Tag: Fatherhood

Meditation 195 ~That’s Another B Virgil~

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He that increaseth knowledge increaseth sorrow. Is the Bible Pop Culture? Anyway, I learned a lot last week… I know something else is broken, and I have no clue how to fix it. Or cash. And that includes my existence. That’s Another B Virgil

Sunday, January 12, 2025

Meditation 195 ~That’s Another B Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Are you a Dad yet? Are you hard enough? Are you rough enough? Are you rich enough?

First off… Eww! Second, the week has just begun… Darling, the nightmare has just begun. Once again, this isn’t negativity. You are pointing out facts. And the truth hurts. Doesn’t it? That is when you can hear it. The body. The brain. Braxton’s Playlist… Madness

Braxton is ashes in a box. And you’re a boy in a bed. Would you kindly get up and do…?

Well, something other than fantasizing about Ashley Graham from RE4 or Cherry. There are so many choices. And not so many days. How many months has it been since E-Day?

And now… You know what is coming up at the end of the month. How B III met his end.

You’re so dark this morning. Dystopia and Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING It Can’t Happen Here – Sinclair Lewis (dystopian political novel)
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 008, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

At least you’re telling the truth about number four. The last time you broke, it took MILF Dos’s voice and Cherry’s body. What do you want? Perfection, Consistency, uh… Discipline. Hell, the answer is your name, Will. All you need is the Will. Nothing more.

The Will to win. Where there’s a Will, there’s a way. The gift of Free Will and all that jazz.

But yeah, you could use Braxton and the willingness to quit with pop culture references.

Only Will you settle for another B-day? What’s one more day spent bedridden, Hmm? What’s another day singing, “Had a Bad Day again.” What’d I say about Pop Culture? Yet most of this morning was spent on b**bs, Yabbos. And not these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING We by Yevgeny Zamyatin (Dystopia)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Because? If this was school, what would you be getting? A, B, C, D… F? What happened to E? What indeed? Shall I tell you? It’s the least I can do. “EASY like Sunday morning.”

That’s what happened. And it’s a lie. There’s fake it till you make it, and then there’s ignorance, insanity, and downright indifference. The idea that it’s okay to be well… A forty-year-old boy. How about to be Braxton? You have your box to exist in. What about to be a beta? There’s another word for that… NTR (Netorare), but that’s a story for the bedroom.

And you need to leave this one. Don’t make today another failure. Don’t pray for a D… Eww! Get up, Will! That’s Another B Virgil

1442 Days Without B III, Day 883 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 190 ~Heading B’s Way Virgil~

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So many things are happening in my head that I forgot my “Resolutions.” And if I try to relax, the other head is worse… Eww! Where is the Queen of Hearts, The Red Queen, or Cherry? And it might snow, too? Another worry. “Heading B’s Way Virgil.”

Tuesday, January 7, 2025

Meditation 190 ~Heading B’s Way Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Is it with the type of love that my Braxton had for me? That love…

If this is the kind of love that my mom used to warn me about
Man, I’m in trouble
I’m in real big trouble ―

Wyclef Jean said it better than I ever could. And Braxton never said a word. Yet I believe he sends me these songs and words. Like you could say, I’m Insane in the Membrane. Ha!

Then again, I’ve always said I’ll take physical pain over mental mischief. My head hurts!

Because yesterday… And I’m remaining “positive.” But my love, I’m only speaking the truth. Yesterday was a terrible day for my mental health. I went from falling back asleep to looking at myself in the mirror and wondering… How did Socrates do it? Uh, Hemlock.

I was so exhausted that I was praying for some accident. Yes, women are dangerous.

Before heading to bed, I spent most of the night looking up… Stuff And Thangs?

Not my own or some beautiful girls’ Yabbos. Our “home” is for you, my lovely wife, and any “partners.” I’m still researching that option. But last night I was looking for things… Like I keep in the nightstand. Russian Roulette type… Stop watching Squid Game.

Only the finale remains. But that’s not the reason I’m fighting hard to stay positive. It’s like that time I read Rhonda Byrne’s The Secret. It was supposed to bring positivity. But somehow, I got triggered by a wave of negativity that swept over me. It was like a storm in my mind, overwhelming. Overstimulating?

