Tag: Rage

Tale 228 ~Valentines B To V~

WillLeave a comment

Be my Valentine? Or, as I asked M Anime. Do you want to be my Valentine? With B, it was, get in the car. With some girls, it was, here’s $300. Let’s see some yabbos. For myself, “Don’t die.” “You have a kid.” But something’s missing Valentines B To V

Wednesday, February 14, 2024

Tale 228 ~Valentines B To V~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. Is there anything worse than not doing right by love? “You Always Hurt the One You Love.” Right?

Then Virgil is going to live forever. Am I REALLY going to start today like this? Inspector, what was yesterday? Braxton’s 19th birthday. One more day down. One more testament. It’s like me being thirty-nine. I figured that Braxton would make it to twenty. Five years, Inspector. Braxton was supposed to have a mom. He would have a big yard to patrol in his old age. And he would be a big brother. And where am I on that front? Well, Virgil is here. But “Is This Love?” I can ask that about plenty, Inspector; B III, M Anime, myself.

Love lies bleeding… Like the toxins in Braxton’s little body. And the chemicals that ended his suffering. The chocolates and CREAM for M Anime. Tears…

Echo, you tell me that yesterday was about crying over “Someone You Loved. But now?

I know I should be a better man than this. I asked M Anime to be my Valentine. And I wonder if I met her before I met my Little B III. Talk about the cart before the horse, ha.

Okay, Inspector, that’s an example of things I shouldn’t say on this Holy day. Valentines… I’m not moving Braxton’s ghost off the bed. And I’m not making love to a beautiful woman, either. I swear, Inspector, today’s another morning. I’m not a father or lover. Valentine? Even though I asked her Inspector, I’m trying to figure out what that means.

Only I think I’m getting that whole; love yourself first…

But then again, I’ve never loved myself. But I loved the hell out of my little boy. And how did that turn out for Braxton again? That’s what one gets when they love me, Inspector.

And the things that I’ve been thinking about M Anime? Why do you think I’m up so early on a workday talking to you, Inspector? I’m hot, horny, and I want to do something to make M Anime happy. Because as the song goes, “I ain’t happy, I’m feeling glad.” Is that because “Somewhere Out There,” someone is thinking about me, Inspector Echo? Positively? Hmm.

Like A, W, X, Y, Z, something’s missing, Dear Inspector.

The love of my boys? A good woman? What about sex? Valentines B To V
1109 Days Without B III, Day 550 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 225 ~WILL B Gaming Virgil~

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“Can we go out and play,” B III would ask whenever I was writing, wasting game characters or waking up. And then he got ancient. B’s 19th birthday is on Tuesday, but he only saw 15th. And 2V? Does V even know how to play? “WILL B Gaming Virgil.”

Sunday, February 11, 2024

Tale 225 ~WILL B Gaming Virgil~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror. No helmet, face paint, or even tears. You’re not watching football “per se.” Or invading the Capital.

And Braxton? I cried about him a little yesterday. And you’ll cry buckets on Tuesday. Wednesday will be a crapshoot. You’re not looking for love from any chick. Virgil’s here. V has safety, security, and something in Braxton’s dish. But Love? There should be more!

I mean that. And yes, I blame myself. When Braxton was here, you could pretend you were an average guy. There should be buffalo wings, shrimp, chips with salsa, everything.

Hell! Braxton was\is everything. You don’t know whether you want this damn month to be over. But then again, since you continue to count the days since Braxton’s passing… 1106 days and counting. I’m glad that you have better Math skills than I did last week with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined… Red Rising, Possibly?
    Completed… Red Rising, Backyard Dungeon 5
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Yes, it was a HARD week. Will you ever stop making jokes like that? According to your bank account, you should. But no. You can’t buy “Backyard Dungeon 6.” Entertainment? You will find little of that today. Unless the STUPID Bowl commercials have improved this year. Again, why can’t you enjoy a bunch of muscled millionaires making their way up and down the field? Or at least find the time to play a video game. Or even just read about it? Besides checking for cash, you look for books to read. So what’s next? Hmm.

There’s “Princess Tamer” and “Golden Son.” THEY won’t be talking about real women or your son. Only you can write about them. But your “Lazy Ass” with Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined… Princess Tamer Collection?
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You can’t be a regular guy. And be excited for what today will bring. Well, here come the tears. You’ve given up on being positive. Your son’s lack of existence and your continuing to do so. No wonder you need a distraction. Because I know I had plenty. But you?

Are you looking for advice? There are two things I want to say. But an energy shot is stopping one. And Braxton’s “Shrine” sits above the second. Braxton’s Life Matters, that’s how you end things every day. Your son’s memory, manuscript, and the man, the Dad he loves. What happened to that man? Virgil asks that or dreams about it.

No advice but a question. “Can You Come Out and Play?” WILL B Gaming Virgil

1106 Days Without B III, Day 547 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 222 ~B Plus Death Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

If today was your last day… Well, whenever I fall asleep, I wish, pray, or dream, I never get up. But when my B was here… I imagined we’d fall together in battle. We could ride out the apocalypse. Or lose our minds together, B Plus Death Virgil.

Thursday, February 8, 2024

Tale 222 ~B Plus Death Virgil~

1103 Days Without B III, Day 544 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? You know the lie I tell everyone. I’m Here. And not watching you die. Again…

Do you ever think about it, Braxton? It’s one of those things I constantly railed about. Inevitably, B, I’d come back to the house and talk about the Day Job I’d quit if I ever could.

There’d be all the dreams that I shared with you. Braxton, I lacked massive cash. Sometimes, we would be all father to son. I’d warn you about your Aunt’s “Cantaloupes.”

Or I was hoping you did something “crazy” so I could send you to your room and look at some… Cantaloupes. I imagine how the critic feels about that word. But you know, Braxton. Melons! Hell! You taught me the best breasts, legs, and thighs came in a bucket.

But my Braxton, O Brother, Where Art Thou? O Death!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VoIebIKNS4s

Death? Your Old Man believes in a lot of things. But never death coming for you, my only son. If V wasn’t such a scaredy cat, I’m sure he’d give me your patented look. Remember?

“I’m right here, friend… Dad?”

If I had faith in anything B, it was this. You will not die. And we’re here three years later.

And if you ask me what brought this on. A lack of sleep and the book Red Rising, my B.

Now, this is more of a conversation for Lady Sophia than you. But you know your Dad doesn’t believe in coincidence. I didn’t listen to you in life. But I look for you in death.

So, I was reading about Pax dying to protect Darrow. Darrow called Pax a titan. Now, people have been calling you an angel. And like “The Road,” to THEM, you’re an angel, but to me, you were/are a god, Braxton.

But wait! They say your “kind” looks to humans as gods. And what could defeat the gods, I ask you? Titans. The gods defeated the Titans eventually but look at humanity, Braxton. Your Old Man?

I wish I could say I’m only a boy who misses his “dog.” How dare I? But I’m the devil.

I don’t care how I die, B. As long as it ain’t drowning. Tell me that would bring you back…

How did you think you would die? Brave, bold, beautiful? Not begging me to stay. Daddy’s B Plus Death Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 221 ~Path B For V~

WillLeave a comment

Where do I go? Hell! I need to focus on getting one foot out of bed, and then what? Even when B was dying and could barely see, he knew where he was going. That is until he was on his belly in the hospital, asking me to take him home. “Path B For V.”

Wednesday, February 7, 2024

Tale 221 ~Path B For V~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. Can you imagine what that feels like? To open your eyes and know you’re a sinner. Finding God…

If I ever did my Echo, I don’t know if I would laugh, cry, or get to swinging. Now, I could go into all the reasons to fight in this day and age, but here’s the sin besides waking up.

Gospel 221, Willing To Lie Braxton, three years ago Inspector.

One more day, where I admitted what had happened to Braxton. And with the critic being incapable of going backward. I had Braxton put to sleep because of Kidney Failure.

There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t remember him walking from his bed to his water bowl as he was dying. I brought his water to him. And Braxton’s bed was soaked all with the sickness that had overtaken my little son.

