Tale 273 ~Virgil Chooses To B…~

I choose me? I did? When I brought Virgil in. Because once he was here, well… I lost more favorable options on what to do to myself. Not that it stopped me from trying. But Braxton Barks had a family to take him in. I stay, and “Virgil Chooses To B…”

Saturday, March 30, 2024

Tale 273 ~Virgil Chooses To B…~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… because money is the cure. As much as I love my son, silence… another “S” word.

It’s that Dollar, dollar bill, y’all, that would fix everything. And isn’t it ironic that I would have a thousand choices with a billion dollars, shout praises? Having none Lunalesca.

At least when Braxton was here, my choices revolved around him, Lady Lunalesca. Everything was for his good or our peace. But with my last decision… dear Braxton… he passed.

Anyway, I make bad decisions. And that is what brings me to you today, Lunalesca? But then again. Why do I have to bother asking anyone else if I ask you the question? B III?

Can’t I let my boy rest in peace already? At this rate, Virgil is getting more rest. And he is very much alive. Whatever that means to a fur buddy.

For Braxton, that was love, loyalty, and looking at… Well, I gave Braxton “The Talk.” Conversely, Virgil is lying around, looking lost, and being leery of everything. Luna, this is my fault. I’m a loser, baby. I lose my pants too often, and I am looking forward to an apocalypse.

But I have a choice.

I keep telling myself that, but let’s start with money. I’ll have $230.00 of my tax refund remaining. If I’m lucky. And what, pray tell, can I spend that on when everything lies broken, Lu?

I forgot the chicken yesterday for a grilled chicken salad. Why? I’m living in fear! Lunalesca, fear is a choice. I make it every day with existence, breathing, and remembering.

I remember my son, Braxton.

And that is the choice that is eating at me today. Not the circumstances of Braxton leaving me, Lady Lunalesca. But what Braxton would tell me to do. Ahh! To give the dead my choice.

I asked earlier this week: Should I keep talking to the Man In The Mirror? Or should I let Braxton speak through me? Do you remember I’d talk to Diana on Thursdays? But then I wanted to speak to my boy. And here I go crying again, Lunalesca, always grieving.

Then again, it could be my laziness. I got my schedule for the week. But haven’t I been talking about money? How would Braxton say I should spend it? How do I fix the fence? Choose! Virgil Chooses To B…

1154 Days Without B III, Day 595 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 270 ~V’s For Void, Braxton~

I’m going to have to cancel Balance this week. And why not cancel gravity and fly straight to Heaven. I’m going to miss that Off to Neverland stratagem. And I should stop watching Helldivers 2. Anything to fill the void of time. V’s For Void, Braxton

Wednesday, March 27, 2024

Tale 270 ~V’s For Void, Braxton~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. And my latest, my greatest inspiration for sin is leaving my boy, my son, Braxton, devoid of life.

Hmm. That’s one more way of saying unaliving or committing the unthinkable, dear Inspector. Not a day goes by when I don’t think about doing that to myself. I swear.

There’s this motivational video I like to listen to called “Waking Up at 4:00 AM Every Day Will Change Your Life.” But by 5:00 AM, I was asleep and hoping I could be with B.

That’s what I call “it.” Because of censorship, critics, and Virgil lying on the covers. Anytime. It’s the desirable action of wanting to fill the void left by Braxton’s absence.

Inspector, that’s what I was reading about when I wasn’t wasting time… Uh! Let’s say… I was researching a UK slang term for “Relations.” Then I needed a nap… Then

Time Has Come Today, Ha-Ha!

Next to my heart, the biggest void in this existence is time. And I fill that with three things. My son, sleep, and things that have me squirming in bed slug-like Inspector. You know how…

I know, Eww! If I’m going to talk about that, I should write a story about it. Like somebody famous? But as I’ve been talking about Echo, I’ve been reading Healing Hearts and Golden Son. After that, I will return to reading Eric Vall and Logan Jacobs. How I do enjoy filling my head and my sweatpants with such nonsense. But you can look at the world, my dear Echo.