Having two heads, my love… Or is it I’m wearing too many hats? It could be, as THEY say. Heavy the head that wears the crown. And I want my crown. For you, ours, Braxton…

Darling, I won’t credit Braxton with “You Can Leave Your Hat On.” Ha-ha. Would I make you my Kyrie Canaan or Lady Dimitrescu, my love? I swear, like most men, I have to blow one head to clear the other. And after that joy, well, what comes next… Both figuratively and literally… Eww! And is that a positive thing? Making Love. Getting Off. Saying hi to my monster. I didn’t do that yesterday. If anything, my love, honestly. It’s just…

Yesterday, I felt like a victim. And I was tired of running. I’m losing my head one way or another. But it’s a cold, cruel, coming to an end type of world. Braxton needs company…

But as a Husband, Father, and Friend. Whatever else, love. I understand the importance of emotional connection. I’m committed to being there for you, my love, and I hope you’ll be there for me too as we navigate life’s challenges together. Heading B’s Way Virgil

1437 Days Without B III, Day 878 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 188 ~An Honest B Virgil~

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I got a well-deserved D in a Math class long ago. I cheated on a few French tests and got A’s and B’s. And then I got caught. However, I haven’t used THAT Math, and I can’t speak French, but being positive… I graduated. But life? “An Honest B Virgil”

Sunday, January 5, 2025

Meditation 188 ~An Honest B Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And the only person you should be judging. I can’t stress this enough. Just a fact. Positive…

You’re gonna be positive. And yes, you know the word is Popular. As you know, that song has been everywhere from Wicked. Like B’s recommendations. The song “Popular” is not one of them. But there is also Squid Game 2. Indeed, the popular things of this day and age. More importantly, they’re honest. What about you? You’re an honest man…

Well, this is our first time talking in the new year. So how do you feel? Oh, the tears, hmm? You’re tired, but you have a bed. Everything has to have a positive spin. Inevitably…

You’ll be sad again. You should start your resolutions on Monday, February 3, 2025. Braxton? At the moment. It looks like you’ll repeat the day. Like failing Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING It Can’t Happen Here – Sinclair Lewis (dystopian political novel)
    Failed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 008 No Fap)*
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Just the facts. And here’s another one. Being positive isn’t on any list for the new year, friend. Not a resolution or an Impossible Thing. So why bother? Popularity… Popular.

You’re not putting that in Braxton’s playlist. You’re more inclined to add the Squid Game 2 Version of “Fly Me To The Moon.” Would that make you popular? But in all honesty…

Do you know what’s not popular? Complaining about life, crying over Braxton, and talking about all the women that make you cream your pants when you’re wearing any.

I only bother when Virgil needs to go outside or get food. That’s another thing as well. Stop being such a crabby pants when speaking on Virgil. At this rate, he’ll make Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING It Can’t Happen Here – Sinclair Lewis (dystopian political novel)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 008, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

There’s also the fact that you don’t need to bring up cash, the house’s current state, and the country’s sad state in two weeks. And the company you call a Day Job. Am I saying don’t be a C-Student? You should be so lucky. And once again, the facts. You have to be positive, which is the only advice. But is that being honest starting this year? Don’t I wish.

Somehow. I don’t know how, but yes, somehow. LIE. A lie can be positive… Enough.

However, the question is, how do you look at yourself? A good student doesn’t make a happy person. Learning to say you’re happy is a positive thing. And biggest falsehood.

When said enough… Don’t finish that. An Honest B Virgil.

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face – forever” George Orwell, 1984

1435 Days Without B III, Day 876 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 183 ~B, Eve, And Virgil~

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“What are you doing New Year’s, New Year’s Eve?” Well, Ella Fitzgerald, I spent most of the year the same way. I’m in bed dreading life and not wanting to participate in much today. But if I had a wife, two-legged kids, and B uh V… B, Eve, And Virgil

Tuesday, December 31, 2024

Meditation 183 ~B, Eve, And Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? More than yesterday. More than today, even on New Year’s Eve. Doesn’t feel like it…

It’s not an ending or a new beginning. It’s just another day. Only Matchbox Twenty said it better. One more day down. So what about today? Considering next year, too…

