Tag: Tears

Tale 047 ~ Virgil’s “Hi” Enough Braxton~

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New vice? I don’t drink. B’s Aunt could tell you that. It’s been 20 days since I gave up “something.” And I don’t have a drug connect. As much as my Olds tried. And saying “hi” to the furry… I’m still not sure what V is. Virgil’s “Hi” Enough Braxton.

Thursday, August 17, 2023

Tale 047 ~ Virgil’s “Hi” Enough Braxton~

928 Days Without B III, Day 369 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Judging by what time it is AHEM, I had one wild night. Well, not really…

These past few nights, I’ve been going to sleep crying tears. Balance it, ain’t you. Fortunately, I’m still able to sleep at all, Braxton. I know you’ll hate me saying this, but I still don’t want to wake up. Every night, if I were one for prayer. That’s what I would ask God for. Instead, I sit here while Virgil lies at the foot of the bed. Daddy’s crying? Braxton, how many times have I said, Virgil’s not my son, yet… One whole year? Honestly, how long were we together before you gained such a title? I keep going back to the moment you jumped in the car. And how you hated any car rides. But for “One Shining Moment…” Well, you learned to fly.

Listen to me as if you weren’t jumping all the time. All you had to do was see one of your aunts. I saw your actual Aunt a few days ago. Gotcha Day, to be exact. Sadly, I don’t remember the day she got you or, again, the very day you became my son. But your Aunt was always in your heart. The way you would cozy up to her. When Aunt Carolina saw… I swear she was so jealous. But let me tell you this, Little B. The way you would hide in Aunt Carolina’s boobs… As if I couldn’t have done the same thing if I wanted. Yabbos! Beautiful faces are one thing. But some great Yabbos… It’s the reason I’m still breathing.

How sad is that? It’s not for the love of Virgil, a voracious life, or even getting some pus.. well, vagina. B III, you were scared of girls, well, the furry variety anyway. And your dad? Anyway, my point is, I was reading another one of those books that talk about… um, man stuff. I didn’t want to think about how I sent you straight to Heaven… or Hell with me. Now, I don’t tell Virgil about such things. How about “Good morning, and in case I don’t see ya, good afternoon, good evening, and good night!” There’s “Hello, Hi.” Braxton, V doesn’t raise his voice either unless I’m leaving. Requires “Feeling super, super (super!) suicidal” Ah! To reach you B. Virgil’s “Hi” Enough Braxton

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 046 ~Virgil, We’ll Be Listening~

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What big ears you have. Is the hole in the fence bigger? Is the phone loud enough.? Then there’s Virgil, who never makes a sound unless I walk out the door. How long do the neighbors have to listen to him? If I will. “Virgil, We’ll Be Listening”

Wednesday, August 16, 2023

Tale 046 ~Virgil, We’ll Be Listening~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So I haven’t been complaining about my ears, the fence, Virgil vomiting on the phone… Uh?

Hell! I should be ashamed that it took him “almost” doing that to get my attention to do something. And after a few days, how is life for him now? If anything, the fact that he’s alive after one year here. Gotcha Day wasn’t big, ha. He had a bath and brush. A new bed? No! If I’m going to spend money… It’s going towards putting my firstborn, my Braxton, in a box. And what about the new one I’m supposed to be buying? If I had money… And that would take getting out of bed. Or how about, I don’t know. Trying to be happy. Is that from B? I wasn’t happy when he was here, but I was better. And then his silence.

What I wouldn’t give for a bout of silence. If anything, shouldn’t this be the most humiliating thing in existence? The fact that I still talk to myself. Imaginary friends. Pretending? At least with Braxton, I could pretend. But even saying V’s name these days. And that’s if I’m not busy moaning… It’s more like I let the girls I watch moan in one way or another. But I’m trying, Inspector. Every day, it gets a little bit “harder.” Really! Considering I’m time traveling now, Monday, August 14, 2023. It’s been 17 days for now. That’s all the bellyaching. Or rather, belly scraping, you’ll hear from me. Not even edging. But there is plenty to be upset about since we’re talking now. The Day Job?