Which leads me to the paths I walk, Inspector. The first step is always out of my bed. Is it more of a sin to give in to my sloth? To know that every additional step is only to sin again. Or is it in knowing that “Every Little Step” I take signifies nothing? This Existence Inspector Echo is nothing. Again, I have three years to go off of. Writing about Braxton and me. Sigh

As I’m not Bobby Brown. Hell! How many girls have I gotten up for? Did I really just say that, Inspector? We’ll get there. But for fifteen years, when I woke up. “Hey Little B!”

Make Way For The King. And Braxton walked as my little prince. The world belonged to us, or it would.

That’s what his Daddy told him. And even when I was exhausted. Braxton would make sure to defend this castle, his home. I wish I could walk like that again. Is B watching me now?

What about with Saga 221 ~Y B V Gushes~? Hell! I didn’t want him to see his Dad like that. Though Braxton always had his toys. And then there was that talk about his Aunt. But that didn’t get him in as much trouble as other things. The things I would send him to his room for so I could… Anyway, his Daddy on his belly doesn’t compare to PetSmart.

The center aisle is still hard to tread. Braxton’s passing…

But getting out today? One step, Path B For V

1102 Days Without B III, Day 543 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 218 ~B’s Counting On V~

WillLeave a comment

I don’t bitch about, ban, or burn books because they’re “woke” Is the GOP still using that word? But if I ever came close, it would be a math book. Learning to count the money I don’t have, the boy I lost, or the boobs I’ve seen. “B’s Counting On V.”

Sunday, February 4, 2024

Tale 218 ~B’s Counting On V~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror. And besides looking at yourself, there are worse things? Braxton not breathing; your bank account and numbers…

You mean numbers in general, not just money. But yesterday didn’t help matters. As Lamar put it: “Give me just enough money for a little bottle of 40 ounce and a bucket of chicken on the way to the poor house, huh?” Replace 40 with Powerade. And bucket of chicken with a bag of tacos. Uh, like, you don’t have a box of chicken in the fridge either. I swear you need a better job. But did you see the Day Job schedule? I don’t think you’ll be seeing freedom anytime soon unless you drop dead sleeping. Not economically viable.

But again, money isn’t the main issue. Hell! Between January and February… Sunday, January 31, 2021 will always be the worse. Sunday’s Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined… Red Rising, Possibly?
    Completed Uh, Exodus by Imogen Linn
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Completed (Day 007 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

How could I focus? And how will you? Do you see what day it is? Sunday, February 4, 2024, sigh. But no, we’re talking three years ago. I survived two of the worst days of this existence. But don’t worry, little brother, there are more.

Thursday, February 4, 2021: Braxton’s Cremation
Wednesday, February 10, 2021: The Collection of Braxton’s Ashes
Saturday, February 13, 2021: Braxton’s 16th birthday, now 19th
Wednesday, February 14, 2024: Valentine’s Day

Are there any more days you need to be worried about? Besides the next two weeks with the Day Job. And speaking of being a man. You need to change the air filter soon. And if you have cash, Special K’s birthday is on the 25th. Nope! Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined… Red Rising, Possibly?
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 007, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

You haven’t talked to your former maid in years. Hell! If you were a “certain type” of man, you could write a book. And then speak on FOX News after Special K sues you. Ha!

Oh! And books! Are we not going to talk about how you read Exodus… Again, it was not the Bible but the one with uh nuns and priests, and it was only 53 pages long. You are lazy. Only there’s still Red Rising, which is 401 pages. What are you doing with this existence? Are you waiting for Satan’s Sorority Girls 5? And while you’re doing that, you’re sleeping. Fifteen Million Merits, NXT Vengeance Day today, and The STUPID Bowl on the 11th, too. Counting the days without Braxton… with Virgil? B’s Counting On V

1099 Days Without B III, Day 540 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 215 ~B For Virgil’s Freedom~

WillLeave a comment

While I’m listening to my son’s playlist, “Love Is A Long Road.” What about loss or living? There’s also something called Acceptance… No, it’s not happening! There is a term I have been hearing. Freedom… from what, for what? “B For Virgil’s Freedom.”

Thursday, February 1, 2024

Tale 215 ~B For Virgil’s Freedom~

1096 Days Without B III, Day 537 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I mean, today is only just beginning, and yesterday… Is this what they call ACCEPTANCE?

Three years and counting. And I should have done more B. I know. But wasn’t that the whole point? If I had listened to you that Wednesday. I could have scrapped the Day Job that Thursday. And Friday? You weren’t dead yet. But they said you were on your way. And as I posted yesterday about you, “I said, he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.” You were my savior.

How many pop culture references is that, by the way…? “When You Were Young?” “Send “Me On My Way.” And religious wise? I didn’t pray.

But that brings me to hearing your voice today and the first song I did hear today, Little B. Songbird…

While I was thinking about you, wherever you are, even if I’m stuck here crying over you. B, let me say… “And I wish you all the love in the world. But most of all, I wish it from myself.”

I think I finally understand that dream I had a couple of weeks back. You know, the one when you were a seagull. And you were eating some book I wrote. I wondered why you would be a seagull when there are so many birds in the world. Seagulls are known for making noise but not singing. They are also known for eating garbage. So yeah, you eating something I wrote. But why? Well, considering my slogging through pages, Braxton. It’s all garbage. Free garbage.

You’re not free to leave it yet, Braxton. I was trying to explain to your Aunt how I repeat the same routine year after year. I haven’t let you go. And I won’t be doing that. And here I go, crying again. Anyway. Like in life, you didn’t feel free to leave me. My selfishness. Braxton, you hang out, having to take the garbage your Daddy continues to spew forth.

And is that why V cries? He’s at least the color of a seagull. But it’s as if he isn’t free to be himself because, for the 537 days since he arrived, he only gets the scraps of “love. B.

Oh, what would it take to be free? All of us? It won’t be today. The 4th, 10th, 13th, 14th etc. B For Virgil’s Freedom

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 214 ~B Down, V Button~

WillLeave a comment

“Get down, B!” How many times did I say that in 15 years? If it’s any consolation, it wasn’t always directed at Braxton. Only the time it really mattered… The time to end his suffering. To live up to his name… Be Free, B III. Today, B Down, V Button.

Wednesday, January 31, 2024

Tale 214 ~B Down, V Button~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. I killed my son. Braxton Barks Bradford died three years ago on this day. Sunday, January 31, 2021.

Inspector Echo, that is the only sin that matters today. With these two hands, I ended his 15 years of life. Not existence, Echo. No! Zombies exist. I believe in ghosts, too. My B III? I’ll even give God a shot. Because Only God Knows Why, if I ever prayed for anything, it was my boy’s life. If there was a button to choose between Braxton’s life and mine. Dead! I would die for Braxton to live without question. Death doesn’t frighten me. The how…

How do I do this, Inspector? Any of it? Death is so much simpler. How simple is it? B III.

I pushed a button on a screen. I put pen to paper. Hell! Before all of that, I pushed Braxton.

And now I push tears out of these eyes. It’s my fourth time crying today. Tuesday, January 30, 2024. Because I only want to push a few buttons come the day my boy B died.

The push of a needle…

The Vet didn’t kill him. I carry that weight… all six pounds of what was left between myself and the Day Job. Now, ask me why. Because I didn’t want to push buttons to tell a story. I pushed the buttons on alarm clocks because I was too tired. Exhaustion. Inspector, I am lazy and left loveless. Because I killed my Braxton. What about Virgil?

There is no V button for this. How To Save A Life. How To Love A Life. Excuse me, Inspector.

To my firstborn son Braxton:
I still don’t know how to do it B III…

2021 Gospel 214 ~Will’s “Dæmon” Day Afternoon~ The Last Day
2022 Chronicle 214 ~Be Curious And Not Psychotic~
2023 Saga 214 ~To B, Loved Again~

This is the third year Little B. The last thing you need is another of my lists. Or what about me telling THEM that it was okay… I’ll never forget the look you gave me, my Braxton. “Daddy, can we go home, please?” And I knew then, and you knew too as I gathered your things. But I don’t know how to do this, son. I’ll never know. As I push the same buttons to spell out, I love you, Always. B Down, V Button

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

1095 Days Without B III, Day 536 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 211 ~(Sonday) Someday, B, V~

WillLeave a comment

If I had a favorite song now… It’d be that bit from Fifteen Million Merits “I Have A Dream.” But years upon years ago, it was Sugar Ray’s “Someday”. Long before Braxton, but I sang to him. Maybe Someday I’ll see him again. (Sonday) Someday, B, V

Sunday, January 28, 2024

Tale 211 ~(Sonday) Someday, B, V~

To Will:
It’s the Man In The Mirror. And yes, I’m making up words like I’m making up what happens today. Thursday, January 25, 2024

But there is not a someday for this. Forgetting. Three years ago, on Sunday, January 31, 2021, I watched my firstborn son, heir to my throne, defender of my kingdom, die. I hear no debate coming from you. I was twenty-one years old when Braxton Barks Bradford stepped into my world. And as you face existence, it’s been 1092 Days without him. Inspector Echo would have a field day with all the crimes I’ve committed against you. Hell! You didn’t even know her. I wasn’t supposed to make it out of my twenties. And here you are facing thirty-nine. But at least you have no tears to spare for that now. Hmm. Someday you’ll be forty? I don’t want to be, not like this. Never saving anyone? Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined… Epiphany, Imogen Linn?
    Completed
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
    Failed
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
    Failed
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
    Failed (Day 000 No Fap)
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
    Failed
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am
    Failed

Someday, I’ll be great enough to do so. It’s what I would tell myself and B III all the time. To be someone that could survive my fears in Gospel 211 ~Say The Word Willie~. The last time I would talk to Dirty Diana —first, my son and then her. I wasn’t even thinking about Braxton that day. If only I knew what that Friday held. Someday came so soon.

Where was I in 2023? I was deep in Saga 211 ~Avoiding BS… B, V~. I didn’t have any luck with that, with my granddaddy dying and all. And all I had to do to survive to get you here. You don’t owe me any favors or thanks. Unless between Thursday and now? Feeling lucky? But there’s Six Impossible Things:

  1. I WILL BE VIEWING To Be Determined… Red Rising, Possibly?
  2. I WILL BE VETTING Pictures, My Braxton’s Albums
  3. I WILL BE VENDING Gulp: Poetry Book
  4. I WILL BE VOWING To Keep Pants On (Day 000, No Fap). Real Girls Are An Exception
  5. I WILL BE VALUING My Flesh Getting A Tattoo Of My Son Little B III
  6. I WILL BE VALIANT Being The Man My Son Thinks I Am

Someday, you won’t be sitting in bed talking to yourself, sweating, sniveling, and silent, waiting. For what? The simple answer is for the guy to come and fix the blinds. Embarrassing. Yeah, that I couldn’t save B III from the someday I knew was coming? Someday isn’t someday for you anymore as you look at me and I look at you. Time is running out. And I don’t mean to rush and put some clothes on so I can continue this miserable existence. Whatever happened to all my positive talk? Do you see what day it is? THEY say someday it won’t be so bad. You still have three, as I’ll waste mine, I know. But do it for Braxton. SOMETHING! (Sonday) Someday, B, V

1092 Days Without B III, Day 533 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Tale 208 ~Will B Talking, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

Sad as the world is, I still talk to my dead furry son Braxton because he beats everybody still walking around. Not that I can say I am any better. I only wished I’d talked to him more. Before the Thursday, he really got sick. Will B Talking, Virgil.

Thursday, January 25, 2024

Tale 208 ~Will B Talking, Virgil~

1089 Days Without B III, Day 530 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Will I have a good day? Considering it’s 5:30 AM and the flashbacks have started.

Three years ago… Monday, January 25, 2021, Gospel 208 ~Collective Madness Is Called Sanity~. I was scared for you. Of course, it wasn’t all about you, and it should’ve been. Only, did you know? I was busy crying about stuff I had done. I had no idea that “There Are Worse Things I Could Do.” Like never speaking to you again. I didn’t know, Braxton.

But I know today is the last day I’ll speak to you before the three-year mark of your passing. There is something about that number, like fifteen, thirty-nine, and whatever is in the bank now.

Not that it matters this week. But I wish I’d planned better. “Even if you knew what to do, you wouldn’t know what to do.”

How do you talk to a dead man? A child? Because that is what you’ll always be to me, B. My child, my son, and my little prince. And all the times I would tell you that you would be as tall as a king one day. Yep, and I sent you straight to Heaven. Only I didn’t tell you that’s where you were going. I didn’t know how to talk to you that week. Hell! According to my own words, that week, I was speaking to Madam Justice on the Thursday before the week began. And I posted on Sunday, January 24, 2021. But let’s not get bogged down in the numbers. As the song goes, say what you need to say. So what?

I know with utmost certainty that Virgil is not you reincarnated. And you’re no zombie. And even if you were, and with my appointment with the eye doctor, I’d never see it, Braxton. So I wouldn’t be able to put you down. Did I really say that? You were breathing.

Braxton, you were alive, if not well. And there is paperwork showing I did that. And why was that again? Um, I am your father… I need to shut up. There are plenty of reasons to. Because I don’t want to say goodbye? I’m sorry, isn’t going to fix anything. To prove I’m not crazy…

Wednesday, January 31, 2024, we’ll be closer than ever, and the day after that, B III. Will B Talking, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Tale 207 ~To B Identified, Virgil~

WillLeave a comment

The start of the first week of the rest of my existence… without my boy. Three years ago, Sunday, January 24, 2021. By next Sunday, Braxton would be gone, and I wouldn’t recognize myself anymore. My identity then and now? To B Identified, Virgil

Wednesday, January 24, 2024

Tale 207 ~To B Identified, Virgil~

Bless Me, Echo,
For I have sinned. And yet it was Braxton who paid for it. “I said, he doesn’t look a thing like Jesus.”

But if I ever wanted to be someone… Let it be my little boy. My Braxton, sitting in his bed on a steel table, dying.

I’m not Dolph Ziggler, but “It should have been me!”

My son… my furry little boy, was better than every man I have ever known. Hell! If my “father” wanted to end me. If my Ma had made better decisions. I would be thankful. Have I ever mentioned feeling some kind of way about being thirty-nine, Inspector? Uh, not good…

Anyway, why am I making everything about myself today? After everything that I endured yesterday. As far as I’m concerned, today is Sunday, January 24, 2021—or B’s Last Week. You should read Gospel 207 ~Hell With Instructions Will~ Inspector.

I did mention there, “I did pray for my Dæmon every day.” My dear, sweet little boy, Inspector. God, I would be a praying fool come the end of that week. All to no avail.

Why? I’m not Daniel Kaluuya, Lil Rel Howery, Jeffrey Wright, or LaKeith Stanfield. I could go on. To be a good black man. Hell! To be worthy of being called a man at all. Ha!

And yet I dared to be Braxton’s Daddy. And I couldn’t save him. I can’t keep myself, dear Inspector Echo.

You know the past few nights have been hard. And around 8:45 AM, I downed an energy shot. So, I won’t be taking an afternoon nap. It is far too much work ruining my existence.

And that’s the rub. I don’t even want to see it. But there I was Tuesday afternoon, trying to schedule an appointment with the eye doctor. And trying to figure out my insurance situation. Sigh.

I’d be surprised if somebody weren’t out there right now trying to be me. I swear I don’t want to be me. But trying to imagine who I would be if Braxton was still alive. Who I am now. And the disgusting person I saw staring at me in the mirror as I got sick. And again, the question is why? Simple Inspector. Straight, Black, Atheist… I identify as STUPID.

It beats being a pervert, a victim, or a bad dog owner. Poor Virgil, poor Braxton. To B Identified, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

1088 Days Without B III, Day 529 of Virgil’s Arrival

BLM Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will