Tag: Words

Lesson 254 ~Write Where They “WILL” See~

WillLeave a comment

People are frightened by silence, but while they fear to shut-up, I am afraid to speak because even now I can imagine what’s going on upstairs in their brains, and what is going on in mine at any one time. Write Where They “WILL” See, maybe not?

Monday, March 12, 2018

Lesson 254 ~Write Where They “WILL” See~

Twenty-Third Rule Madam Justice

I Am Not Afraid Anymore, but perhaps I am a fool because war doesn’t frighten me, hell what do I know about war, as a matter of fact, what do I know about writing? The things I dreamed as a child, there was a point where I wanted to be the Secretary of Defense, and while I still envision such power, you must start with one’s self, so I sought to be a journalist, a wartime journalist to be precise.

“I didn’t think I could stop the war. I just thought maybe, I might try and understand one.
Maybe help folks back home understand. I just figure I could do that better… shooting a camera than I could shooting a rifle.” We Were Soldiers (2002)

Now ask me why I’m not a psychopath Madam Justice; I couldn’t tell you the names of the living or the dead in any of the shootings running rampant, how many novels could I outline at the moment, what about all the things that Trump has said? Grab them by the pussy; not eloquent, or profound words but they resonant and sad to say, what I strive for as a writer, words that cannot know avoidance, dismissal, or forgetfulness. Hell, there are words that I didn’t read like “The Harmonic War,” that are a physical illness. There are friends I have lost that I can never forget, and my god we’re here day two-hundred and fifty-four and I still think about being called “skeevy,” that just resonates in my skull.

Write Where They Will See, is, unfortunately, a rule I still refuse to live up to because of my fear but when I write, I want my words written in your bathroom mirror, I want you to see yourself through my eyes. I want my words scribbled on your skull, a white room for your brain where you sit in the middle wondering is it you or me. My words should be so freaking painful that you go to a website and you hold your hand up trying to block the words on Google, that for days on end you’re looking around wondering, do they know, am I this thing; I’m a horrible writer right?

Even now Madam Justice I am incapable of hurting anybody, only myself, at work today I told the general manager that with how he feels about the first amendment, I couldn’t speak up. I don’t think anybody sees us, but that has got to change, I refuse to lie amongst the dead a name and nothing more, they took that, she stole that. Only my dream is to write my name across the sky, to echo like thunder, to rage like the winds, to drown some in their tears, and leave nothing of the man they think me to be.

No pages, no blogs, no comments, not anything but the truth; how to do that, Write Where They “WILL” See.

First Amendment Bill Of Rights

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.”

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 233 ~What’s Worse Than Hate, Indifference~

WillLeave a comment

I’m a lot of things, to a few I am even a man if not The Man, and those few times I look in the mirror or how I feel, I know it. Only humans can be so annoying, we can be loved and hated but what’s worse hmm? What’s Worse Than Hate, Indifference

Monday, February 19, 2018

Lesson 233 ~What’s Worse Than Hate, Indifference~

Twentieth Rule Madam Justice,

I Am Not Afraid Anymore though time has passed since I was fear itself; when I was in school my slogan was, the best thing to have is love, if not then be liked, at least be respected, barring that be invisible, and if all else fails, be feared. Another day, another school shooting, well a few days ago so maybe I shouldn’t knock hate, at least hatred makes sense or insanity but to just not matter, to cease to be, that’s indifference, that’s Hell.

“You don’t think I’m ordinary?”

“You couldn’t be ordinary if you tried.”

“Thank you. I don’t think there’s anything worse than being ordinary.” American Beauty

Now how can anyone hate words, but “interesting” I find lazy but “whatever,” is the worst just edging out “just kidding” because whatever to me eliminates an idea? Yes I know I’m guilty of using all three but the last time I used all of the above I still talk to the person daily, like, love, and hate can be the most exhausting things ever. What about silence, at work my first amendment rights are being curtailed and telling people that you honestly don’t care, hell I don’t talk to my family and vice versa, but again I am exhausted.

Hating though is one thing, to hate means you once cared, even if it was a Luke Skywalker moment of wanting to kill Kylo Ren, but once there is nothing left to love, hate, or fear, you’re capable of doing the most monstrous of things. Better to feel too much than too little isn’t that what they say and that’s also the problem, people trying to tell each other how to feel. When you do that to someone they feel as though they’re not understood and when they aren’t being heard then what is the point of speaking at all?

Another reason I put such value in words, for someone that hates most people, thank goodness, I do see the importance of communication, as in my dog, but solitude is also a blessing. Hate can destroy but I think it’s the moment that we cease to care, a time when a person is seen not as a human being or less than what they are, and they know speaking, crying, screaming won’t help they are made indifferent and notably dangerous.

“Can’t even shout.
Can’t even cry.
The Gentlemen are coming by.
Looking in windows,
knocking on doors…
They need to take seven
and they might take yours…
Can’t call to mom.
Can’t say a word.
You’re gonna die screaming,
but you won’t be heard.” Hush

So love if you can, like, respect, and if somebody chooses to be invisible, take it as a blessing, because the moment everything is lost including hate, there is but indifference, and the return of fear and goodness knows I hate, lust, I feel shame. What’s Worse Than Hate, Indifference

“If you ever loved me, don’t rob me of my hate. It’s all I have.” The Count of Monte Cristo

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 222 ~#MeToo, Me Three, Foreplay~

WillLeave a comment

Last week I was worried about Heaven hearing me when misunderstood by a man across the desk and a woman I wouldn’t have minded… shh, you can’t say such things or even the innocent pretty words, don’t even think them “#MeToo, Me Three, Foreplay.”

Thursday, February 8, 2018

Lesson 222 ~#MeToo, Me Three, Foreplay~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, but I should be, I think a lot of men are, and I know we have talked about my mouth on more than one occasion that when it comes to women… at this rate, I have nothing to worry about honestly. If anything I still remember the 5th Amendment, but lately, I have been holding onto the first one as tightly as a Republican with his gun after any recent shooting.

A man with a voice is a dangerous thing these days though it’s more about the physical aspect but it’s these words Dirty Diana, these damn words, and the words are now, the right to remain silent… those would be the Miranda rights? The right to free speech though, I’ve never whistled at some woman, never catcalled, never called some girl a dirty name outside the bedroom or should I just say sexual activity. Funny I thought something like this would scare me the most, well it has but what were the real consequences of any such thing other than looking like a pervert, a Harvey Weinstein or even worse.

You know what word nearly ended me; life, how about a job’s a job, another day, a sigh, a moan, a grunt, and I’m supposed to be worried about calling a woman a slut, a ho, how about whore or bitch? No Dirty Diana they are saying a backlash is coming, you know I can be nice, but a guy can be taken down by an accusation, an acknowledgment of beauty, a look, a movement, my god nothing is safe. Think The Screwfly Solution with the Daughters of Eve rather than the Sons of Adam. I know this isn’t sounding so sexy but these days, silence, isolation, talk about spreading your legs, what about opening your mind, or breaking your heart, hiding everything about ourselves because we’re afraid for men to be men and women to be women and everything.

I respect the #MeToo movement but where does it end, you wonder why I’m so scared to talk to women outside because I’m horrified to talk to anybody and damn my social anxiety, it’s against the law to be me, and I’m made to be something they see which is illegal. Every single word and you could be one of them, #MeToo, Me Three, Foreplay.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 215 ~Who Falls For Heaven~

WillLeave a comment

I suppose it’s a good thing that Heaven can’t hear me, but that doesn’t stop an angel from listening does it, though I have yet to decide if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Who Falls For Heaven, it’s not a lie, I hope not, but I’m not getting in.

Thursday, February 1, 2018

Lesson 215 ~Who Falls For Heaven~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore though I should be, shouldn’t I? This whole week has been about being a man. Well let’s be honest, I think I’m less. Only just a man and what can men do? We chase goddesses, angels, queens, princesses, and everything else; I read once about how men are told to build Heaven for angels do not live in Hell, do they?

I don’t look down on women, I’ll even go so far to say that all women are beautiful in specific ways, but my grandmother said I was full of pride, don’t know how but a man wants the highest caliber women he can find or I do at least. The question becomes though why do I chase the most righteous, the most innocent, and the sweetest and suddenly turn around and call them sluts, bitches, and whores with passion. We talked about my mouth before but don’t they say, a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets?

“A man’s sexual choice is the result and the sum of his fundamental convictions… He will always be attracted to the woman who reflects his deepest vision of himself, the woman whose surrender permits him to experience a sense of self-esteem. The man who is proudly certain of his own value, will want the highest type of woman he can find, the woman he admires, the strongest, the hardest to conquer–because only the possession of a heroine will give him the sense of an achievement.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged

It all came rushing back to me when I saw some of that movie “From Straight A’s to XXX” which is about Miriam Weeks a.k.a. Belle Knox, starring Haley Pullos; made me break my “No Fap” streak. Only this isn’t me being bitter what I’m talking about is I’m all for keeping a girl on high, the higher she is, the less accessible she is to other men but if you place her to too high then, will I reach her? When it comes to me every day any woman will tell you I’m shy, introverted, reserved, hell I have social anxiety but when it comes to the bedroom scene…

Now while I don’t share Phil Dunphy’s stance on powerful “black” women, and yes I love my mother and my sister just saying. I do like women who hold maybe not power precisely but again righteousness, making her turn her back on her morals and surrendering herself to baser instincts. Heaven and Hell both need acceptance but a man somehow fighting his way to Heaven is one thing an angel choosing Hell is another, and we meet in the middle.

“You’ll float, too, you’ll float, too, you’ll float, too… YOU’LL FLOAT, TOO!” ― It (2017)

It’s strange that I don’t like masochist because they enjoy pain but to take someone who doesn’t and teach them to want it or again a woman who considers herself a slut is good but making a good girl become one is even better. I think denying what we want is just as good as being dead but tell me honestly, Who Falls For Heaven.

“When she’s abandoned her moral center and teachings…when she’s cast aside her facade of propriety and lady-like demeanor…when I have so corrupted this fragile thing and brought out a writhing, mewling, bucking, wanton whore for my enjoyment and pleasure…..enticing from within this feral lioness…growling and scratching and biting…taking everything I dish out to her…..at that moment she is never more beautiful to me.” ― by Marquis de Sade (1740–1814)

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 208 ~Ahead Of The Game~

WillLeave a comment

When everything you say is wrong all you have to do is find a girl for answers, although to be honest I’m not that coherent during, and if I am, then it’s time to find a new girl… no filter right? Ahead Of The Game.

Thursday, January 25, 2018

Lesson 208 ~Ahead Of The Game~

WARNING, 18+, READER DISCRETION ADVISED

Come In Dirty Diana,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore because some things render me speechless, e.g., blowjobs and even that I have an opinion about, yes I’m a hypocrite, this is true. First because last week I talked about getting loud, second the cock wants what it wants, and thirdly somebody put something in his mouth my zipper’s stuck, still thinking about that bastard from a few days ago; worried?

“Somebody put something in his mouth. My zipper’s stuck.” Martin Lawrence

Strange that I think about getting head when the last thing I want to do is reminisce, or in this case thinking with the little head instead of the big one… two birds one stone. What I mean is a release of one will lead to peace for the other, it’s hard to do anything in such a state, drive a car, hate your fellow man, or worry about anything at all. So while I’m trying not to indulge someone I despise, what about what I like in a girl, that would be a better use of my time right?

As the song goes, give me a head with hair, long beautiful hair, seriously I had a massive thing for Amandla Stenberg in “Everything, Everything” and then I saw her with a shaved head and dammit did that not negate everything else. Am I that shallow, I could be as bad as Ted Mosby that’s mad because a girl doesn’t pick up the check, or Blake who thinks he’s so disgusting that Erin can’t stand to look at him. Perhaps Catherine trying to imagine someone attractive in “Cruel Intentions 2”, that might have sucked. I’m not as depraved as to think about glory holes and paying for it… well, hopefully, I’m still gainfully employed now.

So where was I, long hair, I have a thing for brunettes, and a girl looking at me while she’s in the act, it honestly takes me to another place, the sound of silence or at least no words, more than words as another song goes. My favorite has to be that Katniss Everdeen braids style from The Hunger Games, ponytails, pigtails, but then we’re going into cosplay, and other fetishes and again my big head is much too dense, and my little head will be much too full dealing.

Is the lesson today that people should learn to shut their mouths in one way or another or that people naturally suck or are masters so Ahead Of The Game?

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 202 ~Want It In Writing~

WillLeave a comment

If it’s not said, read, or in bed does it even exists, according to Google it’s there and so I ask myself why am I so afraid it’s there; I wonder how many nerd writers there are because I always think of the technical stuff. “Want It In Writing,” hmm

Friday, January 19, 2018

Lesson 202 ~Want It In Writing~

“It’s funny, isn’t it? Only the white man wants everything put in writing, and only then so he can use it against you in court.” Tom Laughlin, Billy Jack (1971)

Hey Lady Sophia,
I Am Not Afraid Anymore, only writing it down doesn’t make it any more valid; to be honest, I expect all of my writing will find its way into court as exhibits a through z, so how can I feel so lazy? Maybe lazy trumps wrong in my eyes and how I hate my writing but I wonder how other people see it, yet another reason to be afraid just didn’t I write that I’m not scared.

I’m always writing because could you imagine where I would be if I said these things… hell, Lady Sophia, I talk about going to trial someday, I’ve been in trouble with the lawman accused of everything from stalking to terrorism, and then people wonder why I don’t write sunshine and lollipops. There is also this idea that I want to be rich but do I have anything fit for Amazon and apparently I don’t have a life worth being remembered and should I die you genuinely think my parents will have any of this stuff published? That’s telling isn’t it, that I believe they are going to outlive me but relax I’m not writing a suicide note, strangely enough, I never have, sleeping pills, Nyquil, other things, am I still looking for something to say?

I don’t know what I would do without writing, and then I go for such long stints without working on my novels and when is the last time I wrote a poem? You know I’ve even signed a contract that I would begin the editing process thanks to NaNoWriMo, and I still have writers looking for reviews, but it all comes down to the same concept, nobody cares and the people that do care… that in itself is a long story. It always comes back to that crucial question why do I write and you don’t know how hard it is because I am in an almost perpetual censor mode because just like real life nobody cares to listen anyway.

There was a time I was a whiny bitch about people paying no attention, and now I stand ready with a box full of matches prepared to burn it all and I don’t even worry about the mass exodus of people. If anything now I lurk in this place Lady Sophia, such is meager existence, and I can only hope that if I do not see stars, I do not see bars, but it’s my life, Want It In Writing?

“Are all nerds as good as you?”
“Yes.”
“How come?”
“’Cause all jocks ever think about is sports, all we ever think about is sex.”
Revenge of the Nerds (1984)

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 195 ~What A Wonderful Word~

WillLeave a comment

Friday, January 12, 2018

Lesson 195 ~What A Wonderful Word~

Hey Lady Sophia,
No Fear, I don’t think I’m quite as bad as President Trump; that right there, words that I hate to see on the page and even worse that I feel I can relate to him. My fault am I right, is it because it’s partly honest, am I ashamed, is it the fear I keep trying to deny, or the fact that anyone can know with a Google search and it all started out with one word, I’ve said it enough, SKEEVY.

In my life, there have been three books I have failed to read, “The Moonstone,” I’m not sure on the author, and I don’t want to bash the wrong one with my words. “The Lord of the Flies” by William Golding, I know plenty of people that say it was a classic, but I couldn’t get fifty pages in and while it still sounds fascinating, I’ve never picked it up again. The Bible, well not all of it but I have read parts, and it genuinely makes me feel better… about my writing Lady Sophia, why should I be ashamed of the evils that I put down for the world to see at any point?

Is it shame though, I felt it, I was sick to my stomach last night when I went to check out “she who shall not be named” maybe she has a point on a lot of things, and the only reason I went was curiosity about her blog dynamics considering my own. I didn’t make that mistake during the Harmonic War and trust me I had much more to consider but “she who shall not be named” was an actual acquaintance of mine. Perhaps this is what bothers President Trump and myself so, knowing the thoughts of people you give a rat’s ass about, it’s what makes me a reviewer nobody cares what I think, a word is a word, a point towards greater sales.

True or not, a word I feel is more than that, I don’t know whether I heard this or dreamed it, but Words Destroy More Than Bombs, you know that is going to be a new rule. No one “person” should have all that power, and then I think to myself, I look at myself, I believe in a word, SKEEVY, and I have been trying to define Will ever since my name, shall I say What A Wonderful Word.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 188 ~Let’s Remake The World~

WillLeave a comment

The ideas have to get out some way, but I don’t want to be the only one that ever sees them but if anything I’m not a nice guy so is there such a thing as a dirty word? Let’s Remake The World, but not like that.

Friday, January 5, 2018

Lesson 188 ~Let’s Remake The World~

Hey Lady Sophia,
No Fear, as we both know I hate change be it success or failure, first you have to put yourself out there and for now, there are three ideas in my head

LIGHTEN UP, it’s about a killer that operates with fire, I’m sure there’s one done before, but it’s always good news when I can’t honestly think of a comparison. The world nowadays lacks originality without a doubt but how dangerous it is to be different in this day and age or any for that matter. Especially when all my works come back to sex, I imagine a woman being burned by the spotlight, flames if she doesn’t do what she’s asked. Yeah, I’m looking to be a banned book like my current read “The Director.”

What was it I said about being original though, I read a story prompt about a father who has four daughters that all represent the four horsemen of the apocalypse; I think that’s worth a bit of research Lady Sophia. I can’t say I know where I’m going with it yet but when has that ever stopped me before, honestly my last story just went on and on, and I still have yet to answer the question, what I’m going to do with it. There are still bad memories of my whole math fiasco, and that is what my novels are, just moving the problem from one place to another without any real solution naturally.

CRIME’S UP, yet another working title of course, but I was thinking about a hitman that would be up to kill anybody even if he must make them indulge some sin to earn their death. Of course, most of these crimes will be second circle offenses, how we are so influenced by what is going on in our lives as of late don’t you think? One story about the fire because it’s been so cold, another from Pinterest, now that was quite a scare worth writing about, and a third because again I’m fighting my nature as always and of course I’m quite the sinner.

As for the novel I’m reading as I said, Lily White got banned from Amazon and apparently everywhere else how can I expect to make money if I follow the same path? Being a writer though Lady Sophia isn’t just about the money; shall I have much higher aspirations, a thought Let’s Remake The World.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 181 ~Read Me, Read You~

WillLeave a comment

Sometimes we get to read and sometimes we are the ones whose words do something, anything, not that I have been doing much of either; yeah what else would I call 26 books and a 50,000-word novel right? Read Me, Read You.

Friday, December 29, 2017

Lesson 181 ~Read Me, Read You~

Hey Lady Sophia,
No Fear because you will know exactly where to find me, or at least where I wish you would see me because I can be a pretty scary guy and not just in fiction strangely enough. As the saying goes, sticks and stones will break my bones but words, well don’t get me started on words, according to the date I found myself writing July 3rd again.

That’s where you’ll find me getting upset with “her” words after leaving my own, and then writing more, baring myself and simultaneously burying myself deeper and deeper. Just one more girl who hates me and I’m sure I’ll find another one next year, my fingers much like my tongue need only focus on survival and nothing else, like saying what I feel because that’s usually wrong. One of the mysteries of life perhaps, if you put your foot in your mouth what do you do with your fingers, oh yeah maybe I should stop that.

Speaking of which, according to Goodreads you’ll find me in the erotica section, fourteen out of twenty-five and that’s from my reading group, and I don’t even talk to those people, to be honest, Lady Sophia. Of the people I do talk to, seven more are some authors that only wanted a review; sometimes I get the feeling that I’m just some tool, again these fingers of mine I should be doing anything else to keep busy isn’t that right? Which leaves four, two trying to make something of myself, one was a reread, and another I read for the joy of reading, and people wonder why we don’t read anymore, the pleasure, the rapture.

Sometimes I find that in my writing and when is the last time I focused on that; not since Nanowrimo, so January is going to be one hell of a month isn’t it, I barely survived November, and I had to pound a 5-hour ENERGY to be here with you today. I honestly need to do more writing, and I would call that a new year’s resolution but also a simple statement of fact truthfully.

Last but not least I hope you’ll find me there unafraid, of censorship, of knowing myself, and maybe not alone… “hope” like “love” is another word I should know how to define; a girl that can Read Me, Read You.

I Will Have No Fear

Lesson 143 ~You Want A Medal~

WillLeave a comment

The dog needs me around though I don’t know why he stays, maybe he sees something I don’t and nobody else does but maybe someday “she” might or so I ask myself why I still believe. You Want A Medal, maybe something pretty, three little words, a ring?

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Lesson 143 ~You Want A Medal~

Dear Future Wife:
No Fear, for that alone you probably deserve one, though I don’t know if I would be quite pleased or somewhat worried because you might be just a little bit crazier than I an. Do I need the incentive to love you, no but should I explain why I do, I suppose it’s indeed fortunate that you chose to love a writer but do I have all the time in the world?

I’m sure I will tell you every day, not just because I want to or need to, so many words in the English language and I can’t help but wonder who chose those three but why will I say then, because you’re you… Could I do just as well with I want you, I need you, I believe in you, would I want you to explain such things to me and what would be your incentive? I wish I could do as Elton John and write you a song or any of the plethora of things he mentions and I will do what I can do regardless but to quote another song “fear is the heart of love” scary huh?

The things any man would do to keep you and yet here I am the one and I think you’ll have to do everything in your power to stop me. Take my hand in yours to stop me from buying pretty much everything your heart desires because how I want to believe it is me… You’ll have to shut me up with kisses, who knows, on one hand, you’ll be saving my life because my heart might be right out of my chest and on the other I can’t breathe.

You give me everything reason to love you and I’ll always believe that you deserve more, I’ll reach for you in the night, I’ll tremble, when the house settles I’ll still worry not about some bill collector, or thief, well maybe the woman who stole my heart. How some think calling a man a dog is a bad thing, I might always have this thing they call puppy love for you, hopeless devoted, so sad.

Already I don’t know if that’s too much or not enough but after all, you are still here beside me and I just have to ask, You Want A Medal?

I Will Have No Fear