Tag: Questions

Tale 220 ~Braxton and Virgil Financial~

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Sons, sustenance, and sex… I also buy a lot of books, kindle, and audio because people suck. I need to buy speakers. My playlists are “Fire…” No! But I’m burning money like I did B three years ago on the 4th. Not cool! “Braxton and Virgil Financial.”

Tuesday, February 6, 2024

Tale 220 ~Braxton and Virgil Financial~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… And seeing as how we make more money than Jesus. And ain’t that pretty blasphemous?

We should go and see The Book of Clarence again. Or if we stay in, we could watch Brewster’s Millions. In God We Trust, right? And yes, I tend to spend money like it’s going out of style. And I haven’t talked to “God” since Braxton passed. Even mercy cost

Today, which would be… Friday, February 2, 2024. I was going over the books, darling. Yes, I talked to Sophia about my ever-growing Study. I have to finish “Exodus” for my weekly read. And no, not the Bible book, but the one written by Imogen Linn. And then there’s still Red Rising, which is good but long.. Or I’m lazy. Braxton? Let’s say mourning. And I bought Satan’s Sorority Girls 2 the audiobook. The money I’ve given Eric Vall… sigh.

Three years ago today… Gospel 220 ~ Will’s Sound Of Silence~. All I could hear was the sound of my sobbing. And there has been plenty of that today. But most of this afternoon has been the sound of me trying to empty our accounts. More books, more books! There has been the tick-tock of the clock as I waste so much time. And what about Virgil. He’s the one that reminded me where some of our cash should go. How To Be A Man

Not a father because he is not my son… That’s a cruel thing to say. Isn’t it? When in Rome.

I mean, I took him in. I’m not sending him back. But the expense, love…

I’ve defined love before. But what about the term priceless? That’s what Braxton was, is.

And this time last year, Saga 220 ~ Don’t Worry Your Life Away~. There’s always money.

But for Braxton, I would have spent everything and more. Even if I didn’t have it, I would have found a way. Whether rhyme or crime, right? But what about all I have right now? I want to believe that a man is more than money. I mean, with us, that’s always been the case. You’re no “Gold Digger.” Well, unless we’re talking Red Rising again. I “love” books. I don’t burn them. But I love Braxton. And on Thursday, February 4, 2021, I See Fire. Love and money burn. Braxton and Virgil Financial.

1101 Days Without B III, Day 542 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 219 ~Ideas Wait For Busy Hands~

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What have I done in the last 1100 days since my B III died? He would be/is approaching his 19th birthday. I swear he was going to be half my age. And with my two hands, I would have been the one saving us. But instead, Ideas Wait For Busy Hands.

Monday, February 5, 2024

Tale 219 ~Ideas Wait For Busy Hands~

Three-Hundredth And Twenty-Ninth Rule

Madam Justice
Rules Are Made To Be Broken… And I wouldn’t precisely call prayer as looking busy. Yesterday, I should’ve… Even if it did nothing.

I do mean Thursday, February 4, 2021. And where were these busy hands then, Madam?

Gospel 218 ~Eyes Have It Will~. “Now, with these hands,” I was committing yet another crime. First B III, then me, and then “Dirty Diana.” Without a second thought.

Only I’ll admit I should have been begging for Braxton’s forgiveness all the more, as it was by my hand that B met his end. And I should have been there. “I See Fire” B III.

I saw him die, though. Did I need to see him burn as well? I’ll pay for my crimes; I do not doubt that. And in knowing I’m destined for Hell, I would choose the fire. But with my Treachery… Ice will suffice, I know.

But the rub is this, Madam. Though I have ended my boy, Braxton, myself, and Diana with the stroke of a pen and the push of a button. At the end of the day, I am still here with V.

Any ideas? You know where my hands have been. Oh! What will I tell the man in the mirror this week? Do I mean myself? Today is Thursday, February 1, 2024. And I’m here, huh! So today didn’t go exactly to plan because I shouldn’t be doing anything. Cry, Die?

Don’t I wish? I could say I have a few good ideas, but it wasn’t inspiration, the insanity of losing my son. Or even the indifference that led to his death. Madam, it is fear.

