Tag: Rage

Saga 293 ~Braxton, Virgil, Twice Shy~

WillLeave a comment

Once Bitten, Twice Shy… A phrase? On my playlist? The reminder of a pup while at the Day Job. Hell! Why was I even there? B needed food, and he ain’t here no more. The other pup has an upcoming vet visit. The long walk? No! Braxton, Virgil, Twice Shy

Thursday, April 20, 2023

Saga 293 ~Braxton, Virgil, Twice Shy~

809 Days Without B III, Day 250 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I would be if you were still here. Or I had that billion, I promised.

I’ve always wanted to kill someone. Whoa, Dude! Is that your voice I’m hearing, or am I talking to myself? I have a lot of explaining to do. You know how that goes. The time… Okay, you’ll be happy to know that I didn’t spend all of it sleeping as is my way B III. Reveling in food, reading, and effing raging at myself for today. Two out of three. Anyway, how does that equate to me wanting to kill anyone? I’m always angry, Braxton. So, I’m sharing with the freeloader… Okay, Virgil. He tried taking my fingers off… with the food. Once bitten, twice shy, aha; continuing on. If I lost a finger, I’d never feed 2V ever again. And killing? I killed you.

I’ve always wanted to uh… Let’s say join you. The police and others have been everywhere these past few days. Add to that the manager. I don’t need cops at the door. And I need to stay employed. For what it’s worth. But B, the idea of death doesn’t bother me. No, not ever. Yours did, fair enough. But my own? I’d only have to be lucky once. It crosses my mind more and more. Despite numerous attempts. Hell! You were there, Braxton, watching—something else to apologize for. I’d say I’ve always wanted to apologize—every day. B III, the last time I thought I was dying… Well, I remember the day you died, Sunday, January 31, 2021. And now Virgil Vivi’s appointment (sigh).

I’ve always wanted to save a life, Braxton. And isn’t this it? One more tough week, and now Virgil sees a doctor Friday. It scares me to death. I wish. Virgil Vivi needs his vaccination. And what about this existence? Once more, I’ve felt all sorts of ill. Or should I say a Republican? Yeah, a member of the GOP. Once again caught doing something wrong by a black person. Um, watching dog videos at the Day Job. I keep saying it. I miss you! I’ve always wanted to bring you back to me. Only I’m not reading about reincarnation. Once bitten and all that. Having killed the one I love, how could I ever? You live in me. And Virgil? Braxton, Virgil, Twice Shy

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 292 ~Humiliations B Gone Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Of all the words … I would say LOVE is the most misunderstood. But then again. “This Is America.” The one that nobody seems to get is FREEDOM. Now if you ask me to stay in my lane as a black man. My word is Humiliation. Humiliations B Gone Virgil

Wednesday, April 19, 2023

Saga 292 ~Humiliations B Gone Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and as much as I act like a Republican and an “American Idiot.” One word… FREEDOM!!!

No, I haven’t screamed that at the top of my lungs while I don’t know. Trying to storm the capital, going on right-wing news, or being disemboweled… eww. (Shudders). Now you know why I take treachery, treason, so damn seriously. My punishment for B? What day is it, 808? But also I’m time traveling. So I don’t know what humiliations I’ve faced on this day. At this precise moment, though, I’m humiliated and embarrassed. What about motivation? One of these days, I’m not sure before this one, I meditated, Echo. For the record, today’s meditation was horrible. I have to find the time. Time Inspector. We’ll get to that. Anyway, in one of the better meditations. They ask for the WHY. There it was, FREEDOM!

The FREEDOM to be humiliated? I was thinking about Bella Thorne last night. Oh! Not for that Inspector? Sorry Bella Thorne. I like “Lonely” and all but Inspector. I’m “freaky.” Freaky but not a freak, and we go all into that, okay. It’s like Dennis Leary in this movie um:

“I wanna run through the streets naked with green Jello all over my body reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the need to. Okay, pal?”
Demolition Man

Now if I were a better “man,” I might go the route of Posse (1993). A great man like King David (from the film) though I want to be Jesse Lee. Revenge? That’s something else I can say I want. Much like that feeling for “Sexual Healing,” it comes and goes. Did I say that?

“I’m talking about revolution without bullets. Revolution without violence or bloodshed. It’s easier to shoot a gun than it is to read a book. It’s easier to take a man’s life than it is to educate him and teach him about life. It’s easier to hate than it is to love.The revolution I’m talking about is a revolution of the mind and the spirit. And education, that’s the key. Education leads to freedom. Education is freedom. Education will teach you how to do it yourself as opposed to asking someone else to do it for you. And around it our own town… Freemanville!”
Posse (1993)

And 1993 was a good year, but what about something more current? Sucker Punch (2011) What’s My Age Again? Anyway:

“All I require from you is a slither of a moment. To have you not by force, but simply as a man and a women. To see in your eye, that simple truth, that you give yourself to me freely. Not because you have to, but because you want to. Now of course, for such a gem, I will give as well. I’m willing to give you freedom. Pure and total freedom. Freedom from the drudgery of everyday life. Freedom as abstract ideal. Freedom from pain. Freedom from responsibility. Freedom from guilt. From regret. Freedom from sadness. Freedom from loss. The freedom to be happy. Don’t close your eyes; I need you to look at me. The freedom to love.”
Deleted Scene, Sucker Punch (2011)

Okay, so FREEDOM or Humiliation? You know, I erased something I wanted to say, Echo. I talked about LUST a few days ago. Hell! The FREEDOM to be “As Nasty as They Wanna Be.” I’m way worse, Dear Echo. But that’s not why I’m a sinner, ashamed, and uh, guilty. A father’s greatest Humiliation is to be he who failed his children. Well, only Braxton. There’s the freeloader. I have to stop thinking that about Virgil Vivi. I know, Inspector. Do I want some FREEDOM back being without him? As if I’ve had FREEDOM Inspector. Even now, I sit here… I wanted to say a slave. Too far, Inspector? Much! But that is to exist. “Welcome to My Life” If only Humiliations B Gone Virgil.

808 Days Without B III, Day 249 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 289 ~Harder To B Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

“But I’m on the outside; I’m looking in. I can see through you, see your true colors. ‘Cause inside you’re ugly, you’re ugly like me.” Michael Jackson’s nicer, “Man in the Mirror.” If anyone, I’d like to be my son. Dealing with me? Harder To B Virgil

Sunday, April 16, 2023

Saga 289 ~Harder To B Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. By comparison, you’re blocking off a fence with the screen door panel. A metal chair… A lazy-ass.

Zombieland huh? “It’s tough growing up in Zombieland. It’s tough growing up.” Or would you prefer a bit of John Q. “I understand. It’s hard to be a man these days. Hard to know what the right thing is.” You will have little time to watch movies today. Nope! Hell! You haven’t even cried over Braxton today. But the day’s still so young (sigh). Approaching 9:00 AM. And I’ve made this week much harder than it should be… again. I’m sorry. You should save your apologies for Braxton. And a couple for Virgil Vivi. You’re not STUPID enough to ask, what about you? The fact that you’re even awake. Woke? Let’s not get into politics right now. Is life? Existence? Hard as Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING How to ROAR: Pet Loss Grief
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 100 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 107 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

And if the best man you’ve ever known couldn’t cope… What chance do you have? Existing has become so hard that I got you practicing meditation, even now. Is it helping? Yeah, you don’t want to answer that. One more reason fur babies don’t talk. Because… Well, if they did. Braxton was/is his father’s son. Like you, he’d scream obscenities, vulgarities, and the like. And why. You were about to say people don’t understand, right? If meditation has taught me anything. It’s the fact that even breathing is a struggle. Braxton knew this true enough but for you? “For You?” Or more like Staind’s “Outside.” Don’t go looking at YouTube now. It’s one of the reasons you have “Flow State” running now. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Pet Bereavement Matters: Understanding Pet Loss
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 107 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Because talking to yourself, the “Man in the Mirror,” is hard… B is somewhere laughing. Virgil’s all scared to death. Going from good women. To an effed-up grown man. (Laughs). Are you? Well, not in a good way, with you wasting an hour. Pornographic passions. It’s 9:30 now. And already, you can say that you’ve failed #6. You’ve been flirting with #4 too. Let’s not forget all the writing that must get done today, so eff #3. They’re my fault. The only thing I seem to accomplish is making existing that much worse every week. That’s a hard-ass legacy. Isn’t it? I’d ask what the eff you’re going to do about it. But, um, no. Harder than existing? Being without Braxton. Harder To B Virgil

805 Days Without B III, Day 246 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 288 ~B, My Motivation, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I wonder how most adults do it. No, not that! I had Virgil kick me out of bed. I went and meditated. 2V went outside to handle business. I had some coffee (cappuccino), whatever. And bought food instead of boobs. Now writing? B, My Motivation, Virgil

Saturday, April 15, 2023

Saga 288 ~B, My Motivation, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Or I should be by now, seeing I’m almost thirty-nine. Emergence Day is several months off.

And I will cry over that with a steak and lobster on that day. But as usual, I want to cry over Braxton. You see what time it is, Lady Lunalesca? I’ve only sobbed once so far. And yes, a bit of it was about Braxton as I looked at the backyard today. Virgil… complaining? Well, he should. But once again, I let him drive me from the bed. I’d call him a thief. But haven’t I stolen his chance at a much better life? Lunalesca, are the Rebeccas terrible. Please! They love pets enough to be at PetSmart every Saturday looking for good homes. And yet my motivation was to get Braxton out of this place. Dare I say, where I am, was home?

Lu, this is the part where I’d play “A Place Called Home.” Or should I give you a taste of Vietnam, Lunalesca? “We Gotta Get out of This Place?” My writing? I need to write. That’s what I’ve been feeling. Because every day I have to head to the Day Job. It’s like I’m going to war. Madness, Sadness, Fearfulness, take your pick Lunalesca. Three? Lunalesca, if you’re talking about threesomes. And I’m a bit sorry that I’m going to. Cherry hates it. Oh! How I wish I didn’t care so much about sex, either. Talk about a driving force. Do you remember when I was all into the Marquis de Sade? I still am. Lunalesca, anything that keeps me in bed… Is that motivating?

“Lust is to the other passions what the nervous fluid is to life; it supports them all, lends strength to them all ambition, cruelty, avarice, revenge, are all founded on lust.” ― Marquis de Sade

It’s not like I’m thinking about love at the moment. Money? How much writing do I have to do, Lunalesca? I gave up a day off to go and make more of it. Pittance but dollars. More like “Dollar dollar bill, y’all,” as the kids say. Lunalesca, this morning (sigh). How much did I spend on groceries? Before that, it was my second account. And let’s remember Amazon. Hell! Even more books. And then I have a cart full of sex toys and the sickness. Luna, I haven’t mentioned The Cherry Collision. Or The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident in a while. Keeping myself alive and out of trouble? For now, it’s questioning is Virgil, Braxton’s voice, or strange girls’ vaginas motivating? B, My Motivation, Virgil

804 Days Without B III, Day 245 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 286 ~Virgil, You’ll B Who~

WillLeave a comment

When I think about who I am and who I want to be. Can I go back before the Olds signed whatever in the hospital? Before I signed off on what would happen to B. More writing when V stepped into the world. B and I, we were just us. Virgil, You’ll B Who

Thursday, April 13, 2023

Saga 286 ~Virgil, You’ll B Who~

802 Days Without B III, Day 243 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s polite to ask. Isn’t it? I want to think the best part was me.

Am I feeling good about myself? Considering at the moment, it’s Monday, April 10, 2023. I know I won’t finish our conversation today. But I’m time traveling. And I can already tell you this week is going to suck. I know you can always say that I’m still alive right? But whoever I was the day you left died with you. And how many times has it been B III? I’m still mad at myself. Yes, always about what I did. But if we’re talking about more recent events. Today is Monday. I was supposed to tell Madam Justice all about Rule 287. It says, “Some Are Born Many Times.” I’m missing books on reincarnation. I think I’ve given up in a way—only Death.

Grim effing Reaper, Necromancer, a god? Way before meeting you, B, I had such dreams. Oh, no worries, Triple B; I was lazy then as I am now. Only why am I up right now? There are so many people making their way in this world. Studying medicine, though, Braxton? I’ve told you that there was a time when I wanted to be a veterinarian. One more thing I could’ve done to keep you alive. As far-fetched as it may seem. Because working on people… I don’t know people. And you know what they make me out to be, Braxton—being your Dad. I know who I was, who I am, and I was proud. And who I am now. Who I want to be.

Well, somebody who’s not crying, for starters. Is this because I’m thinking of your cute face? Or that I’m so tired. Be lazy, be dead, be me like father like son. You’d follow me anywhere. And if anything, I’m a dead man. All these books say you’ll beat us there. Rainbow Bridge? I wish I could be the kind that believed in that Braxton. But I wanted to believe in reincarnation too. And then I looked at Virgil, and for a moment, you will be… Popular? Hell! I post Virgil’s picture every day almost… An influencer that has a dog? Not me! And Virgil’s not you. I know that. Braxton, I want to be someone, not thinking of joining you daily. Virgil, You’ll B Who

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 285 ~Braxton Counts Virgil’s Colors~

WillLeave a comment

Are dogs colorblind? One of my last memories of Braxton, when he was nearly blind, was his running from his granddad into my arms. Hell! Green to live. Make his stepmom turn red. Black to join him. And V’s white. “Braxton Counts Virgil’s Colors”

Wednesday, April 13, 2023

Saga 285 ~Braxton Counts Virgil’s Colors~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m not in the lot that can paint with all the colors of the wind.

Hell! I’m having trouble seeing black and white. So that’s today’s first humiliation, sin. I’m time traveling, so today is Monday, April 10, 2023. Meaning this week’s gonna suck. Anyway, today I was supposed to write about Rule 287, “Some Are Born Many Times.” (Sigh) I’m still always thinking about my son. And his lack of reincarnation. V’s colors. Let me get this out. So I couldn’t read what I’d typed prior. And by accident, I repeated Rule 284. “Your Punchline Means My Punches.” Seriously, everything was sharper Sunday. Speaking of which, again, there’s Braxton and his brown, beige, or bronze coloring. My boy is/was the most beautiful thing ever. Then I remember seeing Virgil… Like Braxton spoke, “Can’t get more black and white, Dad.”

That was a mistake. Or maybe I’m crazy. I adored the brown around Virgil’s eyes. Inspector, you know I have an eye for the most beautiful things. Despite their expense. Shouldn’t I be eyeing green as in dollars? Again my focus has been shot to Hell. Well, since Sunday night. That was my loneliest time. Remember? The longest night without B. That was by the time you read this 801 days ago. Inspector, yesterday… I humiliated myself. Begging a girl I found on OnlyFans. Oops! Where’s all my money gone? As always, I would have spent way more than that for the “Lady In Red.” And no, I’m not talking about Ariela in Dirty Latina Maids. Though remembering her Inspector… Opening my eyes now. Woke!

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention today’s shooting. Well, Monday. How does anybody open their eyes anymore? Hell! How does the GOP even sleep, hmm? Money, Inspector? Again something else we have in common because I would rather be lost to the blackness. Inspector, what I mean is, if I had my way. I’d be with my B III… Know what that means? I would lose myself to the darkness I have inside me. Always and forever, Inspector. Braxton’s little brown hairs on my clothes. His love and protection. My pendant of us. And Virgil is as white as a ghost, ha-ha. But three black spots and brown around his eyes that wait. Everyone’s waiting for the black man. Braxton Counts Virgil’s Colors.

801 Days Without B III, Day 242 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 282 ~To B’s Level V~

WillLeave a comment

Get on my level… um, yeah. Braxton had a look he would give me. Like every time, I was STUP… well, less than his Dad, anyway. Or when I wasn’t writing and instead watching YouTube. And the time I wasted on Easter? What? I ain’t Jesus. To B’s Level V.

Sunday, April 9, 2023

Saga 282 ~To B’s Level V~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means RISE and shine because life is good. A “Good Day,” “Lovely Day,” and so on.

RISE! Is that my advice to you today? Is that a challenge? It is the order, a gift, to Braxton. As it has been, going on 798 Days now. You RISE as a murderer. And considering you have done so, you have yet to face punishment. Dammit! If falling out of bed at 38 killed. If Virgil keeps pushing, you’ll bust your head on the vent this week. You can Hope. Define what HOPE is, like so many other words. To see Braxton again? If he did cross the “Rainbow Bridge,” up in Heaven, Elysium, some good place. Will you make it there? Braxton never showed me how. Good Dog? Not as foreign as “Deshi Basara.” Remember from The Dark Knight Rises? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Wait for Me in the Rainbow by Laura Vidal, Georgia Delena
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 093 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 100 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

The things you remember, like “Why Do We Fall?” The song, not the actual reasoning. How about the promise? Will you try not to be an asshole Republican today or tomorrow? We don’t “whitewash” or completely erase history here. Like Mike Enslin in “1408,” “We came here to get the story, and we don’t rattle, do we?” Message from Braxton. There’s also the line, “We’re here to do the job, and we don’t rattle.” You think you’re too deep into Pop Culture. Right? No denying that. But Braxton always did know how to reach you. Friend, son, brother… the best man you’ve ever known. And to think you raised him. You raised him (sigh). Put him on your level and then beyond. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING How to ROAR: Pet Loss Grief
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 100 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

And that’s why you’re trying to reach him through what? These Things. What about V? Hell! How many times have I failed? I was thinking about that. When I was trying to fix the blog yesterday. And when I talked to Cherry, she asked. “Is sex all you think about?” Yeah, feeling like the scum of the Earth. There’s also being “kicked off,” um… Anyway. Seeing as how it’s Easter Sunday and it was once tradition to watch “The Ten Commandments” (1956). Though you’re thinking more The Prince of Egypt” and that song from Boyz II Men, “I Will Get There.” Again promise to Triple B. Not then, but now. “Neva Eva,” get on my level, ho. Until you’ve lived, succeeded? To B’s Level V

798 Days Without B III, Day 239 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 281 ~B Shutting-Up Now V~

WillLeave a comment

Isn’t it ironic? THEY say I need to talk more. I know I need to shut up. I listened to them, and then… Surprise, surprise, I was right. The only thing I’ve ever been right about. Every day I question my decision on B. Then V? B Shutting-Up Now V

Saturday, April 8, 2023

Saga 281 ~B Shutting-Up Now V~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can be as loud as I want. But THEY say… Succeed in silence?

I’m sure I read that in a book somewhere. B III might know, being that’s pretty positive, so I’d read out loud. Reading isn’t the same without him. Existing isn’t the same. Hell! I could come back, and he’d cuddle up close, and I’d shut-up and shut-out the world, Lu. Books weren’t so much for shutting me up but, again, for the world. I’ve always wanted to say (and yet I haven’t). If I had to talk to people every day, there’d be nothing but swears. Some might prefer that. Better than asking women, “Would you give me oral pleasure?” We’ll get to that, Lady Lunalesca; yesterday’s news. I’m not learning any history, Mr. GOP. If I could treat everything like the Day Job. FUCK!

And you know how I have turned to the word effing Lady Lunalesca. Like my effing son is dead, he’s the main reason I won’t shut-up. I miss My Braxton. And even with the book I’m reading this week. I have never gone to Acceptance. And I never will, Lunalesca. If it’s not sadness, it’s RAGE. Every day I come down more and more on the side of the Infected. 28 Days Later, 28 Weeks Later, The Last of Us, Patient Zero, shall I continue. Lunalesca, that’s the problem. It could be why I watched movies with Braxton’s aunt, ha. I don’t hate her for moving away. And for the record, I don’t hate any woman. Some I dislike. Like a lot, a lot. Hate…

Oh, I hate plenty of things. But I’m trying Lady Lunalesca. As I told Cherry yesterday, I’ve started meditation. I need to do it more in the AM than at night. Too many people, Virgil. Now he makes me want to scream. It’s not the same. And V’s quitter than B. No wonder I’m still trying to figure him out. Plus, he sleeps, and I’m plenty lazy, you know, Lunalesca. Except for one thing… I wrote a rule, the second rule. “You Are Not A Caveman.” But when I’m moaning and groaning. At the very least, I’m not saying or writing anything STUPID or sharing it as I did with Cherry, Braxton’s Aunt, or M Anime. Braxton’s dead, Virgil’s quiet. Me? B Shutting-Up Now V.

797 Days Without B III, Day 238 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 279 ~Virgil Says, B Lazy~

WillLeave a comment

I was so lazy today. I didn’t remember how effed I felt yesterday. Or how about how sick I’ve been since when February 16? And with the Day Job, how many people do I owe money to? Well, B got out, and Virgil isn’t really helping. Virgil Says, B Lazy.

Thursday, April 6, 2023

Saga 279 ~Virgil Says, B Lazy~

795 Days Without B III, Day 236 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Am I even listening to you or anyone worthwhile? Well, to be honest, that’s you.

And I want to say I hear you, B. Hell! There was a time we could read each other’s minds. You never lost that ability, but you know how humans are. I was telling Inspector Echo last night that I’m not human. Only that would be an insult to the monster or savage I claim to be. Regardless. Today I have been lazy… And sick too. Remember those 4 AMs? I can’t say I’ve been doing much writing. And didn’t NaNoWriMo start up again, B? There was a time you would have wanted me to play with you all day. Or I would bring the laptop outside. And I would type as you run around; or bring your pillow. Nowadays, I’m listening to mine because of Virgil… I can’t say I understand him yet, B.

So I’m making it up that he’s happy. If I’m not being some asshole GOP Trumptard. Then I’m my Olds. Pretending that everything is okay and not wanting to hear a damn thing ever. Your last year on Earth, Braxton, you prepared me for this world to go to Hell. Because if I wasn’t going to get up off my ass to save it? I could at least save us. And how did that turn out? I failed you. And all I’ve been thinking about is how much I want to hear you again. Heartbeat, breath, those little grunts when I was annoying. Infamous looks? Those I remember most. You didn’t have to say anything.

Now, what am I listening to? My body? If that were the case, why not turn on the AC ha? I wish I could say it was this sickness, The Cherry Collision. Today’s better (snickers). There’s some girl you never met… Better known as M Anime, so texting all morning. There’s, of course, sex. But I never flaunted that in front of you. Endless punishment. Ironic. Isn’t it? I wanted you to get in trouble or do your own thing so I could do whatever; now, going on Day 97 (sigh). Hell! Not that you care to hear that or my record of 161 days. That’s what I call being lazy or sad. Not living but existing. Lazy and not dying? Virgil Says, B Lazy

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 278 ~Placed For B, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

What do you want to be when you grow up? Or who? I wanted to be Dennis Hof, and Braxton would be my Domino. I wouldn’t mind switching places with Johnny Sins. I want to write. Hell! To have a family. But where in this existence… Placed For B, Virgil.

Wednesday, March 29, 2023

Saga 278 ~Placed For B, Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Because I want to build myself a world; belong to one. Or bring my Braxton back.

But there is no place for either one of us here. I found that out yet again yesterday. And all day today, I’ve been losing my effing mind thinking… What happens to Virgil if I leave in one way or another? Speaking of which, I need to set up his vet appointment after counting so much cash. I would have more if my place weren’t in this bedroom. Hell! I should appreciate it, right, Inspector? Again I was terrified today. Effing Day Job. Then again, don’t I belong in Hell? I murdered my son, for starters. (Sigh) Inspector. There’s a word for what I’ve done… euthanasia. A place for my GRIEF, Inspector. Books. And then there’s my FEAR, DEPRESSION, and my endless RAGE. Going nowhere

Monsters live in nightmares, which is why I’m always dreaming. I am an effing monster. But at least that means there’s somewhere to go. There’s nowhere to be, Inspector, as I lied here last night with another foot in my ass again. And yes, Inspector, it was a well-deserved kick, even if I don’t know the circumstances. So, when have I ever been told such? Anyway, I was reading. And the book, like many others, talked about Braxton living within. Fair enough. But I see where his bed has moved. Inspector, his pillow was destroyed. Who’s eating out of his bowls now? And sleeping by my side as he has nowhere to be now? And like Virgil, I find myself placed and displaced. Always, forever

Ask me where I want to be, and the answer is simple. I want to be with Braxton. One more reason I’m mad at Virgil. Not abusive, only angry. And that’s not his fault. More mine for my cowardice that I didn’t join B III when I had the chance. I’m not learning from history. Republican 101. Except I don’t have a chance in Hell. Of sleeping with Stormy Daniels. With the lack of funds, between ensuring Virgil doesn’t suffer, Braxton’s Barks final fate ha. There’s always Akane wa Tsumare Somerareru and Saimin Seishidou, Inspector. Inspector, I could be creating the world of my dreams. Being a family man, an effing pervert, an effing man. Braxton’s Father. Monster, Savage, Human, gone. Placed For B, Virgil

794 Days Without B III, Day 235 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will