Tag: Grade

Tale 313 ~Virgil, Spirits B Damned~

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“I’m a man of God, but I don’t need a savior.” The only thing I ever “willing” bowed to was a little brat on four legs covered in fur. And two well-formed lumps of fat gyrating in my general direction. To have such faiths. “Virgil, Spirits B Damned.”

Thursday, May 9, 2024

Tale 313 ~Virgil, Spirits B Damned~

1194 Days Without B III, Day 635 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day has only just begun. So… I want to go back to bed, B.

As if I ever left. I did take Virgil out early this morning. Are we growing any closer? Braxton, I can tell you that I don’t believe in reincarnation—or rather, yours. Virgil’s not you.

But if I were to go into all the bad things that I believe in… Well, like my love for you, I’d be here always and forever. The Power of Love? Is that the song we are starting with today? Assuming you see all I do from wherever you are, Braxton. (Adjust my pants) Ha!

I was thinking of a more royal aesthetic, my lost prince. That’s what I believe. No! I know you are, along with being a guide, ghost, and godsend. You’re gone from me, Braxton. That’s it.

But you are good. Despite everything, you are good. And that’s what you’ve been telling me for a while now. I need to believe in the good things. And how best to tell me, Braxton?

A Succubus? Comedy comes in threes, THEY say. I’ve read Eric Vall, A.J. Markam, and now Logan Jacobs. His book Backyard Dungeon 9 inspired me today, Braxton. Also, a little bit of Silent Hill. Dark Alessa… The things your Daddy believes, Braxton. To describe it…

Darkness, Madness! But I did say that I believe in love. And what’s left of you is in a box. But on “my” good days. The ones where I get out of bed and work at the table, like today.
When I See You Again…

I have faith that I will, but that never lasts. What time did I really wake up again this morning?

I Have Faith of the Heart that I will have all that I desire in this existence. One day, I may even start calling it a life. My life? If I wasn’t dead before, I died on a rainy afternoon at the vet’s as you were “put to sleep.” I died when I learned Acceptance was not for me, B.

But to live again? You’re telling God or a goddess… Higher powers must be women… (Snickers). You’ll tell them, “He doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” Am I right? Because I believe in monsters, in you my son, myself, even Virgil. Virgil, Spirits B Damned

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 306 ~For A B, Virgil~

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A “Cost Of Living” increase, a “Milestone.” How long have I had my Day Job again? I was Braxton’s Dad for 15 years. And that was more rewarding. What grade would he give me? My grades in school reflect what I am doing now. “For A B, Virgil”

Thursday, May 2, 2024

Tale 306 ~For A B, Virgil~

1187 Days Without B III, Day 628 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Today, I’m time-traveling. I’m speaking to you on Wednesday, May 1, 2024. Tomorrow will be…

That very idea, Braxton, tomorrow will be. People close their eyes in prayer to “God.” Braxton, I tell you all the time. I don’t talk to “God.”. If he, she, or it wanted my “love…” saving you. Talk about how, upon this rock, I shall build “my” church. A headstone?

I never bought you one. But I never bought you a lot of things. And now I have Virgil Vivi here. I’m not doing any better with him. I can’t even save him from the heat. But I did give him a fan. The greatest fan of his life, I am not. But I’m trying, Braxton. Turn on the air?

Yeah, and break something else. I’d rather burn. So, an F for fatherhood or failure.

That’s how I’ve felt this week, but this is a standard work week for everyone else. But to me… I took you to the vet on a Friday. Saturday, I prayed like never before. On a Sunday, I watched them take you from me. No! I gave you up when you would have kept fighting. Oh, look at me now crying! Didn’t I say it was hot? So what I need is water, amongst other things. And little Virgil? I don’t know what he needs. Indeed, a Grade A father.

But that requires money. And to think, I always looked down on my Old Man as that is all I need from him. Dollar, dollar bill, y’all. From a B to an F, my son.

Because at no time in this existence have I been “living” an A-plus life. Before you, Braxton, you don’t know how much I strived for a D in everything I did, but my EFFORTS always fell short. Just a passing grade. For MY mere survival.

And then there was B for breathing, building, becoming, my boy, my B. Uh, books?

Braxton, I’m deeply ashamed to admit that nothing makes me any smarter. I find solace in the works of Eric Vall, Michael Dalton, and Logan Jacobs. But I neglect the books on grief and mourning that could help me… “HEAL” If I’m not going to spend money on Virgil, I could invest in books that teach me something. That’ll help me grow. I need to be better for myself and Virgil Vivi. I need to learn, to understand, to evolve.

But I failed at being a student. And as your Daddy. Or someone that Virgil Vivi can count on? The weight of these decisions is crushing. Fatherhood equals Manhood. Decide? BE! For A B, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Episode 154 ~Well Wish Me, Will~

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I rarely wish anymore; I don’t ask for miracles, wait and hope or more like fear, I can’t tell count how many nightmares I’ve endured, but none of any prophecy as of late, yet I wish to go back to bed and turn off and on my lamp. Well Wish Me, Will.

Sunday, December 2, 2018

Episode 154 ~Well Wish Me, Will~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, well you don’t wish for it unless you’re the President, some other political party figure, or one of the proles and they each get a dollar even that seems much too much for the President and again the party. Excuse me for getting political, but I know you’re planning on making your million and how to get out of Day Job for it; if November were any indication you’d work, but Retail is Hell on Earth honestly.

Tis the season of wishes, hopes, and dreams and my how they have changed since childhood; most nights you wish for the simple, a clean bathroom, an unfrozen car, for “B III” to live forever, you hope not to be humiliated, you dream you could sleep forever. A suicidal sentiment but to Rest In Peace, shouldn’t we want that every night, shouldn’t we want our breaths, the beats of our hearts, everything good and best to come to us all “Johnny On The Spot.” Of course every week a plan is in place to become a better man and have I, will you be, well according to Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
Failed
4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
Failed
5. I Will Finish Dancing In The Dark By T.L. Martin (Goodreads)
Failed
6. I Will Finish My “NaNoWriMo”
Completed

I wish “Triple B” could talk because the first question I would ask him, is he happy, needs his nails clipped, medication time is constantly in flux, a bath would be good, a few other incidentals but he’s lying here on vacation. Three authors aren’t worried about anything I have to say and contrary to the opinion of NaNoWriMo, the world doesn’t need your novel, and something worse than a 17.5 F isn’t going to make you feel any better. Plan for this week but why bother, you’re busy being a prole, gambling on the probability, the possibility, of dealing with fewer people when you need only deal with one and his Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
5. I Will Finish Dancing In The Dark By T.L. Martin (Goodreads)
6. I Will Edit One Chapter Of My Newly Written Novel

Always the wish is to be a better Will than yesterday, to show tomorrow what is coming so maybe one day your “magic lamp” the one sitting on your nightstand is minuscule compared to everything else; my the wishes we have made, to wake up, watch TV, wonder. Yes, wonder and not plan on the future when the walls come tumbling down, to have the power to make your dreams become a reality and yet serve every Master but yourself, how you make their dreams come to fruition, so they do, Well Wish Me, Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 147 ~The Language Of Will~

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Every time I go to speak, it comes out as a yawn, a tapestry of obscenity or praise for B III; how I wish I could know appreciation for keeping myself alive and all that’s required is taking pills slathered in peanut butter. The Language Of Will

Sunday, November 25, 2018

Episode 147 ~The Language Of Will~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, with NaNoWriMo nearly over I have been lost in my Motivational playlist, I have done you the courtesy of adding it to Youtube, but one of the phrases I remember is something to the tune of, keep your mouth shut and work, let your success make the noise. I’m going to tell you this second that one of your goals this week, will be to finish “Plague Two Pay” even if right now it sounds like Star Trek Deep Space Nine “Babel.”

