Tag: Mourn

Tale 332 ~ They’ll B Things, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Tell me that I could have Braxton back, and what thing would I give up. The phone, my por… my relationship collection. How about having an Enormous… uh. Well, I’m sure the Future Wife would miss that. But They’ll B Things, Virgil

Tuesday, May 28, 2024

Tale 332 ~ They’ll B Things, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… I love you. Much like “I am happy.” Such words do not come cheap or…

At all. When was the last time I told Braxton I love him? I’ve been more inclined to talk about time travel. Today’s Tuesday, May 21, 2024. By now, it’s been 1213 days without him.

And how many days since there’s been no word about him? I’m sure I screwed up somewhere down the line. It’s why his bed, toys, bowls, medicine, and comfy spots remain. My son’s things. I’m still mad about the very floor he once walked. Flooded. I wore glasses that finally gave up the ghost and broke. So now it’s like I have to see things as brand new. Even the DISH Network service he watched is gone. Yet another humiliation.

Watching wrestling and “other” things. The secrets I’ve tried keeping.

Not that I miss Braxton. Or that Virgil and I haven’t bonded in 654 days. How about the fact that our marriage, my love…? You and me, always and forever. Nothing changes that. How about the fact that I miss my Braxton so much? It makes me want you more.

It’s Physical Touch, Touch Starvation, Touch Deprivation, or my favorite, “Skin Hunger.” But I’ve said, “Everybody know I’m a… monster.” Zombie from S. Wolf’s novel.

And I believe I’ve had a revelation, my love. You know the things I want to do to you, baby girl. “I Want’a Do Something Freaky To You.” That is a secret kept from Braxton.

I once heard that when you want knowledge, money, success, or whatever, as badly as you want air. It is then that you’ll have it.

Only I can’t imagine wanting anything more than my son back. And to lose everything that I have seen my son tirelessly defend. The fence, the house, all of my little Braxton’s things, my love.

It’s why I deny myself. Everything, old and new, borrowed and blue. Haven’t I been saying I don’t feel like much of a man lately? But I’m your man. Again, always and forever. My love.

But the present is the thing. Love is a gift. A thought of caring like, Happy Birthday Cherry! The things I wanted from her. What I want from you, love. And V. To be happy.

We get that ourselves. The thing is, my Braxton’s still gone. They’ll B Things, Virgil.

1213 Days Without B III, Day 654 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 330 ~To B Revealed, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

If I wanted something to be revealed that would shock me, to make me gasp and/or moan. I’d go begging the Lady in Red or chicks on OnlyFans. Yabbos always feel like the first time. But I’m revealing me. I’m not complaining. To B Revealed, Virgil

Sunday, May 26, 2024

Tale 330 ~To B Revealed, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And can I say you’re looking good… Like Six Impossible Things, I promise nothing. But no complaining.

Braxton is still gone. Now, that’s not a complaint but simply a fact. It is no insult to say that a dead fur buddy is dead. Reality shouldn’t be a shocking revelation that makes one clutch their pearls. The gasp, shock, and offense. Like people in politics. The orange man?

But you know what they’re all about. The same goes for professional wrestling. You’re alright as long as you can name who won what match. Like you need any surprises.

Like caring about what is going on in Virgil’s head. You and Braxton were simpatico. Virgil has been here 652 Days, and you still know nothing about him. That’s reality. Braxton only ignored his reality when it came to dying. Like your Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 10, Or Something
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 014, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 021 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Talk about reality and be revealing about number 4 on this list. That’s what worries you. This is not a complaint; it is simply an observation. But is anyone else?

Now, you’re not Inspector Echo, but here’s a confession. Braxton gave a joy and a comfort that no woman has. You have more of an “adult” library than anyone. But you didn’t need a woman to confide in, to console you. And as long as you had enough private time to “cock your weapon.” Finding Braxton, a stepmom, could wait. Really, it couldn’t. B’s gone.

And that’s why you’re here or on OnlyFans showing off the goods, because of that “intimacy.” Peace and warmth have been lost with Braxton’s passing. What’s left? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, OR…
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 021, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Virgil doesn’t bring any of that relief. How long did it take to learn about Braxton? Instead, Virgil reveals who you are. He cries at Braxton’s door. Virgil knows he can leave whenever he wants, but he’s trapped. Like you…

And if it isn’t the memory of B III, it’s your bank account. I keep saying it’s only the facts. You know something’s wrong, having your grocery list start with bread and water. Really! And that’s a big deal. Sigh!

There’s also the house and everything in it. You won’t make a list of that. But you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. At this rate, you might go through the floor. The End?

It’s no secret where you’re going. To B Revealed, Virgil

1211 Days Without B III, Day 652 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 325 ~Virgil Can B Choosy~

WillLeave a comment

Do I have a choice? Yes. It’s why I look in the mirror, not the nightstand drawer. What? The world’s dangerous, and there’s Heaven, Hell, or the Rainbow Bridge, which I believe my Braxton found. But it wasn’t his choice. Virgil Can B Choosy

Tuesday, May 21, 2024

Tale 325 ~Virgil Can B Choosy~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… A choice? Sure. One that can’t be undone. Our children. My son, Braxton. Even Virgil.

The things that come into my world. But I didn’t choose the world. It’s been a hard few days living in it. And yes, if my B were still here, the past 1206 days would have been no question. Now, that is a lie. But like the promise I made to you. Always and forever.

Whenever I walked out the door, there were three phrases, three words each. “I’ll be back,” “Love ya, B,” and “Love ya Braxton.” No matter what happened, I love Braxton.

That was enough to survive, whatever. And then you ask, what about you? The kids? It’s my choice to come back to my family. I choose you, lover, every day. But it’s a hard choice. I know I sound selfish.

It’s like looking in a mirror. When I see myself even after all this time. I want to do my best Johnny Cash impression. “I hurt myself today.” If I could see myself like Braxton.

Pure love. I’ve told the story time and time again of when my Olds were moving, and Braxton was standing there. “Get in the car!” I yelled. Braxton did not hesitate. He made his choice. B III didn’t know where it would lead, but that choice to love was enough.

Virgil didn’t get that choice. And you, my love, didn’t choose to love, whatever it is I have become. A man of constant sorrow. Because even the choice of me getting up seems too much.

I wake up feeling robbed.

Braxton wasn’t stolen. If I blame anyone for his passing, it’s a former Day Job and my indifference. And that’s why “I Feel Everything.” Grief and sorrow seem the safest.

There was a time when I existed as “lust’s passion will be served…” As if that’s changed with all I do. I’m still in business, after all. The books, babes, and bucks. I want it all. Braxton, though, will not be a part of that. And now choosing to be here. Right here, this moment.

“It’s All Coming Back To Me Now.” A thousand choices shout praises! But make one.

Loving you? I will. Doing right by family. Yes. Existing without my boy? I’m here!

Choose to be happy? Staying enough? Virgil Can B Choosy

1206 Days Without B III, Day 647 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 323 ~B To Jump, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

While missing my son, I’ll have more time for gaming. I lost DISH Network… Gave it up? Either way, I didn’t want to listen to my Old Man and THEM again. So I jumped, I took the leap. But Braxton’s not doing that from Heaven… “B To Jump, Virgil.”

Sunday, May 19, 2024

Tale 323 ~B To Jump, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… How dare I call myself a man, especially with everything that went down yesterday. And you? Please!

I don’t mean to be so mean this late morning (9:40 AM). All of my mistakes must have tired you. And you woke up at two something in the morning. So, to get back to sleep, you… Well… You didn’t “rut,” Release, or rescind your oath. Somehow, someway. A miracle?

It’s called rage, grief, depression. You’re discombobulated or Bipolar… Now, don’t go calling a doctor. Seriously, don’t! You don’t have the money. So, what might help you with everything? What, besides Braxton? Every day, you must remember, Braxton Is Gone!

And Virgil? Where is he?

Not helping. But that’s not Virgil’s job… You can get into that later. But what you woke up thinking about today is video games. Oh, and those Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 9 (Is Done) Bikini Nights by Michael Dalton
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 014 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Now, when you think of video games, there is one in particular, Far Cry 5. Nothing to “spicy.” Uh, Deputy Joey Hudson, Faith Seed, etc. But you wanted to play because of the 2nd Amendment. Ha-Ha! No! I had Too Much Time On My Hands. And you know what I’ve been thinking about last week. I have a joke for you. It could be a riddle. If only a question.

What do your son and your father have in common? They both make you want to disappear. I wanted to go wherever Braxton went to be with him. And I wanted to escape my father. The same action would give you both. But you’re not that far gone yet. Sigh.

If you’re scared of drowning, you can’t. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 10, Or Something
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 014, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Dude, you can’t jump and do these things. You’re too scared, STUPID, and got Too Much Sauce. Especially the kind that’s all up in your giblets and has you looking up “romantic” anime and reading Backyard Dungeon 10. That’s why your feet are firmly planted on the ground. I know you don’t want to stay, but you want to know what’s new, next and no good. It’s why you refuse to Jump Ahead to the ending of this mediocre existence.

Perhaps you’re playing the wrong game. Xbox has a B button, but you’re on PlayStation.

So if you ask anything this week… Why Braxton is gone. Or why Virgil jumps off the bed. What makes you jump (hump), do Sum Thing? B To Jump, Virgil

1204 Days Without B III, Day 645 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 318 ~Virgil’s Drowning Risk B~

WillLeave a comment

My fears? Braxton’s passing, which I survived… My Olds who are very much alive, and neither one has put me in the ground yet. Then drowning. I even turned off Far Cry 5 when I saw that happening. But Virgil is off and crying? Virgil’s Drowning Risk B

Tuesday, May 14, 2024

Tale 318 ~Virgil’s Drowning Risk B~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… Enough to keep your head above water. Or do I lay my coat over puddles at your feet, my love?

Do I want to be a gentleman today? As with most days—well, let’s say 1199 of them—I want to be a man. I won’t say a happy man, but a man provides. And I’m trying. I always am.

But, my Braxton is gone.

Again, I’m trying to keep Virgil from the same fate. For as long as I can. He has a veterinary appointment tomorrow, so AHEM:

“Shots,
shots,
shots,
shots,
shots,
shots!”

Not a day goes by that I don’t remember the last two that B took. Or was it three? Hmm.

“Shot through the heart, and you’re to blame.” I did that to my furry son. And now to my lovely wife? You’re still here, but Braxton isn’t. What about me?

I’m keeping my head above water. But nobody likes seeing that. So I’m lying here. Waking up, I gasp for air with an expletive upon my lips. No wonder Virgil stays off the bed. And our other children? If I can go through the day without mentioning Braxton. Or saying anything scandalous or scary or that makes someone else sad. Not even now, love. As I can exist… without happiness. I can’t without sadness or FEAR. It won’t go away.

If I am going to wake up wet, with bad words, and wanting another baby. I’d rather be with you, yeah. You keep drowning me in your love. Are you crying from all the laughter, pleasure from… or relief from me not talking about Braxton?

Sigh. Even a sigh means that I’m still breathing. I’m alive. Only the flooding never stops, my love. It’s been raining for so long. And I’m sure even Braxton’s Aunt has grown sick of me. She said she would bring a boat if we ever had another situation like Noah and God’s Wrath, as read in the Bible. But both she and you never knew it would be B III’s passing that would bring this.

I understand what you’re asking of me. I’m a drowning man pulling you under. You’re asking me, when will I grow. Life gave me lemons; I can’t make it lemonade. And I’ll make apple juice because I need to see a doctor. And no man is an island. Water, water, everywhere. Virgil’s Drowning Risk B

1199 Days Without B III, Day 640 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 316 ~That’ll B Mom, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Happy Mother’s Day! I’m grateful for my Mom. I never met the moms of my two boys, “biological speaking.” And as far as finding them a stepmom. I haven’t been in the mood to go places or watch porn. And there’s stuff with my Pa… That’ll B Mom, Virgil.

Sunday, May 12, 2024

Tale 316 ~That’ll B Mom, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… I’m not your mother or your monster, especially after yesterday. If anything, you need a moment. Right.

But today, let’s focus on your Ma. The one who has always been there, doing what mothers do. She gave you life, a gift that can never be repaid. She’s the one who forgives your mistakes when the monsters won’t. You were raised by the best, and yesterday, I swear… Let’s talk about it. No! Today is Mother’s Day! And it should be about her. What about Braxton? Every day…

You understand why he needed a mom. Virgil does, too. A mom is the ultimate comfy spot. All remember that. I suppose. The makers of men and women. First mattresses. Along with having something to stick in your mouth. Otherwise, you get Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 8: A Reverse Portal Fantasy by Logan Jacobs
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 007 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

That’s why you might find it hard to find the right words for your Ma today. You’ll text Happy Mother’s Day as usual. But what comes next? After yesterday, I understand why you might hesitate to open your mouth. It’s not her fault what happened yesterday. And yet she’s caught in the middle between father and son. Your father, yourself, her grandson Braxton. And Virgil?

Much like your nephew, he has yet to learn your role. You’re his mother’s brother, but when did you last talk to your sister? Now, your adopted sister, AKA Braxton’s Aunt. I swear the way Braxton would look at her sometimes. “Why can’t she be my mom, daddy?” I’m sure he would ask. Because you are such a good man with these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 9 (Is Done) Bikini Nights by Michael Dalton
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Honor thy father AND THY MOTHER! B’s Aunt is a mom. And you have to send so many messages today. Besides your Ma and your actual sister… Does M Anime want to be a mom? Cherry doesn’t, but she loves her Mum dearly. You love your Mom, but… There is no but when it comes to that. Only you want to say more, don’t you?

“The truth and a lie are not sort of the same thing.” You can’t be both a mistake and a miracle. Yesterday, you were one.

Today, you yearn to be the other, the miracle. And your Ma loves you, no matter what. If only you could love yourself as she does. You once loved like that; his name was Braxton. Sigh. That’ll B Mom, Virgil

1197 Days Without B III, Day 638 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 311 ~Virgil, That’ll B Love~

WillLeave a comment

Love’s not out there. There’s not much love in here, either. If I want to find Love and Happiness. Can I do better than an Al Green song? There are books on love. I don’t have pretty women waitin’ out there. And B’s gone. Virgil, That’ll B Love.

Tuesday, May 7, 2024

Tale 311 ~Virgil, That’ll B Love~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… Always, be it all of two seconds, twenty seconds of insane courage, or the best thirty seconds of my life. (Snickers).

Give me a minute, my love. Am I trying to be funny? Perhaps because laughter is my shield against tears. They say if you can make a woman laugh, you can make her do anything. But if you can make a woman cry… I don’t want to do that unless it’s tears of joy that I’ve brought to your eyes.

I lost happiness way before I lost my firstborn, and I’ve only been out looking for one. I swear love has many different faces. And nowadays, all I see is tears in the eyes of all those around me. But I don’t count myself in that. My tears are all for my son, my Braxton.

God is love? Braxton is love. So are you. But what comes through that door…

You know me, my love. I’m no conservative. A man of tradition? A man provides. Husbands, Fathers, and real men do that. Mine did that. And I had the things I had before you, even before B III. How can I say that he doesn’t love me? I fear I can’t do the same for our family. Fixing things, Grieving…

Again, a man provides, and that has to be enough—all the money in the world. So, I call myself a man because I give this family what it needs. You’ll never go without—ever!

Virgil, our furry “son.” seems to sense my unease. He’s eating well, has his bed and comfy spots, and has even given you more room since he no longer sleeps on the bed. His eyes, like the flickering signal on our DISH Network, tell a different story. They reflect the uncertainty and worry that I’m grappling with. Blankness and emptiness

Love, my dear, is a force that can transcend financial constraints. It’s about the intangible things that money can’t buy, the things that all the wealth in the world couldn’t have saved Braxton from. Yet, I believe in its power. Would I have noticed his condition sooner if I hadn’t been so consumed with work? I wonder, love. These are the questions that haunt me.

Let me tell you what I don’t see: love being advertised, even with all the Mother’s Day stuff everywhere. I’ll always love my Mama, but I hope she takes that love and passes it to her grandchildren and Virgil, too. I love you and hope you take it for our little ones and, yes, Virgil as well. But love for me? To be open instead of broken. Everything is broken, always. Virgil, That’ll B Love

1192 Days Without B III, Day 633 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 309 ~A “B Happy” Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

To be happy right where I am. The last time I had an inkling of what “happiness” might be like was when I was watching Star Wars movies with Braxton and his favorite girl. But she fell asleep by Revenge of the Sith *grumbles.* A “B Happy” Virgil

Sunday, May 5, 2024

Tale 309 ~A “B Happy” Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… —and according to everyone!!! I should watch how I talk to you. Still, it’s Sunday. So, FAIL?

Let’s talk about happiness, or rather, the lack thereof. I won’t tell you to be happy because that’s not how it works. You don’t want to lie, and I respect that. Your first words today were, “4:15 AM.” And that was after wondering why you had to wake up today.

You yearn for the simple joy of saying, “Good Morning, B.” Instead, there was your somber reflection in the “Black Mirror.” And then there was telling Virgil that it was time to go outside. After he did his “business,” those were your first “good” words of the day. Then there was reading and your audiobooks. We will get to those. And what about B’s Aunt yesterday? I wished her a Happy Birthday, but she has things to deal with, too. And with your daily ramblings…

She did say you’re a listening ear. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Bikini Days: An Unconventional Romance
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

This is why you’re reluctant to start “Morning Star” by Pierce Brown. You need stories with happy endings, so you know what that’s like. The unconventional relationship of Bikini Days. Backyard Dungeon? A man who has (pulls out a list) elves, half-demons, orcs, and goblins as wives. Is that happiness?

What does happiness sound like to you? There are no people around to model after.

Can you not think about models right now? You know what that will bring about. Between A.I. and all those young women trying to get a “college education.” Do girls still use that excuse? Not that you’re any better with your actions. Because you won’t sit down and write. Oh, this? According to the critic, you’re not just ranting, raving, rambling; you’re self-criticizing. Quite helpful.

Because happiness? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Uh… Logan Jacobs, Michael Dalton
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You’re not listening out for happiness. “But love is a long, long road.” And for now, you’re taking “The Long Walk.” Yeah, I’ve said it before. But it bears repeating because what else will you say to yourself? It won’t be anything good. Nowhere near great. And gross? That’s another thing. Everything you want is impossible, insane, inane, or illegal to some degree. However, there’s also wanting everyone else to be happy. Because you see yourself as the cause of their unhappiness. I swear, looking through the mirror. It hurts.

Happiness, Heaven, Hope? That was the sound of your son’s every breath in this world. It’s the silence in nothing breaking. But Braxton isn’t here breathing. “We gon’ be alright.”

Happiness… A “B Happy” Virgil

1190 Days Without B III, Day 631 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 304 ~Virgil, Time To B~

WillLeave a comment

What time is it? Before writing wedding vows, I’ll list the top ten questions I hate the most. Like, what are you reading? It’s even furry kids or flirty women. Either way, they go down. Eww! No time for g-d jokes. “Virgil, Time To B.”

Tuesday, April 30, 2024

Tale 304 ~Virgil, Time To B~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… My love for you is boundless; it’s a feeling that grows with each passing day. If life is a game, then love is the instruction booklet. Learning to play again

I’m not sure how much I believe I can now. Do I love my girl or my grief more, love?

And here come the waterworks. I swear the last thing I need is to cry. I haven’t got the flooding from last year out of my mind. It was a water heater and an air filter… (Grumbles). There’s a reason I haven’t turned on the air conditioner yet. What? But even if we’re billionaires, I’m protecting the hearth and home. If only “he” were here…

My firstborn, my Braxton. Always and forever. I promised my son and you, my love. Only it’s been a while since it’s been just us. But B is in my heart and head on Sunday, April 28, 2024. He’ll be here when you see this Tuesday, April 30, 2024. It’s funny that I can’t time-travel past my mourning and grief.

My groin or you G-Spot. I’m sure the critic would love to hear about that—a time when I’m not Braxton’s Dad. And we have kids of our own. Let me be a man, and you are my woman. Period.

Inevitably, I go back to crying about Braxton. I didn’t pour the Bisquick, but Braxton… Yeah, Braxton will always be my pancake. And there isn’t a time without missing him.

That’s one thing he has over our kids. “Haven’t you people ever heard of closing a (blah) door?!” When Braxton was alive, how many times did I have intimate moments with anyone? Seriously!? 161 celibate…

That’s why I relate somewhat to Ethan from the book Bikini Days by Michael Dalton. Ethan’s daughter makes him swear off women after Ethan’s wife walks out on them. I’ll Never Fall In Love Again. My Braxton was much better.

He wouldn’t want me to swear off the things or those I love. I’m sure he would have loved you. And if he could see his siblings, I’ll even include Virgil in that. But the time, my love. If only you could feel as I do. The breath I took after Braxton’s very last one.

Everything feels wrong. It’s as if I have all the time in the world and then none at all, love. I keep talking about turning forty and if somehow I can make that… Anything, love.

There’ll be time to read Bikini Dawn. Thankfully, it will come out before E-Day. I’ll still be thirty-nine, my love!

Live, learn, and love myself, us, this family, always and forever. Virgil, Time To B

1185 Days Without B III, Day 626 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 302 ~We’ll B Firing Virgil~

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I just found out that Virgil is a pretty smart cookie. I don’t mean the furry kid sitting in B’s room. But he’s brighter than Kristi Noem or Donald Trump. People who deserve to be fired or see fire. And me, my Braxton, Virgil? “We’ll B Firing Virgil”

Sunday, April 28, 2024

Tale 302 ~We’ll B Firing Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And what a horrible way to start the morning. Hmm? Looking at me? Not looking at Virgil.

Dirty words! There’s a reason why “reading” a new book is always at the top of your Impossible Things. The last books I’ve read have been flirty, filthy, and foul-mouthed.

Not one about my fur buddy, Braxton! Oh, my son! My Sweet Lord. And I know you’re not finding religion on this Sunday morning. But if we can finish our conversation in three hours. That would be a miracle. And like happiness. Miracles don’t exist. But existence by yourself is your cross to bear. But wait a minute. Where’s Virgil? In Braxton’s room, doing a wicked witch impression, “Look what you’ve done! I’m melting! Melting!”

Because it’s hot, you know that. My shift ended last night at 11:59 PM. As I failed, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Possessive Stepbrother (Steamy Shorts Book 1)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

And what if I had accomplished them? Is the heat giving you delusions of achieving such a feat? That’s the point of all this “existing,” right? To want to “live” again, even without Braxton. Hmm?

It’s like I’m Jacob Marley. Or one of the Christmas ghosts, and you’re Ebenezer Scrooge. Wow! It’s so hot you’re dreaming up references to snow. Anyway, you’re warning yourself not to be like me. And that’s why I don’t survive a week working, living, existing.

And now here you are. It’s only 8:30 AM. And your Impossible things have already resulted in two failures. At this rate, you should go into politics. Only you have a higher opinion of yourself. How did that happen? With these references, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Bikini Days: An Unconventional Romance
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

I wish I could say I think the world of you. Braxton did. How did that turn out for B?

The rage at the Day Job, the fire that burned inside me that I tried to protect him from. It made the world Hell. “If I cannot move heaven, I will raise hell…” Wow! Did you find that quote from Virgil today? Yes, the actual Virgil. Not the little dog sitting alone in Braxton’s room.

Anyway, a disease burned through little Braxton’s body, and it sent him on his journey. And, some oven someplace turned B III, my soldier, son, and soul, into smoldering ashes.

For Virgil and I. I won’t cut on the A/C. Someday, Virgil’s fate could follow Braxton’s. We’ll B Firing Virgil.

1183 Days Without B III, Day 624 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will