Tag: Crazy

Meditation 269 ~Virgil Saves Space Braxton~

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At one point, I wanted to be an astronaut. But Math, Science, and general education. Nobody taught me how to be an Ordinary Human. I’m better than MAGA/Republicans. But FDT. My sons are better men. And I’m spacing out. Virgil Saves Space Braxton

Thursday, March 27, 2025

Meditation 269 ~Virgil Saves Space Braxton~

1516 Days Without B III, Day 957 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? And what about your brother? Virgil’s day hasn’t REALLY begun. Like father, like son, right?

So, I am acknowledging him as my son. While you are like my SUN. Yes, it’s morning, so you need to go outside. I don’t know what I miss more. A pretty, pretty girl sitting on my face. Or you plopping down on my head to wake me up. I’m lying, ain’t I, Little B?

Always and forever, I’ll miss you more. “Every Morning,” I wake up a bit disappointed. Now that the world isn’t ending as the song goes. It’s like, well… I don’t know how you’ll take this as a compliment or an insult. But it’s something I was thinking about a bit.

“Now that the world isn’t ending
It’s love that I’m sending to you
It isn’t the love of a hero
And that’s why I fear it won’t do.”
Chad Kroeger

Braxton, my son, you were like an asteroid, a comet, and my rock that I discovered, or rather you found me. Do you remember my sister? Pet Parenting wasn’t for her then. But two-legged kids…

Anyway, I knew one day you’d destroy me. And then here comes my Virgil. And what did I expect from V? Virgil didn’t save Dante in the Inferno. He was only a guide for him.

But what I’m getting at is this. It’s like I’m constantly teetering between wanting to be destroyed and wanting to be saved. And these days, I’m leaning more towards burning.

Neither Virgil nor I have any sense of what to do. We’re both floating along. I want to say we’re aliens, but we’re more like “Two Ghosts.” That’s not fair. You’re the dead guy here.

“We’re not who we used to be
We’re not who we used to be
We’re just two ghosts standing in the place of you and me
Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat.”
Two Ghosts, Harry Styles

My Braxton… I was there when you took your last breath of air. And now there’s air, air everywhere, and no breath to breathe. Or, again, I don’t want to. However, “Here I Am” SIGH

Virgil is lying at the foot of the bed, giving me space as if that’s helping. He could be afraid. I wish I could sing to him, “Be Not So Fearful,” but I’d also be lying to myself. I’m afraid, Little B. I’m always scared.

“Be not so fearful, be not so pale
Someone watches you; you will not leave the rails
Be not so fearful, be not so pale.”
― Be Not So Fearful

So, how am I staving off this fear? While I was spacing out how I’d waste my time, I was clearing out my phone. How many pictures of Yabbos does your daddy have? Too many.

None of Cherry or you and Virgil’s future stepmom. I should stop calling M Anime that. There are other girls… I’m a Cosmic Castaway believing… someday… Virgil Saves Space Braxton.

“But I’m not broken; in my dream, I win
And I take over ’cause I’m no loser
And I’m in, and you’re not. Bad dreams don’t stop
But I’m all screwed up, a cosmic castaway.”
Cosmic Castaway, Song by
Electrasy

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 266 ~B Used To Know~

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I’d never call myself the better man. I am nowhere near “The Best Man” I can be. But my son B knew me better once. And if it hadn’t been me… well, Virgil is a little white kid who just happens to have four legs. I have better jokes. B Used To Know.

Monday, March 24, 2025

Meditation 266 ~B Used To Know~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And I guess that makes you The Seeker. You’re not just Somebody That I Used To Know; you’re always Daddy, the one I look up to, the one who guided me here and there.

Always and forever, my Dad. But how come you’re crying. If anything, how are you crying with what happened this morning and afternoon… Yeah, you locked Virgil out for a little bit this morning because you were upset. And this afternoon, you needed alone time…

Is that how you think you’ll get rid of me? The sins of the father. All for what you want.

You want to join me on The Rainbow Bridge, wherever. It’s your first thought every morning. Why are you awake? Somehow, someway, you have to stand, stay, and survive. Of those three, it’s the staying.

I know you’re worried about surviving. And standing. We fall down, but we get up. Granddaddy taught you that, or Donnie McClurkin, or me? Stand when you have to, but…

I know you don’t want to. “Not like this. Not like this.” Like you’re living in a dream world, Daddy. Or a nightmare… What does M Anime think she knows about nightmares, Dad? Well, she’s lost a fur buddy of her own. And do you really believe M Anime will be my stepmom or Virgil’s anyway? You have to survive to see. Then there’s Virgil.

