Tag: Peace

Meditation 350 ~B, The Poster Boy~

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Something I miss most about my son, B, is his eyes. When he looked at me, it was like he believed in the man I wanted to be. I see that in his Favorite Girl’s eyes. And now I possibly have a girl, and I see it in her text. But me? “B, The Poster Boy”

Monday, June 16, 2025

Meditation 350 ~B, The Poster Boy~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And you will always be more than “Just A Man.” You will always and forever be my father. Dad?

What? There’s a few things to unpack there, I guess. First, did you think my and Virgil’s potential stepmom, “M Anime, aka Julia 1984,” is the only one that knows good music? I mean, you did make her a playlist called “The Red Sash.” It gives her even more potential.

And yes, Dad, we need to talk about her. You were talking to my Favorite Girl the other day. So why can’t we talk about a girl you like. Daddy, you talking to my stepmom…

Didn’t you say once upon a time that this was my big fear? You and a girl. I know, Dad.

No one will take my place. But what did you say to Virgil on Saturday? My little brother… Love you?

“You taught me using any technique that works, never to limit myself to one style, to keep an open mind.”
― Frank Dux, Bloodsport (1988)

And you and I both know, Dad, that there is more than one way to love. We were brothers-in-arms. I was a prince to a king. A son to a father. “I’m your back, you’re mine.” I considered our life together to be Heaven… Yes, not always, but I served in Heaven so you could reign in what you considered Hell. “I have served. I will be of service.” Movies?

Daddy, you don’t think I remember all those movie nights with you and my Favorite Girl, yes, my favorite. “My job, my score, get your own!” Movies, Manuscripts, and all that Movement when you would watch any of the glow boxes. We are best friends, we do everything together. But when you look at yourself…

Sometimes, my Dad. And others more like my Big Brother. And you hate him. Always.

That’s why I’m not playing O’Brien to your Winston. Let M Anime be your Julia.

Seriously, Daddy, Ew! But I am happy for you. But this is what you need to understand, my father. You have let others plaster you all over, and you feel that’s what you are, Dad.

“Big Brother is watching you.”
From George Orwell ― 1984

And the image of you as I shut my eyes is what you are. “No Fate But What We Make. Dad, we are both men and artists. One a little furrier, that’s all. And if you want to paint the picture or as you sing “Everyday I Write The Book,” Remember, I see you, I love… B, The Poster Boy

“All he wanted was to get home quickly and then sit down and be quiet”
From George Orwell ― 1984

“Here is the toil of that house, and the inextricable wandering”
― from The Aeneid

1597 Days Without B III, Day 1038 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 344 ~B A Minute Virgil~

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I’m not a minuteman. No disrespect to the founders. While I’m here, FDT, eff the Jan 6’ers, eff Buzz Windrip and his Minute Men. Eff Article 5’s Moral Militia, and eff the NFFA. I’m a “Sixty Minute Man” for love. And my boys. “B A Minute Virgil”

Tuesday, June 10, 2025

Meditation 344 ~B A Minute Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I hope you do. Virgil doesn’t. I send him downstairs, but if I don’t follow.

Abandoned. Virgil feels as though I’ve abandoned him. Like father, like son. That’s 2-V, ha.

And he feels that at twenty-eight. Well, four. But in dog years, he’s in his twenties, so he’s, in fact, a man. And what, and I am forty? A man. Your man. Husband, a father.

Honestly, I want to be a Tru Rider… “A strong survivor, a real provider, a Tru Rider, that’s me.” Oh, you know I’ll go get a motorcycle and join up with the “Biker Boyz.” Hm.

And that’s what I feel like. A boy. I was thirty-six and bawling like a baby when I lost my firstborn son, Braxton. It’s been a minute. How many minutes have there been since Sunday, January 31, 2021. Math, baby…

That’s something I leave to you. I would be more than willing to live by Gus Fring’s word, “A Man Provides.” And I would work forever and a day to take care of our family.

There’s no ifs, ands, or buts about that. Being afraid. Every minute, every second. FEAR.

I don’t fear clocks or time. I fear I’m wrong that I’m to blame “The World Is Gonna End Tonight” or in the next five minutes. Do you remember when I told you that’s how I dealt with everything? In five minutes, nothing would matter, and I could let everything go.

