Tag: Worry

Meditation 090 ~Letters V. Numbers Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

A letter every Sunday to count up the week’s failures. Genius? But whoever called me that? Braxton thought I was for 15 years. But here I am at 40. And I knew better at 7. And isn’t 2V’s birthday soon? “Letters V. Numbers Braxton”

Sunday, September 29, 2024

Meditation 090 ~Letters V. Numbers Braxton~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And you could be looking better. Living. Loving. Live, Laugh, Love… And other things you won’t read.

Like the two novels I wrote for Braxton? Remember, it’s still September. And “Today is all about you.” I know, I know! My former self talked to me about the music references, too. But between listening to your Braxton’s ghost. The pitter-patter of Virgil being allowed into the room after… Well, you know how most of these mornings begin… Uh…

Dammed for your son being gone. Damn! You had to wake up. DAAAAAMN! The girl you’re looking at is ten, even without double Ds. Or they’re even bigger Yabbos. Or…

And you see, that’s why “One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do.” Give yourself a break. At least it didn’t take you an hour to quit moaning. Thirty-Five minutes. Now Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Camgirl Harem: Willow and Harper
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

“The Good Book” says it took God six days to create the Heavens and the Earth. So what? So, it was a standard workweek, and he got called in on a Saturday. No wonder “it’s” angry. And on the 7th, he rested and tried not to think about how, uh, yes, mistakes were made. Lots.

“There’s too many men, too many people
Making too many problems
And there’s not much love to go around.”
― Land of Confusion by Genesis

And here you are on your 7th day. Braxton breathed his last on a Sunday. Stop it! “It’s no surprise to me; I am my own worst enemy.” Stop it! And since “I got enemies, got a lot of enemies.” Seriously! “Many men wish death upon me.” You’re giving yourself far too much credit. It’s one of the reasons you have this list. To remember. Letters, Numbers Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Devil’s Bargain by Kelli Wolfe
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

The Letter is F. The Number is Zero or One. And to pour a little salt in the wound, this all started on Sunday, January 7, 2018, Lesson 190 ~Hot And You’re Cold~. It reached this “version” on Sunday, January 28, 2018, Lesson 211 ~Here’s To The F-Words~. I swear.

Seven years… If fifteen is your lucky number (Braxton’s Age). Then seven is… Stop It!

The critic is always saying I had to stay on topic. I’m sure you’ll hear that. But then again, with this week? The point is that it’s not letters/words or numbers today. It is about your actions, Will. They hold the power to change things.

But not sleeping, slapping the sausage, or salacious words. You must speak to your son.

And this letter? It’s not just another numbered failure. It’s a call to action. Please Act! Letters V. Numbers Braxton.

1337 Days Without B III, Day 778 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 087 ~V To Talk Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

Most days, anything I say isn’t worth a text. I message B III’s Aunt. I’ve stopped asking M Anime to see her Yabbos… For the most part. And as long as I “heart” Cherry’s work… There are other buttons, Alarms, gates, and pants. V To Talk Braxton.

Thursday, September 26, 2024

Meditation 087 ~V To Talk Braxton~

1334 Days Without B III, Day 775 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m still in bed this afternoon, Saturday, September 21, 2024. Am I growing up yet?

You were much more of a man than me, B III. But alas, I’m too tired to cry. Terrified? Can I say I’m throwing a temper tantrum? My fortieth Emergence Day has come and gone.

Will I go back to crying about you at the end of the month? I don’t know, Little B. Inevitably, I will cry about you, B. Other than that… I can push buttons saying anything. That seems to be my theme for today. I’m having all sorts of trouble communicating.

Today, your Dad was busy with a little “Bump n’ Grind.” Eww! I’ll never forget having to warn you not to hump your toys in front of your aunt. Or get all up in her Yabbos. Like father, like son.

But again, this is supposed to be about me. And being a meanie to your little brother Virgil Vivi… There was a time I would sit with you in your room all day when you were sick or cuddle you. I just put up the gate today to quit Virgil from coloring the carpet again with his stomach stew. Again, Eww! Your Dad’s not great with language. Speaking my feelings

Braxton, it all goes back to the concept that everything I want is inane, insane, idiotic, or impossible. It’s better to stay quiet. But where did that get you? My indifference, trying to keep all that I am in check. I was scared to even text your grandma this afternoon. Somehow, I did it, Braxton.

But what about the rest of the world? It can’t be all about mourning you. Did I say that out loud? Okay, enough about you, Braxton. I really am trying. B for Braxton or Breath.

Other than my conversations with you, Braxton, the man in the mirror, and my “Harem.” What am I really trying to say? Well, son, that’s the thought that drives me mad as soon as I wake up every morning. Other than, “Why am I still breathing, dammit? Life sucks!” Indeed

I have OnlyFans, but that wouldn’t be feeding either of us, Braxton. My utter madness.

And what about my novels? I might as well sleep. I keep pushing these buttons for Yabbos, alarms, and Virgil. Push V To Talk Braxton.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 084 ~Knowledge Is More Powerful Unshared~

WillLeave a comment

Monday, September 23, 2024

Meditation 084 ~Knowledge Is More Powerful Unshared~

Three-Hundredth And Sixty-Second Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Especially since I talk too much. (Pause for laughter). Talking to who? Braxton’s Aunt, Cherry, M Anime…

What about B? Can’t I give him the month off with Emergence Day? Why not let him rest in peace? I look at B’s Euthanasia the same way Negan brained Baxter in The Walking Dead Episode 10×22 Here’s Negan. You best hope I never stop talking because when I do… When I do, something very terrible is gonna happen to you. Uh, B III’s gone.

This may sound like a confession to Inspector Echo. But do you remember when I was afraid to say Braxton’s name? Somebody hacked me once, and a friend caught on because they didn’t know my son’s name. So, I kept Braxton’s name secret. B III was my little Dæmon. And didn’t I say I wouldn’t do this, my dear Madam?

Excuse me, today is Friday, September 20, 2024. And what do I know more about than my B? I should invoke his name more often because it keeps me from thinking about my big black… uh, having blue balls. It’s been a HARD day, Madam. And telling people that. Ha!

M Anime would ignore me. Cherry would go silent. And Braxton’s Aunt… Not the time.

I don’t know anything about women, but as Sir Mix-A-Lot put it: “When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist. And a round thing in your face. You get sprung.” Uh, not only…

Cherry, Piper Niven, Estella Bathory, Harmony Reigns, Mariah Mallard. BBW’s…

Actresses, “The hottest girls in the nastiest situations…” I research. Study. And I read lots.

And that’s knowledge I should keep for me. But I’m a writer. I strive to be an open book. If I ever published one. But as I told Lady Sophia today. My book, “Sofía’s Nightmare…”

I don’t have qualms about showing off my body. But my big head and the face to go with it. “No face as hideous as my face.” Should I mention I know plenty about Disney? And none of my kids walk on two legs. What can I say? I’m also a Star Wars fan. Madam, I know bad people in certain countries, but I know about Trump and Vance here.

There are my political affiliations. The pervy things I do and all my spent pennies.

Knowledge Is More Powerful Unshared

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1331 Days Without B III, Day 772 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 083 ~Exhibit V, Defendant Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

Smooth Criminal… well, I’m not Mark Robinson or any Republican. I do happen to know a few Russians and Chinese people. And I’ve learned a bit about Crypto. Still, I know my worst two crimes. And I can dream up more. Exhibit V, Defendant Braxton.

Sunday, September 22, 2024

Meditation 083 ~Exhibit V, Defendant Braxton~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And you are not a caveman, cuck, or Smooth Criminal. But you dream you’re a Smooth Operator.

Please! It’s too early for music and too late to still be dreaming. And you or I had a doozy last night. It depends on when you or I entered REM sleep. Stop referencing music!

Seriously! You know that means “Rapid Eye Movement,” but that’s not the point. Did you forget you’re having trouble communicating this week? Emergence month sucks!

Anyway, I’m sure you’ll be crying over Braxton again soon. Or cleaning up Virgil’s mess.

But for now, remember the words of your “favorite” song… “All About You” I swear that song isn’t going anywhere. And some of it is in Portuguese. You don’t speak Spanish, either. “Mija?” M Anime would have a field day. Or Japanese. That brings us to today. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 7, Eric Vall (But One Book Ahead)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I’m sure you’ll enjoy failing yours as I have failed mine. The reading list changes… However, let’s talk about what dream had you saying, “You Shook Me All Night Long.”

(Rolls Eyes). You were hungry and decided you wanted pancakes. You went into the freezer and pulled out those frozen pancakes, but then you found that it was your father’s tablet with a picture of pancakes on it. There were two screens, and you broke one off. And cut the tablet like any type of food. Then, it was a picture of your father and your sister in broken chunks, and you ate the tablet. Uh, weird. But the only pain you felt was guilt.

You’ll need to think. Another excuse? Failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Camgirl Harem: Willow and Harper
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

The guilt (sigh) is sticking with you right now. The idea and conceptualization of the composition “Is It A Crime” by Sade. I swear you’re filling your ears with everything.

Anyway, you’re thinking, what have you done lately that’s not criminal but feels that way? For starters, sitting in bed just wasting your existence. You’ve had forty Emergence Days thus far. What have you done with them? To have a million dollars in a year… Do you remember that motivation? And speaking of motivation, what about all the “bad” men you want to be? I remember a day or so ago, I found a few videos from that group, GDP.

Braxton’s young life, Yabbos, and yelling about money. Bad Guy, Duh. Exhibit V, Defendant Braxton.

1330 Days Without B III, Day 771 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 080 ~Braxton, Virgil, It’s Time~

WillLeave a comment

What time is it? And would it matter where I am now? Oh, what? Am I going to blame it on the rain? Even Virgil is done as he lies here sleeping. And me? I’m older after Emergence Day. But B III was here for 15 years. “Braxton, Virgil, It’s Time”

Thursday, September 19, 2024

Meditation 080 ~Braxton, Virgil, It’s Time~

1327 Days Without B III, Day 768 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? How about me? Me, Myself, And I. We’d talk after I was sad, mad, bad…

Ironic, isn’t it? It was when I felt nothing and became indifferent until your time came. Mourning? Morning? What day is it? Right now. It’s Friday, September 13, 2024, and it’s raining cats and dogs…

Braxton, it’s that time again when fear creeps in. It’s a feeling that never changes. Only the circumstances do. And today, as my ‘favorite’ song goes… ‘Today is all about you.’ Well, me, but you understand. If we had a song, Little B, it would be ‘Run Boy Run by Woodkid. Because that’s what it always felt like. You and me against the world, but we hadn’t the strength, but someday. Always, it was someday. Look at the time, Braxton.

No, I need to look. This is my time, month, and the meaning of Emergence Day… I swear B III… Your Dad came into the world a waste of time. A C-Section. Testament of laziness.

On my part, of course. I love your grandma. And I’m sure she believes it’s about time I grow up. “When will you grow?” I’m sure your stepmom is somewhere asking that while she waits for me. I’m forty, Braxton. Can you believe that? And yet I asked the question…

“When will you grow?” Because you were always a puppy to me until one day, inevitably, you weren’t anymore. Time Enough At Last… When I’d have wealth, women, war dog.

Braxton, I would be happy. Time to die or happiness?

What time is it now? Now, “I fill my lungs with fear, and I Exhale!” Don’t I wish, B III.

You know I have yet to make an “Emergence Day” wish. But then again, I haven’t had a slice of cake yet. But by the time you get this, Braxton, who knows? Wishing for time!

Braxton, I always find myself wishing for your return. What have I been hoping for, really? Stuff & Thangs, but…

Braxton, it’s more time or money…. Time is money. And what have I been spending time on? Worrying about the fence. Ogling women who are nowhere near your stepmom… Eww! Dreaming of ways to make money since I’m always sleeping. But when I wake up… Git Up, Get Out, right? Maybe tomorrow we gon’ be alright. Braxton, Virgil, It’s Time.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 077 ~Silence Is Scarier Than Screams~

WillLeave a comment

Silence can be monstrous. I made it so. “Yes, I can be very cruel. I have been taught by masters.” As in people’s words. The silence left by my son. The act of blowing out candles. Candles? And after being pervy. Silence Is Scarier Than Screams.

Monday, September 16, 2024

Meditation 077 ~Silence Is Scarier Than Screams~

Three-Hundredth And Sixty-First Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Like me, not talking about my son this month with Emergence Day. It has come and gone.

I’m forty. And still, nothing is worse than the silence that came with my son’s last breath in this world. But the silence shattered when I first cried out in this universe. A victory? I suppose I could talk about Virgil, but there are two things. One, Virgil is usually silent anyway. Other than when I leave or the noises he makes showing I’m not being a good “Dad.” Virgil’s nails click on the floor. His belly when I need to get food. His sicknesses.

Two, as I’ve been singing repeatedly this month, “Today is all about you.” This song.

Madam, next to “All About You.” Today, I’m listening to Faith’s Outpost Ambiance… (Cult Music). “It’s a Five O’clock World.”

I don’t want to talk about my Day Job either, Madam. There is silence since they banned earphones/air pods. What I think about when I’m in that place. My STUPIDITY

There’s the silence when I wake up every morning and find out I’m not in Heaven or Hell. Can I call where I’m sitting right now purgatory? Three years without… well, you know who. No! He deserves better. Braxton, Braxton, BRAXTON! My sweet buttery Madam.

There’s the silence that comes with each Emergence Day. But that is my doing. People…

I could get all political today with everyone screaming, what dog, what cat, war, and women? And yet, the worries of my existence trump all that. See what I did there? Some should be silent.

But much like I said, I can’t get through a conversation without mentioning my B. How about me coming back to the house without a burger and fries? Didn’t I say I was broke? Um, I have two days to choose. I got breakfast and dinner. Bacon? Speaking of meat… women. Am I as bad as those other guys? I say things about women, but at least I leave those to the confines of “adult relations media.” That’s a polite way of saying adult films…

I swear the silence that comes after all my muscle contractions and moaning over mammaries. A moment of bliss that calls to me within the silence. Whatever could fill it?

Yet I choose the silence. Because hearing some Beautiful Freak… Silence Is Scarier Than Screams

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1324 Days Without B III, Day 765 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 076 ~40 Love Braxton, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I can’t t tell you much about tennis. The Williams Sisters, Naomi Osaka, Zendaya, and a girl I saw in an anime once. So, “40 Love” is beyond me. And 69, too, for now… Who would have thought I’d miss 39. Hell! I miss 0. “40 Love Braxton, Virgil.”

Sunday, September 15, 2024

Meditation 076 ~40 Love Braxton, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And I don’t understand you. I don’t understand tennis either. What about cannibalism, cults, and cute girls?

We’ve read, seen, written, and played through so many experiences, but there’s still so much about yourself you don’t know. What about knowing Will, huh?

And what about Braxton and Virgil? Would you rather hear me grieve about B III? There’s also the fact that I can go on and on about how Virgil ain’t Braxton. But last week’s theme was STAY ALIVE, like something from The Hunger Games. Speaking of which, you need to go to the store in the worst way. Man was not meant to live on Emergence Day cake alone. That’s where we are now. A week after Emergence Day. So how does 40 feel, hmm?

Shame, shame, shame! And I don’t mean the fact that you broke ‘The Streak,’ Your first… spill, after turning 40. You know, the one we joked about never happening, ha-ha. Continue failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Freshman Experience Harem University
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 005, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

But at least you can say, “Today is All About You.” I swear that song will be stuck in your head as it was in mine. It’s also the theme for this week… ALL ABOUT YOU. How about the rest of the month, year, and your entire existence? And why are you looking up The Ghost of Christmas Present? It could be much worse. I’ve been into Latina girls recently.

Daisy Dabs, the adult film star. (Drools). I remember when some guy was breaking beneath her touch. “It’s too good.” Well, this morning, it was incarnations of Cherry that had you breaking and sharing that fellow’s sentiment. She was just too good. I swear the week has only begun, friend.

I know it’s tough, but you won’t be so weak someday. But, Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Satan’s Sorority Girls 7, Eric Vall (But One Book Ahead)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Again, it’s been 40 years. Where was Braxton when he was 40… in dog years? You and he were still with the Olds. I’m surprised they haven’t made this more of a big deal. But you, Will, you’re unique. And that’s what makes you “special.”

This morning, after you were done “cleaning up,” you were watching “fitdadceo” on Instagram. Didn’t he just turn 40 as well? He has a beautiful wife, six kids, and a lot of money… Throw in a fur buddy, and he will have everything you want. Hey, Jealousy, am I right? But here you are, sitting in bed, talking to yourself in the Black Mirror. What’s next? If Virgil wasn’t here…

Some tennis player from a G-Collections game. Flesh, Slavery, and Girls. What’s changed at 40? What needs to change? How? What? 40 Love Braxton, Virgil

1323 Days Without B III, Day 764 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 073 ~AB Honor Roll Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Thursday, September 12, 2024

Meditation 073 ~AB Honor Roll Virgil~

1320 Days Without B III, Day 761 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I am my father’s son. Though he would ask, “How Was Your Day?” Those days…

I shouldn’t have made it past those days, Braxton. I shouldn’t have made it past my 40th Emergence Day. And yet here we are. I know you don’t like me speaking like this, B III.

Should I go back to crying over you? Or what about thinking about your Aunt? How is Gabe doing, by the way? Is he wherever you are? For now, Braxton, that’s at the foot of the bed this Tuesday afternoon. It’s Tuesday, September 10, 2024, to be precise. So working… Braxton that has become “the great fear” since Emergence Day has come and gone. Sigh.

The manager asked me about Emergence Day. At least last year, there were cupcakes, B.

I hate Emergence Day, as always, but I like eating.

And while we’re on the subject of eating… “the great fear?” That’s a reference to The Road. I was the man, and you were my little boy. You were never starving… Okay, you might have had dirty water, but that was during that period I was intentionally starving myself. That’s not a fun way to die. I should stop now before I end up crying over you again. B III. There must be a simpler way of saying that money’s tight around here. My mouth

“All I know is the child is my warrant, and if he is not the word of God, then God never spoke.” ― The Road

Cannibalism? Yes, I’m still thinking about that book Meat by Joseph D’Lacey. It was a more visceral Tender Is The Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica. I’m not that hungry, B III.

Seriously, with what I’m reading now… Meat going in mouths…

Eww! That’s gross. Talking to you about such things… And I remember you, Braxton sitting on the floor as I tried to explain why you shouldn’t “have the stones” to “hump” your toys when your Aunt was around. Or to get all up in her yabbos. Your father’s son, indeed. We were both horn dogs. But we needed to be better. Braxton, you were better.

But here I am at forty… Well, you were around eighty, right? Anyway. I’m forty and trying to figure out what or how I will eat. I’m tearing myself apart bite by bite, I know.

School days were the worst, and that was before all the “problems.” And at the Day Job? To have better grades… AB Honor Roll Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 070 ~Kisses Show A Working Tongue~

WillLeave a comment

It’s in his kiss. No! But B would love up his aunt. And V… I’ve cleaned up what has come out of his mouth many times. And as for me. I don’t remember what I said to that first girl. I can’t even order chicken at forty. “Kisses Show A Working Tongue.”

Monday, September 9, 2024

Meditation 070 ~Kisses Show A Working Tongue~

Three-Hundredth And Sixtieth Rule

Madam Justice,
Rules are made to be broken… Like me breathing after Emergence Day. Hell! I shouldn’t be after Braxton. Or Emergence Day Numero Cero.

I would rather kiss my furry son’s head one more time than draw my first breath. One necessitated the other, Madam. But at least I would have something to do with my mouth other than bawl about my boy, blame myself for everything, or BE STUPID. Madam, next to being Braxton’s end and my birth, I can’t stand being STUPID. It never ends, I’m afraid.

Even at forty? Well, I’m not quite there yet. I’m speaking to you on Tuesday, September 3, 2024. So, Emergence Day has yet to happen. Like I said, by the time you read this, I might not be breathing. I’d blame my Olds. But this is my existence. My existence…

Madam, I never asked for this life. I’d trade it all for a simple kiss.

Is that an Emergence Day wish? Last Monday night, I made a wish to avoid humiliation. I texted that because speaking… Anything that isn’t about my Braxton’s life… passing.

Anything that’s about something other than broads. Or anything that doesn’t involve me sounding STUPID. It’s not my strong suit. To open my mouth has never been a good thing, Madam.

How hard is it to say, “Yes, I would like the eight-piece fried chicken and a three-piece chicken fingers snack, please?” My mouth has much better uses, Madam. But saying Happy B-Word Day/Emergence Day… is not among them, Madam. Nope!

But again, a kiss… Do you want to know a secret, Madam? My first kiss? I got that. But I didn’t get a kiss during my “first time.” Well, uh…

I’m not The 40-Year-Old-Virgin, thankfully. I swear, sometimes I wonder who knows more about me. My lost boy or the Internet. The movie popped up, so I could watch that for Emergence Day and be thankful for the second-greatest miracle during my existence. A woman…

Madam, I was/am a father, and a girl made the mistake of thinking I was a man of worth for a night. And a few other girls here or there over forty years. But almost none when I had to look after Braxton. When was the last time I had a kiss, a kind hug that got kinda dirty… Back when I was a Smooth Operator. I feel stupid-er at forty. I’ll shut up because Kisses Show A Working Tongue.

A Man Chooses, A Slave Obeys” ― Andrew Ryan, Bioshock

1317 Days Without B III, Day 758 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 069 ~Braxton And Virgil, “NEW”~

WillLeave a comment

E-Day has come and gone. Now, that wasn’t so scary, was it? I got an extra steak and lobster, the sheets are still clean, and the world didn’t end. There’s always hope. My boys don’t need it. They know I’ll survive. 39… 40. Braxton And Virgil, “NEW.”

Sunday, September 8, 2024

Meditation 069 ~Braxton And Virgil, “NEW”~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… So, you are still alive? Obviously. A little green around the gills. Less green in your wallet…

Oh, that’s right. Yesterday was Emergence Day. And as the song goes, “I’m Still Here.”

Well, you are. The only thing we have in common is that we’re both without Braxton. Are you going to start that again, grieving and mourning for your son? Sooner or later? But for now, shall we recap E-Day? Yes, I know you’re sleepy and feeling sick. But less scared…

I woke up around 7:00 AM after a dreamless sleep. Indifference? Again, let’s focus on me and not what led to Braxton’s passing. “Today is all about you.” Well, yesterday. So I wake up and start with what I have to do… A conversation with Lady Lu, Virgil’s outside time, a typical day. And then bam! What? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Meat, Joseph D’Lacey (Something Else?)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 005 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Failure is nothing new. You’re looking at forty years of it. But I was thinking more of keeping this blog up and running. $100.00! Funny, the company never mentioned that.

So much for that fancy breakfast and lunch I wanted to buy. But I still had food. Barely any syrup, but okay. Then came the Olds. The great fear. My Old Man texted Happy… whatever. Ma called. But that wasn’t too bad. My sister said nothing. It’s her birthday today. Remember to text her and PRAY she says nothing about Emergence Day. Good Luck… Once again, you’re still alive. Only is that a blessing or a curse… Still, asking that?

Braxton knew. Virgil knows. Hell, Braxton knows you won’t forget him or Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Freshman Experience Harem University
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 005, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

As you can see, you finished another story, MEAT. Nearly the rest of the day was dedicated to meat in one way or another. First, there was all the cash I lost while trying to be a writer. So what did I do? Write about “my meat,” but no one’s paying $100 to see this:

https://onlyfans.com/1260583535/willyswants

Then there was Red Lobster by way of DoorDash… Seriously, how does a place selling lobster forget about it? But I got two steaks and lobster eventually. You’re not starving.

And then it was back to my “man meat.” You call yourself a man? Maybe once with a beautiful woman.

Or when I was, Dad.

JSS, I survived Emergence Day again. Your boys knew. They know. Braxton And Virgil, “NEW”

1316 Days Without B III, Day 757 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will