Tag: Anger

Meditation 090 ~Letters V. Numbers Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

A letter every Sunday to count up the week’s failures. Genius? But whoever called me that? Braxton thought I was for 15 years. But here I am at 40. And I knew better at 7. And isn’t 2V’s birthday soon? “Letters V. Numbers Braxton”

Sunday, September 29, 2024

Meditation 090 ~Letters V. Numbers Braxton~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And you could be looking better. Living. Loving. Live, Laugh, Love… And other things you won’t read.

Like the two novels I wrote for Braxton? Remember, it’s still September. And “Today is all about you.” I know, I know! My former self talked to me about the music references, too. But between listening to your Braxton’s ghost. The pitter-patter of Virgil being allowed into the room after… Well, you know how most of these mornings begin… Uh…

Dammed for your son being gone. Damn! You had to wake up. DAAAAAMN! The girl you’re looking at is ten, even without double Ds. Or they’re even bigger Yabbos. Or…

And you see, that’s why “One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do.” Give yourself a break. At least it didn’t take you an hour to quit moaning. Thirty-Five minutes. Now Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Camgirl Harem: Willow and Harper
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

“The Good Book” says it took God six days to create the Heavens and the Earth. So what? So, it was a standard workweek, and he got called in on a Saturday. No wonder “it’s” angry. And on the 7th, he rested and tried not to think about how, uh, yes, mistakes were made. Lots.

“There’s too many men, too many people
Making too many problems
And there’s not much love to go around.”
― Land of Confusion by Genesis

And here you are on your 7th day. Braxton breathed his last on a Sunday. Stop it! “It’s no surprise to me; I am my own worst enemy.” Stop it! And since “I got enemies, got a lot of enemies.” Seriously! “Many men wish death upon me.” You’re giving yourself far too much credit. It’s one of the reasons you have this list. To remember. Letters, Numbers Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Devil’s Bargain by Kelli Wolfe
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

The Letter is F. The Number is Zero or One. And to pour a little salt in the wound, this all started on Sunday, January 7, 2018, Lesson 190 ~Hot And You’re Cold~. It reached this “version” on Sunday, January 28, 2018, Lesson 211 ~Here’s To The F-Words~. I swear.

Seven years… If fifteen is your lucky number (Braxton’s Age). Then seven is… Stop It!

The critic is always saying I had to stay on topic. I’m sure you’ll hear that. But then again, with this week? The point is that it’s not letters/words or numbers today. It is about your actions, Will. They hold the power to change things.

But not sleeping, slapping the sausage, or salacious words. You must speak to your son.

And this letter? It’s not just another numbered failure. It’s a call to action. Please Act! Letters V. Numbers Braxton.

1337 Days Without B III, Day 778 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 086 ~Braxton’s Joy… Virgil Jokes~

WillLeave a comment

A little too serious? A joke? I don’t know. But Braxton was my joy. Virgil is too busy sleeping to laugh or make funny faces. And me? To be simple, I don’t want to go to work. Driving around as the Village Idiot. Braxton’s Joy… Virgil Jokes

Wednesday, September 25, 2024

Meditation 086 ~Braxton’s Joy… Virgil Jokes~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Do you know why I don’t have a voice anymore? Because it hurts. It lies. And it’s STUPID.

I can’t even be honest about my boys. I don’t know if Braxton feels joy. The Rainbow Bridge? “Our” Dream Heaven for him? The Gates of Hell… Because That’s where I’m going. And Virgil doesn’t joke even if I catch him with a happy face. But today isn’t about them. We’re nearing the end of “Emergence Month.” And just like the day, I find my greatest joy and existence’s cruelest joke is me on my back. Inspector, take a look:

Necrophilia is not my thing… Though I have a questionable search history. I like most of the girls in The Walking Dead and other apocalyptic media. I’m a bit sadistic.

Only it’s more to the tune of; I’m in love with the concept of dying. I swear last night, as I turned off the light and prepared to tell myself the story of Succubus Lord 12 for the umpteenth time. I said to myself. “You won’t have to wake up.” I’ve failed 40 years now.

Ironic. Braxton was supposed to be my apocalypse buddy. I dream of being a corpse.

Dreaming, Inspector. “When we pretend that we’re dead.” But last night, all I remember is the feeling of being hunted. That wouldn’t have anything to do with my Old Man being at the house when I left the Day Job. He said he and the roofing guy were coming by, Inspector. When I saw his truck, I turned around and sat in a parking lot for a spell. I so wanted to take a nap. I remember the days of downing sleeping pills and painkillers and just lying in bed. And after yesterday’s humilations galore… But no, my dear Inspector.

What did I do in that parking lot while munching on French Fries? I nearly finished reading Camgirl Harem: Willow and Harper. One more reason I wanted to get back to the house. What so I could make a video for OnlyFans? Or did I want to slither on my belly like a slug? Anything that makes me close my eyes, moan, and lose my breath…

Again, it is ironic that the action that produces life (when you’re with another person) can take the life out of you. And like The Watchmen, the comedian is dead. I wish I were.

What, joking? Again, I can’t think about joining Braxton right now. Everything is falling apart. And with what happened at the Day Job, I don’t need to sleep. And the only benefit of my sadness is that I’m not in the mood for women right now. And maybe that’s the antidote? Being damned with STUPIDITY kills my libido. Did I mean poison instead of cure? Like the difference between jokes and joy. I can laugh. But if I could laugh myself to death and fall right on my back. That’s bliss. Braxton’s Joy… Virgil Jokes
1333 Days Without B III, Day 774 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 084 ~Knowledge Is More Powerful Unshared~

WillLeave a comment

Monday, September 23, 2024

Meditation 084 ~Knowledge Is More Powerful Unshared~

Three-Hundredth And Sixty-Second Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Especially since I talk too much. (Pause for laughter). Talking to who? Braxton’s Aunt, Cherry, M Anime…

What about B? Can’t I give him the month off with Emergence Day? Why not let him rest in peace? I look at B’s Euthanasia the same way Negan brained Baxter in The Walking Dead Episode 10×22 Here’s Negan. You best hope I never stop talking because when I do… When I do, something very terrible is gonna happen to you. Uh, B III’s gone.

This may sound like a confession to Inspector Echo. But do you remember when I was afraid to say Braxton’s name? Somebody hacked me once, and a friend caught on because they didn’t know my son’s name. So, I kept Braxton’s name secret. B III was my little Dæmon. And didn’t I say I wouldn’t do this, my dear Madam?

Excuse me, today is Friday, September 20, 2024. And what do I know more about than my B? I should invoke his name more often because it keeps me from thinking about my big black… uh, having blue balls. It’s been a HARD day, Madam. And telling people that. Ha!

M Anime would ignore me. Cherry would go silent. And Braxton’s Aunt… Not the time.

I don’t know anything about women, but as Sir Mix-A-Lot put it: “When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist. And a round thing in your face. You get sprung.” Uh, not only…

Cherry, Piper Niven, Estella Bathory, Harmony Reigns, Mariah Mallard. BBW’s…

Actresses, “The hottest girls in the nastiest situations…” I research. Study. And I read lots.

And that’s knowledge I should keep for me. But I’m a writer. I strive to be an open book. If I ever published one. But as I told Lady Sophia today. My book, “Sofía’s Nightmare…”

I don’t have qualms about showing off my body. But my big head and the face to go with it. “No face as hideous as my face.” Should I mention I know plenty about Disney? And none of my kids walk on two legs. What can I say? I’m also a Star Wars fan. Madam, I know bad people in certain countries, but I know about Trump and Vance here.

There are my political affiliations. The pervy things I do and all my spent pennies.

Knowledge Is More Powerful Unshared

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1331 Days Without B III, Day 772 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 083 ~Exhibit V, Defendant Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

Smooth Criminal… well, I’m not Mark Robinson or any Republican. I do happen to know a few Russians and Chinese people. And I’ve learned a bit about Crypto. Still, I know my worst two crimes. And I can dream up more. Exhibit V, Defendant Braxton.

Sunday, September 22, 2024

Meditation 083 ~Exhibit V, Defendant Braxton~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And you are not a caveman, cuck, or Smooth Criminal. But you dream you’re a Smooth Operator.

Please! It’s too early for music and too late to still be dreaming. And you or I had a doozy last night. It depends on when you or I entered REM sleep. Stop referencing music!

Seriously! You know that means “Rapid Eye Movement,” but that’s not the point. Did you forget you’re having trouble communicating this week? Emergence month sucks!

Anyway, I’m sure you’ll be crying over Braxton again soon. Or cleaning up Virgil’s mess.

But for now, remember the words of your “favorite” song… “All About You” I swear that song isn’t going anywhere. And some of it is in Portuguese. You don’t speak Spanish, either. “Mija?” M Anime would have a field day. Or Japanese. That brings us to today. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 7, Eric Vall (But One Book Ahead)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I’m sure you’ll enjoy failing yours as I have failed mine. The reading list changes… However, let’s talk about what dream had you saying, “You Shook Me All Night Long.”

(Rolls Eyes). You were hungry and decided you wanted pancakes. You went into the freezer and pulled out those frozen pancakes, but then you found that it was your father’s tablet with a picture of pancakes on it. There were two screens, and you broke one off. And cut the tablet like any type of food. Then, it was a picture of your father and your sister in broken chunks, and you ate the tablet. Uh, weird. But the only pain you felt was guilt.

You’ll need to think. Another excuse? Failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Camgirl Harem: Willow and Harper
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

The guilt (sigh) is sticking with you right now. The idea and conceptualization of the composition “Is It A Crime” by Sade. I swear you’re filling your ears with everything.

Anyway, you’re thinking, what have you done lately that’s not criminal but feels that way? For starters, sitting in bed just wasting your existence. You’ve had forty Emergence Days thus far. What have you done with them? To have a million dollars in a year… Do you remember that motivation? And speaking of motivation, what about all the “bad” men you want to be? I remember a day or so ago, I found a few videos from that group, GDP.

Braxton’s young life, Yabbos, and yelling about money. Bad Guy, Duh. Exhibit V, Defendant Braxton.

1330 Days Without B III, Day 771 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 079 ~Braxton’s Bus, Vigil’s Bussing~

WillLeave a comment

Home? I’m not paying for this place but watching it fall apart. Hug? When was my last one? Me being, Happy… But with the word “Bus?” I wonder how B III gets around. Wings? And 2-V is trying to be cleaner. As for myself? Braxton’s Bus, Vigil’s Bussing

Wednesday, September 18, 2024

Meditation 079 ~Braxton’s Bus, Vigil’s Bussing~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… What? I’m consumed by worry for my boys again. Or find myself in tears more than a week after my ‘Emergence Day.’ Seriously!

Braxton would not want to see me in tears after all this time. Little Virgil doesn’t need them, Inspector. I feel like a ship lost at sea, incapable of protecting, providing, or prioritizing our ‘lives.’ Oh, how I wish, Inspector.

I can’t help but selfishly focus on my own pain, Me, Myself and I! It’s a constant battle not to dwell on Braxton’s final moments after his Euthanasia. Or Virgil, cleaning up out of fear…

I wish this was only about my tears today. How many have there been on Friday, September 13, 2024? You should have seen me yesterday when the storm was tearing down a section of the fence. You’d think a grown man at the age of forty would have a plan.

Inspector, I have “concepts of a plan.” Ideas and strategies that could lead to success. Yeah, right! I could become president with that. This world… ‘I don’t want reality,’ as one senator put it. I’ve been watching a lot of political theater, myself becoming poorer and pro-baby-making activities. But where’s my attention? Three guesses, Inspector.

It should be on $48.00. I’m stocked up on drinks, thanks to Emergence Day. When do I ever buy sodas by the case as if someone was coming by? And a cake too! Again, E-Day.

I wouldn’t mind missing Emergence Day, but I will tell you what I miss, Inspector. Busting. Uh… you know, like biblically Eww, right? Brides, Boricuas, and other women with big uh… Yabbos. It’s how I’ve been wasting the day. And then I complain about the day you read this, Inspector.

I’ll say… I have no time on my hands and no money in my pockets.

That’s if I bother to put my pants on at all, Inspector. And if I am going to bust, I should do it on OnlyFans and try making some money. How is that 10 pictures for $100.00 in my… Emergence Day suit coming along? I’m not going anywhere or cleaning up after myself, Inspector. I can tell you the longest I ever went without… you know. It was 161 Days.

And then I’m watching Cinepals and see Kristen StephensonPino, and I can barely last a few… moments, minutes, might be… As of this second, it’s been 10 days, 15 hours.

Productivity? It’s been not existent. Braxton had to be dying. Virgil doesn’t have the stones. And me. Still going nowhere. Lazy. Braxton’s Bus, Vigil’s Bussing

1326 Days Without B III, Day 767 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 077 ~Silence Is Scarier Than Screams~

WillLeave a comment

Silence can be monstrous. I made it so. “Yes, I can be very cruel. I have been taught by masters.” As in people’s words. The silence left by my son. The act of blowing out candles. Candles? And after being pervy. Silence Is Scarier Than Screams.

Monday, September 16, 2024

Meditation 077 ~Silence Is Scarier Than Screams~

Three-Hundredth And Sixty-First Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Like me, not talking about my son this month with Emergence Day. It has come and gone.

I’m forty. And still, nothing is worse than the silence that came with my son’s last breath in this world. But the silence shattered when I first cried out in this universe. A victory? I suppose I could talk about Virgil, but there are two things. One, Virgil is usually silent anyway. Other than when I leave or the noises he makes showing I’m not being a good “Dad.” Virgil’s nails click on the floor. His belly when I need to get food. His sicknesses.

Two, as I’ve been singing repeatedly this month, “Today is all about you.” This song.

Madam, next to “All About You.” Today, I’m listening to Faith’s Outpost Ambiance… (Cult Music). “It’s a Five O’clock World.”

I don’t want to talk about my Day Job either, Madam. There is silence since they banned earphones/air pods. What I think about when I’m in that place. My STUPIDITY

There’s the silence when I wake up every morning and find out I’m not in Heaven or Hell. Can I call where I’m sitting right now purgatory? Three years without… well, you know who. No! He deserves better. Braxton, Braxton, BRAXTON! My sweet buttery Madam.

There’s the silence that comes with each Emergence Day. But that is my doing. People…

I could get all political today with everyone screaming, what dog, what cat, war, and women? And yet, the worries of my existence trump all that. See what I did there? Some should be silent.

But much like I said, I can’t get through a conversation without mentioning my B. How about me coming back to the house without a burger and fries? Didn’t I say I was broke? Um, I have two days to choose. I got breakfast and dinner. Bacon? Speaking of meat… women. Am I as bad as those other guys? I say things about women, but at least I leave those to the confines of “adult relations media.” That’s a polite way of saying adult films…

I swear the silence that comes after all my muscle contractions and moaning over mammaries. A moment of bliss that calls to me within the silence. Whatever could fill it?

Yet I choose the silence. Because hearing some Beautiful Freak… Silence Is Scarier Than Screams

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1324 Days Without B III, Day 765 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 076 ~40 Love Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I can’t t tell you much about tennis. The Williams Sisters, Naomi Osaka, Zendaya, and a girl I saw in an anime once. So, “40 Love” is beyond me. And 69, too, for now… Who would have thought I’d miss 39. Hell! I miss 0. “40 Love Braxton, Virgil.”

Sunday, September 15, 2024

Meditation 076 ~40 Love Braxton, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And I don’t understand you. I don’t understand tennis either. What about cannibalism, cults, and cute girls?

We’ve read, seen, written, and played through so many experiences, but there’s still so much about yourself you don’t know. What about knowing Will, huh?

And what about Braxton and Virgil? Would you rather hear me grieve about B III? There’s also the fact that I can go on and on about how Virgil ain’t Braxton. But last week’s theme was STAY ALIVE, like something from The Hunger Games. Speaking of which, you need to go to the store in the worst way. Man was not meant to live on Emergence Day cake alone. That’s where we are now. A week after Emergence Day. So how does 40 feel, hmm?

Shame, shame, shame! And I don’t mean the fact that you broke ‘The Streak,’ Your first… spill, after turning 40. You know, the one we joked about never happening, ha-ha. Continue failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Freshman Experience Harem University
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 005, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

But at least you can say, “Today is All About You.” I swear that song will be stuck in your head as it was in mine. It’s also the theme for this week… ALL ABOUT YOU. How about the rest of the month, year, and your entire existence? And why are you looking up The Ghost of Christmas Present? It could be much worse. I’ve been into Latina girls recently.

Daisy Dabs, the adult film star. (Drools). I remember when some guy was breaking beneath her touch. “It’s too good.” Well, this morning, it was incarnations of Cherry that had you breaking and sharing that fellow’s sentiment. She was just too good. I swear the week has only begun, friend.

I know it’s tough, but you won’t be so weak someday. But, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 7, Eric Vall (But One Book Ahead)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Again, it’s been 40 years. Where was Braxton when he was 40… in dog years? You and he were still with the Olds. I’m surprised they haven’t made this more of a big deal. But you, Will, you’re unique. And that’s what makes you “special.”

This morning, after you were done “cleaning up,” you were watching “fitdadceo” on Instagram. Didn’t he just turn 40 as well? He has a beautiful wife, six kids, and a lot of money… Throw in a fur buddy, and he will have everything you want. Hey, Jealousy, am I right? But here you are, sitting in bed, talking to yourself in the Black Mirror. What’s next? If Virgil wasn’t here…

Some tennis player from a G-Collections game. Flesh, Slavery, and Girls. What’s changed at 40? What needs to change? How? What? 40 Love Braxton, Virgil

1323 Days Without B III, Day 764 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 072 ~Virgil Ate. Braxton’s Fate~

WillLeave a comment

I’ve got steak in the fridge. A baked potato. Even a lobster tail. Was anything else missing… Ma’am. I hate going out for food, but I can waste big bucks buying it online. On big boobs. And do I need books on Cannibalism? “Virgil Ate. Braxton’s Fate”

Wednesday, September 11, 2024

Meditation 072 ~Virgil Ate. Braxton’s Fate~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Yes, Inspector, I see what day it is. But I’m no terrorist. And I’m not into Cannibalism either…

Tell that to the search bar. I’ve looked up terrorism. And earlier today, it was MEAT by Joseph D’Lacey. Hell! Seeing as how it’s Sunday, September 8, 2024. Why not preach, this is my body, this my blood or something. Why not remember Braxton passed on a Sunday afternoon like this? Am I ready to get back into mourning and grieving my little boy B.

Or am I a woman turning this into my “Emergence Month”? That was wrong, Inspector.

If anything, I’m not here to talk about 1/31, Emergence Day, or 9/11, Inspector Echo.

Today, if I’m lucky, I am on the eighth day of… denying myself self-fulfillment. Hmm.
I’m not messing with “my meat” despite the pictures I’ve been taking lately. I’m gross…

Thinking about more meat on the bone. Again, Eww! But if you want something humiliating, let’s talk about how I get food. I keep going back to Emergence Day 2024.

Echo, it was nothing special. I only had to see people twice. And the only one that really heard my voice was my Ma. If only it wasn’t so expensive because getting some fast food.

How many times have I been referred to as Ma’am? It’s one of the few things that make me feel like less of a man. I don’t pay all my bills. When’s the last time I showed any balls… other than “OF.” And I watched B III waste away. I feel so inadequate, Inspector. I hate talking about myself, really.

Now that ain’t true, Inspector. But who am I kidding? I’m filled with self-doubt. Always

But what else can I say? It’s either my boys, big Yabbos, or the bad things that come around one way or the other. And that’s what I’ve been thinking about as I waste today.

As I, too, waste away. I look at myself, and while I’m particularly proud of one part of my anatomy, it’s everything else. I don’t have a spine; I stick my foot in my mouth and as far as eating my heart out. You know what became of my heart. I’ll give myself a hand.

One is busy talking to you, and the other is usually down my pants, should I care to wear any. Things have to get done. But am I empty or full? Virgil Ate. Braxton’s Fate.

1319 Days Without B III, Day 760 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 070 ~Kisses Show A Working Tongue~

WillLeave a comment

It’s in his kiss. No! But B would love up his aunt. And V… I’ve cleaned up what has come out of his mouth many times. And as for me. I don’t remember what I said to that first girl. I can’t even order chicken at forty. “Kisses Show A Working Tongue.”

Monday, September 9, 2024

Meditation 070 ~Kisses Show A Working Tongue~

Three-Hundredth And Sixtieth Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Like me breathing after Emergence Day. Hell! I shouldn’t be after Braxton. Or Emergence Day Numero Cero.

I would rather kiss my furry son’s head one more time than draw my first breath. One necessitated the other, Madam. But at least I would have something to do with my mouth other than bawl about my boy, blame myself for everything, or BE STUPID. Madam, next to being Braxton’s end and my birth, I can’t stand being STUPID. It never ends, I’m afraid.

Even at forty? Well, I’m not quite there yet. I’m speaking to you on Tuesday, September 3, 2024. So, Emergence Day has yet to happen. Like I said, by the time you read this, I might not be breathing. I’d blame my Olds. But this is my existence. My existence…

Madam, I never asked for this life. I’d trade it all for a simple kiss.

Is that an Emergence Day wish? Last Monday night, I made a wish to avoid humiliation. I texted that because speaking… Anything that isn’t about my Braxton’s life… passing.

Anything that’s about something other than broads. Or anything that doesn’t involve me sounding STUPID. It’s not my strong suit. To open my mouth has never been a good thing, Madam.

How hard is it to say, “Yes, I would like the eight-piece fried chicken and a three-piece chicken fingers snack, please?” My mouth has much better uses, Madam. But saying Happy B-Word Day/Emergence Day… is not among them, Madam. Nope!

But again, a kiss… Do you want to know a secret, Madam? My first kiss? I got that. But I didn’t get a kiss during my “first time.” Well, uh…

I’m not The 40-Year-Old-Virgin, thankfully. I swear, sometimes I wonder who knows more about me. My lost boy or the Internet. The movie popped up, so I could watch that for Emergence Day and be thankful for the second-greatest miracle during my existence. A woman…

Madam, I was/am a father, and a girl made the mistake of thinking I was a man of worth for a night. And a few other girls here or there over forty years. But almost none when I had to look after Braxton. When was the last time I had a kiss, a kind hug that got kinda dirty… Back when I was a Smooth Operator. I feel stupid-er at forty. I’ll shut up because Kisses Show A Working Tongue.

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1317 Days Without B III, Day 758 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 069 ~Braxton And Virgil, “NEW”~

WillLeave a comment

E-Day has come and gone. Now, that wasn’t so scary, was it? I got an extra steak and lobster, the sheets are still clean, and the world didn’t end. There’s always hope. My boys don’t need it. They know I’ll survive. 39… 40. Braxton And Virgil, “NEW.”

Sunday, September 8, 2024

Meditation 069 ~Braxton And Virgil, “NEW”~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… So, you are still alive? Obviously. A little green around the gills. Less green in your wallet…

Oh, that’s right. Yesterday was Emergence Day. And as the song goes, “I’m Still Here.”

Well, you are. The only thing we have in common is that we’re both without Braxton. Are you going to start that again, grieving and mourning for your son? Sooner or later? But for now, shall we recap E-Day? Yes, I know you’re sleepy and feeling sick. But less scared…

I woke up around 7:00 AM after a dreamless sleep. Indifference? Again, let’s focus on me and not what led to Braxton’s passing. “Today is all about you.” Well, yesterday. So I wake up and start with what I have to do… A conversation with Lady Lu, Virgil’s outside time, a typical day. And then bam! What? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Meat, Joseph D’Lacey (Something Else?)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 005 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Failure is nothing new. You’re looking at forty years of it. But I was thinking more of keeping this blog up and running. $100.00! Funny, the company never mentioned that.

So much for that fancy breakfast and lunch I wanted to buy. But I still had food. Barely any syrup, but okay. Then came the Olds. The great fear. My Old Man texted Happy… whatever. Ma called. But that wasn’t too bad. My sister said nothing. It’s her birthday today. Remember to text her and PRAY she says nothing about Emergence Day. Good Luck… Once again, you’re still alive. Only is that a blessing or a curse… Still, asking that?

Braxton knew. Virgil knows. Hell, Braxton knows you won’t forget him or Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Freshman Experience Harem University
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 005, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

As you can see, you finished another story, MEAT. Nearly the rest of the day was dedicated to meat in one way or another. First, there was all the cash I lost while trying to be a writer. So what did I do? Write about “my meat,” but no one’s paying $100 to see this:

https://onlyfans.com/1260583535/willyswants

Then there was Red Lobster by way of DoorDash… Seriously, how does a place selling lobster forget about it? But I got two steaks and lobster eventually. You’re not starving.

And then it was back to my “man meat.” You call yourself a man? Maybe once with a beautiful woman.

Or when I was, Dad.

JSS, I survived Emergence Day again. Your boys knew. They know. Braxton And Virgil, “NEW”

1316 Days Without B III, Day 757 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will