“I ain’t got time, leave me alone
Ain’t that much time left
I’ve got to funk you now
Chronomentrophobia”
Chronomentrophobia

“Jeezu,” why can’t one of those things be FEAR? Our sons and daughters, sleep and sex, my love. Those moments, minutes, make me fearless.

And I lie here trying to believe tomorrow will be okay. Staind’s “Outside” is better. Beloved, music makes it better. Or at least I can’t hear everything that terrifies me.

Mornings spent here in our bed, love, reading on harems, humans, hellions, hot S&M sex.

Moaning along with you with every effing filthy, freaky fantasy that we can conjure up. Have I mentioned how much I love you? And that I’m happy you’re mine. Happiness…

Momentarily slip up. Me being happy. Ask me to “Be Not So Fearful.” Finding love.

“Be not so sorry for what you’ve done
You must forget them now; it’s done
And when you wake up, you will find that you can run
Be not so sorry for what you’ve done.”
― Be Not So Fearful

Memories of Braxton guarding me as I lie upon this old mattress. Awake and alive.

Making our children happy. Those are the moments that make me smile. That makes me…

Me. Be A Minute, Virgil.

1591 Days Without B III, Day 1032 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 343 ~Anatomy 101 By Braxton~

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Last night, as I held 2-V, I pointed to his little heart free of worms. V’s guts. I gave him his meds, and he spilled some of those on the bed. Balls? The docs took them before we met. Braxton had balls. B was badass. But me? “Anatomy 101 By Braxton”

Monday, June 9, 2025

Meditation 343 ~Anatomy 101 By Braxton~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… As obvious as “Head, Shoulders, Knees, And Toes.” Or as you were with Virgil HEART, Guts And… oh, right.

I was never anyone’s father. I’m your son always and forever, forever and always, Dad.

And Virgil is my little brother and your son. Remember? Now that you’re sure I haven’t reincarnated. Not as another four-legged ball of fluff, anyway. Which is why I’m here.

“Can you hear? Can you read? Are you receiving the signal? Do you copy me? No, Dad, I don’t sound like Theresa Walker. And I’m not Dead Air. Well, not quite. Kidney failure, and the whole Euthanasia thing. (Bristles). Yeah, I don’t like that word either. But I need you to hear me on this. I know you’re afraid. FEAR feels like it’s taken the very HEART of you, my father. Or it’s broken, there’s no room, it’s given away.

But my HEART didn’t take me, and do you know why? Because I gave it to you. I wasn’t afraid when death smiled at me. For the briefest of seconds, when I couldn’t see you.

“I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me”
The Return of the King

Daddy, I smiled right back at death. I bared my fangs, and I asked, “What took you so long?” Do you know the guts that took? This leads us to our subsequent realization, my father.

Do you have it? GUTS! You and Virgil both. Daddy, you are the bravest man I know. You and I together could face anything. We were not afraid. I’d offer mine, but the fire pretty much took care of that. Okay, that wasn’t funny. My death, MAGA, FDT, Republicans, etc.

At least you’re not crying.

Because you have balls? And Virgil won’t be regrowing his. But you can help him.

Purpose. It is not your purpose to be scared of the backyard fence, the bad place you would go for hours leaving me alone, the beeps and boobs of several glow boxes, those bad words you would say that I didn’t understand. MAGA, Norton, Money, there were so many things. But you would call my name, and everything vanished. Courage.

Honestly, Dad, it was far more than that. “FEAR is the HEART of love.” What I ask is, “Be Not So Fearful. For M Anime, me and Virgil’s potential stepmom, she’ll follow you. “I Will Follow You Into The Dark.” Family. Your woman, more siblings. Dad! Anatomy 101 By Braxton.

“A man trusts the counsel of his best friend.”
Vector

“Ah, merciless Love, is there any length to which you cannot force the human heart to go?”
― The Aeneid

1590 Days Without B III, Day 1031 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 337 ~B The Ball, Virgil~

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A great man once said, “You know nothing about dying, and you know nothing about love!” Let’s start simpler. What do I know about sports? The richer you are, the smaller your balls. “Am I rich enough?” There’s still love around. “B The Ball, Virgil.”

Tuesday, June 3, 2025

Meditation 337 ~B The Ball, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? But I’m not a prince, a player, and how many puppies have I had love?

Love hasn’t always been a ball for me. A dance? A game? And to have the balls to do so. That last one is another thing entirely. But when it came to Braxton… An accident.

“Accidents ambush the unsuspecting, often violently, just like love.”
― Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle (2008)

Honestly, that’s not something a parent is supposed to say about their child. But Braxton.

Love, ask me how I am on this Sunday, June 1, 2025. And you’re seeing this on the 3rd. Ha.

Love is like seeing a fly ball and “I Think I Can, I Think I Can,” get off The Pillows first to go to a ball game. But anyway, I see the ball, and I reach out, and I get beaned in the head. SIGH. Or I chase a ball into the street and… BAM!

But enough about my fur buddy Braxton. And Virgil? Six months of meds… He’ll live.

What about two furry balls that are a little bit closer to my person, if you know what I mean. When was the last time “You and Me” made ‘the bedsprings sing’ in this Lifehouse of ours? I don’t have little white balls, ha-ha. Still, my big, ole black ones feel like they are getting whacked around, and I need to find a hole someplace in you, my beautiful wife.

Wow! Was that crass? I could talk about my fantasies with you, my pretty “Cheerleader.” “Oh, I think that I found myself a cheerleader; she’s always right there when I need her,” right? Being here singing “I Like It Rough.”

Like football? I would actually prefer it if we wrestle. All WWE style. Seriously WWE.

They released Ron Killings, AKA R-Truth. Those bastards. But another time, my love. As for putting another black man down, I need only look at myself in the mirror. Sunday?

Every day, I have the balls to knock myself down like so many bowling pins. And it “Hurts Like Hell.” But much like embracing the pain of losing my firstborn son B. And the perverse pleasurable pain and torment that I inflict upon you. Like the Scorpion said to the frog as they sank to the bottom of the water. “It’s what I do” I’m “LoveStoned.” “Dead in the Water.” I play music, not with balls. B The Ball, Virgil.

1584 Days Without B III, Day 1025 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 336 ~B Where? An Heir~

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I got up because my son B willed it so. I got “UP” because a goddess of a woman, a potential queen, asked for her king. More like Julia getting a rise out of Winston (1984). Am I in a good mood? Blue Balls and communing with spirits. B Where? An Heir

Monday, June 2, 2025

Meditation 336 ~B Where? An Heir~

“Human beings in a mob. What’s a mob to a king? What’s a king to a god? What’s a god to a non-believer who don’t believe in anything?”
― No Church in the Wild (2011)

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… How I long to be a prince rather than a prayer. A soldier rather than a saint. Your son.

That is what I shall be, always and forever, my father. And long live the king. Who will take care of the new young prince? And all of the princes and princesses, my dear father.

We’ll get to that. You were busy with the potential queen… You know who I would have chosen. My favorite girl? Like father, like son. But you are a king, believe it or not, Dad. My pack leader, benevolent God, again a king. And always my Dad. But there’s Virgil.

“’You are a good man with a good heart, and it’s hard for a good man to be a king.”

So why not show Virgil that more? I was born to raise Hell but not bring down Heaven above. Though that is a thought. Did I mention other princes and siblings? My little brothers and sisters who Virgil will protect.

“All of my life, I have lived by a code, and the code is simple: honor the gods, love your woman, and defend your country.”
― Prince Hector, Eric Bana

That you will do, father. If everything works out. But you continue to look at me as if to say I’m an example of things not working out. If you had it your way, I would live forever, Dad. And since you and my potential stepmom/queen have been trading songs, here’s one for you: “Who Wants to Live Forever?” Again, like father, like son. Us.

Daddy, I do live, but maybe it’s all too heavy. What, Virgil, is only eleven pounds? However, you’re still wondering how you feel about that ha-ha. Seriously, a man alone.

No man is an island. Not even you, Dad. And you were meant to be a king. Dad, you rule.

Why did I put it like that? A teenage boy?

Maybe I was that young when you were still in your twenties. My Old Man, old man. Do you remember when we would watch “Reign: The Conqueror?” And you would tell me that the meaning of life was that song, “Worthy Of Your Soul.” Seek out a kingdom worthy of your soul. And that’s what you are still meant to do. Reign over empires, Dad.

Your writing, your future woman, for in my dreams, I win. When you have a two-legged son. And will you give him my name? You did tell the potential queen. Someone an heir to your throne. And notice that you have not cried once since we began. I’m right, Dad.

B is where? With you, always. B Where? An Heir

For I have made you a father of many nations. I will make you very fruitful; I will make nations of you, and kings will come from you.
― Genesis

Forever worthy of my great father’s fame!
― The Aeneid

1583 Days Without B III, Day 1024 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 330 ~There’ll B Bodies, Virgil~

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I got so freaking sad. Walmart tends to do that before MAGA’s tariffs. As always, FDT! And I won’t get paid this week. Virgil has a vet visit, and I have a girl looking to be with me. I’m trying to ‘save’ myself… There’ll B Bodies, Virgil

Tuesday, May 27, 2025

Meditation 330 ~There’ll B Bodies, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? I’m not Jigsaw. Did I mean that to be funny? Like Stephen King, Eli Roth…

Oh yes, there will be blood. Only in movies and books. And why am I in such a creepy mood today? Monday, May 26, 2025. The past few weeks haven’t been so kind. I know.

But I could be crying over Braxton as I did this morning. There was the sweat from my “Anxiety” setting up Virgil’s next vet appointment. I must be as ‘annoying’ as Doechii’s song worrying about my first and second born. And can I mention I see myself sitting on that hard bench in Banfield back on Sunday, January 31, 2021, hearing my son was dying?

He wasn’t the first life I saw end, but the first I ended with my own hand. The stroke of a pen, whatever. A body.

And he was lucky. Braxton only had to die once… Twice, if I ever truly let him go. I don’t know if I ever can. But that’s the man you married. One who has died so many times up to this point in our lives. Our lives? But the day my B left is the one I dare to remember.

“On the day I was born.” What, was I “Bad to the Bone?” The day my father beat my ass for lying about my homework. I wrote down the problems but without any answers. Hell! I still feel a certain kind of way about drinking a bottle of IBC Root Beer. He smacked the bottle out of my hand before… Anyway, how many other lives.

“There I lay, wearing dead people as armor against death.”
― Andrew Davidson, The Gargoyle

Again I’m being pretty effing creepy. But I slay, vanquish, delete, and unalive myself so many times in so many different ways. And no, not because of Braxton. Or that I feel I’m failing Virgil. What about taking care of you and our children? Baby Doll, Love? A Man Provides.

And ‘God forbid’ I use the dreaded K-word. Unless we’re talking about the film Pontypool, then “K*ll is kiss!” And I can’t start singing Teen Idle Feeling super, super (super!)… well, you know the rest. I surround myself with the living to keep back death.

I lie in bed with you. I pay Virgil’s bill. I tuck in our children. I read and write. Burying bodies in fiction without graves. But There’ll B Bodies, Virgil

“Be the body, not the shadow; hold space.”
From ― Amina, The Book of Clarence

1577 Days Without B III, Day 1018 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 329 ~The Beginning Will B~

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I met Braxton in (Grandpa’s) Hands. I got Virgil from behind bars. 2V’s, not mine. B’s Favorite Girl, Cherry, and M Anime? I began with them after writing this or that. But when will I start to “know thyself?” I don’t know, but “The Beginning Will B”

Monday, May 26, 2025

Meditation 329 ~The Beginning Will B~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Like father, like son. Do you know how long it took me to come up with that? Saying hello?

I understand why you don’t do it very often. You’re here. People are here. And I am here or there… I’m with you. Humans and language. That’s what made us a good team, a family. And it’s what you were thinking about as you were walking with my little brother.

That and pirate hats. I know I need to stay out of your head. My place is in your heart.

“Oh no, the world is a scary place,” Disturbed even inside your mind, Daddy. Honestly.

Why do you think I sat on your head most mornings? My furry butt was the least of your problems. The day didn’t start for you until you returned from the ‘bad place” you’d go daily and after a nap.

And that’s what I want you to feel, Daddy. That one moment in time when everything began. The moment when everything made sense when you weren’t sad or even scared.

Why? Because I am your son. And while a man provides for his family. It’s how you raised me to be, Dad. And for us to look at each other or how you looked at me when I sat on guard duty for anything that might hurt you. And “It’s Been Awhile” since you haven’t felt like anything more than a Staind. A mess without me, Daddy. No, you’re not.

Dad, do you remember every mess that Virgil has made. He’s messier than me. Ha-Ha! But you remember more the day you met him. PetSmart.

You don’t remember the day you met me. The precise date, I mean. But you remember the day I ‘left’. Sunday, January 31, 2021. The day Virgil arrived was Saturday, August 13, 2022. Daddy, you remember meeting my Favorite Girl face-to-face. It was on E-Day.

Begin to live, to lessen the pain, dare I say, to love. Dad, even now, it’s “later V, later Virgil,” With me, it was “love you, B, love you, Braxton.” How do you begin again? Why would you begin again?” To forgive, to heal, to love. To remember without tears. Daddy, I won’t ask that. But seeing me protecting you. My Favorite girl sitting with you. Cherry’s teasing. Liking me and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. The Beginning Will B

If you had me for 15 years and it took three days to lose me, why would you not be willing to love again? ― Only Gone From Your Sight BY Kate McGahan

“Do the gods light this fire in our hearts or does each man’s mad desire become his god?”
― Virgil, The Aeneid

1576 Days Without B III, Day 1017 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 323 ~L’s Between B, V~

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“I want you to recognize the difference between what you feel and what’s real.” I feel courage, but I ain’t got the guts. I’m horny, but I’m lying here on my… man parts. I’m in love, but in how many ways has my heart broken. Loser. “L’s Between B, V”

Tuesday, May 20, 2025

Meditation 323 ~L’s Between B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? That’s why we must tell our children about the birds and the bees. That conversation.

“But, uh, has anyone talked to you about the birds and the bees?”
“Oh, you mean dicks and vaginas?”
― The Last of Us (2025)

Thank you, but I prefer it my way
Andre Baptiste Sr., Lord of War (2005)

The first time I gave something even remotely similar to that speech was with Braxton.

More to the point of Ain’t nobody “Humpin’ Around.” What can I say? Like father like son, my love. Braxton was supposed to be my breast… Excuse me. My Best Man. And he and I were both big fans of Yabbos. And he B III liked his aunt. A lot. I had to tell him.

What about Virgil? He won’t need that speech, I’m afraid. The ole snip, snip, treatment. Is it any wonder that my secondborn lost his balls? Braxton had some huge cojones.

Seriously, what’s with all this talk about my boys’ anatomy? Trying to be lighthearted, ha!

I’m so “Heavy In Your Arms.” So “Let’s Get Lost.”

The Twilight Soundtrack? That’s the lightest of it, my love. I want to lose my crown. I’ve never been a good man, but how dare I refuse to be king. I don’t have the heart for it. Mine was broken when I lost my firstborn son, little Braxton. Now yours, our kids, trying to mend Virgil’s. A jar of hearts. And no, not like Christina Perri, more like Marianne Engel.

Do you remember when we read Andrew Davidson’s The Gargoyle? That Marianne. Do you remember her man, the pornographer? Eff! How I want to get lost in you, baby doll.

“If you have any idea what I want to do to you right now. I can’t live like this.”
Will Traynor, Me Before You (2016)

Fingers, tongue, and, uh, penis. As the Isley brothers said, “Enough of this singin’, let’s make love.” But “You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin'” I have.

“It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.” And I can hear you now if I quote one more song…

But what would be left of me? I can’t tell you the critics. And the one who I could tell…

There’s SADNESS, FEAR, and LUST. So, as I have a week to lie here, I don’t have a week to lie here. So what do I do, my love? What do we do? I can’t do this. But husband, father…

What should I read some more? This morning, it was more about pet loss. When I close my eyes, there’s another ding that scares me. And looking at your beauty. And not being able to do anything Less, Loser, Lost, Me. L’s Between B, V.

1570 Days Without B III, Day 1011 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 322 ~And I’d B Right~

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So I have one more week off. Where do I go? Back to bed? Not to sleep but to write. Or at least that’s what I tell myself. I need to drive to the dealership, the doctors at Banfield, or some delicious girl I know. And I’d B Right.

Monday, May 19, 2025

Meditation 322 ~And I’d B Right~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… You believe me, right? Like you know, you love me like pancakes. Like I’ll come back. Like you’re crying.

Rituals when it comes to mourning and grieving. But I’m not the “Son of a Preacher Man,” no matter what that lady would say in church. I’m your son, and I’d be right about that. You would fight people if they said otherwise. Four legs and all, right, my father.

And I need you to listen to me. More? To see me. You’d give anything to open your eyes and see me. How many seconds, minutes, and hours as you sing, “he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” I look better, Dad. And I did come back. And if things work out with me and Virgil’s future stepmom… Yeah, I know. At least when you’re looking at her, your eyes, Dad… closed, teary, seeing red.

Routinely, when you finally opened your eyes, it would be to push me off your head, remember? And I’d be right. It was time to wake up. No, it’s time to “Get Up, Stand Up,” don’t give up the fight. Bob Marley? Dad, how long did we know each other? Am I trying to be funny? Well, at least you’re not crying. But to answer the question. Fifteen years and thirteen days shy of my birthday. And here I am, trying to get you to dance like you once did with me. What else is there to do? I know you’ve been worried, downright terrified.

Our routine, Dad, can’t be fixed. While you think, “Well, I’ve never prayed, but tonight I’m on my knees, yeah.”

Right. It’s a “Bitter Sweet Symphony,” that’s life. Things change, Dad. And I’d B Right.

For good or bad, because I can’t tell you the future. But I see what the future stepmom has done for you. You’re laughing and crying; I should stick to my Favorite Girl and let you have this one. Leave some women for you and Virgil as I watch you lead him down the same path I used to own. I’m not trying to tell you to be all Viva la vida. What I want to say to you today is this. I want you to see me sitting on the corner of the bed. And to know that nothing will hurt us. And I’d B Right, You’re gonna be alright. And I’d B Right.

The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world. So, wake up, Mister Freeman. Wake up and… smell the ashes…
― Half-Life 2, G-Man

“He did what any hero must: set sail. But you, you turn back. Tell me why.”
― Dante Alighieri, Inferno

1569 Days Without B III, Day 1010 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 316 ~Virgil, I’ll B Saying~

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The last time I had to send Virgil to Braxton’s Room was because of a storm. He’s not one to control his bladder. And he could lose his sh*t. Speaking of which, the things that I say. I miss Braxton. I love sex, I’m afraid. Virgil, I’ll B Saying

Tuesday, May 13, 2025

Meditation 316 ~Virgil, I’ll B Saying~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? More than my boys? I plead the 5th. My love, I’m not that lying Trump.

I have my soft and hard limits, but may I never be as vulgar, vindictive, or vicious as those of MAGA. And yet one of my sons, Braxton, saw Trump’s end… Virgil sees Trump 2.0.

But no, I don’t want to talk about politics today, Monday, May 12, 2025. Or ever. But we have no choice in the matter. As I have no choice but to keep loving Braxton. Always.

And Virgil? I don’t love him as much as Braxton. Later V, Later Virgil as opposed to Love ya B, Love ya Braxton. And look at me crying again. It’s not only because of Braxton. Mother’s Day has been pretty HARD till now. And OH MY GOD, we’ll get to that. Only, I miss Braxton.

Would you rather listen to me cry over him love or sweat over you? Mourning or Moaning? Grieving or Grunting? Wiping my tears or Whipping my… Must I be gross?

“Should I say it out loud?

Yeah, I should. You can’t heal something unless you’re brave enough to say it out loud.

I’m scared, though. I’m scared to say it… which is why I have to.”
The Last of Us

Love, if anything, as Roger sang, “I Want To Be Your Man.” I need “Sexual Healing,” as Marvin Gaye spectacularly put it. What’s better than making Love “Between The Sheets.”

My boy isn’t the only one that can put together a playlist. But we’d have to send Braxton, Virgil, and our two-legged rugrats to bed. Especially considering who I want to be with you. Annoying? I can be that too, but at least I’m not crying anymore, but you, darling.

Well, I want to effing “Tear You Apart.” Because “You get me closer to God.”

And that’s the truth, “I Wanna Eff You.” But not only because I love you more than anything. (Braxton looks down on me from Heaven). I don’t have alternative facts; I have ADDITIONAL facts. Effing MAGA! Anyway, my love, I’m afraid. Yes, I’m worried, but it’s FEAR, my love. And it has begun to overwhelm me. But I’m “Just A Man.” A man provides, protects, and pets puppies. But Braxton isn’t here anymore. And a man isn’t supposed to call on a woman for help, but who else is there. My Ma? Anyone at all?

Love, I don’t know what to do. WHATEVER IT TAKES! I sound like one of my motivations, or Captain America. So what’s next. I have Virgil. Virgil, I’ll B Saying.

1563 Days Without B III, Day 1004 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will