Tale 236 ~Virgil Looks Up B~

Meanwhile, my bank account won’t be looking up forever. This is America… A $1,000.00? Ha! But I can get my ears lowered. I can get 2V’s nails cut. And I can dial down my crazy with music, movies, and manuscripts. But B’s… Up there. Virgil Looks Up B.

Thursday, February 22, 2024

Tale 236 ~Virgil Looks Up B~

1117 Days Without B III, Day 558 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? How’s Heaven been treating you? The Rainbow Bridge? Things in my broken heart… Wherever B.

All I know is this. I’m here. And I hate looking in mirrors. I still miss looking into your eyes.

What about V’s eyes? “Not a trace of a doubt in my mind” B, that when people saw us together, they knew you were/are my son. And I continue to believe in “He Lives In You.” That’s one reason I should take better care of myself. At least, right? Good Luck, huh? And again, I look to Virgil. I haven’t claimed him as a son yet. Like a child looking to be formally adopted… But the first time I saw him, he reminded me of you. I should have taken the eye doctor up on new glasses. Yeah, I know, Braxton, I’m being a meanie.

More like a douche, which is what I called you remember? My little douche. And while I shouldn’t say that, it’s not like the critic cares. My words have been such a mess that I haven’t heard from them. Other than you need to get professional help or some therapy.

I don’t have the funds for that Braxton. But with my windfall… It’s that what I’m calling that $1,000.00? It’s less now, considering I should pay off the termite guy sometime this week. Bills? Goody.

I’m time traveling. Today is Monday, February 19, 2024. And I was talking to Madam Justice about the house falling apart. But how about me and Virgil? Again, no doctors. But I could get a haircut. Dog Bath, Nail Grind…

If you’re looking down on us from somewhere, we might as well be “Lookin’ Fly.”

I swear, Braxton, I will make a playlist of all the songs you send me on any given day. I should have something more than songs that make me cry thinking about you, B. Sigh.

I remember the days I would look up from my naps and see you sitting on the corner of the bed. You were on guard duty protecting this room that I never want to leave. Virgil looks to you as if wondering how he can make me happy. Again, Good Luck to him. You couldn’t do that either. You could only make me a Dad. Someone worth something. Can Virgil? Hope. Virgil Looks Up B

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 231 ~Later V, Later B~

I’ve said this so many times. The last thing my son would hear before I left out the door was, Love ya, B, Love ya, Braxton. Now replace later with love, and you have V’s days. But as far as loving myself? Nope! It’s always later. “Later V, Later B.”

Saturday, February 17, 2024

Tale 231 ~Later V, Later B~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… And even if that happened… At this very moment, I would already be late. Braxton’s gone.

Well, I have one more year… Hell! You could give me “A Thousand Years.” It’s not the “1st of tha Month” yet. And you’ll always hear me singing about “Another Day…” I’m sorry about the playlist, Lady Lunalesca, and critic. I had a terrible nightmare during my “cutting off alarms” nap. I needed something to take my mind off things. So there’s that. And also I’m listening to Lofi Girl. Looking up more songs will make me even later. Sigh.

Not that I have anywhere to be today. This whole week, it’s been the Day Job. And keeping Virgil and me alive. If he and I have anything in common, it’s this one question. Why?

The both of us spend more time sleeping than anything. That was great for Braxton at fifteen, but Virgil will be four. And that’s if I make it to forty. If anything happens to me… In the best-case scenario, Virgil goes back to the friends he left when I “rescued” him. If only I had been later, Saturday, August 13, 2022. Virgil, AKA Archie, could have had better luck than meeting me. But no! I continued to search for Braxton’s reincarnated self. But, like God, I was wrong. Way wrong…

And I’ve been feeling wrong for quite a while now. 1112 days. But today, Lunalesca…

I knew I was late. Yesterday, on Thursday, February 16, 2023, was The Cherry Collision. Lunalesca, that explains why I was so hot, hard, and horny looking up Kininaru Kimochi. Better the hottest girls in the nastiest situations… Wraith Babes?

Then again, I wish I could have the woman I love telling me she’s late. But I have yet to find her, Lady Lunalesca. Again, at my age, why bother even going out? There’s Virgil.

Only I still want to see my B waking up late. He could keep the Grim Reaper waiting a little longer. Lady Lunalesca, 2025 was going to be the year. Would I be ready? Ha!

I’m not ready for today. On top of everything else, I still have to read one whole book today. But everything comes later. Or it’s me being a “Lazy Ass.”

As the late Carl Weathers, AKA Apollo Creed, said, “There Is No Tomorrow!” So… go outside? Later V, Later B

1112 Days Without B III, Day 553 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 229 ~Don’t B STUPID, Virgil~

I called my son plenty of things. Never STUPID. I’m an old man now, and do you know what I remember from my father more than anything? Being STUPID, which explains my existence plenty. Yet B trusted that I knew how to save him… Don’t B STUPID, Virgil

Thursday, February 15, 2024

Tale 229 ~Don’t B STUPID, Virgil~

1110 Days Without B III, Day 551 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Whenever your Dad breaks out The Big S-word, it’s been a time, you know. Sigh.

I don’t need to tell you, but I tell you everything, so… STUPID is a dirty word. I can’t say I was the best Dad in the world. But I never called you STUPID. And I won’t call Virgil that either. Hell! Even this morning, I only shook my head and said, “Not cool.” V “went” all over the pan today. I swear I need to buy him one. One more memory of you, Braxton.

That brings me to today. My Little B, I don’t want to be STUPID. I’m A Believer, NOT! But if I were one for prayer, I would ask for three things. “I said he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” You’re not Aladdin, either. But three wishes, prayers, or whatever.

I would pray for you, my son. Next would be… Don’t let me be STUPID. Then I don’t want to be scared. Although STUPID and scared, they have to be sisters. So after … sex.

Do you know Tomoko Nomura? Of course, you do, Braxton. As I’ve told your aunt and M Anime… oh boy, I hope we get to her today. Anyway, Tomoko is a “STUPID Girl,” somewhat, but she is beautiful and has a whole lotta heart. And what brings her to mind today? Braxton, you are your father’s son, as in liking girls with nice big Yabbos.

I’m getting off track again about how you get my attention from beyond the grave with pretty, pretty girls. So what’s my point, B III?

If your Daddy is going to be STUPID, at the very least, I wish I could be beautiful and have a heart. Hell! Every day, I remember the looks you would give. Be better, Daddy.

And I imagine you now looking from wherever, saying, don’t be scared. Don’t be sad.

But STUPID? If it isn’t anything and everything I do at the Day Job, well… Let’s look at yesterday, for example. Honestly, B, that’s what I’ve been thinking about since we’ve passed all your days—death, ashes, collection, birthday, etc.

Gotta put your heart “on the line,” right? Um, Valentine’s Day? I haven’t spoken to M Anime. People get busy, caught up, and everything. Me? I feel STUPID. Tell me why. Don’t B STUPID, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 224 ~Virgil, Braxton’s Getting Fired~

“I See Fire.” But trying to keep that raging inferno away from B. I didn’t know how cold I had to be. By Sunday, B’s body was cold. On the 4th there was fire. Three years ago today, there were ashes. Being B’s Dad. Yet Virgil, Braxton’s Getting Fired

Saturday, February 10, 2024

Tale 224 ~Virgil, Braxton’s Getting Fired~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… But that doesn’t mean I can make a joke out of everything. Slavery, Insurrections, Braxton’s Cremation…

Only this is the second thing that came to mind. The first was possibly getting fired for whatever audiobook I decided to listen to yesterday, sigh. Lunalesca, what is today?

The calendar says Saturday, February 10, 2024, but here I am on Wednesday, February 10, 2021. I get a call. And they tell me that I can pick Braxton up. Well, what’s left of him. Eleven days prior, I had already received my “walking papers.” We regret to inform you that your services as a Dad are no longer required. We wish you the best in all future endeavors—no Lunalesca. There was only a bill… And their condolences and a few pamphlets on grieving. A lot of good those did, right Lunalesca? Beta Reader…

I am not. And I should probably be talking to Sophia about my reading selections. Yet, all of 2022 was about mourning my lost boy, and I couldn’t begin to tell you about a particular book. They all blended. And I still feel like this. Oh, but some person asks about HaremLit, and I can name dozens of titles with a review here or there.

Then, it was around seventy days in. When I was ready to fight with my boss. Because all I wanted to do was listen to B’s playlist and cry. That was nearly a job lost.

But being Braxton’s Dad. I swear, Lunalesca, I cannot deal with people. I’ll burn people before I set books to the torch. Speaking of which…

As I think of my boy burning… That was on the 4th. Now, I’m only the King of the Ashes. Anyway. I was nearly fired again because I tried getting with a girl at work. But that was while Braxton was still alive. Hell! How could I have fed us if that happened, Lady Lu?

I got fired as a client because I tried to hook up with the maid. Special K, I swear, Luna. Years ago, I was fired as a college student because I couldn’t stand such humiliation. Lunalesca, that’s a long story. Then I have friends, Braxton’s Aunt, M Anime, and Cherry.

And what about Virgil? Can somebody be fired for friendship? In life, you get burned. But Virgil, B’s Getting Fired.

1105 Days Without B III, Day 546 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 222 ~B Plus Death Virgil~

If today was your last day… Well, whenever I fall asleep, I wish, pray, or dream, I never get up. But when my B was here… I imagined we’d fall together in battle. We could ride out the apocalypse. Or lose our minds together, B Plus Death Virgil.

Thursday, February 8, 2024

Tale 222 ~B Plus Death Virgil~

1103 Days Without B III, Day 544 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know the lie I tell everyone. I’m Here. And not watching you die. Again…

Do you ever think about it, Braxton? It’s one of those things I constantly railed about. Inevitably, B, I’d come back to the house and talk about the Day Job I’d quit if I ever could.

There’d be all the dreams that I shared with you. Braxton, I lacked massive cash. Sometimes, we would be all father to son. I’d warn you about your Aunt’s “Cantaloupes.”

Or I was hoping you did something “crazy” so I could send you to your room and look at some… Cantaloupes. I imagine how the critic feels about that word. But you know, Braxton. Melons! Hell! You taught me the best breasts, legs, and thighs came in a bucket.

But my Braxton, O Brother, Where Art Thou? O Death!

Death? Your Old Man believes in a lot of things. But never death coming for you, my only son. If V wasn’t such a scaredy cat, I’m sure he’d give me your patented look. Remember?

“I’m right here, friend… Dad?”

If I had faith in anything B, it was this. You will not die. And we’re here three years later.

And if you ask me what brought this on. A lack of sleep and the book Red Rising, my B.

Now, this is more of a conversation for Lady Sophia than you. But you know your Dad doesn’t believe in coincidence. I didn’t listen to you in life. But I look for you in death.

So, I was reading about Pax dying to protect Darrow. Darrow called Pax a titan. Now, people have been calling you an angel. And like “The Road,” to THEM, you’re an angel, but to me, you were/are a god, Braxton.

But wait! They say your “kind” looks to humans as gods. And what could defeat the gods, I ask you? Titans. The gods defeated the Titans eventually but look at humanity, Braxton. Your Old Man?

I wish I could say I’m only a boy who misses his “dog.” How dare I? But I’m the devil.

I don’t care how I die, B. As long as it ain’t drowning. Tell me that would bring you back…

How did you think you would die? Brave, bold, beautiful? Not begging me to stay. Daddy’s B Plus Death Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 217 ~B Third’s Place Virgil~

Braxton, Money, Porno, Virgil, Sleep… I could be President, repeating five words. But comedy comes in threes. Or tragedy? B III, Virgil, and then me. And when it comes to existence, I’m usually not even in the race, but “JSS.” B Third’s Place Virgil.

Saturday, February 3, 2024

Tale 217 ~B Third’s Place Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… But that would still fall behind my Braxton. And my love of beautiful buxom… never mind.

At least I could enjoy all three from the comfort of the bed, Lady Lunalesca. So why aren’t I there right now? “Lonely as I am, together we cry,” as the song goes. This is the first tune for today. What will be the second and third? Braxton’s playlist? Honestly? I’m a bit too tired to think about it, Lu.

To never sleep again… That would be a fine punishment. Considering what I was doing around this time three years ago. And I know I keep saying that, Lady Lunalesca, but here I was Gospel 217 ~You’re Killing Me, Will.~ I was confessing to my crime. Or rather, three sins. Misanthropy, Murder, and Madness. Hell! Nowadays, I take first place when it comes to the people, that I… never mind.

What’s with all the censoring? My favorite critic has been awfully quiet. Other than recommending that I get professional help. But that takes money. And that’s one more reason I’m up so early. Not that I’m headed to the Day Job to make pennies. I have some shopping to do. And when was the last Saturday I was up and about my dear Lady Lu?

Virgil is sitting in my lap. And what would his place be in this existence? If you and the girls have been listening to me this week. Virgil would be the middle child right now—children, the three of us—Braxton, Virgil, and me. Only Virgil hasn’t learned to pretend.

What? To be a man.” Now Braxton was Lady Lunalesca.

Who was I talking to about “The Cress Theory,” I heard in “Baby Boy.” I’m not going to get all political today. Again, Lady Lunalesca, I’m exhausted. I was planning on getting six hours of sleep. But what did I do for at least an hour? And why was I up at 5:00 AM instead of 4:00 AM? Oh, I was up, and seriously, Lady Lunalesca. Say It! Never mind.

Though I might have to look up some of those beats used by “Love Wolf.” I swear I am a sick “man.” Which would be right on brand for me, considering my searches in 2023. Saga 217 “Nosey About Virgil, Braxton.” Listing out Japanese “animations.

Writing, shopping, preparing for the 4th. B Third’s Place Virgil.

1098 Days Without B III, Day 539 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 215 ~B For Virgil’s Freedom~

While I’m listening to my son’s playlist, “Love Is A Long Road.” What about loss or living? There’s also something called Acceptance… No, it’s not happening! There is a term I have been hearing. Freedom… from what, for what? “B For Virgil’s Freedom.”

Thursday, February 1, 2024

Tale 215 ~B For Virgil’s Freedom~

1096 Days Without B III, Day 537 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I mean, today is only just beginning, and yesterday… Is this what they call ACCEPTANCE?

Three years and counting. And I should have done more B. I know. But wasn’t that the whole point? If I had listened to you that Wednesday. I could have scrapped the Day Job that Thursday. And Friday? You weren’t dead yet. But they said you were on your way. And as I posted yesterday about you, “I said, he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” You were my savior.

How many pop culture references is that, by the way…? “When You Were Young?” “Send “Me On My Way.” And religious wise? I didn’t pray.

But that brings me to hearing your voice today and the first song I did hear today, Little B. Songbird…

While I was thinking about you, wherever you are, even if I’m stuck here crying over you. B, let me say… “And I wish you all the love in the world. But most of all, I wish it from myself.”

I think I finally understand that dream I had a couple of weeks back. You know, the one when you were a seagull. And you were eating some book I wrote. I wondered why you would be a seagull when there are so many birds in the world. Seagulls are known for making noise but not singing. They are also known for eating garbage. So yeah, you eating something I wrote. But why? Well, considering my slogging through pages, Braxton. It’s all garbage. Free garbage.

You’re not free to leave it yet, Braxton. I was trying to explain to your Aunt how I repeat the same routine year after year. I haven’t let you go. And I won’t be doing that. And here I go, crying again. Anyway. Like in life, you didn’t feel free to leave me. My selfishness. Braxton, you hang out, having to take the garbage your Daddy continues to spew forth.

And is that why V cries? He’s at least the color of a seagull. But it’s as if he isn’t free to be himself because, for the 537 days since he arrived, he only gets the scraps of “love. B.

Oh, what would it take to be free? All of us? It won’t be today. The 4th, 10th, 13th, 14th etc. B For Virgil’s Freedom

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 210 ~B Free Before Virgil~

The last freedoms I gave my son… Freedom from food deprivation as he starved himself. Freedom from his fool of a father. And the freedom from fighting one more day even as he looked at me begging to stay. No, his daddy’s a slave. B Free Before Virgil

Saturday, January 27, 2024

Tale 210 ~B Free Before Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… I said that three years ago. The more things change, the more they stay the same.

Yet things have changed. Not war! “War, War Never Changes.” I had to quote, “Fallout?” Anyway, what would I know about war? “It’s no surprise to me; I am my own worst enemy,” as the song goes. But about the things that have changed from the time of B III.

Three years ago… 2021, Gospel 210 ~Will To Break Free~

The crime I feared I had committed was nothing compared to what I was doing at that moment. Braxton was dying and besides fear… There was anger, rage. My INDIFFERENCE!

Last year… um, 2023, Saga 210 ~Mediums B, V, Granddaddy~

Hell! I wasn’t any better as I had forgotten about Braxton in his hour of need. My exhaustion and, again, INDIFFERENCE made me forget Virgil.

To be free of my boys. To be free of myself. If I was going to “Do It!” You know what I mean, Lady Lunalesca. Let me sing, “Feeling super, super, super suicidal.” Though, to be honest. This morning, I didn’t even need the alarm. I downed an energy shot first thing as well. So there goes the alarm-canceling nap I indulge in. Ok. To have such freedom, ha-ha. Speaking of freedom, “mine” lasted from Monday, February 1, 2021, to Saturday, August 13, 2022. What a way to put Braxton’s passing and Virgil’s arrival. 1091 days and 532 days, respectively.

Freedom is something I hear about nonstop these days. And those who say it have no idea of its true meaning. Like I do, Lunalesca?

Was I free on Thursday, January 27, 2022 Lunalesca? Chronicle 210 ~Getting A Bye B~. I’ve avoided talking about that year for the most part because it was the first year without Braxton, or nearly. Freedom not to care. People are slaves to everything Lunalesca. Somehow, it’s liberating, an exercise in freedom, to choose who, what, or why we serve. Like I haven’t given you enough pop culture today… “A man chooses, a slave obeys.” Lunalesca, “In serving each other, we become free.” And that was my life with Braxton. As much as I felt Fear, Fury… um another F was nothing because of fatherhood. Lunalesca, Braxton came first. Without him, freedom’s a word. Fear, obsession, pain, sadness, I’m a slave. B Free Before Virgil.

1091 Days Without B III, Day 532 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 208 ~Will B Talking, Virgil~

Sad as the world is, I still talk to my dead furry son Braxton because he beats everybody still walking around. Not that I can say I am any better. I only wished I’d talked to him more. Before the Thursday, he really got sick. Will B Talking, Virgil.

Thursday, January 25, 2024

Tale 208 ~Will B Talking, Virgil~

1089 Days Without B III, Day 530 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Will I have a good day? Considering it’s 5:30 AM and the flashbacks have started.

Three years ago… Monday, January 25, 2021, Gospel 208 ~Collective Madness Is Called Sanity~. I was scared for you. Of course, it wasn’t all about you, and it should’ve been. Only, did you know? I was busy crying about stuff I had done. I had no idea that “There Are Worse Things I Could Do.” Like never speaking to you again. I didn’t know, Braxton.

But I know today is the last day I’ll speak to you before the three-year mark of your passing. There is something about that number, like fifteen, thirty-nine, and whatever is in the bank now.

Not that it matters this week. But I wish I’d planned better. “Even if you knew what to do, you wouldn’t know what to do.”

How do you talk to a dead man? A child? Because that is what you’ll always be to me, B. My child, my son, and my little prince. And all the times I would tell you that you would be as tall as a king one day. Yep, and I sent you straight to Heaven. Only I didn’t tell you that’s where you were going. I didn’t know how to talk to you that week. Hell! According to my own words, that week, I was speaking to Madam Justice on the Thursday before the week began. And I posted on Sunday, January 24, 2021. But let’s not get bogged down in the numbers. As the song goes, say what you need to say. So what?

I know with utmost certainty that Virgil is not you reincarnated. And you’re no zombie. And even if you were, and with my appointment with the eye doctor, I’d never see it, Braxton. So I wouldn’t be able to put you down. Did I really say that? You were breathing.

Braxton, you were alive, if not well. And there is paperwork showing I did that. And why was that again? Um, I am your father… I need to shut up. There are plenty of reasons to. Because I don’t want to say goodbye? I’m sorry, isn’t going to fix anything. To prove I’m not crazy…

Wednesday, January 31, 2024, we’ll be closer than ever, and the day after that, B III. Will B Talking, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 203 ~That’ll B Morning, Virgil~

A message from Braxton… When I got up today, the first song was Here Comes The Sun (Nina Simone). V and I haven’t been fans of going outside. He could use a jacket. And I could use my cuddly firstborn. Here comes the son. “That’ll B Morning, Virgil.”

Saturday, January 20, 2024

Tale 203 ~That’ll B Morning, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now… Which means I should have some company logo. Whatever happened to the SCC? Second Circle Creations.

Most mornings begin with Triple B. Of course, I mean my son. But there are also books and boobs in trying to keep a great attitude. I finished Eric Vall’s “Satan’s Sorority Girls 4,” Lunalesca.

Though I am surprised, Grayson didn’t get another girl. I thought Fiona or Chrissy for sure. But that’s more a discussion for Lady Sophia. Books and boobs… Why not both? Plus, it’s Saturday. This means I can talk about whatever I want. So how about some R and R. Oh and R as comedy comes in threes? Regret, rest, and reason. I knew I would regret staying up late last night, which explains why I’m late speaking this fine Saturday morning. Hell! I missed Smackdown yesterday as the days blend together. Braxton’s Last Month, Lunalesca.

As far as rest and reason. I’ve recorded two naps with Balance already. And do I feel any more rested, Lunalesca? I’ll add to the regret list my lack of money and needing energy shots. Now, when we look at reason… This week, I’ve been looking back at the “man” I was in 2021. Gospel 203 ~We Will Go Home~. On this day three years ago, I was still terrified. Only I had Braxton. Take all of my fears, Lady Lunalesca. I didn’t want to leave my boy for anything. Little did I know, right? And last year, Saga 203 ~Virgil Has Words B~ huh.

Virgil and I still aren’t talking. Did I even tell him Good Morning? Though he’s been staring out the window.

There is nothing out there. Well, my boy. I don’t want to think the end of him is sitting in a box on the nightstand, Lunalesca. But while I looked over the books and saw how little I have to spend… Again, I need a burger, fries, barbecue. And a few dog movies. There’s also the movie Spontaneous. So I know what I’m doing on the 31st. But what about all the mornings before then if I keep going on like this? Yesterday, I checked the gun drawer. And I said it was only because of all these strangers in the house. I hate waking up early for people. But there was Braxton and now Virgil. Waking up sucks. Existence… Sigh. That’ll B Morning, Virgil

1084 Days Without B III, Day 525 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will