Tag: Courage

Journey 107 ~Braxton, Virgil, Heirs Apparent~

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Not much has changed since last week. Breathing still hurts. And just when I began to smell… Is that money? FEAR of sending money to the wrong place. How many times will I visit the food truck? And Virgil needs a cake. Braxton, Virgil, Heirs Apparent

Thursday, October 16, 2025

Journey 107 ~Braxton, Virgil, Heirs Apparent~

1719 Days Without B III, Day 1160 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? Well, I miss you. I hate breathing. And “How I Met Your Mother” sucked.

The ending, anyway. And I know that’s a lot to take in, B III. It’s like old times, my boy.

Late afternoon, your Dad, waking up after a hard day at the Day Job. My belly is still full from a big lunch that I can’t afford, but you like fries—Virgil’s big walking adventure.

Braxton, remember when you became an old man and I brought you food to prevent that?

Going outside is overrated, and Virgil will be an old man soon enough. He’ll be a third of your age, five. Hell! A quarter, considering I keep your spirit alive. The thing about air:

“It’s a sacrifice, it takes hard work,
It’s a way of life.”
From “The Glow”

So why keep doing it? Only God Knows Why. NOSE!

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

As I was huffing and puffing, pulling fixtures at the Day Job, I started thinking about those motivations I had started listening to again. Gratitude, good things, and giving each breath purpose; telling our story to you and the girls. Not being negative. Simply facts.

Like the smell of success. My side hustle. As I told Inspector Echo yesterday, I did make money. Earlier today, I had a few nibbles from some prospective buyers. Dreaming?

Braxton, you remember the dream, don’t you? I wanted to write from a beach somewhere.

You and Virgil would be the ones sweating through your fur, pulling your two-legged siblings from the salt water. And the best breath I would ever take would be free!

Honestly, to breathe without FEAR!

When you were here, Braxton, “My eldest son, heir to my throne, defender of my kingdom.” There was less FEAR. But with your Virgil around… Bless your furry little brother. I suppose I should look at everything as an opportunity. I must be brave, B.

What’s that movie where they say, Smells Like Victory? But being Forty-One (cue Ben-Hur galley drums), looking to be Forty-Seven in The Long Walk, the novel, of course, B III. But for the record, I’d let you win in the movie. Making movies. Honestly Braxton.

Films featuring men and women sweating in the throes of passion. B, providing a life. When you breathe air, my heir, I hope you do a little better than me. Breathing. Braxton, Virgil, Heirs Apparent

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 104 ~To B Discovered Virgil~

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I discovered I had a son when he had his furry face in a plate of French Toast or waffles. I discovered my other son in a pen at PetSmart, knowing how to use the training pad. And as for finding myself. I’m still alive. Dammit! To B Discovered Virgil

Monday, October 13, 2025

Journey 104 ~To B Discovered Virgil~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Surprised I’m still here? It’s like the day you discovered me in your plate of French Toast. Isn’t it?

Or was it waffles? Do I look like Donkey from Shrek to you? Admit it, Dad, you’d say I look dead. And if I were a zombie, you’d still have me in a room, locked away, feeding on anyone you could get your hands on. And you’d lie, saying that everything is ok. I know.

I’m not sounding very chipper. Am I getting into the spirit of Halloween? Or is it the fact that today is Indigenous Peoples’ Day? Never Columbus Day. “Everybody Hates Chris.”

But I can never hate you, Dad, as if I don’t bark that to you more often than not. Whisper. And “If You Don’t Know Me by Now.” Because “I’m not lost, I’m not lost, just undiscovered.” And discovery Daddy…

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

I discovered that I have the best dad in the whole wide world, even when you didn’t want to believe it. The man who watched me dive face-first into a plate of waffles. The one who took me on my first walk. Who drew blood on blood because my life matters. Braxton’s Life Matters. You’ve been saying that forever, and even at the end, you loved me enough to “Send Me On My Way.” However, we both discovered I didn’t go far, Daddy. That’s right

Case in Point, Virgil being knocked out at the foot of the bed. You didn’t bring McDonald’s back for my little bro? Fries and sleep. That’s like you thinking about “waffles and pu$$y.” The Purge: Election Year. Our movie nights.