Social Anxiety can be a real bitch (Language Please), but there are times like these I don’t think it’s “SAD” but more like utter exhaustion; the way I have been speaking this weekend can be chalked up in one word, Zzz… If it’s not that it’s the marching of God only knows how many feet, but as the song goes 99 Problems, but I’m not missing any bitch yet (again Will). If I do speak actual words they have mostly been “Take your medicine puppy,” “such a good boy,” or “not right now” so you already know what I’ve failed with those, Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 002 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
Failed
4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
Failed
5. I Will Finish Dancing In The Dark By T.L. Martin (Goodreads)
Failed
6. I Will Continue “NaNoWriMo” 12,600
Completed

What’s one more 17. 5 F and in this case, the F would stand for; yeah, I’m not going to say but with my Motivations, that F should start the mantra of Find A Way and haven’t you today, giving yourself another 1,800 words for the novel. What about going out to make some money though you’re already $150.00 down “Grammarly” that’s for your career, nothing has staunched the idea you’re going to make it as a writer and shouldn’t that count as a real blessing. Can you be glad that this is the last week of NaNoWriMo and what will you do with all your time after that, editing is going to be a pain in the: yes save the dirty words for the story and the overwhelming exhaustion for these Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
5. I Will Finish Dancing In The Dark By T.L. Martin (Goodreads)
6. I Will Finish My “NaNoWriMo”

Words like Easy Street, Rested, and Happy don’t come to a man like you, but you have to start thinking positively, and I’m sure you don’t want me mentioning, Motivation, NaNoWriMo, or Ant one more time but fact vs. fiction, you have a chance at finishing one of those. Once you stop playing pretend though, what comes next, what does it take to be Phenomenal other than hard work, kicking everything else to the curb, how about a lifetime commitment, writing The Language Of Will.

I Will Have No Fear

Episode 140 ~Will Be Back Soon~

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As the song goes, “shut’em down, open up shop,” that’s my life I need to abandon this farce and go for something else and ain’t I writing a book, probably storing energy for an uglier load of trash, Black Friday. Will Be Back Soon

Sunday, November 18, 2018

Episode 140 ~Will Be Back Soon~

To Will:
How To Make One Million Dollars, ignore everything that’s not making you money with of course the exception of writing and boy did I screw up there because I’m on time, that means I’m late. Speaking of which the day job, I wish I could go back to being the person that was early, the person that said yes to everything, hell the person that semi-okay and keep in mind this is the job you hate, a land of fear, and this week it will be a million times crazier with Black Friday.

Sometimes I wish I could find the place where I parted ways with happy, but that would only be opening myself up to let the world destroy me once again and do you think you could take another drop like that? I’ll say this much; I think you’re finally starting to rediscover that rage, and you should be mad at me, the General Manager, the population that claims one thing and spits out another. Much like you will continue to do because somebody has to mind the store, the bag of flesh you pretty much are for the moment to again keep up with NaNoWriMo and yeah Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
Failed
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
Failed
4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
Failed
5. I Will Finish Dancing In The Dark By T.L. Martin (Goodreads)
Failed
6. I Will Catch-Up Fully With My New Novel “NaNoWriMo Challenge”
Completed

Back to 17.5 F but I’m not patting myself on the back by any means and I know better than to ask you to bring us to some decent grade, this week the goal if anything is to survive and yet always striving for something better. No that’s for the heartless hinds then again Black Friday and all that’s honestly what you will be, not predator nor prey but cannon fodder wishing to rise no more. Yeah but you look like that now, pretty much like shit wanting nothing more than to be back in your bed or the shower if it didn’t look like a graveyard, like your writing these same Six Impossible Things:

1. I Will Keep It In My Pants (Day 002 No Fap) Real Girls Are An Exception
2. I Will Be The “Father” My Dog Deserves
3. I Will Review Sell My Soul (Sixty Days #1) by Jade West
4. I Will Review Depredation By Natalie Bennett
5. I Will Finish Dancing In The Dark By T.L. Martin (Goodreads)
6. I Will Continue “NaNoWriMo” 12,600

All the things that you need to say and do, and already you are looking like an empty shell, giving everything to your son, the store, the story, and the sadness and there is nothing left for you is there; like this week however you know what the people will ask. Find it and you’re afraid that it won’t be there, that’s what this entire life feels like nowadays that you walked into a store at Closing Time, the midnight hour, Black Friday and everything is only a wreck, and the only wreath is the one on your tombstone that reads Will Be Back Soon.

I Will Have No Fear