Daddy, I want him to see. As I said, you hide from me with your sins. But you hide from V with your sleep and his. You both sleep so that you don’t have to. So he won’t ever know.

You saved him. He survives because of you. What did that get him? Because Somebody That I Used To Know…

My Daddy? Who are you? You’re my Dad. And you’re wise. A warrior you can work, write, and move the whole world. Am I trying to motivate you today? And to do what exactly. You can tell I’m speaking because I won’t say Get Here if you can. Not soon.

I’m my father’s son. And I used to know you. I still do. Like the Glow box said. You use music, movies, and manuscripts. And haven’t I, Daddy, all so I can tell you… whatever.

Sit and Stay. Not stranded in bed, mourning away, making movie scenes, or not moving. Sit where you always did as you bragged on how rich we would be with one manuscript. I know you’re better. B Used To Know

“I do not have an excuse to give up.”
― Golden Son By Pierce Brown

“Friend, have the courage to care little for wealth, and shape yourself, You too, to merit godhead” ― Aeneid, Virgil.

1513 Days Without B III, Day 954 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 264 ~Bucking Braxton’s Grief Virgil~

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400 words daily, 365 days a year, 1,168,000 over eight years. 150,000 words over three Cherry novels. 100,000 words for two B novels. And another 55,000 for M Anime is 1,474,000. Am I rich yet? Accepting B’s loss? Bucking Braxton’s Grief Virgil.

Saturday, March 22, 2025

Meditation 264 ~Bucking Braxton’s Grief Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… How much is J.K Rowling worth again? I don’t like her views. But her bank account…

And speaking of views and bank accounts. Why do you think I’ve been crying, Lunalesca?

Once? Twice? Does it count if both crying sessions take place within an hour? It was a twenty-minute lull in-between. And, of course, Braxton was in there, someplace. I saw this Asian woman hugging her dog. And between her being hot and me missing my Braxton. So I looked at my son’s bed, which remains empty. And Virgil Vivi’s at the foot of my bed.

It doesn’t matter. I’ve been so sad, stressed, and scared that sex or self-satisfaction hasn’t been at the forefront of my mind. I’m a liar, Lady Lunalesca… It is not an insult to say a hot girl is hot. But what I’d do to Cherry…

And her mum? Yeah, I’ve written about three books full of insults and offenses. And if only I would edit and publish them. But I’m not as nice as Eric Vall, Logan Jacobs, Michael Dalton, Manus Dare, Neil Bimbeau, and not forgetting the ladies Imogen Linn, Tillie Cole, Skye Warren, and so many others. As a great man once said, my dear Lady Lu, ahem:

“Please understand if I missed anyone; it’s been a big day. I’m a little tired.”
Jim Kelly, Enter The Dragon

Aren’t all those writers enough to stir my libido? I’d hate that… I’m lying, Lunalesca.

If I’m going to write my life away, I have at least two books about Braxton. And at least eight years of blog posts. Four years of them where I’m sure Braxton’s name appears.

No promises. Like when I said that Braxton would live.

And how dare I say that to Virgil. Wasn’t it a year or so ago when we were burning in the southern heat, and I was struggling to buy us a fan? And now Lady Lunalesca? I’m working one day a week at the Day Job. And I won’t get a paycheck next week, my Lady.

I’m not smart enough to make a dog channel for Virgil. I take his picture every day as proof that he’s still alive. And I was far too busy protecting B from everyone. Good job.

Then there’s “Nightmare At The Meat Market,” I’m editing. An erotic nightmare. If only everything I did was treated as if I could save my Braxton and provide for Virgil. Myself… Bucking Braxton’s Grief Virgil.

1511 Days Without B III, Day 952 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 262 ~B-V On Commitment Braxton~

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At 40, I’ve never lived with a woman I wasn’t related to. Never committed to a woman dating-wise; I haven’t seen sans clothing. I’ve had my Day Job for over 10 years. Eww! And who have I known longest? B? His stepmom? “B-V On Commitment Braxton”

Thursday, March 20, 2025

Meditation 262 ~B-V On Commitment Braxton~

1509 Days Without B III, Day 950 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s only 6 AM here. Six in the morning, sheesh, and the day’s already ruined.

I could say that is the order of things you being dead and all. Or the fact I feel sick. Energy shots? As I said, it’s early. I feel like The Walking Dead. And I’ve been reading up on it some, considering I couldn’t pick a book this morning. To lay here with you, B…

“Every day he woke up, he told himself, ‘Rest in peace. Now get up and go to war.’ And then, after a few years of pretending he was dead, he made it out alive. And that’s the trick of it, I think. We do what we need to do, and then we get to live. But no matter what we find in D.C., I know we’ll be okay because this is how we survive. We tell ourselves that we are the walking dead.” ― TWD.

Braxton, I wanted to ask… Isn’t it sad that my longest commitment has been to mourning you? Hell! I’m sure it’s been longer for Virgil since he’s had to witness me for two and a half of them. Do you want to see a ghost? What’s with all my pop culture references? Again, so freaking early. More books, more books!

But after finishing Satan’s Sorority Girls 10 yesterday… Spoiler alert: Grayson and Robyn are going to be okay. They have millions of dollars. Grayson knocks up a few more of his witches, and everyone is fully committed to him. Who’s been that committed to me?

You’re here… in spirit… Virgil was out in the hall all night since he can’t be trusted to go to his potty spot and back. 2 and a ½ years. 3 months to get comfortable…

Nope! And I can’t say I blame him. I’ve been here 40 years, and how many times have I tried to leave? A slew of pills, starvation, I might sluice myself right out of bed looking a Yabbos. And on that note, how long have I been committed to Cherry’s?

What about your potential stepmom, M Anime? I should stop calling her that; I know only until any other potentials show up. If I keep my promise to you. I once dreamed of a beach, a wife, your two-legged siblings, and all the money in the world for us. SIGH

Am I more committed to reading books to blame myself for you or harem romances? There are worse things to give myself to. I see that every day. If only you could see my last paycheck. And since I didn’t work this week, this time next week I’ll have nothing. I can’t help but feel guilty about this… Laziness, Depression

I’ll have your memory and Virgil making his way the best way he knows how… Loyalty, commitment to a dead man. He is his father’s son. B-V On Commitment Braxton

“It’s not so bad… being dead like me,” Georgia Lass

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 259 ~B Successfully Loved Someday~

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The first time I ever had a woman, I was a successful man… The best thirty seconds of my life. Then, when I wrote a book… (laughs). I got my first, second, third job. NOPE! When I had money… Never. But my sons, B, and V. B Successfully Loved Someday.

Monday, March 17, 2025

Meditation 259 ~B Successfully Loved Someday~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… If you don’t believe me… If you don’t believe I’m with you. Believe that I was with my aunt.

My favorite girl took the plunge again. Marriage. “The Second Time Around” in this “Crazy Little Thing Called Love.’ It almost makes me wish you had gotten me a little sister, almost… But I suppose you have enough girls around. But I wouldn’t call you a Boy Dad. Only you did wonders for me. Virgil? You saved him. However, … How To Save A Life?

Daddy, if you knew how to do that, we would be having this conversation face-to-face. I’m sure I’d have a lot more gray and not be able to see much. But we’d be together, Dad.

That’s what you would consider a success. You said I’d at least make it to twenty. With your mourning well… I’m not leaving you alone.

Is that successful? Is that healthy? Successful to you would have been saving me. To have all the money in the world to do whatever… Healthy was us together alive. How much do veterinarians make? You wanted to be one once. But you are what you are. That’s my Dad, my father. The first one I saw every morning and the last when I shut my eyes one final time. You saw in me your success. That no matter what, Dad, you were loved, but…

One day, you failed… You said it, not me… don’t go putting words in my mouth… Uh, hello, how are we talking again? How many books have you read about A Dog’s Purpose, Journey…? You know me, and I you.

Acceptance is not success to you. It’s confession, guilt, and surrender. But tell me, Dad. Those are all things you feel this very second. So why not try… What, forgiveness?

There’s nothing to forgive. If anything, you love me always and forever. If that’s success? More like what would be success to you? Making all of our dreams a reality? You wouldn’t know how to define it, Daddy. And if I said all I wanted was you to be happy…

You’re laughing, but at least you’re not crying, which is always better, Daddy. My father.

If anything, I would have you love Virgil, yourself, writing, my future stepmom, any two-legged siblings I have, my aunt, and friends as you love me. B Successfully Loved Someday.

