Tag: Hear

Meditation 330 ~There’ll B Bodies, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I got so freaking sad. Walmart tends to do that before MAGA’s tariffs. As always, FDT! And I won’t get paid this week. Virgil has a vet visit, and I have a girl looking to be with me. I’m trying to ‘save’ myself… There’ll B Bodies, Virgil

Tuesday, May 27, 2025

Meditation 330 ~There’ll B Bodies, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I’m not Jigsaw. Did I mean that to be funny? Like Stephen King, Eli Roth…

Oh yes, there will be blood. Only in movies and books. And why am I in such a creepy mood today? Monday, May 26, 2025. The past few weeks haven’t been so kind. I know.

But I could be crying over Braxton as I did this morning. There was the sweat from my “Anxiety” setting up Virgil’s next vet appointment. I must be as ‘annoying’ as Doechii’s song worrying about my first and second born. And can I mention I see myself sitting on that hard bench in Banfield back on Sunday, January 31, 2021, hearing my son was dying?

He wasn’t the first life I saw end, but the first I ended with my own hand. The stroke of a pen, whatever. A body.

And he was lucky. Braxton only had to die once… Twice, if I ever truly let him go. I don’t know if I ever can. But that’s the man you married. One who has died so many times up to this point in our lives. Our lives? But the day my B left is the one I dare to remember.

“On the day I was born.” What, was I “Bad to the Bone?” The day my father beat my ass for lying about my homework. I wrote down the problems but without any answers. Hell! I still feel a certain kind of way about drinking a bottle of IBC Root Beer. He smacked the bottle out of my hand before… Anyway, how many other lives.

“There I lay, wearing dead people as armor against death.”
― Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle

Again I’m being pretty effing creepy. But I slay, vanquish, delete, and unalive myself so many times in so many different ways. And no, not because of Braxton. Or that I feel I’m failing Virgil. What about taking care of you and our children? Baby Doll, Love? A Man Provides.

And ‘God forbid’ I use the dreaded K-word. Unless we’re talking about the film Pontypool, then “K*ll is kiss!” And I can’t start singing Teen Idle Feeling super, super (super!)… well, you know the rest. I surround myself with the living to keep back death.

I lie in bed with you. I pay Virgil’s bill. I tuck in our children. I read and write. Burying bodies in fiction without graves. But There’ll B Bodies, Virgil

“Be the body, not the shadow; hold space.”
From ― Amina, The Book of Clarence

1577 Days Without B III, Day 1018 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 329 ~The Beginning Will B~

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I met Braxton in (Grandpa’s) Hands. I got Virgil from behind bars. 2V’s, not mine. B’s Favorite Girl, Cherry, and M Anime? I began with them after writing this or that. But when will I start to “know thyself?” I don’t know, but “The Beginning Will B”

Monday, May 26, 2025

Meditation 329 ~The Beginning Will B~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Like father, like son. Do you know how long it took me to come up with that? Saying hello?

I understand why you don’t do it very often. You’re here. People are here. And I am here or there… I’m with you. Humans and language. That’s what made us a good team, a family. And it’s what you were thinking about as you were walking with my little brother.

That and pirate hats. I know I need to stay out of your head. My place is in your heart.

“Oh no, the world is a scary place,” Disturbed even inside your mind, Daddy. Honestly.

Why do you think I sat on your head most mornings? My furry butt was the least of your problems. The day didn’t start for you until you returned from the ‘bad place” you’d go daily and after a nap.

And that’s what I want you to feel, Daddy. That one moment in time when everything began. The moment when everything made sense when you weren’t sad or even scared.

Why? Because I am your son. And while a man provides for his family. It’s how you raised me to be, Dad. And for us to look at each other or how you looked at me when I sat on guard duty for anything that might hurt you. And “It’s Been Awhile” since you haven’t felt like anything more than a Staind. A mess without me, Daddy. No, you’re not.

Dad, do you remember every mess that Virgil has made. He’s messier than me. Ha-Ha! But you remember more the day you met him. PetSmart.

You don’t remember the day you met me. The precise date, I mean. But you remember the day I ‘left’. Sunday, January 31, 2021. The day Virgil arrived was Saturday, August 13, 2022. Daddy, you remember meeting my Favorite Girl face-to-face. It was on E-Day.

Begin to live, to lessen the pain, dare I say, to love. Dad, even now, it’s “later V, later Virgil,” With me, it was “love you, B, love you, Braxton.” How do you begin again? Why would you begin again?” To forgive, to heal, to love. To remember without tears. Daddy, I won’t ask that. But seeing me protecting you. My Favorite girl sitting with you. Cherry’s teasing. Liking me and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. The Beginning Will B

If you had me for 15 years and it took three days to lose me, why would you not be willing to love again? ― Only Gone From Your Sight BY Kate McGahan

“Do the gods light this fire in our hearts or does each man’s mad desire become his god?”
― Virgil, The Aeneid

1576 Days Without B III, Day 1017 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 323 ~L’s Between B, V~

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“I want you to recognize the difference between what you feel and what’s real.” I feel courage, but I ain’t got the guts. I’m horny, but I’m lying here on my… man parts. I’m in love, but in how many ways has my heart broken. Loser. “L’s Between B, V”

Tuesday, May 20, 2025

Meditation 323 ~L’s Between B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? That’s why we must tell our children about the birds and the bees. That conversation.

“But, uh, has anyone talked to you about the birds and the bees?”
“Oh, you mean dicks and vaginas?”
― The Last of Us (2025)

Thank you, but I prefer it my way
Andre Baptiste Sr., Lord of War (2005)

The first time I gave something even remotely similar to that speech was with Braxton.

More to the point of Ain’t nobody “Humpin’ Around.” What can I say? Like father like son, my love. Braxton was supposed to be my breast… Excuse me. My Best Man. And he and I were both big fans of Yabbos. And he B III liked his aunt. A lot. I had to tell him.

What about Virgil? He won’t need that speech, I’m afraid. The ole snip, snip, treatment. Is it any wonder that my secondborn lost his balls? Braxton had some huge cojones.

Seriously, what’s with all this talk about my boys’ anatomy? Trying to be lighthearted, ha!

I’m so “Heavy In Your Arms.” So “Let’s Get Lost.”

The Twilight Soundtrack? That’s the lightest of it, my love. I want to lose my crown. I’ve never been a good man, but how dare I refuse to be king. I don’t have the heart for it. Mine was broken when I lost my firstborn son, little Braxton. Now yours, our kids, trying to mend Virgil’s. A jar of hearts. And no, not like Christina Perri, more like Marianne Engel.

Do you remember when we read Andrew Davidson’s The Gargoyle? That Marianne. Do you remember her man, the pornographer? Eff! How I want to get lost in you, baby doll.

“If you have any idea what I want to do to you right now. I can’t live like this.”
Will Traynor, Me Before You (2016)

Fingers, tongue, and, uh, penis. As the Isley brothers said, “Enough of this singin’, let’s make love.” But “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin'” I have.

“It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.” And I can hear you now if I quote one more song…

But what would be left of me? I can’t tell you the critics. And the one who I could tell…

There’s SADNESS, FEAR, and LUST. So, as I have a week to lie here, I don’t have a week to lie here. So what do I do, my love? What do we do? I can’t do this. But husband, father…

What should I read some more? This morning, it was more about pet loss. When I close my eyes, there’s another ding that scares me. And looking at your beauty. And not being able to do anything Less, Loser, Lost, Me. L’s Between B, V.

1570 Days Without B III, Day 1011 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 322 ~And I’d B Right~

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So I have one more week off. Where do I go? Back to bed? Not to sleep but to write. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. I need to drive to the dealership, the doctors at Banfield, or some delicious girl I know. And I’d B Right.

Monday, May 19, 2025

Meditation 322 ~And I’d B Right~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… You believe me, right? Like you know, you love me like pancakes. Like I’ll come back. Like you’re crying.

Rituals when it comes to mourning and grieving. But I’m not the “Son of a Preacher Man,” no matter what that lady would say in church. I’m your son, and I’d be right about that. You would fight people if they said otherwise. Four legs and all, right, my father.

And I need you to listen to me. More? To see me. You’d give anything to open your eyes and see me. How many seconds, minutes, and hours as you sing, “he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” I look better, Dad. And I did come back. And if things work out with me and Virgil’s future stepmom… Yeah, I know. At least when you’re looking at her, your eyes, Dad… closed, teary, seeing red.

Routinely, when you finally opened your eyes, it would be to push me off your head, remember? And I’d be right. It was time to wake up. No, it’s time to “Get Up, Stand Up,” don’t give up the fight. Bob Marley? Dad, how long did we know each other? Am I trying to be funny? Well, at least you’re not crying. But to answer the question. Fifteen years and thirteen days shy of my birthday. And here I am, trying to get you to dance like you once did with me. What else is there to do? I know you’ve been worried, downright terrified.

Our routine, Dad, can’t be fixed. While you think, “Well, I’ve never prayed, but tonight I’m on my knees, yeah.”

Right. It’s a “Bitter Sweet Symphony,” that’s life. Things change, Dad. And I’d B Right.

For good or bad, because I can’t tell you the future. But I see what the future stepmom has done for you. You’re laughing and crying; I should stick to my Favorite Girl and let you have this one. Leave some women for you and Virgil as I watch you lead him down the same path I used to own. I’m not trying to tell you to be all Viva la vida. What I want to say to you today is this. I want you to see me sitting on the corner of the bed. And to know that nothing will hurt us. And I’d B Right, You’re gonna be alright. And I’d B Right.

The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world. So, wake up, Mister Freeman. Wake up and… smell the ashes…
― Half-Life 2, G-Man

“He did what any hero must: set sail. But you, you turn back. Tell me why.”
― Dante Alighieri, Inferno

1569 Days Without B III, Day 1010 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 316 ~Virgil, I’ll B Saying~

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The last time I had to send Virgil to Braxton’s Room was because of a storm. He’s not one to control his bladder. And he could lose his sh*t. Speaking of which, the things that I say. I miss Braxton. I love sex, I’m afraid. Virgil, I’ll B Saying

Tuesday, May 13, 2025

Meditation 316 ~Virgil, I’ll B Saying~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? More than my boys? I plead the 5th. My love, I’m not that lying Trump.

I have my soft and hard limits, but may I never be as vulgar, vindictive, or vicious as those of MAGA. And yet one of my sons, Braxton, saw Trump’s end… Virgil sees Trump 2.0.

But no, I don’t want to talk about politics today, Monday, May 12, 2025. Or ever. But we have no choice in the matter. As I have no choice but to keep loving Braxton. Always.

And Virgil? I don’t love him as much as Braxton. Later V, Later Virgil as opposed to Love ya B, Love ya Braxton. And look at me crying again. It’s not only because of Braxton. Mother’s Day has been pretty HARD till now. And OH MY GOD, we’ll get to that. Only, I miss Braxton.

Would you rather listen to me cry over him love or sweat over you? Mourning or Moaning? Grieving or Grunting? Wiping my tears or Whipping my… Must I be gross?

“Should I say it out loud?

Yeah, I should. You can’t heal something unless you’re brave enough to say it out loud.

I’m scared, though. I’m scared to say it… which is why I have to.”
The Last of Us

Love, if anything, as Roger sang, “I Want To Be Your Man.” I need “Sexual Healing,” as Marvin Gaye spectacularly put it. What’s better than making Love “Between The Sheets.”

My boy isn’t the only one that can put together a playlist. But we’d have to send Braxton, Virgil, and our two-legged rugrats to bed. Especially considering who I want to be with you. Annoying? I can be that too, but at least I’m not crying anymore, but you, darling.

Well, I want to effing “Tear You Apart.” Because “You get me closer to God.”

And that’s the truth, “I Wanna Eff You.” But not only because I love you more than anything. (Braxton looks down on me from Heaven). I don’t have alternative facts; I have ADDITIONAL facts. Effing MAGA! Anyway, my love, I’m afraid. Yes, I’m worried, but it’s FEAR, my love. And it has begun to overwhelm me. But I’m “Just A Man.” A man provides, protects, and pets puppies. But Braxton isn’t here anymore. And a man isn’t supposed to call on a woman for help, but who else is there. My Ma? Anyone at all?

Love, I don’t know what to do. WHATEVER IT TAKES! I sound like one of my motivations, or Captain America. So what’s next. I have Virgil. Virgil, I’ll B Saying.

1563 Days Without B III, Day 1004 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 315 ~We Won’t B Worried~

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I’m sure I sang “Three Little Birds” for Braxton plenty. 2-V listens to instrumentals today because I need to hear B’s voice. But four years ago, with a look, B would say I had nothing to fear. But today, pick up any worry, please. We Won’t B Worried

Monday, May 12, 2025

Meditation 315 ~We Won’t B Worried~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Am I real? I want to say as real as all your worries. Yesterday? At least Virgil was invited…

Grandma would have never invited me. And why am I speaking so plain today, Daddy? Or is the word direct? It’s like the day you got my little brother, Virgil. And even now, you question. Was that me you were hearing, or are you a man of your word, Daddy?

Being the man you are, it’s both. My father is a great many things. I need to be in the other room for some of those things. Like father, like son, because you were talking to my future stepmom this morning and… Eww, Dad! Yes, I played with my toys in front of my favorite girl. But you forget I’m omniscient, and you can’t just send me to my room.

M Anime’s not my stepmom?

Well, me and Virgil’s, I know. But at least she stopped you from worrying for a little while. And that makes her okay in my book. Now it’s your turn to give me the look. Because with everything you were telling her today. You said I didn’t like anybody? Uh… And now you’re worried about my grandparents’ house. And that’s on top of everything else.

“Times Like These,” my father, or should I say, isn’t it “Ironic,” don’t you think? Is it your “Anxiety?” What’s with the soundtrack? I remember Daddy when everything could be solved with you taking a nap and me guarding the bedroom door. Then you’d wake up, see me guarding you, you’d give me a cuddle, and then spill the tea.

These kids and their slang. But compared to me, you are pretty young, Daddy. Honestly.

That’s why you should keep taking my little brother on those walks. But again, Anxiety. You should keep talking to M Anime even if she doesn’t become the stepmom. Anxiety. And you can never stop writing your books even though… (Gives you a look). Anxiety. I could keep going, but comedy comes in threes. B III, to be precise. Oh, so I got jokes, Dad.

Laughter has never been the best medicine. Sleep, singing, and the STUFF you want to do to Virgil and I’s potential stepmom. If I ever had two-legged siblings, right Daddy. More worries. But today, Daddy, ask yourself, “Why Should I Worry.” We Won’t B Worried

“There is more than one path to the top. Always remember that, brother.”
Golden Son (Red Rising 2), Pierce Brown

“Without hope, we live in desire.”
― From Dante’s Inferno

1562 Days Without B III, Day 1003 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 309 ~Virgil’s B In Language~

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I tell B I love him every day. But I don’t know about the reception on the Rainbow Bridge. I tell V, “Later.” I tell him I’ll be back and that he’s staying. I rescued him. And they’re potential stepmom. What I said to her. Virgil’s B In Language

Tuesday, May 6, 2025

Meditation 309 ~Virgil’s B In Language~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? But as Snow Patrol sings, “Those three words are said too much. They’re not enough.”

How do I know? Despite how much my Old Man paid my way, I hate him. My firstborn son, Braxton, died. And I could say it to my secondborn son, Virgil. But I hate lying.

Always and forever, there’s you, my love. There is the family we created together. And you know me, a beast with a beat. “Havin’ my baby. What a lovely way of sayin’ how much you love me.” That’s all you because I highly doubt Braxton would send me such a song. If he were here today, his four little legs would run circles around his two-legged siblings to keep them safe. Virgil would be quieter than them, easy. Long story.

Love can be quiet or loud. It’s a difficult language.

And since I’m reminiscing about people, places, and even pieces of myself I hate. LEARN.

I’m constantly having to relearn how to love myself. Love, I am The Walking Dead. However, I’m not saying that because today is Sunday, May 4, 2025. So we both know, um, Tuesday, May 6, 2025, is going to suck. Oh, we’ll get to the sucking. Uh, ew. Uh, lovers.

Watch my mouth? Again, we’ll get to that. I say the most horrible things, and we’re not a religious household. But love, Jesus had it easy. If we skip the torture, he just died, love.

My Ma would say he died to save us. And I live? Not because I particularly care to do so. That’s my love language. STAYING.

Again, from a biblical context, Jesus came back. God is love. Dog is love, and my B III, “I said he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus,” as The Killers put it. However, “My Goddess.”

Um. Did we put the kids to bed four-legged, two-legged, and all? Okay, dearest love.

Purely in a Shakespearean meets The Pretty Reckless type of way, “You make me wanna die.” Hear me out, my love. My grief brings me closer to my son, B. Not really, but that’s what I’m going with. Being with you brings me closer in a way to dying. Seriously? Neither of us is Rihanna, but “Sex with Me,” sex with you, I tell myself, “I guess I die another day.” Virgil’s B In Language.

“I think I’ll find another way
There’s so much more to know
I guess I’ll die another day
It’s not my time to go

For every sin, I’ll have to pay
I’ve come to work, I’ve come to play
I think I’ll find another way
It’s not my time to go.”
Die Another Day

1556 Days Without B III, Day 997 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 308 ~Will It B Complicated~

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If I looked at myself the way Braxton did, loving myself would be a breeze. Speaking of a breeze, Virgil and I were burning up in the heat. He looked at me with faith that I’d save us. But with no money because of the Day Job. “Will It B Complicated”

Monday, May 5, 2025

Meditation 308 ~Will It B Complicated~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And you already know the answer. Why do you think I constantly barked at the gate? Because life is…

What? I would watch you come and go for fifteen years. Twenty because I’m here. Somehow, someway, “I’m Still Here” and “I’m Real.” Seriously, Treasure Planet and J-Lo. Movies and music are how I can always reach you. I’m forever with you, even today, right?

It’s Saturday, May 3, 2025. Time moves ever so much faster for me and my brother and slower for you. And yet Virgil is content as I was/am. Humans tend to make things so “Complicated.” So, what? Am I here to play Merlin to my king? You keep calling me.

Daddy, Rohan will answer. We are such geeks, you and I. Do you see how easy it was to put a smile on your face? The bad place is complicated.

And that is why we’re talking today. Because the humans in the bad place are going to make you mad. And if you could only live life… Not existence, but live life as you are. Little 2 V is at your side, and we’re talking. I spent days with you typing on the glow box.

Speaking of the glow box, there were all the nights with you and my favorite girl watching it. And there were plenty of snacks. Daddy, how you’d smile and laugh. Honestly, I didn’t know you could be like that. But Virgil has only seen it once. But it’s not complicated at all, Dad, to give Virgil those types of moments. V has plenty of chances.

Because life is… It’s yours.

The world is yours. Like in Scarface. Not quite my father. Leave that to the manuscripts that you will publish, the movies you’ll make, and the embodiment of the man I know you to be. It doesn’t have to be complicated, Dad. Just be as you are, my father, always.

Brave, Joyful, dare I say Happy. Dad, you said you would come back. That promise? Daddy, that was one you never broke. And the reason you haven’t followed me here. Because of my little brother, my favorite girl, Cherry’s yabbos… I liked my favorite girl’s.

M Anime, mine, and Virgil’s stepmom. You keep saying stop calling her that. But love? Daddy, it’s not complicated. Life is… life itself. You’ll love yourself. Will It B Complicated.

“I so wanted (him) to feel the happiness that I felt whenever we touched each other, but people are more complicated creatures than dogs.”
― A Dog’s Journey: A Novel

“It is easy to go down into Hell; night and day, the gates of dark Death stand wide; but to climb back again, to retrace one’s steps to the upper air – there’s the rub, the task.”
― From Virgil

1555 Days Without B III, Day 996 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 302 ~Room After B, Virgil~

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To be a man and a Dad, one must “Make Room, Make Room!” I don’t know if B has only taken up more space since his death or if there is so little left of me. V needs space, too. And yet I step forward only to ask myself. Where to? Room After B, Virgil.

Tuesday, April 29, 2025

Meditation 302 ~Room After B, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Every little step I take, you will be there. But I’m not Bobby Brown. I’m…

That’s the thing, my love. I want to say, “All Yours.” But I’m not one to shy away from the truth. And while I’m constantly asking myself where I am going, It’s where I am.

“Where you gonna go, where you gonna run, where you gonna hide? Nowhere… ’cause there’s no one like you left.” — Carol Malone, Body Snatchers (1993)

Darling, I have never left the last place I saw my boy on Sunday, January 31, 2021. There was Braxton, in his own bed on a vet’s table, looking at me to do something, save him, or spare him any more pain. My boy wanted to stay. And since he couldn’t, I have. That is the truth. It could be a new definition of love. At its most simplistic, love means you before me. By that logic, I do love Virgil, too. But the concept that one would only stay.

Baby Doll, I could give you a whole playlist on that “Stay With Me” “If I lay here. If I just lay here. Would you lie with me and just forget the world?” “We were made to never fall away.” You can thank B for that last one. “You’re coming back for me.” Damn right!

However, this is the rub. How can I return to a place that I have never left? Where am I?

We are in a dream. I still see us on a beach somewhere. Our two-legged kids ran along in the sand and waves. Little Braxton pulled with all his might to keep them from the water. And you are pulling me and trying to get me to join you. Where?

Again, I don’t know. A man is supposed to lead, but I would rather follow my boy or have you, my love, follow my rules. One of those reasons is “chains and whips excite me,” ha-ha! You know how I’ve been feeling about money these days. Building our “Red Room.”

More like I wanted to “Paint It Black.” Like all the ink along the pages of the books I write. I read something last night and to see the dark lusts, depravity, and desires. Love? Honestly, it could go either way. Let’s say all the dark places in women that men yearn to go, my love. Because with you, at least, I’m moving forward in a Kama Sutra way, baby.

Love? Room After B, Virgil.

Even if you leave this room, you can never leave this room.
— from 1408 (2007)

1549 Days Without B III, Day 990 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 301 ~There’ll B Time, Dad~

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I’ve sat in bed more times than I can count, wishing for the end. I tell myself the world will end in five minutes, and nothing else will matter. But B died, I go broke, and in my head are four book ideas. There’s no time. “There’ll B Time, Dad”

Monday, April 28, 2025

Meditation 301 ~There’ll B Time, Dad~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… “And it’s not too late. It’s Never Too Late.” To what, hear the truth. Neither of us wants that.

“Should I say it out loud?

Yeah, I should. You can’t heal something unless you’re brave enough to say it out loud.

I’m scared, though. I’m scared to say it… which is why I have to.

Say the thing you’re afraid to say. I can help you. Say it out loud, no matter what it is, no matter how bad. I promise, I will help”
― The Last of Us

We’re not Republicans. We’re not MAGA, my father. You’re not screaming, “I don’t want reality.” Dad, you’re brave enough to face reality, risk, and the real. And what is that?

Well, if you’re going to be stuck in the past. Listen to me, Dad. Why can’t we be stuck together in those car rides listening to ROCK music? However, I would prefer you weren’t listening to this particular song from Three Days Grace, “Never Too Late.” Seriously, Daddy, I was so young; one or two when that came out. I hated car rides, not music.

Speaking of which, I remember when you came back, not from the bad place but somewhere you would write without me. I want to see you like that again, Daddy.

Because there will always be time to be sad, scared, to sing of “The Cursed Earth.” But to remember my little brother Virgil. Not your other son, but your son. When you and he walked along the same path we once did, before I got old, fat, and sassy. How I miss those fried stick thingies you would buy. Those days, my grandma would bring a lot of food. Or when you’d say, “Well, it’s E-Day.” And you’d be sad, but lobster and steak, Daddy. Honestly, why do you think I love my favorite girl so much? Yes, she had big, soft yabbos she’d let me lie on, but she also shared plenty of good things. Like my Dad being…

Happy? Now, that wasn’t you.

But there’s time, Dad. And that’s what has been bothering you for months. There is no time to make money. The Day Job, writing, and anything else you could imagine.

Honestly, you’ve been reliving the moment you would never see me again. B free indeed. But isn’t it time to be free of all that frightens you, of the very concept of fear, the fiend?

Because that is not my father in the mirror, but the man before my eyes, who lives by three words when it comes to me, Whatever It Takes. You will see me again, Daddy. Believe.

Someday, I’ll be the book on the shelf, the blush on a lover’s cheeks. A two-legged baby, perhaps. Because there’s time. There’ll B Time, Dad

“Funny how you can live a whole life waiting and not know it.”
From ― Peter Heller, The Dog Stars

“If you weep not now, when will you ever weep?
From ― Dante Alighieri, Inferno

1548 Days Without B III, Day 989 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son