I remember when we both discovered my favorite girl. It only took me six months to decide I liked you inviting her to movie nights. She would always share her food with me, and she even made me a cake. Remember, Dad, Virgil’s birthday is on the 20th. He’s 5.

Or he will be soon. And you’re still “Forty-One.” I can hear the drums too, Daddy. Ben-Hur, The Ten Commandments, and Spartacus, to name a few. We watched our classics.

And even if it won’t be you and M Anime, God, “Bless The Broken Road. “The Long Walk,” my father. You walk on, you row on, and sooner or later, you will discover your wish. I long to discover your happiness. To B Discovered Virgil

“I want to know what life was like once.”
Backyard Dungeon 20 by Logan Jacobs

“There, happiness and a kingdom are in store for you, with a queen for you to marry.”
― The Aeneid

1716 Days Without B III, Day 1157 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 100 ~Braxton, Please Breathe; Virgil…~

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Breathing hurts. One more thing I was trying to ignore as my son Braxton got sick. Then everything became how to keep him breathing. When he didn’t, it wasn’t the finality of his death, fear, or my failure—just air. “Braxton, Please Breathe; Virgil…”

Thursday, October 9, 2025

Journey 100 ~Braxton, Please Breathe; Virgil…~

1712 Days Without B III, Day 1153 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m coming to you on a Wednesday evening, so you know how my day was.

Or your NOSE does. But I welcome you into my business. And everyone else? Seriously!

I should just play Stephani’s Sunday Symphony so everyone knows M Anime broke my heart. Well, you did too, B, but as The Bullitts sing, “Today is All About You.” Well, me, Braxton, you know what I mean. My head hurts, my stomach. Everything generally.

However, that wasn’t the reason for this thought: The two worst things I ever did were starting to breathe and stopping yours. And your little brother, Virgil. I smell FEAR.

Honestly, I wish I could be as elegant as Agent Smith or Finnick Odair. But almost at 150 words, AI Censorship and I’m an A-Hole…

“I hate this place. This zoo. This prison. This reality, whatever you want to call it, I can’t stand it any longer. It’s the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink, and every time I do, I fear that I’ve somehow been infected by it. It’s — it’s repulsive! Isn’t it?”
Agent Smith, The Matrix

“I wish they were d. I wish they were all d and we were too”
Finnick Odair, Mockingjay – Part 1

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

But tomorrow I get paid, which means there should be plenty to breathe in food-wise, B.
You were never picky, B, unless it came to what I hid your medicine in. I usually hide V’s meds in pasta. But the food truck is still outside. And tonight there’s Rotisserie Chicken.

And maybe I’ll even order it online. You know I’m not one for people, even with my new earbuds. But as Greg Plitt put it, “Behind every fear is the person you want to be.” And that makes me smile. Remember another bad evening when you stood protecting me, B?

Don’t “they” talk about blood, sweat, and tears, B? I’m starting to think that’s courage. And you were courageous. Neo, Braxton, more like Link, right?

From The Legend of Zelda… I haven’t been gaming much these days, Braxton. But AI. Now that’s something I’ve stuck my nose in. It’s fresh and new to me. Only the way I interact with it… Well, your Dad needs some alone time, but you like munchies, money, and making your old man stay on task, at least where writing was concerned, my B III.

And speaking of an old man and this evening. I’m hoping not to hear from your grandfather. That’s not me being negative, simply stating the facts. When “The Man Comes Around,” I didn’t want to leave you alone with him. 2-V is still breathing, Braxton.