Darling, what do I want? What is thy bidding, my Master? Eww! Knowing your man. These simplistic New Year’s Resolutions:

  1. I want Braxton back.
  2. Virgil becomes my son
  3. Finish, It Can’t Happen Here
  4. Stop waking up moaning
  5. Wanting to wake up
  6. To stop complaining
  7. Stop fearing my father
  8. Visiting OnlyFans with money
  9. Make more on OnlyFans
  10. Don’t talk to myself
  11. To stop smiling unnecessarily
  12. To stop procrastinating
  13. Clean out the inboxes
  14. Cutting the phone off daily
  15. Be not so fearful

Fifteen? My lucky number. Unlucky when it comes to my first love. Well, the first I was solely responsible for. My firstborn son Braxton. But that was 2021, and we’re heading into 2025. So will I start these tomorrow… When did the comedian die? But not my lustful resolutions, babe:

  1. I want Braxton back
  2. Virgil becomes my son
  3. To build a Bordello
  4. To create a Harem
  5. To produce Adult films
  6. Publish an erotic series
  7. Moaning with someone (wife)
  8. No more masturbation (alone)
  9. Exploring Sadism and Masochism
  10. To be less shameful
  11. Working on my body
  12. Continue building sexual collections
  13. Sex once a week
  14. Study NTR, Dollification, etc.
  15. M Anime or Cherry

A few things. When it comes to making babies I always ask where my two furry sons are first. So, I lock them out when I’m having adult time. Second, the critic won’t like this. Neither will M Anime or Cherry. And again, you know the man you married. Resolutions:

  1. I’ll keep Virgil alive
  2. I’ll publish a bestseller
  3. Make one hundred million
  4. I’ll write 400 Words daily
  5. I’ll complete every NaNoWriMo
  6. I‘ll provide for us
  7. Episode 345 ~You Got Will’s Number~
  8. I’ll be FEARLESS
  9. I’ll be TRUTHFUL
  10. I’ll LIVE not exist
  11. I‘ll LOVE someone
  12. I’ll find HAPPINESS
  13. ACCEPTANCE with Braxton’s loss… NEVER
  14. Less depression… In bed
  15. I’ll gain POWER to…

1430 Days Without B III, Day 871 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 181 ~Can’t B Done, Virgil~

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The fact that I came down the stairs on a bum leg to talk to myself, knowing I won’t paid, is a miracle. I kill myself at the Day Job for what I believe is BS. But next year, I want to know I’m doing something as I sit here. Can’t B Done, Virgil

Sunday, December 29, 2024

Meditation 181 ~Can’t B Done, Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And what can I say as we look at each other one last time? You made it…

I wish I had been kinder to Ladies Lunalesca and Sophia. There is also Inspector Echo, and especially Braxton. Oh! You just realized what you sounded like. The date, friend.

But the only number you were thinking about when you woke up was three. Seriously. Two of them, as in thirty-three percent, you need to read today to stay on track. And close out this year with the novel It Can’t Happen Here. Which brings me to today’s question, friend. Can it be done? So let it be written. So let it be done. Are you to be a pharaoh?

At present, you have no idea what you’re going to do with the new year. Hell! This year, I haven’t accomplished these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

And I had one extra day since it was a leap year. I got two, maybe three at a stretch. And with this being our last conversation. You will already admit that you failed number six. You don’t have the money for number five. And the others… You can’t keep writing these things down and not doing anything with them. Shall that be my advice to you today? You looked over your New Year’s Resolutions from previous years. How close did you come to accomplishing any of them? Should you let Braxton Barks choose them?

What about your Dear Future Wife? How you wish you were one for planning, brother.

You can come up with the simplest things. But still, there’s these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING It Can’t Happen Here – Sinclair Lewis (dystopian political novel)
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Knowledge is stronger than belief. Again, you wish you were one for having a plan. As you have the words of 55 books at your disposal. 56 if you can finish before Wednesday, ha-ha. It depends on the Yabbos and levels of intimacy. Eww! Can you stop? Yes. But Will?

Will you stop? There are so many things you can do. But will you? Or, as Yoda put it. Uh.

“Do or do not. There is no try.” Master Yoda

People nowadays are all about, LET’S GO! You’ve gone back and forth on Battle Cries…

Do It For B III
Do It For Your Son
Whatever You Do, Do It For Braxton Barks Bradford Will
Always And Forever For Braxton
May Braxton Be With You
Anything And Everything For Braxton

Can 2025 be done? Will you? Can’t B Done, Virgil

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face – forever” George Orwell, 1984

1428 Days Without B III, Day 869 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 176 ~B Happier There Virgil~

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Some toys are better left in the sack. I’m not one to be played with. Only my father wants to toy around and my Ma had two C-Sections to bring me and my sister into being. Now I’ve been asked… commanded home for Christmas. B Happier There Virgil

Tuesday, December 24, 2024

Meditation 176 ~B Happier There Virgil~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? It’s not even a question; it’s a fact. And since comedy comes in threes, well…

One, anytime I’m *feeling super, super (super!) suicidal*, my father, son, or the old Day Job is the cause. And if you’re asking about this morning, the winner… father, obviously.

Two, I have said often enough that fatherhood is the epitome of manhood. However, I look at my father, I will look up mine eyes unto the hills, and I see men of the cloth…

Disgustingly, I wanted to be a father. And no, not a priest. I mean a red-blooded man with you, our children, a home. I’m a greedy S.O.B., but that’s the crux: I want a family.

Ironically, I sit here with you at precisely 8:56 AM, and I am ready to throw it all away and join my firstborn son, Braxton.

I wondered what I would say to you this Christmas Eve morning, and now I am crying my heart out. And for once, I’m not shedding tears about my firstborn son, B III. But myself.

I couldn’t care less about Santa Claus, Satan, or the snake oil salesman about to take our country. Father Christmas, the Father of evil, what would the Founding Fathers think.

Today, I only worry about the man in the mirror. The man you chose to be your husband, my love. And I think about all I’ve done for him, you, and our family. I wanted to show him the life I wanted to give. And now I want you to have that “When I’m Gone.”

Overdramatic. Gee Whiz, It’s Christmas!

It will be tomorrow, and there’s no comfort or joy. Happiness? I will take what we have this very second over anything that will happen tomorrow. Merry Christmas, indeed. Eff!

I was not asked or assuaged into this and cannot abdicate it. I may be getting the hang of this St. Nick thing. Because what started as a favor, an act of mercy, a kindness…

Christmas is now a command, a con job, the call for an execution of self. It’s the annihilation of the individual, to become a nonexistent person, vaporized, driven from society. ROOM 101! I’m not going home; I’m headed to the gallows. Death is your gift.

Yeah, if you’re my father. Because this Christmas, wherever Braxton is… B Happier There Virgil

1423 Days Without B III, Day 864 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 174 ~Virgil’s And Braxton’s Gifting~

WillLeave a comment

All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth. Sorry. What I meant to say was that I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas. No. I don’t want to feel like Rudolph the other 364 days of the year. It’s why I have my *sons*. “Virgil’s And Braxton’s Gifting”

Sunday, December 22, 2024

Meditation 174 ~Virgil’s And Braxton’s Gifting~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… And are you here again? Right here, right now. Well, you couldn’t breathe right this morning. sigh.

You thought you were getting sick. No. Sick is talking about Cherry in a certain type of way, my friend. What? When somebody asks you to describe a fantasy or what you want for Christmas. Like me, you rather not think about it. That’s the thing about needing to breathe. When you can’t, nothing else seems to matter. I dreamt about Braxton’s passing last night. Is that what woke you up? I was watching him take his last breath. Mine?

At that moment, I would have joined him. But that wasn’t the case. You woke up a mouth breather. And all you wanted was to feel better, to stop bouncing to thoughts of Cherry and breathe normally again. To what? Fail these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING 1984 by Mr. George Orwell
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Tis the season not to do this. To feel jolly or whatever. Can you even hear the Fa-la-la-la-la? You can’t win ’em all. You can breathe somewhat normally. And your leg is feeling pretty better. Your ear is still on the fritz, though. And Christmas is full of noise, friend.

But not friend Virgil. What are you getting him from Christmas? What is Virgil getting you? Less time outside… Virgil dislikes the cold. So, he does his business reasonably quickly. And he saved you fifty bucks, To his detriment. To yours? Father Christmas, you’re not.

And what about Braxton? After all this time, that boy keeps your eyes properly hydrated. And with your crying, you can blow your nose. Someday At Christmas Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

By the way, how annoying is that song, Someday At Christmas? And then there’s Happy Christmas. I’m sure people wouldn’t complain if wars ceased on Any Given Sunday. Ha-ha! And there are homeless people every day. The lowest, poorest, hungriest, sickest, saddest, and even the stupidest. Why wait till Christmas to dole out the favors?

And you’re the angriest, horniest, and you would take a bit of self-control anytime, anywhere.

That’s another gift from my boys. And again, what can I give them? What can you give yourself? You’ll be pressed to even accomplish number one on your Christmas list.

Making it to the dining room table or the recliner would be a Christmas miracle…

Your boys give reason, purpose, existence… Virgil’s And Braxton’s Gifting

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face – forever” George Orwell, 1984

1421 Days Without B III, Day 862 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 169 ~Virgil And B Vitamins~

WillLeave a comment

Men try not to share with their families. And that’s one of the reasons Braxton is gone. I wanted to protect him from my pain. So, I ignored his pain until it was too late. And now, with how I “look after” myself. And V’s needs. Virgil And B Vitamins

Tuesday, December 17, 2024

Meditation 169 ~Virgil And B Vitamins~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? And all you need is love, right. The smooth jams of Marvin Gaye’s particular healing.

I wish I could maintain this positivity. But at this particular moment as Braxton’s… spirit was telling me about. I feel like Winston and Julia did… After the Thought Police…

Have you ever read 1984 my love? I’m sorry if I spoiled it for you. I can be a pain.

However, today’s point is that I’m in pain. I’ve felt worse. Am I going to bring up Braxton yet again? If you ever copped with that type of attitude, I’d walk out in a heartbeat. No one disrespects our children, especially my firstborn son. But speaking of heartbeats. Do I need one? I’m counting up injuries. I’ve got a headache; my right ear’s a mess. And have I pulled a muscle in my left leg?

I’m just a sucker for pain. Since leaving my Olds payroll… I’m a billionaire now. Well, you and I are billionaires, my love. Anyway, the only pain that interests me is yours and the girls in the business, if you know what I mean… If you’re interested in what took me so long to talk to you today. Only I found no relief as I’m still hurting all over, love.

Reading didn’t help. Again, I’m in my favorite part of 1984: Winston and Julia’s affair. Did you know Winston was thirty-nine and Julia was twenty-six? I’m forty, and what’s your age again, baby girl? It would be a pain if I forgot your age or your birthday. But What’s My Age Again? I’m forgetful. Huh.

These days, this man’s body, music, and memories remind me that I should be publishing a manuscript. But I feel so bad today. I need to remember to down this pill that’s on the table beside me. I swear, even the algorithm knows what I’m up to. With last night…

I saw a video message warning about the dangers of acetaminophen. But why doesn’t anyone answer this? How Can You Mend a Broken Heart? I swear the music, my love.

And as for us in the bedroom? Gee whiz, I wonder why I’m into someone else’s pain and humiliation. And all sorts of dirty words. And what about getting swatted on the behind… I have issues. Like Braxton’s passing. My pain. Virgil And B Vitamins

1416 Days Without B III, Day 857 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 167 ~Virgil’s Holiday Spirit, B~

WillLeave a comment

I need to start thinking of a Christmas list. More spirits are listening now than on Halloween and the day Braxton was Euthanized. Santa, ghosts, loved ones, etc. Because when I tell myself what I want, well… Hello, “Virgil’s Holiday Spirit, B”

Sunday, December 15, 2024

Meditation 167 ~Virgil’s Holiday Spirit, B~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror… Can you see me? Not Braxton out of the corner of your eye. The man in bed…

And definitely, not all the pictures you took of yourself thinking you could make money.

Onlyfans? That’s the last place you need to be with no money. But why were you so late this morning? Uh, Blacked and such pretty, pretty girls Christmas giving, receiving…

Comes but once a year… Eww! Can you stop? If you could only stop looking at Yabbos the way you look at Cherry’s Wish List. Or buying M Anime some Blacked clothing. And what does Braxton’s Aunt want for Christmas? You haven’t forgotten your mother?

https://vixenbrand.com/collections/blacked/products/blacked-bralette

Birthdays are the worst. Correction, your Emergence Day is the worst. Everyone else is okay with theirs. But you don’t want to see the future. Your broken future. George Orwell?

The past? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 001 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

If you’re looking for one more thing to fail, how about wasting money? Buying George Orwell’s 1984 cost a pretty penny. But the last thing you need is to remember that a month from now, you’ll owe somebody money, namely Kindle. They have holiday spirit.

Do you know why everyone has holiday spirit? Because they’re killing themselves trying to keep up with everything this season. Hell, with your Day Job, you see more zombies, vampires subsisting on coffee, people former ghosts of themselves, and spirits than on Halloween. The Nightmare Before Christmas. So, what are you doing at Christmas time?

Again, there are no Christmas romances. I started 1984 yesterday. You’ve avoided the entirety of Mariah Carey’s All I Want For Christmas Is You. Yeah, like these Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING 1984 by Mr. George Orwell
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Life Story
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 001, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

At this rate, I have to ask. Do you even have the spirit of a man? You have been awake for nine hours and have already failed number six. You need the money for five. You were fighting number four. Number three’s in limbo, always and forever. I swear, dude…

Number two… Well, she doesn’t look like Braxton. And Gee Whiz, it’s Christmas. Or it will be in a week. And you will do nothing because you can do nothing. You’re the John Wick of your dreams. Baba Yaga, if you will. And number one… 1984 is a big book. However, to see your future… Look! Now get the eff out of my sight. Such is Virgil’s Holiday Spirit, B

“If you want a picture of the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face – forever” George Orwell, 1984

1414 Days Without B III, Day 855 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 162 ~Virgil On B’s Downgrade~

WillLeave a comment

I hope he, she, or they are not like me; I hope they understand. Fatherhood is the epitome of manhood. A man raises his wife and children higher than himself. It worked for B. He got sent to Heaven. Uh, low. But myself. “Virgil On B’s Downgrade”

Tuesday, December 10, 2024

Meditation 162 ~Virgil On B’s Downgrade~

Dear Future Wife,
You know that I love you, right? Above myself? Of course. But my love is like hope. I keep none for myself.

Uh, you married a geek. I can only tell you a little about Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, etc. But nevertheless, a geek. I read, and I know things. Game Of Thrones? With all my time off, not counting when you’re reading this, you would think I would catch up with some pop culture. Wrestling, Wickedness, the Wh***dom of my novel. I’m powering down.

Today is Thursday, December 6, 2024. And I am a shell of my former self. Please, haven’t I been this way since I lost my boy, my Braxton? And what about Virgil? He’s so bored.

Sometimes, I wonder if I’m a downgrade from who had Virgil first. Who loved him first? He’s got comfy spots and cool water. So Cheers!

But not for me. Every day, it’s like I have to make myself so much worse. What so you’ll leave. No! Never! Ever! And if losing my firstborn didn’t do that… I still mourn him.

Existence has been forever and always downgraded without Braxton. But it could be worse. I could be Ted Mosby, forever pining away for another woman while I have our family. If a man finds an angel… And I have you, my love. His duty, honor, and privilege is to build her a Heaven. And if a man touches the sky… That’s where Heaven is? Hmm.

A man and woman must show their children the stars. The twinkle in father’s eye.

Seriously? Am I trying to be a somewhat decent writer?

I’d settle for being a decent father and friend and not too effing shabby in the sack as a husband, my love. And that’s the problem. It feels wrong to desire more but then to live with desiring less or not at all. There’s being indifferent. At the same time, if I choose what I want, what does it make me? The guy that let the vet euthanize Braxton. Love?

You know what I wanted to say. What’s a word for censorship, sadness, and disgust all rolled into one? And let’s not forget depravity. Is that why I want to do specific things with you in bed? Because I’m not worthy of an angel. Or a friend like Braxton. But fatherhood? Virgil On B’s Downgrade

1409 Days Without B III, Day 850 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will