Tag: Final

Meditation 311 ~We’ll B Cooked Virgil~

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I haven’t been thinking about how cooked I am for the past few days. My younglings B III and 2-V, a couple of pairs of yabbos, and a yearning to write. Today won’t be one of those days. But I always have time for my boys. Only, We’ll B Cooked Virgil.

Thursday, May 8, 2025

Meditation 311 ~We’ll B Cooked Virgil~

1558 Days Without B III, Day 999 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? Do you see what time it is? You don’t worry a lot about that.

For you, it was whenever you sat on my head. There was when I came back from the Day Job. It was whenever I called you downstairs for your meds. “Medicine Time, B! Come get your Medicine. Medicine Time. I miss doing that, Braxton. You have no idea how much.

Or maybe I miss being in the kitchen. I swear the memory just came up. Between being hungry, another horrible energy shot, and “happily” knowing you’re safe in the backyard.

I suppose you are always and forever, though there’s a wooden box saying otherwise, Braxton. Am I crying? You and your little brother. I’m crying over you and sweating when I take Virgil for walks.

I could be thinking about you and Virgil’s stepmom. First, I have to stop calling M Anime that. Second, I would need your approval; otherwise, she’d be cooked. However, Braxton.

“Let Her Cook.” Next to talking to you, she’s the one I look forward to hearing from and talking to the most. There’s you, M Anime, should I say your grandma next. And what about your favorite girl and Cherry. If I had to kick you out whenever I heard from M Anime. No…? You practically led your favorite girl to my bedroom… You dog. And Cherry is pretty much in her “Look at me, look at me” Era. Do you remember; I can ride a bike with “No Handlebars?” But M Anime, dear Braxton.

When you were leaving, I’d have said anything to get you to stay. Yes, I can see you, B III, giving me one of your looks, saying, “Why did you sign the cockadoodie papers, Dad?”

Speaking of movies and manuscripts, there’s M Anime. I’m sure I told you before Cherry inspired me to write a series. I speak often enough of your favorite girl. But M Anime has me writing two novels while trying to do some “Shadow Work.” But last night, B? I’d sent you straight to your room. M Anime said she’d let me do everything the men of her dreams/nightmares do to her IRL. Xu, Associate, Boss! I swear Braxton, things like Food, having funds, your father…

“And if he falls in love tonight
It can be assumed
His carefree days with us are history
In short, our pal is doomed.”
Timon & Pumbaa ― Braxton &Virgil

“You can put it anywhere.”
― Kathryn Merteuil, Cruel Intentions

I’m forgetful, foolish, and possibly effed… (Smiles). I’d have to drive. We’ll B Cooked Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 307 ~A G-Thang Braxton, Virgil”

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Things that get a G up. Mammaries, dirty manuscripts, and my mutts. Hey! Braxton was a purebred, and Virgil might as well be royalty. But what about having a queen, though such and such a girl called herself something else. A G-Thang Braxton, Virgil.

Sunday, May 4, 2025

Meditation 307 ~A G-Thang Braxton, Virgil”

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Happy Star Wars Day! But can I say you’re not looking all that well, my G. Whatever!

It’s not an after-sex glow. Save that for the ladies like Braxton and Virgil’s stepmom. Are you ever going to stop calling M Anime that? What? I told her about a guy using his fingers with her and her using her Yabbos on him. Cut to 3 AM today, and she’s sending you another “nightmare,” where a guy uses his fingers, and you guessed it, she uses her Yabbos in bed. That’s a message. I believe the legendary Whitesnake posed the question, “Is This Love?”

Braxton and Virgil can’t help with that. But you haven’t cried for Braxton today. And Virgil hasn’t seen you sweating. Still, there are several screens glowing. You’re still grieving. Then, groaning and moaning for M Anime. Uh, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 16, Logan Jacobs
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 004, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Yeah, yeah, you were doing okay with #4 until M Anime’s nightmare story. Not that you have anything against Logan Jacobs and his fantasy harem. And speaking of fantasies, what will you do for Star Wars Day? And aren’t The Last of Us and The Walking Dead: Dead City on tonight? Screen time. Anything beats the sun shining on Monday. For the love of everything, let the dead rise before then. If not, “Let The Monster Rise.” Repo Man did.

Your effing Day Job! You would take being a gangsta over going to that place. However, you wouldn’t have to if you wrote about General Xu, Associate, Boss, and this new fellow I created last night, Wraith Ambrose Blackwood. G’s who’d accomplish Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Temptation Next Door, Rose Richards
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Or they wouldn’t have to. They wouldn’t forget Braxton’s Favorite Girl’s birthday. A very Happy Birthday to Braxton’s Favorite Girl, his and Virgil’s aunt. You love her like pancakes… More to the Milestone tune of “Girl, I care about you, I’m there for you,” yep.

What about Cherry? You’ll never say no to Yabbos, but your eyes are glazed over. Virgil’s also lying at the foot of the bed, so zero fun, sir. But with adrenaline running through your veins when M Anime uh seduced you with her dream, a pill, and an energy shot.

You’re feeling about as high as Snoop at the moment. “Nuthin’ But A “G” Thang.” However, you’re saying, “I’ve Seen Better Days,” When Braxton was breathing. A G-Thang Braxton, Virgil

1554 Days Without B III, Day 995 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 304 ~Virgil Tunes In B~

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I don’t want to talk to myself. I know a gifted writer… as long as I ignore her big… thoughts, we’re good. I need to speak to B’s Favorite Girl. And the girl that’s becoming my Favorite. I’d have to send B and V to their room. Virgil Tunes In B.

Thursday, May 1, 2025

Meditation 304 ~Virgil Tunes In B~

1551 Days Without B III, Day 992 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I haven’t seen any people. And I haven’t paid much attention to the news. Stepmom?

First, M Anime isn’t your and Virgil’s stepmom, so I should stop calling her such. But you can’t blame a man for hoping she wants the job. She likes killers, a mad general, and a “Smooth Criminal.” In her dreams, ha-ha. Your Daddy is none of those things. I’m trying…

Yeah, B III, I’m trying not to look at the Day Job schedule or how much I made last week. Positive thoughts? I’m talking to the ghost of my dead fur kid and writing about those evil men that M Anime can’t get enough of. Or at least I want to. Like when you were waiting for me to be successful. Virgil is waiting, too. And how much time have I wasted as I look at the date? Your favorite girl’s birthday is on Star Wars Day. I’ve got nothing.

So why aren’t I talking to your little brother about these things? For being a good dog like you, he’s a scaredy cat. Who am I calling scared? I live in a constant state of fear. My “Captive State,” if you will. I miss watching movies with you and your favorite girl, whom I haven’t talked to in a while. My, how things change. I’m sorta freaked today, Little B.

Only not in the good way that M Anime is starting to write about. Speaking of things changing, I remember imagining you lying in your corner while some girl lies with me sans her clothing, listening to apocalyptic rock from the 50s. But I’m here listening to pretty Harpsibored dole-out gaming tracks. While Virgil snoozes.

Your Dad can speak like an “Ordinary Human,” at least when it comes to you. Isn’t it “Ironic” that I’m only “Human,” “Just A Man,” when we’re here, talking, dreaming.

Braxton, your brother and I are trying to find our voices, especially with each other. Honestly, how long did it take me to learn your language and how I would always sing to you. It’s the “1st of tha Month” and Virgil has been here nearly 1000 days. And still, he shakes like a leaf. When he does make a sound, it’s when I leave for the day. Money (snickers).

I should say hi to your favorite girl. Stop talking about Cherry’s Yabbos. M Anime is fun. I can say anything. Virgil Tunes In B.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 300 ~Braxton, Virgil, So, Universal…~

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My Olds took my sister and me to Disney World, Universal, and other places. Is it this talk of those new IDs, my wasted paid leave, or the fact that I’ve wasted 300 days not doing what I promised Braxton… And Virgil. “Braxton, Virgil, So, Universal…”

Sunday, April 27, 2025

Meditation 300 ~Braxton, Virgil, So, Universal…~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… I have a question. How do you get to Universal Studios? That’s a tough row to hoe.

Considering it took you thirty minutes after sunrise to get up and walk little Virgil. Braxton would have sat on your head until you needed air. And speaking of which, when was the last time you wanted air? It’s only been eight hours, and whether at the Day Job or sitting in bed, you wish you weren’t here. What a way to begin the week.

No wonder you already need a vacation. It’s only 8:00 AM. And even if you had a usual nine to five and the crisis wasn’t nickels and dimes, what then? I just wanna be successful.

Is that what you’re singing today? And what is success? Braxton alive and happy with Virgil. The money, cars, clothes, hoes; suppose Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Independent Study ― Harem University Book 5 by Dirk Knight
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 004 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Because “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” Me? You? Either way, Braxton is gone. Somehow, you have to see Virgil. And even if you didn’t, you couldn’t go out in a “Blaze of Glory” like “300.” Uh-Oh! Guess what day it is? 300 days, and what do you have to show for it? Well, you’re talking to me. As for myself? What’s one more thing to worry about? Money, how long you’re going to be sitting on this mattress, and some girl’s mammaries. Who is it today? Cherry, M Anime, there’s a lot of pretty girls in this city. You’re still upset that you’re wasting all of your paid leave to simply survive. And not visiting your boys’ stepmom, M Anime. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 16, Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 004, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Like how to stop thinking about M Anime in that way, you can’t get her nightmares out of your head. Hell! You’re writing two full-blown novels about them. “There’s Nightmare At The Market,” and “Cries Come Women, Come Country.” If General Xu from the latter novel can make her a wifey, why can’t you? Would that be success to you?

Whatever! Again, you’re wasting all your paid leave time. You’re watching all these good men with their wives and girlfriends having babies and living the dream. You would settle for being Johnny Sins and effing your way around the world. What do you want to do? You want to publish Braxton’s novels, give your kid his name, live like you promised… Braxton, Virgil, So, Universal…

1547 Days Without B III, Day 988 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 297 ~Braxton Spells Much Virgil~

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How do you spell love? God is… Dog is love. To call B a proper gentleman around his favorite girl is to make myself Casanova with M Anime. But my boy made it to Heaven. And I just want to go to bed. I haven’t left. Doomed? Braxton Spells Much Virgil.

Thursday, April 24, 2025

Meditation 297 ~Braxton Spells Much Virgil~

1544 Days Without B III, Day 985 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? “Love and Happiness.” If it wasn’t for love, we wouldn’t be talking today. And happiness?

Braxton, I love you like pancakes. But I’m not happy. Your Dad’s never been happy.

That’s a big claim. But I wasn’t happy at twenty when we first met. And in 2021, I was even more “Broken” with your loss. Only if you want to know something you and your brother have in common besides having four legs. I didn’t know what I felt meeting.

Why am I not talking to Virgil today? We’ve been outside, and he’s had breakfast. But today, I slept a lot later than usual. It’s 9:20 AM. And even that thought makes me cry. Or it’s allergies, AGAIN. How about a lack of sleep? I spoke to you and Virgil’s future stepmom last night and this morning. I gotta stop calling M Anime that. Seriously.

Braxton, how do you spell love? It’s like I’m the Tower of Babel, and you and your brother, your favorite girl, M Anime, Cherry, my Olds, and even myself are the builders, trying to get me to Heaven. But all the noise from everyone. How we speak in different ways, B.

You and Virgil speak of love, but yours is very faint. Being dead and all. I know that’s not funny, Braxton. Your brother tells a different version of love. I’ve got no word for it.

Your favorite girl is a glimmer of joy. When Cherry isn’t saying, “Look at me, look at me,” I’m drooling over her Yabbos. Uh, eww.

When I think of my Olds, your grandparents, you know what I hear? Worthless, waste, and “what you gonna do with your life?” Boys Just Want To Have Fun, remember.

Honestly, I don’t want to look at the “Man in the Mirror.” “It’s no surprise to me. I am my own worst enemy.” Hell! Even now. I’m still on my back, yapping away with you.

Those were the days. And they beat, slithering on my belly, dreaming up scenarios between Joel, Ellie, Dina, and Abby. I got around to watching The Last of Us. And if it wasn’t them or Cherry, then the things I said to M Anime. I’m no gentleman. You’re not, either.

But I raised you to be a better man than me. That B is my love. Braxton Spells Much Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 293 ~Space Between B’s Virgil~

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Am I spacing out? No, I believe I have my feet planted on the ground along with my eyes. I can’t have Virgil eaten by some possum or anything requiring a rabies shot, which reminds me of Money for V’s vaccines like B. “Space Between B’s Virgil.”

Sunday, April 20, 2025

Meditation 293 ~Space Between B’s Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… But, Because, B*tch… It’s only 8:20 AM. And already you’re making excuses and cursing your “life.” Sorry.

The week I’m leaving to you is effed. Only which is more effed? A week filled with humiliations galore, as mine was. Or a week where you’ll make half a day’s wage. Cue the stomachache you’re getting. The space between the zeros in your bank account is getting tighter and tighter. Your stomachache could be a good thing. Smaller stomach.

As if you got any guts. Yesterday, I admitted I was terrified. You know why that is.

“Aren’t you supposed to be validating me or somethin’?

Oh, yeah, actually, I am. Uh, but I’m not gonna do it anymore because you’re lying to me, and it’s exhausting.

(Scoffs)

And you want me to validate that? No. In fact, fuck no.”
Joel and Gail, The Last of Us

In case you haven’t noticed, I’m not your friend. Braxton was/is your friend, son, protector, therapist, and a million other things, but at best, I’m an “Everyday Normal Guy,” ha-ha. “I’m just a regular everyday normal mothereffer,” you’re singing today. You’re an “A*shole” refusing these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 15, Logan Jacobs
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

What does Braxton think about that? He’ll tell you on Monday. You’re dead like him. You get so few Day Job hours that you’re surprised anyone knows you’re still living.

Virgil does. You’re sure V appreciates you not letting that possum eat him while walking. If you want to show your gratitude, it’s this. At the Day Job, you only think about the bad. On the path behind the house, you think of the good and the bad. Being afraid.

Horrified, you’ll always be that boy saying, “I learned about sex from the Sears catalog. And then I played with my mothereffer all day long.” What else is there? Writing…

Seriously (looks at you almost brain-dead). What about OnlyFans? Wishes, worries, wanking. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Independent Study ― Harem University Book 5 by Dirk Knight
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Hell, if you were going to change things up, how about thinking of a way to make over a hundred dollars this week? Write it down or wank one out so you’re clearheaded. Uh Eww! But you know who you are. It’s only been ten hours. Boys, books, boo… Yabbos.

You have two books about Braxton, and you’ll take a picture of Virgil daily… Profit?

However, if you can’t or WON’T do that, you have three erotic books and all the time in the world to imagine. How tight do Yabbos have to be to grip man parts? You’re gross.

How much space do you have between now and the end? Virgil’s vet visit. Other responsibilities that require big bucks. Blame Space Between B’s Virgil

1540 Days Without B III, Day 981 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 290 ~Renewing Braxton’s Membership Virgil~

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May God be with you. May God’s love be with you, always. Godspeed. Things I didn’t say to B as he lay dying. May God be with you all if I ever write a book that sells. No way! And as far as breeding two-leggeds? “Renewing Braxton’s Membership Virgil”

Thursday, April 17, 2025

Meditation 290 ~Renewing Braxton’s Membership Virgil~

1537 Days Without B III, Day 978 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? By the time you’re reading this, your Daddy’s half-dead. But today… Saturday, April 12, 2025.

You won’t like me saying this, Braxton. I’ll let Thandiwe Newton, AKA Dame Vaako, say…

I wouldn’t be surprised if someone promoted him soon… to full dead.
― Dame Vaako

Yes, your Dad is “Feeling super, super (super!) suicid…” But that’s not your fault, Braxton. I wake up “Every Morning” asking, “Why (why?), why (why?) Tell ’em that it’s Human Nature.” Or at least for humans. And I don’t know how to bring myself back to life. Music, Movies, a Manuscript. If you asked me right now to describe life, I would say Cast Away.

I’m Chuck Noland. Your little brother Virgil Vivi is the raft. Honestly, Braxton, it’s why I’m at the Dining Room Table wearing pants despite “Chloe | Kuroinu.” But anyway, B. You’re Wilson out there floating along, and for once, I ain’t crying… I think… Allergies.

So why aren’t I crying? I saw something beautiful on Facebook! OMG! WTF! Right, B?

Anyway, I looked it up, and it’s from a book-turned-movie, “The Art of Racing in the Rain.” If only I weren’t reading Backyard Dungeon 15 this week. Braxton, I was listening to this dog Enzo talk about how if he did return to the land of the living Braxton, he would return as a man.

