Tag: Virgil

Saga 046 ~To B Single V~

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This time last week, I never imagined I’d be in this position… In love? I can’t say that. Nor can I say I like the hacking every time I pick Virgil up. And I don’t know where we’re going to land since it’s only been three days. But, To B Single V, um

Tuesday, August 16, 2022

Saga 046 ~To B Single V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now… well, depending on what state we’re living in. Then throw in kids, life? I’m not broke.

But no matter what I do, why do I still feel that way? It’s like having the old Day Job. Insult? Um yeah, so I apologize. That place was only eleven years of sheer Hell and is nothing like fatherhood. Yet both are still scary as fuck… pardon my French. One I chose, and the other filled me with regret. And how did I feel the day after? One, two, and we’re going on three. One, I check to make sure he’s still breathing. And the other, (sigh). When THEY talk about love, THEY say your heart stops, your knees get weak, and you must catch your breath. Falling in love? But my former Day Job versus what I do now. Do I miss it?

Being single, I mean? To be alone. Right now, I’ll tell you what I miss. Sleep! It’s been a while since I’ve listened to my motivations. But I recall what Eric Thomas said, um yeah. Some of you love sleep more than you love success. Sleep, success… never forgetting sex. Because I love you. And I would never give you up to be single again. No, nope, never, oh no. So I leaped at the Day Job. That was what I was supposed to do. Men love their families. And now, I have this furry little one I have let into the house because I like him? Is that it? Only three days ago, my heart, the Hell I’ve been through? What is happening, love?

How I’ve been afraid for the past 562 days that hardening my heart would result in me being single again. I lost my boy. I lost Braxton. Did you think I would go a day without saying his name? Never forget! You can see how tired I am carrying Virgil. Hell! How long did I carry Braxton? That’s what I was thinking last night as I carried Virgil downstairs. I am a man, my love. I had to be strong enough to carry myself out of this bed and to the Day Job for long. Growing stronger to carry you over the threshold. You carried lives into this world, love. I love you, and I would not trade a single second. Yet Virgil makes me wonder. To B Single V.

562 Days Without B III, Day 003 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 045 ~To Win Someone Must Fail~

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Then I must lose have you not been watching. But of course, everyone loves a winner. And here I am in the “middle” of life, mourning the furry kid I had in my twenties. And now there’s the new guy. Is he winning or losing? “To Win Someone Must Fail.”

Monday, August 15, 2022

Saga 045 ~To Win Someone Must Fail~

Two-Hundred and Fifty-Third Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now, but who might I have left broken-hearted? What little boy or some little girl? And my brain?

If anything, what about Braxton? I wonder how B feels about this. Even now, I keep hoping he is B reincarnated, and I make up reasons, one after the other, Madam to believe. “Such mad hope, but there it is,” as they in 300. Do I see more of Braxton in him or on him, “My” little Virgil? It’s only day 002 but do I feel like a winner? Virgil from a loving home? Because I feel sick now. I’m barely able to eat. I mean eight shrimp and a bag of gummy bears. I’m ready to spill my guts as we speak. I don’t feel good. Stomach flip-flops. Heartbroken once again, or was it my brain that made this decision? The winner, the loser…

I can’t imagine that Virgil is feeling like much of a winner. Madam, I said it’s only day 002. But he hacks up a storm whenever I pick him up and place him somewhere. He stops after a few minutes, but it’s scary. I’d know what to do if it were Braxton, but Virgil? Hell! He is what I get for my failure with B III. I don’t mean to sound harsh, but afraid. We’re both failures in our own right. Or should I say someone failed him, and now what am I supposed to do? I was sitting in the car Saturday thinking, myself a failure, and then I was sitting there with Virgil. I’m sitting in bed thinking about who I was Friday…

“You want to see a man? That’s a man.” I was winning, which is sad considering how I felt then. At least it was only me suffering, Somehow dragging Virgil into this. That’s no good. Well, the Rebeccas feel like winners. They found a dog a home. Do Virgil or I think that at this moment, Madam? If anything, we’re both scared out of our minds, and that’s no good. I’m sure my eyes are enjoying the waterworks. I haven’t cried this much since Braxton. PetSmart will be making some money too. My whole existence has been that of failure for others to win. And should I fail Virgil, what would that make me? No different than any other day. To Win, Someone Must Fail

561 Days Without B III, Day 002 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 044 ~You’ll B My Virgil~

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I’ve cried a bit and wanted to vomit. Virgil’s cried once and has hacked anytime I’ve touched him. We didn’t eat dinner, and both of us got fences up. Well, one is blocking the stairs. He’s yet to approach mine. How’d Dante do it? You’ll B My Virgil.

Sunday, August 14, 2022

Saga 044 ~You’ll B My Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, and you? Well, what are you, not exactly a father or a friend? Fuck-up? A dog owner?

Now let’s be clear, considering this is something I did yesterday. So yeah, this is my fault. And you’re living with the consequences of my actions. Literally! A dog is living in the next room, scared to death. You’re in the same state. I owe you a huge apology even after I said this yesterday:

“Dogs aren’t things… One of them could be my best friend, a reason, a second born. I doubt I’ll find them today, Lady Lunalesca, but there’s always a chance. Except that I have no money. I haven’t been this scared in a long time.” Saga 043 ~Go Big Or B~

Here I go spending $150 on a Chihuahua mix. Sweet Buttery Jesus, what have I done? Not Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing Until we Meet Again
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE Finishing Gulp Off To Be Published
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 017 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 024 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I read these things every single week, as you will and what happens? Nothing! Now I want to go all Jennifer Lawrence, a.k.a. Tiffany Maxwell screaming, “but if it’s me reading the signs!” That’s what I did in my head at PetSmart yesterday while texting Braxton’s Aunt. First, there were the colors. I had a thought that said Braxton couldn’t make this more black and white for me. And Virgil has flecks of brown around his face that got to me, ha. Now I’m no numerology expert but let’s do the math. Virgil is one year and six months. That’s 545 days, give or take. B III died on January 31, 2021, 13 days from his 16th birthday. Meaning Virgil’s Birthday… Monday, February 15, 2021. Oh, and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE Finishing, Still To Be Determined
  2. I WILL BE Finishing Gathering, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE Finishing Gulp Off To Be Published
  4. I WILL BE Keeping It In My Pants (Day 024 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Speaking of the impossible. You haven’t had Virgil a full 24. You’re still trying to convince yourself. Ok, reincarnation, 15 days. Braxton was 15 years old. Is this a coincidence? Braxton had a heart murmur; Virgil’s been treated for having heartworms. Braxton wasn’t eating or drinking at the end; I have not seen Virgil eat or drink anything since he arrived. He’s been quiet, laying on Braxton’s pillow. Note; he’s going to need a bed and a collar. I couldn’t get his harness back on, and the collar they gave was too small. Taking him outside, I used B’s oldest one. Fit like a glove, but sacrilege, if anything. And you just want to cry and possibly vomit. But he’s here. You’ll B My Virgil.

560 Days Without B III, Day 001 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Chronicle 222 ~To Buy A Name~

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If you think dating sites are complex, go to PetSmart on a Saturday. Deal with the Karens there. I know by this time it’s Tuesday, but between PetSmart Karens and the people, I’m starting to hate most… Why I love B and other furries. “To Buy A Name.”

Tuesday, February 8, 2022

Chronicle 222 ~To Buy A Name~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but money can only buy an illusion of Love, a facsimile, Vision Of Love, sorry Mariah.

As in Mariah Carey Baby Doll, Baby Girl. That’s not my name, that’s not my name, as the song goes. But Baby, baby, baby, oh. You’ll have to forgive me. I’ve been remembering the old Day Job on days like today. Oh, how they could Fuck Off, yeah. So Airpods? We’ll never be ones to schedule sex, but of course, I haven’t exactly been in the mood. Of course, I’m still mourning my Lost Boy. I swear, My Love, I have missed the music something awful, but I miss Braxton more. I need the noise, and I’m still thinking about PetSmart Saturday. Should I go? I’ve made women scream for all manner of things. I like yours the best “dirty words” ha. But buying fluffy…

Leaving the brothel out of it. I’m one for… ok if we’re not singing a song it’s sex um ok. Starting over, ahem, getting a new dog. To this day, 373, to be specific, I’m not sure I want one. I’ve held maybe 3 in, let’s say, 53 weeks. Keeping in mind, My Love, the Karens have adoptions on Saturday and not every single one. Out of those 3, oh, I liked 1, um, Chase. Braxton is 1 of a kind; my boy is priceless to me. Trust, once upon a time, Love of money. You, My Love. All the Songs playing money can’t buy me Love or happiness. True. Children that we have, Love. My point is there’s no price. Oh, Love is not a prize but a gift.

To think I was done with this after I asked for your hand. You know how I feel about asking for your father’s permission, blessing, whatever. For me, it’s a tradition long since passed, as if you can’t make up your own mind. But for you? Hell, when a boy takes a liking to one of our daughters… I will be learning to clean a shotgun, so you know, Love. It’s only, I’ve been looking for a moment that I had with Chase. And today is Saturday, and you know why we’re talking now. I don’t even know if I want to deal with those Karens today. The name Virgil keeps echoing in my mind. But To Buy A Name.

373 Days Without B III

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will