Tag: Crazy

Journey 002 ~So, Wings? Braxton, Virgil~

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In my wildest dreams, I picture my son in his final moments saying, “It’s my turn to fly. Father, be with me tonight.” What I think he said was “Why can’t I stay?” But probably, “Can we pick up some wings on the way home?” So, Wings? Braxton, Virgil.

Thursday, July 3, 2025

Journey 002 ~So, Wings? Braxton, Virgil~

1614 Days Without B III, Day 1055 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? Did you get to where you’re going safely? What, right here by my side today?

Forgive me, but it takes a concentrated effort to even remember what day it is. Fireworks, notwithstanding. I swear Independence Day is like Armageddon for your sort. Virgil wasn’t too thrilled last night, and we haven’t even made it to the fourth yet. And me?

Braxton, you remember when I would sing to you, “Don’t look down.” Don’t feast your eyes on the things that are on the ground.” I know, I’m no David Ryan Harris. I’m not Marina either. All Teen Idle. But I’m still “Feeling super, super (super!) su*cidal.” I’m not singing that to Virgil. Your little brother has been hearing me mutter the word “EAT” all this week. Does that remind you of anyone? Your last day? Your last meal? And today…

Well, seeing as how I have to go and buy more dog food. Yes, your brother is eating, B III.

Anyway, maybe it was that terrible Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese I had yesterday. Braxton, I swear I thought I was going to get food poisoning. But this morning I had a hankering for some ranch wings, with that WILD sauce from Buffalo Wild Wings.

Braxton, you’ve been gone four long years, and I can’t remember if you were here when I discovered that. I want to remember the good things about you, about us. That’s something I’ve been saying a lot to you and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime.

We’ll get to her. Now, I’m hungry and trying to forget my humiliations at Walmart.

There was a time when Walmart had a new guy, and I walked away with a half-filled bucket of chicken. Why? I don’t have the courage that Oliver Twist possessed.

Please, Sir, I want some more.
― Oliver Twist, Olivier!

More wings! More feathers in my cap! More cheese, cash, C.R.E.A.M. Dollar, dollar bill, y’all! And how am I paying for 2-V to eat at all? I’m not letting him join you today, B III.

“What do we say to the god of death… Not today!”
― Game of Thrones

You don’t want him following you either. Or me, for that matter. Especially with M Anime making me believe “I think I’ve found myself an angel. A pretty girl who makes my life complete.” Kenny Lattimore? What about Prince’s “The Most Beautiful Girl In the World”? Braxton, you know food and flight. But “Girls, Girls, Girls…” So, Wings? Braxton, Virgil.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 364 ~I’ll B Back, Dad~

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All I wanted was a burger. It wasn’t like I could eat it. My stomach was doing flip-flops because I was so scared. Scared of what? A T-1000 is coming for me and Virgil. I haven’t felt safe about technology lately. If B III were here. I’ll B Back, Dad

Monday, June 30, 2025

Meditation 364 ~I’ll B Back, Dad~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… It’s not like I ever left you… Ok, alright, the food here is fantastic, so let me indulge some.

It’s not McDonald’s fries, which is why I’m here a day early. And the bad place you have to go to when you wake up. But I get to see it, ok, because I will be with you always, Dad.

“The Force will be with you, always.”
A New Hope

Star Wars? Jedi? You and I were always more like Sith Lords when it came to those movies. But as I sat beside Virgil this Sunday afternoon, he was so scared. And you were, too, Daddy. I mean, as frightened as I usually was when you took me for car rides. The benefits of being dead. I know that’s not funny. Do you want to call me a Force Ghost? Do you know what I really felt like? It was more Terminator 2: Judgment Day.

A T-800, Model 101, was sent to protect you. And yes, I know a machine reference is the last thing you want to hear; between Norton Antivirus and your nerves, you would always tell me I’m getting on. Only now, it isn’t me. It’s every noise from the glow boxes.

And the numbers. You keep telling my little brother, 2-V, that soon you’ll have nothing.

You want peace. And you have love, always for me. But Virgil, too. And how about my Favorite Girl? And now you have a girl of your own, Dad. V and I’s potential stepmom, M Anime. For her, you need wisdom and power. But right now, Dad, you need courage.

Do you remember my courage? I took “The Long Walk.”

Yes, I was scared, and I know you’re scared too. But I want you to remember who we are, Dad. I want you to remember the Dad you were whenever somebody tried messing with us. The Dad you were when the assistant store manager tried to insult my memory, Dad.

