Tag: Worry

Meditation 349 ~Down To V, Braxton~

WillLeave a comment

“Happy Father’s Day.” Braxton never said it, but I felt it. And Virgil? As I was off to have lunch with B’s Fav Gal and her wifey, I let the word love slip. Virgil’s my son, too. But what kind of father am I in that effort. Already Down To V, Braxton

Sunday, June 15, 2025

Meditation 349 ~Down To V, Braxton~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Happy Father’s Day. But I don’t see an A+, Dad. In fact, I’m all but approaching V.

And you? And U? Your week has only just begun, and what do you have to show for it, hmm? You, me, damn, forty years of predecessors can all sing the tune “We’ve Only Just Begun.” You couldn’t even get it up to eat a cereal bar and have a cup of cappuccino this morning. Do you even have cappuccino? My bad. I was out with B’s Fav Gal yesterday.

Honestly, I built up a lunch with her and her new wifey to be as bad as watching B die.

Yes, “Anxiety,” as Doechii put it. Nothing will ever be as bad as watching Braxton’s… Euthanasia, passing, homegoing? Braxton was home. Or at least that’s something daddies do. Build? A Man Provides… Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 17, Logan Jacobs
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 024, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 031 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

And yet, I was having a hard enough time providing conversation with B’s Fav Gal.

Seriously, the lunch was good. And you have something to eat today. You’re welcome, ha!

How about, you’re welcome to put forth more of an effort. Because you’ll shut your eyes tonight and ask, “Well, how did I get here?” And that hurts more than looking at yourself and all the mean, moronic musings of who you were hours before. Same as it ever was.

Nine hours, to be exact. And don’t forget that at some point today, you have to talk to your Old Man. Will some forty-something so and so ever have to speak to you? Daddy? Braxton?

Kidney failure, fatigue, just effed up. Like Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Spring Break: A Slice of Life Contemporary Harem, Dirk Knight
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 031, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Why not add being the Daddy that Virgil deserves. Before you go off singing, you’re “The Only One For Me” to Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom. Why not tell her… Better show her SIGH “I can be the man you need me to be.” Someone you can be proud of.

Because you’re better than the orange that’s sitting in the Oval Office now. Always ‘FDT!”
The Founding Fathers. Eff the “NFFA” New Founding Fathers. Is there a Dad you respect? You feel such and such a way about yours. But you’re sitting here. Effing bum.

Being a father, to have little ones call you ‘Daddy,’ or again, the potential stepmom, M Anime, your 1984 Julia. “Once In A Lifetime,” A+ effort. Down To V, Braxton.

1596 Days Without B III, Day 1037 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 346 ~Virgil’s Everything Everywhere B~

WillLeave a comment

B was grounded in the present. The warmth of Grandma’s Hands. My sister’s purse… No. And cuddled up to his Favorite Girl’s yabbos. Then I had to explain the birds and the bees jargon to him. Uh “D*cks and Vag*nas. Yet Virgil’s Everything Everywhere B

Thursday, June 12, 2025

Meditation 346 ~Virgil’s Everything Everywhere B~

1593 Days Without B III, Day 1034 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m sorry I’m late. My mind has been “Everything, Everywhere All at Once.” Movie references?

I’m late, and at the same time, it’s too early. But at least I haven’t been crying over you, B.

Not in this universe, at least. Half the time, I’m sweating up a storm. I have to walk your little brother. I’m worried about his health. Didn’t the Doc say that he’s okay? His teeth?

That’s another reason I’m sweating, “For The Love of Money.” And no, Braxton, I haven’t been around the Day Job all that much. But that doesn’t mean Virgil’s life has been any easier. The thoughts that must be running in your brother’s head. FEAR? Uncertainty? And if I told you everything that’s scaring me these days, my son. Again, Everything, Everywhere All at Once. We wouldn’t talk about your stepmom.

You and Virgil’s potential stepmom, that is. M Anime. But I might have to start calling her Julia. Do I know any women with that name? Cowboy Bebop codename Julia.

Honestly, Braxton, I’ve been thinking about Julia from George Orwell’s novel “1984.” She is my Julia, and I’m Winston Smith. Or at least I feel that way in body and spirit. But again, I’m not crying. If anything, I’m ready to leak a whole other bodily fluid. I know… Gross!

