Tag: Lonely

Saga 302 ~Virgil, Let’s B Awesome~

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I didn’t understand love until Braxton, really… Let me add another word to that, awesome. Awesome was sitting in bed doling out fries to B. It was him sitting on the corner of the bed as I napped. It was being healthy. Someday Virgil, Let’s B Awesome

Saturday, April 29, 2023

Saga 302 ~Virgil, Let’s B Awesome~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I would be awesome. It wouldn’t matter the clock, the crime… this isn’t Australia…

See, or better yet, the C word I wanted to use there. I have all the respect in the world for women. But that doesn’t make me a good man. Or even a man at all, no matter how I try. “My life” ha-ha, my existence is Shiitake mushrooms. And yes, Lady Lunalesca, I did look up are Shiitake mushrooms good for dogs? Because it always comes back to Triple B. “Aaugh!” I would go all FML but no. I continue to exist. Braxton was effed over having me as a friend, father, and freeloader when it came to all his love, Lunalesca. What does all this mean? Hell! Not a damn thing, I know. But the first word that came to mind today… Awesome.

Yeah, I fell asleep during meditation. Relax, Lunalesca, I was supposed to. If I wasn’t going so broke at the end of this month. I am inclined to buy the full service? With a Happy Ending? Oh, I’m sorry, that’s a massage, right? Thirty-eight years and I’ve never had one. And I wouldn’t even have to be a billionaire, Luna. Certain celebrities? Lunalesca, I’m trying to avoid looking them up. Or even something simple as, Happy Tugs. The things in this world that I find awesome. Haven’t I always said that everything I want is Impossible, Inane, Insane… Illegal. Lady Lunalesca, God gave me everything I want. Nope! Not yet. Why not? But you know what? Having Braxton Barks back. Now that would be awesome.

“Everything Is Awesome!!!” But the question is when. What about how or why, Lady Lu? If, as Aloe Blacc sang, “Life’s a game made for everyone.” Let’s start. Easy Level. Lady Lunalesca, (sigh) Virgil would get off my leg. My only reason for getting out of bed today, I swear—another lie. I should get a haircut, go shopping, and keep myself alive for B. Yeah, I said B and not V. And did I say easy? I can’t say what I mean, Lunalesca, ever? How I hope that is a lie. Like I tell myself every time I crawl into bed. I’ll take a nap, or I won’t have to get up at all. In-between, Eff, I mean, uh, Awesome. Virgil, Let’s B Awesome

818 Days Without B III, Day 259 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 301 ~Braxton Booked V, NOT~

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If B wanted company, he’d call me before V. Dark? Well, the only books I’ve been reading have involved the dead. But I like dogs. Even now, I’ll say V’s a better “friend” than me to myself. But I have too much to read to leave. Braxton Booked V, NOT.

Friday, April 28, 2023

Saga 301 ~Braxton Booked V, NOT~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means Virgil will be alive for a very long time. “Always,” “Love?” No. Still waiting…

As in words, I’ll write or even say. I won’t kiss the top of Virgil’s head and say, “I’ll always come back for you.” That’s when I would get all sentimental with Braxton. And when I leave, do you remember, “love you B, love, you Braxton. Replace love with later. Inevitably, I’ll get Virgil’s name right too. Before he joins B… many years from now. These days, it’s a struggle to even get out of bed to read. Hell! To do anything but slave away. I wanted to tell the woman I was working with yesterday. I don’t fear dying. Please! As that song PEPPER goes, “They were all in love with dyin.'” I suppose only me, then. And not in the Shakespearian MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING sort of way.

Speaking of ways die (cough) orgasm (cough). If I keep looking at Alycia Debnam-Carey, SAINT X., Or Amy Acker doing MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING. I’ll die all in my shorts, ha. Not to mention that right there… The way I have been writing for God knows how long, Sophia. I’m ashamed. So, one more reason I shouldn’t be publishing novels, ever. Anyway. Why am I still alive if I won’t live my purpose? Remembering Braxton. Always and forever. But then there are other people’s successes as well. I see them daily. Only today, as I was watching movie trailers, wasting time. I came across one, Sophia. THE BALLAD of SONGBIRDS and SNAKES. I couldn’t bring myself to watch it, though.

But isn’t that how I was introduced to THE HUNGER GAMES franchise in the first place, Lady Sophia? I also have a thing for naked brunettes with ponytails/pigtails. Like Jennifer Lawrence, Aerith Gainsborough, or Azuma Hisato. Two other brunettes (fingers crossed). Now while I’m lost in one head, the other did like THE HUNGER GAMES, Sophia. Hell! If it isn’t Kindle/Amazon telling me what book to read. Yeah, it’s social media. I talked to Braxton yesterday. He wouldn’t like me reading all these books about losing fur babies daily. And if it’s not that, I should read the last in the Succubus series, SUCCUBUS 8 (RIDDLES and REVENGE). I must read before I can “see” and “hear.” Where’s Braxton’s book again? Braxton Booked V, NOT

817 Days Without B III, Day 258 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 300 ~To B Alive, Virgil~

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“What is real? How do you define ‘real’?” Um, sorry, Morpheus, but what is living? How do you define living? The way I figure, wife and children (two-legged). “My business?” “Cash rules everything around me.” Fame, fortune? My son. To B Alive, Virgil

Thursday, April 27, 2023

Saga 300 ~To B Alive, Virgil~

816 Days Without B III, Day 257 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? How about this question, B? What do you want to be when you grow up?

Big! Final answer? No. January 31st, on that day, your answer would have been, “Take me home.” And you would be my son, and that’s all that mattered to you. Afterward… whatever. Instead, in your bed, you asked me a question. Drugged, dying… “Why can’t I stay?” Braxton, I should do some more reading. “Pet Grief: How to Cope Before and After?” Yeah, I never read that stuff when you were around. Of course. Always and forever. Braxton, I was reading last night. The book discussed how I should replace the video of your death with “happier” memories in “my mind.” So as I risked life and limb today, I sat in the car and thought. You’re always riding with me. The pendant I wear…

Then I thought about Virgil sitting in your spots—the passenger side of your best friend’s ride. There’s him on the bed. And there’s your room. Your pillow Braxton. Dammit. Months later, and I’m still pissed about that. But Virgil’s petrified. Am I that bad… Thursday, I’m your Dad. 300 days of the Saga I continue to be. That is all and nothing more. Well, a pervert that wanted to eff the woman I was working with. Besides the point. As I keep saying. Most days I want to join you. Hell! All days. You won’t like this, but you have something in common with your granddad. Him living, you being dead B life sucks! Virgil feels the same way about me and him, sure.

Virgil is the life I should be worried about. He did well at his appointment. But with all the money I’m about to lose this week. Let’s start with forgetting to pick up any dinner. Don’t worry, you would have got your fries, or Virgil did. The little freeloader. Stopping! Anyway, I wish being broke was the only bad news. But it’s not like reading good news is doing me favors. Braxton, it’s like fate, karma; the universe can’t decide. You got me through 2020, Braxton. Now if it isn’t, the world is going to Hell; it’s all those angels I talked about with Echo. And today I saw Tobe Nwigwe got in a movie. Again I’m proud. But Braxton, I’m wasting “my life” existence… Alive? To B Alive, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 298 ~Loving B’s and V’s…~

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Don’t ever ask me about my business or my B. A lie. I could talk about both forever. One more reason for V and still looking for a woman… “‘Cause our love would be forever,” like the song. And I’m obsessive in trying to be polite. Loving B’s and V’s.

Tuesday, April 25, 2023

Saga 298 ~Loving B’s and V’s…~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. I wish I could say it’s because I loved B enough. Like V… Any other letters?

Loving B’s and V’s. Hell! I said after B, there would never be another. And being the prick, I am… There still isn’t. Love at first sight, indeed. I should have remembered that with B. I’m sure when you first heard me mention B, V. Well if I wasn’t talking about the boys; then it had to be my business. Color Me Badd… Yeah, here comes all the Pop Culture. From the idea that “I Wanna Sex You Up?” Well, I do. So why don’t I? 115 days still crying. There was a time I thought I would never have sex again. Penance, Punishment, Pressure. To love, somehow, something, someone as much as I do, my boy. I love you, our kids, and my business.

Dotting i’s and crossing t’s when it comes to business. Funny, I’d never tell you something like, “My business, my business. Stay the eff up out my business, ’cause it’s mine, oh mine.” Ludacris? really? I’m shocked that you decided to “Stay With Me.” Surprising. “Why am I so emotional? No, it’s not a good look, gain some self-control” Whatever. When it comes to my son. I can’t say that I’ve even given it the college try. He was mine. And yet when it comes to the “sin” that is this place. “Take me baby, or leave me.” Uh oh! I’m not worried about this. But it’s being a grieving father. My firstborn son… gone! Baby girl, I want you involved. But “On My Own.”

Minding my P’s and Q’s. As it isn’t right to be crying all the time. But grief, my love (sigh).
It’s sort of a forever thing. Like, love? And as the song goes, “But he talks like a gentleman,” and I try. But you have to realize I had no idea who I was until I was around 21, love. Only then, it wasn’t getting drunk. “You know you’re gonna have to face it, you’re addicted to love.” Last song? Anyway, it wasn’t between a pair of legs. It was a ball of fluff’s finding me. Let me rephrase, ha-ha. It was the puppy stepping on my head every morning. Polite? No. But my reason. He is love. You are loved. Loving B’s and V’s…

814 Days Without B III, Day 255 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 295 ~To B Thirty-Nine Virgil~

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V handles his shi… his business better than me. The vet says he’ll continue to at the tune of $125. But then the termite guy wanted $189. And as V “runs” to me, where did I run to… Some man, I am at 38. Yet I want a family. “To B Thirty-Nine Virgil.”

Saturday, April 22, 2023

Saga 295 ~To B Thirty-Nine Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… well, no. Neither am I thirty-nine at the moment. Or proud of myself? Love Virgil? Happy?

Hell! Today will sound like it’s for Inspector Echo. To wake up humiliated, Lady Lunalesca. I had a nightmare about what happened at the Day Job Thursday. Facts Luna, like this one. (Sigh), my son is dead. But Banfield called to check up on 2V today. No, that’s not a dig. They would check on B III all the time as well. Love, business, everything in between? B was/is my business. So where’s his novel, Lunalesca? You’re not Mary J. Blige telling me, “Why won’t you grow up and be a man someday.” I always say something to the tune of “Not Today.” We’ll get into not having a family after all this time. “What do we say to the God of Death? Not today.”

But at thirty-eight, what have I done with this existence? Notice I don’t want to say “my life.” I’m glad I’m listening to a meditation. Yeah, I’d be all into Jon Bon Jovi, you know. “It’s My Life.” One of my rules Lunalesca. Number Fifteen, I Take My Own Lumps. Lunalesca, you want to know what that means to me? Manhood, I suffer, fight, and love. Today, tomorrow, however many days I got left, I believe the epitome of manhood is fatherhood. The effing GOP? Or they want all women to be mothers and nothing more. It’s no secret I want a family. I’m paying $115.00 to ensure Virgil Vivi stays alive and well, $10.00 more in Braxton’s memory. I am taking care of business.

Remember the termite guy that “stole” that Bow from me during the inspection? Eff me! Anyway. So I, a thirty-eight-year-old man. I went and begged my “daddy” for compensation. And let’s not mention the lights, the water, the whole damn house! Lunalesca, I keep food on the table for V and me. There are the clothes on our backs, aren’t there, Lunalesca? I keep the car running. Not paid for, but it keeps going. I’m still alive. The Cherry Collision. and The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident? Lunalesca? Veterinarians ain’t cheap, but a bit less than keeping myself healthy. A man provides, Lu. I got access to sexy things and what’s dangling between my legs. Yet Braxton was/is the best man ever. To B Thirty-Nine Virgil

811 Days Without B III, Day 252 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 294 ~Braxton Booked It, Virgil~

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B found his escape. And while V isn’t my son, I’m not sending him into the unknown. That’s why he’s getting his vaccination today. So I’ll be reading his second vet bill. I’m worried about what I’m reading at the Day Job. “Braxton Booked It, Virgil.”

Friday, April 21, 2023

Saga 294 ~Braxton Booked It, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means AHEM, “Time Is On My Side.” Am I still dreaming, even at 10 AM?

I never dreamed that Braxton was dying that Friday, January 29, 2021. It always comes back to his death. Two novels, some poems, books about dead fur babies, and “chats.” But today, I’ll add a few more pages to Virgil Vivi’s medical history. If we’re lucky, we’ll come back singing “Die Another Day.” Tell the God of Death a thing or two, all “Game of Thrones” style. And why am I talking about people way more creative than me, Sophia? One more reason I’m not a billionaire right now. Or that Braxton didn’t see sixteen. Sophia, if I were a better writer, I would have been here with him. I would have noticed something was wrong. I’m sure my rage didn’t help that last week.

Well, my Indifference towards him anyway. Only I continue to feel such rage from Thursday. I’m only focused on myself, of course. A place I hate being at. And yet I can’t afford any trouble there. All the books I have, and yet I waste this existence at my Day Job. All because I would instead read and listen to the goings on yesterday’s Instagram. But a pink slip, ha. I have enough to worry about today; I was about to talk about a bank account over the health and well-being of Virgil. I need to keep a close eye on his paperwork, no doubt. More like I need to put one foot in front of the other. Thursday, I spoke of “The Long Walk.”

That’s something else I need to read, like The Green Mile, The Mist… Stephen King. Would Braxton be open to it? I know he wants me to get out of this bed and book it. And no. Not join him wherever he is. For real, though, I didn’t listen to Braxton when he was dying. And Virgil has so much more living to do. We’ll see what the veterinarian concludes. Lady Sophia, I am hoping for good news, always. One of the things that let me know I’m not a Republican. Because all I read of what they’re doing, I’ll say THAT SHIT IS WRONG! What do I know? I know I wouldn’t say I like reading my writing. And even Braxton Booked It, Virgil.

810 Days Without B III, Day 251 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 293 ~Braxton, Virgil, Twice Shy~

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Once Bitten, Twice Shy… A phrase? On my playlist? The reminder of a pup while at the Day Job. Hell! Why was I even there? B needed food, and he ain’t here no more. The other pup has an upcoming vet visit. The long walk? No! Braxton, Virgil, Twice Shy

Thursday, April 20, 2023

Saga 293 ~Braxton, Virgil, Twice Shy~

809 Days Without B III, Day 250 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I would be if you were still here. Or I had that billion, I promised.

I’ve always wanted to kill someone. Whoa, Dude! Is that your voice I’m hearing, or am I talking to myself? I have a lot of explaining to do. You know how that goes. The time… Okay, you’ll be happy to know that I didn’t spend all of it sleeping as is my way B III. Reveling in food, reading, and effing raging at myself for today. Two out of three. Anyway, how does that equate to me wanting to kill anyone? I’m always angry, Braxton. So, I’m sharing with the freeloader… Okay, Virgil. He tried taking my fingers off… with the food. Once bitten, twice shy, aha; continuing on. If I lost a finger, I’d never feed 2V ever again. And killing? I killed you.

I’ve always wanted to uh… Let’s say join you. The police and others have been everywhere these past few days. Add to that the manager. I don’t need cops at the door. And I need to stay employed. For what it’s worth. But B, the idea of death doesn’t bother me. No, not ever. Yours did, fair enough. But my own? I’d only have to be lucky once. It crosses my mind more and more. Despite numerous attempts. Hell! You were there, Braxton, watching—something else to apologize for. I’d say I’ve always wanted to apologize—every day. B III, the last time I thought I was dying… Well, I remember the day you died, Sunday, January 31, 2021. And now Virgil Vivi’s appointment (sigh).

I’ve always wanted to save a life, Braxton. And isn’t this it? One more tough week, and now Virgil sees a doctor Friday. It scares me to death. I wish. Virgil Vivi needs his vaccination. And what about this existence? Once more, I’ve felt all sorts of ill. Or should I say a Republican? Yeah, a member of the GOP. Once again caught doing something wrong by a black person. Um, watching dog videos at the Day Job. I keep saying it. I miss you! I’ve always wanted to bring you back to me. Only I’m not reading about reincarnation. Once bitten and all that. Having killed the one I love, how could I ever? You live in me. And Virgil? Braxton, Virgil, Twice Shy

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 291 ~Beauty, Brains, Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Let’s show some etiquette. Have I ever? I’m cursing, complaining, or crying about my boy. Then there’s the beauty, brains, breeding, and bounty of my blood. If the wife’s a goddess and I’m rich. Promises to B and V Beauty, Brains, Braxton, Virgil

Tuesday, April 18, 2023

Saga 291 ~Beauty, Brains, Braxton, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, but what do people like me do with all their time? Shooting, shitting on people. Sex…

Um, some things should be separate. What was I thinking? If anything, I’m trying not to. Hell! Isn’t that what meditation is; clearing one’s mind? Except Braxton is here as always. My heart? Since I’m in a movie sort of mood. As Finn put it in Great Expectations, the (1998) edition. “It’s my heart, and it’s broken.” And you know I’ve been trying to repair it for 807 days, the last count. Even though today is Saturday, April 15, 2023. Meditation has me motivated. Or maybe the lack of masturbation. But I’ve been edging plenty. Why should I do either when I have you, lovely baby girl, my darling wife? Saturday, tomorrow, Monday, now, I will mourn Braxton Barks. And all that time in between?

Beauty, Brains, Breeding, Bounty. Perfect for a “Cry-Baby” like me. If only I had time to watch the movie tonight. The two of us or the whole family. Does that mean Virgil as well? I’m still trying to figure him out. As well as myself, to be honest. Braxton, though; Braxton will always be my son. He couldn’t be more mine if he shared my bloodline. I fought with my old man once. Braxton knew my blood; I’m afraid to say. And you don’t want me to say it, but Braxton’s blood remains on my hands. I killed my effing family. Now that’s something I shouldn’t be saying out loud, but Triple B was/is my family. Today there’s you and them. Beauty, Brains, Breeding, Bounty

It won’t be a movie that lulls me to sleep tonight. I’ll need even more meditation. Sometime soon, I’m sure it will get old. But not my love, my lust, my dying from lack of you. Is that how you feel about me being the way I am, like my ideas of being a man? A husband, a father, and at one point, Braxton’s favorite. If a man cannot “afford” a family, then he shouldn’t have one. A man provides. So I have the bounty down; I always have. And I always will. Um, breeding, ha? You gave us such incredible kids, but… B III. He is my heart. You gave our kids Beauty and Brains. Love? You, kids, furbabies, always. Beauty, Brains, Braxton, Virgil

807 Days Without B III, Day 248 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 288 ~B, My Motivation, Virgil~

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I wonder how most adults do it. No, not that! I had Virgil kick me out of bed. I went and meditated. 2V went outside to handle business. I had some coffee (cappuccino), whatever. And bought food instead of boobs. Now writing? B, My Motivation, Virgil

Saturday, April 15, 2023

Saga 288 ~B, My Motivation, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Or I should be by now, seeing I’m almost thirty-nine. Emergence Day is several months off.

And I will cry over that with a steak and lobster on that day. But as usual, I want to cry over Braxton. You see what time it is, Lady Lunalesca? I’ve only sobbed once so far. And yes, a bit of it was about Braxton as I looked at the backyard today. Virgil… complaining? Well, he should. But once again, I let him drive me from the bed. I’d call him a thief. But haven’t I stolen his chance at a much better life? Lunalesca, are the Rebeccas terrible. Please! They love pets enough to be at PetSmart every Saturday looking for good homes. And yet my motivation was to get Braxton out of this place. Dare I say, where I am, was home?

Lu, this is the part where I’d play “A Place Called Home.” Or should I give you a taste of Vietnam, Lunalesca? “We Gotta Get out of This Place?” My writing? I need to write. That’s what I’ve been feeling. Because every day I have to head to the Day Job. It’s like I’m going to war. Madness, Sadness, Fearfulness, take your pick Lunalesca. Three? Lunalesca, if you’re talking about threesomes. And I’m a bit sorry that I’m going to. Cherry hates it. Oh! How I wish I didn’t care so much about sex, either. Talk about a driving force. Do you remember when I was all into the Marquis de Sade? I still am. Lunalesca, anything that keeps me in bed… Is that motivating?

“Lust is to the other passions what the nervous fluid is to life; it supports them all, lends strength to them all ambition, cruelty, avarice, revenge, are all founded on lust.” ― Marquis de Sade

It’s not like I’m thinking about love at the moment. Money? How much writing do I have to do, Lunalesca? I gave up a day off to go and make more of it. Pittance but dollars. More like “Dollar dollar bill, y’all,” as the kids say. Lunalesca, this morning (sigh). How much did I spend on groceries? Before that, it was my second account. And let’s remember Amazon. Hell! Even more books. And then I have a cart full of sex toys and the sickness. Luna, I haven’t mentioned The Cherry Collision. Or The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident in a while. Keeping myself alive and out of trouble? For now, it’s questioning is Virgil, Braxton’s voice, or strange girls’ vaginas motivating? B, My Motivation, Virgil

804 Days Without B III, Day 245 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 287 ~Virgil, Braxton’s Words Away~

WillLeave a comment

I don’t want to read more bad news. Day Job says you’re worth this? The GOP continues to be racist. Another brother dies, or is it some kids? Some people are above the law. My boy is still gone. And there’s always porn. “Virgil, Braxton’s Words Away”

Friday, April 14, 2023

Saga 287 ~Virgil, Braxton’s Words Away~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I would never stoop to building a “man cave.” A Study, Library, a Gaming Room.

Hell! After reading “Fifty Shades of Grey,” you know I want to build the “Red Room of Pain.” Being a billionaire and all. One day I want to own a brothel. But enough of that. Which is something I’m sure Cherry intends to say. And I’ve talked to Braxton’s Aunt. Only most of these days I’ve been distant. And it’s not like reading is taking that long. It would be a lot more enjoyable if Braxton were here. I was on the loveseat this morning. Oh, don’t get your hopes up. I wasn’t reading but practicing meditation once again, Sophia. More to the point, I wanted to get away from Virgil. That’s the only reason I bothered getting up at all. He took the bed.

What? I didn’t have the heart to move him, so that’s something anyway. Besides Sophia. Does Virgil want to lay beside me as I read about how much I miss Braxton being by my side and not him? And at this rate, I can discover plenty of books about losing furbabies. Well, as long as the Kindle Challenge holds. It was all “fun and games” until Kindle dictated what titles they wanted you to read. It’s kept me away from Triple B for sure. Either that or, as the song goes, these “pornographic passions. Did I mention getting back on Audible, so I could get a book that had cost $34.79? I got it for free with a membership. It’s “Fairy Tale: Succubus, Book 7.”

Because with eyes, at least, all I’ve been reading is “good,” bad, and ugly news. It’s effing everywhere. Last night, I told Braxton’s Aunt I’m always tired. “Close Your Eyes.” There’s always “Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah! Get up, come on, get down with the sickness!” If you want to know where I was the last few minutes. TMI, right? The world, I am, sick. Thursdays are the only time I can tell Braxton about it… I don’t even remember what I told him yesterday, to be honest, and today. There’s so much writing left to do. How much for the Day Job? And what if I say something STUPID? There’s “GULP.” And then Braxton’s books. Let Virgil have the bed. Virgil, Braxton’s Words Away

803 Days Without B III, Day 244 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will