Tag: Lonely

Saga 316 ~B Said Mama, V~

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The first girl that won B over I’d choose. The first two were related to us. The third, he was leading to the bedroom. “What, Daddy, what’s wrong with her?” Never got to a fourth. Hasn’t been a woman in this house since he’s been gone. B Said Mama, V

Saturday, May 13, 2023

Saga 316 ~B Said Mama, V~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now. As you know, Lady Lunalesca, we Billionaires are the biggest crybabies. I already started for Braxton…

Well, at least he’s part of why I’m crying now. Hell! He didn’t see me cry the day we met. I have to ease up on meditation. Last night, during the session, I was told to think of something that made me feel good. I’m sad to admit that B was nowhere to be found. What I thought about was being in bed sleeping. It could be worse, Lady Lunalesca. Already as the song goes, “Pretend that we’re dead.” I was that before Braxton. After… But anyway, the night I first met him, I couldn’t cry. He was this little “ball of fluff” I always wanted, even if I forgot. And there he was, being hugged by his new mom. I’ll be a monkey’s uncle…

If that. A brother or the other human that he had. Because the question became, “Where is your mother?” Braxton’s mom was everywhere. Now I didn’t mean that the way it sounded… Don’t my nephews have two different daddies? Shut-up! So B III’s mom, ha. What about my Ma? I haven’t seen her since Granddaddy’s funeral on Monday, January 30, 2023. Lunalesca, I’m sure I’ve talked to her after that. I’m a “man” who wants a family but can’t provide for one, that’s for damn sure. I have $5,000 in my name. Feeling lucky, hmm? And again, manhood and fatherhood. Nope! I texted her about the garbage bill. I think. But as far as getting a hug from her. I smelled worse than the corpse.

That was so not cool, I know. I still think about what I said to M Anime’s racial slur. Yep. You know Lady Lunalesca, I want to do much more than hug her; when it came to Braxton and his Aunt Carolina’s yabbos. Hell! He would have called her Ma as he led her to the bedroom. I do miss her “platonic” hugs. And I always said I would find him a hug. One more promise that I didn’t keep. Write a damn tab. No, I’m not mad, Luna. Looking at the date, and I’m cold. I don’t get enough hugs. My voice is like ice, to be sure. And something’s hard like ice. Finding a mom for Braxton… and Virgil. B Said Mama, V

832 Days Without B III, Day 273 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 315 ~Lying With B, Virgil~

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What am I going to read? Even if all I did was meditate, my head would be, “EXTRA, EXTRA, read all about it,” B III is still gone. I’ll read his medicine bottles. The TV will show the GOP get away with everything. And books? Lying With B, Virgil

Friday, May 12, 2023

Saga 315 ~Lying With B, Virgil~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can lie forever and a day. Right, CNN? But comedy comes in threes…

As in my son B III, Triple, or it’s hip to B squared. Hell! I was about to say, “I feel,” like a killer. Only we know the truth, Lady Sophia. As the song asks, “Am I A Psycho?” Yes! Even now, I refuse to admit my boy is dead. I know he is. But every day, I call Braxton! You know I talk to him more than I do, Virgil. Even now, Virgil is dead center in the bed, and I moved over. He’s not my son. I wish I wanted; I wouldn’t be like this. Not his fault. Only I do believe it was B that was speaking to me on that day. But what now, B III? Braxton, lying about everything you.

Let’s focus on me, which you can see above. I don’t know why I decided to come clean today. Just because. You’re not Inspector Echo. And if Braxton were here… I’d know better. What about Nelson Mandela… “It’s never too late to do the right thing.” He wasn’t talking about the angle of the dangle… So why did I want to lie about it for so long, Sophia? Can I stop talking about my “Enormous Penis?” I swear I’ll start anew at 9:00 AM. Anyway, you know how I hate liars. And everything I have read this week has been about some liar. At least, “That’s why I’m starting with me.” Everything seems to be pointing to me getting out of bed. Braxton ain’t here.

And even if he were, I would be on the loveseat. Or better, at the dining room table writing away. I would tell him and me that I’m doing this to give us a better life. But I exist, sigh. And I want to say I’m trying. But that would be one more lie. I mean, even when I read… Again I’m reading The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes. Yet it’s only a chapter or two a day. And today being Friday or even tomorrow, I’ll read “Mesmerizing Caroline – The Contract.” Lady Sophia, it’s all so I can keep up with a book a week, hmm. Good news. Like I’m doing something “Successful.” When I instead be Lying With B, Virgil.

831 Days Without B III, Day 272 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 314 ~ B’s MEASURED Words, Virgil~

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Sticks and stones may break my bones but words… Well, adults lie? And here I am, trying my hand at “adulting.” But I’m like a bully. Words. They may cost me the girl. Make V not trust me. And make me sing, I Hate Everyone. B’s MEASURED Words, Virgil.

Thursday, May 11, 2023

Saga 314 ~ B’s MEASURED Words, Virgil~

830 Days Without B III, Day 271 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Those words never change. Names and letters? Did I ever say anything to hurt you?

Of course, I did. And I’m still paying for it 823 days later. However, we are talking on Sunday, May 7, 2023. You know what that means. Sad to say, Braxton, this week is gonna suck. Not as much as most, but still. Anytime I have to breathe. Meditation Braxton, always. Well, at least for a month and some change. And you don’t like when I talk about, let’s say, shedding the mortal coil. At least I do speak to you. Talking to Virgil… freeloader, fatty. I need to stop with names like that. Hell! I’m not sure he even knows “his name.” Who am I, a slave master? And I would call you a little douche. All the time, B III. Looking it up…

Anyway, I need to talk to Virgil more. Even today, he’s been hanging out in your room all by his lonesome. Do I need more reasons to miss you? I would wear a groove in the loveseat working. I’m surprised your pillow held up as long as it did waiting, Braxton, waiting until I had all the time in the world for you? Last week it was all about your Aunt. I told you it was her birthday. The only thing she’s measuring is alcohol intake. Your dad has no such luxury. I wish I did. Only you know I’m much worse. Why V is alone. The lies we tell our children. I should have let you be a dad. You remember our walks. People…

Hell! Every footstep is heavier now. It’s like I walk a little except for, you guessed it, the Day Job. My pockets would have been fatter with everyone wanting to buy you or have you breed. Only Virgil won’t have such problems. Ball-less, barkless, except for his bawling anytime I leave. You know I was about to say “it.” Like father, like son. I’m still crying over you. But I don’t think I’ve shed any tears this Sunday. The heart, head, and balls are all heavy. Though I’d ask you to keep that last one to yourself. But your Aunt. So nice. And I continue thinking about what M Anime said. Can’t say something nice… I’ll try with Virgil, Braxton. Promise? B’s MEASURED Words, Virgil

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 312 ~Braxton Would Cheat, Virgil~

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Braxton couldn’t cheat death; none of us can. On people, pay, and pleasures. I’ve never been one for Love and Happiness. But I am Hopelessly Devoted to You… if your name is grief or a specific pleasure. Cheater? Braxton Would Cheat, Virgil.

Tuesday, May 9, 2023

Saga 312 ~Braxton Would Cheat, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. But I wouldn’t even need that to be my old man. He cheated on my Ma.

Yeah, this ain’t the week for this. Right? And this was a long time ago. I have a half-brother I’ve never met, around college age. No love there. Love and time, isn’t that right, love? Other than being a provider, I don’t want to be anything like my “father.” Never. Cheating, though? I was thinking about that Sunday, May 7, 2023. Not like that… Please! I have many views on such, but I’m not talking about love. Love. No, the other love. My B III. How often have I said Virgil’s name today compared to B’s? Uh, Good Morning. Hell! Even before you, there was Braxton. Then us… And with Virgil Vivi, there was, “V, you need a bath? I’ll take you to get one.”

It’s all that walking in the yard. At some point, it’s going to get mowed. Such a little thing, a husband mowing the lawn. I was raised on TRADITION! Fiddler on the Roof, I’m sorry. Not for the singing. Nope! That’s always been me. Pop Culture Whore… We’ll get there. I mean for cheating on life, not you, my wife but life with death. Oh, I’m in love with it. The only reason to wake up is that I move a bit closer to it. Step by Step… more music? Yeah. Ma was a big fan of The Preacher’s Wife and Whitney Houston. I remember. Anyway, I have to get her something for Mother’s Day. And you as well. A mom to such beautiful children.

I’ll forever be grateful that they take after you and not me. Do I feel cheated? Not at all, love. Now, Braxton, I swear I think he was in love with Aunt Carolina. Those boobies? Someday, I won’t be so juvenile when it comes to those. Oh, like one day I won’t think about B? That’s like telling me not to think about sex ever. Ask Cherry about that, ha-ha. It’s like me wanting to have a threesome or thoughts of us becoming “Swingers,” right? I mean, not now. And I’m not a cheat. Not with you, and again there’s B, but here is V. Like the song, Is This Love? Could You Be Loved? Braxton’s big heart. Mine’s broken. Death. Braxton Would Cheat, Virgil

828 Days Without B III, Day 269 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 309 ~Braxton, The Charge, Virgil~

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I never wanted to be a president or king. There was a time I wanted to be Dennis Hof, minus the GOP. But as Malcolm X put it, “I have to stand here today as what I was when I was born: a black man. Trite, considering. Braxton, The Charge, Virgil

Saturday, May 6, 2023

Saga 309 ~Braxton, The Charge, Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can be guilty as sin but with enough paper… meaning green, not white.

I could use both; to be honest, I could use both. Seeing as how I haven’t been feeling well this week. I need to see a doctor. But considering the last few attempts. I get what I effing deserve! Lunalesca, who am I, the Joker? I’ve said it a few times. The comedian is dead. And yet my entire existence… So I won’t hold my breath on Trump ever facing punishment. And King Charles III Coronation is going on today. They say, heavy the head that wears the crown. Hell! Unlike Trump, I have a conscience. And the crowns I have been seeing, uh? Better not to say. But my head hurts, amongst other things? Braxton is dead. I yelled at a friend. The Day Job sucks. So, I’m guilty.

What did I do wrong? Lunalesca, I could name any number of things. Waking up. Honestly, one of the Revenge of the Nerds movies says it better… you were born. That’s enough. I’m sorry I’m so down this morning. If only I got up late again today. But my punishment or mistake? I don’t even know (sigh). The fact is I want to sleep, Lunalesca. But there is my charge. Virgil Vivi Bradford. He’s been getting worse… more scared, Lu. Like father, like son? But he’s not my son. Lunalesca, Virgil will never be Braxton. Lunalesca, am I the bad guy, an effing asshole, or have I forgotten. Virgil leads Dante through Hell. Dante never speaks Virgil’s name, though. Is It A Crime? Everything is.

Yet I look into the mirror; “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” Again you can talk to Carolina about that. I mentioned her birthday. $50.00 and naked pictures. Lunalesca? There was a time I thought you were the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Am I guilty of another betrayal? How treacherous am I? That honor belongs to Braxton. And to end such beauty. I’m repeating myself because, again, what happened yesterday. I’m woke. Standing up for what’s right for people. “Chinky” is not a nice word. Fetishizing Asians? I’ve been doing that with one woman in particular. Effing Instagram. But then B’s Aunt. Her getting laid because of me? Talk about some atonement. But all my sins… charges? Life. Braxton, The Charge, Virgil

825 Days Without B III, Day 266 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 308 ~Virgil’s B Book Report~

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I planned on talking about all the books I bought, only I’m sort of a pop culture whore. Me… sexist? Duly noted. But I read something racist from a friend today. One word. I don’t fear being WOKE. Indifference killed my son. “Virgil’s B Book Report.”

Friday, May 5, 2023

Saga 308 ~Virgil’s B Book Report~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I can afford whatever’s on the menu. I can read bills, sales, and regrets.

How to Be an Antiracist is not a book I regret reading. And I don’t blame the author for any of my actions… Uh, you kind of did. I hear ya, Lady Sophia. The power of the penis, as Todd says. I don’t regret reading Succubus Lord, either. Um, a whole other story, I know. It’s like looking over the last of Braxton’s medical bills. I don’t blame the veterinarians. But it does show me when I did the worst thing in my whole “life.” I killed my best friend. It could be the second… I mean, if we’re talking about the STUPIDEST thing ever… BIRTH. Anyway, I’m feeling lousy today because the girl I want to sleep with… She used the word “Chinky.” Racist?

“Oh, sugar, you just gone and done the dumbest thing in your whole life.” – Alexis Bledel Sin City (2005)

The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes? I’m not sure yet. I’m only starting to get into that book. But let’s stick with my attempt to be an Antiracist. As if I even recall what that means. I say I was more WOKE, and I couldn’t help myself. If this cost me the girl. Stupid MF. Hell! Lady Sophia, I spent a bit of time trying to explain away the slur. She could have meant like chink in the armor. “I try so hard. Can’t seem to get away from misery” Inevitable, ain’t it, Lady Sophia, that I screw this up. Trying to understand “What Makes A Good Man?” Hell! What kind of man am I? Ask Carolina Bound. I sent a nude for her birthday.

Hell! I wanted to talk about this Hunger Games book and Mesmerizing Caroline. What about that book binge I went on? I must also get in on a new Kindle Challenge, Lady Sophia. But after reading the alarm clock, 3:35 AM. Then reading M Anime’s text first thing. And yep, thinking with my penis. Have I found a second Hard Limit when it comes to BDSM? Um, a soft limit. The N-Word in music, dirty Latina maids, Asian fetish, etc. And it gets worse. M Anime’s fur baby is hurt, and I’m yelling at her because you know me, Lady Sophia, “Stay Woke.” I need to read more African American books and more about dead fur babies. Reasons dogs don’t write. Virgil’s B Book Report

824 Days Without B III, Day 265 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 307 ~Virgil’s Sitting Where B~

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“Come on in, (girl), sit on down, and tell me ’bout yourself. So, you like my (Daddy), do you now? I think (he’s) something else.” B barking Rodney Atkins. To think my loveseat wasn’t a casting couch, but I found love once. “Virgil’s Sitting Where B”

Thursday, May 4, 2023

Saga 307 ~Virgil’s Sitting Where B~

823 Days Without B III, Day 264 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? If you find the time, could you and your Aunt Carolina’s kids say Happy Birthday?

I still feel so gross B. There’s the belief… Hell! Damn, near a fact that I’m sick. The things I do when you ain’t around. And to think I warned you about, um, some things. Manly huh? Braxton Barks, it could be that I’m acknowledging you being in “Heaven” or on The Rainbow Bridge. Never! It’s Sunday, April 30, 2023, and I called out “Medicine Time.” And, yeah, there’s the idea, if you are gone, that you met your Aunt’s kids in Heaven. Today as in, May being her birthday and all. How about Star Wars Day? Your Aunt’s pissed… But me being the selfish bastard I am… Like most days, I wish I was a ghost… to join you. Remember sitting on the loveseat?

B, you’re watching over me, worrying, waiting; for what I don’t know. Live, Laugh, Love? Please! That is a book I’m never reading. And the books that I got in my own time, B III. Time? Again there was Medicine Time, Outside, Sleepy, and many others I know. The one that gets to me the most is Dying Time… I was sitting on an orange bench as the vet told me she could do nothing. Then there I was on another one watching you die. You got to lie in your bed, at least. Is there any wonder I want to stay in bed always? Well, besides being sick, of course. And then there’s 2V, B. Writing this afternoon, from where? The Dining Room. Shocker!

Because the bed is a sad place, even when there’s a woman there now. Ha-Ha! It wasn’t many of those when you were here. And after? Your Daddy is a sick man. A bad one… And I keep saying it. Having V lying on my leg or sitting at your guard post, B III. No! Why not go back to the loveseat, you say? You know I am never happy but to get so close. It was lying with you. I would read, and you would sleep, and that was us, you and me, B. There was watching movies with your Aunt. Remember when you finally let her in, B? The power of boobs. A few books, free Meditation, the Freeloader. Virgil’s Sitting Where B

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Saga 305 ~Meditations Of B, Virgil~

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So what did I expect from meditation? Once upon a time, B’s breathing was life. The awareness of him. Then the silence. Virgil breathes too. But he doesn’t make a peep unless I leave. And what about the family I want someday? Meditations Of B, Virgil

Tuesday, May 2, 2023

Saga 305 ~Meditations Of B, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
I AM a Billionaire right now. That goes to show I’m not a great man. Nowhere near. Neither peaceful, as perverted, promising

Not like Marcus Aurelius. Hell! I don’t know anything about him. (Snickers) I did watch Gladiator… The four chief virtues: Wisdom, justice, fortitude, and temperance… Speaking of royalty. There is Queen Ramonda of Wakanda. “What construct does your mind create when you think of your (son)? Does it bring you comfort or torment?” Dicking around as I mourn my son. Not even watching the films but the movie reactions, love. And why not? My last meditations haven’t yielded anything. How long has it been, hmm? Braxton’s been dead for 821 days. So Virgil’s been here 262. You meant meditating. Right? At this rate, 31 days? But today, Friday, April 28, 2023, all I have done… I’ve cut on YouTube and watched fictional and/or better people.

Yes, I know Marcus Aurelius is real. I need to read Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Braxton may have led me to such a book. One more book I need to read. It’s either this or Succubus 8 (Riddles And Revenge). I could go with MEAT by Joseph D’Lacey. I’ve been meaning to get into the works of Matt Shaw. And I told Lady Sophia about The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes. What’s one more title about dead fur babies? Moaning, grieving. Again, it’s Friday, so I’m in a literary state of mind despite Braxton’s passing. Always. Plus, books are a form of meditation for me. Better to spend money on books than on women’s mammaries. I have you, my beautiful wife, and my business. Happy?

You know me, baby girl. I’m never happy… Effing said that out loud? Happiness… Honestly. As the song goes, “I Believe in a Thing Called Love.” And “I Believe in You and Me.” Shouldn’t I say I believe in the “Power of Love?” I believe in the power of music. Better yet, I “Believe in the Beat.” Whatever I can stick in my ears short of seeing the Doc again. The last thing I need is my ear shooting another bukkake scene. Ha-ha! But what’s the first thing I need? I can’t have my Braxton back. And meditating… Awareness and silence it’s confusing. I have no wise words for you or our children. Only I love you. That enough? Braxton’s wisdom? Meditations Of B, Virgil

821 Days Without B III, Day 262 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 302 ~Virgil, Let’s B Awesome~

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I didn’t understand love until Braxton, really… Let me add another word to that, awesome. Awesome was sitting in bed doling out fries to B. It was him sitting on the corner of the bed as I napped. It was being healthy. Someday Virgil, Let’s B Awesome

Saturday, April 29, 2023

Saga 302 ~Virgil, Let’s B Awesome~

Hey Lady Lu,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means I would be awesome. It wouldn’t matter the clock, the crime… this isn’t Australia…

See, or better yet, the C word I wanted to use there. I have all the respect in the world for women. But that doesn’t make me a good man. Or even a man at all, no matter how I try. “My life” ha-ha, my existence is Shiitake mushrooms. And yes, Lady Lunalesca, I did look up are Shiitake mushrooms good for dogs? Because it always comes back to Triple B. “Aaugh!” I would go all FML but no. I continue to exist. Braxton was effed over having me as a friend, father, and freeloader when it came to all his love, Lunalesca. What does all this mean? Hell! Not a damn thing, I know. But the first word that came to mind today… Awesome.

Yeah, I fell asleep during meditation. Relax, Lunalesca, I was supposed to. If I wasn’t going so broke at the end of this month. I am inclined to buy the full service? With a Happy Ending? Oh, I’m sorry, that’s a massage, right? Thirty-eight years and I’ve never had one. And I wouldn’t even have to be a billionaire, Luna. Certain celebrities? Lunalesca, I’m trying to avoid looking them up. Or even something simple as, Happy Tugs. The things in this world that I find awesome. Haven’t I always said that everything I want is Impossible, Inane, Insane… Illegal. Lady Lunalesca, God gave me everything I want. Nope! Not yet. Why not? But you know what? Having Braxton Barks back. Now that would be awesome.

“Everything Is Awesome!!!” But the question is when. What about how or why, Lady Lu? If, as Aloe Blacc sang, “Life’s a game made for everyone.” Let’s start. Easy Level. Lady Lunalesca, (sigh) Virgil would get off my leg. My only reason for getting out of bed today, I swear—another lie. I should get a haircut, go shopping, and keep myself alive for B. Yeah, I said B and not V. And did I say easy? I can’t say what I mean, Lunalesca, ever? How I hope that is a lie. Like I tell myself every time I crawl into bed. I’ll take a nap, or I won’t have to get up at all. In-between, Eff, I mean, uh, Awesome. Virgil, Let’s B Awesome

818 Days Without B III, Day 259 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Saga 301 ~Braxton Booked V, NOT~

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If B wanted company, he’d call me before V. Dark? Well, the only books I’ve been reading have involved the dead. But I like dogs. Even now, I’ll say V’s a better “friend” than me to myself. But I have too much to read to leave. Braxton Booked V, NOT.

Friday, April 28, 2023

Saga 301 ~Braxton Booked V, NOT~

Hey Lady Sophia,
I AM a Billionaire right now, which means Virgil will be alive for a very long time. “Always,” “Love?” No. Still waiting…

As in words, I’ll write or even say. I won’t kiss the top of Virgil’s head and say, “I’ll always come back for you.” That’s when I would get all sentimental with Braxton. And when I leave, do you remember, “love you B, love, you Braxton. Replace love with later. Inevitably, I’ll get Virgil’s name right too. Before he joins B… many years from now. These days, it’s a struggle to even get out of bed to read. Hell! To do anything but slave away. I wanted to tell the woman I was working with yesterday. I don’t fear dying. Please! As that song PEPPER goes, “They were all in love with dyin.'” I suppose only me, then. And not in the Shakespearian MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING sort of way.

Speaking of ways die (cough) orgasm (cough). If I keep looking at Alycia Debnam-Carey, SAINT X., Or Amy Acker doing MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING. I’ll die all in my shorts, ha. Not to mention that right there… The way I have been writing for God knows how long, Sophia. I’m ashamed. So, one more reason I shouldn’t be publishing novels, ever. Anyway. Why am I still alive if I won’t live my purpose? Remembering Braxton. Always and forever. But then there are other people’s successes as well. I see them daily. Only today, as I was watching movie trailers, wasting time. I came across one, Sophia. THE BALLAD of SONGBIRDS and SNAKES. I couldn’t bring myself to watch it, though.

But isn’t that how I was introduced to THE HUNGER GAMES franchise in the first place, Lady Sophia? I also have a thing for naked brunettes with ponytails/pigtails. Like Jennifer Lawrence, Aerith Gainsborough, or Azuma Hisato. Two other brunettes (fingers crossed). Now while I’m lost in one head, the other did like THE HUNGER GAMES, Sophia. Hell! If it isn’t Kindle/Amazon telling me what book to read. Yeah, it’s social media. I talked to Braxton yesterday. He wouldn’t like me reading all these books about losing fur babies daily. And if it’s not that, I should read the last in the Succubus series, SUCCUBUS 8 (RIDDLES and REVENGE). I must read before I can “see” and “hear.” Where’s Braxton’s book again? Braxton Booked V, NOT

817 Days Without B III, Day 258 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will