Ask me why these hands do anything, and it’s like Dead Air’s “I Don’t Wanna Die.” That’s from Theresa Walker, to be precise. This is ironic. Because all I want to do is see my son again. And you can ask THEM at the Day Job why I do what I do. Let me fall off a ladder or break my neck doing something. One more reason that we’re talking today. I still hate the place. And if it was between the Day Job and Hell… I’d rent out the Day Job and live in Hell. But my boy won’t be there. So I’ve been asking B III. How do I “See You Again”
hmm?

With Daddy’s two hands doing… Ideas Wait For Busy Hands.

1100 Days Without B III, Day 541 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 213 ~To B Okay, Virgil~

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The last time I felt okay… It depends on how you define the word okay. For most of these 39 years, it’s always been a response to an order. But then Braxton wished he’d be okay, so I would be too. I hope he is because I’m not. To B Okay, Virgil.

Tuesday, January 30, 2024

Tale 213 ~To B Okay, Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… I want us to be okay, to be good. We gonna be “Alright.” Like Virgil?

Because without Braxton… I hear these words echo in my head… “Death is your gift.” It’s what I woke up to as I dragged my corpse out of bed. Then, I shut off the alarm and went back into the darkness. The longer I stay asleep, the longer I don’t bother the world. And since you are my world… It’s an effing excuse, for sure. But it’s also a favor.

Except when it comes to my Braxton. Yesterday or any day ending in Y. I was thinking about how best to honor him. Well, other than keeping my promise and failing to achieve it again.

I will “BE VALIANT” Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am. I want to be the person my dog thinks I am. I’M NOT!

So what comes next? If I had been BETTER before Gospel 213 ~Will “B” Seeing You~. It wouldn’t be necessary. I would be thinking about what to get him for his 19th birthday. Instead, all I could do was keep him with me three years ago. And then, well… love

TRADITION! As in me complaining about putting a man in the dirt. My granddad, to be precise. Saga 213 ~Hard Enough, Hearts Have Cages~. And I said I’d rather be working. It was working my Day Job and the rage I felt there that would kill my son B III.

My indifference with him to hide my fury. My indifference when it comes to you, hiding my grief. Good Luck.

No, I can’t hide my sadness. Not this week. Hell! I’ve cried three times, and it isn’t even 10:00 AM. And tomorrow, I’m going to be anything but okay. And going on three years now…

So, as much as I want to fix things and ask you to stay, it’s as confusing as my first love with my son. Sigh.

I asked him to stay. But I wanted him to go if it were better for him. And if it hadn’t made the decision… Is it any wonder I want the ones I love in collars, leashes, and chains? Pretty wifey and dogs? Not funny. I’m going to cry again.

But even with buying three black dog toys and movies? I’m pretty effing’ far from okay. To B Okay, Virgil

1094 Days Without B III, Day 535 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 212 ~Remember, Do Good, Die Great~

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The last good thing that I’ve done. Define good? Being a father is good. I was/am Braxton’s father. A lot of good That did him. I fed Virgil and washed Braxton’s rug. That’s what I’m supposed to do. Braxton was/is good. “Remember, Do Good, Die Great”

Monday, January 29, 2024

Tale 212 ~Remember, Do Good, Die Great~

Three-Hundredth And Twenty-Eighth Rule

Madam Justice
Rules Are Made To Be Broken… But this one… In the spirit of transparency, I heard this rule from a kid long ago.

And not my kid. My little boy. My Braxton. He lived up to this rule and then some. B III.

Say his name! Braxton Barks Bradford. Yes, Dear Madam, I am here. Now or will be quite shortly. Today is Saturday, January 27, 2024. For you, it’s Monday, January 29, 2024. But for me, it’s Friday, January 29, 2021. I may have stolen today’s rule. But I wrote a lie.

Gospel 212 On The “Will” Succubus, “My Dæmon is suffering from Renal Failure.” B III.

What I should have said is this: “My son Braxton is dying of kidney failure.” And on that Friday, I sat on my hide, much like I’m doing today, and I did nothing! Do Good?

No, Madam, I MESSED Up!

Braxton did good! Braxton died great! That little boy of mine fought to his very last breath, and why? He wanted every single second. But why? For me? His old man. B did good because I promised him. One day, I would be great! And if I did that very thing, my Braxton. I look at the yard that he once protected. The gate is falling apart. Like him?

I didn’t want to notice. I didn’t want to try and be good or plan on dying great. Not me! Bullets, Boobies, and Boys. His last year alive, I was excited. Me and Braxton’s apocalypse.

He saw me through 2020 and then the start of the new year… Death. He did good one last time. ALIVE!

And how do I repay him? While I’m all Dawn of the Dead, let me tell you something, Madam Justice.

“I realize there are some things worse than death, and one of them is sitting here waiting to die.” Kenneth

And that explains the dreams I’ve been having lately. I’ve dreamt about how Joe wanted to burn Mallard down (The Mill). Jules says, “I’m tryin’ real hard to be the shepherd” (Pulp Fiction). And how Bing, at the very least, tried to tell the truth (Fifteen Million Merits.) Even from the grave… a box on the nightstand, my little boy, my soul, Braxton does good.

I told his Aunt that. And I’ve figured it out. I read books and watch shows. I sing “I Have A Dream.” I feed Virgil, calling myself a friend. What does Braxton want? Live Daddy! Remember, Do Good, Die Great

1093 Days Without B III, Day 534 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 206 ~Virgil’s Gifts, B Present~

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I might have to lay off that hot sauce I decided to try. Or maybe Jack’s sold me a drugged-up cookie with their effed-up chicken tenders. I suppose it’s that time of the month, though. Eight days till Braxton passed. “Virgil’s Gifts, B Present.”

Tuesday, January 23, 2024

Tale 206 ~Virgil’s Gifts, B Present~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… But now is not the time for (cue SNL joke.) Or “A Wrinkle In Time.”

My mind can be a silly, scary, or sexy place. But last night, there was nothing but a series of nightmares. I can’t even remember anything but the premise. I need your help, please, Daddy.” Braxton didn’t make an appearance. And I felt so weak, calling out for my father. I’m glad we have billions, so I no longer have to call him. What kind of man would I be at 39, calling for him because I can’t provide or handle my business? My love.

Sigh. “A Wrinkle In Time…”

Where did that come from, right? I’ve never read the book or watched the film. But with everything else in my existence, I believe it’s Braxton sending me a sign. Beyond the grave… Comfortingly… Creepy

Anyway, seeing as how we are heading into his last week three years ago… Gospel 206 ~Willing The Days Away~. Never a more fitting title for the story of my life. But aren’t we talking about “A Wrinkle In Time?” With all the holidays and presents I’ve missed back in 2023. And now? Oh, now I want gifts! Well, I’m not getting Braxton back, love. What about last year? Saga 206 ~I Don’t Know Isn’t Stupidity~. I gave some words to Cherry. It was an effort to see her Yabbos. I can’t even think of her big pillows or yours. Ha! But again, I’m getting off the subject; the movie B was sent to me after yesterday’s nightmares. There were 3 gifts in that movie, right? Comedy comes in threes.

It’s the magic number since Braxton is still alive… somewhere. He’ll always be my B III, but staying 15? This year, he would be 19. But okay, the gifts for what will be B’s memorial.

  1. The gift of my faults. I continue to blame myself for B’s death. Uh, yeah, I killed B, sigh. But what about Virgil? Have I learned anything that will save him? I don’t know.
  2. The gift of my command or Braxton’s. Either I feel stupid or crazy. Both? I was talking to Braxton’s Aunt the other day, and she got into some good “stuff.” So, listening to B. What does he want me to do? I don’t know
  3. The gift to see… maybe. Virgil’s Gifts, B Present.