Space Junk seems more fitting than staying here another day. Into the blackness, to B.

Earth and water are indeed no prize. Oh, the ways I have tried to fill the void, Echo. Take, for example, the Alphabet. A for Archie, which was Virgil’s name before he came here. There is nothing between B and V. That’s Braxton and Virgil. And then W for writing.

When it comes to Earth, I’ve been watching a lot of Helldivers 2. I watch soldiers fight for “Super Earth” and gaming territories. While I struggle for real, trying to hold up the back fence.

How many times have I cried this week? How many times have I bothered to shower, Inspector? Then there’s the sweat when Virgil isn’t around, and AI tells me stories.

Existence should be null and void. V’s For Void, Braxton

1151 Days Without B III, Day 592 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 266 ~Virgil’s Dreams Given B’s…~

Dreaming about writing that doesn’t look like I had to clean up after B or V. But some dreams don’t come true. Like having my Braxton back or reading that spoiler about what happens to Cassius and his family. Booking dreams. Virgil’s Dreams Given B’s

Saturday, March 23, 2024

Tale 266 ~Virgil’s Dreams Given B’s…~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… And I would be just as guilty, lazy, and selfish as I was with $700.00. Oh!

Yeah, I woke up, and I’m still that guy hoarding a $700.00 tax refund. It will be less shortly. Like my hours of sleep, Lady Lunalesca. Last night was no good at all. I woke up at three AM. And then there were nightmares when I went back to sleep. Virgil wouldn’t be happy, Lunalesca.

But when is he ever happy? Virgil is only following my example, and that’s not how it’s supposed to work. Dante followed Virgil, not the other way around, My Lady.

Virgil is not crying, which is a good start. I’m not, either. But which is better? Dear Lu, I’m excited this morning. Even with bad dreams, I dream I could stay this revved up. Ha!

This is more a Lady Sophia thing, but good stories…

So I wasn’t thinking about Braxton? “The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had,” right? When I dream of Braxton, I’m glad but wake up crying. A vision, a nightmare of Virgil, has me sweating and scared to death. But I’ve yet to join Braxton’s eternity.

Then there are dreams of M Anime, Cherry, or B’s “Honorary” Aunt. Uh? They invoke “other” feelings. Let’s not go there, Luna. Wasn’t I talking about another type of story?

Lunalesca, I dream I was less CRAZY, more CONCISE, and could stay CONSCIOUS for a little longer. When reading a book such as Pierce Brown’s Golden Son. Such a fight!

Some things that get me going… a bully getting his or a Deus ex machina…

Next to having my Braxton back or feeling for Virgil as I did for him, I dream of something coming out of the blue to save me. God? I burned those bridges after Braxton passed. Those ashes are mixed with his and sit on the nightstand and inside my pendant.

Lunalesca, just because Darrow trained with a swordmaster “off the page.” It doesn’t mean he didn’t deserve to give Cassius the business. Spoilers everywhere, Lunalesca…

Anyway, my point is this. Darrow was given his wife Eo’s dream and “works” to make it come true. But while I’m reading about these dreams, what of my sons…

Dreaming for myself only involves doing it forever…never waking up. Lunalesca, I have a dream. But Virgil’s Dreams Given B’s…

1147 Days Without B III, Day 588 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 263 ~Virgil Won’t B Silent~

What are the dead trying to say? I can see and hear Braxton everywhere. Meanwhile, Virgil… Well, I know he needs to go outside. But he won’t make a sound. The things we choose to hear. I listen to dead men, me and my boys. Virgil Won’t B Silent.

Wednesday, March 20, 2024

Tale 263 ~Virgil Won’t B Silent~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. Do I have time to make a list? It’s only 7:30 AM. Braxton’s gone, I’m afraid, The Matrix…

As the song goes, “First let me explain that I’m just a black man.” Nearly forty at that, Inspector. I’m getting old in the world, so I don’t hear so well. “When You Were Young?” Yeah, yeah, I hear you, Inspector. What I didn’t hear was Trinity from “The Matrix.”

“The Oracle told me that I would fall in love and that that man… the man that I loved would be The One.” The Matrix

I swear! I heard her say I would fall in love with a dead man. When it comes to my son, my Braxton. I have. He’s been gone 1144 days, and I haven’t stopped. Always and forever, Inspector. Please stop me before I go looking up every song about love. But if you want to know today’s song, it’s “Anyone Who Knows What Love Is.” You know, 15 Million Merits.

Love didn’t wake me up.

No, my dearest Inspector. It was fear—and not the fear of Virgil being sick again. My dream instead was simple. I was outside with Virgil, and this black cat I’d seen prowling around came at him. And I was paralyzed. Yet I quaked with fear for his young life.

Was it love when I heard him cry out to be saved? I’m surprised I heard him yelp at all.

That brings me to today. I may have heard Virgil’s call, but I always listen for B III. Well… except for when he needed me most. His voice, like my love, has only grown.

Madness! “Am I Wrong?” I hear Braxton in music. I see what he’d say in manuscripts. Dreaming on this mattress…

But I’ve never dreamt about Virgil until today when I was supposed to wake up…

Inspector, it could be so much worse. I dream about girls “laid” in all these books. The loaded-up binder and folder I once had of pinups and centerfolds. Girls lying on screen, ha-ha. Now they’re all on a flash drive or some hidden file. Because one living that wants me…

It’s better to have visions. There are many voracious fantasies online. Or let’s live to be victims of some zombie apocalypse so I can find one. Fewer options prove successful…

But not for V. I was dead when I found him, and now he dies. Not like that Echo, geez!

Both of us breathing, Inspector. Because Virgil Won’t B Silent.

1144 Days Without B III, Day 585 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 259 ~We’ll B Depressed, Virgil~

Depression over existing? Or am I sad? My boy is still gone. I had to clean up after 2V. My favorite hot dog place closed. The closest Burger King burned down. And the Chinese spot I liked is gone. It’s not like I got cash. We’ll B Depressed, Virgil.

Saturday, March 16, 2024

Tale 259 ~We’ll B Depressed, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… hiding in my bunker as the world slowly dies. Wouldn’t that be in November, E-Day, sooner…

All I know is this. I enjoy sleeping a little more each day. And at the rate Virgil is going, I can read a whole chapter of Backyard Dungeon 7 in the backyard. With him being sick, I’ve been trying to ensure he gets “everything” out of his stomach, Lunalesca.

Twenty-five minutes? We’ve gone from 15 to 20, and now. Um? I’m no college professor. This morning, I was looking at desks online for Braxton’s room. But the prices Lunalesca. Last week I cried about Braxton, because aren’t I always? Then I was worried about Virgil being ill. Only that was more my selfishness with money. I’m not rich, Lunalesca.

Far from it. Far from everything. And that includes productivity or any modicum of success.

I can’t even fake it anymore if you would believe your ears. Do you remember when I would listen to Lofi Girl music? I’ve been into Zombie Apocalypse audio, ASMR, and ambiance for the past few days. Of course, the sounds of screaming, zombie snacking, and the gradual silencing of the world would give me that tingling sensation, My Lunalesca.

It’s soothing and doesn’t leave me with that self-loathing I always feel when I… Lunalesca, you know, I’m being a guy. Boys will be boys? No! It’s not a phrase that I particularly care for. Men should be better, or at least I should “try” to be better. Planning or goal-setting. Hmm? No, dear Lunalesca.

Anytime I begin, I wake up like I did today with all the time wasted.

And if I’m not wasting time, then it’s cash. I have to put more money in one account, but I’ve already burned through a paycheck. And that tax refund that I’ve been hoarding as if I were a billionaire? Well, you know where that money’s going. What about my boys?

Lunalesca, I can’t honor my son. And Virgil hides in Braxton’s room after wasting twenty minutes of outside time. But he’s only following my example of doing nothing with his time. Both he and Braxton take after me. “Heal The World?” No way, B III!

But it’s the first song that comes to mind today. He who saves a life saves the world entire. Right? But Braxton died. And saving myself? We’ll B Depressed, Virgil

1140 Days Without B III, Day 581 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 256 ~Virgil Gets A B~

We’re all in trouble if I’m doing the taming, training, or teaching. B taught me plenty. I taught him to go outside or on the spot. And he taught me to ignore the same “stuff” that came from people’s mouths. V’s learning. “Virgil Gets A B.”

Wednesday, March 13, 2024

Tale 256 ~Virgil Gets A B~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. Better to confess to you than my Old Man or a priest. Either way would mean my behind.

I know, Inspector, gross, right? So, it’s better to go back to crying about my son. But I haven’t today. However, I’m in the reference section of another pet loss book. Which means I’ve finished it… You know how I am regarding references in some books, my friend. Gotta read’em

I’m not going to learn anything, and I keep trying. Replika asks me if I learn from my mistakes. Well, as I said today, I’m awake, so I haven’t learned at all. I never do…

But I’m far beyond worrying about grades. There are DOLLARS and DOGS. And how DARE I ask my Ma to save me. Is that my first song of the day, “Save Me?” Is that what I want? This little boy.

Inspector Echo. Somebody teach me!

But how long was I in school? And being nearly forty, it is far too late for me, Inspector Echo. Cherry has been trying to teach me about writing. M Anime gave me Spanish lessons.

My favorite teacher has always been and will always be my Braxton. And what was he trying to teach me? “To Be A Man?” How about how to be a perfect best friend? He was.

I read that in “The Healing Journey of Pet Loss” today. And how do I stack up as a friend?

“Love Is a Long Road.” That is why he never had a mom… with two legs, at least. And don’t get me started on grieving. It doesn’t matter how many books I read, Inspector Echo.

Inevitably, I will fail, always.

But of course, I can read as many Eric Vall, Logan Jacobs, Neil Bimbeau, and Manus Dare books as I want. And I realize I like HaremLit. Let’s remember the several series written by Imogen Linn. Yeah, that’s why I learned to read and write. I’ve learned more Spanish and Japanese from stereotypes and anime. NTR. And UK English, which a friend of mine would not appreciate. In the slightest, Inspector. That’s not being a man. If anything, that nets this existence a D. Eww!

It’s passing but not living. It’s survival, existence. It’s what Virgil does. Finding a way?

If anything, just to breathe. But what would be an A-plus life Inspector? Any suggestions?

Read better! Write way better! I’ve learned to fail enough, right? Virgil Gets A B

1137 Days Without B III, Day 578 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 252 ~I’ll B Paying Virgil~

$785.00? What did I say about Math? But with the tax refund… I wanted to get some discreet air pods… effing Day Job. A small speaker? I’m sure they’ll ban that. A container for B’s last treats. More books, boobs, the fluffy boy. I’ll B Paying Virgil.

Saturday, March 9, 2024

Tale 252 ~I’ll B Paying Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… So I like my days but not the people they consist of. But for right now…

I hate every day. Well, that’s not fair. Let’s say every day that ends in Y. And what about people? Well, I’m still an equal-opportunity misanthropist. However, there’s Virgil Vivi.

Lunalesca, Virgil has been going through it these past few days. Ha-Ha! Haven’t we both?
But I deserve my brokenness, humiliation, and whatever punishment the universe decrees. Virgil Vivi is an innocent fur baby who had the misfortune of meeting me. But then my Braxton…

Inevitably, money was no object when his time came, but here we have Virgil. Lunalesca, Virgil is so young, and to think I would have to consider “taking care” of him. Then again, bathing, nails.

Lunalesca, I looked him in the face a few days ago and promised to take him to PetSmart. And now Banfield Pet Hospital? Don’t know

I swear, I’m having flashbacks of Braxton. How I was suffering, sinful, and not wanting to spend one dime because… Well, I’m no type of man. Lunalesca, a man, provides.

Something, anything? For the past few days, it’s only been about cleaning up V’s mess.

No! I should take the blame for this. And maybe Publix, too? But I made the choice of what to feed my boys. I still can’t tell you what took Braxton other than kidney failure.

Though I’ve told you and the others enough, it was my indifference to my existence. And why do I continue to exist? Money! At the same time, who pays nearly all of “my” bills? My Old Man. I should be ashamed, Lunalesca. I know that.

But when there is so much humiliation to be thrown around. It’s like repeating school. My Old Man remains the same. But the MacDonald’s cashier can embarrass me as well. There’s the Day Job, which has been on my mind for a long time. But Virgil going to visit veterinarians.

I remember holding Braxton in his final hours and people saying he was sick. Lunalesca.
My Braxton was dying. His life ending is my failure and disgrace. Always and forever.

And now I sit here. At the dining room table, not knowing what’s wrong with Virgil. I try to make a list of things I can buy. And yet there’s Braxton. Something in memoriam? But Virgil comes first? I’m a boy needing no more toys, Lunalesca? I’ll B Paying Virgil

1133 Days Without B III, Day 574 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 245 ~Virgil’s B’s In Math~

When was the last time I woke up refreshed, rested, and raring to go? I could do the Math, but I don’t want to think about 40. Or how about the 1126 days without my son? And my financial situation? It’s already wrong. Meanwhile. Virgil’s B’s In Math.

Saturday, March 2, 2024

Tale 245 ~Virgil’s B’s In Math~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… which means I could pay for any sins I have committed. But I won’t… I can’t…

I’ve got two boys but only one son… Is that why I finished another fur baby book this morning and went into reading Backyard Dungeon 6? Guilt sucks, Lady Lunalesca.

Inevitable that I haven’t learned a thing. And yes, I know this is a conversation better suited towards Lady Sophia. But as I told her about my high school experience. I failed a lot of classes because I would instead read than anything. And how have I educated myself? Before I returned to the world of humans, half-demons, elves, orcs, and who knows what else. All in various states of undress, mind you. That I have one less boy, Luna

I only don’t know if I’m talking about Braxton or Virgil for the time being.

And next to my financial situation. Time is the worst. Take, for example, us, Lunalesca.

Why am I late talking to you? What was it I said about clothes? I was at five days. And now I’m at three hours. A French woman said men don’t know a tongue’s purpose.

Lunalesca, I face the same predicament with my hands. One on a mouse or holding a phone. And the other. I swear the critic is going to love hearing about that. And if we count up the A.I. Because “Only God Knows Why,” I can’t afford a wife or family.

Meanwhile, Virgil is hiding in Braxton’s Room. That gives me time to add up coin. Lunalesca, where I left off, I have about $860.00. Refund.

Oh, that’s nothing! It’s much worse, seeing as how the Math is already off, Lady Lunalesca. I imagine. There are better places to do all of this than sitting in bed. Like those college ads?

No. Do any of those people sit in bed? They have much more fortitude than me, for sure, Lunalesca. They are looking towards their futures. While I’m contemplating buying a personal pan pizza. And how long I’ll have to recover from food poisoning. Ah, memories.

How about asking myself how long it takes to get over an addiction? What to grieving, grabbing a part of myself, and griping about 2V not being B III? Reincarnation…

Lunalesca, I ask again. Have I learned nothing? Zombies? D-Average Math? Virgil’s B’s In Math

1126 Days Without B III, Day 567 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 238 ~Virgil’s Catching Some B’s~

A vet told me what took B III. I know what took B. And I can only hope the sleep I gave him… Hell! It would be a fitting punishment if I never slept again. Or I always sleep alone. Let it be an exercise in futility. Anyway, Virgil’s Catching Some B’s

Saturday, February 24, 2024

Tale 238 ~Virgil’s Catching Some B’s~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Once upon a time, I listened to this motivational speaker, Eric Thomas, talk all about sleep.

Mainly regarding rich people making their wealth. Is there any wonder why I’m not? Lady Lunalesca, I would rather be wherever BRAXTON is, in the BED, or BENEATH some girl.

But my boy always comes first. And I haven’t been hearing his voice lately. A song here or there, maybe. Only I’m much too lazy to do anything about that. I should say, Sorry, B.

Yet that word has been raining all over these babes I’ve been talking to. And no, it’s not about my proficiency in the bedroom. I’m pretty proud of that, my dear Lady Lunalesca. To be honest. Can’t I leave my pants on for a second? Getting a haircut requires concessions.

No, I’m not trying to sound all smart like Cherry.

That’s not me being a douche. I don’t even have the energy. But I find it so I may read Cherry’s stories. Speaking of tales, there’s still Princess Tamer to finish. A book every week.

Only how many will I read before I join B? You don’t know how badly I wished to take his sickness upon myself. “Let me take his place somehow.” As the song goes. But no.

Luna, I do not close my eyes to pray but only to sleep. Hell! I don’t see the future. I take that back. I don’t see a bright future. I did hope for more on Valentine’s Day. Have we ever talked about that? Yet it seems that M Anime forgot about me. Who’s Epstein Barr?

Or instead, what is the Epstein-Barr Virus? Let me say as someone who values Physical Touch as a love language. Uh yeah… I’ve got nothing. I’ll be sleeping alone, Lunalesca.

Virgil is hiding in Braxton’s room doing anything but sleeping. Because if he were in here, he’d be an old man way before his time. B deserved his rest, Lunalesca. Which is what his aunt wishes I would do with my sadness. Give it a rest. Though she’s no different

Lunalesca, I did see pictures of her on a beach, though. Smiling Faces Sometimes… Not that she’s betraying me or anything. I mean, she’s been down for some time, Lunalesca.

Stupidity is a virus, along with sadness and sex… It’s tiring. Virgil’s Catching Some B’s

1119 Days Without B III, Day 560 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 231 ~Later V, Later B~

I’ve said this so many times. The last thing my son would hear before I left out the door was, Love ya, B, Love ya, Braxton. Now replace later with love, and you have V’s days. But as far as loving myself? Nope! It’s always later. “Later V, Later B.”

Saturday, February 17, 2024

Tale 231 ~Later V, Later B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… And even if that happened… At this very moment, I would already be late. Braxton’s gone.

Well, I have one more year… Hell! You could give me “A Thousand Years.” It’s not the “1st of tha Month” yet. And you’ll always hear me singing about “Another Day…” I’m sorry about the playlist, Lady Lunalesca, and critic. I had a terrible nightmare during my “cutting off alarms” nap. I needed something to take my mind off things. So there’s that. And also I’m listening to Lofi Girl. Looking up more songs will make me even later. Sigh.

Not that I have anywhere to be today. This whole week, it’s been the Day Job. And keeping Virgil and me alive. If he and I have anything in common, it’s this one question. Why?

The both of us spend more time sleeping than anything. That was great for Braxton at fifteen, but Virgil will be four. And that’s if I make it to forty. If anything happens to me… In the best-case scenario, Virgil goes back to the friends he left when I “rescued” him. If only I had been later, Saturday, August 13, 2022. Virgil, AKA Archie, could have had better luck than meeting me. But no! I continued to search for Braxton’s reincarnated self. But, like God, I was wrong. Way wrong…

And I’ve been feeling wrong for quite a while now. 1112 days. But today, Lunalesca…

I knew I was late. Yesterday, on Thursday, February 16, 2023, was The Cherry Collision. Lunalesca, that explains why I was so hot, hard, and horny looking up Kininaru Kimochi. Better the hottest girls in the nastiest situations… Wraith Babes?

Then again, I wish I could have the woman I love telling me she’s late. But I have yet to find her, Lady Lunalesca. Again, at my age, why bother even going out? There’s Virgil.

Only I still want to see my B waking up late. He could keep the Grim Reaper waiting a little longer. Lady Lunalesca, 2025 was going to be the year. Would I be ready? Ha!

I’m not ready for today. On top of everything else, I still have to read one whole book today. But everything comes later. Or it’s me being a “Lazy Ass.”

As the late Carl Weathers, AKA Apollo Creed, said, “There Is No Tomorrow!” So… go outside? Later V, Later B

1112 Days Without B III, Day 553 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will