you, Braxton.

Always and Forever; that was the plan. And if I could do it all again, B. Like you sent me:

When does the reason become the blame?
When does a man become a monster?
Forgive me
― Just A Man

I’ve been thinking about this query all day. And at the Day Job, I got my answer B III. Um…

It’s when I had you euthanized. I swear all the books I’ve read about the “good death,” Little Braxton. What is the plan for me to see it that way and not Ninth Circle worthy?

Treachery and the price of said treachery, I readily accept. But Acceptance of your loss…

NEVER! So, my son, what are my weekend plans? Hmm.

As I said, the day before you died, four years ago, I was here, Gospel 213 “Will “B” Seeing You.” Braxton, last year it was Tale 213, “To B Okay, Virgil.” If Virgil wasn’t here…

However, Virgil is here. Only I should have followed you to the bridge. Rainbow Bridge? I ain’t getting into Heaven. Even if my greatest accomplishment in life was the way I loved you. I love you still, my son. And if what I did was the greatest love and mercy…

Braxton, I did not plan on living this way. And to plan on dying… Do not tempt me B III. I survived your… ascendance that first year alone. And Virgil arrived in August of 2022.

He’s been here 901 Days.

But you have been gone 1460 Days. And “tomorrow and tomorrow, and tomorrow” B III.

I plan to talk to the ladies, Sophia and Luna, so I can spend the day remembering you, B, and nothing else. I’ll need to move everything back upstairs like it was. As you know…

TRADITION, tradition! Tradition! And no, B, I won’t be watching Fiddler on the Roof. Only there will be movies and McDonald’s because you love their fries. And BBQ for dinner.

But what movies and how much will I cry? Blood, sweat, and tears, Braxton. Inevitable. Blood on my hands. Again, if Virgil wasn’t here… Not enough sweat to save you. And if only tears could bring you back to me. There’s No Plan B, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 210 ~Will B Another Day~

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The day I was born is the day I want to forget. The day my son B died is a day that I’ll always remember. And so I relive it going on four years on the 31st. And if my son returned asking that I choose another day in our “lives.” “Will B Another Day”

Monday, January 27, 2025

Meditation 210 ~Will B Another Day~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… No choirs of angels, no gnashing of teeth, and when did I ever make friends of my own kind…

Though Gabriel was Aunt Georgia’s fur kid. There’s also Wishbone. As if I needed to know where your love of reading came from. He was named after a dog from the glowing box. There’s also his brother Jason… Ha, what a funny name. And a black Chow Chow with no name at all who came here much too young. But he and I both left in your arms, Dad. Not by choice, because who would ever want to leave you? Now and later on… Forever

Daddy, humans, and their numbers, but okay, I’ll bite, ha-ha. Sunday, January 31, 2021, okay. But here you are. No, here we are. It’s been four years, Dad. Well, it’s about to be so, Daddy…

What’s next? You don’t know.

How many times have you dreamed up Heaven for me? Hell? And the Rainbow Bridge…

All Dogs Go To Heaven, right? Though I doubt you’ll be watching that on Friday. However, do you remember when you said that Hell would be an endless series of doors to places you don’t want to be? For me, it would be that same series of doors. Only I could not protect you. You couldn’t pet me. And we could never find our place.

Remember, Dad, you said there was a place for us. People for us… though I was happy, just you and me. Plus, there would be a ton of food. Not one day, someday, another day.

“From Now On”… Only, “Every Day Is Exactly the Same”

The day I left you. But there were so many other days, Dad. How many days were there when I knew as you did… You would call to me, or you’d hear me come running…

Knowledge is stronger than belief. Will you be watching “The Book of Clarence” on Friday?

Anyway, you and I knew this, “I’m all yours, I’m not afraid. And you’re all mine,” and that was all. What are we, girls… Twilight? You know how I felt about girls other than grandma and my two aunts. But again, Dad, I know that reliving that one day… the day… I died. It’s insanity. But all the best people are crazy. Especially you, Dad. But could you choose another day? Will B Another Day.

I believe death is only a door. When it closes, another opens. If I cared to imagine a heaven, I would imagine a door opening, and behind it, I would find him there.
― Sonmi-451

The best days are the first to flee
― Virgil

1457 Days Without B III, Day 898 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 206 ~B Leaving Sucks Virgil~

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I tell Braxton and Virgil all the time that I’m leaving. It’d be worse if I took them along. The groomers, the vet’s office, or their grandparents. But if I go somewhere without them… Who returns is worse or won’t stay long. “B Leaving Sucks Virgil.”

Thursday, January 23, 2025

Meditation 206 ~B Leaving Sucks Virgil~

1453 Days Without B III, Day 894 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m still trying to pretend today didn’t happen. That would be Monday, January 20, 2025.

Martin Luther King Jr Day… While I wish I could have done something to honor Dr. King, I don’t have a problem with it. Your Daddy, an African-American Author, Braxton.

I find myself giving too much credit to my own strength. Let’s be Real, my little B. You spoke to me today. Whether it was a ghost, a spirit, or my own madness, I consider any communication from my firstborn son a blessing. It’s not an acceptance of your passing but a reminder of the pain I carry. Always, forever

Inevitably, that brings us to today. Joe Biden and Kamala Harris leaving and Trump’s Inauguration. I had to go back to bed because I got sick. I’ll stick close to the bathroom for a while.

I know Braxton. Eww! Better out than in. But speaking politically as Padmé Amidala said:

“So this is how liberty dies with thunderous applause” — Padmé Amidala, Revenge of the Sith

It’s not just the pain, sickness, and insanity that won’t leave. It’s our country’s state and your absence, Braxton. Don’t get me wrong, B, ‘Nothing compares. Nothing compares to you,’ as Sinéad O’Connor sang. But it’s one more song for your playlist. How many reminders of your absence are there…

Anything beats the voice of the US today… 3 days futuristically. Too Good at Goodbyes. At the same time, I refuse to utter those words. Ask anybody at the Day Job. That’s one more reason we’re talking today. With the Day Job, it’s always later because Virgil and I have to eat. This reminds me that I need to take that shrimp from the freezer.

However, that’s the rub, Braxton. I love leaving, but where do I go? Nowhere, Braxton.

“Where you gonna go, where you gonna run, where you gonna hide? Nowhere… ’cause there’s no one like you left.” — Carol Malone from Body Snatchers

Every day, I watch you, my greatest friend, and Virgil, a good dog who just wants to be loved, get left behind by me. But it’s not just them I leave. It’s the feeling of being alone because I leave for the worst things, Braxton.

Seriously, what happened to my positivity? I told myself it wouldn’t last. And with today? But I did get another book idea, revelation, epiphany… Again, that’s too much, Little B.

So my idea… When I end up in Hell, I will walk away from you, from one door to the next, leaving. I’ll climb out a bed to the Day Job, bathroom, and vet’s office over and over like Annie Collins-Nielsen, believing I’m alive. Breathing. How to escape. Remembering Virgil’s name. B Leaving Sucks Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 199 ~Plans B Thru V~

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Braxton wasn’t very good at planning, either. Like father, like son. The plan is to stay in bed or under it, in his case, and make the world go away. Like whatever I sniffed at the Day Job has me all queasy. But there’s life… Plans B Thru V

Thursday, January 16, 2025

Meditation 199 ~Plans B Thru V~

1446 Days Without B III, Day 887 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m still a day away, or rather 1446. We’re going on four long years, son.

Eff! I’m effed! You’re effed! Everything is effed! And not in the Carrie Cummings sort of way. The cute chick I was looking up this Wednesday, January 15, 2025. (Drools). From plans to pornography, everything seems to be in disarray.

Braxton, I know. Eww! I’m supposed to be positive. But today, I’ve been going back and forth between being sick. It’s Been a tough day, B III. It’s like a never-ending cycle, son. Whenever I get over one thing, like earwax, there’s always something else.

A queasy stomach? And my leg as well. It’s like the moment I’m headed out to the Day Job, Braxton, my leg is on fire. And with what’s happening on Monday B. Run Boy Run?

