Tag: Books

Meditation 347 ~It’ll B Written, Virgil~

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When I was a boy, I cried over everything. What am I now? Something, someone who is afraid all the time. My Braxton is still gone, but it wasn’t him or the book I was reading. Blasted allergies? Or what’s become of the U.S.A? It’ll B Written, Virgil.

Friday, June 13, 2025

Meditation 347 ~It’ll B Written, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Friday the 13th. Happy Friday the 13th, though we do get a couple. So much blood.

“Yes, there will be blood.”

I’m more a fan of John Kramer, aka Jigsaw, than Jason Voorhees. Jigsaw could explain why I was crying today? Then Jason has the whole John Wick thing going for him. A man/monster of focus, commitment, and sheer will. This “Will” doesn’t have that. Guts!

But I still have my son’s blood on my hands. My poor Braxton, my firstborn. With the stroke of a pen, I ended his life on the “day of our lord” Sunday, January 31, 2021.

Seriously, Sophia, they talk about how long it takes for serial killers to get going. Saturday, August 13, 2022, with another pen, I “rescued” Braxton’s little brother Virgil. “How to Save a Life?” Give me sweat, blood, and tears and not ink. That comes later.

FEAR of sweat, blood, and tears? I’m not a hard worker, hard enough, considering what I’ve accomplished today. “Here and Now,” it’ll be written that I was crying while reading.

Can’t I save the love songs for Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. Or shall I call her Julia from “1984.” My Lenina from “Brave New World.” Is she Lorinda from “It Can’t Happen Here?” How about I-330 from “We?” Where am I going with all this other than ideas of dystopian sex? I feel like Winston. I’m weak like Bernard but want to be the Savage. I want to write like Doremus. And I’m a victim, liar, traitor like D-503. A man, ha! All these books, Sophia, they’re all I have to make sense of my identity now. To alliveate the fears of…

A well-read something or other lying with M Anime, someday.

My Julia, as she told me this morning that when we meet for the first time, she should wear some blue coveralls and the red sash of “The Junior Anti-Sex League.” We make plans all the time in texts. All of it is designed to look like ink. Kindle books, love letters, coding, etc. Yet I can’t write out an honest answer. Why was I crying over a book, hm?

Sophia, the book was Spring Break: A Slice of Life Contemporary Harem (Harem University Book 6) by Dirk Knight. No, I was not crying over that. Not even over Braxton.

FEAR grips me sometimes. Hell, like grief over my son always and forever. Writing life. Mine? What’s it saying? The End… It’ll B Written, Virgil

1594 Days Without B III, Day 1035 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 343 ~Anatomy 101 By Braxton~

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Last night, as I held 2-V, I pointed to his little heart free of worms. V’s guts. I gave him his meds, and he spilled some of those on the bed. Balls? The docs took them before we met. Braxton had balls. B was badass. But me? “Anatomy 101 By Braxton”

Monday, June 9, 2025

Meditation 343 ~Anatomy 101 By Braxton~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… As obvious as “Head, Shoulders, Knees, And Toes.” Or as you were with Virgil HEART, Guts And… oh, right.

I was never anyone’s father. I’m your son always and forever, forever and always, Dad.

And Virgil is my little brother and your son. Remember? Now that you’re sure I haven’t reincarnated. Not as another four-legged ball of fluff, anyway. Which is why I’m here.

“Can you hear? Can you read? Are you receiving the signal? Do you copy me? No, Dad, I don’t sound like Theresa Walker. And I’m not Dead Air. Well, not quite. Kidney failure, and the whole Euthanasia thing. (Bristles). Yeah, I don’t like that word either. But I need you to hear me on this. I know you’re afraid. FEAR feels like it’s taken the very HEART of you, my father. Or it’s broken, there’s no room, it’s given away.

But my HEART didn’t take me, and do you know why? Because I gave it to you. I wasn’t afraid when death smiled at me. For the briefest of seconds, when I couldn’t see you.

“I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me”
The Return of the King

Daddy, I smiled right back at death. I bared my fangs, and I asked, “What took you so long?” Do you know the guts that took? This leads us to our subsequent realization, my father.

Do you have it? GUTS! You and Virgil both. Daddy, you are the bravest man I know. You and I together could face anything. We were not afraid. I’d offer mine, but the fire pretty much took care of that. Okay, that wasn’t funny. My death, MAGA, FDT, Republicans, etc.

At least you’re not crying.

Because you have balls? And Virgil won’t be regrowing his. But you can help him.

Purpose. It is not your purpose to be scared of the backyard fence, the bad place you would go for hours leaving me alone, the beeps and boobs of several glow boxes, those bad words you would say that I didn’t understand. MAGA, Norton, Money, there were so many things. But you would call my name, and everything vanished. Courage.

Honestly, Dad, it was far more than that. “FEAR is the HEART of love.” What I ask is, “Be Not So Fearful. For M Anime, me and Virgil’s potential stepmom, she’ll follow you. “I Will Follow You Into The Dark.” Family. Your woman, more siblings. Dad! Anatomy 101 By Braxton.

“A man trusts the counsel of his best friend.”
Vector

“Ah, merciless Love, is there any length to which you cannot force the human heart to go?”
― The Aeneid

1590 Days Without B III, Day 1031 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 342 ~Being A B-Student, Virgil~

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It’s only a little wire… I’m no tech guy. It’s only a little streak. What? My gaming streak. The 1000+ days I’ve read. My writing. It’s only a little hard. With B and V’s stepmom, I have an Enormous P… But I’m failing. Being A B-Student, Virgil.

Sunday, June 8, 2025

Meditation 342 ~Being A B-Student, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And what would you grade yourself this morning? Are you striving for a B? Asking for F’s.

Fido, Effing, Failure. Man, you got plenty. And I know you wish you could stick to the effing. What? The friction in your hand? Not at all. You have plenty of lube. And also, Ew!

Your hands could be of use elsewhere… (Laughs hysterically). I know that’s pretty funny, friend. And speaking of friends, where’s your best one. Braxton’s in a box, a bunch of ash in a pendant, and hopefully barking up a storm in Heaven, the Rainbow Bridge.

Wherever and whatever. I don’t blame B for the Heavens ripping. I blame myself. I told Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime, that I wanted to be a veterinarian.

But I also wanted to be a virologist or an astronaut. There’s Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Long Walk By Stephen King, Written As Richard Bachman
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 017, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 024 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Not that I’m blaming them. But I know you will come this time next week. And since B’s gone, and his little brother Virgil is as strange as the poet. What about all the effing?

That’s one “F” you know far too well. Even as you ask the question like Norah Jones, Don’t Know Why,” I didn’t come. And you think, “I Touch Myself.” The Divinyls, really, bro? But Dear M is that type of woman. You can say the freaky deaky stuff. Filthy words.

And that’s what had you feeling anything but blame today. Blame for what? Yesterday, I was sitting here wanting to watch WWE Money In The Bank. What’s wrong with that?

Beats you. Worry about your O-Face? And Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 17, Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 024, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Like fixing said O-Face? I can’t send that video to M Anime. You’re fine, attractive… Somehow, she wants you, but let’s just say Virgil isn’t the only one with a few teeth problems. Having the funds would help both of you. But you’re failing Virgil.

That’s what worries you. Hell, everything has been worrying you since Friday. Don’t look at me. Uh, that’s the whole point of being here. But again, Friday, I was sitting here all fine and dandy, and life said I needed a shot of FEAR. And after that, yesterday nature’s FURY.

Effing ISP! Effing storm! So many effing streaks lost. If you’d been a better student, you’d say I think I like this “Little Life.” That’s Braxton. Being A B-Student, Virgil

1589 Days Without B III, Day 1030 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 340 ~Braxton Barks Library Virgil~

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I don’t draw up architecture plans; I write books. Do I? How about reading stories? “The Long Walk” was good. But the end needed more steps… “The Aeneid.” I named my secondborn Virgil, so I understand why he sleeps. Braxton Barks Library Virgil.

Friday, June 6, 2025

Meditation 340 ~Braxton Barks Library Virgil~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… Hell! After reading “The Long Walk,” whose ending was somewhat, Meh. I’ve sampled “The Aeneid.” Snooze

Or am I lazy? Yesterday was a waste of a day. There is the exception of reading, M Anime.

You know, Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom. I swear I need to bind all of her stories together into one volume of work. And what of my stories? Braxton’s Life Matters.

So much so that I haven’t published either of my son’s two novels. I haven’t gotten around to building that magnificent temple in his memory that I told M Anime about. So that brings us to today. I was walking past my library/study/Braxton’s Bedroom/Virgil’s Bedroom. And what did I see? The Shawshank Redemption. The movie.

The Brooks Hatlen Memorial Library, to be precise. Is that sad? Braxton’s old room feels like a prison library, Sophia.

It was from time to time. Whenever Braxton would get into trouble. But I’ll never forget, on his final days, Braxton somehow found the strength to walk to his room.

Even when I brought him his water bowl, he insisted on going to his room to drink. He did it to spare me worry. I find myself in tears, wishing I had captured those moments. The Long Walk, Braxton Edition.

There’s one more thing I want for his temple, or museum, or mausoleum, or memorial. I was telling M Anime that I want to go all out. A fusion of Egyptian and Greek styles. I want to build something that truly honors Braxton’s Resting Place.

I want it to be built with Obsidian stone. Volcanic glass. There’ll be golden statues of my firstborn son. Paintings, Videos, and my books for him. Idolatry? You’re damn straight.

It’s not like I’m firing the 14th librarian of Congress because I’m a racist MAGA freak, Karoline Leavitt. Effing MAGA and FDT. However, let’s not discuss poor reading material. SIGH

The news? At least my stories are confined to fiction. B III’s existence is nonfiction.

But what about his and Virgil’s stepmom. Before writing a “love” story with her, hmm.

Sophia, I have a burning desire to see my books in bookstores, libraries, and bestseller lists. Just like Cherry boasts about. Am I joking? Whatever.

Then I can worry about the Red Room or, rather, the Black Room and everything I want to do with M Anime. The temple where my son may finally rest in peace. A bedroom where I don’t wake up exhausted each and every morning. Book it. Braxton Barks Library Virgil

1587 Days Without B III, Day 1028 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 336 ~B Where? An Heir~

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I got up because my son B willed it so. I got “UP” because a goddess of a woman, a potential queen, asked for her king. More like Julia getting a rise out of Winston (1984). Am I in a good mood? Blue Balls and communing with spirits. B Where? An Heir

Monday, June 2, 2025

Meditation 336 ~B Where? An Heir~

“Human beings in a mob. What’s a mob to a king? What’s a king to a god? What’s a god to a non-believer who don’t believe in anything?”
― No Church in the Wild (2011)

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… How I long to be a prince rather than a prayer. A soldier rather than a saint. Your son.

That is what I shall be, always and forever, my father. And long live the king. Who will take care of the new young prince? And all of the princes and princesses, my dear father.

We’ll get to that. You were busy with the potential queen… You know who I would have chosen. My favorite girl? Like father, like son. But you are a king, believe it or not, Dad. My pack leader, benevolent God, again a king. And always my Dad. But there’s Virgil.

“’You are a good man with a good heart, and it’s hard for a good man to be a king.”

So why not show Virgil that more? I was born to raise Hell but not bring down Heaven above. Though that is a thought. Did I mention other princes and siblings? My little brothers and sisters who Virgil will protect.

“All of my life, I have lived by a code, and the code is simple: honor the gods, love your woman, and defend your country.”
― Prince Hector, Eric Bana

That you will do, father. If everything works out. But you continue to look at me as if to say I’m an example of things not working out. If you had it your way, I would live forever, Dad. And since you and my potential stepmom/queen have been trading songs, here’s one for you: “Who Wants to Live Forever?” Again, like father, like son. Us.

Daddy, I do live, but maybe it’s all too heavy. What, Virgil, is only eleven pounds? However, you’re still wondering how you feel about that ha-ha. Seriously, a man alone.

No man is an island. Not even you, Dad. And you were meant to be a king. Dad, you rule.

Why did I put it like that? A teenage boy?

Maybe I was that young when you were still in your twenties. My Old Man, old man. Do you remember when we would watch “Reign: The Conqueror?” And you would tell me that the meaning of life was that song, “Worthy Of Your Soul.” Seek out a kingdom worthy of your soul. And that’s what you are still meant to do. Reign over empires, Dad.

Your writing, your future woman, for in my dreams, I win. When you have a two-legged son. And will you give him my name? You did tell the potential queen. Someone an heir to your throne. And notice that you have not cried once since we began. I’m right, Dad.

B is where? With you, always. B Where? An Heir

For I have made you a father of many nations. I will make you very fruitful; I will make nations of you, and kings will come from you.
― Genesis

Forever worthy of my great father’s fame!
― The Aeneid

1583 Days Without B III, Day 1024 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 335 ~Virgil, Thirst Can B…~

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We all miss a bit of common sense. If someone is thirsty, you give them a cup of water. If Virgil is thirsty, he can walk right down the hall to the water bowl. If I want to be successful, I could go downstairs and write. “Virgil, Thirst Can B…”

Sunday, June 1, 2025

Meditation 335 ~Virgil, Thirst Can B…~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… How’s the first looking. You would be better off asking Braxton, M Anime, or even Virgil. Yourself?

It’s the “1st of tha Month,” a Sunday, and Braxton is still gone. You know, that sounds familiar. It was only Monday, February 1, 2021. And I was lying where you are, as pathetically covered in fur. But instead of remnants of Braxton, you have Virgil. And why is that? Because Virgil is too scared to get up and go get a drink of water and then come back. Not that you’re mad at him, but it’s annoying. Even when Braxton was dying, I brought his water bowl to him. Braxton was a brave boy. He could barely walk, but he would go to his room, wanting to get a drink. Again, you ask why. Because he loves you. And…

I fail Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Saying Goodbye – Navigating the Loss of a Beloved Pet
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 010, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 017 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I should be ashamed. But what about you? Hell, it’s been seven hours, and you’ve already failed number six. What are you doing? Your best MJ impression. “Why (why?), why (why?) Tell ’em that it’s Human Nature.” But don’t you thirst for more, my friend?

Dignity? I was Braxton’s Daddy. I’ll always be. You can be that and be a Dad to Virgil as well. You can stop disparaging yourself. As M Anime asked, in her own way, be the man she needs you to be. Who knows? You could beat Depression. But Acceptance. Never!

Dirty? Sure. If depraved, deviant, and disgusting, stories make money. If you can be the Ding-a-Ling that M Anime likes. If you can be a billionaire, douche. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Long Walk By Stephen King, Written As Richard Bachman
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 017, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

But you have to make this… Your writing comes first. You must thirst like Braxton.

Seriously, it wasn’t thirsting only for a drink of water. It was for happiness. And Braxton knew that wasn’t possible. But to stop worrying, weeping, and wallowing as you are.

You’re still sitting in bed, making up excuses as to why you can’t go out. You’re utter OMG over and over. The reason switches from moment to moment. And if you put existence first. Not just thriving but surviving, as THEY say. Question, Whose THEY?

Answer. Like the song “My Future. It’s coming on, it’s coming on, it’s coming on.”

Honestly, that’s you. You don’t have to be “Clint Eastwood” to do it. Get Angry. Thirsty. Virgil, Thirst Can B…

1582 Days Without B III, Day 1023 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 333 ~Zero To Braxton, Virgil~

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I’m reading Stephen King’s The Long Walk. Writing is like participating. I need to win. I’m not my Virgil’s hero; I “failed” my Braxton. But I’d rather have pet bills than euthanasia papers. Speaking of caring. There’s a girl. Zero To Braxton, Virgil

Friday, May 30, 2025

Meditation 333 ~Zero To Braxton, Virgil~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… “Pontypool Changes Everything,” maybe? I’m afraid not. I won’t be buying any books this week. Paycheck?

Zero. That’s for last week. And this week, I didn’t fare much better. But I was at the Day Job, and if last night was any indication, I was exhausted. The week I worked won’t even pay for Virgil’s Vet Appointment today. I don’t look forward to reading Virgil’s bill.

Sophia, I didn’t want to read Braxton’s Euthanasia papers either. But they’ve rested on the coffee table for four long years. As long as Virgil’s been alive. Keeping Virgil alive.

“And even though you passed. Going on four long years. Still waking up late at night crying tears.”
I Wish

That’s the rub. And yes, nobody needs to be singing any R. Kelly. My son B III is a hero. Braxton is Love. Braxton is Cruel. Braxton was close to Happiness. Like “Kill is Kiss.”

More Pontypool? Because reading bills, bottles, and bureaucracy kinda sucks.

Like reading my works? I’d like to stay up long enough to write. Why’d I choose this way? I chose nothing for if I had well… “I’ll always love my Mama,” but mistakes were made.

“I chose nothing. I was born, and this is what I am.”
Achilles, Troy (2004)

Achilles wasn’t a hero. Hercules was. The animated one, not Kevin Sorbo’s edition. MAGA-loving douche. One more reason I prefer to keep my head in the pages. While this is a time for heroes, I think the American consensus seems to be, as Tina Turner sang, “We Don’t Need Another Hero.” And did I hear correctly that the Cheeto and Chief want a dome? SIGH.

Figuratively, I hope. But you never know. I don’t want to talk politics, but we could be living in Paradigm City from The Big O.

Speaking of anime and The Big O, there’s my boys’ potential stepmom, M Anime. “One More Night” was spent texting her. The Phil Collins version, not Maroon 5. But I keep thinking about how she said their “Sunday Morning” reminded her of me. My heart…

Anyway, last night, it wasn’t only “Sexxx Dreams.” What comes after? If everything goes according to plan, the “Possibility.” Hell, possibilities. After coming comes creation.

“The opposite of war isn’t peace. It’s creation.”
Jonathan Larson

Creating children, can we have a home, “I can be the man you need me to be,” I want to tell her. But Sophia, the last promise I made to someone. I told my B III that he’d be ok.

With M Anime, I’d be both hero and villain. Like Braxton. Zero To Braxton, Virgil

1580 Days Without B III, Day 1021 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 329 ~The Beginning Will B~

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I met Braxton in (Grandpa’s) Hands. I got Virgil from behind bars. 2V’s, not mine. B’s Favorite Girl, Cherry, and M Anime? I began with them after writing this or that. But when will I start to “know thyself?” I don’t know, but “The Beginning Will B”

Monday, May 26, 2025

Meditation 329 ~The Beginning Will B~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Like father, like son. Do you know how long it took me to come up with that? Saying hello?

I understand why you don’t do it very often. You’re here. People are here. And I am here or there… I’m with you. Humans and language. That’s what made us a good team, a family. And it’s what you were thinking about as you were walking with my little brother.

That and pirate hats. I know I need to stay out of your head. My place is in your heart.

“Oh no, the world is a scary place,” Disturbed even inside your mind, Daddy. Honestly.

Why do you think I sat on your head most mornings? My furry butt was the least of your problems. The day didn’t start for you until you returned from the ‘bad place” you’d go daily and after a nap.

And that’s what I want you to feel, Daddy. That one moment in time when everything began. The moment when everything made sense when you weren’t sad or even scared.

Why? Because I am your son. And while a man provides for his family. It’s how you raised me to be, Dad. And for us to look at each other or how you looked at me when I sat on guard duty for anything that might hurt you. And “It’s Been Awhile” since you haven’t felt like anything more than a Staind. A mess without me, Daddy. No, you’re not.

Dad, do you remember every mess that Virgil has made. He’s messier than me. Ha-Ha! But you remember more the day you met him. PetSmart.

You don’t remember the day you met me. The precise date, I mean. But you remember the day I ‘left’. Sunday, January 31, 2021. The day Virgil arrived was Saturday, August 13, 2022. Daddy, you remember meeting my Favorite Girl face-to-face. It was on E-Day.

Begin to live, to lessen the pain, dare I say, to love. Dad, even now, it’s “later V, later Virgil,” With me, it was “love you, B, love you, Braxton.” How do you begin again? Why would you begin again?” To forgive, to heal, to love. To remember without tears. Daddy, I won’t ask that. But seeing me protecting you. My Favorite girl sitting with you. Cherry’s teasing. Liking me and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. The Beginning Will B

If you had me for 15 years and it took three days to lose me, why would you not be willing to love again? ― Only Gone From Your Sight BY Kate McGahan

“Do the gods light this fire in our hearts or does each man’s mad desire become his god?”
― Virgil, The Aeneid

1576 Days Without B III, Day 1017 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 328 ~Braxton Got High, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I want to blame little bottles of energy, a case of blue balls, or my bills, so I haven’t been eating the best. But they did waive the $189.00 charge at the dealership. The CEL was a “mistake.” Now, V’s vet bill. Because when Braxton Got High, Virgil

Sunday, May 25, 2025

Meditation 328 ~Braxton Got High, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Nice to see you again. By that, I mean you’re standing; your eyes aren’t blurry. You’re awake.

But will you ever be zero dollars, getting brisket on your piggie potato and a girl begging you to Eff high? Today, you’re trying to get over an addiction, which is my fault. I’m sorry.

5-hour ENERGY is a hell of a drug. Headaches, exhaustion you wouldn’t believe, and your legs. As ZZ Top puts it, “She got legs. She knows how to use them.” But we’ll talk about your boys’ stepmom, the Wild Fire Sisters, Dimitrescu Daughters, Marimo Sakagami, Maxine… SHUT-UP! Whoever you want to fantasize about comes later.

Yesterday… “Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away.” I’m at the dealership and get hit with a $189 look-at-it fee. Final verdict for the car… Zero dollars. Saved! But not from Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Pastor’s Purity Test: Forbidden First Time Sex by Emme Cox
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 010 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Look at that; I even got number four. But between all the worrying, how I wasted the week. There’s the exception of texting with the woman who could become your sons’ stepmom. She would be a reason to take your pants off. But you’re suffering from withdrawal, I know. You can’t be considering drinking those energy shots I bought. Eff!

But again, I saved you $189.00. A pretty girl waived the fee. Only now are you heading to the next battle? You must keep Virgil’s paws on the ground to stop him from joining Braxton.

The Rainbow Bridge is a beautiful place… But do you remember the price of getting Braxton there? Ain’t talking about money. Keeping V alive isn’t on these Six Impossible Things.

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Saying Goodbye – Navigating the Loss of a Beloved Pet
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 010, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Because keeping Virgil breathing… You’re his effing Daddy. It’s your job. It’s what you do. But you need a Day Job for that. And while I saved you money, there won’t be a paycheck this week. Didn’t I tell you I wasted the week? And again, I am sorry. Honestly.

Thoughts and Prayers. What am I, an Effing MAGA Red Hat worshipping a Cheeto? FDT!

But you have a choice. Do you want to be high enough to reach Braxton? It’s a lot of pain.

You should be high enough to look M Anime in the eye and say. you’re “The Only One For Me.” Too much? High enough to place Virgil and Braxton as brothers and not as competition. Hey, Braxton Got High, Virgil.

1575 Days Without B III, Day 1016 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 326 ~Contracting Braxton and Virgil~

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When it’s not about punching people or pretty girls and my “Enormous P, then there’s paperwork. I have to sign to get the car fixed and to see to V’s health, and I’ll possibly need a credit card. I’m not happy, but I’m Contracting Braxton and Virgil.

Friday, May 23, 2025

Meditation 326 ~Contracting Braxton and Virgil~

Hey, Lady Sophia,
Let me tell you a story… But first, I need to get my words right. Don’t I mean Contact, Not Contract? SIGH.

The Devil is in the details. Braxton’s Euthanasia papers and Virgil’s Adoption papers. I pose the question. What are two sets of documents I didn’t read thoroughly? Dear Lady Sophia.

It’s the fine print. I didn’t know I’d hate myself always and forever… Braxton’s demise. And I didn’t think I’d be looking at Virgil and start singing “I Always Find A Way” from Even Stevens. A way to care for Virgil. We went out for a walk, and he had breakfast. Even with my splitting headache. Do you see what time it is, Sophia? Seriously?

Today, I didn’t start with reading “Saying Goodbye – Navigating the Loss of a Beloved Pet: A Guide to Grieving and Healing From Pet Loss” by K.M. Ogden. Another one?

By that, I mean mourning B III. But that’s not why I have the headache now, my dear Lady Sophia. There are worse things to read and worse dreams/nightmares to rest to. Did I say rest? Yesterday, I was talking about B Resting in Peace. Only I don’t let him. And for the past three months, I’ve been complaining about “Dollar dollar bill, y’all.” C.R.E.A.M.

I’m surprised I haven’t been doing that for Braxton and Virgil’s stepmom. Should I stop calling M Anime that? When a woman says, she’s looking into jobs where you’re located…

As serious as the heart attack that didn’t take Braxton. It was his kidneys. As serious as the painkillers I took. As serious as the energy shot I missed, Sophia.

5-hour ENERGY does its job, but if you miss a couple of days, your head hurts like a Mother Effer. I swear I’ve been through this before, and still, I could only get off my ass long enough to get a personal pan pizza and a bucket of chicken. OH, I eat so well. Yeah…

Something I’m going to do to M Anime should I ever get the chance. And while I’m talking about adult situations, how are my finances? They’ll be worse tomorrow, Sophia.

I’m getting that Check Engine Light looked at. After that, Virgil’s health. And next comes having any food. To think I wanted to pay for sex, but I found love. B and V make me rich? Contracting Braxton and Virgil

1573 Days Without B III, Day 1014 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will