Tag: Drowning

Meditation 114 ~I’ll B Running Virgil~

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Did I outrun love or did B outrun me? God is Love… My Braxton is Love. He nearly made it to 16. Virgil is a quarter of the way there at 4. But what am I really running my mouth about today? Drowning in emotion or an energy shot. I’ll B Running Virgil

Wednesday, October 23, 2024

Meditation 114 ~I’ll B Running Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned… Like the MAGA hats, if I’m breathing, I’m lying. But instead of asking why. Let’s focus on how.

For the record, today is Saturday, October 19, 2024. (Record Scratch) “Yup, that’s me; you’re probably wondering how I ended up in this situation.” Honestly? I downed an energy shot and decided to clean up Braxton’s yard. Shouldn’t I go start calling it Virgil’s yard? He turned four on Sunday. What was I doing when Braxton was that age? Sigh…

That’s the thing, Inspector. It’s not why I was his father. His Dad, but how. Don’t worry, your pretty head; we’ll get to females in a minute. Braxton found me. Love is louder and faster. Did I ever tell you I wanted to run track in school, Inspector Echo? Running.

I wasn’t in school when he found me, but he kept up. I carried him. My little boy B III.

Well, when he grew older. I’m never going to stop missing him. And I’m never going to stop saying how much being forty sucks. Thirty-nine, thirty-eight, thirty-seven… All the way “Back at One.” Again, Girls, Girls, Girls, comes later. But a couple of hours ago, in the backyard, much like at the Day Job, I started having terrible thoughts. “My future? It’s coming on, it’s coming on, it’s coming on.” And that means failure, fewer dollars, and the magic word, Inspector. FEAR! I’m awake because I’m afraid of everything. Everyone!

Echo, it’s all of the time. Ask me to name a fear off the top of my head. Water. Drowning.

I say I’m going to overflow like Mamimi Samejima from FLCL. And here we go.

If I’m not sweating because of some phantasm in “my” nightmares. Catching some form of the plague. Or doing public works. Uh, cleaning up the yard for puppies or neighbors.

Then I’m up because of my… A private part of my anatomy. Not so private for $5.00 or $100 for “The Full Monty” face and all. Pumping my life away. However, I wonder if energy shots REALLY help me push myself forward or if it is The Placebo effect. The constant questioning and self-doubt are a part of me now.

Whatever it is, Inspector, it has me at the dining room table and not swimming in sheets upstairs. And I can’t swim. Not without some pretty chick with giant floaties. AKA nice Yabbos. But somehow, Braxton kept me on solid ground. I’ll B Running Virgil

1361 Days Without B III, Day 802 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 318 ~Virgil’s Drowning Risk B~

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My fears? Braxton’s passing, which I survived… My Olds who are very much alive, and neither one has put me in the ground yet. Then drowning. I even turned off Far Cry 5 when I saw that happening. But Virgil is off and crying? Virgil’s Drowning Risk B

Tuesday, May 14, 2024

Tale 318 ~Virgil’s Drowning Risk B~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… Enough to keep your head above water. Or do I lay my coat over puddles at your feet, my love?

Do I want to be a gentleman today? As with most days—well, let’s say 1199 of them—I want to be a man. I won’t say a happy man, but a man provides. And I’m trying. I always am.

But, my Braxton is gone.

Again, I’m trying to keep Virgil from the same fate. For as long as I can. He has a veterinary appointment tomorrow, so AHEM:

“Shots,
shots,
shots,
shots,
shots,
shots!”

Not a day goes by that I don’t remember the last two that B took. Or was it three? Hmm.

“Shot through the heart, and you’re to blame.” I did that to my furry son. And now to my lovely wife? You’re still here, but Braxton isn’t. What about me?

I’m keeping my head above water. But nobody likes seeing that. So I’m lying here. Waking up, I gasp for air with an expletive upon my lips. No wonder Virgil stays off the bed. And our other children? If I can go through the day without mentioning Braxton. Or saying anything scandalous or scary or that makes someone else sad. Not even now, love. As I can exist… without happiness. I can’t without sadness or FEAR. It won’t go away.

If I am going to wake up wet, with bad words, and wanting another baby. I’d rather be with you, yeah. You keep drowning me in your love. Are you crying from all the laughter, pleasure from… or relief from me not talking about Braxton?

Sigh. Even a sigh means that I’m still breathing. I’m alive. Only the flooding never stops, my love. It’s been raining for so long. And I’m sure even Braxton’s Aunt has grown sick of me. She said she would bring a boat if we ever had another situation like Noah and God’s Wrath, as read in the Bible. But both she and you never knew it would be B III’s passing that would bring this.

I understand what you’re asking of me. I’m a drowning man pulling you under. You’re asking me, when will I grow. Life gave me lemons; I can’t make it lemonade. And I’ll make apple juice because I need to see a doctor. And no man is an island. Water, water, everywhere. Virgil’s Drowning Risk B

1199 Days Without B III, Day 640 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Episode 273 ~Will Drown For Food~

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Drinking more water, “trying” to get up and do some real work, staying cleaning and not lying in dirty clothes for the whole day; it all seems like so much that I can barely breathe but what’s the point. “Will Drown For Food”

Sunday, March 31, 2019

Episode 273 ~Will Drown For Food~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, if you need an honest answer, Breasts. Find a way to see Tits without paying. Get Boobs to pay to see Knockers on Knockouts. Find a Bosom you want to keep for yourself and make her yours.

You’ve started reading a new motivational book, The Secret by Rhonda Byrne. Tomorrow will be different, but for now, it’s making sense. What’s one more chef like I talked about yesterday. Another mentor, more learning? Have you forgotten to be grateful? What you’ve learned so far is that you attract what you think about the most. So, of course, Ta-tas. You wanted to see the Cosplayer’s, and so you have. You paid a pretty penny to see the MILF’s, but you got it done. You saw “Okay’s” for free (for the most part) along with Indiana Gone’s. You want to see them, and there’s no shortage. If you put those on the list, you’ll be looking at 100%. Still, here we are, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 008 No Fap)
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
    Failed
  3. I Will Review Crave (Addicted To You #1) K.M. Scott
    Failed
  4. I Will Enter The Mythic March Short Story Contest
    Failed
  5. I Will Read Love The Way You Lie by Skye Warren
    Completed
  6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel
    Failed

You have thought about that story of Socrates. How he nearly drowned a man on a quest for knowledge. Eric Thomas tells the same story about success. You know “when you want (blank) as badly as you want to breathe.” So for you, that’s girls. Now you’re also a student of Scarface and the things he had to do to obtain power. The old blood, sweat, and tears mentality of your hard work. That you have to know, you do?

However, there is an attraction. Controlling one’s thoughts. How you can’t imagine how difficult that is. The “F” Word no not “Fucking” (Language). The other F word. I’m reluctant to say because you know how Hemingway flags it as “uncertainty.” Much like Six Impossible Things:

  1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 008 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
  3. I Will Write 10,200 Words For NaNoWriMo
  4. I Will Review Crave (Addicted To You #1) K.M. Scott
  5. I Will Enter The Mythic March Short Story Contest
  6. I Will Finish Reading The Secret by Rhonda Byrne

I know it’s hard to explain. It’s like your bed is a sinking ship, and you jump overboard with the promise of something to keep you afloat. Instead, Will, you climb back into that doomed ship. As far as you’re concerned you’re dead either way right? Only this is the thinking that needs to stop. One good thought overrides a hundred negatives, but you have a lifetime of that. Your sea is the air that you breathe. So if you’re going under anyway, it might as well be moving towards something you want. You didn’t have a laptop before. A thousand dollars was a dream. Women, that want to take their clothes off for money; who could imagine such a thing? Whether you’re a baby or a grown man, you know what you want. So yes, Will Drown For Food.

I Will Have No Fear