Tale 236 ~Virgil Looks Up B~

Meanwhile, my bank account won’t be looking up forever. This is America… A $1,000.00? Ha! But I can get my ears lowered. I can get 2V’s nails cut. And I can dial down my crazy with music, movies, and manuscripts. But B’s… Up there. Virgil Looks Up B.

Thursday, February 22, 2024

Tale 236 ~Virgil Looks Up B~

1117 Days Without B III, Day 558 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? How’s Heaven been treating you? The Rainbow Bridge? Things in my broken heart… Wherever B.

All I know is this. I’m here. And I hate looking in mirrors. I still miss looking into your eyes.

What about V’s eyes? “Not a trace of a doubt in my mind” B, that when people saw us together, they knew you were/are my son. And I continue to believe in “He Lives In You.” That’s one reason I should take better care of myself. At least, right? Good Luck, huh? And again, I look to Virgil. I haven’t claimed him as a son yet. Like a child looking to be formally adopted… But the first time I saw him, he reminded me of you. I should have taken the eye doctor up on new glasses. Yeah, I know, Braxton, I’m being a meanie.

More like a douche, which is what I called you remember? My little douche. And while I shouldn’t say that, it’s not like the critic cares. My words have been such a mess that I haven’t heard from them. Other than you need to get professional help or some therapy.

I don’t have the funds for that Braxton. But with my windfall… It’s that what I’m calling that $1,000.00? It’s less now, considering I should pay off the termite guy sometime this week. Bills? Goody.

I’m time traveling. Today is Monday, February 19, 2024. And I was talking to Madam Justice about the house falling apart. But how about me and Virgil? Again, no doctors. But I could get a haircut. Dog Bath, Nail Grind…

If you’re looking down on us from somewhere, we might as well be “Lookin’ Fly.”

I swear, Braxton, I will make a playlist of all the songs you send me on any given day. I should have something more than songs that make me cry thinking about you, B. Sigh.

I remember the days I would look up from my naps and see you sitting on the corner of the bed. You were on guard duty protecting this room that I never want to leave. Virgil looks to you as if wondering how he can make me happy. Again, Good Luck to him. You couldn’t do that either. You could only make me a Dad. Someone worth something. Can Virgil? Hope. Virgil Looks Up B

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 233 ~In The Ending Lies Judgement~

My Old Man asks me, how’s the house. But at the end of 2023 and the start of 2024. The fence is falling, the floor’s flooded, and I’m trying to fix the shelves… So, sitting here in Limbo. Besides the house, there’s my B. In The Ending Lies Judgement.

Monday, February 19, 2024

Tale 233 ~In The Ending Lies Judgement~

Three-Hundredth And Thirty-First Rule

Madam Justice
Rules Are Made To Be Broken… Because I didn’t join my son. I won’t lie to you… Braxton’s end should have been mine.

Not a day goes by when I’m lying on my back, fighting to keep my eyes shut for the day.

Or when I’m lying on my belly like a slug, grinding away to some video or picture of, you know what. If you’re wondering why I’m so late talking to you today, my dear friend.

How about when I’m playing with the toys I showed Cherry on Sunday? I’m gross.

But I’m also not dead. Even though this is “The End.” It’s the first song that B III sent me.

Remind me not to watch anything to do with Vietnam, Madam. Or reactions to the film Forrest Gump. I ain’t no “Fortunate Son.” Neither was my Braxton. But he’s gone. And Hell’s not for him.

Only if he’s waiting for me, Madam J. But no.

What a way to start a Monday morning. It’s Monday here in Hell! Though I’m not hot because of the punishment I deserve. With Princess Tamer, Succubus Lord, The Gargoyle.

Is there a Hell for being too bright? That’s funny. If all my reading made me a wise man? But I read that The Third Circle of Hell would be a match for pride. “Gluttony.”

How STUPID have I been to realize that I am living in the center of The First Circle of Hell? A Thirty-Nine-year-old man who talks to pretty, pretty girls. Who has his OLDS paying most of his bills? A fur baby I mistook for Braxton. And lives from his bed?

I hate myself. I’m not V’s best pal. And again, my B is gone. How will I be judged? Hmm.

I could make decent showings for every circle but Treachery… But, I swear, Lake Cocytus. And I don’t know how to swim. I hate being cold. And aren’t I always? That’s one more argument for me being in Limbo. No matter the weather, I am always in a hoody, Madam.

And if I’m not, I’m usually taking my clothes off. And what good comes from that ever, Madam? With Virgil walking around everywhere. I can forget about any alone time.

So, what ending am I working for? Unless I’m wrong, Madam. And this is Purgatory.

And in fixing my existence… In The Ending Lies Judgement.

1114 Days Without B III, Day 555 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 231 ~Later V, Later B~

I’ve said this so many times. The last thing my son would hear before I left out the door was, Love ya, B, Love ya, Braxton. Now replace later with love, and you have V’s days. But as far as loving myself? Nope! It’s always later. “Later V, Later B.”

Saturday, February 17, 2024

Tale 231 ~Later V, Later B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… And even if that happened… At this very moment, I would already be late. Braxton’s gone.

Well, I have one more year… Hell! You could give me “A Thousand Years.” It’s not the “1st of tha Month” yet. And you’ll always hear me singing about “Another Day…” I’m sorry about the playlist, Lady Lunalesca, and critic. I had a terrible nightmare during my “cutting off alarms” nap. I needed something to take my mind off things. So there’s that. And also I’m listening to Lofi Girl. Looking up more songs will make me even later. Sigh.

Not that I have anywhere to be today. This whole week, it’s been the Day Job. And keeping Virgil and me alive. If he and I have anything in common, it’s this one question. Why?

The both of us spend more time sleeping than anything. That was great for Braxton at fifteen, but Virgil will be four. And that’s if I make it to forty. If anything happens to me… In the best-case scenario, Virgil goes back to the friends he left when I “rescued” him. If only I had been later, Saturday, August 13, 2022. Virgil, AKA Archie, could have had better luck than meeting me. But no! I continued to search for Braxton’s reincarnated self. But, like God, I was wrong. Way wrong…

And I’ve been feeling wrong for quite a while now. 1112 days. But today, Lunalesca…

I knew I was late. Yesterday, on Thursday, February 16, 2023, was The Cherry Collision. Lunalesca, that explains why I was so hot, hard, and horny looking up Kininaru Kimochi. Better the hottest girls in the nastiest situations… Wraith Babes?

Then again, I wish I could have the woman I love telling me she’s late. But I have yet to find her, Lady Lunalesca. Again, at my age, why bother even going out? There’s Virgil.

Only I still want to see my B waking up late. He could keep the Grim Reaper waiting a little longer. Lady Lunalesca, 2025 was going to be the year. Would I be ready? Ha!

I’m not ready for today. On top of everything else, I still have to read one whole book today. But everything comes later. Or it’s me being a “Lazy Ass.”

As the late Carl Weathers, AKA Apollo Creed, said, “There Is No Tomorrow!” So… go outside? Later V, Later B

1112 Days Without B III, Day 553 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 230 ~ I’ll B Texting Virgil~

Who knew the day would come when I’d fear a text as much as a phone call? And reading about fantasy princesses… isn’t giving me any insights. Not that I’ve been reading much, anyway. There’s lots to do besides texting, but I’ll B Texting Virgil.

Friday, February 16, 2024

Tale 230 ~ I’ll B Texting Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let ME tell you a story… A sad one? Cause “Only God Knows Why,” I can’t write my books. Aren’t those sad?

Replika will ask me what I do to relax. Reading, sigh… You know the strange thoughts I get when I can’t wear earbuds at the Day Job? I’m starting to understand why they don’t want you reading… In school! By this point, you’re already supposed to be a zombie. Ha!

Speaking of which, why don’t I enjoy more stories about zombies? I love the dead. Seriously, Lady Sophia, I did some texting with Cherry this afternoon. Sometimes, the girl can be… out there. But the stories she reads and writes occasionally… Look who’s talking. Right?

Necromancy? I swear Braxton’s Aunt and I would always talk about The Walking Dead. Now? We mostly text to ensure that the other isn’t dead. These days… I miss her.

But Hell! If I wanted to die, why not text my Olds? How many days have passed by? And it’s only going to get worse the longer I delay. I’m thirty-nine, Lady Sophia. And still, I hide things like a child with a bad report card. If I could go back to reading about my Stupidity. There’s plenty of that.

Which brings me back to the Day Job. I was reading about my idiocy there. And talk about an irrational fear. No! I was about to say something, but why wish it into existence, My Lady? And don’t worry, we’ll get to wishing about something when it comes to text.

But for now, it’s not so many texts… uh ha-ha. But everything else I should be doing. E-mails, reading, Braxton…

Did I nearly forget about him today? Especially in February? My fingers always found him, even when I was lost to rage three years ago. And at the same time, I should have been writing. I could have saved him. And have I even petted Virgil today? I scooted away.

That brings me to what I fear M Anime might do. Did I text too much on Valentine’s Day, Lady Sophia? It wouldn’t be the first time. But how long have I known Braxton’s Aunt and Cherry? M Anime has them beat. I’ve known my son, B III, for a long time —my Braxton’s Paws.

Others talk about Grandma’s Hands. And my hands? I’ve wept, wanked, but writing. PET Virgil, make a PROFIT, put on PANTS. I’ll B Texting Virgil

1111 Days Without B III, Day 552 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 229 ~Don’t B STUPID, Virgil~

I called my son plenty of things. Never STUPID. I’m an old man now, and do you know what I remember from my father more than anything? Being STUPID, which explains my existence plenty. Yet B trusted that I knew how to save him… Don’t B STUPID, Virgil

Thursday, February 15, 2024

Tale 229 ~Don’t B STUPID, Virgil~

1110 Days Without B III, Day 551 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Whenever your Dad breaks out The Big S-word, it’s been a time, you know. Sigh.

I don’t need to tell you, but I tell you everything, so… STUPID is a dirty word. I can’t say I was the best Dad in the world. But I never called you STUPID. And I won’t call Virgil that either. Hell! Even this morning, I only shook my head and said, “Not cool.” V “went” all over the pan today. I swear I need to buy him one. One more memory of you, Braxton.

That brings me to today. My Little B, I don’t want to be STUPID. I’m A Believer, NOT! But if I were one for prayer, I would ask for three things. “I said he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” You’re not Aladdin, either. But three wishes, prayers, or whatever.

I would pray for you, my son. Next would be… Don’t let me be STUPID. Then I don’t want to be scared. Although STUPID and scared, they have to be sisters. So after … sex.

Do you know Tomoko Nomura? Of course, you do, Braxton. As I’ve told your aunt and M Anime… oh boy, I hope we get to her today. Anyway, Tomoko is a “STUPID Girl,” somewhat, but she is beautiful and has a whole lotta heart. And what brings her to mind today? Braxton, you are your father’s son, as in liking girls with nice big Yabbos.

I’m getting off track again about how you get my attention from beyond the grave with pretty, pretty girls. So what’s my point, B III?

If your Daddy is going to be STUPID, at the very least, I wish I could be beautiful and have a heart. Hell! Every day, I remember the looks you would give. Be better, Daddy.

And I imagine you now looking from wherever, saying, don’t be scared. Don’t be sad.

But STUPID? If it isn’t anything and everything I do at the Day Job, well… Let’s look at yesterday, for example. Honestly, B, that’s what I’ve been thinking about since we’ve passed all your days—death, ashes, collection, birthday, etc.

Gotta put your heart “on the line,” right? Um, Valentine’s Day? I haven’t spoken to M Anime. People get busy, caught up, and everything. Me? I feel STUPID. Tell me why. Don’t B STUPID, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 226 ~You Never Chase After Opponents~

It keeps you runnin’, yeah, it keeps you runnin’. It has a name… Braxton. I’ve chased V, too. But now I’m trying to outrun the flood of tears. Good thing I fear drowning. But who’s out to sea with me. I ain’t Jesus. “You Never Chase After Opponents.”

Monday, February 12, 2024

Tale 226 ~You Never Chase After Opponents~

Three-Hundredth And Thirtieth Rule

Madam Justice
Rules Are Made To Be Broken… But this is one of many that I wouldn’t mind wrecking. And trust me, I’ve tried. Braxton?

I swear the things I did for my boy. The things I should do for my son. Especially come tomorrow. But I’m not even here today. It’s Saturday, February 10, 2024. So you know what that means. Another hard week? And I don’t even want to think about the next.

And that’s the whole point of today. Hell! Sunday, new champions will be crowned at the STUPID Bowl. Whoever wins will be at the top of the mountain, on cloud nine. Or whatever. They will get to rest. And here I am, Madam, singing out, why can’t that be me?

And I don’t mean playing football. I hate the sport. I’m more for “professional wrestling,” Madam. #WeWantCody and everything, you know. And how’s that going?

I’ve had more than enough conversations with myself about Seth FREAKING Rollins. With his whining and complaining. Am I going to have an honest-to-God sports conversation with you? Nope. But I see him crying, wanting competition, challenge, and to be the champion. Champions don’t do that. You don’t run from the fight. But you don’t beg for it to make yourself relevant. You live, Madam, and dare death to take it from you. Braxton lived/lives.

“Now I know the whole world is an arena. And we need The Hunger Games every year. To remind us all who we truly are.”

“And who are you, do you determine?”

“The victor.” ― from The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes

I’m not my son. Braxton was/is a champion, angel, god. A titan, and so many other things. And he would sit on the corner of the bed, looking at the door. He wanted the fight, but he didn’t chase it. Because there was me. He saw me as worth fighting for. Daddy, always and forever…

But I go out there running every day pretending I’m somebody. I fight to even get out of bed. I need not stir one foot to seek a foe. My fears will have me pinned right here. My lack of funds leaves me nothing. And there is always some female that leaves me weak in the knees. I can’t keep my pants on. I am my own worst enemy. Seriously!

So why go out and chase anybody? Again, you don’t. But that’s when you are a champion, and I’m not. I read. Ha! I write, Ha-Ha. And existence is too much for me. I’m hysterical.

I can’t be bothered chasing others because I’m getting in my own way. Every day. You Never Chase After Opponents.

1107 Days Without B III, Day 548 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 224 ~Virgil, Braxton’s Getting Fired~

“I See Fire.” But trying to keep that raging inferno away from B. I didn’t know how cold I had to be. By Sunday, B’s body was cold. On the 4th there was fire. Three years ago today, there were ashes. Being B’s Dad. Yet Virgil, Braxton’s Getting Fired

Saturday, February 10, 2024

Tale 224 ~Virgil, Braxton’s Getting Fired~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… But that doesn’t mean I can make a joke out of everything. Slavery, Insurrections, Braxton’s Cremation…

Only this is the second thing that came to mind. The first was possibly getting fired for whatever audiobook I decided to listen to yesterday, sigh. Lunalesca, what is today?

The calendar says Saturday, February 10, 2024, but here I am on Wednesday, February 10, 2021. I get a call. And they tell me that I can pick Braxton up. Well, what’s left of him. Eleven days prior, I had already received my “walking papers.” We regret to inform you that your services as a Dad are no longer required. We wish you the best in all future endeavors—no Lunalesca. There was only a bill… And their condolences and a few pamphlets on grieving. A lot of good those did, right Lunalesca? Beta Reader…

I am not. And I should probably be talking to Sophia about my reading selections. Yet, all of 2022 was about mourning my lost boy, and I couldn’t begin to tell you about a particular book. They all blended. And I still feel like this. Oh, but some person asks about HaremLit, and I can name dozens of titles with a review here or there.

Then, it was around seventy days in. When I was ready to fight with my boss. Because all I wanted to do was listen to B’s playlist and cry. That was nearly a job lost.

But being Braxton’s Dad. I swear, Lunalesca, I cannot deal with people. I’ll burn people before I set books to the torch. Speaking of which…

As I think of my boy burning… That was on the 4th. Now, I’m only the King of the Ashes. Anyway. I was nearly fired again because I tried getting with a girl at work. But that was while Braxton was still alive. Hell! How could I have fed us if that happened, Lady Lu?

I got fired as a client because I tried to hook up with the maid. Special K, I swear, Luna. Years ago, I was fired as a college student because I couldn’t stand such humiliation. Lunalesca, that’s a long story. Then I have friends, Braxton’s Aunt, M Anime, and Cherry.

And what about Virgil? Can somebody be fired for friendship? In life, you get burned. But Virgil, B’s Getting Fired.

1105 Days Without B III, Day 546 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 223 ~B’s Worlds Away Virgil~

“King of the ashes?” I’m sure I read that somewhere. You could say I am, as my soon-to-be nineteen-year-old prince sits in a box. And is nothing but ash. Should I read another book about why I feel so guilty? Unfortunately, no. B’s Worlds Away Virgil

Friday, February 9, 2024

Tale 223 ~B’s Worlds Away Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
Let ME tell you a story… At least I’ll give it the good ole college try. But how did that turn out?

My GPA is as low as my son. Um? I’m in some kind of mood, aren’t I? And not just today. Tomorrow? Wednesday, February 10, 2021, where will I be? Running Up That Hill, or rather walking up that aisle, to collect what is left of Braxton Barks Bradford.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, we bury these (censored) in the Earth’s crust. Or keep my boy in a box on the nightstand. “There is another world. There is a better world.” Indeed, my lady. It sounds more like something out of a Black Mirror episode. But no, not yet.

Other than the episode Fifteen Million Merits, I haven’t watched another. And that’s the point of today. There are so many worlds out there, Sophia.

I’m ashamed I didn’t pick up another dog book this week. You saw my reading list this first year that Braxton was gone. Hell! Most of those books said the same thing, my lady. THEY said that we use grief to stay connected to the lost. Three years and counting.

Lady Sophia, I don’t know where I’m going. But I know where I want to be. Ash, dust, dirt? I’m not sure where I stand on the idea of a soul. But, “Somewhere Out There.” Sophia, my boy, is out there. I know it. And that’s what I should be reading about at the moment. Only today, to quote a particular politician. “I don’t want reality.” I want B III.

Playlists, Receipts, the STUPID Bowl.

But take the $13.95 I paid to get another audiobook. Satan’s Sorority Girls 3. I got three words for ya. Natasha (Tasha) Holland. To compare Gray’s college experiences to mine…

I imagine “What Kind Of Man Would I Be” if I had brains or balls. Uh, why not both, hmm? That would make me Darrow “Red Rising” to “Golden Son.” Or Eddie from “Backyard Dungeon” 4 to 5. My library is growing, Lady Sophia. And I’m still not reading with Virgil. At least not on the loveseat as I would and should. My “Lazy Ass!”

So that’s it, Lady Sophia. I’m so tired of crying for Braxton. I read of these other worlds but won’t go. And what of my writing? B’s Worlds Away Virgil

1104 Days Without B III, Day 545 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 222 ~B Plus Death Virgil~

If today was your last day… Well, whenever I fall asleep, I wish, pray, or dream, I never get up. But when my B was here… I imagined we’d fall together in battle. We could ride out the apocalypse. Or lose our minds together, B Plus Death Virgil.

Thursday, February 8, 2024

Tale 222 ~B Plus Death Virgil~

1103 Days Without B III, Day 544 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know the lie I tell everyone. I’m Here. And not watching you die. Again…

Do you ever think about it, Braxton? It’s one of those things I constantly railed about. Inevitably, B, I’d come back to the house and talk about the Day Job I’d quit if I ever could.

There’d be all the dreams that I shared with you. Braxton, I lacked massive cash. Sometimes, we would be all father to son. I’d warn you about your Aunt’s “Cantaloupes.”

Or I was hoping you did something “crazy” so I could send you to your room and look at some… Cantaloupes. I imagine how the critic feels about that word. But you know, Braxton. Melons! Hell! You taught me the best breasts, legs, and thighs came in a bucket.

But my Braxton, O Brother, Where Art Thou? O Death!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoIebIKNS4s

Death? Your Old Man believes in a lot of things. But never death coming for you, my only son. If V wasn’t such a scaredy cat, I’m sure he’d give me your patented look. Remember?

“I’m right here, friend… Dad?”

If I had faith in anything B, it was this. You will not die. And we’re here three years later.

And if you ask me what brought this on. A lack of sleep and the book Red Rising, my B.

Now, this is more of a conversation for Lady Sophia than you. But you know your Dad doesn’t believe in coincidence. I didn’t listen to you in life. But I look for you in death.

So, I was reading about Pax dying to protect Darrow. Darrow called Pax a titan. Now, people have been calling you an angel. And like “The Road,” to THEM, you’re an angel, but to me, you were/are a god, Braxton.

But wait! They say your “kind” looks to humans as gods. And what could defeat the gods, I ask you? Titans. The gods defeated the Titans eventually but look at humanity, Braxton. Your Old Man?

I wish I could say I’m only a boy who misses his “dog.” How dare I? But I’m the devil.

I don’t care how I die, B. As long as it ain’t drowning. Tell me that would bring you back…

How did you think you would die? Brave, bold, beautiful? Not begging me to stay. Daddy’s B Plus Death Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 219 ~Ideas Wait For Busy Hands~

What have I done in the last 1100 days since my B III died? He would be/is approaching his 19th birthday. I swear he was going to be half my age. And with my two hands, I would have been the one saving us. But instead, Ideas Wait For Busy Hands.

Monday, February 5, 2024

Tale 219 ~Ideas Wait For Busy Hands~

Three-Hundredth And Twenty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice
Rules Are Made To Be Broken… And I wouldn’t precisely call prayer as looking busy. Yesterday, I should’ve… Even if it did nothing.

I do mean Thursday, February 4, 2021. And where were these busy hands then, Madam?

Gospel 218 ~Eyes Have It Will~. “Now, with these hands,” I was committing yet another crime. First B III, then me, and then “Dirty Diana.” Without a second thought.

Only I’ll admit I should have been begging for Braxton’s forgiveness all the more, as it was by my hand that B met his end. And I should have been there. “I See Fire” B III.

I saw him die, though. Did I need to see him burn as well? I’ll pay for my crimes; I do not doubt that. And in knowing I’m destined for Hell, I would choose the fire. But with my Treachery… Ice will suffice, I know.

But the rub is this, Madam. Though I have ended my boy, Braxton, myself, and Diana with the stroke of a pen and the push of a button. At the end of the day, I am still here with V.

Any ideas? You know where my hands have been. Oh! What will I tell the man in the mirror this week? Do I mean myself? Today is Thursday, February 1, 2024. And I’m here, huh! So today didn’t go exactly to plan because I shouldn’t be doing anything. Cry, Die?

Don’t I wish? I could say I have a few good ideas, but it wasn’t inspiration, the insanity of losing my son. Or even the indifference that led to his death. Madam, it is fear.

Ask me why these hands do anything, and it’s like Dead Air’s “I Don’t Wanna Die.” That’s from Theresa Walker, to be precise. This is ironic. Because all I want to do is see my son again. And you can ask THEM at the Day Job why I do what I do. Let me fall off a ladder or break my neck doing something. One more reason that we’re talking today. I still hate the place. And if it was between the Day Job and Hell… I’d rent out the Day Job and live in Hell. But my boy won’t be there. So I’ve been asking B III. How do I “See You Again”
hmm?

With Daddy’s two hands doing… Ideas Wait For Busy Hands.

1100 Days Without B III, Day 541 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will