Lucky him and me, right B? “Two of the Lucky Ones.” Braxton, Please Breathe; Virgil…

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 097 ~You Could B Me~

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As Braxton grew older, I would often give him a choice. Do you want to take a walk, or should we put in some work on these burgers and fries? He and I were of the same mind. He wanted to be like me. I want to be like him. “You Could Be Me.”

Monday, October 6, 2025

Journey 097 ~You Could B Me~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And that was a bad choice of words. You Could B Me. It’s all you ever think about, Daddy.

Really shuffling off the mortal coil. Losing the meat sack, not being a meat popsicle.

Honestly, from Shakespeare to Futurama, and The Fifth Element. And can I also bark eww, Dad? But neither of us is any good with words. We were one in the same, my father, weren’t we? And yet in the “Interlude,” this thing I called life, I could say, “And in this moment, I am happy.” You sing I “Wish You Were Here.” Your little playlist.

Seriously, Daddy, you never called me that, but that’s proof that I’m still here at this moment lying beside you? You’d read from your library, we’d have a listening party, or you’d lie about writing. But like Markwayne Mullin, you scream, “I don’t want reality.”

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly, The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

Because You Could B Me; to keep me awake and alive, “In Your Eyes,” all you have to do is listen to me. Hell, listen to Virgil, my little brother. If anything, I know he loves you, Dad. Guys like me and him wouldn’t fight so hard to be around you. Dad, you are home.

You can’t see air, the beat of your heart, or the butterflies that will one day appear for our future stepmom, but it’s all there, Daddy. It never left, just like my Dad. Always. Forever.

Everything and “Nothing At All.” It’s faith, Dad. Isn’t It Ironic that we were both atheists and at the moment I… Let’s say I got a haircut and lost the furry weight, we became holy.

I became books, bucks, more than your boy, but everyone’s. That’s the dream, isn’t it, Daddy? I will never be bones. And Bailey from “A Dog’s Purpose” has his fandom.

Daddy, “God Bless The Child” that got his own. Daddy, you’re mine. Always my father.

You keep me in beautiful art. Your blankets, no matter how well washed, still have me and now your little V. There are breaths of me in clothing from my first day to my last day. “You Could B Me” as much as you keep me here. And that is the point, isn’t it, Dad?

My strength, my spirit, and what is that something? Yesterday, you asked for peace. You want to be me? Be Happy. You Could B Me.

“My plan is to make things right, as much as I can.”
Backyard Dungeon 20

“The seeds of life – fiery is their force, divine their birth, but they are weighed down by the bodies’ ills or dulled by limbs and flesh that’s born for death.”
― The Aeneid by Virgil

1709 Days Without B III, Day 1150 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 093 ~B And Eye, Virgil~

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I haven’t been talking about the house lately because my head effing hurts. Humiliations Galore running through my brain. Ain’t nothing cooking. That requires money. And my eyes? Eyes and ears waking up to Tevin Campbell? B And Eye, Virgil

Thursday, October 2, 2025

Journey 093 ~B And Eye, Virgil~

1705 Days Without B III, Day 1146 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’ve said it before, and I’ll keep saying it. Why did I open my eyes?

Why was I so late getting up today? Hell, why didn’t I let your little brother, Virgil, sit on my head? In case you haven’t noticed, I wouldn’t have let M Anime do that either.

Honestly, this bitch got me “Smokin Out The Window.” Braxton, your dad’s in a mood. Shouldn’t I be grateful that I can see at all? Uh yeah… 150-Words on Depression.

Therefore, the remaining 250 words must be positive. And for now, I’m positive I’m effed. I got my paycheck for the week. And if it weren’t for that piddly ass Facebook settlement, I’d be cancelling some services. Spotify and the W-Fi are safe. Wrestling? Zombies?

Whatever. The truth is, I miss your eyes because I’ve seen “Fire and Rain.” “I’ve Seen Better Days.” But now?

