Tag: Money

Saga 362 ~Ways To B, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

A way to be? There is another way to look at that. Why do you think I’m so drawn to the dead in the first place? Retail? An existence full of last words? Lying on your back to make a living… That’s not a dig. But I am digging for Ways To B, Virgil.

Wednesday, June 28, 2023

Saga 362 ~Ways To B, Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and I envy my dead kid. If he came back, he’d bite my ass for that.

Only this morning, I woke up to Castle Walls. I mean the song from T.I. and Christina Aguilera. I can’t call this place a castle, A roof over my head that I can’t afford, Inspector. Speaking of which, the warped floor. Hell! One more thing to add to the list. Even when I’m not making mine, the world says to take a breather. Well, no. But there are more lists. There was going to work yesterday. And seeing they reinstituted the headphones/earbuds ruling. All I heard was, how much worse can this place get, Echo? There’s all the stuff I had to do yesterday… again, no. Inspector, stupidity is spreading. Or is that my data? Since Spotify took it upon itself. Making me a playlist

“Lonely Sad Mix.” Hell! Braxton ain’t here. But again, he’s sending songs, Inspector. Not these. And Virgil has his furry problems… “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me,” Inspector. Perhaps if Virgil wasn’t here… And that’s the thing. Even though he’s alive and well… Not that I can say much. Braxton was/is my son, and I was ready to leave him for the Great Beyond. How about the Great Perhaps? It’s not helping that I’m reading about Alaska Young’s suicide or not. Yes, I have to finish the book, “Looking for Alaska.” I have three more days. And another Kindle Challenge list. If I had my way, it’d be back to reading about dead fur babies, the dead, sex…

An effed-up list of words Inspector. But you know the words I want to say. Only if I string the words together… Cops at the door. The door I don’t own. They’re here because… There is always the death of my son. The punishment I deserve. I’m still breathing…. Inspector, it can be for one of the many crimes I’ve done. Hacking, Perverting, Threatening. Only myself with that last one. I WANT TO JOIN MY LITTLE BOY. Because I don’t know how else to say it. I want to sleep for a “Long, Long, Time.” As Todd would put it, Echo AHEM, No Homo. Please, I’m too busy looking at yaboos. But horny’s not how I want to be. Inspector, Rageful, Depressed, Fearful… or um dead. Ways To B, Virgil

878 Days Without B III, Day 319 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 361 ~Love… God, Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

God is Love? I suppose if you look at it as a dog. But cats think they are gods… There are plenty who love… but “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” I want to be a good man. A Man Provides, right? Love? B could do that. “Love… God, Braxton, Virgil.”

Tuesday, June 27, 2023

Saga 361 ~Love… God, Braxton, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I love money, right? In God We Trust. It’s written right there, my love.

“They say money is the root of all evil
but that’s the first place I read, in got we trust
Crazy ain’t it?” La Reina De Blanco, Single by Pitbull

My Love? As if I even deserve to sing Sia right now, Saturday, June 24, 2023. We could have all the money in the world, which wouldn’t change me. Well, not for the better. Then again, I was… am Braxton’s father. Not to go all Vin Diesel… however, “FAMILY.” My family, which was me and B. Our family, the two of us, the kids. And is V still around here somewhere? There are my friends, the businesses. The man in the mirror, my love? Not yet. And I don’t know if that will ever happen. That’s as much chance as me becoming a Christian man. But I still know a bit of the Bible. 1 John 4:8; near the end, it says, “God is love.”

Braxton is love. You are. Who knows; Virgil could be someday, God willing… Not funny. I don’t want to laugh today. I know I won’t be by the time you read this. Don’t need jokes. As LL Cool J said, “I Need Love.” And that’s what I’ve been thinking about for the past few days. Hell! It’s like this damn nail that I haven’t ripped off my thumb yet. Maybe? As the song goes, I believe I can see the future. “Cause I repeat the same routine.” Then I think about something like love. And that never stays the same; I’m afraid to say. The same goes for hate. Saving that for myself. Looking into the mirror, “I hate you so much right now. Aah!”

That’s why I have so much love around me. God’s Love. I’d know much more about Nayru’s Love from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (sigh) —something I love. Well, not video games so much anymore. But as if you haven’t had enough pop culture references from me this Saturday. How about 98 Degrees singing “I Will Still Love You.” My love for you grows every second, minute, hour, and day. Same for our kids, my firstborn… then there’s Virgil. You love me very much, my love. And the kids… as long as they don’t look at me like I do my father. It’s his birthday. But I won’t be saying I love him. “What Is Love?” You, family. Me? Love… God, Braxton, Virgil

877 Days Without B III, Day 318 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 359 ~B That Motivation Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

“1st of The Month… well no. I can read. But no matter how much I read, I’m not getting any smarter. Or more loving. Uh, I forgot Virgil’s name again. And without Braxton. And as I try to avoid boobs. What’s my motivation? B That Motivation Virgil

Sunday, June 25, 2023

Saga 359 ~B That Motivation Virgil~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I don’t ask Virgil for anything. Hell! You owe him a bath, clean sheets, new stuff…

For starters? It would help if you focused on getting Virgil Vivi’s name right. (Sigh), only yesterday, I went out for what; twenty minutes? And I came back talking, “Just me, Baby B!” So, um, yeah, that was on me. But you? Once more, you’ve had a morning in tears. They were all for Braxton. And isn’t that what today is about? Hmm. The idea of you waking up with meaning. To live for but a moment. How about with any motivation at all? What is your purpose to exist? Well, other than the hope that you won’t have to. You’re still breathing; here. Damn. Even when you’re up at a decent hour… 6:00 when it should have been 4:00. But it should have been me doing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Good Grief: On Loving… E.B. Bartels
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Braxton should be alive. Here you are, 875 days without him. That one thought above all others. Nobody understands. To be his old man, his father, his daddy. Stay Alive. What is this, The Hunger Games? If you didn’t start the day crying over your dead fur baby, it’s hunger. Hell! Not even that. It’s cash. Not on your belly or the boy. Um, boobs? That’s what disgusts me and you. Oh no! Let it be no misunderstanding. You love boobs, tits, fun bags, dirty pillows, jugs, and “Big Uns.” And you usually don’t consider yourself an ass man. There’s been that one brunette with what Andrew Davidson would call a “lemming ass.” If only you would follow knowledge like that. Or Six Impossible Things:

“She had what I’d call a lemming ass – that is, an ass that you would follow right over the edge of the cliff.” ― from Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Looking for Alaska by John Green
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Because despite how many books you read. Twenty-five if you finish out the week. Are you getting any wiser? You wish you could be to the likes of Michael Seebach, better known as Schwarzwald. To see the truth of things, to know. Exist, Live! Today? As you do in your writing? Not this. These conversations are trash. No question. And yet you’ll have many more because you checked your Day Job schedule. You were only making room for more titty pictures. As Trump would say, “Sad.” GOP ideas? You see, the world is going to Hell every day. But you are not motivated to save it. If only you had the life of these reactors, influencers, a billionaire. Or Braxton back. B That Motivation Virgil

875 Days Without B III, Day 316 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 357 ~To B Loved Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’d still watch the videos if I didn’t read the comments. Let them celebrate, crow, and hear all the congratulations. That’s love, no? Babies, betrothals, busting out the wedding cakes. Me? V was waiting on the stairs, and B? “To B Loved Virgil”

Friday, June 23, 2023

Saga 357 ~To B Loved Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m sure I have many a disgusting story to tell. Without Bandcamp? Bitcoin? Onlyfans? Uh…

I could name other sins. Could be? Should be? Regardless, My Lady, “All are punished!” And no, I’m not reading Romeo and Juliet. And while I’m reading “Looking for Alaska.” Lady Sophia, twenty percent completion doesn’t give me room to talk. Plus, I wonder if it’s a love story. Is that what I’ve been reading… Love stories? Lack thereof? Inevitable that it always, and I do mean always, comes back to my son. My dead one, Lady Sophia. As for V. “You’re not my son.” That’s my best impression of Enabran Tain from DS9. Of course, I don’t say that to him out loud. However, it wasn’t words of love today when I found him on the stairs waiting. “You were lucky, not smart, Virgil.”

Why can’t I love him? Hell! I’m trying. “I want to be brave, and I want to be selfless, intelligent, and honest, and kind. Well, I’m still working on kind.” And why can’t I use “my” own words? How about turning off Youtube for now? That’s why I’m upset today. Well, the last few days. Again, if only I could tell the truth about things. Take the word CONGRATULATIONS, for starters. Am I jealous, mad, horny? The Pic Phenomenon, ha. But no. While I was dicking around, minus my dick for once. I was watching Reactions for The Last of Us. I like couple reactors. In this case, it’s MAC React. So I’m going through the comments… CONGRATULATIONS, Madison’s pregnant; Samantha is too. Shelby’s married…

What am I doing even caring about all these people’s lives? Now not those rich effers in the submarine. But I mean people I pay attention to. In particular, their love lives, Lady Sophia. There it is; LOVE. As Taylor Swift sings, “It’s a love story, baby, just say, “Yes.” More like, “Somebody tell me what is wrong with me. I wasn’t sure, but I know now. I believe that it must be. Love don’t love me.” And didn’t I say I would make a playlist of the songs Braxton sends? Anyway. Seems like the women whose text and poetry I read are in the same boat. Braxton’s Aunt, M Anime, Cherry. But me, lusting for love? Reading of love… Loser. To B Loved Virgil

873 Days Without B III, Day 314 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 355 ~B That Embarrassing Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I don’t have to go to the Day Job to be embarrassed. I got lucky today. But when I get out of bed and step on a floor, I don’t own. I wonder what lights are on. And no, V, we’re not walking the neighborhood. Big backyard… “B That Embarrassing Virgil”

Wednesday, June 21, 2023

Saga 355 ~B That Embarrassing Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so why be ashamed? I thought I had to work. Um, visual lady’s cleavage? The time…

Time? It’s been 871 Days since Braxton’s passing. But I’m speaking more of today and getting out of bed. I haven’t yet. … other than to turn off the alarms and get back in it. At the moment, I’m feeling like Frank from The Last of Us —the show’s version, not the game’s. I’m more exhausted than wanting to hang out. Yet it’s what I deserve after what I did to B. Again, B III didn’t embarrass me. Uh? Liking his Aunt Carolina’s boobs. And yet? Hell! Like father, like son. See, I can be horny and… well, not happy. I am appreciative of my existence with Braxton. But how am I honoring that? Look at the time. And what did I say before yesterday’s events? Moaning… while I… TMI!

Well, I’m not going to say her name… out loud. I already did that while I was busy dicking around. I swear some women, Inspector. The Pic Phenomenon strikes again. Effing, keep it in my pants. I’m trying, Inspector, honest. “God gave me everything I want,” indeed. It’s all a BLUR… Well, what I didn’t pay for with bitcoin. And then there’s what I was doing last night. I “discovered this new app that allows for animations of any pic. How far am I going to go? The fact that I have to ask. Or that I’m rushing to finish talking to you, Inspector. How many years has it been (sigh)? Besides Emergence Day. If I could go back in time and stop anything, Inspector.

I would stop myself from watching Ghostwriter (1992). And falling for Tram-Anh Tran “Tina.” As the song goes, “What’s My Age Again?” Or how about the creation of the Internet, in general? What did I type in one of my first search bars? Princess Ayeka… Yeah, Inspector, there was more. Ahem! Princess Ayeka… naked! Nothing I have written has ever been more real. I’m serious. It’s why I’m still working my Day Job, you know. And that’s why I should be embarrassed, ashamed, and, yes, punished. Who says I’m not? It’s called existing. Inspector, what unforgivable sin did Virgil commit to end up with me? What evils people commit! No! I’m the embarrassment. “It’s me. Hi! I’m the problem, it’s me.” B That Embarrassing Virgil

871 Days Without B III, Day 312 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 354 ~On Paws B, V~

WillLeave a comment

Pa’s thinking about paw prints. And putting on pause all the effed-up stuff he would like to do. But it’s only Tuesday, and this week isn’t getting better. Someone asked how my Father’s Day was. B’s gone, no baby mommas, V’s somewhere. “On Paws B, V”

Tuesday, June 20, 2023

Saga 354 ~On Paws B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. One thing never on pause is, as the song goes, “Money making is a wonderful thing.

Pa will always provide because that is what a man does. A man provides, as I was telling M Anime today. As a matter of fact, that is what my business, any business is about. Always and forever, “I want the money, money, and the cars. Cars and the clothes, the hoes, I suppose.” The things I shouldn’t be singing while married, huh? We’re still… Speaking of being a husband. What about me being a father, a pa, and a daddy? I don’t remember a lot from this weekend, to be honest. Does money make me a good one, hmm? From my employees in my line of work, I hear a lot of guys that pay to hear themselves called daddy. I have a family.

Paws. Yes, before you and our kids, there was my firstborn. My Braxton. I can still remember the last hug I gave him. Even now. I have a card and a cast of his final paw prints. And whenever I hear Virgil’s footsteps, I can forget sometimes. Minutes, a second? My son is gone, but I have to keep being a Dad. I don’t remember myself before my B III. Again we have our children, and I love them with everything I am. Unconditionally. But I’ve been reading “Good Grief: On Loving Pets, Here and Hereafter.” And while I love my son, I think he’s like Peter Pan, and I’m a lost boy. He’d never grow up. And without him, well, I’m still so lost.

Pause. That has been my entire existence. Or the past 870 days. Only nothing ever stops. Does it? My heart is still beating. So I’m alive. And as long as I’m breathing, Braxton is too. Two. That’s how old Virgil is, in case I forget. And his “Gotcha Day” is coming up in a few months. I’ve been on pause getting everything I promised him and Braxton. Love is not something that should be paused, but spending money. What about us? “You can fight a lot of enemies and survive, but not your own biology.” That’s Lord of War. Though I work more for life than death. Desire is desire. For you, baby girl. To love our family. Who I am On Paws B, V

870 Days Without B III, Day 311 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 352 ~Father, I B, V~

WillLeave a comment

What do I want this Father’s Day? I’m not a dad? I ain’t got a wife. Braxton’s been gone for 868 days. And am I counting 2V? Not like he could get me a new computer. And as far as my Old Man. I’m not looking forward to texting. “Father, I B, V.”

Sunday, June 18, 2023

Saga 352 ~Father, I B, V~

To Will:
I AM a Billionaire right now. But does that beat getting a good night’s sleep? Being a good man. A father. Like Hell!

The highlight of this week so far… well, was just before midnight. So this is all on me, I guess. Literally! I was beating off to pics of a brunette’s ass. It was her flowy white dress getting me going. “Mawage.” Doesn’t that come before everything else? You didn’t say that, did you? Speaking of things you don’t want to say today. Happy Father’s Day! Your son is dead. Are you coming? Not now? In the last twenty-two minutes… You’ve been staring at that brunette’s ass again and looking up Lulu Chu Case No. 7906243 – What’s Under The Jacket? And Mishell Lee from LOAN4K. If you looked up gifts the way you do porn. Your father should get a present considering the son you are. Right? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Dogging Slut (BDSM Erotica) Imogen Linn
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Again speaking of Impossible Things… Give Braxton his life back. Or make one for Virgil. I swear you have “foot in mouth” disease today. And you need a foot in your ass, to be honest. How many steps did you walk from the bed to the bathroom and back today? You weren’t sick. It was where I set the alarm. I thought it might; I don’t know. DO SOMETHING! Who are you, “John Q?” You’re Will B. Not that it means a damn thing, hmm? You can’t even call yourself a man. And no, that’s not you being all political or some gender mess. Titties! What did Clopin sing, “What makes a monster and what makes a man?” Well, answer. Even when Braxton was here, you had, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Good Grief: On Loving… E.B. Bartels
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

But you know something. I believe I was better. Is that a confession, consolation, or plain confusion about what it means to be? What about what you mean to B? You are his dad. And again, there is always Virgil Vivi. More like 309 days and counting, you believe. Please, not to be all Alanis Morissette but “You, you, you oughta know.” Because that is what a man does. A father, a daddy. And today is your day. Is it not? But to celebrate? Trust me… which is what all politicians say, sigh. You are in no mood. Virgil is here. And Braxton, in spirit. Suppose you aren’t too busy trying to make Virgil him. Do I believe in you? “SIGH.” Father, I B, V

868 Days Without B III, Day 309 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 350 ~V’s For Voting, Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

No ballots to read… yet. Even if there were, I’d read about dead fur babies or how much it will cost to see a chick’s nice big… Uh. I open my eyes, and I have a mini-election. Do I get up or stay down? Cry over B or let V out. V’s For Voting, Braxton

Friday, June 16, 2023

Saga 350 ~V’s For Voting, Braxton~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m voting for me and mine. That is to say, Braxton. Blacks, Browns, for Trump…

Fictionally. I don’t have a billion bucks. But if I did… I’m all for that paper. “Cash Rules Everything Around Me. C.R.E.A.M., get the money. Dollar, dollar bill y’all.” B and I are both for a strong border, like keeping people and dogs away from us. The only illegals here were the stupid. And we were both rooting for the Sith, the Empire, Yes, Star Wars. But in reality, “First, let me explain that I’m just a black man.” And, This Is America, ok. I voted for Biden and Democrats pretty much across the board. Ah, the politics of today. I didn’t mean to get all political today, but when I woke up with V here… Uh? “It’s me, hi, I’m the problem; it’s me.”

Braxton or Virgil? It would be Braxton without question at this moment and everyone hereafter. Again Virgil is here now, and no harm will come to him. I’m trying, Sophia. Though if today I was looking at the ballot to bring back B, stay with V, or join B dead… Existence or Life? Again I couldn’t tell you what it means to be alive. I still try doing Balance’s meditation. And the simple act of taking a breath is a challenge in and out, ha. Pain or pleasure? Sticking with the whole in-and-out motif. I woke up this morning feeling decent physically. But that’s until I felt a nugget of earwax in my left ear, so I’ll worry all day. Better to look at boobs…

Crime or cash? Aren’t they one and the same? But in this sense. Will I dole out more money to imagine some girl’s boobs… uh yeah, imagine… And what was I doing last night, hmm? Or will I do anything to make some bucks in a legit way? Well, I’m already late getting up, and that’s because, um… The Pic Phenomenon. And next week is going to be effed up. Stay in bed or go out to get food? I would choose the bed, as my stomach doesn’t guide me. No! I need to power my devices. More porn and more print. Kindle Challenge? Horrible. But I vote to keep going, much like Virgil. Why? “Now that the world isn’t ending.” V’s For Voting, Braxton

866 Days Without B III, Day 307 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 348 ~A W… B, V~

WillLeave a comment

Today’s saga is brought to you by the letter W. What for Will, writer, WINNER. Or is it B for Braxton, brothers-in-arms, or boobs? And V? Virgil, victory; I’m still a victim of food poisoning. I can’t miss work and watch Sesame Street. A W… B, V

Wednesday, June 14, 2023

Saga 348 ~A W… B, V~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. So I was hoping you could remind me to buy a piece of Sesame Street. You know all the letters. Maybe…

You know, since I’m talking to you right now, Inspector. The last thing I’m doing is sitting on my behind today, Wednesday. And can I not think about Jenna Ortega right now? Or, Isabela Merced, M Anime. Inspector, I cannot forget Ariela Dirty Latina Maids.

Weakness. I am weak, Inspector. And don’t worry; there will be plenty of time for women and sex. But what about my boy? Braxton, not Virgil. One more day wondering will I be in tears or not over him. But then there’s Virgil. How long did it take Braxton to win me over? Hell! I would say it was love at first sight. Is that true or not? Thinking Inspector. That only means I’m getting over Pizza Hut’s food poisoning.

Women. And no, I’m not blaming one. The Hell if I know who made that pizza from the bowels of Hell. But do I feel like a winner right now? Today or Wednesday? Not really. The thing is this. The moment I start feeling better, do I do anything useful? Well, I am talking to you for the next hour. So what did I do from 1:00 PM to 4:00 PM? Um, so, you see… As the song goes, “It was love at first sight” Thanks, Kylie Minogue… Leana Lovings. Inspector, in all fairness, I knew about boobs before my son. And instead of his memorial album, I’ve been working on a gallery of boobs. With what it took to get those… But my son.

Writing about my son. Inspector, every day like this one. When you know each and every second, I hate existing. There’s also exposure. I’ll continue singing “The Banality of Evil.” But I could be chalking up wins elsewhere. Or tomorrow, yeah, tomorrow is when the w’s will start piling up. And here’s a song “Here I stand, and here I stay.” To write like that? Inspector, if I could write anything that might be remembered somehow, someway. I keep talking to you and the girls, though. Won’t forget Braxton or the Man in the Mirror. Only I need to do something to help Virgil. For the love of everything, to do anything to save myself. Someday a writer, a winner. Helpless. A W… B, V

864 Days Without B III, Day 305 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 347 ~Baby, Me, B, V~

WillLeave a comment

“Baby, baby, baby, oh. Like, “Baby, baby, baby, no.” I don’t think I could be so “articulate” when Braxton was in my lap dying. And why am I complaining? A tummy ache, ear wax, and a few too many pills. Me and the boys… such babies. “Baby, Me, B, V.”

Tuesday, June 13, 2023

Saga 347 ~Baby, Me, B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, and besides writing books. There are my “businesses.” And possibly bending… breaking… a few laws sometimes.

Not that I have been thinking much about that these days. Now sure. I’ve been crying about Braxton a little more than usual. 863 days and counting… I’m not ashamed. Billionaires are big babies for the most part. Only it’s not my sinning, my love. It’s sickness. And we’re a week in or out… I don’t know. Every day I feel a bit better. Hmm… Like one of my “stars,” I ask. How do you want me? And everything within me says that I have to be a man: a boss, a father, a husband. I wear so many hats or heavy the head that wears the crown, whatever. My love, I’m getting the whole “Lap Pillow” trope. Again it’s my firstborn, as always. Braxton.

B would lie in my lap often enough. I was on his approved list of comfy spots. And that’s when I would call him “Baby B.” Besides, when I’d walk in the house. “Just me, Baby B.” Or I would call him “You Big Baby.” No wonder he liked lying there as I petted him. Yeah, I’m getting lost in nostalgia a bit. A time when I felt well. Because yet again, this past week… I’d be lying if I said I haven’t cried out of pain. Hurting, sickness, everything. And rather than a pillow… What kind of man am I that wants to be babied? I want to crawl into your lap for a while. Weak, weird? “Unconditional love for women, children, and dogs.”

“To Be A Man,” oh “My Love.” “My love, leave yourself behind. Beat inside me, leave you blind,” Would you sing to me? Hell! Can I hear you at all, Baby girl? Today I know I ain’t going to sleep for a bit. I’ve had my first energy shot in days (sigh). Not that I’m going to be any more of a man right now. From my stomach to my ear, and now the rest of my damn head. And did I forget all of the pills that I’ve been taking? Hmm? All I want to hear is, “Poor, sweet baby. Poor, poor, sweet, sweet baby.” Or to see my Baby B. Or feel like your man, baby. But I’m all… Baby, Me, B, V

863 Days Without B III, Day 304 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will