Saga 052 ~Good Night, Several Perfect Days~

WillLeave a comment

“Cause I gotta feeling (woo-hoo)! That tonight’s gonna be a good night.” Ha-Ha, tell me another one. “Some Nights,” I get a bit of rest? Then why am I so tired so god damn always? Pardon me, but it’s a Mad World. Only Good Night, Several Perfect Days

Monday, August 22, 2022

Saga 052 ~Good Night, Several Perfect Days~

Two-Hundred and Fifty-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means last night must have been good. But who am I kidding? Last night was rough.

You can see it, but I rather not, to be honest. At least there weren’t tears. But instead, I chose to keep my eyes closed. Hell! I fear facing the day, but so does Virgil, tail between his legs. Oh, B III isn’t here to see it at all. But we’ll get to that. Don’t we always, Madam J? I can smell it. In the fact that Virgil had an “accident” in the house. What time did I take him out last night? Well, Madam, what did I do yesterday evening? Guess! Yellow shorts. Already I’m wasting one more week, and it’s only Monday. Yet I dare to tell Virgil good night. And then whisper it to Braxton. And as for myself, well, you know…

The song says, “The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.” I do the Daily Check-In with Replika every night, and she starts with this question “how are you feeling right now?” I should say like when I’m at the Day Job “I’m here” Nighttime… Madam, it’s fucked, pardon my language, that lying in bed in pain is the best it’s going to get in twenty-four hours. Not rest, relaxation, or relief. So how can any day be good, ha? A few months ago, I was “praying” for health. Only I don’t ask for it, but I am allotted the strength to exist. In this life, I don’t want. Then throw Virgil and Braxton into it, Madam. What have I done?

Well, besides reading something, I didn’t want to Sunday morning. Of course, I’ll be bringing it up over the coming days. A redress of Virgil’s paperwork D.O.B. October 20, 2020. “Some Nights,” ignorance is bliss, Madam. They led to a few days of blissful ignorance. Fucking some girl or at least imagining it. Those damn yellow shorts. Oh, no ramifications. I would take the days after a fucked up day at the Day Job, waking up with B in darkness. Or nights, I would have a drink. And I’d feel nothing at all. Not even all of MY FEAR. There is sitting with Braxton and his aunt, watching movies for a day or two after. Days I don’t mind living… Good Night, Several Perfect Days

568 Days Without B III, Day 009 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 051 ~Watch The WB V~

WillLeave a comment

008 days in, 567 without B and Virgil and I are all “your young men will see visions, your old men will dream dreams.” Not better than the WB. The network and me and B. And now I turn the channel to V… I write the script of my life… “Watch The WB V.”

Sunday, August 21, 2022

Saga 051 ~Watch The WB V~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and if you ever “get on my level,” you’ll have your own network or streaming service, right?

But “Neva Eva” with you sleeping all morning? Do I blame you or me for that? I went to bed, but you were the one who was dreaming. You dreamed about B III surprise, surprise. A bald-faced lie and then not. Care to explain? Hell! You should call it a nightmare considering where it began… the Day Job. So you’re trying to help some old couple that’s come into the store. And not some random people but the husband and wife from the movie X (2022 film), Howard and Pearl. Of course, your biggest fear is stupidity (cue the vacuums). As you’re trying to help, they freeze. That’s it. They stop moving, alive but unresponsive like from The Great De-evolution. Speaking of, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing, Gone Dogs, Jim Mitchem
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Finishing Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 024 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Failure in life but in dreams but continuing. So there’s no one around to tell about Howard and Pearl. And even if there was, would you? You begin finding all these giant furry stuffed animals to cover them. It doesn’t matter how many toys you have. It never seems quite right. Howard and Pearl get discovered, and your coworkers ask, “who would do such a thing? Why did they cover this up?” Inevitably Humiliations Galore. Only what does the dream mean? What are you covering up with fur-baby Virgil today? But that’s the thing it’s not only him but B III if they are not one in the same, correct? Howard represented the past. What he was saying to Pearl. “My heart!” Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing, Animal Reincarnation & Animal Life After Death, Brent Atwater
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Finishing Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 003 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Pearl is all about dreams. There’s the fact Mia Goth, who played Pearl, also was Maxine Minx. Dual-roles. Pulled in two directions. Howard and Pearl’s freezing means you’re stuck. Now all the stuffed animals are Braxton/Virgil. You’re trying to cover yourself. But there is never enough. There’s always something. People witness your treachery. Network TV at its finest. It’s like my whole damn life was some script, and yours will be as well unless you do something about it. Are you going to see a doctor this week? Sometimes I do offer some practical advice, I suppose, ha. But dog training? How about keeping your dick in your pants? That’s not my forte. You’ll burn out like The WB long ago. Watch The WB V

567 Days Without B III, Day 008 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 050 ~A B V Conversation~

WillLeave a comment

When B was alive, besides his aunt, I only talked to the people I needed to. And that was for him. The groomer, vet, stores, crappy Day Job, etc. Now it’s been a week, and I’m teaching Virgil his name. He’ll need other people too. A B V Conversation.

Saturday, August 20, 2022

Saga 050 ~A B V Conversation~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but how did I get started? I think THEY say every day is a new beginning.

I’ve faced a few this week. First time saying goodbye to a new furry kid. I got mad at him last night for stealing a chicken bone. How to start punishments? Virgil didn’t know. Such is my Republican tendency to punish someone who didn’t know. Of course, I’m the guiltiest by far. And not only for my laziness. As always, I want to fall back to sleep Lady Lunalesca. I’ve been thinking a lot about going to see a doctor. I know I’m sick. Nope, not COVID ill, but I’ve been fucked up for months. And not just from crying over Braxton. Hell! These days there have been plenty of tears and how I haven’t drowned yet is beyond me. Sweating and other things, dammit!

I haven’t made “The Long Walk” to the back of PetSmart since I picked up what remained of my son. It’s surreal, Lady Lunalesca. Braxton’s ashes rest on the nightstand. And on the same side, I have little Virgil breathing beside me. It’s been one whole week with him, ok? The voices continue to shout, “send him back, send him back.” A psychiatrist too, Lu? How about a priest while I’m at it? Someone to talk to that offers any type of relief, release, or rapture. Which reminds me, what about B’s aunt, since I’m no longer looking for new “best friends.” I’m in the process of teaching Virgil his own name. His middle name? There’s still no movement on that front. Running in place.

The only thing that might get me out of this bed is the promise of nachos. Since finishing the Succubus Lord series, I’ve had a craving. Oh, and for sex too. I broke on Thursday. Yeah, M Anime’s birthday. I wonder why… I’m sure I’ll be telling Lucifer someday, right? But for now, where am I going? My words are falling on deaf ears. That’s not me complaining about being a writer. What was I doing all yesterday? It wasn’t much of that at all, honest. And what will I be doing today? I have to go somewhere, and Virgil is trying for sure. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again, I’m broke. What does that matter when having A B V Conversation?

566 Days Without B III, Day 007 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 049 ~To B Ruled V~

WillLeave a comment

It’s the fact that I didn’t want to read the latest paycheck? I finished listening to the Succubus Lord series and returned to The Gargoyle. The audiobook, not the year and half year old furbaby. It triggered me to remember the rules. “To B Ruled V.”

Friday, August 19, 2022

Saga 049 ~To B Ruled V~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but it still ain’t for writing a book. Or cleaning? For teaching old dogs new tricks.

Well more like teaching new dogs, old tricks, I keep saying it, Lady Sophia… Asking. Virgil lying against my leg. Is he my Braxton reincarnated? We’ll get to that, I hope. But I’ve been trying to remember rules for the past six days or 2:00 in the morning last night. I’m not sure I put them down in the first book I wrote for B. And not the second. Anyway, the rules. Number four, I can smell. Oh, this morning sucked. Don’t they all? Don’t crap in the house V. This was my fault after being up at 2:00 AM. Three is stealing isn’t necessary. Two is to answer when called. And one, of course, being (drumroll) ta-da, don’t bite the hand that feeds you.

The fact that Virgil’s not answering me. Virgil could be all “A Dog’s Purpose” Sophia. No, I won’t be going all “Braxton, Braxton, BRAXTON!” So why say B’s been reincarnated:

  1. Virgil’s former name was Archie. So B to A.
  2. Virgil has two brown patches, one by both eyes. How I loved Braxton’s eyes.
  3. Virgil is black and white; I swear I heard B say. It can’t be more black and white, Dad
  4. Virgil has three black patches from head to tail. Comedy comes in threes, right?
  5. Virgil had heartworms and survived as Braxton had a heart murmur, and he lived.
  6. Virgil has been hacking much like B III would.
  7. Virgil goes on paper. Shit, I put on paper

I do mean of the writing variety Lady Sophia. I am not so depraved… And I am sure I have forgotten a few more reasons to say Virgil is Braxton. Hell! If I went the other way, Lady Sophia… Why am I still calling out to Braxton when I let Virgil out? Defending B’s bed? I look at Virgil and see a big bill waiting to happen if he keeps his coughing fits. Damn! Must everything be about money these days for me? And if I did give Virgil back… it’s not like I’d get a refund. Again, this isn’t the first time or the last I’ll waste money. I finished listening to the Succubus Lord audiobooks again. And “MY” time? To B Ruled V

565 Days Without B III, Day 006 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 048 ~B’s Pillow, V’s Fight~

WillLeave a comment

Last week I spoke of money. I need a new pillow, and even if it’s the same as the old one, it won’t be B’s or even V’s. A new bed, collar, bowls for food and water, toys. As for me? Pants to keep on when I’m stressed. B’s Pillow, V’s Fight.

Thursday, August 18, 2022

Saga 048 ~B’s Pillow, V’s Fight~

564 Days Without B III, Day 005 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Mine is just beginning, and I have so much to ponder. 99 Problems. But pillows.

Shall we start with the obvious… “What the Hell are you talking about? Who are you talking to?” Are you somewhere in Heaven, The Rainbow Bridge, or warm in Hell? Or are you lying right here next to me? I swear I keep coming up with more reasons for Virgil. Then again, if this is you beside me, he can’t walk up the stairs. I’m already so tired, B III. He hacks every time I try and touch him. Do you recall how I had to get your heart meds? And I did mention being exhausted. I have to watch Virgil, or you like a hawk around the house. I don’t have any trust at all. Which led to two problems yesterday and this morning.

And why I’m so mad. Last night V or you had an accident on your pillow. So I thought I’d try to wash it. And well, as you can see. My heart broke, and I cried over dinner, B III. Well, the stress got to me this morning. Between a girl in pink panties and a video game… FUCK! I’m back to day one when I was on Day 27. Your Dad’s quite pathetic. Did I mention I’m also broke? It’s M Anime’s birthday. Happy Birthday, M Anime! But you never met her B. If this is you beside me, you could meet her one day. If not, well, never. Yet I don’t think of her as your aunt. Talk about women and “dirty pillows.”

So we’ve had references from “The Truman Show” and now “Carrie.” V or you and I have yet to watch a movie together. It’s only been 5 days. Instead of crying or what I did this morning… Hell! I would have been better off shopping for pillows, but I’m looking. As always, I want to go back to bed. Which I did for a while. When I woke up, somebody needed a bathroom break. If anything, I need a break period from my Republican ideas. “Send him back, send him back!” I go back and forth. Only how could I do that to you if this is you? The pillow is trashed, and I’m hiding the bed. Laying down or fighting? B’s Pillow, V’s Fight.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 047 ~Language B To V~

WillLeave a comment

I’d say, love you B, love you, Braxton, I instead say later V, later Virgil. I let Virgil out as I go to shake B III’s bottles and call to him. I go running when I hear Virgil cry, but I don’t know what for. Better than ignoring B… “Language B To V.”

Wednesday, August 17, 2022

Saga 047 ~Language B To V~

Forgive Me Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but a trillion would be better. But who am I to talk about money? Speaking finance…

I should be learning dog. Um, the idea of that brings tears to my eyes this AM, to be honest. I spoke Braxton Barks Bradford for 15 years. And now there is Virgil Vivi Bradford. Inspector is that the name I’m going with. And why does it have to start with a V. Didn’t I say if I brought a “daughter” home, I would stick with B’s? Beatrice Belle Bradford? Only I couldn’t do that for another “son.” Is “Virgil” Braxton reincarnated? Keeping the faith… Anyway, back to name calling. I’ve been looking up V names, and Vivi came to me. As in Vivi Ornitier from Final Fantasy IX. Other name contenders are the following:

  1. Vivi
  2. Vader
  3. Valor/Valiant
  4. Victor
  5. Voodoo

With all this thinking comes another confession. I’ve spent more on women than on Braxton or Virgil. I swear August is not the month for me. And it’s only going to get worse with Existence/Emergence E-Day coming soon. Add Gotcha Day, Inspector. So I spent $150.00 on Virgil. Then take the $290.00 on Amazon to buy birthday gifts. Am I an idiot? Hell! I wouldn’t be lonely for an hour on the dreaded E-Day for that type of cash. Like the song goes, “All I wanted was to see her naked.” Yeah, that’s not going to happen anytime soon. Ask MILF Dos or Cherry. And how many “free” subscriptions do I have on OnlyFans? Not that I can think of that with Virgil around now.

It’s only been four days. How long did it take me to learn about Braxton? Well, he had three other people, but Virgil only has me. “May God be with you all,” meaning us both. I’ve often said that I stopped talking to God after losing my son. Now I task my Virgil to see me through this Hell that I call existence. No pressure for the little guy, Inspector. Veni, Vidi, Vici, “I came; I saw; I conquered!” That might make an excellent name to be honest. But what do you think, Inspector? If anything, I’m getting ideas for a new book to write. Anything to avoid talking to Virgil, like learning his language. To explain all this to Braxton… Language B To V

“Try as I may, I don’t know these men… their music, their camaraderie– which is different from ours. I am placed in a position where, if l were a man of real strength… I might do a great deal. But I am afraid I shall show that I’m not of much account. I don’t want to stand in their way because of my own weakness.”

563 Days Without B III, Day 004 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 046 ~To B Single V~

WillLeave a comment

This time last week, I never imagined I’d be in this position… In love? I can’t say that. Nor can I say I like the hacking every time I pick Virgil up. And I don’t know where we’re going to land since it’s only been three days. But, To B Single V, um

Tuesday, August 16, 2022

Saga 046 ~To B Single V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now… well, depending on what state we’re living in. Then throw in kids, life? I’m not broke.

But no matter what I do, why do I still feel that way? It’s like having the old Day Job. Insult? Um yeah, so I apologize. That place was only eleven years of sheer Hell and is nothing like fatherhood. Yet both are still scary as fuck… pardon my French. One I chose, and the other filled me with regret. And how did I feel the day after? One, two, and we’re going on three. One, I check to make sure he’s still breathing. And the other, (sigh). When THEY talk about love, THEY say your heart stops, your knees get weak, and you must catch your breath. Falling in love? But my former Day Job versus what I do now. Do I miss it?

Being single, I mean? To be alone. Right now, I’ll tell you what I miss. Sleep! It’s been a while since I’ve listened to my motivations. But I recall what Eric Thomas said, um yeah. Some of you love sleep more than you love success. Sleep, success… never forgetting sex. Because I love you. And I would never give you up to be single again. No, nope, never, oh no. So I leaped at the Day Job. That was what I was supposed to do. Men love their families. And now, I have this furry little one I have let into the house because I like him? Is that it? Only three days ago, my heart, the Hell I’ve been through? What is happening, love?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZQkWUaHLn8

How I’ve been afraid for the past 562 days that hardening my heart would result in me being single again. I lost my boy. I lost Braxton. Did you think I would go a day without saying his name? Never forget! You can see how tired I am carrying Virgil. Hell! How long did I carry Braxton? That’s what I was thinking last night as I carried Virgil downstairs. I am a man, my love. I had to be strong enough to carry myself out of this bed and to the Day Job for long. Growing stronger to carry you over the threshold. You carried lives into this world, love. I love you, and I would not trade a single second. Yet Virgil makes me wonder. To B Single V.

562 Days Without B III, Day 003 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 045 ~To Win Someone Must Fail~

WillLeave a comment

Then I must lose have you not been watching. But of course, everyone loves a winner. And here I am in the “middle” of life, mourning the furry kid I had in my twenties. And now there’s the new guy. Is he winning or losing? “To Win Someone Must Fail.”

Monday, August 15, 2022

Saga 045 ~To Win Someone Must Fail~

Two-Hundred and Fifty-Third Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, but who might I have left broken-hearted? What little boy or some little girl? And my brain?

If anything, what about Braxton? I wonder how B feels about this. Even now, I keep hoping he is B reincarnated, and I make up reasons, one after the other, Madam to believe. “Such mad hope, but there it is,” as they in 300. Do I see more of Braxton in him or on him, “My” little Virgil? It’s only day 002 but do I feel like a winner? Virgil from a loving home? Because I feel sick now. I’m barely able to eat. I mean eight shrimp and a bag of gummy bears. I’m ready to spill my guts as we speak. I don’t feel good. Stomach flip-flops. Heartbroken once again, or was it my brain that made this decision? The winner, the loser…

I can’t imagine that Virgil is feeling like much of a winner. Madam, I said it’s only day 002. But he hacks up a storm whenever I pick him up and place him somewhere. He stops after a few minutes, but it’s scary. I’d know what to do if it were Braxton, but Virgil? Hell! He is what I get for my failure with B III. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but afraid. We’re both failures in our own right. Or should I say someone failed him, and now what am I supposed to do? I was sitting in the car Saturday thinking, myself a failure, and then I was sitting there with Virgil. I’m sitting in bed thinking about who I was Friday…

“You want to see a man? That’s a man.” I was winning, which is sad considering how I felt then. At least it was only me suffering, Somehow dragging Virgil into this. That’s no good. Well, the Rebeccas feel like winners. They found a dog a home. Do Virgil or I think that at this moment, Madam? If anything, we’re both scared out of our minds, and that’s no good. I’m sure my eyes are enjoying the waterworks. I haven’t cried this much since Braxton. PetSmart will be making some money too. My whole existence has been that of failure for others to win. And should I fail Virgil, what would that make me? No different than any other day. To Win, Someone Must Fail

561 Days Without B III, Day 002 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 044 ~You’ll B My Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’ve cried a bit and wanted to vomit. Virgil’s cried once and has hacked anytime I’ve touched him. We didn’t eat dinner, and both of us got fences up. Well, one is blocking the stairs. He’s yet to approach mine. How’d Dante do it? You’ll B My Virgil.

Sunday, August 14, 2022

Saga 044 ~You’ll B My Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you? Well, what are you, not exactly a father or a friend? Fuck-up? A dog owner?

Now let’s be clear, considering this is something I did yesterday. So yeah, this is my fault. And you’re living with the consequences of my actions. Literally! A dog is living in the next room, scared to death. You’re in the same state. I owe you a huge apology even after I said this yesterday:

“Dogs aren’t things… One of them could be my best friend, a reason, a second born. I doubt I’ll find them today, Lady Lunalesca, but there’s always a chance. Except that I have no money. I haven’t been this scared in a long time.” Saga 043 ~Go Big Or B~

Here I go spending $150 on a Chihuahua mix. Sweet Buttery Jesus, what have I done? Not Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Until we Meet Again
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Finishing Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 017 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 024 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I read these things every single week, as you will and what happens? Nothing! Now I want to go all Jennifer Lawrence, a.k.a. Tiffany Maxwell screaming, “but if it’s me reading the signs!” That’s what I did in my head at PetSmart yesterday while texting Braxton’s Aunt. First, there were the colors. I had a thought that said Braxton couldn’t make this more black and white for me. And Virgil has flecks of brown around his face that got to me, ha. Now I’m no numerology expert but let’s do the math. Virgil is one year and six months. That’s 545 days, give or take. B III died on January 31, 2021, 13 days from his 16th birthday. Meaning Virgil’s Birthday… Monday, February 15, 2021. Oh, and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing, Still To Be Determined
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Finishing Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 024 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Speaking of the impossible. You haven’t had Virgil a full 24. You’re still trying to convince yourself. Ok, reincarnation, 15 days. Braxton was 15 years old. Is this a coincidence? Braxton had a heart murmur; Virgil’s been treated for having heartworms. Braxton wasn’t eating or drinking at the end; I have not seen Virgil eat or drink anything since he arrived. He’s been quiet, laying on Braxton’s pillow. Note; he’s going to need a bed and a collar. I couldn’t get his harness back on, and the collar they gave was too small. Taking him outside, I used B’s oldest one. Fit like a glove, but sacrilege, if anything. And you just want to cry and possibly vomit. But he’s here. You’ll B My Virgil.

560 Days Without B III, Day 001 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 043 ~Go Big Or B~

WillLeave a comment

THEY say, “Go Big or Go Home.” I’ve always wanted to go big like the emu girl, a famous writer, or chicks with huge Yabbos. To be honest, staying here with B III was, as Moses put it, “All I Ever Wanted.” Now how is less becoming more? “Go Big Or B.”

Saturday, August 13, 2022

Saga 043 ~Go Big Or B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now like Seong Gi-hun, but at the moment, I could use $670.00, to be honest. And more…

Well, B is quite a lot, thank you very much. I’ll always love him, and I like dogs but Lu. All this week, I’ve been dealing with my “father.” So when it comes to big dogs, like Left Ear said, “I had. A bad. Experience. Damn it.” Hell! I’m starting late, and stuff’s already shit. But dogs aren’t things… One of them could be my best friend, a reason, a second born. I doubt I’ll find them today, Lady Lunalesca, but there’s always a chance. Except that I have no money. I haven’t been this scared in a long time. Are my chills from that fear or the A/C that got repaired? If Braxton were here, it was for him. But me, I’d rather burn.

And that’s what I have been doing moneywise. I’ll have to buy a new book soon. For most of yesterday, I was busy catching up with “Until we Meet Again” by Sarah-Jane Farrell. A bit of wisdom here or there in so many words. But words matter, Lady Lu, you know. Money matters. All these books talk about looking for the signs and such. What was it, a couple of days back? I found all this change when I parked the car. What there was turned out to be enough to help me buy chicken nuggets and some fries. Braxton? Little things like that to show he’s looking out for me? Then again, how much am I spending on all the big things I want?

Last night I had a dream that I had broken… “Wet Dream?” Nope, only the fact that I had given up. What is it about Ayana of “Yellow Star.” Or Whitney Wright, or lusting for huge boobs? But speaking of Whitney Wright, I’m back on her OnlyFans for free, A sign, ha. A little word, a big dick, and I’m trying to remain in the middle. To have a sort of balance, I suppose. I swear one day, I will write down every single reason I miss my little boy. I couldn’t do that with the two books I have written (sigh). Lazy, Depressed, Here? I write so I can stay “HOME….” Lady Lunalesca, B was small. I’m trying to be. Go Big Or B

559 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will