1087 Days Without B III, Day 528 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 205 ~Don’t Await Crowns, Take Them~

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My head is too big for a crown. Hell! The last thing I had on my head, besides a hood, pillow, or blanket, was a Christmas hat. B’s looking down on me from wherever. Or up as I’m going to Hell. For his death or waiting. Don’t Await Crowns, Take Them

Monday, January 22, 2024

Tale 205 ~Don’t Await Crowns, Take Them~

Three-Hundredth And Twenty-Seventh Rule

Madam Justice
Rules Are Made To Be Broken… Even death? Are we talking about Satan’s Sorority Girls? What about a zombie apocalypse? A halo, horns…

You’ll have to excuse me for bringing up Satan’s Sorority Girls yet again. First of all, I’m time-traveling. Today is Friday, January 19, 2024. So, I was talking to Lady Sophia this morning. And every day, we move closer to the day Braxton got his halo and wings. I hope he went for the horns if he ever intends to see me again. I’m going to Hell, Madam. Gospel 205 ~ Will’s The Breast Starer~. Talk about something in my head or face (Sigh). No. I’m going to Hell because of what I did to my son. Now, where did I put my executioner’s hood? I am a man of many hats and masks. And I wish for some crown. Inevitably, why’d I want it?

I wanted a crown to have a queen or a princess by my side one day. I thought. Madam, I wanted a crown. So I could raise the little prince that was/is my Braxton. I wanted to “Take The World” for him. I saw this video the other day about what a mother would do for her child. A “Dog Mom” said she would watch the world burn for her fur baby. As a Dad… once upon a time. I haven’t been for three years. It’s coming up soon. Anyway, the things I could’ve, would’ve, and should’ve done for my son, but for a crown. My Braxton was/is good, and so he deserved his. Braxton earned his. My little boy. Me, on the other hand…

Hell! I have another rule that addresses this, Madam: Rule#13, Power Is All That Matters.

And me being underneath my hood or hiding under the blankets isn’t wearing a crown. Putting a jimmy hat on the other head… Uh, like, have I needed one of those since 2015? My confession.

My head isn’t getting any bigger with all the “knowledge” I’m gaining with these books.

And while I live in a “castle,” it’s paid for by my Olds. Does it look like I have any crowns to pay for anything? If the world isn’t comprised of empty-headed zombies. It’s people who make themselves kings and queens over me. Or I give them such power. And Braxton’s looking down ashamed. No halo, horns, but hoodies galore. Don’t Await Crowns, Take Them.

1086 Days Without B III, Day 527 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 199 ~Boy Meets B… V~

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Boy Meets World. “God Knows” I didn’t see the end of Girl Meets World. And at this rate. The Last of Us Season 2, GTA VI, or seeing one of my books out. Every day seems like a mistake, like losing or finding my boys. My dreams? “Boy Meets B… V.”

Tuesday, January 16, 2024

Tale 199 ~Boy Meets B… V~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… And you love me. A MISTAKE? The way I MOURN, MOUNT you, and being ME.

I didn’t dream about my son for once. But don’t worry. I’ll find a way to infuse him with this. I always do. It’s like my negativity when trying to be positive. But Braxton is love. Anyway, last night I had a dream about Boy Meets World. And yes, I watched a bit of it on Instagram. This wasn’t a “divine” intervention like Fifteen Million Merits. B III sent that, I know. I’m not letting that go. I mean, it’s years old, and oh yeah…

I’m getting off the subject again. So I dreamed of Boy Meets World and was at the Day Job. Shawn and Topanga’s wedding was getting ready to start, and I was hopelessly lost. The store grew bigger with every second.

But wait a minute… Shawn and Topanga? She married Cory. And that should have been my first clue; it was a dream. Also, the Dad from Smart Guy found me. And I still didn’t dance. I didn’t dance at B’s Aunt’s wedding either, for good reason. But not right now. So, the million-dollar question is this. What did it mean? I’m already running late today. Doing any research. It’s whatever I can pull out my… Anyway, everybody plays the fool.

We all make mistakes when it comes to something we love. So I believe. Inevitable. Pornography? Years upon years ago… When my Olds got a new computer, I wasn’t permitted to touch it. Ever! To me, it was a paperweight. Until one fine day, sigh.

As Todd from Succubus Lord would say. It’s like a child finding all the parental controls have been switched off. On that note, we’re watching our children’s screen time, correct? With what I do for a living? I don’t want them getting into that sort of stuff, legal or not, looking up things like Teen Topanga. She’s not THE Topanga. But my, I can pretend. Speaking of pretend love, Virgil is still here. I still haven’t told him I love him. And with what is coming up soon. The day that Braxton left. Virgil is not a mistake. But I should have thought it out a lot more. And then there’s me. Did you think I’d stay this way, love? Mourning? Boy Meets B… V.

1080 Days Without B III, Day 521 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 198 ~May Races, Species Share Thought~

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To be an orator, writer, and man like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., He knew what it’s like to be hated. As long as my boys like me. Braxton is love. Virgil? Then, B’s Aunt. And some women, and well, I’m broke. May Races, Species Share Thought

Monday, January 15, 2024

Tale 198 ~May Races, Species Share Thought~

Three-Hundredth And Twenty-Sixth Rule

Madam Justice
Rules Are Made To Be Broken… At least human ones are. Hell! I learned more from my furry son than any human alive.

Well, that’s a STUPID thing to say. Look at me channeling my Old Man or this gray Friday afternoon. Tim Travel. And I’m sick too. Can’t I die already and join my little boy? Sigh.

Again, that’s something STUPID. Plus, it’s Dr. Martin Luther King Jr’s birthday. And what am I, as a black man, doing with Friday and Monday? Seeing as you’ll see this Monday. Never a good day…

Yep, I’m at the Day Job. Either working under the sexy visual lady. Don’t I wish… Stop It! Madam, I’m trying to be positive. So I might be in the backroom working alone. Hmm? Now, that’s one thing Virgil and I have in common. Sleeping and MJ’s “Leave Me Alone.” I relate to my boys.

But then there’s “my” people. I remember when I was young… Have I mentioned how much I hate thirty-nine? Stay positive! Believe me. I’m trying, Madam. So, as a child, my Ma touted my “Quietest” award. That certainly doesn’t sound that “Black” to me, ha-ha.

And while mentioning a stereotype, what about all the “interesting” people on Twitter? And no, I don’t mean the blog, WOKE, and being a good friend account. Oh no! There’s the account where I listen to what “men” say about women and “freaking” nod. There are accounts where girls… women… models call you all kinds of things. But everyone is thinking the same thing—the best way to get that green. Talk about black men and white men, women all around. Such are some desires.

As the song goes, “You and me baby ain’t nothin’ but mammals.” But is that worse than everything else that separates people? From one of my top five favorite books, I’d like to quote Andrew Davidson. “I am an equal opportunity misanthropist.” I Hate Everyone. If only I could find it in myself to hate the characters I write about and bring them to life.

Then I wouldn’t be working on MLK’s Birthday when I would instead do something else. I can never forget January 2021. It was the Day Job killing Braxton. It was more like my indifference to my son because I hate the Day Job, Madam. Passionately. I’m sure everyone feels that way about me. Be positive. How do I know? People are good. My Braxton was/is. May Races, Species Share Thought

1079 Days Without B III, Day 520 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 192 ~Choice Language B, V~

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How do you tell someone you love them? One day, “God Willing,” I’ll be sitting on a bench, holding Virgil when he is ancient, telling him I love him. I can’t tell myself that, but I always tell Braxton. And having a family? Choice Language B, V.

Tuesday, January 9, 2024

Tale 192 ~Choice Language B, V~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right… How many times have I said those three little words? I love you, baby girl.

How about three more? Happy New Year! I’m sure I said that on the 1st, but when we chatted on the second. And since I’m traveling from the 5th, You should know? What? That my little boy Braxton is still gone? Virgil’s still scared? And no, that’s not me “trying” to be depressing. But that is what I want to talk to you about today. There’s a term for it… People call them “Love Languages.” I’d stick with “The Look of Love,” but my eyes. Yesterday, well, last Friday anyway, my eyes were all itchy. And the one time that song “Tonight I Wanna Cry” could have helped. I was in our bed suffering. Depressing. Trying to talk to you hasn’t been great. 1073 days.

I’m still counting. So, how many love languages are there. There are five that I’ve seen. And in “my” personal existence and business dealings, I’m particularly good at two. I adore physical touch. Hell! It’s the only thing that wipes my mind of everything, my love. It breaks me down to raw emotion. And not the worst ones, as usual. Him and I, ha. There I go, putting words in your mouth. That’s something else I talked about today. Yesterday? Friday? Time travel can be a trip sometimes. And I’m rushing today, my love. That leads me to receiving gifts at best. And taking care of you and our family at the bare minimum. I have mixed feelings about that.

But throwing money at family shouldn’t be all there is. The family needs more. Your everything. They deserve it. And “that’s why I’m starting with me.” At least for today. Hell! I sound like Donald Trump… Eww! Or should I continue as Michael Jackson sings. “I’ve been a victim of a selfish kind of love.” Most days, I blame my boys, Braxton and Virgil, for my lack of communication. With well… existence, life, whatever. Grieving? My love, I need to find another way. I might never achieve being everything, okay? Tobias from Divergent wanted to try being brave, selfless, intelligent, honest, and kind. Hmm. I want words, time, touch, actions, and gifts to give. I love you, the kids, my furry boys. Myself, maybe someday huh? Choice Language B, V

1073 Days Without B III, Day 514 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 191 ~Life Attracts Death, Vice Versa~

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Don’t Fear The Reaper, indeed. At this rate, I would use him as a matchmaker. Or as the finder of lost children. Geez! Now that’s dark. But I’ve been looking for my son going on 1072 days now. The box on the nightstand? Meanwhile, what’s on TV? Life Attracts Death, Vice Versa

Monday, January 8, 2024

Tale 191 ~Life Attracts Death, Vice Versa~

Three-Hundredth And Twenty-Fifth Rule

Madam Justice
Rules Are Made To Be Broken… (Shakes his head and shoulders vigorously and mutters “positivity.” Plays Fifteen Million Merits “I Have A Dream…”

You know me, okay? I have an utter obsession, fascination, and infatuation with the dead. Let’s leave the creepy factors out of this… Positivity. Now, first, I would say zombies. Madam, that was replaced on Sunday, January 31, 2021, with the death of my firstborn. After Braxton died, I thought of finding his reincarnation. Yeah, I’m still not speaking to “God.” But I’m not talking to Braxton through Virgil, either. He’s his own furry, ha-ha.

But after that. I would say, zombies. Being amongst the living helps me in noticing the dead. They’re my kind of people. That doesn’t sound very positive but look at it this way. If I couldn’t find my son in death, I’d like to come back as a virus, Madam.

Solanum, Wildfire, Rage? Some type of zombie virus. Hell! There are all kinds of death cults running around. One big one was on January 6th. But I’m not that desperate.

“People pontificate suicide is a coward’s act. Couldn’t be further from the truth. Suicide takes tremendous courage.” ― Cloud Atlas.

What I mean by this. To put it simply, I lack such courage. Yeah, and water sure is wet, too.

Now being the pop culture whore I am, I want to bring to your attention (sigh) the things I’ve been watching. The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes, The Mill, and Fifteen Million Merits. Or namely, the characters Coriolanus, Joe, and Bingham. Here, you have three living men who do what they must for love and lose the life they believe they want for what? They die, or a part of them does.

“My old self. I killed him so I could come with you.” ― The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes.

I don’t know if I’m trying to live or die. Really. You see, I don’t particularly appreciate saying the word “live” because I only exist. Here’s some more Pop Culture for you: JSS Survive Somehow. Or Endure and Survive. My obsession with death is overwhelming and overflowing. No wonder I seek out life like the Grim Reaper or a zombie seeking out FLESH. That’s, without a doubt, one of my Twitter lives. And the other? Save the country. Then there are all the lives I write about that don’t live. They’re going unpublished. Today, I talked to Braxton’s aunt about my ghost dog and being Virgil’s friend. Father? No, Braxton’s Daddy died along with his little boy. Without a doubt. Life Attracts Death, Vice Versa

1072 Days Without B III, Day 513 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will