“I fill my lungs with fear and I Exhale!”
It’s My Turn to Fly The Urge ‧ 2000 (Titan A.E.)

My most pleasant thought has come from “The Magic Glasses: The Ultimate Bundle (Forty Book Bundle)” by Neil Bimbeau. I can imagine that the glasses I wear contain the power to augment reality to whatever extent I see fit. I’d write better books, make more bucks, and can we talk about the bimbos? What man wouldn’t do that, right B?

You’d use those glasses to get away from that bitch Greta. Honestly, Braxton, she wasn’t your cup of tea. A Chihuahua and a Yorkie, if memory serves. Quite a match.

Braxton, I miss seeing your fierceness on our walks, too. You ARE such a brave boy, Braxton. And you can still go with me and V. I have your picture and urn pendant, B III.

But I take you everywhere with me anyway. Every day that I write and have the AI create an image, you and your little brother are always with me. I shared that image of me, Green Lantern/Sinestro image of us flying through space together. Incredible.

Braxton, the things that Artificial Intelligence can do. That’s something I’d like to see. I should start making better pictures of the LIFE I want your little brother and me to have, Braxton. Something that I can see that will have me eager to open my eyes every day, B.

More words, more worth, more women, and to you that meant more comfy spots, ha-ha. I 2 I (Eye to Eye) B And Eye, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 090 ~Idol Braxton, Idle Virgil~

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I wasn’t sitting on my ass when my son was dying. I was working, trying to earn a living. Stimulus package… And now I couldn’t even get out of bed today. Let the beasties have the house if they’re out there. But this temple. Idol Braxton, Idle Virgil

Monday, September 29, 2025

Journey 090 ~Idol Braxton, Idle Virgil~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And it’s not my purpose to make you feel bad. That’s no dog’s purpose. But my purpose these days…

No, it’s not that 150-Word Depression cap. Since we’ve been talking, Dad. I mean, I’ve been talking to you since Monday, November 11, 2024, in Meditation 133 ~A, B, C, Me~

Longer. Since Sunday, January 31, 2021, the day I… Anyway, we’d argue all day.

“I Can Do This All Day”
Captain America/ Steve Rogers

Honestly, that’s something I miss. Afternoons like this one, Wednesday, September 24, 2025. You would wake up from a nap and finally be ready to tell me about the world.

“An old friend has learned the path to immortality.”
Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

You kept me safe. And I, in turn, would sit on my perch at the foot of the bed, protecting you, my father. You placed me higher than anyone. Even before yourself. Before my little brother Virgil. Black and white, Daddy. Free his mind, and his ass will follow you.

“You have to let it all go, Neo. Fear, doubt, and disbelief. Free your mind.”

Just like I do. For 20 years and counting. You just haven’t seen me for four of them, Dad. “Free Your Mind.” And the rest will follow. I know Morpheus from “The Matrix” isn’t exactly “En Vogue” right now. You feel as though you’re living in a dream world, Dad.

Talk about Six Impossible Things that you have been contemplating for a bit, my father.

  1. The Magic Glasses: The Ultimate Bundle (Forty Book Bundle). If only your glasses and all the glow boxes you have could do that. Not my favorite. But your happiness…
  2. Speaking of which, M Anime has gone to live the haremlit fantasy with another.
  3. Seriously, how long has it been since you checked outside for the enemy, Daddy?
  4. Artificial Intelligence. AI. I can say Acetaminophen, too, Dad. You didn’t raise a MAGA Cracker Hat. FDT! But anyway, you can manipulate the universe with the glow box, Dad.
  5. You have been dreaming of other worlds. Of being an overnight success, my father.
  6. Keep creating those worlds, Daddy. Use your words. All that you are—my father.

“The words, those words, those words, those words, they have power. They have more power than you ever imagined.”
Play’d

Because while you feel idle. While you etch the story of my death. Virgil’s FEAR.