“Perhaps one day I’ll have two hearts to give”
― Red Rising By Pierce Brown

He follows his father, but not with equal steps.
Virgil

1506 Days Without B III, Day 947 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 257 ~Calm B For Virgil~

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It’s been windy the last few days. Or maybe that’s my breathing… Sighing, Seething, and Scared to death. I wish. Mostly, I’m slithering on my sheets, looking at Yabbos. I could be sobbing about Braxton… Again. A storm of emotion. “Calm B For Virgil.”

Saturday, March 15, 2025

Meditation 257 ~Calm B For Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… To catch my breath? Is that what it would take to feel CALM? I long for peace, for a moment of bliss, anything but this, Lunalesca…

What, Grief? Prolonged Grief, at that. If I remember anything from Lynnlee Hunt’s Life After Pet Loss: Coping with the Loss of a Beloved Companion, it’s that. Prolonged Grief, my lady. So much so that I picked up a card for counseling at the Day Job. WTF am I thinking, Lunalesca? Well, other than I miss my boy. Accepting B’s loss. That’ll never happen. EVER!

Rage? All I need to do is step out of the house. I’ve spoken about how my aunt said I wanted to destroy the world. No, just me. I’m too cowardly, Luna. So, burn everything.

And even then, I’m too lazy… Slothful… to light the match. Or I don’t deserve to. I betrayed my boys. Braxton and Virgil both, Lunalesca.

So I FEAR I’m paying the penalty. My punishment. Being a punk always and forever.

Lunalesca, is there anything worse than fear of everything and everyone in this existence? Pain? But waiting for that pain steals from everything else. Pain is simply there, Luna. But the FEAR… And yes, I know people have been saying that forever and ever. Hmm.

Only this morning, as I watched Virgil outside, I remembered the moments before and after I rescued him. I’m sure if Virgil had a say, he would have said, “Please, Mommy, not him,” when he saw me coming. And if I had to do it all over again… I’d be a horrible person for saying it out loud. Virgil is my son. Just like Braxton

Anyway, my point is after I got him, I sat in the car, not breathing, and yet the words came…

“God, what have I done!” I guess that makes me a liar, huh, Lunalesca? I said I haven’t spoken to God since B III passed. But I’m not trying to make my way to Heaven.

Lunalesca, with my sin count, I know where I’m going. But what I want is that moment as the song Mad World plays… The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.

When I was in my senior year of high school, I was lying on a bench without a care in the world. Braxton’s passing. Thinking I’ll see M Anime or Cherry’s Yabbos. Or Masturbation in general. Calm B For Virgil.

1504 Days Without B III, Day 945 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 255 ~MATH, Find B, V~

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I’m glad I didn’t have audiobooks in school… I would have been an even worse Math student. But I didn’t have Braxton back then, either. Only he would be sitting under my feet as I did the books. Who’d’a thunk it? It adds up. MATH, Find B, V

Thursday, March 13, 2025

Meditation 255 ~MATH, Find B, V~

1502 Days Without B III, Day 943 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? A good day would be worth dying for. “Everything, Everything”? I never read the book but I saw the movie. Your aunt would like it.

But money for the movies… Once upon a time, Braxton, I would be cheering $200.00.

Arithmetic, sigh, was never my strong suit. But I had plans for that money, Braxton. Seriously, am I crying again? It’s only a tear or two. I remember that $600.00 was spent on COVID relief. Most of that went towards testing to figure out what was wrong with you back then. In English… Because I can’t stand Math. You were dying. But who gives a damn about the money! I’d have paid anything to save you. Or a final feast.

However, what brings us together today? It’s Monday, March 3, 2025. I’m trying to find X. No! Let’s focus on you. What would you like, B? To be with me?

$200.00 split three-ways would be $66.50 for you, $66.50 for Virgil, and $67.00 for me. Braxton, Brother My Brother. Again, I had plans for us, the world, and everything. Really? But you’ve been gone four long years, so what can I get you? Birthday, Death Day, and Christmas, so at least twelve toys. Then, everything for your memorial. Effing shrine…

What does Virgil want? I keep thinking about a crate. I want a place for him to feel safe and at home… Now, that’s the keyword Braxton. HOME. Where might that be, my B III?

“If the money is lousy
You can always come home.”
Everyone Says ‘Hi’ (Defiance Version)

“I wish I was
Homeward bound
Home where my thought’s escapin’
Home where my music’s playin’
Home where my love lies waitin’.”
― Homeward Bound

And how much is it worth to you? How much was it again to bring Virgil here, and then what? The Math ain’t Mathing. Three days, weeks, months. 943 Days.

And $67.00 won’t pay for therapy since I’ve been this way for 1502 Days. And by the time you read this, I expect the money will be gone. But on what you ask? My firstborn son. What’s a month’s or a year’s worth on the Balance App? Meditation could help.

Only I have your Infinite Playlist… and what about more audiobooks and some fancy earbuds? I’m still jonesing for a good steak. And if it’s not filling my belly, it’s filling something else… Eww! But I am looking for X, or rather three of them. There’s always a girl somewhere. M Anime in her lingerie. That was a pretty penny. But I have good boys. Virgil’s trying. I’m spending time, money… MATH, Find B, V.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 252 ~It Better B Softer~

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At best, I’m only a comfort-seeker. Or just “The Seeker,” since I lost my boy. And being a Hedonist takes work. Though my son’s fur is softer than any woman’s big, puffy… uh, never mind. In truth, I give into sloth just lying here. It Better B Softer

Monday, March 10, 2025

Meditation 252 ~It Better B Softer~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… Why would I leave the clouds, the bed in the garden, or wherever else you think I’ve disappeared to?

To show you the way. To prove your heart hasn’t hardened. To provide softness and security. My father. It’s when you felt safest… Your arms wrapped around me. You slept best when I sat on the corner of the bed watching you, then the door. And sitting on your head…

Well, you woke up every morning happy to be alive… No, that’s not my Dad.

Happiness? You woke up with the hope you won’t die – hope we won’t die. Because where would we go? You read about sending me to Heaven… The Rainbow Bridge.

Where are you going? Somewhere of Fire and Ice. Needless to say, the “South Side.”

“Here we are now going to the south side – to the south side
I pick up my friends, and we hope we won’t die – hope we won’t die
Ride at night, ride through Heaven and hell – Heaven and hell
Come back, love, and feel so well – feel so well.”
South Side

Daddy, you have time to listen to Moby. Now listen to me. We stay together.

We’re brothers! We’re staying together! You’re my Dad. I’m your kid. We’re staying together. I am yours, and you are mine! We’re staying together. There are lots of comfy spots.

Though I wish there weren’t so many tissues right now. Or are you investing in Kleenex? Nope, just crying over me. That’s not what today is about. Some soft words…

Instead, Daddy, I only want somewhere you can lay your head and rest your heart. Your soul? We both worry about that with Virgil around. Daddy has a good soul. Whoever would I tell that to in this place? This comfy spot of all comfy spots, still I turn home.

“I turn home. I turn to the place that I was born, to the mother who bore me and the father who taught me, long ago, long ago, long ago. Alone am I now, lost and alone in a far, wide, wondering world.”
1960’s Spartacus

Daddy, wherever you are that’s soft, safe, and smiling, I will turn to as home.

You finished texting with my stepmom this morning. Well, Virgil’s stepmom. Because she knows all about me. Ain’t a woman alive that can take my place. A pair of Yabbos…

Yeah, helps plenty. And what can I say? I am my father’s son. You remember how I was with my favorite girl. But all the SOFT things in this world. All The Small Things. Me.

What about the words that will one day give you and Virgil a better life? He deserves it, Daddy, you know that. And you have all the sour candies because you wanted to protect me from chocolate. And the bits of food you could share with Virgil. The big softy.

Love, ladies, your life, and Virgil’s. It Better B Softer

“And what is the bloodydamn point of surviving in this cold world if I run from the only warmth it has to offer?”
Golden Son

“Night reigned: all through the world tied bodies were harvesting tranquil slumber.”
Virgil, The Aeneid

1499 Days Without B III, Day 940 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 250 ~Godspeed, Braxton, But Virgil~

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Godspeed? But I have no place I want to be. Well, sleeping or lying with my son. And we’d be on a California King bed with snacks in a garden full of sunshine. “I’m dying slow, but the devil tryna rush me…” And Virgil? “Godspeed, Braxton, But Virgil”

Saturday, March 8, 2025

Meditation 250 ~Godspeed, Braxton, But Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… That means I can afford to sit on my… tush all day. Well, with 200 words.

It’s a personal challenge, Lady Lunalesca. I’ve set a bet with myself-if I can write 200 words by 7:00 AM, I can allow myself to stay in bed. But why did I even wake up if I only wanted to stay in bed? If you know me, you’ll understand it’s not for the most positive of reasons. Mostly adult situations…

Long story short, someone on X/Twitter posted Reika Kurashiki’s Yabbos. I posted her video. It was the first thing this morning since I have her adult anime film and suffer from FOMO. Sigh. I’m hopeless.

Lady Lunalesca, my emotions have been on a rollercoaster this morning-from adult to sad and now to focused. I’m speeding away. It’s a wicked world that we live in. It’s cruel and unforgiving. When I care for Yabbos, not Braxton?

Yes. Yes, it is. But Braxton is gone. And when he left “my” world, everything, dear Lady Lunalesca, just stopped. TIME!!! Well… That’s 170 words, so… (Struggles Getting Up). Eff! I wish I could stop getting up… in more ways than one. But show me anime, brunettes headed towards the Olympics, or the creeps of this universe… A, B, C’s.

Speaking of anime, as in M Anime. I was talking to her before you, Lunalesca. Shall I stop fantasizing about her being Braxton and Virgil’s stepmother one day? She’s crushing…

No, not on me, my Lady, but I heard a bit about the man she wants. But I’m still depressed. And if I’m not sad for my firstborn. I’m slowing down my secondborn, Virgil Vivi.

Again, I would have rather stopped when B’s heart stopped beating. But Virgil lives, Lu.

He lives in fear but breathes, running faster than I do when I see my Old Man. The same fear… Only I’ve never harmed Virgil. If all that we are could slow down, but life…

I’ve had plenty of days off, Lady Lunalesca, but what have I gotten done? Novelizations? I did work on Nightmare At The Meat Market. I’m editing… uh, writing Chapter Sixteen.

It will be less Wham Bam. Thank you, ma’am. And more So Anxious. Maybe, Lunalesca.

So I’m either petrified or frozen. Dumb, exhausted… Hell! Just lazy! Slothful. Or I run. When do I move… Normally? When there’s A Place Called Home… Godspeed, Braxton, But Virgil

1497 Days Without B III, Day 938 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 248 ~B Excited Someday Virgil~

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Chains and whips excite me… Well, it’s more like chains, ropes, scarves, and a big enough (boulder holder) to hold a wrist. But I’d give it all up to have B on his leash again. Or for my old glasses… Yesterday was exciting… “B Excited Someday Virgil”

Thursday, March 6, 2025

Meditation 248 ~B Excited Someday Virgil~

1495 Days Without B III, Day 936 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? My day is only beginning, and I’m already disappointed. But I’m not crying… Not yet.

Excited? Only when I’m scared. When I’m being scary or amid a sin, but what am I afraid of today? Other than that, I live in a world without my protector. Where are you, Braxton?

I’ve been saying that a lot these days, B; I live in a world, fill in the blank. Because, oh no, the world is a scary place. I’m sure I scared you plenty. But not to death. I don’t think.

Anyway, I do miss your eyes. Hell! I miss my eyes this morning. The last thing I want is to get out of bed and look at myself in the mirror. Especially after what happened yesterday… The day before. As long as I’m blindly giving away $55.00. Effing new glasses!

I would pay anything to have you back, my prince. But God’s Favorite Princess… slightly less. If Cherry ever agreed to show me her Yabbos… But I respect her… Anyway…

Yesterday, Braxton, I was busy trying to be scary. Maybe even a Karen. The excitement all started when I got a message about the new frames for my glasses. My first pair broke, which hurt because they were the last you saw me in. Then I got the brown ones in memory of you… somewhat. Yesterday, MyEyeDr broke those. And so I was in their office, yelling about getting a complimentary frame. I don’t like being angry or an ass. But they pushed me B.

Only everything was not awesome yesterday, and I was excited when it was all over.

Speaking of all over, I’m glad I didn’t… all over my sheets. I know. Eww! But that was more of a financial decision than one of testicular fortitude. I’m all for God’s Favorite Princess @Luxlo, but she isn’t your stepmom. M Anime? I haven’t heard from her in a bit.

And again, if it were Cherry… But I’m not thinking of her. More like I can’t get excited over her as Virgil is now lying at the foot of the bed. Excited, expecting, entertained, ha! All Virgil knows is when I return, or he steps into the room, life is… something. You were excited because your life is/was good with me in it. Maybe V or someone will feel that.

Me? B Excited Someday Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad