Tag: Love

Chronicle 273 ~Been There, B’s That~

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Could I publish a book in a month? Hell, I had three chances to in 2020. I wouldn’t have been filled with so much hate for my Day Job if I had. I would have noticed my son sooner. I’ll read a new book but do I need to write one. “Been There B’s That”

Thursday, March 31, 2022

Chronicle 273 ~Been There, B’s That~

424 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? As always, B, we’re speaking early. So today’s been the worst day of my life.

I haven’t decided yet, with today being Friday, March 25, 2022. Yeah, what did time matter to you? Sun comes up; later on, I’d have a book. If you had a ton of food, the day must be special. Then again, when your time was almost up, I know the look you gave me B. It’s my third time crying today, first this morning, then napping, and now waterworks B. And maybe I wouldn’t have to if my “plan” pans out. Hell, it’s not even my idea. If I’m being honest. I’m guessing by the time you read, hear, I’m not sure? Most of the books I’ve read said that you’re super smart now, wherever you are. Anyway, I’ve been reading “Will Your Dog Reincarnate?”

It was written by a “Ph.D.” And you know I could use a doctor, right about now. Am I sick? You saw me through COVID-19. It’s not over yet, though. Plus, fuck the GOP/GQP, B. Please don’t repeat my foul language, B III, ok? But what I mean is the author, Gail Graham, talks about how to bring you back to me. Announce my intention, write it down, believe… Haven’t I done all that? Not one day has passed; your water bowl hasn’t been filled. I think of you every day. Every Thursday, and yes again time-travel. I will talk to you about everything. Every Saturday, facing those “Rebeccas,” I look for you at PetSmart. Were you “Chase” or the little doggie that bit me? The chubby one, the ghost?

And with Camp NaNoWriMo about to startup? I survived two without you here, and then there was the Official NaNoWriMo. I doubt you would want to sit through any of that again. That’s why I’m trying to decide what to do today or on the 31st. A book. Comedy comes in threes, THEY say. I could write a whole new book. My strength? Braxton, I doubt I could do it. And oh yeah, B, I paid those people for the book Gulp (sigh). Then there’s your book, My Turn To B III. What is it with me and closure? As I said, Gail Graham wrote her book, but I assume her dog reincarnated. But to return to me, Braxton, would you? Been There, B’s That.

Gospel 273 ~For Once B Write~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 272 ~B A Good Man~

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It’s been 423 days since the best man I know, B III, died. And it’s been a solid month, not counting that 161 days I abstained after his death. I know the kind of man I am, and it ain’t nowhere close to good, case in point, this morning. B A Good Man

Wednesday, March 30, 2022

Chronicle 272 ~B A Good Man~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I need some titles like Jacob Ralston has in Succubus Lord. Thinking of sex already…

And what time is it? So that will be my second apology of the day. The first is that I’m either wasting a good title or repeating it, “B A Good Man” Inspector, being good… Hell no! Before the humiliations of Tuesday, sigh, I caught a look at myself mirror-wise. That’s what inspires me today. “The Horror, The Horror,” saying I’m not a good man. Pardon my wordage but fuck me. I don’t know how I say I’m a man at all. Well, most days. As far as being good… Braxton would still be alive. It always comes back to my son, doesn’t it? The fact that I haven’t cried yet shows my tears were more about my life. Don’t worry; Braxton always gets his.

In fact, before I turned back to the sex… I spoke of Succubus Lord, and I’m on #10 now. Anyway, I was looking up the price for Cuddle Clones. All my memorials for Braxton, sigh. No, I am not good at all. Keeping my dick in my pants doesn’t count when the AM is this:

1: Dreaming about “doing” Dakota Skye at my Day Job.
2: Looking up money shots, Helter Skelter (Hakudaku no Mura), Bible Black, Tifa

3: Finding the cover shots of the Succubus Lord girls
4: “Planning on seeing X (2022)
5: Watching Hentai “Nuns” violated
6: Listing out dirty fantasies… “wakefulness.”

I was awake last night, which explains why I’m only waking up now. Did I mention I miss Dirty Diana?

Not that I will give up talking to my son for anything. I should be more like Cherry and blab my thoughts on Twitter to save time. Even then, “Temptations End.” Twenty-four hours wasted Echo. I didn’t even eat dinner yesterday as I was so disgusted with such humiliations galore. Next week will be worse, and this week isn’t over yet. My whole life is one fucking waste of time. Well, fifteen years seeing about my boy, and here come my tears. Have I been a good man these past 423 days without him? I don’t want to go look in the mirror once again. There was a point Monday I thought I was healing from my “affliction.” I’d need to B A Good Man.

Gospel 272 ~Braxton In The Mercedes~

423 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 271 ~To B In Love~

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If you asked me right this second, who or what I loved? My Ma? Then why aren’t I a better human being? My writing? Then why do I still have my effing Day Job? B III? Where’s my tattoo, my gold chain? Why isn’t he alive? “To B In Love.”

Tuesday, March 29, 2022

Chronicle 271 ~To B In Love~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I don’t love money. It’s more like I love not thinking about money. “Brewster’s Millions?”

But to this day, this remains my position on love. Love is the want, need, desire, the ability to put one above self. But, when I remember all my younger years, chasing several “shes who shall not be named.” I accept my foolishness, my “Idiocracy,” hell, stupidity. Hate that word. If it ain’t music, YouTube Reactions, or movies, it’s audiobooks. I’ve heard plenty, my love. Oh, and about “that word,” “stupid.” Don’t go there. Hey Stupid, I Love You… Divorce. Another big no, no would be getting rid of my four-legged child. 422 days dammit. Dearest, you’ll have to forgive me. The fact that I’m speaking through time travel lets you know, today is one of those that reminds me of my old Day Job.

Ok, so let me start over. Like an old fucking Republican that has an answer but asks again. What Is Love? I swear, I’m trying to chill on the pop culture, but “Todd,” Succubus Lord? I want to say that love is routine. I can’t tell you how I feel calm, peaceful, and glad when I know everything has its place. When I know where I belong. When B passed, day fucking one, I said everything remains the same. Everyday Is Exactly The Same. I’m trying. Anyway, I fill his water bowl, call him for meds, say hello and goodbye, because how can I not? A Man Provides… yes from Breaking Bad. But Stephen King wrote that Hell is repetition. Love grows, you, our children.

This leads me to believe that love is obsession or at least some form of madness. It’s an addiction, a habit, but that sounds like routine… And don’t people dive into them at their darkest hour. Well, until they hit rock bottom. Then they die or recover. Losing my son… Yes, that’s rock bottom, but then I look at you. Oh, I know it can get worse. I’d take it as another punishment in my failure to protect Braxton, but I can’t lose you, Babydoll. Continually I say I’m in love, which has never changed, but why doesn’t it feel that way right this second? When you love by my definition and that one above is gone… well, people choose eternity, To B In Love.

Gospel 271 ~Know Your Sins Before Others~

422 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 270 ~Sense, Desire, Necessity, Age Differently~

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If I only had a brain, the heart, courage. All that left with B. All I am is an old man with what? I should break out a fiddle, but B says it’s not my time as old as I am. Not Zibby’s or Jesse’s. “Sense, Desire, Necessity, Age Differently.”

Monday, March 28, 2022

Chronicle 270 ~Sense, Desire, Necessity, Age Differently~

Two-Hundred and Thirty-Third Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. And money, much like my age, is something I don’t want to worry about. Yet I worry.

Sensing that something is wrong. As much as I enjoy talking to you, Madam, why are we speaking today, Thursday, March 24, 2022? I can’t call this time travel. Only FEAR. Dammit, my health concerns continue to plague me. When’s the last time I saw a Ph.D. for other than my eyes? I’ll need some antibiotics. I don’t have the good sense to ask a doctor. That requires money, which brings me to my concern and why we’re talking. (Taking a deep breath) Fucking Day Job!!! Pardon my language, Madam, but I don’t know where the fuck I’m going. There’s no schedule out yet, and I can’t help but think this is all my fault. Do you remember when I got “the call” before, Madam?

Desiring to be at that shithole is… as Todd puts it, “No Bueno.” You’ll have to forgive me, Madam. I’ve been listening to some Succubus Lord and have no desire for the real world now. Braxton stops me. I spoke to him today about the dream I had and wanting to hear from him all this time? Madam, he could have been sending me a message to prepare for war. I’m tired of fighting. But doing something with my life in service of him instead of becoming a monk and torturing myself? The world gets even more fucked up daily. Turning off YouTube social media, my desire is to sleep. Only sometime today, I need to look over the books. Desires are expensive but Necessity.

Necessity would mean more than being some horny fanboy. It’s time to be an adult… Have you seen people older than me all over America? Wizard of Oz, everywhere. Madam, I mean to have a brain, heart, and courage. For example (ahem} Ketanji Brown Jackson. Now the GOP/GQP, they make no sense, desire nothing but power. Pain is their Necessity. Why do you think I always say “Republican Tendencies?” Because I’m A “Bad Man.” Nowhere near as bad as that, but I’m not a good one. What age makes us? Inevitable. Don’t I believe a man can change with time? Well, how much of Braxton was in this? He was my sense, desire, and a Necessity in my life Madam. Sense, Desire, Necessity, Age Differently.

Gospel 270 ~I Growl B Cause~

421 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 269 ~Remembering A’s and B’s~

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I do remember that B III was a dog, right? But I remember Panther, The Lion King, and what’s another word for cat? Anyway, there was a dream of a golden stripper pole shaped like… Hell, I was a good person at some point? Remembering A’s and B’s.

Sunday, March 27, 2022

Chronicle 269 ~Remembering A’s and B’s~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, but that does nothing for your memory. Hell, last night, I dreamt of a golden stripper pole.

So I can understand why you’re waking up so late. Um, more like we’re talking now since you were up at 4:00, and you’ve fucked up with two moms before 5:30. Called your Ma and shared that collage of Cherry’s mum. What she’s got it going on, funny guy. Now you won’t heed my words but a few concepts. Doritos and soda aren’t for dinner. Whenever you say you’re only going to shut your eyes for ten minutes, you’re lying. Pornos keep you awake and alive “Don Corneo’s Underground Arena” Um ok but you’re here and late. Not that I’m knocking Opiumud. Those films knock buying a bit of gold. Which reminds you, why haven’t you bought your gold chain. Bust thinking Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing “It’s Just A Dog” A Novel By Russ Ryan
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 020 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 027 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

It’s been about four weeks now, so I don’t fault you for thinking with Stuff and Thangs at the moment. Of course, that’s after you had a bit of a cry about Braxton and alarms. Above all else, B III is the first thought of the day, and in a way, it’s like you want to drive out that goodness. Or is it the book you’re reading now that is getting to you? One more, hmm? You want to remember one of the days I had that was super energized. No, if you’re going to stay awake right now, you’ll look up Opiumud. One of many things to know. Why have you been thinking of Panther (1995)? Then golden stripper poles and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing “Will YOUR Dog Reincarnate?,” A Novel By Gail Graham
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Sending Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 027 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Cut to wanting to stare into the dark sky and see Braxton staring down at you like Mufasa. Remember who you are? You are my father, my daddy, and you always will be. A sob? No, you’re not going to cry. But you know when you told B he’d be as tall as a king? Braxton is high now in your thoughts, and he’s trying his damndest to get you to rise out of this bed. I think I said once I was going to let him be the one to give you advice, ha? The only man you’d ever listen to out of respect instead of fear. That’s why you must remember him always, not mourn but remember. Being alive, Remembering A’s and B’s.

Gospel 269 ~Braxton Spills The Beans~

420 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 268 ~Ode To B Yesterday~

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I know who The Beetles are, but that was way before my time. Yesterday I was nowhere near. I have had 418 yesterdays without my boy, and I’m looking forward to this 419th one being over. I won’t be anyway near as productive. “Ode To B Yesterday”

Saturday, March 26, 2022

Chronicle 268 ~Ode To B Yesterday~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which should give me plenty to write about. Don’t worry, though. None of it is poetry.

In fact, I was telling Braxton yesterday (via Time Travel) I should publish “Gulp” poetry. Oh, before his book? If I was a better man going on some 419 days, I wouldn’t have to yet. I swear my tears over my son are always better than those for having to wake up in the morning. My piddly ass existence. Already, today will be nowhere as productive. And as for next week… Even today, I can’t pick out any day ending in Y that I look forward to, Lady Lunalesca. But not one of them can be “Another Day,” ever. That wanting, laziness, and indifference led to my son’s death over a year ago. Hell 419 days of not joining him. And I should, Lady Lu.

But I get up, and instead of working in the den. It’s where I planted all my stuff. Even better, yesterday when I made it to the dining room. No, I climb right back into bed, struggling. The thoughts are creeping in that I should stay here today. It’s not like the “Rebeccas” would miss me. My last paycheck means I’ll be eating into my tax refund more. There’s always more soup and pizza rolls. I can scrounge up one more BLT minus the “T,” ha. And as for “Spilling the Tea,” as THEY say, I know this is all my fault. You would think that my hatred for the Day Job. Which led to the indifference which killed B. I’d work harder than ever.

I don’t mean at the Day Job but at doing anything in my power to avoid ever stepping foot inside that place again. All my yesterdays add up to the tomorrow of being in that Hell. Unless I get lucky enough to drop dead. I’ve been speaking of doctors, hmm. How about publishers, like the one I paid years ago to do nothing. Writing failure. Lunalesca, I haven’t sent them the final copy, so again my fault. I’m constantly failing. In truth, it’s a fact I’m not closing. I look at women and every other want, but you know what pains me? Seeing the words I wrote go to waste like yesterday. And no, I’m not like the Beetles. Yesterday, whatever. Ode To B Yesterday.

Gospel 268 ~B Hold A Dream~

419 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 266 ~It’s To Be War~

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My boy’s fighter. B III, be free, beefy… he had a lot of it with anybody. Most days to protect me, and I would fight for him too. When it mattered the most, then where was I? I didn’t have to fight to stay awake when he lay here dying. It’s To Be War

Thursday, March 24, 2022

Chronicle 266 ~It’s To Be War~

417 Days Without B III

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Seeing as how my day has only begun… Please, I’ll be back asleep before 8:00.

Not everyone has such “luxury” Braxton. People are fighting for their lives at this very moment. Are you worried I’m about to go off on one of my political rants? When’s the last time I had one of those? If I did, I’d only be talking to myself now. Insanity? Braxton, I’m going crazy without you. Well, crazier if that were possible. But what’s war? Okay, so I am about to have some rant… But believe me, B, I have tried to avoid it. You saw me through the first year of the “plague.” The second year, you were taken from me, my boy. Now between the GOP/GQP, watching Ketanji Brown Jackson and the war in Ukraine. Hell, no wonder I listen to Sucubuss Lord.

It’s the war in Ukraine; B that fell into my dreams. I doubt I have the strength to write a full-blown post on the vision, but I do want to sum up as I would with us lying here (sigh). It was the first dream that I’ve seen you in a long while. I wonder why that is? Always thinking with my “Stuff & Thangs.” Didn’t we both? Like father like son, right? So a few nights ago, I saw you barking around some guy getting ready to go to the frontlines. I didn’t recognize him, but I knew where he was headed (green t-shirt). I was in a dark bedroom. All I wanted was for you to come to lie with me and sleep.

What does the dream mean? As I asked, what are the chances that I’ll write a synopsis of the whole thing? I’m fighting as is to stay awake right now. Did you see me yesterday? Braxton, I should be ashamed. Of course, there are obvious reasons. 417 days since I took the life of my only ally. 24 days of keeping it in my pants. The biggest battle Braxton. Again people are fighting and dying. A woman is torn apart who’s like your grandma. Braxton, I watched you fight for every single second of your life. What’s war, Braxton? Today it ain’t me trying to stay awake, beating the clock, or something else… What am I fighting for B III? If It’s To Be War.

Gospel 266 ~B III Of Numbers~

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Chronicle 265 ~These Words By Embarrassment~

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“How Embarrassing” The books I read, the ones I listen to. The emails and all the wasted money to do nothing? I’d join the GOP, but they burn books, a-holes. I want to read; I want to create. B waited as long as he could. These Words By Embarrassment

Wednesday, March 23, 2022

Chronicle 265 ~These Words By Embarrassment~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but only with books, sex, and… I need another sin. My father thought reading… a vice.

How about repeating myself over and over? It’s what happens with time travel Echo, ok? Monday, March 14, 2022, is a much better day than anything now, um humiliations galore. But speaking of said shames to endure, what about the stupidity of my current ideas. Inspector, what book am I reading right now? I’m pretty sure it will be something on dogs. On the 14th, I’ve read a total of 13 books, all on pets. Now my premise is this. If I stop reading about dead furries, I’m somehow disloyal to Braxton. Inspector, I read 58 books last year, and that’s with Triple B’s death. 5 about grief, 2 more novels, 1 with a dead son. And now, Inspector, what about Audible? Succubus Lord Collection.

That brings us to our sex portion of the program. Again Inspector, playing on repeat. Didn’t I say before, I wanted to avoid any actions that, let’s say, “stimulated life?” Inevitable right being who I am? I swear there are days I miss, “Dirty Diana?” No, she’s never coming back. Every day is different, and Thursdays are for my son, for B III, so ok. So, of course, you may be wondering why I have become more “outspoken” as of late, Inspector. I’m going back to that 161 days I kept it in my pants. I wonder, am I still holding out now? Anyway, the longer it goes, the more noise I make. No time for Triple B when I have Triple X. These words.

How about my words, where the Hell is B III’s book My Turn To B III? There is also Gulp. How embarrassing it is to have made an investment with one company on the one hand. I’ve also got a publishing company. I need to pay one, and I sit on my ass doing nothing? Even today, as soon as I finish, I’m going right back to sleep. Haven’t left the bed for anything but nursing a sickness. Of course, by the time you read this, well, why do we talk so damn early? Because I would instead stay a slave and be nowhere near the man that B thought. All words and no action. Taking embarrassment to heart but Braxton? These Words By Embarrassment.

Gospel 265 ~Hair of the Braxton~

416 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 264 ~Being Blind To Love~

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The perfect woman? Not much has changed since Princess Leia. Take a look at most of the Star Wars heroines. Padme, Rey, Jyn. Had a big crush on Katniss. Hell Braxton had plenty of brown/tan hair. Here I go crying. Being Blind To Love

Tuesday, March 22, 2022

Chronicle 264 ~Being Blind To Love~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but no, I’m not into organ harvesting. Um, at least not the usual type. Kinda dark…

Would you instead have me crying about B III? It’s been 415 days now (Sunday, March 13, 2022), but I know that’s one thing that hasn’t changed. How long will I cry for B III? Indeed how long will I deny myself the pleasure of your company or without? Yes, at the moment, I want to keep my monk status. And it’s one more reason I find myself in bed. Look at the time, 3:00 in the afternoon. I would hate to meet the man in the mirror right this second. Hell, I have hated him for again 415 days by now. Then I wonder what you see in me. I mean, you haven’t walked out yet. I don’t have qualms about my body, ha.

You know my whole business is based on being a shallow prick. Am I not, considering I’m open to lots of women. In the “company sense,” Baby Doll; always, forever. I’ve got the perfect woman at home. And yet I am where I am now in life? And the others? These men aren’t looking for love. Well, at least I hope not though I can understand the idea of “I’m In Love With A Stripper.” But of course, that’s only one aspect of “my place.” As I said, I’m one for all the organs. Some I like looking at. And where others stick them well… And I’m not in love with the almighty dollar either, but I always want more. Greedy? One woman, one family?

One dog, which is my Braxton. B III. I ask myself, when did I know I was in love before. On the one hand, it was love at first sight. He was a puppy; what monster doesn’t love puppies? But he wasn’t my puppy. The moment he had my heart was when my Olds moved, and I said get in the car B. If it worked for Chris Rock right,” Bitch, get in the car.” As for when I knew I loved you? If I told you everything, I looked for physically in a woman… Braxton’s Aunt could sum it up. But when I knew you had my heart, well? Some say love is blind. I’m shallow. But loving another furry? Being Blind To Love.

Gospel 264 ~Find Anything That Beats Temptation~

415 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 263 ~No, Love Can’t Tell Time~

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When did I fall in love with B? A “man” plopped him in my sister’s arms? When I saw him on the floor trying to know his own legs? I told him to get in the car? When he defended the gate protecting me. Ayeka Anime was quicker. No, Love Can’t Tell Time

Monday, March 21, 2022

Chronicle 263 ~No, Love Can’t Tell Time~

Two-Hundred and Thirty-Second Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. So do I love myself? We’ll get to that. I had many different ideas for this rule.

I doubt I’ll love anything or anyone more than my Braxton in a week. That’s right, Madam, I’m time traveling once again. At the moment, it’s Sunday, March 13, 2022. Another day that Braxton isn’t here to see. 414 to be precise. Can I count the days I love Braxton? Madam, I still am, but of course, I meant to say when he was living. Hell, I’m about ready to sing out “He Lives In You.” My son is alive as I live. And I will endure and survive, ha. You know how I have spoken of “Dangerous Words.” I read in Heart Dog: Surviving the Loss of Your Canine Soul Mate about thoughts of suicide. The Grim Reaper avoids me. “It’s Not My Time.”

But it’s always time to look up a good song? Hell, who am I kidding? There’s always time for another porn. How do you think I could stay up this morning to conversate with you? Again I go back to what I was talking about to the Man in the Mirror. I can barely keep my eyes off the clock when I go to the Day Job, and time moves so slowly. As much as I know that hate gets a bad rap, it moves as slow as anything. Oh yeah, the war, right? Or hate can’t tell time, too hmm. But I know I can’t stand to look at myself, to be honest. Let’s not talk about indifference. Braxton lived for five more days.

My love for my B was not long enough. My hate of so much seems to be eternal. Day Job! I wouldn’t say I love porn, but I know time flies by. I can look at a pair of Yabbos forever and a day. Trying to talk a friend out of her clothes… How much time have you got? I’m speeding up because the faster I finish speaking, what will I be doing, more porn? Only I’d give it up if I could have my son back. Reading Roxanne Hawn’s book, she talks about trading one memory for another. I create an album and put Braxton’s pillow away finally; stuff like that. But take a good look around. Good Grief! No, Love Can’t Tell Time.

Gospel 263 ~To Be Mean Time-Travel~

414 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will