Honestly, I want to hear the stories of your life. As I would when you woke up on so many afternoons. When we would eat together. On many a walk we shared before “The Long Walk. I’m not an idol, Virgil’s heart isn’t idle. You’re alive. Idol Braxton, Idle Virgil.

“Within these walls, I was about to be God.”
The Magic Glasses: The Ultimate Bundle (Forty Book Bundle), Neil Bimbeau

“Rejoicing at the things pictured on it without knowing what they were, Aeneas lifted onto his shoulders the fame and fate of his descendants”.
― from The Aeneid by Virgil

1702 Days Without B III, Day 1143 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 086 ~B’s Have It, Virgil~

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What’s harder than being without my boy, waking up to LIFE every morning, and me seeing some AI Yabbos? Trying to be positive. I keep bringing up Ben-Hur “Forty-One” rowing in the galley, my brain, the beat of my heart, my belly. B’s Have It, Virgil.

Thursday, September 25, 2025

Journey 086 ~B’s Have It, Virgil~

1698 Days Without B III, Day 1139 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s only past 5 AM here, and I’ve only cried twice—Ben-Hur, The Long Walk.

Pick your poison, I’m still exhausted. Bad choice of words, huh? The last time something “stung” you, Braxton, you didn’t wake up. And between bugs ‘Picking’ me off ‘People’, and my latest ‘Paycheck’… Why did I wake up again? To complain in 150 words. Less?

As Rick Grimes would say, “Rest in peace. Now get up and go to war.” ‘Battling” guilt, grief, and being gutless. The ‘Bills’ I have to pay. And I’m a man with a boy, Virgil.

“Another Day,” B, with me and your little brother. I can’t pay my existence’s RENT.

Honestly, I haven’t thought of that musical in forever. And isn’t that what I owe you, Braxton? Always and Forever. Forever and always, I’m always here. It “Hurts Like Hell.”

(I take a deep breath) As Spotify would say, that’s Fleurie, Jimi Jamison, Heatwave, and the cast of RENT. Now, how about some Billy Joel “Why Should I Worry?” There’s always a method to the madness, Braxton. There’s also Bob Marley and “Three Little Birds.” Beast with a beat. That’s what you are to me, B. Remember your happier times, like when we would dance and when I would sing to you. Worthy of remembrance.

Buying stuff is one thing, but the time we had my boy. But I promise I will take care of myself, whether that be a few new books… I can earn double Kindle Points today.

Braxton, I’ve been craving a Big Mac forever. But if I do go out today, I could visit that food truck again and pick up another shrimp box, and maybe some hot wings. I’m sure your brother would appreciate that. Feeding my brain and my belly, I’m sure V’s hungry.

Plus, I have a few bucks to spend. But you knew that, of course. And “I’m So Thankful” as Eugene Blacknell sings. My boss, the GM, said I have an ear for music. True enough.

Just like you and me both being boob guys. Like father, like son, human, doggie.

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos.

Hopefully, your brother will be the same way “Someday.” I’ll listen to Sugar Ray while picking up his box of chicken. The best breasts, legs, and thighs come from a bucket/box of chicken. Your best advice. B’s Have It, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 083 ~To B On First~

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I’ve never been first in anything except being in the back of a girl’s car, and me putting on a condom for the first time as a cute brunette hopped on top of me. I always feel like I’m in the way. Baseball sucks, and now the WWE. But “To B On First.”

Monday, September 22, 2025

Journey 083 ~To B On First~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And “I’m ready to play today.” I know we weren’t really sports guys, except for the Olympics and wrestling.

Wrestlepalooza? That’s the most negative thing you’ll hear from me today, Daddy.

Wanting to play “Centerfield,” the John Fogerty song, not the actual position. Seriously.

I wasn’t one for chasing balls around. My little brother Virgil definitely won’t be either. The first athlete in our family. Nope! I wasn’t even the first dog. But I was… I am honored to be your firstborn son. And since you are my father, I hope you don’t mind…

You know the new rule for yourself, not to be so sad about me. About EVERTHING! Wrestlepalooza is one of many worries you have. I’m not here to add another.

Honestly, I’m not one for motivational barks either. “Everything Is Awesome!” No, Dad, but you are awesome. I love you.

I’m not the first one to say that… But you’ve been thinking about first or thirst. Can I say Eww! I’m not knocking your taste, Dad. There was my favorite girl, M Anime, and others.

We’ll get there. But what about the first time you were FREE, that you had no FEAR, and that you truly felt, this is FINE? Your senior year of high school, for a few minutes. Dad, I didn’t know you back then. I wasn’t even born. But you told me. That sitting on the foot of the bed, keeping you safe, was a taste of that. I’m the first LIFE to make you feel safe.

And you did the same. For fifteen years, you were my hero. Nothing has changed.

Ask Virgil? You might not have been the first to give him a home, but you were the first to make him a son, your child. Virgil of the House of Bradford, Braxton Barks Bradford. The Sons of Bradford. Hell! The Sons and Daughters, maybe. You weren’t M Anime’s first time, Eww! But you are the first who will cost her happiness, because I know the man you are, my father, the man you ought to be. Barking, “I think I like this little life.”

Someday, one day, day one, when will be the first day you meet the man I know, my father? I mean, not like that girl, your first time, seeing Tenchi Muyo or softcore porn. Loving yourself. To B On First.

“You really are a good dad.” I shrugged. “Have to be. He doesn’t have a mom.”
Babysitter Harem: Mia; Age Gap MFFF by Kelli Wolfe

“Is the father to be saved by the wounds of the son?”
― The Aeneid

1695 Days Without B III, Day 1136 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Journey 079 ~Misplacing Braxton and Virgil~

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My best moments: Closing the door to the world. Covering myself in bed. Climbing out of my clothes… Um, Eww? Don’t we all? Better being here than being misplaced out there, existing. But my boys deserve freedom. People? Misplacing Braxton and Virgil.

Thursday, September 18, 2025

Journey 079 ~Misplacing Braxton and Virgil~

1691 Days Without B III, Day 1132 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? Am I sure I don’t have to work today? Your grandpa isn’t coming over?

As always, I would rather give GRIEF a seat at my table than FEAR. My table, that’s funny. Does the table I’m not working at even have legs? It remains to be seen, Baby B.

I’m in no hurry to go downstairs. I’m an effing FREE man at “Forty-One” (Cue the Ben-Hur galley drums). But I told your grandpa once all I wanted was a room with a bath, a mini-fridge, a microwave, and a bed. Braxton, I have a whole house! Am I ungrateful?

Goodness, no! What I am doing is thinking—you and your little brother Virgil. Really?

Well, Braxton, I am imagining you lying beside me. Your brother is right here, sleeping.

So what exactly has been misplaced? I woke up. LIFE!

My entire damn existence! Excuse me, B. “Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage.” Bullet with Butterfly Wings. I’m “In My Place,” Braxton—our place for a bit longer.

How long ago was it that Coldplay and a CEO cheating on his wife was the biggest thing B III? Have you seen what MAGA and the Cracker Hats have done? I swear, little Braxton.

But you and I were content in 2020 when everything was on lockdown. Good Times.

Everyone else was singing about “Hard Times,” like they were auditioning for the group Paramore. Speaking of which, the hot Visual Lady at the Day Job said I’m very eclectic.

My music, you know, Braxton. I should stop saying that.

My anything! What the eff belongs to me? Do you remember your grandpa buying you?

I’ll be sounding like a Cracker Hat in a minute because they tend to forget that owning someone’s life is wrong. And like them, they think they have misplaced what’s not theirs, my son. I’m no thief. I did steal your life and your brother’s. And again, your Dad’s what?

I gave my heart to M Anime, so I can’t say that it was misplaced. Now trust and coherent thought. I dropped those somewhere to keep a hold of my… Eww. All for Cherry’s t*ts.

Copeus Cleavage, Titanic Tatas, Supersized Slobberknockers, Majestic Mammaries, Humongous Headlights, Milky Monsters, Behemoth Boobies, Colossal Contours, Gigantic Floppa Whoppers.
Yabbos.

Time misplaced, and I don’t need to go outside for that. I prefer “My Own Prison” and “Like A Stone” alone. Misplacing Braxton and Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Journey 076 ~B FUR And After~

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Four years ago, I knelt to my son Braxton, who loved me. Before August 24th, I imagined a girl going down on me. Most days, I’m trying to keep Virgil’s head above water. And I want to lie down and never rise again. Thinking about B FUR And After

Monday, September 15, 2025

Journey 076 ~B FUR And After~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… The one who watched you while you slept. Creepy. The one in your arms when “The Man Comes Around.”

That’ll be Thursday. But BEFORE that, “Why do you cry?” “We’re all gonna die.” Uh…

Why must I be all creepy this morning? I am my father’s son. From Johnny Cash to Sufjan Stevens, “Fourth Of July,” and the Commodores’ “Easy.” It isn’t Sunday morning.

Seriously, it’s Monday. That means you’re awake. “Dammit!” That’s the thought that crossed your mind first thing. And then came the water works. I know you’re not crying over Neil Bimbeau’s book. Oh yeah, that’s one of those you wouldn’t read out loud to me, Dad. So I’ll ask again, why do you cry? I wish it were all my fur flying in your eyes.

But you’re afraid. And you can’t stay in our room forever. Me protecting you, Dad.

“If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.”
― Obi-Wan Kenobi, Star Wars

The things we forget. “He Lives In You.” No, not grandpa. While talking, Star Wars:

“I am a Jedi, like my father before me.”
Luke

Yes, we were a SITH household, only isn’t this what we did before battles, Daddy?

Honestly, we would listen to the words of the warriors, writers, and winners. Because that is what you are to me, Dad. Even if you don’t believe it about yourself, yes, I heard you on Sunday while you were writing. And these past few days, you’ve been “touring” the house, this ship like the Enterprise, as if it’s going down. Well, it’s not the Titanic.

“It’s something of a tradition, Guinan. A Captain touring the ship before a battle.”
“Oh, before a hopeless battle, if I remember the tradition correctly.”
“Not necessarily. Nelson toured the HMS Victory before Trafalgar.”
“Yes, but Nelson never returned from Trafalgar, did he?”
“No, but the battle was won.”
Captain Picard and Guinan, Star Trek

We’re amongst the stars, Daddy. And you fear that you’ll never reach me. And I fear you’ll arrive before I’m ready. I left before you were ready—humans and timing.

“Just go on dancing with me like this forever, and I’ll never tire. We’ll scrape our shoes on the stars and hang upside down from the moon.”
The Long Walk

Yes, Sunday has come and gone. I know how you feel about Sundays. “Bloody Sunday.”

“And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me, that you also may be where I am.”
Bible

And not just because of The Walking Dead: Daryl Dixon. I kept you company, Dad.

Sunday, January 31, 2021, I stayed with you as long as I could. Comforting, seriously.

Daddy, I still don’t know what to say about M Anime. It’s been three weeks without her already. Would it sound any better to say that you were crying over her? “Stephani’s Sunday Symphony” has been blaring ever since you rose this morning. And Virgil?

Daddy, my baby brother needs you. Not just this morning. And yes, even after Thursday.
So be brave, Daddy. You were before. And be there for me, Virgil, yourself, and SOMEONE. B FUR And After.

“And only Lord knows when I’m coming to the crossroads.
So I don’t fear sh*t but tomorrow.”
Sucker For Pain

“Hold out, and save yourselves for kinder days.”
The Aeneid

1688 Days Without B III, Day 1129 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son