Tag: B III

Saga 287 ~Virgil, Braxton’s Words Away~

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I don’t want to read more bad news. Day Job says you’re worth this? The GOP continues to be racist. Another brother dies, or is it some kids? Some people are above the law. My boy is still gone. And there’s always porn. “Virgil, Braxton’s Words Away”

Friday, April 14, 2023

Saga 287 ~Virgil, Braxton’s Words Away~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I would never stoop to building a “man cave.” A Study, Library, a Gaming Room.

Hell! After reading “Fifty Shades of Grey,” you know I want to build the “Red Room of Pain.” Being a billionaire and all. One day I want to own a brothel. But enough of that. Which is something I’m sure Cherry intends to say. And I’ve talked to Braxton’s Aunt. Only most of these days I’ve been distant. And it’s not like reading is taking that long. It would be a lot more enjoyable if Braxton were here. I was on the loveseat this morning. Oh, don’t get your hopes up. I wasn’t reading but practicing meditation once again, Sophia. More to the point, I wanted to get away from Virgil. That’s the only reason I bothered getting up at all. He took the bed.

What? I didn’t have the heart to move him, so that’s something anyway. Besides Sophia. Does Virgil want to lay beside me as I read about how much I miss Braxton being by my side and not him? And at this rate, I can discover plenty of books about losing furbabies. Well, as long as the Kindle Challenge holds. It was all “fun and games” until Kindle dictated what titles they wanted you to read. It’s kept me away from Triple B for sure. Either that or, as the song goes, these “pornographic passions. Did I mention getting back on Audible, so I could get a book that had cost $34.79? I got it for free with a membership. It’s “Fairy Tale: Succubus, Book 7.”

Because with eyes, at least, all I’ve been reading is “good,” bad, and ugly news. It’s effing everywhere. Last night, I told Braxton’s Aunt I’m always tired. “Close Your Eyes.” There’s always “Oh, ah, ah, ah, ah! Get up, come on, get down with the sickness!” If you want to know where I was the last few minutes. TMI, right? The world, I am, sick. Thursdays are the only time I can tell Braxton about it… I don’t even remember what I told him yesterday, to be honest, and today. There’s so much writing left to do. How much for the Day Job? And what if I say something STUPID? There’s “GULP.” And then Braxton’s books. Let Virgil have the bed. Virgil, Braxton’s Words Away

803 Days Without B III, Day 244 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 286 ~Virgil, You’ll B Who~

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When I think about who I am and who I want to be. Can I go back before the Olds signed whatever in the hospital? Before I signed off on what would happen to B. More writing when V stepped into the world. B and I, we were just us. Virgil, You’ll B Who

Thursday, April 13, 2023

Saga 286 ~Virgil, You’ll B Who~

802 Days Without B III, Day 243 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s polite to ask. Isn’t it? I want to think the best part was me.

Am I feeling good about myself? Considering at the moment, it’s Monday, April 10, 2023. I know I won’t finish our conversation today. But I’m time traveling. And I can already tell you this week is going to suck. I know you can always say that I’m still alive right? But whoever I was the day you left died with you. And how many times has it been B III? I’m still mad at myself. Yes, always about what I did. But if we’re talking about more recent events. Today is Monday. I was supposed to tell Madam Justice all about Rule 287. It says, “Some Are Born Many Times.” I’m missing books on reincarnation. I think I’ve given up in a way—only Death.

Grim effing Reaper, Necromancer, a god? Way before meeting you, B, I had such dreams. Oh, no worries, Triple B; I was lazy then as I am now. Only why am I up right now? There are so many people making their way in this world. Studying medicine, though, Braxton? I’ve told you that there was a time when I wanted to be a veterinarian. One more thing I could’ve done to keep you alive. As far-fetched as it may seem. Because working on people… I don’t know people. And you know what they make me out to be, Braxton—being your Dad. I know who I was, who I am, and I was proud. And who I am now. Who I want to be.

Well, somebody who’s not crying, for starters. Is this because I’m thinking of your cute face? Or that I’m so tired. Be lazy, be dead, be me like father like son. You’d follow me anywhere. And if anything, I’m a dead man. All these books say you’ll beat us there. Rainbow Bridge? I wish I could be the kind that believed in that Braxton. But I wanted to believe in reincarnation too. And then I looked at Virgil, and for a moment, you will be… Popular? Hell! I post Virgil’s picture every day almost… An influencer that has a dog? Not me! And Virgil’s not you. I know that. Braxton, I want to be someone, not thinking of joining you daily. Virgil, You’ll B Who

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 285 ~Braxton Counts Virgil’s Colors~

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Are dogs colorblind? One of my last memories of Braxton, when he was nearly blind, was his running from his granddad into my arms. Hell! Green to live. Make his stepmom turn red. Black to join him. And V’s white. “Braxton Counts Virgil’s Colors”

Wednesday, April 13, 2023

Saga 285 ~Braxton Counts Virgil’s Colors~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now, so I’m not in the lot that can paint with all the colors of the wind.

Hell! I’m having trouble seeing black and white. So that’s today’s first humiliation, sin. I’m time traveling, so today is Monday, April 10, 2023. Meaning this week’s gonna suck. Anyway, today I was supposed to write about Rule 287, “Some Are Born Many Times.” (Sigh) I’m still always thinking about my son. And his lack of reincarnation. V’s colors. Let me get this out. So I couldn’t read what I’d typed prior. And by accident, I repeated Rule 284. “Your Punchline Means My Punches.” Seriously, everything was sharper Sunday. Speaking of which, again, there’s Braxton and his brown, beige, or bronze coloring. My boy is/was the most beautiful thing ever. Then I remember seeing Virgil… Like Braxton spoke, “Can’t get more black and white, Dad.”

That was a mistake. Or maybe I’m crazy. I adored the brown around Virgil’s eyes. Inspector, you know I have an eye for the most beautiful things. Despite their expense. Shouldn’t I be eyeing green as in dollars? Again my focus has been shot to Hell. Well, since Sunday night. That was my loneliest time. Remember? The longest night without B. That was by the time you read this 801 days ago. Inspector, yesterday… I humiliated myself. Begging a girl I found on OnlyFans. Oops! Where’s all my money gone? As always, I would have spent way more than that for the “Lady In Red.” And no, I’m not talking about Ariela in Dirty Latina Maids. Though remembering her Inspector… Opening my eyes now. Woke!

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention today’s shooting. Well, Monday. How does anybody open their eyes anymore? Hell! How does the GOP even sleep, hmm? Money, Inspector? Again something else we have in common because I would rather be lost to the blackness. Inspector, what I mean is, if I had my way. I’d be with my B III… Know what that means? I would lose myself to the darkness I have inside me. Always and forever, Inspector. Braxton’s little brown hairs on my clothes. His love and protection. My pendant of us. And Virgil is as white as a ghost, ha-ha. But three black spots and brown around his eyes that wait. Everyone’s waiting for the black man. Braxton Counts Virgil’s Colors.

801 Days Without B III, Day 242 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 284 ~Solve For B, V~

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I hate Math but History and Reading… Now those were my subjects. And I’m trying my best not to be a Republican should I ever make that billion I’m always talking about. Learning “my” history, love. And, oh, dead fur babies. My Braxton. Solve For B, V

Tuesday, April 11, 2023

Saga 284 ~Solve For B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I should love Math. Like an effing Republican, I should sing “More, More, More!”

I said Sunday… Now, what is it? You know there are some things I can’t seem to escape, love. One of those is that I’m a selfish son of a bitch. Another is that my son is dead. Or would you have me talk about Andrea True or Billy Idol? Make your choice. Mine always is grief. Crying about B keeps me from weeping, raging, or effing the whole world, which is what billionaires do. Once you’re a billionaire, why worry about money? I wish solving for X attributed something to that. Only I doubt it. Science, History. “Where Is The Love?” Oh, that’s something I have to ask the man in the mirror every day, if not every moment, to keep moving forward, love.

You. My love for you is… Well, I want to get as poetic as I want to get political, love, which is why I’m talking to you on a Sunday. That’s something, right? And the fact that I even climbed out of bed and put on clothes. Braxton’s hoody as usual, but winning. I don’t know if it’s the meditation that I’ve started. This is the 8th day. I’m always adding something new to my plate, and speaking of which, vitamins? Everything, nothing? I can’t say that I’m feeling better. But Baby Girl, you “Keep On Liftin'” me. Anesthesia? Do you remember the “Dark Nightingale” from “Rumble Roses?” Anatomy, Breasts?” Growing up, there was a time I thought sex and/or money fixed damn near anything.

And considering it’s Sunday, so 100 Days. And after B died, it was 161… impossible. I always return to the numbers. He’s been gone… WOW! 800 Days today. And I’m still alive with V 241 Days. I can’t say it’s love, but he has his appointment for shots. But as for love, “My Love,” or should I go older as I sing this AHEM, “living for the love of you.” And that ain’t ever gonna change. Even though it’s been 100 Days. And more, I hope so. Why? I had Cherry ask me that. Considering I’m always in the mood, Baby Doll. I love you, I love our family, I love my boy. Virgil’s alright. And my XXX? To love me? Solve For B, V

800 Days Without B III, Day 241 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 283 ~Your Punchline Means My Punches~

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“Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth,” I believe that was Tyson. One more reason I love B. He didn’t talk much, and he barked at everyone else. Then there are earbuds. But I talk to myself… oh no! Your Punchline Means My Punches.

Monday, April 10, 2023

Saga 283 ~Your Punchline Means My Punches~

Two-Hundred and Eighty-Fourth Rule

NOTE: I wrote about this effing rule twice! So much for my focus and concentration!

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now… Now that’s funny. But I can buy more than $10.00 Walmart earbuds with that money. Work harder?

I rather hurt my ears than my hands today. However, considering what time it is. I did both this morning. Must have. I punched out a clock or went deaf. Who knows. Well, Braxton would or does… I’ve talked about the looks he’d give me; what I wouldn’t give for one of those looks now. And I try to recreate them with Virgil. He’s not Triple B, reincarnated. Oh, I’m reading yet another book on dying fur babies. Find that funny, huh? Not you, of course, Madam. You and all the girls know how I feel about my son. And with everything people have made fun of me about. Even the universe knows that my B III. He’s off-limits. Unheard, unseen… humor; why so serious

Only there’s plenty to make fun of me about. Though if we’re talking about something like last night… I’ll say I’m more sad and pathetic than angry. If Cherry understood. Okay, last night I spent more money, $35.00, to see some titties. Online strippers (sigh). There’s always the fact that I’m begging to see Cherry’s yabbos and M Anime. Haven’t I said before men and women can’t be friends? Friends, but there’s always, um, desire…

Hell! Braxton was my best friend, and I effed him worse than anybody. I killed him.

Anyway, there was this other girl who reminded me somewhat of cuckolding. Maybe that was General Hospital when Elizabeth was sleeping with Lucky’s half-brother. Getting way off the subject… I don’t care for laughter.

So what joke gets me to punch someone in the face? I’m surprised I still have the Day Job for one. Again I killed my son. Euthanasia. I don’t need the cops outside the door like last night. Well, that was more Fire Department and an Ambulance for the neighbors.

Punishment for what happened to Braxton. I still deserve it. But yes, I’m frightened (sigh). In a way, Madam, I’m so busy hurting myself in this way or that. The Cherry Collision or denying myself release from pornographic passions… It’s easy to get angry. Rageful. Madam, this existence is a joke. And when other people remind me of it… Madness. That’s why I like hearing about “My Dick.” No Joke? Your Punchline Means My Punches

799 Days Without B III, Day 240 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 280 ~Braxton Reads To Virgil~

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This is the first poem/song I’ve written in forever. I need to write the “Balance” App a good review… As I have no idea where this came from. Focus? When am I not focused on porn? When I’m crying about my boy. And my country? Braxton Reads To Virgil.

Friday, April 7, 2023

Saga 280 ~Braxton Reads To Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Yeah, when pigs fly… Oh, really? Well then, when dogs read. But Braxton was much more.

“He’s My Son.” But, “he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” Isn’t that great? I’m crying at 7:20 AM. At least the tears kept me from reading the alarm clock for the 3 hours I wasted. It’s a miracle to get up on time for anything but Hell. Um, “Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?” Okay, I’ll quit with all the songs, but they beat the Bible slightly? It’s “Good Friday,” Lady Sophia. And even though I want the miracle of Braxton coming back… I won’t be reading the “Good Book.” You know, like the Republicans who are saying today “Good Riddance” to two black lawmakers. First, I didn’t realize that was the title of a song. Second, To the Tennessee GOP Ahem: FUCK YOU!

You see, it wasn’t all porn I was reading as I dried my tears and wasted time today. But since we’re on the subject. When are we not when it comes to my horniness every day. (Sigh) Internet Porn, Ahem:

Money Talks to Jessi Stone. Another, Jessie, likes to roam. At Dong’s Diner,
Rasberry, to Residents a drink, be wary. OnlyFans but Magy’s vag.
Magical but in a bag. Dollies’ hands. The Savior’s man. Momo’s tits while Dani’s sick. Dirty maids, not today. But on the floor, there’s lingerie.
And Ukraine a Stormy way. With little pricks of presidents, Blonde Melody, and BBCs.
Parker’s boned, but Tennessee? M Anime, the news today? Getting harder anyway.
And Fuu amongst the samurai and Retweeting all the hentai, and the final fantasy of Cherry’s body longed to see

We Didn’t Start The Horny

What the eff! I have no idea where that came from, Lady Sophia. I meant to make a “We Didn’t Start The Fire” reference. I guess I lied about the music, huh? But with all the “adult” themes today. Be it porn or politics (sigh). I meant to tell you everything I wouldn’t be reading today but now? Other than the fact I’ve spent an hour rewording this song… Why? Let’s say… I care about Virgil Vivi and don’t want him abandoned. If I said everything, Sophia. As I’m sure, Braxton tells Virgil, which is why Virgil is hiding in here. Braxton, my little ghost dog? Braxton Reads To Virgil

796 Days Without B III, Day 237 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 279 ~Virgil Says, B Lazy~

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I was so lazy today. I didn’t remember how effed I felt yesterday. Or how about how sick I’ve been since when February 16? And with the Day Job, how many people do I owe money to? Well, B got out, and Virgil isn’t really helping. Virgil Says, B Lazy.

Thursday, April 6, 2023

Saga 279 ~Virgil Says, B Lazy~

795 Days Without B III, Day 236 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Am I even listening to you or anyone worthwhile? Well, to be honest, that’s you.

And I want to say I hear you, B. Hell! There was a time we could read each other’s minds. You never lost that ability, but you know how humans are. I was telling Inspector Echo last night that I’m not human. Only that would be an insult to the monster or savage I claim to be. Regardless. Today I have been lazy… And sick too. Remember those 4 AMs? I can’t say I’ve been doing much writing. And didn’t NaNoWriMo start up again, B? There was a time you would have wanted me to play with you all day. Or I would bring the laptop outside. And I would type as you run around; or bring your pillow. Nowadays, I’m listening to mine because of Virgil… I can’t say I understand him yet, B.

So I’m making it up that he’s happy. If I’m not being some asshole GOP Trumptard. Then I’m my Olds. Pretending that everything is okay and not wanting to hear a damn thing ever. Your last year on Earth, Braxton, you prepared me for this world to go to Hell. Because if I wasn’t going to get up off my ass to save it? I could at least save us. And how did that turn out? I failed you. And all I’ve been thinking about is how much I want to hear you again. Heartbeat, breath, those little grunts when I was annoying. Infamous looks? Those I remember most. You didn’t have to say anything.

Now, what am I listening to? My body? If that were the case, why not turn on the AC ha? I wish I could say it was this sickness, The Cherry Collision. Today’s better (snickers). There’s some girl you never met… Better known as M Anime, so texting all morning. There’s, of course, sex. But I never flaunted that in front of you. Endless punishment. Ironic. Isn’t it? I wanted you to get in trouble or do your own thing so I could do whatever; now, going on Day 97 (sigh). Hell! Not that you care to hear that or my record of 161 days. That’s what I call being lazy or sad. Not living but existing. Lazy and not dying? Virgil Says, B Lazy

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 278 ~Placed For B, Virgil~

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What do you want to be when you grow up? Or who? I wanted to be Dennis Hof, and Braxton would be my Domino. I wouldn’t mind switching places with Johnny Sins. I want to write. Hell! To have a family. But where in this existence… Placed For B, Virgil.

Wednesday, March 29, 2023

Saga 278 ~Placed For B, Virgil~

Forgive Me, Echo,
I AM a Billionaire right now. Because I want to build myself a world; belong to one. Or bring my Braxton back.

But there is no place for either one of us here. I found that out yet again yesterday. And all day today, I’ve been losing my effing mind thinking… What happens to Virgil if I leave in one way or another? Speaking of which, I need to set up his vet appointment after counting so much cash. I would have more if my place weren’t in this bedroom. Hell! I should appreciate it, right, Inspector? Again I was terrified today. Effing Day Job. Then again, don’t I belong in Hell? I murdered my son, for starters. (Sigh) Inspector. There’s a word for what I’ve done… euthanasia. A place for my GRIEF, Inspector. Books. And then there’s my FEAR, DEPRESSION, and my endless RAGE. Going nowhere

Monsters live in nightmares, which is why I’m always dreaming. I am an effing monster. But at least that means there’s somewhere to go. There’s nowhere to be, Inspector, as I lied here last night with another foot in my ass again. And yes, Inspector, it was a well-deserved kick, even if I don’t know the circumstances. So, when have I ever been told such? Anyway, I was reading. And the book, like many others, talked about Braxton living within. Fair enough. But I see where his bed has moved. Inspector, his pillow was destroyed. Who’s eating out of his bowls now? And sleeping by my side as he has nowhere to be now? And like Virgil, I find myself placed and displaced. Always, forever

Ask me where I want to be, and the answer is simple. I want to be with Braxton. One more reason I’m mad at Virgil. Not abusive, only angry. And that’s not his fault. More mine for my cowardice that I didn’t join B III when I had the chance. I’m not learning from history. Republican 101. Except I don’t have a chance in Hell. Of sleeping with Stormy Daniels. With the lack of funds, between ensuring Virgil doesn’t suffer, Braxton’s Barks final fate ha. There’s always Akane wa Tsumare Somerareru and Saimin Seishidou, Inspector. Inspector, I could be creating the world of my dreams. Being a family man, an effing pervert, an effing man. Braxton’s Father. Monster, Savage, Human, gone. Placed For B, Virgil

794 Days Without B III, Day 235 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 277 ~Ringing B’s Mother Virgil~

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Should’ve put a ring on it or something. I know I’m not looking for love; I’m no fighter. But I did watch NXT and “WrestleMania.” I absolutely hate it when the phone rings… No wonder I never found Braxton a mom, um, stepmom. Ringing B’s Mother Virgil

Tuesday, April 4, 2023

Saga 277 ~Ringing B’s Mother Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. And that ain’t ever gonna change. Hell! I have no interest in buying Twitter. But Reincarnation?

The man I used to be. Believe it or not, I was a single father before I met you… Sorry. Baby girl, I know you aren’t like one of “those” people. You’re not like anyone I have ever known before, and that’s the thing. My son was unlike anyone I had ever met. Braxton was/is love. And if it hadn’t been for him… Well, I was pretty effed up. To say the least. This explains how I’m feeling right now. The pain comes and goes. It gets worse. And the fact remains that I don’t give a damn. Um? Okay, I’m not rushing back to the Doc anytime soon after what happened last time. I can’t stand people. Most people… But as Taylor Swift sang:

“It’s me, hi, I’m the problem, it’s me.”
Taylor Swift

Are the kids into her? It’s not something I should have to ask if I was doing my job, ha. Not a job, being a father. For as long as I wanted to be one. How about a husband too? And a good man. I figured B III would be a part of that, as I’ve said. Many, many times. This would be a family for both of us. Except I ain’t sharing your boobs. Like father, like son, hehe. It always makes me smile when I think about him being hugged by his aunt. And as much as I enjoy Star Wars, B would not let me dress him up for anything I know. And then there’s The Walking Dead. My zombie apocalypse buddy

If anything, that’s how I feel right now. I’ve been better, and I’ve been worse. But sometime last night, it was like, DAMN. I’m staying hydrated and trying to rest plenty. Braxton would be all over me right about now. But considering this is like The Zoe Colletti/Tifa Lockhart Incident on January 11, 2022. And The Cherry Collision Thursday, February 16, 2023. Oh no, I didn’t forget. And I wouldn’t want my son involved in this. Only I would try to get well for his sake. If something happened to me? Braxton and I were all, “We ride together. We die together. Bad boys for life.” Now there’s you, kids, V. (Looks at your ring, the phone, Virgil without a collar). Ringing B’s Mother Virgil

793 Days Without B III, Day 234 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 276 ~Sanity Is A Valuable Possession~

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My head hurts or heads… Know why? Don’t stick your dick in crazy. And at the same time, don’t get out of bed in the morning. If I had my way, I wouldn’t. Hell, I would have joined my boy wherever he went. Insane idea? Sanity Is A Valuable Possession.

Monday, April 3, 2023

Saga 276 ~Sanity Is A Valuable Possession~

Two-Hundred and Eighty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice
I AM a Billionaire right now. When will that be true? Here’s a better question. When will I be healthy… um physically? Mentally (cue) Am I A Psycho?

Because SANE? No! Which already puts me in a bad position. What would you call being SAD for 792 days and counting? Despite every emotion. Why? MY SON IS DEAD! Braxton is gone, Madam. Now I’ve been sad before. Hell! Long before ever meeting him. I can’t say I’ve ever been a bastion of sanity. And with the world, as it is. We’re all broke. At least when it comes to our reason, all I have are excuses. I’m an effing Republican; because I’m not reasonable, ready, or right ever. Madam, accepting my effing insanity. Singing, “But I can’t walk on the path of the right because I’m wrong.” Again as I’ve said, I’ll take physical pain over any and all mental anguish, dear Madam.

Because SICKNESS? That’s what I thought about all day at the Day Job; that I deserve this pain. And why? Because of what I did to my boy? I’ll never forgive myself for that sin. So every day, I wake up with the thought of joining Triple B whenever. Madam, this morning as I was brushing my teeth, I found my hand was bloody. I went from, “is this a tooth,” to “it’s finally happening; I’m dying.” I think it’s from where I cut my chin shaving… But that’s not healthy. To be so in love with the idea of death. Zombies, Necromancy, Infection, etc… At least if I’m hurt, I’m not thinking about other things; if you knew what I was thinking Sunday afternoon.

Because SEX? Some people want life to be like some musical; I see existence as one huge porno set. Yesterday it was Street Blowjobs. I told this story before about the lady at the store years ago. The blonde that asked for money. If I had been a better man… or a worse one? Anyway, different woman, same scenario. And I flat-out refused to give anything. Madam, if only she had been prettier. I could have closed my eyes, Madam. Wouldn’t that make it harder to read… no offense to the braille or audiobooks. I’m thinking of those two stories on that app I saw this morning. Maddening being sexual. Because my desires aren’t sane, my existence found lacking… whatever. Sanity Is A Valuable Possession.

792 Days Without B III, Day 233 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will