Do you remember when I was reading all those books about reincarnation? And I’ve been saying for about two and a half years that V isn’t you? I knew I effed up looking for you.

Do you, my son, have a greater destiny? I’ve been joking a lot about M Anime being your stepmom. Mom!

Seriously Braxton. M Anime had this dream, which she wrote into a short story about… She said a crazy general wanted to make her a mother. He did “Bad Things” to her, but she ended up enjoying them. Then he spoke of having sons with her. Breeding? A kinky fetish…

Braxton, as the song asks, “Am I A Psycho?” Well, I’m writing a full-blown manuscript.

Writers, by nature, have to be a little crazy. But “Cries Come Women, Come Country.” Braxton that has been clawing its way through my mind for days. An Erotic Horror? A War Thriller? I don’t know. But if you’re meant to be a man… M Anime and me, B III. Your resurrection. Me as your father. Renewing Braxton’s Membership Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 286 ~B And V’s Letters~

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If I were to write letters to my sons, they should be about being good men or doggies. The fact that their Dad loves them. I could stop apologizing to them all the time or say that I’m happy. That almost made me laugh. 26 letters. “B And V’s Letters”

Sunday, April 13, 2025

Meditation 286 ~B And V’s Letters~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And I wish I could say this.: I’m proud of you, grateful, or even “I love you.”

Yeah, I know. I spent a bit of yesterday listening to Fearless Motivation and everything. Secondly, I would be lying to you. And seeing how it’s now 5:50 AM, you would be lying to yourself. Weren’t you supposed to be up at four? Well, a part of you was. Disgusting.

Instead of focusing on yourself, you could have progressed on ‘Cries Come Women, Come Country.’ You could have been editing M Anime’s short story or delving into her nightmare that inspired your novel. These missed opportunities bring you to your current state of mind. That’s…

Mad. Well, at least you’re not crying over Braxton. As I said so many times last week. Are you depressed or allergic? Either way, it’s not these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Comfort After Pet Loss; Effectively Cope with… by Xydnee James
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

And there’s so much more to be done. You can only tell Braxton you’re sorry.

Explanations, Exaggerations, and things to make you go Eww! What were you looking up before Virgil did that little panicky run of his? HK. If M Anime and Cherry knew. Unlike most guys, you have a need for names, not just nonsensical Yabbos nonsense. Ha!

So why aren’t you working on your novel? Because you got up late. And now you need to talk to yourself. You have to speak to Lady Sophia as well because next week’s gonna suck.

Every day sucks, especially the last 1533 of them. Something else to apologize for. Hmm. Sorry, Virgil, and you’re grateful for him. And if only you’d do Six Impossible Things.

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 15, Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Imagine the Dad that Virgil deserves, the man that Braxton believed in. You have the potential to be that person. You’re not even the one singing out somebody “Save Me” right now, but you can change that. You’ll write it down. But to do it… Writing is both the virus and the vaccination. Whatever. Seriously, you know as much about medicine as RFK Jr… You’re not that effing stupid. You have the potential to learn and grow, even at 40.

That’s about all the motivation you’re going to get from your past life this morning. There’s also the fact you don’t have any videos of Aika Sano from Ane wa Yanmama Junyuu-chuu, so you won’t cut up clips for X. Nevertheless, time, money, and existence.

Big words and ideas you’ll pen. But perform? No! 26 letters in the alphabet saying nothing. B And V’s Letters?

1533 Days Without B III, Day 974 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 283 ~A Sorry’s Between B-V~

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I’m sorry, but I’ll share. Sometimes, that’s too much, and others, not enough. And it depends on whether one of my boys. I’m a father of two… Uh, one? I don’t like remembering. Like when I talk to pretty, pretty girls. Any W’s? A Sorry’s Between B-V.

Thursday, April 10, 2025

Meditation 283 ~A Sorry’s Between B-V~

1530 Days Without B III, Day 971 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m sorry I’m bothering you twice today. I know it’s still Thursday, April 3, 2025.

And truth be told, that’s the least I need to be sorry for. The ole, you’re in a box angle.

Nope! You’re here, Little B, listening to your Dad feel sorry for himself and everything. All as I listen to Harpsibored on YouTube, who reminds me of your potential stepmom. I need to stop calling M Anime that, especially after explaining what happened earlier this morning. In fact, I owe plenty of apologies here at 10:20 AM. Dad’s an A-hole…

However, I’ll start my apology tour with you and Virgil. It’s “Times Like These” Braxton. Four years ago, in late January 2021, I was pretty annoyed with you for keeping me up on a work night. But when I came HOME, I decided you needed to see the veterinarian on Friday. It should’ve been nothing.

I didn’t know we’d say goodbye on Sunday, January 31, 2021. And what about Virgil?

Well, this morning, present day, as I was making a cappuccino, I was thinking about how I’ve been existing with our schedule. I couldn’t remember how many pills you took. Was it two in the morning and one at night or the other way? Well, I’ve been letting Virgil out at sunrise when I’m here. Not 8:00 AM? Writing time… “Nightmare At The Meat Market”. You know that’s based off of M Anime’s dream. And what I’ve been telling her.

I have been kicking myself since Wednesday night. You recall I loaned your favorite girl $500. I gave MILF Dos $300. And now $700. I swear, your Daddy is crazy.

I must not think much of her, or I overthink. When it comes to those I care for… Again, after going through your papers this morning,… $323.60. Euthanasia! Last Day! And even more, trying to save you! And “Only God Knows Why” and how much Virgil’s following vet visit will cost. Not that it matters. He is my son, like you. Aren’t you proud, Braxton?

“And I feel like number one yet I’m last in line
I watch my youngest son and it helps to pass the time.”
Kid Rock

However… I know I’m not the only A-hole here cough Kid Rock cough FDT, right?

Anyway, what about forgiving myself? How? Why? Indulging with Anna and Riko Ichinose. Yes, I’m still upset about missing this morning. Your Dad enjoys sleaze…

Honestly, I want a steak. On $17.00… I’m hungry, Humpin’ Around, and must leave the house. A Sorry’s Between B-V.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 279 ~B Aware Reminded Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Old enough to forget how to breathe. Too harsh? I should have forgotten at 17. Braxton didn’t forget at 15, but he stopped… And whose fault is that? Virgil is 4, and he wonders how I do it. And why I rushed into the rain. B Aware Reminded Virgil

Sunday, April 6, 2025

Meditation 279 ~B Aware Reminded Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… In case you have forgotten, these lights, the water, and the air keeping Virgil TOASTY isn’t yours.

But if you had your way, you’d forget how to breathe. Forty years, but you keep going at it. I forgot to stop too. So it’s not your fault. Only if it keeps raining as it has been for the past hour… FEAR is the strongest advocate for stopping making a mockery of your existence.

But Braxton must be remembered. And Virgil needs his father. He hasn’t gone running yet. Virgil hates the rain. You hate the backyard fence… in the rain. Backyard fence repair.

Yeah, that’s one more thing you haven’t erased from the phone as of yet. You have every reason to quit. I was saying yesterday, after all the pictures of Yabbos, what’s left? A list of failures. My Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Personal Assistant for My Dad’s Best Friend ― Kelli Wolfe
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Like father, like son. You and Braxton were both constantly looking for comfy spots. Ha! Braxton had his favorite girl. But today, you had no girl in particular. Yet B’s favorite girl. M Anime and Cherry are prominent in your gallery. Like you’d forget them.

However, I don’t need to ask why you’re so down today. Fearing the backyard fence… Sure. But you like the rain. It makes everything slow down. Reminds people of mortality.

Again, Braxton found his wings (a picture on the phone), you’re still breathing (unfortunately), and you’re wrapped up in blankets, shaking in fear. Effing fencing…

Braxton would be ashamed… Probably not. Braxton and Virgil, too, are better men than you. That’s why you rushed into the storm. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Comfort After Pet Loss; Effectively Cope with… by Xydnee James
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

One to add is living without fear or, at the very least, “Be Not So Fearful.” Only this comes from a man who nearly creams for a girl at least a thousand miles away, a couple of models, and a ton of anime. Well, not anymore; you reduced the gallery to 300 or so this morning. All left are pictures of your sons, three pretty girls, anime, things that scare you, make you sad, or a smorgasbord of your mind. You need to see this type of stuff. What you need to do is forget all you know. Is there anything that should stay? Memories…

There’s a high school bench. Your First Time. Your son on your shoulder. But FEAR remains. B Aware Reminded Virgil.

1526 Days Without B III, Day 967 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will