Can I listen to the instructions at work? Don’t be STUPID. I’m not a visual guy there. But all about the visual lady’s Yabbos, but she’s gone. At least she told me she was leaving for a time. God knows I wish I could leave forever. Take from that what you will, Echo, I know. And speaking of which, the things I’ve been saying or, more to the fact, what I’ve been writing about. Will you please understand, Inspector? My mind is about three things. There’s my boys —namely Braxton. There’s making bucks. And, of course, anything to do with making babies. Oh! These three things are like a mixed drink that “messes” me up. 99 Problems. Virgil, me, B’s ghost. Virgil, We’ll Be Listening

927 Days Without B III, Day 368 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 042 ~Virgil B Spending Money~

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A dime piece or a dime? I usually spend several dimes except for Friday. Well, if you count such and such’s birthday coming up. But that’s more a present for me, not her, with E-Day coming up. Virgil’s “Gotcha Day” is Sunday. Virgil B Spending Money.

Saturday, August 12, 2023

Tale 042 ~Virgil B Spending Money~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I should be proud of being all Brewster’s Millions with it yesterday. Not by choice…

That’s because you are STUPID. I know you would never say that, Lunalesca. Otherwise, we couldn’t be friends no more. Of course, you know who I can’t be friends with. Lunalesca, you know I mean B III. And allow me to contradict myself. B and I are friends, but you know what I mean. And if only I had enough money… Friday was a fluke? Lunalesca, in a way, it was. But more my stupidity. I spent most of those Walmart gift cards on something for M Anime… Let’s say that’s never going to happen. I have a better chance of bringing Braxton back from the grave. Don’t THEY say if you can make a woman laugh…? Well, I’ve made plenty of women laugh, but…

Suppose you can wake the dead, Lunalesca. To get my inner Thulsa Doom on, “That is strength, boy! That is power!” I would have given all I own… which ain’t much. To save my son. And in the end, where did my money go? Pandora’s Box. Faith, hope, love, Lunalesca. Today, it sits on a box on the nightstand. And funny, I should mention boxes because, again, where does all the money go? Friday, it was between OnlyFans and going for the Pic Phenomenon. After I wasted those gift cards, I had money to burn. But no, I didn’t, ok. Is it because Virgil needs a box, not like that? I mean a crate. Virgil hasn’t seen a girl in a year. Since the Rebeccas…

Tomorrow’s Virgil’s “Gotcha Day” Lunalesca. How will we celebrate? Sadly, like E-Day, Emergence, Existence, Extinction. What is there to be celebrated on Sunday? First year? Lunalesca, I’m about to have thirty-nine. And what have I done with them, I ask. Lunalesca, it’s all about boxes in one way or another. There’s the fence. The bank account. And would V feel safer with a crate? Braxton was more like Pikachu, not wanting to get inside a Pokeball. You see what happens when I finally “forced” him into one. It killed him. More time, more love, and yet I sing about money. “Cash rules everything around me.” C.R.E.A.M., Which I haven’t done in two weeks. “Saved” fifty dollars. For the Love of Money. Virgil B Spending Money

923 Days Without B III, Day 364 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 041 ~Virgil Reads Braxton’s Ending~

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I’m sure wherever Braxton is, he’s learned to read now. I would tell him stories… The ones that didn’t involve this or that. Anyway, I think about how our story ended… And if I could rewrite it? But I’m not with the GOP. Virgil Reads Braxton’s Ending

Friday, August 11, 2023

Tale 041 ~Virgil Reads Braxton’s Ending~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. It’s more like I’m rushing to read all about it. Or better. Checking the fence today

That’s something I’m not looking forward to. But I wasn’t eager for B’s passing either. Lady Sophia, if you had told me the story would end with me murdering my best friend in the world… I swear I’m not learning anything from these books on grieving fur buddies. Euthanasia, AKA the “good death.” Braxton’s gone, I’m guilty. I’m not good. Hell! I’m reading the reference section from Pawprints on the Heart. I need every word. I’m so used to not finishing anything. Remember a couple of days back, I got into working on one of the novels? I paid $300 for a book I haven’t sent in. Going on four years, to be honest. If Virgil could read, Braxton says, “it is what it is.”

And that’s why we ain’t got no money. But the fence held up to the storm. Glory Hallelujah! I said that before checking because I’ve been lying here looking for a birthday gift for M Anime. Um, that soon turned into looking for a gift for myself. What was that? M Anime wants seeds for her garden. I want to see her with less clothing. Lest we forget, what else do I want, Lady Sophia? When Braxton was on his last legs. He could always count on me to bring back fries. My payday was better than I expected yesterday. Hallelujah! No, I’m not finding religion. Between this week and the next… No money for the church. What about a tip? I didn’t say that, did I? Or think it?

Lady Sophia, that’s like saying “adult entertainment” is free. I don’t have to spend money on OnlyFans. A few months back, I figured I was in trouble with The Pic Phenomenon. And this morning, I was looking up Elegant Moments Style 1404, for real. But I got “bills” to pay as an almost thirty-nine-year-old man. If it’s not the fence, it’s what my Olds will say come E-Day. I won’t pay for a man’s sausage biscuit. That’s what my father told me at church when I was young. I agree. Incredible right? Anyway, speaking of spending more money, Satan’s Sorority Girls 2 has come out. Ok, should I read it? No one will be reading about me dying soon… But, Virgil? Virgil Reads Braxton’s Ending

922 Days Without B III, Day 363 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 040 ~Don’t B Broken, Virgil~

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When I thought V had thrown up on the phone, I was ready to get it fixed. When B was sick, I’d have paid anything to save him. I was on the phone all night when this very blog went down. But the floor, fence, and freeloader? “Don’t B Broken, Virgil.”

Thursday, August 10, 2023

Tale 040 ~Don’t B Broken, Virgil~

921 Days Without B III, Day 362 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I haven’t had one in… 921 days and counting. “When we pretend that we’re dead…”

Only you don’t have to pretend. You were broken, Braxton. And nothing more could be done on Saturday, January 31, 2021. All the king’s horses and men and all that… I’m coming to you on Sunday, August 6, 2023. I can’t help but wonder what’s broken now. These days, I keep imagining that nothing’s wrong. But the floor, fence, and the freeloader sigh. I know B III. I need to stop calling 2V that. Did I save him, or did he save himself from being “Down with the Sickness?” Hell! I’m still broke B III. Payday today! I’m not feeling anything close to good about it. I’m looking at this existence like Han Solo looked at the Millennium Falcon. “You hear me, baby? Hold together.”

I’ve repeatedly said, “It’s my heart, and it’s broken.” Something I can blame you for, B. No! “You can put the blame on me.” I’m a broken record, but it was indifference. While trying not to hurt you, I couldn’t allow myself to feel anything at all. Okay B III? And now, in my guts… Anytime I want to say I don’t have any? TMI! I’m making myself much too sick whenever I wake up because all I can feel is worry, wantonness, and my wish. Oh, a Death wish… I want to be with you, I don’t want to wake up, and I don’t want to wait for the next thing to be broken. And there will be nothing that I can do, Braxton.

I literally hold up the fence you so loyally defended for all these years with sticks and stones. But to watch it come apart every minute, moment, and maybe even now. Yeah, it’s Sunday, and I’m sitting at the dining room table as a storm rages outside, ready to break it. Humiliations Galore are waiting on the other side. This morning, I told the Man In The Mirror that I look to all these things as a sign. Your Dad will be thirty-nine soon, and I have to do something. But whether it be my pants, all the pain, or… well, that other P TMI. I’m broken. And if I wasn’t so pathetic, I’d make it so… I couldn’t be fixed. Don’t B Broken, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 039 ~Virgil, Braxton Aged Out~

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I’m getting too old for this shit. To be living off my Olds. The kids will be on my lawn as the fence falls. When was the last time I got laid? I can’t afford to be a sugar daddy. Fur kids and Depression. But how can that be? Virgil, Braxton Aged Out

Wednesday, August 9, 2023

Tale 039 ~Virgil, Braxton Aged Out~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And other lies I don’t want to hear. Hell! The truth, too. Be positive, happy, thirty-eight.

Because thirty-nine is fast approaching. And what am I going to do with that? I can’t believe I’m thinking this, but does Ron DeSantis have a point about Shakespeare? I’m thinking Romeo + Juliet, to be honest. There’s Thirteen Reasons Why’s “Hannah Baker” and Robert Frobisher from Cloud Atlas. Three teens and a grown-ass man. What did they do? Love? Getting screwed over, literally. Must I be so vulgar? And the world’s coming down. The last few mornings, I have awoken with more tears than usual, Inspector. The thought? Can I say it already? Well, according to my critic, I can’t. EVER! I’m learning to hate reading and writing again. What I read makes me cry, and what I write makes other people. I suck!

And don’t I sound like some teenager? Braxton was fifteen, which is all grown up. Inspector that’s going by fur buddy standards. I doubt I have such resolve to stay. Inspector. Braxton fought tooth and nail to stay. Why can’t I do the same? Exhaustion… The fence is ready to give way any second. How old is it? I think I was thirty-two when Braxton and I moved here… No! I’m sorry. We were placed. Living with my Olds. Sad. While I’m speaking like an old white guy, Mr. Trump. Problems of the past are rushing into the future. To see black people fight against that tide. Montgomery Riverfront Brawl. Meanwhile, I’ve been at my Day Job for how long? If not my Dad. Braxton…

The Day Job would be another good reason not to get up again. Echo, it’s incredible that I can do that with this mattress. Yet where am I right now? Why don’t I leave today? Looking at the clock, it’s past eight, meaning Virgil needs to go outside. The fence? Inspector, I was about to say these glasses are old, but these are only from a year ago. The old ones? Yeah, the ones I had when I would look upon my son. What must I look like now to him? I’m older but no wiser. Because again, something from last year, uh, that’s V. His Gotcha Day is Sunday. So, Petsmart on Saturday? Maybe? The shame, like Braxton dying, remember? Virgil, Braxton Aged Out

920 Days Without B III, Day 361 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 035 ~B Steps Down Virgil~

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If the fence falls, V will have a path to escape. I’ll be running from the neighbors and maybe the bank. I’ve got no cash. And even if I did, I’d be too scared to ask for help. If I don’t run from my father… I’ll see B again. B Steps Down Virgil

Saturday, August 5, 2023

Tale 035 ~B Steps Down Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And even if that was enough. Why would I want to rip my boy from Heaven?

The Rainbow Bridge? Elysium? Even Hell beats this place right now. Lunalesca, this is all over a falling fence. Every day is another step closer to the fence falling over, failing, the finality of many years of service. And what steps am I taking after all this? You ask, Lady Lunalesca. All I know is that any step I take out of this bed will bring “The horror! The horror!” Sigh! I could go all TMI when it comes to the bathroom. I haven’t felt this bad since that food poisoning from Pizza Hut. Talk about a place I haven’t stepped foot in since. Now, there’s the window in Braxton’s Room overlooking the backyard. I can see the fence. And going downstairs? That’s the world.

And let’s talk about the world, Lady Luna. For the most part, Braxton was protected from it in the backyard. Virgil hasn’t even been here a whole year. And he has no such luxury anymore, like last summer when I could do nothing about the heat. Lunalesca, I could go running to my “father,” then what? I’d rather burn in Hell. And it’s not only him, Lunalesca. Ironically, I didn’t have the stones to talk to the people in Walmart about, well… Stones, bricks, cinder blocks, anything and everything to shore up the fence. I was right there! These feet took me there, but it was the mouth, a voice. Hell! The brain. STUPIDITY! That is my native tongue. Silence? A second language. I try…

The alarm has already rung. So I must leave this bed and do what, Lady Lu? Hmm? Do you know what thought lulled me to sleep last night? I climbed into bed, and I prayed, Lady Lunalesca. Not to God. I haven’t done that since Braxton left this world. But to him. I prayed to my son that I wouldn’t have to wake up. And that the next step I took would be to him, wherever he is, Lady Lunalesca. M Anime was talking about how one of her fur kids was the reincarnation of another. Now, that’s something I forgot. Why would I curse B III to this Lunalesca? Virgil and I take no steps to escape. I’m not Dante. B Steps Down Virgil

916 Days Without B III, Day 357 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 034 ~Virgil Knows, B’s Tales~

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Who do I tell when there’s nothing they can do? Braxton couldn’t save himself. But he fought to live so he could save me. “How to Save a Life.” I can’t fix the floor or fence or find a dentist for my face.” I’d tell B. And V? Virgil Knows, B’s Tales.

Friday, August 4, 2023

Tale 034 ~Virgil Knows, B’s Tales~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. That doesn’t make me benevolent. I’m neither brave nor bold. Balance isn’t helping this scared BOY!

It’s such an ugly word in how it’s spoken in this country. Not that I’ve heard it from a white person lately… We’ll get to that. I’m more concerned with the man in the mirror. No! The BOY. That’s what I am, Lady Sophia, a pathetic (puss… censored) poor BOY. Yeah? Should I start singing, “I’m just a poor boy; nobody loves me.” Yesterday… Please! But Virgil did try. I don’t talk to him about Braxton often. Only I was lying here crying about the rain… Again, we’ll get to that because, as the song goes, “I’m only happy when it rains.” Or I once was, but with everything coming down on me these days. Anyway, Virgil attempted to cuddle me, and I fell asleep.

Two things, Lady Sophia. One, I’m never happy. Two, when Braxton was here. It didn’t matter what happened as long as I was wrapped around him. He would somehow wind himself around whatever was hurting me… Which explains why he was constantly stepping on my head. Or the way he would watch over me always. I was safe, protected, and loved. Lady Sophia, a boy, and his dog. If I ever published that story, I wouldn’t be in the mess I am now. And truth be told, I want to make a mess I’ll never have to clean up. Ever! So, let’s start at the beginning. I’m “Feeling super, super (super!) suicidal.” Every day now. And of all the STUPID reasons, the fence is broken.

I’m 38, OK, Lady Sophia, and I have no idea what I will do. Call my Dad? Oh God! Well, not doing anything to help myself, I cut some weeds off the opposite fence. I then decided to check the route Braxton and I would walk behind the houses here. Those were much better days. Anyway, this guy calls out and asks if I live here. Then he asks where before he accuses me of trying to steal some bikes. “First, let me explain that I’m just a black man.” And so was he, Sophia. A black man! Not a white guy, a Karen, or M Anime and her… Racism? Existing has always been too much for me. No fairytale world Virgil Knows, B’s Tales.

915 Days Without B III, Day 356 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 033 ~ I’ll B Fearful Virgil~

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Oh, I remember “doing time” in the church. God has not given us the spirit of fear. No, my father gave me plenty. And when I became a father… once. I ain’t sure about V. Only he’s afraid. You’d have to be crazy not to be scared. I’ll B Fearful Virgil

Thursday, August 3, 2023

Tale 033 ~ I’ll B Fearful Virgil~

914 Days Without B III, Day 355 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I brought fries or other food back for the last months/year of your life. Always.

I didn’t have hope or courage. Whatever love I have is for you. And holding on to it, B was a… I swear, one of these days, I have to get over this censorship. But you see it B III. I’m still time-traveling. Today is Wednesday, July 26, 2023. So you can guess how I am Now and Later. What are you, a vampire? Now and Later candy? The movie Let Me In. Remember Braxton Barks? Ah! To be so young again, you and me. We weren’t scared of films. I tell myself that you weren’t afraid of anything. It’s a lie like saying I killed you, B III ha. Only I did. And you were scared of Granddaddy, furry “girls,” and leaving me alone.

If you’re asking what got me today, take your pick. Or should I say all the above? On the test, THEY would say go with C. But I know the answer… B. Always you, Thou Art Courageous. But you are your father’s son. And your granddaddy called me Wednesday. It went about as well as to be expected. If I wasn’t “Feeling super, super (super!) suicidal” before. Braxton, I hate to say it, but it could always be worse. Again, the two of us and women, ha-ha. Your aunt? I was pretty stupid to M-Anime. My words B. And then there’s Cherry. All these things I wish I could explain. But now I’m here with Virgil. Well, he’s on the bed. I’m still upset about YOUR pillows… Crap and vomit.

Have I got V a new one by this time? Do you want to know something else that scares me? Having not a dollar to my name. By the time you read this… um, workweek paycheck. It’ll be more than a few horrible weeks, but the floor, B? Do you recall when we had the ant invasion and the nightmares that kept waking me? And now cracks in the floorboards? Not to mention, the sound of the AC is driving me insane. I’m never happy. There was a time I complained that I didn’t hear a thing. And now the sounds of moaning, “Tiny Tabby.” And I keep saying it —the fear of time. I’m thirty-eight. I’m scared. So is Virgil. I’ll B Fearful Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 032 ~To Braxton, Virgil, Cheers~

WillLeave a comment

“I want a new drug.” Not anesthetizing like the Day Job. That’s if I’m not sweating bullets with my anxiety. And there’s bloody zombie movies. Turning “mountains” into snow-covered peaks… Eww! Or crying my eyes out over B. To Braxton, Virgil, Cheers

Wednesday, August 2, 2023

Tale 032 ~To Braxton, Virgil, Cheers~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But the last “drinks” I bought were for Braxton’s Aunt. She knows I’m a lightweight drinker.

Plus, despite everything, I’ll wallow in my grief and depression; thanks, Inspector. I end up crying five out of seven days anyway for various reasons. Braxton, for the most part. I am still considering again; I am time traveling. Today is Monday, July 24, 2023, so I talked to Madam J. And “Dear Future Wife” earlier. Talk about Chronomentrophobia. More like Chronophobia. I don’t even remember who I was talking to about that (sigh). Anyway, we’ll get to that. All I know is, at the moment, I want to drink until I pass out. Braxton is as good of an excuse as any. What if V fell down the stairs where he now sits? With me as a “friend,” he could use a drink, right?

But know this. Dear Inspector, the only one who needs or deserves any “pain” in their existence is me. And yes, I know, I’ve been quoting this Taylor Swift line plenty. “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.” The last thing I need to do is start drinking. If I want to throw up, I’ll go to Pizza Hut. Inspector, I’m surprised I can even get anything into my mouth. The way I’ve been spittin’ these days. Hell! I should say spitting, considering how pathetic I’ve been. The Critic? They’ve been quiet. Again, I’m time traveling, so by the time they read this… Inspector, I will be in no mood to care, considering I’ll be sweating bullets. Dangerous… Let’s focus on work and my overwhelming anxiety. Effing Day Job.

I want to cry every time I bother to look at the clock. I swear, next to the Man In The Mirror. There are those red numbers on the clock. I jump whenever I hear the phone go off. If it’s not a Facebook hacker, then it’s some alarm I’ve set to keep me moving. Being productive? The mirror, phone, the Day Job, uh Virgil. Why am I being a meanie, Echo? It’s like things that make me burst into tears for 500. Blood, sweat, and tears? What else, let me see… Better yet, NOOOO! NO! Because some girl is going to make the list. Then… Chances are I’ve broken, but again, who knows? Is alcohol a better vice? You think? To Braxton, Virgil, Cheers

913 Days Without B III, Day 354 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will