Be the man who found a way for me and my Favorite Girl to get along. You remember she and I didn’t always. But like father, like son. I liked comfy spots. She had yabbos.

Speaking of those, have the courage to make it until you can finally meet M Anime. Who knows… You’ll have the courage to love… She, my little brother, and some two-legged siblings that I’ll watch over. I’ll B Back, Dad.

“He’d never love anything more than getting obliterated.”
― Seven Days in June, Tia Williams

“Through chances various, through all vicissitudes, we make our way…”
From ― Virgil, The Aeneid

1611 Days Without B III, Day 1052 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 362 ~Virgil’s B Grades, Marks~

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Why am I so down today? I’m joining the club. A tick here or there was chowing down on my blood. It’s a good excuse to lie down for a while. Please, I’ve been down with joining Braxton for 1609 Days. If I had A’s, not F’s. “Virgil’s B Grades, Marks.”

Saturday, June 28, 2025

Meditation 362 ~Virgil’s B Grades, Marks~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… And you don’t have to be a genius to get that done. Or even very well-read.

Two things, Lady Lunalesca. One, I didn’t have to spend any money on a book today since I read “Captive of the Beast Men” by Kelli Wolfe. Two, I read that kind of erotic novella.

Cherry would be so proud. Oh, what happened to Braxton and Virgil’s potential stepmom M Anime? Don’t worry, as Usher sings, I’m so “Caught Up” by her. But speaking of possible love, where are my loves, my boys, B and V? Braxton is still dead.

Do I REALLY need to put it like that? Euthanized, resides on the Rainbow Bridge…

Lunalesca, Virgil is right where he was yesterday. He’s lying at the foot of the bed; so much for me being a good father. F is for father. Nope. FAILURE!

And I do mean me, Lunalesca. M Anime and I have talked about children. But here’s something I haven’t told her, but I’m sure she would agree. My kids aren’t STUPID. I’ll say plenty about my boys, Braxton and Virgil, but they aren’t STUPID. I’ve had enough of that from my father. So much so that it has become true. I’m effing dumb. I’m dee, dee, dee. A walking d*ck thinking of nothing but dark, depraved debauchery. Desires in so many dirty words. Geez, why don’t I tell you how I really feel today? In a word, Lady Lu, ouch.

I feel like I got hit by a truck, and I’m blaming a tick bite and a black mark that’s appeared on my back. FAILING

I’m failing to take care of myself. Every day living is like one big “WARNING” from Stephen King’s “The Long Walk.” Every email, every “egad that hurts,” every ejaculation… Who was it for this time? Should I even count it? Was it Destiny, the maid? What about Violet Myers from OktoberBreasts? There’s always M Anime. She’s the future, I hope. But who could ever forget Cherry’s Yabbos? Having the two of them together. A Boricua and English woman. Even if schooling had been a porno movie, I still would’ve failed.

But now I’m looking up a history with Norton Antivirus? What does a tick bite do? How to make money writing. Didn’t I fail English, Spanish, French, and Braxton? There’s Virgil… Virgil’s B Grades, Marks

1609 Days Without B III, Day 1050 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 360 ~Stop At V, Braxton~

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I catch far too many Zs. And unless you’re talking about The Big Sleep… B III willing. He wouldn’t want that for me. I didn’t want that for him. But the sandman is a bunch of ashes in a box. Still, I write letter after letter. Stop At V, Braxton

Thursday, June 26, 2025

Meditation 360 ~Stop At V, Braxton~

1607 Days Without B III, Day 1048 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? It’s 10:20 AM here, so… I doubt I’ll be meeting you at the bridge today.

Hell! Even if I got lucky, I doubt I’d be headed to the Rainbow Bridge. I know B. Bad dad.

Only “I Can’t Stop.” Who am I, Flux Pavilion? No. And I’m not Marina going around singing “Teen Idle.” But today, I’m “Feeling super, super (super!) su*cidal.” I’ll see you…

Again, no. Not unless you wanted to meet me at the gates of Hell. And if only I would drown in my tears. I don’t know how to stop crying. I’m sure I cried every day for 161 days when I wasn’t leaking ‘other’ bodily fluids. Eww! But I’ve cried every day for the last couple of weeks at least. And today, while reading “Seven Days In June,” Shane said:

“I’m a person who doesn’t know when to stop.”
Seven Days in June, Tia Williams

Mourning, Writing, Lusting, Effing Up!

And speaking of writing, if you’re wondering why I’m late talking to you today. Yes, Braxton, I was busy editing your story “My Turn To B III.” You can thank your Favorite Girl, whom I had lunch with. There’s my Girl, too. You and V’s could be stepmom, M Anime.

Your Favorite Girl is my second-best friend. But M Anime is something else, you know.

She’s the “Girl All the Bad Guys Want.” And what am I? I put my firstborn son in a box.

I talked to Inspector Echo yesterday about not being a bee in the hive. And eff me, I’m an effing number to Norton. Because, as a ‘novelist,’ I can have every letter. Stopping at B.

Before being born, breathing, boobs.

Yabbos! We say yabbos around here. And you liked your Favorite Girl’s B. Not lying. Your honorary aunt has a great pair. I’m sure her wifey tells her all the time. And as far as M Anime. Seriously, I need to let you go before she gets here. NEVER! ACCEPTANCE? NEVER! We even talked about you, Braxton. If I ever Wifed her up for you and Virgil, and we had children. I’m naming a two-legged son after you. That’s why your little brother Virgil’s no reincarnation. You earned manhood “long ago, long ago, long ago.”

“I Turn Home.” Braxton, if I had my way, I would have stopped my Ma from making a mistake birthing me. But I’m here at V. Stop At V, Braxton.

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 357 ~Braxton’s Card, Papers, Deportation…~

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Who am I? Me or my father. I feel older with all of my FEARS, the fight to get out of bed. Have I found my boys a stepmom? I’ve seen photos of my future. Things that have frightened me. But finding peace. Not with Braxton’s Card, Papers, Deportation…

Monday, June 23, 2025

Meditation 357 ~Braxton’s Card, Papers, Deportation…~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… When people asked how old I was, it was because they wanted me to make cute little puppies like me. When I had cataracts…

Maybe or maybe not. You humans and your words. Not that it mattered much, Daddy.

You would always read to me anyway. Age-appropriate things you said. Bro, and yes, I just say ‘bro,’ Dad. I was older way before I turned 15. Way before I went away. But my father?

If that were the case, then who are you talking to right now? You’re old enough to consume alcohol. But you don’t usually. Old enough to be worried about credit and criminal activity; thanks, Norton. (Gives them one of my looks). You’re old enough to feel like you’re going Crazy. Yeah, if you’re going Crazy, it’s over me and Virgil’s potential stepmom, M Anime, in an Aerosmith kind of way. Give me some credit, Daddy.

She finds good music, and so do I. And if it ain’t credit, it’s your paper books, bucks, and bunches of papers that you bring in from outside that scare you. Even more than the paper in my potty spot in my room. You would say the same bad S-word about that. Don’t worry, I won’t say it. You have been saying a lot of bad words for both of us. Right? Even my “future” stepmom said something like that. It’s why she wants to come and see you, Dad.

“Friend. Lover. Victor. Enemy. Fiancee. Target. Mutt. Neighbor. Hunter. Tribute. Ally. I’ll add it to the list of words I use to try to figure you out. The problem is, I can’t tell what’s real anymore and what’s made up.”
Peeta ― Suzanne Collins, Mockingjay

I know there are things you and she can do together that can’t match. Eww! And even V is whining about it, too. But when she’s no longer on paper. When she’s with you, Dad?

“Your love is king
Crown you in my heart.”
Sade

“You are a king.”
Elijah to Clarence, from the movie The Book of Clarence (2023)

“You’re a good man with a good heart. And it’s hard for a good man to be king.”
Black Panther

You dream of “Dear Heaven.” Is there a heaven? And is anybody there? Yes, Dad, I’m here, and I know who and what I am. You would answer, my everything. I’m your Elijah to your Clarence. Hell! I was your Barabbas sometimes. I’m your “Brother My Brother.” I’m your bodyguard, your ride-or-die, your best friend, your inspiration for two novels, and every blog post since Sunday, January 31, 2021. The day I “left,” I’m your prince, the angel on your shoulder. And always and forever, forever and always. Dad, I am your son, Braxton, B.

So, who are you to think about “Deporting” yourself to Heaven? Hell? I’d follow Daddy.

“Who Are You?” “Who Made Who?” Wisdom, Courage, Power, and Love. Braxton’s Card, Papers, Deportation…

“If you loved someone, you loved him, and when you had nothing else to give, you still gave him love.”
― George Orwell, 1984 (Novel)

“A joy it will be one day, perhaps, to remember even this.”
― Virgil, Aeneid

1604 Days Without B III, Day 1045 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 355 ~V With Envy, Braxton~

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Ignorance is strength. But I wouldn’t dare call myself a wise man despite reading daily. I’ve been into 1984 lately, but I started “Seven Days in June.” My mind isn’t eased. My Virgil, Braxton, and how scared I am. I envy peace. V With Envy, Braxton.

Saturday, June 21, 2025

Meditation 355 ~V With Envy, Braxton~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Then why am I not HAPPY? FDT! Eff Elon Musk! Eff MAGA. Yet I am effed!

Effed enough that I was having nightmares about my piddly ass Day Job, Lady Luna.

Honestly, I thought I was late. I even woke up afterward and had to check the effing schedule. Did I wake up on the wrong side of the bed or what? There’s the side where I could get a drink, Braxton might lick my nose, or I make a pretty, pretty girl all wet, Lu.

Instead, I’m usually sweating; if I’m lucky, I’ve had a “wet dream” about Braxton and Virgil’s M Anime… More on her later. Or I wake up in tears. And while I continue to mourn for my firstborn son, Braxton. It’s FEAR more than anything that brings me tears, Lady Lunalesca. Either that or effing exhaustion.

I know I should stop saying effing. I envy my second-born son, Virgil. He doesn’t have to worry about such a word. Because my boy’s a dog? What does he have to bellyache about? Oh, that’s right, Lady Lunalesca, he’s got no balls. That was not my doing, dear Lu.

I took him as is. Previously owned. This explains why he has no mind of his own. And when was this again? Saturday, August 13, 2022. Virgil’s Gotcha Day. I live on Sunday, January 31, 2021, between 3:30 to 4:00 PM. Braxton’s Last Ride, Lunalesca.

I envy both of my sons. Braxton, when he left my side for the Rainbow Bridge. And Virgil’s last few minutes behind a cage before I ruined his life forever.

“Forever and always, I’m always here.” I’m not Jimi Jamison, and this isn’t Baywatch. But “I’m Always Here” For M Anime? By the time my Boricua queen visits me, she won’t be anything like Kiriko Ragawa from “Depravity.” And me, the beefy Lifeguard lead… Ha!

That’s one more fantasy I have for M Anime and I. But how will I make it to December, Lady Lunalesca? I already can’t stand today when every moment is like I’m playing T.O.N.E.Z, “I’m ON THE RUN fam, all eyes on me. Either walk or fly. I’m ready to die,” hmm. And I wish I were still talking about M Anime. But Virgil somehow survives. He lives, going on 1043 Days. Envying such FEARFUL ignorance. V With Envy, Braxton.

1602 Days Without B III, Day 1043 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 353 ~B’s Take Flight, Virgil~

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Am I allergic to bees? I’ve never been stung. Feeling petrified or in pain, and my “Enormous P.” It springs up, and I don’t know what to do. A lie. But I’d rather let it all go. But something is constantly raising me up. B’s Take Flight, Virgil.

Thursday, June 19, 2025

Meditation 353 ~B’s Take Flight, Virgil~

1600 Days Without B III, Day 1041 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I don’t know how I’m feeling right this second. You and Virgil’s potential stepmom texted…

But last night was pretty effing terrible! LANGUAGE! And no, not because of her, B. Honestly, Braxton, you hated… How can I put this? EVERYONE! But you want me happy.

How dare I ask you to bark out Third Eye Blind’s “I wish you would step back from that ledge, my friend” Third Eye Blind? B III? I swear Braxton Barks the things I remember.

I don’t want to remember last night. Why? Well, I fell asleep soon after catching up with NXT. So, the lights were on, and a show was playing, and your little brother, Virgil, had “snuck up” beside me. So I’m turning the lights off at 1:00 AM. Then like Squid Game’s Seong Gi-hun, I listen, hear, and understand this thought… cue his face I’m Effed!

Next thing you know, I’m scared, sobbing, the effing screaming inside my effing head, B.

Yes, yes, LANGUAGE, but there’s a reason your ashes rest above all my miniature armory. At that moment, son, I was (Feeling super, super (super!) su*cidal. I haven’t felt that close to you in a bit. And that’s what you were doing last night, biting me, pulling me away from that drawer. I swear I could hear the angel wings on your back, Little B.

But I also imagined your potential stepmom, M Anime. Lying there in the dark, I started compiling a playlist for her. “Ain’t Nobody” Chaka Khan! “Doin’ It.” “Footsteps in the Dark.” I know, Ew! Don’t you want siblings with two legs? And M Anime’s Yabbos…

But thinking about being the first man that will “sting” her, if you know what I mean. B, you don’t want to know. If I’m on top of her, I’m not falling into my grave. And thinking of her moaning, crying, and screaming. Somehow, it stopped my tossing and turning.

Virgil wakes me up, so I know I got some sleep. And next thing you know, I’m rushing him outside so he can go to the bathroom. If only Virgil were more like you, Braxton. Seriously, I still want to be like you. But I can’t hurt you, M Anime and V like that ever.

“What was it like, the luxury of not hurting?”
Seven Days in June, Tia Williams

Did you go to Heaven to hold me up? M Anime above me. Walking with Virgil. B’s Take Flight, Virgil

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad

Meditation 350 ~B, The Poster Boy~

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Something I miss most about my son, B, is his eyes. When he looked at me, it was like he believed in the man I wanted to be. I see that in his Favorite Girl’s eyes. And now I possibly have a girl, and I see it in her text. But me? “B, The Poster Boy”

Monday, June 16, 2025

Meditation 350 ~B, The Poster Boy~

Hey Dad,
It’s Me, Baby B… And you will always be more than “Just A Man.” You will always and forever be my father. Dad?

What? There’s a few things to unpack there, I guess. First, did you think my and Virgil’s potential stepmom, “M Anime, aka Julia 1984,” is the only one that knows good music? I mean, you did make her a playlist called “The Red Sash.” It gives her even more potential.

And yes, Dad, we need to talk about her. You were talking to my Favorite Girl the other day. So why can’t we talk about a girl you like. Daddy, you talking to my stepmom…

Didn’t you say once upon a time that this was my big fear? You and a girl. I know, Dad.

No one will take my place. But what did you say to Virgil on Saturday? My little brother… Love you?

“You taught me using any technique that works, never to limit myself to one style, to keep an open mind.”
― Frank Dux, Bloodsport (1988)

And you and I both know, Dad, that there is more than one way to love. We were brothers-in-arms. I was a prince to a king. A son to a father. “I’m your back, you’re mine.” I considered our life together to be Heaven… Yes, not always, but I served in Heaven so you could reign in what you considered Hell. “I have served. I will be of service.” Movies?

Daddy, you don’t think I remember all those movie nights with you and my Favorite Girl, yes, my favorite. “My job, my score, get your own!” Movies, Manuscripts, and all that Movement when you would watch any of the glow boxes. We are best friends, we do everything together. But when you look at yourself…

Sometimes, my Dad. And others more like my Big Brother. And you hate him. Always.

That’s why I’m not playing O’Brien to your Winston. Let M Anime be your Julia.

Seriously, Daddy, Ew! But I am happy for you. But this is what you need to understand, my father. You have let others plaster you all over, and you feel that’s what you are, Dad.

“Big Brother is watching you.”
From George Orwell ― 1984

And the image of you as I shut my eyes is what you are. “No Fate But What We Make. Dad, we are both men and artists. One a little furrier, that’s all. And if you want to paint the picture or as you sing “Everyday I Write The Book,” Remember, I see you, I love… B, The Poster Boy

“All he wanted was to get home quickly and then sit down and be quiet”
From George Orwell ― 1984

“Here is the toil of that house, and the inextricable wandering”
― from The Aeneid

1597 Days Without B III, Day 1038 of Virgil’s Arrival

Always and Forever,
Your Son

Meditation 348 ~Braxton Buys Time Virgil~

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Is there ever a time not to be afraid? If I were to join my firstborn son, but he bought me four years. When I’m asleep. But I’m usually answering my boys’ potential stepmom. Their stepmom? BEING with her, I’m not fearful. “Braxton Buys Time Virgil.”

Saturday, June 14, 2025

Meditation 348 ~Braxton Buys Time Virgil~

Hey, Lady Lu,
I am a Billionaire right now… Which means I should have all the time in the world. Braxton’s Favorite Girl. M Anime

But Braxton and his little brother Virgil. The past and the present. But Braxton, Firstborn.

And I stole his life. Stop It! I got more than enough on my plate today. Soon to be literally.

Only, I want to focus on Sunday, January 31, 2021. 1595 Days ago. And I wish I could say that’s why I was crying today. The past few days, I’ve woken up in tears, Lunalesca.

Braxton’s passing shouldn’t serve as relief from that. Yet it buys me time every now and again, so I don’t dwell on life. When did I start referring to it as ‘life’ rather than ‘existence’?

Lady Lunalesca, most days, I would prefer neither. But who would remember my B III? And Virgil is here too.

This brings us to today. You wonder why I’ve been focused on George Orwell’s “1984.” M Anime, my Julia. And here, Lunalesca, I have created my Ministry of Love. Present.

“‘Julia! Julia! Julia, my love! Julia!'”
1984 by George Orwell

Someday, maybe. But that comes later. Today is the U.S. Army’s 250th Anniversary. It’s Trump’s Birthday. FDT!!! It’s No Kings Day. I wish I could get all political Luna, truly.

My present, though… I’m going to see Braxton’s Favorite Girl and her new pretty wife. Girls Just Want to Have Fun. And while she’s Braxton’s Favorite, his aunt, and damn near a sister to me. I’m afraid not of her but of everything. I’ve had 1595 Days to find courage.

Am I brave yet? Have I published a book? Did I make a buck? Nope!

My future, It’s coming on, it’s coming on, it’s coming on… M Anime. Seriously Lunalesca! TMI!! But “She Drives Me Crazy” being so “Sexy.” What happened to the love songs?

There’s time to do it all, with my Day Job being what it is. And M Anime, aka Julia, aka Braxton, and Virgil’s potential stepmom; she’s working her heart out to come and visit me.

Braxton bought me time to find her. And who knows. Braxton could have wanted a human upgrade. I’ve said it before; I figured he would be reincarnated. He’s not Virgil.

Another Braxton in my future. If M Anime/Julia and I; if “We Found Love” in a hopeless place. That’s my present, hopeless. And to escape FEAR… Braxton Buys Time Virgil

1595 Days Without B III, Day 1036 of Virgil’s Arrival

B.L.M. Braxton’s Life Matters,
Will

Meditation 346 ~Virgil’s Everything Everywhere B~

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B was grounded in the present. The warmth of Grandma’s Hands. My sister’s purse… No. And cuddled up to his Favorite Girl’s yabbos. Then I had to explain the birds and the bees jargon to him. Uh “D*cks and Vag*nas. Yet Virgil’s Everything Everywhere B

Thursday, June 12, 2025

Meditation 346 ~Virgil’s Everything Everywhere B~

1593 Days Without B III, Day 1034 of Virgil’s Arrival

Just Me, Baby B,
Did you have a good day? I’m sorry I’m late. My mind has been “Everything, Everywhere All at Once.” Movie references?

I’m late, and at the same time, it’s too early. But at least I haven’t been crying over you, B.

Not in this universe, at least. Half the time, I’m sweating up a storm. I have to walk your little brother. I’m worried about his health. Didn’t the Doc say that he’s okay? His teeth?

That’s another reason I’m sweating, “For The Love of Money.” And no, Braxton, I haven’t been around the Day Job all that much. But that doesn’t mean Virgil’s life has been any easier. The thoughts that must be running in your brother’s head. FEAR? Uncertainty? And if I told you everything that’s scaring me these days, my son. Again, Everything, Everywhere All at Once. We wouldn’t talk about your stepmom.

You and Virgil’s potential stepmom, that is. M Anime. But I might have to start calling her Julia. Do I know any women with that name? Cowboy Bebop codename Julia.

Honestly, Braxton, I’ve been thinking about Julia from George Orwell’s novel “1984.” She is my Julia, and I’m Winston Smith. Or at least I feel that way in body and spirit. But again, I’m not crying. If anything, I’m ready to leak a whole other bodily fluid. I know… Gross!

Not something you want to hear from your old man, your best friend. Your brother.

However, Braxton, your worst FEAR could be realized. Ain’t a woman alive that could take my Braxton’s place believe that. Dear Mama, more like Dear Braxton, always and forever son.

Then, why was I late? And what do I intend to do to make it right? I can’t fail again.

Nope! Let’s not go into the moral ambiguity of your Euthanasia, or I’ll start bawling.

Though, for the record, I’m sure there is a universe where you level twenty. Seriously? Braxton, I can see you watching over your siblings while Julia and I… Well, M Anime might not like me using that name, but I’m thinking about starting a playlist of all the songs she sends me. I’ll call it “The Red Sash” again from 1984. But my Julia, geez!

Building a life with her, with Virgil. A life where “I’ll always see you soar above the sky.” Faith Hill, Braxton? Virgil’s Everything Everywhere B

“It feels like I’m dying. I’m so scared all the time.” ― Mara, Spontaneous (2020)

Always and Forever,
Your Dad