I should be making plans to live, somehow, someway. But I really want, Braxton, to find a way to connect with you. You were/are my son, Braxton. Always and Forever.

As the song goes, “I don’t fear shh but tomorrow.” I’m a black man, a Dad, and for a few minutes… uh, a writer. But Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream. And brother Malcolm:

“In fact, not even as an American, because if I was an American, the problem that confronts our people today wouldn’t even exist. So I have to stand here today as what I was when I was born: a black man. Before there was any such thing as a Republican or a Democrat, we were black.” ― Malcolm X (1992)

I swear, even if I knew what to do, I wouldn’t know what to do. There’s the Inauguration of a racist. THEY won’t like me saying that. You and me, Braxton, “We men, ain’t we?”

There’s the fact I’m becoming broker and broker Day Job-wise. I don’t wanna work… Huh?

Then how will I pay for all the things Virgil desperately needs? And when I can remember the name of the living, what about you, Braxton? Because starting the twenty-fifth…

What’s another week of remembrance? How do I honor you?

I haven’t read a book on Pet Loss so far this year. A part of me wants to perform the burning of the funeral garments like in Black Panther: Wakanda Forever. Uh, didn’t I, B?

Your box is sitting here, and I’ve only opened it once. And I owe you so many gifts, my son. But you tell me that you’re still here. Whatever will you tell me next week?

Recovering from everything from this month, what will I be doing in February? M Anime? Boy, don’t I wish! But she wouldn’t appreciate that. I asked to be her Valentine last year…She forgot, B. She’s got no plans to be your stepmom or my conquest. Revelations, dreams, a plan B. Thinking… Plans B Thru V

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 192 ~X, B, V, Unknowns~

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When Braxton was around, this bed was good for one thing… Sleeping. Because who knows what would happen if I went beyond the door’s threshold. Food. Fury. Female Friends. But always there was the problem of FEAR. So positivity? X, B, V, Unknowns

Thursday, January 9, 2025

Meditation 192 ~X, B, V, Unknowns~

1439 Days Without B III, Day 880 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day, you’d ask… After napping too long. How it was or what I did…

At this particular moment, I’m feeling lost, B. I’m wiping the tears from my face, struggling to be positive. I’ve even talked to Inspector Echo about FEAR, PAIN, and RAGE, my boy. You know your Dad can be a bit hot-headed for any number of reasons. But it comes to…

Stupidity. I want to ask you how you grew up so fast. Because being here…

Braxton, I know, I know! Again positivity. But everything, everyone, and everywhere makes no sense to me. It’s like I tell people all the time. I’m here. This point, space, and time. And like those same people B III It’s me, hi. I’m the problem; it’s me. Dear ole’ Dad.

Today, though, at this very moment, the thing that scares me is the Day Job. eSign Topper Change… Doesn’t look like anything to me. Even if you knew what to do you wouldn’t know what to do. It’s all Greek to me. And is there anything else from Pop Culture?

How about play? That ain’t something we should speak on. But my Dad never taught me about women. And now I’m into Judy Alvarez, who reminds me of a tattooed Irish lass. Sextra Credit. And now I have a thing for sisters, B. You swore off women… Not your aunt.

Thinking about our movie nights with her and food… I got forty dollars, Braxton. How do I live off that? It wouldn’t bother you any.

That was a bad joke, I know, but the fact that I could make it with how you passed away… But Virgil is here, and he’s still unknown. Even though you passed, goin on four long years. Still wakin’ up at late at night cryin’ tears. R. Kelly? Seriously? Disgusting!

Changing the subject… What book should I read next, B? I finished “It Can’t Happen Here.” I value your opinion, my boy. Though back in the day you left all the reading to me. Right?

There’s also TV. I finished the second season of Squid Game on Tuesday. Any thoughts? Well, other than that, I was Gi-hun, and you were Jung-bae. And I… The friendship?

Being positive? What will I do to honor you and to remember? Running late. Because into the unknown… I would rather sleep. You know about that. X, B, V, Unknowns

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad