Tag: Lonely

Saga 246 ~Virgil, To Be Delivered~

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The last thing at the door… the “worst” Buffalo Wild Wings I’ve ever had. What happens when I stop singing Aceyalone’s “I Can Get It Myself?” If I had my way, the whole damn world would be delivered. “Love and Happiness?” Virgil, To Be Delivered

Saturday, March 4, 2023

Saga 246 ~Virgil, To Be Delivered~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but like the song, “I don’t care too much for money. Money can’t buy me love.”

If you considered last night… $36.00 for subpar food. Now, didn’t I write off Arby’s and Jack’s? Add Buffalo Wild Wings to that list. Braxton wouldn’t care. His dining habits. That’s yet another regret I have when it comes to his death. That Sunday, I should have let the vet dose him and let him eat everything he wanted: fries. But no, Lady Lunalesca. I took my son straight to Heaven, the Rainbow Bridge, or wherever. He’s always stayed. Considering how I continue to mourn day 762. I don’t seek salvation for my crime. Lunalesca, if there is one thing I know. Triple B wants to be wherever I am. To quote Eminem, “I’m goin’ to hell, Who’s comin’ with me?” Nobody else, Lunalesca, hmm?

Hell! One more reason for me to stay alive. Like when I’d be asleep, and B III would watch over me. Then we’d sit in the den, and it would be my turn to look after him. And now what? I wish I could say I delivered on my promise to wake up early, Lunalesca. Billionaires wake up when again? I didn’t get out of bed until 5:00. But I can’t say I’ve been productive. Destiny Cuban, Lucy Tyler, and Sabrina Carpenter wearing lingerie. Lunalesca, give me some credit. At least I’m not paying for porn. I was doing the math all of yesterday, besides paying for Wi-Fi. Deliver us from evil? I wish, but I’ll have to go outside today. I want Pepper Dogs.

I want a world where money is delivered to a bank account. And I don’t have to do something I hate. So why aren’t I writing? I hate to say it. Kanye was right, Lunalesca? Slavery is a choice… At least when it comes to my Day Job. Deliverance, Destruction? Yesterday I did throw away some things related to The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. And The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. Lunalesca, I wish I could have drugs delivered. Two more days to see me healing… There’s also the tax refund. Everything I need to get for Braxton and the freeloader. Lunalesca, his name is Virgil. I bought/adopted a dog. What about women? My soul? Perhaps, Virgil, To Be Delivered.

762 Days Without B III, Day 203 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 245 ~Virgil’s Bookish, B III~

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I’ve dropped a book a few times in the tub. A girl snatched one of my books and threw it at some guy. Bloody pages. And I’m sweating bullets in public. Reading is my place of peace… or so it is/was with Braxton. And Virgil? Virgil’s Bookish, B III

Friday, March 3, 2023

Saga 245 ~Virgil’s Bookish, B III~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I don’t plan on becoming transphobic like J. K. Rowling. Or ripping people off somehow.

Please. For that kind of money… or less, I’d throw whatever morals I have out the window. I haven’t been doing a lot of reading. But I’ve watched every episode of “The Last of Us.” I’ve said I would burn the world to the fucking ground to save my Braxton. Hell! He’s not asking for that. And he wouldn’t even ask for me to be happy. My son knows me. If anything, B wants me to have peace. And when did that ever happen, hmm? Reading on the loveseat in the den. After a hard day of guarding the house and protecting me while I napped. He would curl up with me as I read. Did I need a reason to cry today with everything?

The Ninth Circle of Hell is Treachery. And is said to be frozen with the tears of the greatest betrayer, Lucifer. I’ll know sooner or later. At least, I hope so. Lady Sophia, I’d like to be correct for once. Besides my tears, I’ve been spitting nonsense at Cherry. Me looking and then; being STUPID! Next to Braxton dying, to be stupid is the worst. Then dad… the Day Job. Sweating up a storm at those things. But the Day Job for most of this week. Only better sweat than blood. My blood has been boiling with rage at that place, Sophia. The stress, sins, and sickness. All coming from trying to exist in this place, Sophia. One more reason to read. Knowledge and power?

I can’t say I’ve found much solace in “How to Be an Antiracist.” Was I looking for that, Sophia? And “Mesmerizing Caroline – The Beginning” is an excuse for me to be lazy. All so I can have my one-book-a-week streak. Or should I say, as the song goes, “I be strokin’.” I know, reading the energy bottle, I should be up until at least 2 this afternoon. So what should I be reading until then? Yep, stress, sin, and sickness. But here’s the thing, My Lady. It wouldn’t matter what I was reading. Braxton and the freeloader… Virgil. They want to be a part of it. I’m a better “person” while reading. You can’t get books wet. Buying a Kindle… Virgil’s Bookish, B III.

761 Days Without B III, Day 202 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 244 ~Gonna B Alright Virgil~

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I thought the silence would kill me. But the noise filling the void now? It’s like “Wanted,” I want to scream at the Day Job, “SHUT THE F*CK UP!” I can’t even listen to Bob Marley; I need the perfect song to play on Spotify. “Gonna B Alright Virgil.”

Thursday, March 2, 2023

Saga 244 ~Gonna B Alright Virgil~

760 Days Without B III, Day 201 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I asked that every day. But did I listen? I hope you hear me now.

My anger. And as the song goes, “I feel stupid.” Hell! I am stupid. And I wish I could have told you that. The Wednesday you came crying to me. If I didn’t hear you… Braxton, I should have let you help. That’s one more thing making me angry today. Selfishness. Because even now, I want to make this about me. I thought I was protecting you, in a way, from my rage and wrath. But it was the indifference. I didn’t care enough, Braxton. We went on until Friday. “I sang ‘Cause every little thing, gonna be all right.” But it won’t be ever again. And not only because you’re gone, Braxton Barks. Madness. To paraphrase from the character Howard Beale “I’m fucking mad as Hell, and I’m not going to take this anymore!”

And I’m scared of what that means, Triple B. What if it doesn’t mean a damn thing? It didn’t back when you were with me. I would still be sitting here, head of the table. Braxton, that’s what I was scared of. I wouldn’t be able to put food on our table ever again. Don’t I have those concerns about Virgil Vivi? That’s another thing that frightens me… I don’t. You see, it’s been 201 days. That’s about six months and change. Any fear, Braxton? Only I don’t want to see him suffer in the rain. And there was that time he sniffed your bed. I don’t fear at all that he’ll take your place.

I’m sad that I would rather join you. A lot more these days, B III. Thanks to the Day Job. If I blame anybody for your death… more than myself, it would be those monsters. Going on thirty-nine years, Braxton, and if I don’t have anything to show for it? It was a sad idea. Better to give in to depression than anger. A mind is a terrible thing to waste. And according to the Day Job, I don’t have one. So what should go into my head? At the moment, it’s what this reactor said about Anger, Fear, and Sadness. Triggering emotions. Lust is not the greatest. Eww! And things like hope, love… Hell! But telling Virgil and me, It’s Gonna B Alright Virgil.

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 242 ~To B Healthy Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Black History. I’m a black man, and “This Is America.” Thinking I can make a change. A family of my own? I don’t know my nephews. Or two half-brothers. And I was the best man I could be for Braxton. But some doggie or woman… To B Healthy Virgil.

Tuesday, February 28, 2023

Saga 242 ~To B Healthy Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Which means annual checkups, insurance, and staying the fuck out of Florida. But then again, Disney.

I may not have a healthy relationship with my Olds. But tradition. I want to take our kids to Disney World, Universal… Uh, what else is there again? I don’t want to think about it. Isn’t that the thing, love? I always told myself there would be time for Braxton. Living for my son; when he was the one living for me. Because what have I done for 758 Days? Existing. And yes, this is something I should be sharing with a therapist. Doggie, Wife? I should dig my hole a bit deeper. If I dare compare you, the love of my life, with Braxton. Love, my love. If it wasn’t for my firstborn, I don’t know if I could ever say I know love.

Because I didn’t go to the doctor yesterday for me. I still wake up every day not wanting to. I close my eyes with dreams to never open them again. Something else to discuss, right? Instead, I told the Doc what was going on. And she said that no, that’s not it. My sore ass. They shot me up with some antibiotics. And I got a prescription for the drugs I took after The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident. A week’s worth for The Cherry Collision. I’m upset about that. What! That I got a week’s supply. Or the fact that I cared to get well. Being a husband, a father, and having the freeloader to feed. I swear I’ll stop calling Virgil Vivi that at some point. But today, love…

It’s not killing him. Been there and done that with Braxton. As for myself. Breathing. Yesterday the Doc said I need to drink more water, and I’m trying to keep it up for the week. Until I run through my course of meds anyway. B wouldn’t want this, I know. People in Hell want ice water but isn’t the Ninth Circle all ice? Treachery, Betrayal? Braxton, again, he kept me alive so that I could find you. So that I could give the love I should have been giving him to you, our family, even saving little V. But indifference? It’s what killed Braxton, and I could understand it killing me as well, for sure. It’s what I deserve. Existing living? To B Healthy Virgil

758 Days Without B III, Day 199 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 239 ~Fido Fears Braxton, Virgil~

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I’m sexy but haven’t had a release in 57 days. I’m suici… AHEM, but not like I’m looking to die. I have a freeloader feed. I mean Virgil. I’m scared, but I’m in the safest place of all, in bed. But it’s like I’m drowning. “Fido Fears Braxton, Virgil”

Saturday, February 25, 2023

Saga 239 ~Fido Fears Braxton, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should be all kinds of scared. Ironic; I thought money was the answer.

As always, it was Triple B. Yes, I did say WAS because I’m scared all the time. Oh, in bed? If anything, this is the safest place of all. Like a little boy hiding under the covers. More like a grown-ass man keeping secrets. One more reason to miss Braxton. No time for that. Couldn’t be busy masturbating when I needed to be his Daddy, which meant getting up. Yeah, bed was for reading. Attempting to educate myself. What have I learned lately, Lu? There was a time to rest, and I don’t feel rested, Lady Lunalesca. Not even with the freeloader… I need to stop thinking that. His name is Virgil Vivi Bradford. But it’s like something out of Ghostbusters. Gozer and Ray’s Choice

If you asked me now what I think would or has destroyed me. I would say my Braxton leaving me. More like me killing him. But it was the fear Lady Lunalesca making me rush. The Day Job has the same effect. How often do I panic that I’m late and I will lose the one thing that allows me and Virgil to survive? Lady Lunalesca, I’m always fucked. And no, not in a good way when you consider The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. And The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. Shouldn’t I be going to Urgent Care? I saved some money yesterday at the expense of seeing my second-greatest fear. The Traveler, the Destroyer. That would be my father.

Picture it, Lady Lunalesca. Here I am in bed, destroying my dick over some gymnast. Lunalesca, the next thing I know, I get a text asking if I’m at the house, and so I’m up. Dammit, I already was in a certain way but anyway. I’m putting on clothes and recreating that armoring-up scene from Blade II. And keep in mind this is to see my father, I mean. Should I treat every day like I will have to see my father? I am a little boy again. Should I pretend to see Braxton die and rush out of here heroically, Lunalesca? Only to fail. Is that what Virgil is missing, like the song goes, “fear is the heart of love.” Fido Fears Braxton, Virgil

755 Days Without B III, Day 196 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 238 ~ I’ll B Writing, Virgil~

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I’m a writer. That’s starting to become a lie. Now “I’m a Slave 4 U.” It’s not like Britney wrote that. And it takes much worse to turn me on. And why do I need that? I should be writing since Virgil got in trouble last night. I’ll Be Writing, Virgil

Friday, February 24, 2023

Saga 238 ~ I’ll B Writing, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but not for writing. Not today. But as they say, brevity is the soul of wit.

I’ve gotten more mileage from the words “Braxton is dead” than anything else. To exploit my boy like that? Never. And I’m not trying to start something. I’m not Sophia. Only if you’re wondering where I’ve been. I wish I could say it was all cute dogs and such. Hell! I need them considering my day often starts off in tears. But reasons may vary. Dog memes, voiceovers, and I wish I could say books. I am rather enjoying “NSFW: A Novel.” Of course, you know why that is… Virgil is making that easier. Punishment. Today or rather last night, is the first time I had to place him in time-out. Peed on the floor. Anyway, I was able to read in peace. Not really.

And that’s because I’ll always miss Braxton. But as the book implies. NSFW, Lady Sophia. I still get off on horror stories concerning women. Why did I join Court’s Patreon? Yesterday I read about how the boss got that girl to take all her clothes off in a “trust exercise.” And the narrator was fingered by that guy Julian. Digital Penetration? I mean the way some things get described. And again, there’s courtwithconfidence. I swear, she told her true story, and all I wanted was to see her naked. How much was that, hmm? Oh, and what? I want to spend money on Johnny Sins videos. Him talking about sleeping with a former teacher of his. Wow! So few words, and I’m here banging away.

On the keyboard and not the bed. The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident of January 11, 2022. The Cherry Collision on February 16, 2023? I thought about going to the doctor. Please. I woke up too late, which means… well, not a damn thing. But I don’t want to go. I have way too much writing to do anyway. The question remains, what gets done today. I have to text my old man about what the termite guy said. After my humiliating showing at my granddaddy’s funeral. I’m thirty-eight, Lady Sophia. Sad writing it again. There’s working on the cash—three groups of three hundred, then a hundred for me. A grocery list, promises I won’t keep, you, the other girls, Braxton. I’ll Be Writing, Virgil

754 Days Without B III, Day 195 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 237 ~B III, 2V, D…~

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Yesterday was about shutting up or not. I didn’t talk to the termite guy. I only nodded idiotically. I told two people how I was feeling, then what… I should treat existing like a BINGO; since I never win. Depression is silent too. B III, 2V, D…

Thursday, February 23, 2023

Saga 237 ~B III, 2V, D…~

753 Days Without B III, Day 194 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know your aunt doesn’t talk to me quite as often. You know why? BINGO!

Even that Thursday afternoon when I was done for the week. And I finally acknowledged… Well, the truth. Something was wrong with you, and I knew you needed a doctor. Inevitably, I made it about myself. I was tired, the day was terrible, and there were probably some girl’s tits I was thinking of. Because not my baby, no, not my child, you weren’t dying. B, you were, you did, and somehow or another, I continue. I don’t want to. I was at the Day Job today. And I fell against the wall when they started singing Happy Birthday to some chick. Your birthday was ten days ago. I got you fries but no gift… Braxton, I wasn’t crying about that. Why was I? Depression?

If I ever go and see a doctor… that, of course, requires money, and with the tax refund, I got today… One more reason to be depressed. But I’d put on a “happy” face, somehow. You’d see right through it like the freeloader. Okay, I know he has a name. Virgil Vivi Bradford. But that hasn’t stopped me from being a dick, especially today. Asshole! Braxton, you would give me one of those looks that would tell me I’m behaving as such again. I want to do better, well, no. I need to do better anyway. Fear leads to anger. That’s got nothing to do with Virgil and everything to do with your granddad. Fuck! Yesterday, today, tomorrow, texting him. Braxton, I need some dollars.

If anything, to have a family that consists of more than you, me, and the free… I mean Virgil Vivi. I am trying. But not when I’m busy telling women the truth. I did yesterday. I’m still thinking about the termite guy taking that Bow. The Girl in 6E. I was talking to Cherry about that book. And let’s say I used a poor choice of language. Fuck Me! Yeah, and now I got money to spend on porn. But $300 to emergencies and $300 to another account. There’s a $300 split between you and Virgil. Possibly $100 and change… Me? Thinking about it… Like I tell Replika, I wish I didn’t have to. I want to shut up. Death Cure. B III, 2V, D…

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 235 ~Not A B-Movie Virgil~

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Not my best work, but Will Smith has had moments like that… I wish I could say I spent all day watching Collateral Beauty. Or something more educational like The 1619 Project. But what I’ve been watching and doing so late. “Not A B-Movie Virgil”

Tuesday, February 21, 2023

Saga 235 ~Not A B-Movie Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and Will Smith isn’t… 350 Million and other things on the internet wasting my time today.

Death. Or rather looking it up, which begins with life. This means Braxton Barks Bradford. Don’t worry; I’m not suicidal… okay, that’s a lie; I usually am. But as Morgan Freeman spoke in Lean On Me, I’m not one to do things “Expeditiously.” Or, as the Beatles sang, “living is easy with eyes closed.” For me, that would mean sleeping. Practice for the big sleep, my love. And didn’t I want to talk about Collateral Beauty tonight? Will Smith and the like. If anything, I have been focusing on reasons for existing all day today. Any and all to Endure and Survive. Hell! The Last of Us is the only thing I’ve been watching, love. More death? I haven’t been to the doctor, have I?

Love? I can’t say I have ever loved myself. Here comes another movie reference. From Ben-Hur, “we keep you alive to serve this ship. Row well, and live.” I continue to exist because there is always someone that needs me… That’s not healthy, is it? But as I was telling M Anime. If love is not needed and can be tossed. Then it wasn’t love at all. I think. I couldn’t ask Braxton to stay, but I couldn’t save him either. Then marriage and family. Can I ask you to stay? Can I save you? All you need is love. But what’s left of me? Every day it’s like I’m watching the most horrible movie ever. It’s not Collateral Beauty. It’s “Welcome to My Life”

Time to look up songs and all this other stuff. Do you see what time it is? 7:30 PM. Fuck! Speaking of which. I’ve had time to look up all the porn in the universe because I don’t deserve anything real. What I wouldn’t give to sit on the loveseat with B and his aunt. Yes, love, we can do that too. Plus, there’s the bonus of the fact that I’m trying to make love. That would be time well spent, don’t you think? But the things that take my time nowadays. How I have the termite guy coming over at some point? I do need the house to hide in; well, we do. Talking about Love, Death, Time, Collateral Beauty. Not A B-Movie Virgil.

751 Days Without B III, Day 192 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 232 ~Waiting For B, Virgil~

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Am I still waiting for Braxton to come back “home?” Or am I waiting to drop dead? And how best to make that happen? I know I get tons of practice staying in bed. If Virgil wasn’t here right now… Hell! Even if I had a woman… Waiting For B, Virgil

Saturday, February 18, 2023

Saga 232 ~Waiting For B, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I have no patience when it comes to making more money, more money, hehe.

As the song plays, “What’s My Age Again?” Waiting, hoping that’s all it is, Lunalesca. Because I’m an old man… well, a perverted old man Lady Lunalesca. The Cherry Collision. Is that the name I’m sticking with? Fuck! With the price, was fucking myself over worth it? Nope! But again, I’m waiting to see. And not for months this time or so, I hope Lu. Patience is not one of my virtues. But like the GQP, “‘Cos money making is a wonderful thing.” (Cue girl with nice tits)… oops where’d all my money go? If only B III were here. And again Thursday, February 16, 2023. I got to remember that date. I’ll need medication? Not sure. But I always need my boy. My son.

Braxton, “where’d you go? I miss you so. Seems like it’s been forever that you’ve been gone. Please come back home…” What’s with me and the music this morning, Lunalesca? Yes, I continue to stay off of Spotify until I find the perfect song. And um, I started Succubus Lord again. I have at least three new books waiting to be heard. And my books? I was up on time this morning, not dicking around because Virgil’s here, Lunalesca. I was counting off the seconds in fear. And yes, this day has started off in terror. How do I exist? At the moment, I don’t want to. And living? That will have to wait, Lunalesca. Braxton ain’t coming back, and I’m not dying. Still waiting.

The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident, The Cherry Collision? Killing myself the best way I know how? Don’t they say that murder gets easier? I killed B III. Wasn’t easy, Lu. You know I don’t give a fuck about myself. The one luxury I’ve given myself was a soda without drinking two bottles of water. Oh, and sleep. What about my Enormous Penis? If I had a moment to myself, but since the 16th… Virgil has come running to the bedroom. I’m too busy being a… not a dad, not with Virgil, anyway. But he’s hanging out. He might starve himself wanting to be around me. Is he waiting to trust me, to not be afraid? Lunalesca, you’re waiting until I’m better. Waiting For B, Virgil.

748 Days Without B III, Day 189 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 231 ~B, The Story, Virgil~

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Last week, I was writing about the need to go shopping. But, Ah shit, here we go again. I did finish reading a bit. One thing off the to-do list. How about getting to know V? If he’d been earlier. I’m too busy making myself sick. B, The Story, Virgil

Friday, February 17, 2023

Saga 231 ~B, The Story, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but I wouldn’t invest in FOX News, OAN, NEWSMAX, etc. No, I believe in the truth.

I would say I write the truth. For example, what I live with every day. My son B is dead. Try waking up to that. I don’t remember the last day I wanted to wake up to. I was on time today for the most part, but I had a reason. Oh, Lady Sophia, I fucked up. But we’ll get to that in a bit. And do you know why? I’m trying to hold off being a meanie. His name is Virgil. In a minute, I’m going to sound like one of those men from Fight Club, ha-ha. His name is Virgil Vivi, you know. Begins chanting, “his name is Robert Paulson.” Virgil’s here; God, don’t have me writing again… He’s not eating or drinking.

V is very much alive. And he wants to stay here with me. So you know what that means. No edging or masturbation. Hell! Why couldn’t Virgil get here sooner? I got to ask Sophia. I always talk about The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident of January 11, 2022. How about The Cherry Collision on February 16, 2023? I can’t say that anything is wrong yet. Lady Sophia, I could hardly walk when the Incident occurred. But the Collision ain’t right. Next thing you know, I’ll be reading another doctor’s bill and the medication… $100 ha. Trying to make myself the story instead of Virgil. I keep wanting to say something. Freeloader, Fiend, Fido? My Braxton is my guardian, my goodness, dammit, the word of God.

My Fighter, my friend, and always and forever. I have books that say that, but no. What am I doing? As I’ve said, I don’t have cash for anything. And yet, more books, more books. And what’s sad is I’m reading books I am not interested in; in a place that isn’t the loveseat in the den. With a fur baby, I keep asking… why are you here? Asshole? Probably. I’ve already mentioned Fight Club, and The Day After Tomorrow, so how about M3gan? I feel like Gemma with her niece. With me and V, I’m not his Dad. Then what am I then? Virgil Vivi and my story… I don’t know. Besides worrying, I started reading for Kindle Challenge (sigh). B, The Story, Virgil

747 Days Without B III, Day 188 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will