Tag: Reality

Meditation 231 ~Press B For Strength~

WillLeave a comment

I feel his hand on my brain, Tupac said of God. My little God, my Braxton… Ahem, I feel his butt on my head, so I get up and go out and let B do his thang. So I got up to batter the keys and not the bed. Am I better? Stronger? ‘Press B For Strength.”

Monday, February 17, 2025

Meditation 231 ~Press B For Strength~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Birthday Cake… I know it’s not your favorite subject. But as long as we’re talking about me. Not you.

And isn’t that why I’m here? While I’ll always be here. Warming up your legs… Because it can’t only be the cold. It’s a bad habit, Dad, to lie in bed all day. Though I know, I agree with you. It was “Almost Heaven, West Virginia…” Stick to barking. Right?

That’s one more thing that would get you out of bed. Why do you imagine my paradise waiting for you beside the Rainbow Bridge is one big bed surrounded by my favorite foods on all sides? Especially with the way I left you. I couldn’t eat at all. Sorry, Daddy.

Today, you imagine me as your Ee’char from one of those shows we’d watch in the “glow box” sometimes. Remember those times, Daddy? And what happened to him? Don’t cry.

You said a few days ago that you write down questions you’ve answered. Broken record…

But if I need to repeat it, okay. It’s not your fault. What you did to my still beating heart… I understand, Daddy. I know.

“Cast in the name of God, Ye not Guilty” ―

There are so many things from the “glow boxes” today, aren’t there? Anyway, dear father.

What is it I’m trying to say? With these hands, your hands, the hands of he who will forever be my best friend, brother, a believer of a better world. Father, Dad, and my protector. You are neither a murderer nor an executioner. So, who are you? That’s yet another question, and here is my answer, Dad. You are better than this always and forever.

The hands that went to battle for me when we faced the ‘Hounds of Hell,’ i.e., other humans’ fur buddies, can build a whole new world. It’ll be Virgil’s, Daddy. Virgil, my little brother, is my legacy and your responsibility. However long it may take, I ask that you don’t take too long with him. Virgil Vivi Bradford is my little brother, and he is your son. Daddy, I ask you to be kind, please.

Don’t be troubled by all the bucks you would tell me about. Or the two B’s in Yabbos that would have you sending me away and on your belly. Or the bites of food that remain in that cold box, which I could feel in the food place sometimes. Be good. Press B For Strength

“We who send you the signs know you very well. We understand you. We love you. We always have. We always will.” ―
Kate McGahan Jack McAfghan
Pawprints from Heaven

“No day shall erase you from the memory of time.”
― Virgil
Publius Vergilius Maro

1478 Days Without B III, Day 919 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 230 ~We’ll B Overthinking Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

So why am I randy, passionate, hot, and bothered today… Well, a woman I like isn’t mad at me. Some dirtier thoughts got posted. And today is “The Cherry Collison.” Why think about “her” yabbos. I overthink everything else. We’ll B Overthinking Virgil

Sunday, February 16, 2025

Meditation 230 ~We’ll B Overthinking Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And this is the age of Doublethink. So, how come I was not more of a rebel?

Because I overthink. As will you. As will all. See, it’s already started. But as always, we begin with Braxton. Have you figured out what took him from you yet? Seriously, my boy… My man. Technically, the Braxton mourning period is from the last week of January to the 13th of February. And between now and the third week of January 2026. If you live.

And even now, you don’t want that. But since you need to figure out why 2-V was crying… Um… I kicked him out because he wouldn’t stay put, and the storm was scaring him. And if he had been Braxton. Here we go again… AHEM. “And I would have stayed up with you all night had I known how to save a life.” Or how to do Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Quickies! by Adriena Temple, 50 Flash Fiction Stories of Pure…
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Overthinking should be on the list. Why? Because it’s causing you to write down questions you already know the answers to. This isn’t any of your Math classes looking for X. It’s about recognizing when you’re overthinking and stopping yourself from going down that path.

Anyway, why should overthinking be on the list? Yesterday? Yeah, I was all messed up regarding M Anime. But what did she say? She needed to catch five hours of sleep. Eff!!! If anything, you know all about getting some sleep. But to rest ever. I tried, you tried, SIGH.

Not when there are so many yabbos, your yogurt slinger, and your words, your words, your words, they have power. Your words have the power to change things. One of the guys on X/Twitter showed your ngl message about… nevermind.

Worry about Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING A Season of Giving Harem University Book 4, Dirk Knight
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Amongst other things… Terrible thing to live in fear, as Stephen King put it. Living?

Honestly, next to Braxton dying, you having to live is the worst. Ask Virgil someday.

Virgil is only a reflection of you? Hell! I’m a reflection of you and don’t know what to tell you. More like I don’t know how not to lie to you. Because again, I overthought everything, and now you have a whole week to. That’s right, you’re not working. ANY?

Honestly! What have you been doing since we’ve been having this conversation? At best, waiting for your tax refund… On a Sunday… And that’s only one more worry. Get up. That’s right. Cleaning, cooking, the cost of living, and your Cock-a-Doodle-Doo. We’ll B Overthinking Virgil

1477 Days Without B III, Day 918 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 229 ~B’s For Blame Virgil~

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B is for a big mouth. Maybe I should say F for my effing fingers. So… How did V-Day go? Forgiving the fact that the 13th was B’s 20th birthday. The fight I had with Adore Me over M Anime’s gift. And her not talking to me… B’s For Blame Virgil.

Saturday, February 15, 2025

Meditation 229 ~B’s For Blame Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… This means I am guiltless. Cast in the name of God. Ye not Guilty, Lady Lunalesca.

For what? “The Big O” from last night? And that wasn’t even with M Anime. But for the record, she did get me all hot and bothered. And the next thing you know, I’m spilling all over that girl Mei from Overwatch. She’s so much like M Anime, Lady Lunalesca.

But we’ll get to that. What about my boys, my boys! Braxton’s gone, and speaking of spilling… Virgil decided to puke all over the bed, giving me another reason to change the sheets. Next thing you know, I’m kicking him out because I believe he wasn’t sick at all. Anxiety? I can relate. I’ve been frazzled all morning. But I’m not grieving for my Braxton.

Braxton’s gone. Virgil’s not due for a check-up until April.

But if something happens to Virgil before then… What am I supposed to say, Lunalesca?

I’ve got “Faith of The Heart.” I had that for Braxton. And he didn’t live to see his twentieth birthday. And didn’t I say I would stop blaming myself for Braxton being gone? Never Acceptance.

Once again, it’s the fifteenth, and I haven’t cried for Braxton once today. But whenever I’m in pain, I think of the worst crime I ever committed. Seriously, Lunalesca, Gale had Katniss kiss him when he was in pain. All I have is the memory of the son that I failed. But wait, there’s more! I can blame myself for everything, but Luna, do I look a thing like Jesus?

Lunalesca, I talk like a gentleman, like you imagine “When You Were Young.” I’m forty.

So what mistake did this forty-year-old make yesterday with my Valentine? Takes a breath I started the morning with a good morning text and hoped she’d have a “Lovely Day.” I sent her a couple of songs and then asked her permission to show her picture, you know, take a look at my “girlfriend,” and all. She said she was bashful, so I didn’t. She spent most of the day ranting about everything: the IRS, exploitive management, and such. You know I’m one for ranting and complaining, dear Lady Lunalesca.

Plus, my type is the broken doll or the prettiest doll I want to break. Anyway, I bought her a survival kit, which is her thing. And some lingerie, which is my thing, but she suggested what she wanted. I read about this nightmare she had. Who am I to talk? I turned Nightmare At The Meat Market into a 50,000-word novel inspired by her nightmares. In the evening, we talked about dinner and the different anime we watched as children. We also talked about culture and languages. And then, Lady Lunalesca. Here we go.

Breathes, I brought up my friends. M Anime is Puerto Rican. But there’s Cherry who’s an English girl and white. Awesome melons! I didn’t say that part. There’s Braxton’s Aunt, who’s Black Girl magic personified. And then I said if I had an Asian girl and a lesbian friend, I’d be set… And I haven’t heard from M Anime since. So now what, Lady Luna?

“Sorry, Blame It On Me.” I even tried to use that line from Kanye West to explain it a bit:

“My favorite girl wanna leave me just because I got a girlfriend
My freak girl told me now she a Christian
My white girl wanna move back to Michigan
I’m pulling girls off the bench like a sixth man” ―

And I texted M Anime this morning asking if she was upset. That’s Valentine’s Day.

For all I know, I did nothing. But I blame myself for everything. And if I messed up, the likelihood of Braxton getting a stepmom… But B’s For Blame Virgil?

1476 Days Without B III, Day 917 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 224 ~On B’s Being Popular~

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After all the likes I got, I’ve been a busy bee with videos of the queen… queens. But what of my son? Four years ago, I got him back in a box. And how do I choose to remember him? How does he remember me? And all these people… “On B’s Being Popular.”

Monday, February 10, 2025

Meditation 224 ~On B’s Being Popular~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… I have a question. And, of course, I start with food. When was the last time we had honey?

You see honey buns at the bad place all the time. You know, the place that always took you away from me. The reason you were so tired and mad whenever you came back home.

Home? I know you don’t like that word. And even now, you’re crying because today… Four years ago, you got a call that I was ready to be returned to you… That I was prepared to come home. It wasn’t on my own four legs. A box. A baggie. Brother.

Inevitable, wasn’t it, brother, my brother? My Dad. You said it yourself, twenty years, Dad. I got fifteen. And I wish those were the years you would see. 20/20 vision. Do you see what I did there? Pesky eye doctors.

But the world didn’t end on Thursday, December 31st 2020. It didn’t end on Sunday, January 31st 2021. And as much as you wish for it. Daddy, it didn’t end with E-Day either, and you know why that is. You were meant to be my Daddy. I became your son. Always and forever. Neither one of us becoming the Cool Kids, though you promised. Remember.

You would be like Dennis Hof, and I would be your Domino. Will Bradford and Braxton Bradford. Which explains what you were working on this morning. Being cool with people…

“Popular! You’re gonna be popular!” But for what? It didn’t matter why or when, Dad. We had each other. And with me, your sonny, the money, and the right honey…

Didn’t M Anime come a-calling yesterday? Daddy, will you ask her to be your Valentine?

Again, you were working at the glow box this morning because everyone was as excited as I was whenever my favorite girl came around. She had great big “mountains,” Daddy.

GokuSen? Is that a buried memory? The two of us watched that together. Good times.

That’s my roundabout way of saying this, Dad. Bees aren’t remembered for their sting or the pain they may inflict. But for what they produce. The honey. They say if bees die, then people don’t have long. Daddy, you’re my person, and like Black Panther…

Daddy, I never yielded, and as you can see, I’m not dead. I’m B, Celebrate that! On B’s Being Popular

“You think you’re good? Who is left that you love? Who do you fight for?”
― Morning Star, Pierce Brown

“Let me rage before I die.”
― Virgil, The Aeneid

1471 Days Without B III, Day 912 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 223 ~It’ll B Lovely, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I’ve wondered where to stream WWE PLEs and the Olympics. But I never figured I’d be looking for “The Big Game.” The commercials, anyway. And I can’t say I’ve loved or even liked them over the past few years. But today, maybe… It’ll B Lovely, Virgil

Sunday, February 9, 2025

Meditation 223 ~It’ll B Lovely, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And today didn’t start out with Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows. Um, aren’t you supposed to be manly?

Do you see yourself? Unfortunately, your eyes aren’t full of tears. If anything, you had a delightful dream. You know the type… Fallout, Apocalyptic, Braxton as “Dogmeat” by your side.

Crying over your Lost Boy was the least of your problems. Seriously? You think that!

Well, today is all about the Big Game. And Braxton help you. Last night and this morning, you were trying to figure out where to watch it. More to the point, watching the ads. Ha!

That’s the guy we all know and love… Nope! You put the only guy you love in the ground. Well, in an oven… That was extremely dark but par for the course in Trump’s MAGA America. Eww! Focus on you and failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING ― Satan’s Sorority Girls 8
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 014, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

The courage of men fails. Well, yours does, anyway. But being a monster… You are Braxton’s Dad. You’re trying with Virgil. And yes, today is about football. Is that manly?

Liking Yabbos is… There are many ways to be a man, but you were singing I’m the man, I’m the man, I’m the man with all the likes and reposts on X/Twitter. People like Yabbos.

Wanting to be the man that provides Yabbos and tells the world I’m a mother effin’ P.I.M.P. Tsubaki Miyajima’s assets certainly accomplished this. And you’ve already set up an alert to share Reina Kurashiki’s should the opportunity present itself. Will it? And now you’re thinking about Cherry and her Mum’s sets of melons. Man, you’re The Monster. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Quickies! by Adriena Temple, 50 Flash Fiction Stories of Pure…
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Because a man would keep his word. A man provides. A man, a real man, a daddy saves his son. But tomorrow is the fourth anniversary of receiving Braxton’s ashes. The 13th is Braxton’s birthday. And then comes Valentine’s Day. Does Braxton need a step-mom?

Virgil does. But from a girl like M Anime? You asked her to be your Valentine last year… And what happened? If I ask you how to define love, you have only one word, Braxton.

Do you expect her to break out into My Boy Lollipop over you? And she has cats. Not that you have anything against cats, but your fur buddy Virgil… And you don’t even love yourself. The day you accomplish that… Someday… It’ll B Lovely, Virgil

1470 Days Without B III, Day 911 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 222 ~Inheriting B’s Nine Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

The Big Game’s Sunday, but I’m not even looking forward to the commercials. And eating? $100.00 doesn’t go so far. But the days I shared with B. And V’s here. If the world remains. Dogs don’t get nine lives. And men. “Inheriting B’s Nine Virgil”

Saturday, February 8, 2025

Meditation 222 ~Inheriting B’s Nine Virgil~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… This means I should be running the Squid Games. Or have people living in a Vivarium.

I’m feeling the weight of everything, Lu. I need to turn off the noise, the distractions, because they’re just adding to the heaviness. I need your support. Don’t I always?

Depression is not a good thing. Neither are my decisions. Or my wayward DICtation, Ha!

And speaking of shooting my mouth off or other parts of my anatomy… There is always my Special Drawer. I should say Special Draws… Keep your pants on, right Lunalesca.

If I had, I wouldn’t be so unhappy this morning. My lady, I’m never happy.

Honestly, why should I be? Braxton is gone. Virgil is somewhere else in every sense. Lunalesca, V’s living his one life, which leads to a question. Besides, who do I like more, Cherry or her mum?

How about Tsubaki Miyajima or Sakura? I swear that’s my latest KINK. There’s also whether I call them pigtails or handlebars… I’m going to get all worked up again, Luna.

And I don’t need that. But I just needed to feel something. “A safe home and a warm bed on a quiet little street.” What about a full stomach? I had that via Pizza Hut. But now I only want to vomit. I’m not blaming them. That would be the energy shot I’ve taken, Luna.

Because Every Day Is Exactly the Same. So why not join my son B III. Take it to the bridge, as in the Rainbow Bridge. Virgil needs me, and my schedule is jam-packed with things to do, dearest Lunalesca.

January 31: Braxton Passed Away
February 4: Braxton Was Cremated
February 10: Braxton Was Returned
February 13: Braxton’s Twentieth Birthday
August 13: Virgil’s Gotcha Day
E-Day: Second Worst Day Ever
October 20: Virgil’s Fifth Birthday
Yesterday: The Horror, The Horror
Today: What Did I Do?

Last night, I was thinking about all the months I’d wasted since the last E-Day. And then today started with me lying in the dark. I didn’t whisper the names of my enemies like in Golden Son or Morning Star. But instead, moaning as if there’s Thirteen Women and Only One Man in Town. No. I’m Just A Man with a Special Drawer full of…

Lunalesca, once upon a time, it was Cool Devices. And now? Inheriting B’s Nine Virgil.

1469 Days Without B III, Day 910 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 217 ~Will You B III~

WillLeave a comment

“The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had,” I had one of those last night. But for 15 years, I had my son. And over a year later, I promised another fur buddy I’d look out for him. But being brave, blessed, and better. Will You B III.

Monday, February 3, 2025

Meditation 217 ~Will You B III~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Braxton Barks Bradford. Daddy, you’ve eulogized, prayed, and remembered me for a week, months, four years. 1464 Days Later…

And your first thought of me is not of my passing but of my might. Why can’t every day be like this? No. You would prefer to think that “Everyday Will Be Like a Holiday.” Moments where a song like “Something Just Like This” doesn’t make you cringe or cower.

Again, when you “Woke Up This Morning,” it was not cowardice, death, or embarrassment that you wanted. No, it was courage, Daddy; enough for today.

Courageous. Thou art courageous, my father. Not only for today. Or the next few hours.

Always and forever, as you taught me. All the times, I cried but not on my last day. I didn’t. I lived bravely. I live bravely. I live in you, always, forever, your Golden Son.

How would I know such things if I were not still with you? I was there when you began reading Pierce Brown’s books. I was there as you read Satan’s Sorority Girls 8… Don’t worry, Daddy, I was asleep on your chest as usual… Why do you think Virgil moved?

“Make Room! Make Room!” But speaking of books, Daddy, what about the Bible? The Beatitudes. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Is that what we’re doing here, Daddy? We are not men of faith. Didn’t you call yourself an atheist too?

But then you would tell anybody and everybody that a soul like mine couldn’t vanish.

Daddy is always right because I didn’t. I’m with you, the Jung-bae to your Gi-hun.

I need you to believe in better, not only in your bravery and courage, or that you will be blessed. I need you to believe that you will make it through. Well, everything… You’re Dad.

Yes, it is Grandpa that has you all up in arms. As if I don’t remember. Literally! Grandpa would stop by when you weren’t here, and maybe, just maybe, I wasn’t so brave, Dad, ha.

But you would walk in, and I’d leap into your arms, and I knew you would protect me, Dad. Because that’s what Dads do. Such a thought… And you do that now, always and forever, by being who you’ve always been, even if you don’t believe it. Brave, blessed, and better. Will You B III

“My son, my daughter, now that you bleed, you shall know no fear, no defeat, only victory. Your cowardice seeps from you. Your rage burns bright. Rise, warrior of Gold, and take with you your Color’s might.”
― Golden Son

“Death twitches my ear;
‘Live,’ he says…
‘I’m coming.”
Virgil

1464 Days Without B III, Day 905 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 216 ~To B Fair Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Life’s a game for everyone. Life’s a game, but it’s not fair. If I had my way, I would quit right now. But who would remember my son, my Braxton? I haven’t published his book yet. And my boy Virgil is still here. But… To B Fair Virgil.

Sunday, February 2, 2025

Meditation 216 ~To B Fair Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And I know it’s not fair. You’re still breathing. Braxton’s Aunt Augusta confirmed that the other day.

At forty, you find yourself navigating life as an African-American, an atheist and often feeling alone. You know Virgil is here, but you also understand that it’s not the same.

Always and forever, remember that. I’m sure Braxton does. And what did that get him? Dead. And a father with an unhealthy obsession with death. Please! You were way into the dead, darkness, and dystopias before, during, and after Braxton. But without him here… Oh, what a world, what a world. “What a world, what a life, I’m in love…”

However, it’s with the prospect of leaving. It would only be fair with what you did to Braxton. Ending him. But it’s also important to forgive ourselves. How’s that going? With everything that connects us, this is the universal truth. Braxton is gone because you failed him. He met with the fire on Thursday, February 4, 2021. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Surviving Pet Death, Gracie Wyatt
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 014 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Hell! You should have put saving your son’s life. At least then, all of these failures would be fair. Or giving Virgil a better life. For 904 Days, life still hasn’t been fair to him.

Life hasn’t been fair to you since E-Day forty years ago. But you can say it’s been unfair for 1463 Days. You lost your player two, the samples, Triforce, and you ran out of time on the mission. Gaming? Well, between moving everything back upstairs and the phone. But Prince said, “We are gathered here today to get through this thing called life.” B did.

Still, today, after a text from your father… That’s all it took to fail Number Six: “I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am.” What about the other Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING ― Satan’s Sorority Girls 8
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 014, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You don’t want to play this game anymore. GOD, how I know! I faced Braxton’s Euthanasia once again. And its aftermath. You know that Braxton’s cremation was on the 4th. And next week… The 10th is Braxton’s return. His ashes are in a box on the nightstand. The 13th is Braxton’s birthday. These dates, each one a painful reminder of loss. The 14th, that’s V-Day.

And no, not for Virgil. Will you talk M Anime into being your Valentine? A beautiful Puerto Rican woman who goes between calling you her bro AHEM step-bro. And then offering herself. Life, Existence… Seriously?

Existence is efffing wrong. Or as 50 Cent said, “Death gotta be easy ’cause life is hard.” If that ain’t the truth. And it’s easier to tell the truth to prosti… than a psychiatrist, right.

It’s why you write to harem girls, yourself, and Braxton. Or he speaks through you. Sigh. To B Fair Virgil.

1463 Days Without B III, Day 904 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 215 ~One, Virgil, B Here~

WillLeave a comment

The one time… Um, two that I liked going downstairs. When Braxton’s favorite girl and I had a movie night. And then moving things back upstairs for Braxton’s “memorial.” Virgil’s still here. And who am I, Dante or some character? One, Virgil, B Here.

Saturday, February 1, 2025

Meditation 215 ~One, Virgil, B Here~

Hey Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… So, by this point, I have built Braxton Barks Bradford, a temple mightier than the pyramids.

My son, my shining prince. And who am I, Pharaoh? If I had started earlier, I would have watched The Ten Commandments or Malcolm X last night, Dear Lady Lunalesca.

However, it was the usual day. What is “normal” about my son being euthanized, Luna?

That it happened four years ago. And how did I spend this fourth anniversary? Breathing.

Yes, I woke up to find that was still the case, though I was up till around one this morning.

So how did I spend yesterday? It was standard. I only left once to pick up a burger, fries, and a shake. I shared them with Virgil in honor of Braxton. I cried six times.

Lunalesca, who’s counting. Two meals, four movies, and 1462 Days.

That’s around four years. The fourth anniversary of my Braxton’s loss to the world, Lu.

I can’t help but feel it should have been me. The thought of reaching for that one thing in my nightstand, you know what I mean, it crossed my mind. But then I think, who would be here for Virgil? Was I there for Braxton when he needed me most?

Well, considering Braxton isn’t here anymore… The only mess I almost made was with the second head, recreating Lester Burnham’s shower scene from American Beauty.

Lunalesca, how dare I! But I didn’t finish. I didn’t deserve to. Braxton is DEAD! Lately, there hasn’t been any particular song playing in my head. As you can see, it’s mostly movie quotes. It was tradition for Braxton and I. Our movie nights… Then his aunt came along, too.

Lunalesca, she has her own stuff. Cherry is always writing. And M Anime finally got back to me, but of course, I was fulfilling A Dog’s Purpose. Really? Somehow! Lunalesca.

“So, in all my lives as a dog, here’s what I’ve learned. Have fun, obviously. Whenever possible, find someone to save, and save them. Lick the ones you love. Don’t get all sad-faced about what happened and scrunchy-faced about what could. Just be here now.” From Bailey, A Dog’s Purpose

If I could be so lucky. If only my sons were. But I’ve been stuck in the past with both.

Virgil will have a future if neither one of my heads pops off. If you get my drift. The future:

Black History Month begins today
Feb 4. Braxton was cremated
Feb 10. Braxton was returned
Feb 13. Braxton’s twentieth birthday
Feb 14. M Anime, Valentine?

And let’s not forget where I was this time last year or in 2021. But the one lesson from last night. Be here now… Without Braxton? One, Virgil, B Here

Tale 215 B For Virgil’s Freedom

Gospel 215 Act From Desire Not Insecurity

1462 Days Without B III, Day 903 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 210 ~Will B Another Day~

WillLeave a comment

The day I was born is the day I want to forget. The day my son B died is a day that I’ll always remember. And so I relive it going on four years on the 31st. And if my son returned asking that I choose another day in our “lives.” “Will B Another Day”

Monday, January 27, 2025

Meditation 210 ~Will B Another Day~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… No choirs of angels, no gnashing of teeth, and when did I ever make friends of my own kind…

Though Gabriel was Aunt Georgia’s fur kid. There’s also Wishbone. As if I needed to know where your love of reading came from. He was named after a dog from the glowing box. There’s also his brother Jason… Ha, what a funny name. And a black Chow Chow with no name at all who came here much too young. But he and I both left in your arms, Dad. Not by choice, because who would ever want to leave you? Now and later on… Forever

Daddy, humans, and their numbers, but okay, I’ll bite, ha-ha. Sunday, January 31, 2021, okay. But here you are. No, here we are. It’s been four years, Dad. Well, it’s about to be so, Daddy…

What’s next? You don’t know.

How many times have you dreamed up Heaven for me? Hell? And the Rainbow Bridge…

All Dogs Go To Heaven, right? Though I doubt you’ll be watching that on Friday. However, do you remember when you said that Hell would be an endless series of doors to places you don’t want to be? For me, it would be that same series of doors. Only I could not protect you. You couldn’t pet me. And we could never find our place.

Remember, Dad, you said there was a place for us. People for us… though I was happy, just you and me. Plus, there would be a ton of food. Not one day, someday, another day.

“From Now On”… Only, “Every Day Is Exactly the Same”

The day I left you. But there were so many other days, Dad. How many days were there when I knew as you did… You would call to me, or you’d hear me come running…

Knowledge is stronger than belief. Will you be watching “The Book of Clarence” on Friday?

Anyway, you and I knew this, “I’m all yours, I’m not afraid. And you’re all mine,” and that was all. What are we, girls… Twilight? You know how I felt about girls other than grandma and my two aunts. But again, Dad, I know that reliving that one day… the day… I died. It’s insanity. But all the best people are crazy. Especially you, Dad. But could you choose another day? Will B Another Day.

I believe death is only a door. When it closes, another opens. If I cared to imagine a heaven, I would imagine a door opening, and behind it, I would find him there.
― Sonmi-451

The best days are the first to flee
― Virgil

1457 Days Without B III, Day 898 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son