Not something you want to hear from your old man, your best friend. Your brother.

However, Braxton, your worst FEAR could be realized. Ain’t a woman alive that could take my Braxton’s place believe that. Dear Mama, more like Dear Braxton, always and forever son.

Then, why was I late? And what do I intend to do to make it right? I can’t fail again.

Nope! Let’s not go into the moral ambiguity of your Euthanasia, or I’ll start bawling.

Though, for the record, I’m sure there is a universe where you level twenty. Seriously? Braxton, I can see you watching over your siblings while Julia and I… Well, M Anime might not like me using that name, but I’m thinking about starting a playlist of all the songs she sends me. I’ll call it “The Red Sash” again from 1984. But my Julia, geez!

Building a life with her, with Virgil. A life where “I’ll always see you soar above the sky.” Faith Hill, Braxton? Virgil’s Everything Everywhere B

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 342 ~Being A B-Student, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

It’s only a little wire… I’m no tech guy. It’s only a little streak. What? My gaming streak. The 1000+ days I’ve read. My writing. It’s only a little hard. With B and V’s stepmom, I have an Enormous P… But I’m failing. Being A B-Student, Virgil.

Sunday, June 8, 2025

Meditation 342 ~Being A B-Student, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And what would you grade yourself this morning? Are you striving for a B? Asking for F’s.

Fido, Effing, Failure. Man, you got plenty. And I know you wish you could stick to the effing. What? The friction in your hand? Not at all. You have plenty of lube. And also, Ew!

Your hands could be of use elsewhere… (Laughs hysterically). I know that’s pretty funny, friend. And speaking of friends, where’s your best one. Braxton’s in a box, a bunch of ash in a pendant, and hopefully barking up a storm in Heaven, the Rainbow Bridge.

Wherever and whatever. I don’t blame B for the Heavens ripping. I blame myself. I told Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime, that I wanted to be a veterinarian.

But I also wanted to be a virologist or an astronaut. There’s Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Long Walk By Stephen King, Written As Richard Bachman
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 017, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 024 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Not that I’m blaming them. But I know you will come this time next week. And since B’s gone, and his little brother Virgil is as strange as the poet. What about all the effing?

That’s one “F” you know far too well. Even as you ask the question like Norah Jones, Don’t Know Why,” I didn’t come. And you think, “I Touch Myself.” The Divinyls, really, bro? But Dear M is that type of woman. You can say the freaky deaky stuff. Filthy words.

And that’s what had you feeling anything but blame today. Blame for what? Yesterday, I was sitting here wanting to watch WWE Money In The Bank. What’s wrong with that?

Beats you. Worry about your O-Face? And Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Backyard Dungeon 17, Logan Jacobs
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 024, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Like fixing said O-Face? I can’t send that video to M Anime. You’re fine, attractive… Somehow, she wants you, but let’s just say Virgil isn’t the only one with a few teeth problems. Having the funds would help both of you. But you’re failing Virgil.

That’s what worries you. Hell, everything has been worrying you since Friday. Don’t look at me. Uh, that’s the whole point of being here. But again, Friday, I was sitting here all fine and dandy, and life said I needed a shot of FEAR. And after that, yesterday nature’s FURY.

Effing ISP! Effing storm! So many effing streaks lost. If you’d been a better student, you’d say I think I like this “Little Life.” That’s Braxton. Being A B-Student, Virgil

1589 Days Without B III, Day 1030 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 339 ~B’s Backyard, Virgil’s Undertaking~

WillLeave a comment

I can’t say I’m digging life as of late. But there’s V. I dig the woman who could become his and B’s stepmom. I’d never put Braxton in a hole. But a box… And deep within my heart. How much do gravediggers make? B’s Backyard, Virgil’s Undertaking

Thursday, June 5, 2025

Meditation 339 ~B’s Backyard, Virgil’s Undertaking~

1586 Days Without B III, Day 1027 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It depends on how you define good. With it being Monday, June 2, 2025. Uh…

Today ain’t looking too good. Well, other than early this morning when I saw your potential stepmom. I swear I’d be worse than The underdog MR Williams on YouTube and his kids. “COVER YOUR EYES!” There’s always another reason to miss you, Little Braxton. You see far too much from the Rainbow Bridge, Heaven, Elysium, or wherever your comfy spot is. And I’m trying to keep Virgil from joining you anytime soon. For what? Have you seen the backyard lately? As I said, today has been far from good, B.

Virgil is digging into the blankets as much as I am. And the only two-legged that might know I’m alive, besides your stepmom again, is whoever brings me dinner tonight.

Yeah, with what cash? SIGH.

Talk about digging myself into a hole. Even further into the bed. Your stepmom’s tight…

No, we don’t need to talk about that specifically. However, you were talking to me earlier today, as it’s Monday. Your stepmom and I… Seriously, I need to remember this is all speculation. Yeah, like your spirit talking to me. Seeing a spectacularly striking and sexy woman in a crystal ball. I know, Braxton, I know you don’t need to hear all that. Um eww.

From “Between The Sheets,” you and your brother will have several siblings to protect; B. Your soul and Virgil’s ability to skedaddle. If he hasn’t dug a hole to China.

Hell! Anywhere but here, right. “Memories of Things,” Rough nights with the stepmom for fun.

Okay, I’ll stop before you go and “runnoft” or ride the winds, and if you retch… Well, I wouldn’t call the Ghostbusters. At least I would know you’re really alive somewhere in the great beyond. And that you’re eating good too. Did I mention I’m ordering dinner, hoping it will make me feel better? Or is it the fact that there are no vittles in this house because I haven’t found time? It’s not much of it when you’re dead. Like I can talk, right?

Your potential stepmom is sinfully angelic, and Virgil is as white as a ghost. Honestly?

Existence isn’t a prison yard or a graveyard. Braxton isn’t your backyard. I need to stop digging graves. Look for treasure. B’s Backyard, Virgil’s Undertaking

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 335 ~Virgil, Thirst Can B…~

WillLeave a comment

We all miss a bit of common sense. If someone is thirsty, you give them a cup of water. If Virgil is thirsty, he can walk right down the hall to the water bowl. If I want to be successful, I could go downstairs and write. “Virgil, Thirst Can B…”

Sunday, June 1, 2025

Meditation 335 ~Virgil, Thirst Can B…~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… How’s the first looking. You would be better off asking Braxton, M Anime, or even Virgil. Yourself?

It’s the “1st of tha Month,” a Sunday, and Braxton is still gone. You know, that sounds familiar. It was only Monday, February 1, 2021. And I was lying where you are, as pathetically covered in fur. But instead of remnants of Braxton, you have Virgil. And why is that? Because Virgil is too scared to get up and go get a drink of water and then come back. Not that you’re mad at him, but it’s annoying. Even when Braxton was dying, I brought his water bowl to him. Braxton was a brave boy. He could barely walk, but he would go to his room, wanting to get a drink. Again, you ask why. Because he loves you. And…

I fail Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Saying Goodbye – Navigating the Loss of a Beloved Pet
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 010, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 017 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

I should be ashamed. But what about you? Hell, it’s been seven hours, and you’ve already failed number six. What are you doing? Your best MJ impression. “Why (why?), why (why?) Tell ’em that it’s Human Nature.” But don’t you thirst for more, my friend?

Dignity? I was Braxton’s Daddy. I’ll always be. You can be that and be a Dad to Virgil as well. You can stop disparaging yourself. As M Anime asked, in her own way, be the man she needs you to be. Who knows? You could beat Depression. But Acceptance. Never!

Dirty? Sure. If depraved, deviant, and disgusting, stories make money. If you can be the Ding-a-Ling that M Anime likes. If you can be a billionaire, douche. Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING The Long Walk By Stephen King, Written As Richard Bachman
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 017, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

But you have to make this… Your writing comes first. You must thirst like Braxton.

Seriously, it wasn’t thirsting only for a drink of water. It was for happiness. And Braxton knew that wasn’t possible. But to stop worrying, weeping, and wallowing as you are.

You’re still sitting in bed, making up excuses as to why you can’t go out. You’re utter OMG over and over. The reason switches from moment to moment. And if you put existence first. Not just thriving but surviving, as THEY say. Question, Whose THEY?

Answer. Like the song “My Future. It’s coming on, it’s coming on, it’s coming on.”

Honestly, that’s you. You don’t have to be “Clint Eastwood” to do it. Get Angry. Thirsty. Virgil, Thirst Can B…

1582 Days Without B III, Day 1023 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 332 ~Braxton’s So Forward, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Don’t be rude, randy, or rough B. “Treat Her Like A Lady.” I met The Temptations (baby me). Cut to God only knows talking to his potential stepmom who’s “I Like It Rough.” Where am I going with this “The Long Walk?” Braxton’s So Forward, Virgil.

Thursday, May 29, 2025

Meditation 332 ~Braxton’s So Forward, Virgil~

1579 Days Without B III, Day 1020 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? They were better when I was around, that’s for damn sure. Haven’t felt that forever.

Wanted? Sure, your little brother Virgil is getting into the habit of wanting to cuddle with me as soon as I finish a meal. Unlike you, he’s not looking for crumbs. What does he want?

The Hell if I know. But he’s not barking “NO – I WILL NOT DIE TODAY!” like from The Beach, especially with his vet appointment coming up on Friday. I am scared of that, B.

“When you are with me, I’m free. I’m careless, I believe.” I believe in God? If he, she, or it would have saved you, I would have been the fastest convert in history. But no.

Honestly, Braxton, I continue to be life’s bitch. You know what they say: “The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed.”

Ew! I know Braxton, I know. “Ain’t even much a matter what happens tomorrow, ’cause we men, ain’t we?” Glory be what is with all the movie quotes today? “Prepare to be fucked by the long dick of the law.” What, am I Superbad? I’m not lying on the couch.

Only by some miracle did I make it to the Dining Room table, and I started thinking about “The Talk.” You know the conversations I’d have with you about treating your Favorite Girl with respect when she came over to watch movies. Awkwardly good memories.

As I was telling Inspector Echo today, Wednesday, May 28, 2025. After the energy shot detox. My mind’s clearer. I haven’t sent Virgil away because, well, I have my reasons.

You and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime. Notice how I’m not telling myself to stop calling her that. That’s what’s scaring me, B. I’m sure you’d like her if she let you “jump her bones,” like you did your Favorite Girl. Very forward of her and you, but after that…

There’s a reason she’s your Favorite. But M Anime has potential… pics sans her clothing.

There’s a “Possibility,” something can happen with her. Talk about forward. Can I? Will she? We talk about sex, significant others, sins, and then I’m sending Virgil to your room.

But “Love Is a Long Road” and like the Stephen King novel I’m on “The Long Walk.” I don’t think I can win. Never stopped you. Braxton’s So Forward, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 328 ~Braxton Got High, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I want to blame little bottles of energy, a case of blue balls, or my bills, so I haven’t been eating the best. But they did waive the $189.00 charge at the dealership. The CEL was a “mistake.” Now, V’s vet bill. Because when Braxton Got High, Virgil

Sunday, May 25, 2025

Meditation 328 ~Braxton Got High, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Nice to see you again. By that, I mean you’re standing; your eyes aren’t blurry. You’re awake.

But will you ever be zero dollars, getting brisket on your piggie potato and a girl begging you to Eff high? Today, you’re trying to get over an addiction, which is my fault. I’m sorry.

5-hour ENERGY is a hell of a drug. Headaches, exhaustion you wouldn’t believe, and your legs. As ZZ Top puts it, “She got legs. She knows how to use them.” But we’ll talk about your boys’ stepmom, the Wild Fire Sisters, Dimitrescu Daughters, Marimo Sakagami, Maxine… SHUT-UP! Whoever you want to fantasize about comes later.

Yesterday… “Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away.” I’m at the dealership and get hit with a $189 look-at-it fee. Final verdict for the car… Zero dollars. Saved! But not from Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Pastor’s Purity Test: Forbidden First Time Sex by Emme Cox
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 010 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Look at that; I even got number four. But between all the worrying, how I wasted the week. There’s the exception of texting with the woman who could become your sons’ stepmom. She would be a reason to take your pants off. But you’re suffering from withdrawal, I know. You can’t be considering drinking those energy shots I bought. Eff!

But again, I saved you $189.00. A pretty girl waived the fee. Only now are you heading to the next battle? You must keep Virgil’s paws on the ground to stop him from joining Braxton.

The Rainbow Bridge is a beautiful place… But do you remember the price of getting Braxton there? Ain’t talking about money. Keeping V alive isn’t on these Six Impossible Things.

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Saying Goodbye – Navigating the Loss of a Beloved Pet
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 010, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Because keeping Virgil breathing… You’re his effing Daddy. It’s your job. It’s what you do. But you need a Day Job for that. And while I saved you money, there won’t be a paycheck this week. Didn’t I tell you I wasted the week? And again, I am sorry. Honestly.

Thoughts and Prayers. What am I, an Effing MAGA Red Hat worshipping a Cheeto? FDT!

But you have a choice. Do you want to be high enough to reach Braxton? It’s a lot of pain.

You should be high enough to look M Anime in the eye and say. you’re “The Only One For Me.” Too much? High enough to place Virgil and Braxton as brothers and not as competition. Hey, Braxton Got High, Virgil.

1575 Days Without B III, Day 1016 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 325 ~Braxton Needs Space, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

When I was a kid… (scoffs). I’m a boy at 40. Anyway, I wanted to be an astronaut. And I want a lightsaber. But who does a 40-year-old run to? B, at 15, was older. Dog Years. Even in death, I can’t give him what he needs. “Braxton Needs Space, Virgil”

Thursday, May 22, 2025

Meditation 325 ~Braxton Needs Space, Virgil~

1572 Days Without B III, Day 1013 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? As for myself. No energy shot. No cash. Well, not enough cash. What about sleep?

The only space I care about is the two between my eyelids. I need you and Virgil’s stepmom in the worst ways. First, I need to stop calling M Anime that. Second, Braxton, you had a favorite girl. Her Yabbos, anyway. Like father, like son. That is one thing you got from me. An affinity for Yabbos. I’m sure there are some “Somewhere Out There.”

All the gods, they cannot sever us. If I were dead and you were still fighting for life, I’d come back from the darkness. Back from the pit of hell to fight at your side.
Valeria, Conan the Barbarian (1982)

The only thing I’m sure you need from me right now is space. Is that why M Anime has been “Naughty…Naughty….Naughty in a Vanessa Marcil freaky with Nicolas Cage sorta way. You do remember the movie “The Rock” (1996). I should ask M Anime to put her hair in pigtails. And yes, Braxton, I know “Fucking-A” man! Language and eww!

I need to stop talking, yep. Or at least father to son. But that brings me back to my point.

Space. The final frontier. You’re somewhere on the Rainbow Bridge, while I’m afraid of hitting the road today. I’m scared of today, period. But what do I expect you or your little brother Virgil to do? “Make Room! Make Room!” What, so I can fit in more pop culture references? That’s what The Critic has been saying recently. As I live and breathe Braxton, it’s always the next thing on TV or in a book. Even the whole space idea is The Last of Us.

Only this is not The Last of Us, B. I don’t know what this is. But it is never Acceptance.

It’s me being scared all the time. It’s being a sinner. I don’t think M Anime and I trading pictures sans our clothing is sinful. It’s being slim. I’ve been seeing a lot of my body lately, and since I won’t be getting paid next week… What about this week. I’m going out B III.

I have to get the Check Engine Light looked at. After that comes your brother. He needs to get his yearly shots. Food has not been on the agenda. Not all that much for me.

When you stopped eating, you got sent to Heaven twice, but only once was permanent. I should let you remain there. I should give you space. From this world, the spotlight. Braxton Needs Space, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 321 ~B Shapes Up Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

I got a good look at a few bodies last week. From “The Most Beautiful Girl in the World.” I had to show her the BIG WILLIE. Not just on OF. Virgil’s still heavy from running from the rain. Braxton fits in a box and a pendent… B Shapes Up Virgil.

Sunday, May 18, 2025

Meditation 321 ~B Shapes Up Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… So, as David Ryan Harris sings, “Don’t Look Down.” You’re willing to listen to anyone but me.

I can’t say I blame you. I thought too much or not enough. And B III is proof of that.

Seriously, it’s been four years and about four months, and he’s still in the dirt. Well, in a box, anyway. Braxton trimmed down some. That is so not cool, but dark humor. You’re listening to LoFi Girl to avoid listening to DJ Cara from GTA. And still, there are tears.

Access water weight? You’re sweating bullets. Or you were with fear and keeping the air off. But for Virgil’s sake, you, or your Old Man, need to provide him with some A/C. Bills, bills, bills…

What about a vet visit? He needs to be walked. His XYZ’s of any other needs. Ignoring Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Vector: An overpowered MC harem-lite…
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 002, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 003 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

So why not see to your second-born son. Why not see to yourself? I know you are only now waking up. What have you accomplished? You got a lot off your mind regarding M Anime. You already notice your tendency to overthink things, and that’s without the Purple Pills that Eminem was talking about. Yet you want to take painkillers.

Only, nothing is hurting but that isn’t the standard. Your head? Sure, M Anime set your mind at ease. But your head still feels so heavy. One worry exchanged for so many others, I’m afraid to say. Your heart is still broken, and there aren’t enough drugs in the world.

And you don’t need penis pills. Do Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Pastor’s Purity Test: Forbidden First Time Sex by Emme Cox
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 003, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

No, you’re much too busy thinking about how you would do M Anime. Or Cherry. Manuscripts exchanged for plays. At least she’s being productive. But are you making money yet with your writing? How about making moves to get a refund for your GREAT investment, seeing how it’s been years. You’re thinking of surviving moment to moment or minute to minute. Is life working out for you? If it were, your writing would pay, hmm?

People would be watching you like they do Johnny Sins with the most beautiful women.

And, of course, the world would be a better place because Braxton would still be in it. He’d be twenty. But he was light enough to fly to Heaven. You’re not growing wings. Virgil? Chicken wings? B Shapes Up Virgil.

1568 Days Without B III, Day 1009 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 318 ~SUNDAY Virgil Will B~

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I’m wasting the day away… If I had been a better man, on a Sunday in 2021, I’d have joined my son on his walk across the Rainbow Bridge. 4 years, 4 months later, I’m sitting in bed trying to “Remember the Time,” with his stepmom? SUNDAY Virgil Will B

Thursday, May 15, 2025

Meditation 318 ~SUNDAY Virgil Will B~

1565 Days Without B III, Day 1006 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Me? Well, considering it’s Thursday, I’m thinking about Sunday. Do you remember Braxton? SIGH, Life.

Some days, I have no sense of time. On others, I count every minute and second. And then there’s your passing, which I have mourned for four years, four months, and today. Although, if I’m being honest, those twenty-four texts from your stepmom distracted me.

As always, I must stop calling M Anime your stepmom. And second, she’s a great distraction. Between waiting for you to come back… (Cue “When You Were Young”). “I said he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” But I spent some time reading about a particular dead man and his betrayer, Judas Iscariot. Baby B, some of this harem literature I read gets a bad rap. “Losing My Religion,” indeed.

“I Believe in a Thing Called Love.” For M Anime? Towards your little brother Virgil.

Braxton, I don’t love myself. Virgil took up the center of the bed last night. But unfortunately, he didn’t push hard enough for me to fall and bust my head on the vent this morning. God bless him for trying, though. Speaking of God, why am I thinking about Sunday? Other than the fact I was reading about Yehushuah ben Josef. And I want to hear M Anime scream OH MY GOD, biblically. And I know I think, Oh God!

When the Check Engine Light came on, having to wake up, there was “my” bank account. Braxton, I haven’t checked it yet, though it’s payday. Thursday’s the second worst day.

Oh, I want to talk to you, Braxton. But for all I know, you could be like me on Sundays. You’re all Lieutenant Dan barking, “Get Down! Shut Up!” You remember how I was B.

Sundays, I watch other people living the dream… The Walking Dead, The Last of Us. And whatever book I’ll start the week with. Sunday is the start of the week, and I’m sitting here crying about it? Or that I want to go back to sleep. Is it the fact I have to get food? Am I dreaming about lying next to M Anime, seeing Cherry’s yabbos, or Yui Obata?

Braxton, let the church say, Eww! I’m EASY, like Sunday morning. When it comes to “Pretty, pretty, pretty girls.” If somehow I were quiet and happy SUNDAY Virgil Will B.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad