Tale 342 ~Virgil, B Before Stupid~

I’m stupid before I begin to be. Setting one foot out of this bed is the dumbest thing ever. Other than looking up “Stuff & Thangs” on the phone. But what’s a guy to do? The next Hunger Games isn’t out until 2025. To see it… “Virgil, B Before Stupid”

Friday, June 7, 2024

Tale 342 ~Virgil, B Before Stupid~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… I could tell you 52 stories. Well, 23 this year. I could offer something of value.

And I will, Sophia. You’ll get a “Meditations” review. Even though I don’t feel well. That’s both physically and mentally for once. So, I should tell you the story of how I got here. That’s a long story. And I only have four hundred words. To be a better man… Anyway, the short story is… Braxton is gone. He passed. He was Euthanized. The truth…

Turns out critics don’t want the truth. But neither do the people they criticize, Sophia. Dear Lady, is that the reason I haven’t started on my autobiography? One more fear…

No! Last night, I was far too busy moaning OMG into my pillow. Looking at surprise, surprise, some lovely brunette on my phone. Fantasies? You deserve an honest book review:

Meditations… Because When In Rome

When in Rome… But I wouldn’t give the glory of that empire five stars. Yet Marcus Aurelius indeed makes it worth four stars with his work Mediations. His work, wow. If only he knew. If only I knew. I’m still trying to find that key to fifty million fables. But this book is a good place to start. I think… That’s the thing, I guess. Because I had to stop so many times to copy his quotes. At times, I was overwhelmed, which he was too, with this. And while I would share it with my friends… It wouldn’t necessarily be this version. “Context” is great. The Introduction had me ready to quit. Which would have been a big mistake.

I’m sure people will say my “life’s” work is one big mistake. But they’ll use far more colorful words. You know, I want to. But as I sat at the Day Job yesterday, the title of my autobiography came to mind… “B Before Stupid.” My son Braxton was/is my existence. Every page of this existence is filled with memories of him. His loss has left a gaping hole in my heart, yet to be filled.

But yesterday and this morning, after I finished being disgusting. I wanted to join Braxton. Sigh. Sophia, a fur buddy and a “good” girl, is all I want. But my BIII is gone. And 2-V?

Women… Uh? You know me. So does Cherry. I read her story this morning… Awkward

Don’t go throwing Little Shop of Horrors and Japanese anime into the same Crock Pot.

I should follow my own advice. Virgil, B Before Stupid.

1223 Days Without B III, Day 664 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 339 ~Virgil, To B Apart~

“I know you were right, I can’t be fixed.” Tell that to Virgil. He got stuck with broken me. Is it good that I’m nuts because he doesn’t have any? Jokes aren’t getting us any closer. And Braxton’s further away. Women… Ha-Ha. “Virgil, To B Apart”

Tuesday, June 4, 2024

Tale 339 ~Virgil, To B Apart~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… But those three little words, “I Love You,” are so far apart some days, love.

And I’m trying to figure out how to push them back together every day. Somehow. Taking Braxton’s ashes, with a bit of his fur and whatever else he left of himself, isn’t going to bring him back to me. Ladders can only go so high. Or how low I would have to go. That would be easier. But I’m still picking up the pieces of my broken heart. This mess

Those pieces are stopping me from finding the way to Hell. And looking into those pieces, do you know what I see? All the parts of this existence I love. Again, my love, I try.

But I’m no good with fixing things around the house. I couldn’t fix Braxton. What about our marriage? Not broken

Love has so many new parts now. Gigantic! A big, big love! Did I say that out loud? I can’t be that far gone when I want even more babies. If you’re up for that, my love. And isn’t that the whole point of existence? I believe that love is the answer. You know. Ha-Ha.

More to the point, the meaning of life… Seek out a kingdom “Worthy of Your Soul.” OK, I’ll turn the music off. But it’s a part of who I am. Only there are bigger parts. Um, well, you know that Baby Girl. OK, I’ll stop. But you would rather have me revved up than crying.

But I cried the whole time. Doesn’t matter had… relations.

Lies and jokes, my love…

I’m trying to find more parts of myself to help build us. And then there’s B III—boy, dog, son.

I want him to see from Heaven, The Rainbow Bridge, or wherever he ended up. My love, I need an existence so big that… What, he’ll find his way back? He’ll see my kept promise?

If I could love you, our family, and even Virgil so much, somehow, I could find my way into Heaven or build one for us. It takes so much. There are so many moving parts.

I have to get moving and start finding those parts. Lest Braxton and I, you and I, Virgil and I never find our way together. Humpty Dumpty. Fix. Even it out. Virgil, To B Apart

1220 Days Without B III, Day 661 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 338 ~Height And Weight, Equally Evil~

The question once wasn’t a man or a bear. There were two questions. How tall are you? And how much do you weigh? The reactions while I’m all, “Whether short or tall, we wanna thank you all for letting us… (do stuff).” Height And Weight, Equally Evil.

Monday, June 3, 2024

Tale 338 ~Height And Weight, Equally Evil~

Three-Hundredth And Forty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice
Rules are made to be broken… And some don’t need to be talked about. Or I’m not in the mood. In the mood…

A woman once asked me if I always carry that… “lovin’ feelin’.” The truth is, yes, Ma’am, even in the face of the unbearable loss of my son, Braxton. There were 161 days of emptiness. I tried “filling” that void with OnlyFans, and then one evening, looking at Chloë Grace Moretz, I… (Cue Homer drool).

She’s as old as Cherry. And the thing is this. I would do precisely the same thing with them both, Madam. How you like that! But it’s better to keep my hands on the keyboard.

As I mentioned, I’m not in the mood, but I’m a hypocrite. Since my indifference led to my son’s departure to The Rainbow Bridge, I Feel Everything. I’m constantly battling with anger, sadness, and a strange mix of emotions. Things that make Pretty, pretty girls go… Eww! Rage, Depression, Lust…

Please, Madam, which is good, that makes the others evil.

Why is it okay to indulge in one and not the other? Like the unnamed narrator of Andrew Davidson’s novel, The Gargoyle, “I am an equal opportunity misanthropist.” That’s okay.

But amid this paradox, in this day and age, to quote George Orwell’s book Animal Farm, ‘All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.’ However, instead of delving into politics, societal issues, or my insignificance… I choose to focus on my two boys. Friend and Freeloader…

Braxton and Virgil are both my boys. But Braxton was/is my son. Virgil’s here, Madam. Even at 660 days, I don’t know what to make of him. But Little B III is frozen in time.

Always and forever, I’m his Dad. But a dog owner…

So let’s talk about me. If a girl asks my height, she’s allowed to do so. If I ask her weight, I’m rude. But I would do the same thing to Piper Niven as to Roxanne Perez. Now, if I could have them both… I know I need to stop, Madam. “Oh, there ain’t no rest for the wicked.” But what makes me wicked? Who says that about me? Do you want a list? Ha!

If people want me gone, that’s okay. But if I agree, suddenly, I need help.

If I have money, I’m a player; without it, I’m a per… Anyway, if I want everything, I’m greedy. If I want nothing… I am. Height And Weight, Equally Evil

“A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1219 Days Without B III, Day 660 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 335 ~Sick Of B, Virgil~

I miss my earbuds, and I hate my Day Job. But today, I’ve been listening for any “mess” to hit the floor from Virgil. And I’ve been reading a book by a Roman Emperor. Braxton is still “up there” somewhere, as tall as a king. “Sick Of B, Virgil.”

Friday, May 31, 2024

Tale 335 ~Sick Of B, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… but it’s not like something from Pixar or Disney. As if I’ve been keeping up, I’m so exhausted… or just lazy…

Dare I say, well read? But I am tired. I didn’t read when my aunt was in the hospital, so I was well aware of the news of her passing. I also kept my book away when my Ma was having heart troubles. Was I being a good son? Or did I not want to be rude at all? Hmm?

This brings me to my son… Uh, “sons?” On Friday, January 29, 2021, I wrote about Succubus Lord 7 and how I was on 8. You know where I was on the 31st, right, Sophia?

I was watching my son Braxton breathe his last. If you’ve ever wondered why, out of all the titles I have. I constantly listen to this Eric Vall series, Sophia.

Today, I will talk about Logan Jacobs’s book Backyard Dungeon 10. I’m surprised I’ve found the time with my other boy. I swear I paid so much to save my Little B III. But well? Yeah, his last bills are sitting on the coffee table. And I’m reading another one for Virgil, totaling nearly $300.00. But not for his current illness, which seems to be dissipating. A stomach bug? I don’t know, but I was not running behind V when he made a move. Uh?

Because I’m a bad dad… I’m sure Braxton is somewhere saying, “No, you’re not.” Sophia? Would Braxton say, “You’re a good dad. Say it!” For now, if he speaks to me, it comes through Marcus Aurelius’s Meditations. But review time:

A Ten for Backyard Dungeon?

Nah! But four out of five stars, at least. Why? I’ll tell you why. There are plenty of authors, just like Logan Jacobs. Eric Vall, A.J. Markam, Michael Dalton, Neil Bimbeau, I could go on. It’s not like I’m a connoisseur or anything. Backyard Dungeon, hmm? Personally, my favorite part would be Dorrem going to the capital. Being one to suffer from anxiety myself, it was new and somewhat uplifting to see a character coping, too. Next to that, Eddie and Gwen… Eddie and his wives? But Eddie’s a redneck…

I should say more, Lady Sophia, but I must ensure Virgil isn’t making more messes. My head hurts learning from Braxton these days. Ignorance is bliss? Sick Of B, Virgil

1216 Days Without B III, Day 657 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 332 ~ They’ll B Things, Virgil~

Tell me that I could have Braxton back, and what thing would I give up. The phone, my por… my relationship collection. How about having an Enormous… uh. Well, I’m sure the Future Wife would miss that. But They’ll B Things, Virgil

Tuesday, May 28, 2024

Tale 332 ~ They’ll B Things, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… I love you. Much like “I am happy.” Such words do not come cheap or…

At all. When was the last time I told Braxton I love him? I’ve been more inclined to talk about time travel. Today’s Tuesday, May 21, 2024. By now, it’s been 1213 days without him.

And how many days since there’s been no word about him? I’m sure I screwed up somewhere down the line. It’s why his bed, toys, bowls, medicine, and comfy spots remain. My son’s things. I’m still mad about the very floor he once walked. Flooded. I wore glasses that finally gave up the ghost and broke. So now it’s like I have to see things as brand new. Even the DISH Network service he watched is gone. Yet another humiliation.

Watching wrestling and “other” things. The secrets I’ve tried keeping.

Not that I miss Braxton. Or that Virgil and I haven’t bonded in 654 days. How about the fact that our marriage, my love…? You and me, always and forever. Nothing changes that. How about the fact that I miss my Braxton so much? It makes me want you more.

It’s Physical Touch, Touch Starvation, Touch Deprivation, or my favorite, “Skin Hunger.” But I’ve said, “Everybody know I’m a… monster.” Zombie from S. Wolf’s novel.

And I believe I’ve had a revelation, my love. You know the things I want to do to you, baby girl. “I Want’a Do Something Freaky To You.” That is a secret kept from Braxton.

I once heard that when you want knowledge, money, success, or whatever, as badly as you want air. It is then that you’ll have it.

Only I can’t imagine wanting anything more than my son back. And to lose everything that I have seen my son tirelessly defend. The fence, the house, all of my little Braxton’s things, my love.

It’s why I deny myself. Everything, old and new, borrowed and blue. Haven’t I been saying I don’t feel like much of a man lately? But I’m your man. Again, always and forever. My love.

But the present is the thing. Love is a gift. A thought of caring like, Happy Birthday Cherry! The things I wanted from her. What I want from you, love. And V. To be happy.

We get that ourselves. The thing is, my Braxton’s still gone. They’ll B Things, Virgil.

1213 Days Without B III, Day 654 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 331 ~Harder To Breathe Up Top~

Will you breathe? Will, breathe. More like, “Daddy, breathe.” Because when my furry little boy died, I didn’t plan on it. But I’ve managed for 1212 days. There are always more books to read. Or babes to look at. But to exist? Harder To Breathe Up Top

Monday, May 27, 2024

Tale 331 ~Harder To Breathe Up Top~

Three-Hundredth And Forty-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice
Rules are made to be broken… Some people cancel them outright. Some are forgotten about. And still, some will evolve into, well, anything.

It makes my head hurt, along with the time travel. I’m speaking to you on Tuesday, May 21, 2024. However, when this rule was written out, I traced it back to 2018. I mean, wow!

I figured I’d be in another place entirely. Braxton would be twenty next year. And that’s when I expected to lose him. That is if he didn’t lose me by smothering me with his fur.

So what’s making my head hurt now? Why am I breathing when I don’t really want to, Madam? Let’s start by raising my head in the morning. The first breath that enters my lungs. It’s either my Braxton’s name that comes out. Or expletives from my mourning or moaning. Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This.

I’m glad I covered the mirror in the bedroom. But there is the black mirror, AKA the phone, on the table beside me. I hold my breath, looking at the beauty of others. My mind.

Inevitably, I will find other ways not to breathe and instead sound like the zombie I imagine I am. The moans of newly found flesh.

Did I really just say that? And what’s worse is the look on my face when I say or do such things. Taking OnlyFans pictures.

But I could be so exhausted that whatever… risqué book I’m reading falls and hits me in the face. How many times has that happened?

And yet I live. My head stays intact. Breathing away and denying my fondest wish.

What? To follow Braxton wherever he went. The Rainbow Bridge? I am Braxton’s father, but if I had been even more of a man… Would he have lived? I keep asking myself that, Madam. I wanted to be a man of money, merit, and miracles. I would build our Heaven.

There would be no air because we would have everything, and no one could touch my son or me. And yet he found it. I suppose. My B III is sitting in his bed on the vet’s table, not breathing. As for me? When was the last time the “bigger head” has been up? Uhh…

There’s plenty of air as I fall Down To Earth. Nobody but Virgil and I. Harder To Breathe Up Top

“A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1212 Days Without B III, Day 653 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 328 ~Parenting B’s and V’s~

Not to sound like certain people, but manhood equals fatherhood. I go back and forth over men I admire. Some fathers. Still others could provide for their own home. I gave Braxton all I had. Virgil? By providing book reviews? “Parenting B’s and V’s.”

Friday, May 24, 2024

Tale 328 ~Parenting B’s and V’s~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… This is a story about being a Dad… Oh, right! What about being a son? Uh?

Braxton is gone, and I’m thirty-nine. But B will always be my son. And I still have my Olds. But what kind of man am I? What would Virgil name me, Sophia? Just “Some Guy”

Yeah, someone who was so busy hating the world that I forgot to show love to my son, B III. I was indifferent. Is that how my Olds were? As long as I don’t embarrass them. Then, Everything Is Awesome? When I was a child, Sophia. What’s My Age Again?

Humiliations Galore, my lady. I’m the one who can’t pay his cable or satellite bill. Whatever, I wasn’t watching it a lot. And what I watched. Geez! How about reading?

Yeah, my tablet hit my face while reading about… sin.

And no, I’m not talking about the Bible. I don’t look to any faith to make me a better man.

You know, the men I look to as role models. Any guy that’s buried… not in the dirt, but let’s say, in something pretty has my vote. And no, I’m not talking about the hush money payments guy. Why can’t I be Eddie Hill? Or Ethan from Bikini Nights. Review:

Bikini Nights For Papa Bear:

Bikini Nights has issues. Mommy, Daddy, and Five Star. Shall I go on? I can say this. I’m anxiously awaiting the next book, Bikini Dawn. Michael Dalton hit a homerun. Or that was Papa Bear Ethan with Olivia and Lexie. I can’t get enough of these three. And even when they’re not in the throes of passion. Their every day. However, my favorite parts are those moments of love… But you also have Maddie and the drama fest that she has to go through. Is it strange that I want Maddie to find someone like her dear Daddy? Ha-Ha! I’d buy a few copies for friends if this book had a soft cover. But I’ll still share with, ahem, EVERYONE!

Are you still there, my lady, after me being a fanboy. Because? Being something better. Manly? Because Unconditional love is for women, children, and dogs. You see any women here, Sophia. Besides you, of course. Two-legged kids? I need a woman. And Virgil is here.

Being his Dad? I miss Braxton. Parenting B’s and V’s

1209 Days Without B III, Day 650 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 325 ~Virgil Can B Choosy~

Do I have a choice? Yes. It’s why I look in the mirror, not the nightstand drawer. What? The world’s dangerous, and there’s Heaven, Hell, or the Rainbow Bridge, which I believe my Braxton found. But it wasn’t his choice. Virgil Can B Choosy

Tuesday, May 21, 2024

Tale 325 ~Virgil Can B Choosy~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… A choice? Sure. One that can’t be undone. Our children. My son, Braxton. Even Virgil.

The things that come into my world. But I didn’t choose the world. It’s been a hard few days living in it. And yes, if my B were still here, the past 1206 days would have been no question. Now, that is a lie. But like the promise I made to you. Always and forever.

Whenever I walked out the door, there were three phrases, three words each. “I’ll be back,” “Love ya, B,” and “Love ya Braxton.” No matter what happened, I love Braxton.

That was enough to survive, whatever. And then you ask, what about you? The kids? It’s my choice to come back to my family. I choose you, lover, every day. But it’s a hard choice. I know I sound selfish.

It’s like looking in a mirror. When I see myself even after all this time. I want to do my best Johnny Cash impression. “I hurt myself today.” If I could see myself like Braxton.

Pure love. I’ve told the story time and time again of when my Olds were moving, and Braxton was standing there. “Get in the car!” I yelled. Braxton did not hesitate. He made his choice. B III didn’t know where it would lead, but that choice to love was enough.

Virgil didn’t get that choice. And you, my love, didn’t choose to love, whatever it is I have become. A man of constant sorrow. Because even the choice of me getting up seems too much.

I wake up feeling robbed.

Braxton wasn’t stolen. If I blame anyone for his passing, it’s a former Day Job and my indifference. And that’s why “I Feel Everything.” Grief and sorrow seem the safest.

There was a time when I existed as “lust’s passion will be served…” As if that’s changed with all I do. I’m still in business, after all. The books, babes, and bucks. I want it all. Braxton, though, will not be a part of that. And now choosing to be here. Right here, this moment.

“It’s All Coming Back To Me Now.” A thousand choices shout praises! But make one.

Loving you? I will. Doing right by family. Yes. Existing without my boy? I’m here!

Choose to be happy? Staying enough? Virgil Can B Choosy

1206 Days Without B III, Day 647 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 324 ~Blogging Is Graffiti With Punctuation~

I ask for my Braxton back. I ask not to regret breathing. And to not be a blogger. But I sit in bed messing up the words because I have a Day Job. So, I’m blogging instead of writing. I promised B, but… Blogging Is Graffiti With Punctuation

Monday, May 20, 2024

Tale 324 ~Blogging Is Graffiti With Punctuation~

Three-Hundredth And Forty-Fourth Rule

Madam Justice
Rules are made to be broken… But not this one. Well, not unless I’m not here anymore. And how I HOPE for that.

Another week feels like an eternity. It’s Sunday, May 12, 2024. Another tear? Another breath.

Have I forgotten where I am and what I’m doing? If this is the First Circle, Limbo. Then, I could see no better punishment for a writer. If only that were my greatest sin, Madam.

Nowadays, I drift between what I did to my son, Braxton. Then there’s my father. Blogging away about those two extremes when it is still Mother’s Day. I know, Madam.

But if I stopped writing, I would honor women, specifically my mother. Honoring my father would mean keeping my mouth shut, but I couldn’t. So I’m stupid. And to honor my son, I would join him. Only he has a story. People should read it.

And so every day, whether I want to or not, I wake up, whittle away time, and write. It’s more like I cry out for him, Braxton, B III! I argue about balls. And then I blog away. This is my way of keeping him alive. Or, so I thought.

So, how long have I been doing that? How long has this blog existed? Oh! Please understand, Madam. I’m not begging anyone to look at this “work” anymore. I don’t. Only these words in Sister Act 2 have stuck with me: “If when you wake up in the morning. you can think of nothing but writing…then you’re a writer.” Now, when I wake up, there’s Braxton first. Then, the question of why I’m breathing. And then there’s this blog. Daring to call myself a writer…

That’s like calling myself a reviewer. This leads me to where this rule came from. It’s from the movie Contagion. “Blogging is not writing. It’s graffiti with punctuation.” But my writing is simply a mess. The Mess! Madam Justice, I’ll get into all sorts of movies at this rate. But I’m not here for that. And since I won’t edit my novels for Braxton, Madam.

What is it I’m doing? Right now, I’m hoping the DISH Network people come through so I won’t have to keep writing about being a fool and my father. Forgive me for my whining, dear Madam. Yet my words have done far worse, haven’t they? Up against the wall, on Mother’s Day. I’m not writing. Blogging Is Graffiti With Punctuation.

“A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1205 Days Without B III, Day 646 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 321 ~Happy To B Virgil~

I do like a book that has Happily Ever After. So I’m a bit ashamed I haven’t been reading about fur buddy memorials. My son Braxton and I didn’t get Happily Ever After. So buy more books… I’m keeping Virgil healthy, if not happy. “Happy To B Virgil.”

Friday, May 17, 2024

Tale 321 ~Happy To B Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Or should I buy you one? You should stay away from the search bar and finances.

There is no happiness to be found in such places. It’s a constant battle between keeping Virgil and myself healthy. I see a bit of Hilarity in continuing existence. And then there’s my hor… me being “amorous,” always. But happiness? It’s like a mirage, always just out of reach. People keep asking me for happy… anything, and I wish I could give it to them.

Sophia, I continued reading Michael Dalton’s novel this morning, and a particular quote hit me: “I’m happy if you’re happy.” Since everything leads back to my son Braxton, I ask…

B III, are you happy?

I remember so much about Braxton. I can still feel the warmth of Braxton’s last day on this Earth. I sat at the vet’s office, saw the look in B’s eyes, and heard what he was trying to say in his last moments. His thoughts still echo in my mind:

“Daddy, can’t we go home? I’m ok. I promise. You don’t have to worry anymore.”

Now Virgil is not happy.

Ok, sticking with Michael Dalton’s work, I’ll give you a few more choice words, Sophia: “If I have to live with it, then I will.” I should have made that into a rule, Lady Sophia.

That’s Virgil and I’s relationship. What is love? Love and Happiness. I told Braxton yesterday that the vet said that Virgil will live. But liking him? Virgil and his happiness.

Sophia, that’s what makes me a bad person. I don’t even try to read on the couch with him anymore. And yes, I’d include having problems with DISH Network, Sophia.

Honestly, my father isn’t too happy with me. But do you think I’m going to call him again today? I can’t find happiness inside me—only fear and book reviews…

9 Matches For Backyard Dungeon:

Well, Eddie is approaching seven wives. But with all the potential matches and hookups. I’ll give this 9th book in the series 4 Stars again. It’s great fun between the fighting, flushing out of the world, and again with all the romantic partners; there is plenty of… Uh, ahem, frolicking. I know I’ve said that before. Only with this title, my favorite part was Eddie playing matchmaker. He’s got babies, business, and he’s a bro. A particular type of bro, for sure. So, I tend to keep Logan Jacob’s books to myself. But to a specific clientele. Eddie Hill’s great.

What about my books or anything I would like to read? It won’t be happy, but… Happy To B Virgil

1202 Days Without B III, Day 643 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will